Larry King covers the protests.

COOCHIE COOCHIE

World Heavyweight Champion George Foreman will join us next to talk about how he “fights back” against racism. Don’t go away.

Why are the coloreds so angry- don't they get everything free?

I’m here with ‘JJ’ Jimmie Walker beloved star of Good Times. What do you say to people who say you are a disgrace to your race?

Oh sorry, every now and then my brain works fine.

JJ, when your mother heard the news about Floyd. Did she break all the dishes and say something worse than ‘damn damn damn’.

Thish ish OUTRAGEOUSHH!

So now we are talking about the death of Lloyd George, the Welsh are taking to the streets, you can hear their singing for blocks away.

George Boy? I thought it was Boy George. Anyway, he'd have made a darn pretty girl.

I had a tranny once. She drugged me and stole my wallet. But sucked dick like a Hoover.

I have on the phone actor Beau Bridges son of murdered Lloyd Bridges. I want to express my condolences, Beau. What kind of world we live in when a celebrity with blond hair and blue eyes gets killed by police while they were giving him a chockhold. What a world!

And we're back with our coverage on the death of Pink Floyd.

I remember back in '73 when I sat around getting high listening to "Dark Side of the Moon".

What a great album.

What a tragic day this is.

Liza, in your work with retarded children how often did they try to choke you?

Next, comedienne Joy Behar will tell us all about life as a beautiful black woman in lockdown.

Joining us live via satellite from our sister station WJM in Minneapolis is the gorgeous Georgette Franklin.

This just in. Floyd Mayweather states he will pay for Boy George's funeral. I did not know this boxing legend had a son and that son is now dead. My shoulders hurt and these suspenders are killing me.

Sad to report the death of the late Gerald Ford, who united the country after the Whitewater scandal. Great that the founder of a major motor company is being celebrated in the streets. That's the American way. Next up, Denzel Washington DC, to speak in praise of the fine men who work so hard in our police service.

Now THAT’S Larry.

Minneapolish

This just in. Trump has just designated Nafta as a terrorist organization.

I like blue lives matter!

Dark Sides Matter, R9!

Liza, what's your take on Nafta?

After what??

Liza, can we take a moment to talk about your mother? Tell us what it was like growing up with the fabulous Ethel Merman?

I am shtunned by the untimely passhing of George Cukor, one of my favorite directorsh of picturesh.

We've got Annie Potts on the line. Annie, what's it like being a terrorist organization?

Now with us is George Hamilton. George, can you please describe to our audience what it’s like for you to be judged by the color of your skin?

PLEASE, please continue this thread!

Liza, do you have any comment on George Floyd's drug issues.

It's a dishease Larry. He couldn't help it. Just like Mama and me.

Is the caller there?

We go to Barbra from Malibu CA.

Larry, I agree with abolishing the police. People should just hire their own mall security guards like i do. Much more efficient. No brutality.

Though there was one incident Larry where, ugh it was awful, one of my cloned dogs, we don't know what got into her, but she... oh I shouldn't laugh, but she viciously attacked one of the security guards. Luckily, my husband and the guard were somehow able to restrain her, but unfortunately the guard had to be let go and the dog put down. I was distraught for days, then I remembered I had some left over DNA from my dear Samantha and so we had her cloned again.

Up next is Monica Lewinsky, the first white woman to ever get down on her knees to protest loads of black men getting shot instead of black men getting to shoot loads. Hear her shocking answer when I ask her advice to the next generation on how not to blow their chance of getting the white man to release their hate and jizz.

Calling in from prison is Bill Crosby. Bill, people once marched in your honor; they even had signs about you. Did the police use excessive force when they arrested you? Right now, we have unrest in our streets. Do you have any advice on how to calm people down and prevent them protesting too much?

We're going to ask our expert Dr. Ruth about Pro Tests. Dr., what kind of tests are these- IQ? STP's? Or just basic skills?

After the break, we'll have Albert Einstein on the phone to explain his equation relating black holes, half lives, and antimatter.

Later on the show, the Blackstreet Boys will sing a song about what's going on out there.

Next week, I interview Jerry Mathers, father of the Black Lives Mathers movement and the original black Beaver, now Black Panther

After the break, black wives matter, and I'm looking for one. Must be under 30, thin, and attractive.

I have a George Foreman grill still in the original packaging. Do you think it's worth more now that he's died in such a momentous way?

George Floyd, did his mother set him up for failure, giving him two first names?

Did Larry cover the memorial service?

Leonard Frey is on the line. Mayor Frey, what made you decide to leave acting and run for mayor of Minneaposota?

Among the celebrities in attendance where Rev. Al Sharples, who quoted his father Mel Sharples. Kevin Hart, who did not bring his mother Mary Hart with him. The Rev. Jesse Jackson was among the crowd. With him was his niece Rebbie. Master Pee was in Da Houze. And Ol School rapper Luther Chris was there.

Larry, you know so many celebrities. I'm impressed. How do you keep track of them at your advanced age? Do you have a particular system?

Next up Jamie Lee Curtis to talk about shooting commercials for Antifa Greek Fascist yogurt. Second thoughts? And we’ll talk about weekends with her father, Tony Lee Curtis.

We have the beloved Roseanne. How does it feel to be back on top with your series renewed for the 3rd season? I just 2atched an episode and you were not on it. You must have been sick that week. This George Floyd incident has been heartbreaking and how The President has handled it has been criticized around the world. What you do you say to the crazy people who voted for him and still support him?

Greatest Rose Bowl parade ever. And the weather!

You know, it's shocking but the president just declared all Anitas to be a terrorist organization. We have Anita Baker, Anita Pallenberg, and Anita Ekberg on the line to discuss what being anti-fashion means to them.

This just in, protestors have made it to Princeton's Paisley Park. Prince Harry is about to make a statement any moment, reflecting on the legacy of his grandfather, the controversial King George Floyd.

Tonight’s episode is about celebrating white privilege in Hollywood. Join me for exclusive interviews with Bea Authur, Mary Tyler Moore, Carol Burnett, and other big stars who’ve had the privilege of working with the legend herself, Betty WHITE!!!!!!!!!!

'I can't breed' - the heartfelt words of Gerald Ford as Annapolis policeman Derek Showman heroically tried to impregnate him. 'You're Having My Baby' is tragically a song Derek can never sing to Gerald. We'll be talking to Paul Ankle about the pain of male infertility - plus, writing 'My Way' for Sinatra. And how we all still miss the Chairman of the Board! Stay tuned.

Drunk Sissy Matters!

Welcome folks. It's a sad night in America as we mourn the death of Floyd the barber at the hands of Sheriff Andy Taylor.

I'm just heartbroken to think this is what our beloved America has come to. I never could have imagined it. And know you all are equally as sad. We are simply in shock thinking of our beloved Sheriff Andy turned killer.

Even more tragic are the circumstances. Floyd tried to charge Andy $20 for a haircut and Andy reportedly kneed him in the groin causing Floyd to stop breathing. Tragic. Just tragic.

President Donald Trump has sent the military to keep order in Mayberry. But the rest of the country is protesting this senseless killing.

Joining me now is hair stylist Vidal Sassoon. Vidal, welcome to the show. Tell me, what has happened to our country? $20 for a haircut?

ouch my suspenders snapped!

Up next: multi-linguist and First Lady Malaria Trump, talking about how her degree in architecture and career in the adult industry saved her from discrimination upon her arrival to the States. Don't go away.

This thread is brilliant. Thanks for the laugh.

Right... who's next? Colm Wilkinson. Didn't he used to be Regis Philbin? How long? Studio or on the phone? OK... Colm Wilkinson knew a thing or two about revolutions when he starred as Gene Val-Gene in Les Mis. He'll be up next, because it's day eleven and we're that hard up for fill. OK?

What do you mean we're on the air?

R53 Lady Malaria Trump,

I'm dying.

Star Trek actor John Bodega is on the line from London. Go ahead, John.

Next... beloved actress Esther Rolle joins us to settle a new question about an old hand. Bea Arthur behind the scenes: racist or just a bitch?

Mr. Bodega, you first gained notoriety in a movie called Attack the Blacks. Did you play an attacker, or a black?

This movement is really highlighting the difficulties blacks, as women, face in Hollywood. It's recently come out that Leah Remini, star of the hit television series Glee, threatened to shit in co-star Sammy Davis Jr.'s wig. Remini says she was overcome with grief after co-star Corey Booker od'd on heroin. What a mighty fine actor AND politician we lost that day, I will add. The day the music died, indeed. Sammy Davis, Jr. is on the line to, go ahead, Mr. Davis.

Sammy, how's your wife Kasha?

Hi Georgia Floyd!

We have on the line Kelly Osbourne.how are you holding up? Are you angry that George Floyd will now be the one forever remembered for the phrase ‘I can’t breathe’?

Next on the line is Honor Blackman! Honor, have you ever been unfairly targeted by police because of your last name and, if so, what advice can you give to any of these protestor looking to become Bond girls?

Follow-up question for Honor Blackman: Honor, we've just learned that your country's former prime minister, Lloyd George, has died. Would you care to comment on his influence during these troubling days?

WAS Shirley Temple black? More on this bombshell breaking news after the break.

Sting is on the line. Sting, why do you think Democrats hate your former band so much?

Larry, are you at any of the memorials running on CNN, MSNBC, Fox, etc today? It's 24 hour coverage...we need your commentary!

I thought the memorials were wonderfully sung. Almost as good as Dreamgirls.

Hi Larry, longtime viewer, first time caller. Were you surprised at the Minneapolis protestors dismantling and destroying the Mary Tyler Moore statue? It's arguably our country's greatest statue.

I love the Larry King threads. Wish I had the wit of you guys to contribute. But i don't, so more please!

Hi Larry, first time viewer, long time caller. Why did they invite the Rev. Al Green to the funeral and not let him sing. I mean, let the good Revrun sang.

Larry, is it true Dolly Madison escaped the White House after the protesters set it on fire and she also turned prostitute?

In our next segment we're going to talk with Kelly Osbourne, who originated the "I Can't Breathe" movement that Floyd George was a part of.

Next up, megastars Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown discuss their BLM anthem, No Air.

Bless you, OP. Nothing on DL makes me laugh harder than the Larry King threads.

With me now is George Jefferson and his wife Weezy who also struggles with breathing problems as a black.

Joining us now is Star Jones, demonstrating what it's like to not be able to breathe. Take it away Star.

Star, thank you for your wonderful comments about race and racism in America. Now we have her ex-husband Al Reynolds on the line, were you able to breathe when you were underneath her... shadow? Your wedding received unprecedented amounts of attention from the press one would assume that would be crushing. What are your thoughts? Hello? Al? Are you there? It looks like we've lost Al.

Joining us now is the legendary Arlene Dahl, currently touring the country with Yaphet Kotto in "Love Letters". Arlene, you're from Minneapolis...did you know George Floyd?

Bahhahahahahhahahahahahah

I've got Sister Mary Dominatus of St. Ignatius the Pugnacious on the line from Akron. Sister, thank you for taking time from your rosary to talk. You nuns are experts on praying. So explain something.

Black football player kneels. Whites go crazy. White cop kneels. Blacks go crazy. What's up with that? What's the piece of the puzzle I'm missing here?

And we're back with Vanna White.

Vanna, you're the greatest English expert in the country. Help us out.

If it's a protest, shouldn't people be marching FOR something? Not against it? Pro means for, right?

And con means against. So shouldn't these marches be called contests instead? And everyone knows contests are sports, and that means professionals. But how can a CONtest involve PROfessionals? See? No wonder the country is blowing up. What's the answer, Vanna? Help your country.

But before you answer, here's some help from Garlique.

Whoopie, I'm sure you noticed that this is the first civil rights funeral in the last 50 years without Aretha Franklin singing.

Has her politics changed? Not a hunger strike, I hope. What's the word on the street?

So they took that body everywhere but Disneyland. Powerful message to America. Something we all need to hear.

It's safe to travel again.

And here's Rick Steves. Rick, what's hot for travel now that things are back to normal?

David Lynch is with us via satellite. Important to know you can't always tell who they are and they can look just like us.

David, welcome. Sensitive topic. How did your family handle the outrage and why did it keep the name after it all happened? I ask with respect and sympathy.

And we're back.

Ivanka Trump and Jared Trump are here to help ease our minds about how the White House not only rules with an iron fist but also loves Americans and even black people. Good, quiet black people. Law-abiding, even if they had to pay their debt to society in the past.

What's that? Jared has another name? Sure. A lot of showbiz people change their names. Right Jared? One Jew to another. I mean, my name used to be Zeiger, Ziegler, something like that. Trump's a good goyim name for audiences. L'Chaim!

And, Ivanka, I just wanted to say you look great tonight. Nothing like diamonds with the studio lights on them.

So, kids. Tell America how many black people work in the laundry at the White House. Good workers, I'll bet.

Jared, were you angry that River Phoenix won a Tony Award for playing the Joker, a role you originated?

So, Martha. When is Snoop going to put that ring on your finger and are you going to cater your own wedding?

It would be a powerful message for America of how love between whites and people who are less than white can bring celebrities together.

Will you be changing your name to Martha Dog? Sounds pretty urban! Maybe Stewart-Dog?

I'll actually be takin her name, Larry. Ima be Snoop Stewart.

And now out of respect and solidarity for all those black people out there who are living in conflict and pain, we going to have a moment of sirens.

So sad what happened to Floyd George. He was a great drag queen and will be sorely missed.

Which one's 'Pink'?

VP hopeful Stacy Keach will be joining us after the break to share his thoughts on black voter supposition. Sit tight.

Up next: Congresslady Sheila Jackson McRae. We'll discuss her memories of Floyd Cramer and how she made the transition to politics after playing Alice Kramden in the Sixties reboot of [italic]The Honeymooners.[/italic] I guess when you work with Jackie Gleason, you really learn how to get things done!

But first, this word from Lysol, The Solution to That Not-So-Fresh Feeling.

Let's get to the bottom of this.

All these race protests. Maybe we should bring back the Olympics and let the runners have masks and go ahead and race each other because obviously there are strong feelings that the races aren't happening.

What do you think? Let's ask Gold Medalist Mark Spitz.

We got Dionne Warwick on the line- Dionne what prompted you to start the cilla blacks life doesn’t matter movement and will you be recording a charity record like we are the friends?

We're talking to the Honorable Condyloma Race, former secretary of fate for Babs Bush. Secretary Face, you are famous for your face which is covered with warts and your name is Condyloma Face. But do people treat you like a a member of the black race?

"And now, via Zune, we have Minnie Jones, the longtime African American housekeeper of the late Dame Elizabeth Taylor. Mickey is a longtime friend of the show, as Miss Taylor brought her to the studio for her many interviews with me. Mildred, what would Dame Liz have thought of all the protests? After all, she was best friends with Michael Jackson. But first, can you tell us what she left you in the will? And is that White Diamonds you're wearing? That should bring you some luck during these trying times!"

Liza, how do you feel about the situation in Chicago. It is very difficult there no?

Larry Chicago is always a killer my knees used to just ache afterwards. I would tell Chita I can't believe you've been doing this for a year! I just hope no one chokes on confetti. That's what happened to Gwen you know.

Tonight, we've got the originator of the scandalous "blue eyes-brown eyes" exercise. Educator, author and anti-racism activist on the line, the prolific Missy Elliott. Missy, or should I say [italic]Misses[/italic] Elliott, where are you right now?

Later in the program we'll talk with Nancy Grace about updates in the case of the missing English girl Chuck McCann.

And we’re back! America is depressed right now and my special guest can put us out of our misery.

The fabulous Ann Miller, tell us about chasing the blues away!

Please welcome special guest, the Dalai Llama. Hello, Dalai!

Please keep this thread alive! I wish I was as clever as you guys. Some of you perfectly capture Larry's tone, I can see his hunched shoulders and goofy suspenders. I'm pissing myself.

And, no, I will not provide pictures.

On the line now is Chris Columbus. Columbus is the celebrated director of such hit films as Alone at Home, Ms. Doubtfire, and the first two Harvey Potters films. Chris, why do you think statues of you are being beheaded and drowned all of a sudden? Is it because of your adaptation of Rent?

We're back from commercial Every dollar will be donated to prostrate research.

Congresswoman Frederica Wilson is here with us. Congresswoman, what the fuck's up with all your stupid hats?

R46 , you left out the GREATEST ANITA OF ALL .

I'm Larry King, and It's My 2 Cents:

What's essential about essential oils? Nonessential oils seems more like it. Kitchen utensils are essential. I can't eat a chicken salad with a bottle of eucalyptus, can I?

Statues around the world are under attack because they're black. Retaliation means The Statute of Liberty is in danger. We all remember the late Charleston Heston in 'Planet Of The Apes' with that great icon. Talking now to Mark Wahlberger who starred in the remake. Mark, you're a man of faith - how did you integrate with the apes on set? You don't believe we came from the apes, but did you get along in the canteen?

I thought I was in a movie with Janet Jackson, Larry. Turns out it was some weird white chick from Britain wearing makeup.

"On the line now, we have legendary comic Brett Butler. Rhett, was was it like to hear your quintessential film 'Gone With the Wind' has been pulled from Showtime Maximum? And have you reached out to your costar Olivia Wilde about it? After all, she knows about oppression...she starred in 'Lady in a Cage'!

Welcome back. It's rough out there right now. In the streets, the Protesters are clashing with the Catholics.

Sylvester Stallone is here with us to discuss the recent destruction of the famous Rocky statue in Philadelphia. Sly, was Rocky a racist because he beat up Mr. T?

Well folks, we're back on the air. Anita Bryant's unprecedented pie attack on our studio forced us to cut the cameras (R109). As they say the show must go on. It looks like Mr. Trump was correct to label all Anitas as a terrorist organization. According to our producers, Anita Bryant is being flown to Guantanamo Bay at this very moment. A very shocking day for Anitas, indeed.

Now, on the line is Anita Hill. Anita, we know you're a great supporter of Amtrack Joe. Can you tell... well, it looks like we lost Anita. Anita? Are you still on the line? Hello?

"Welcome back to our ongoing coverage of the Cats Lives Matter protests. Our commercial break was sponsored by Friskies Shreds; your cat will thank you for giving them the Shreds they love. My producer tells me today would've been Hattie McDaniel's 127th birthday. Since she can't be with us today, we have Daniel Radcliffe from the Hattie Potter series on the line. Oh, Danny Boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling!"

WITH US A special guest tonight, after the shocking loss of funk music legend George Clinton, his sister La Toya Jackson is here to give us her reaction and tell us why she believes he was murdered. Don't go away.

Welcome to our next guest, King Leopold of Belgium. He's an old friend, and we shared dinner one night in the 1880s at Cap Ferrat. Your Majesty, you were the earliest trailblazer for murdering blacks, yet you get no credit these days for killing over 5 million in your Congo colony. Does it hurt to be forgotten by modern racists?

I'm here with Jada Pinkett Smith the talented wife of Will Smith. She was angry when her husband didn't get an Oscar nomination for Brian Damage or American Beauty because of racism. Jada, are you angry they didn't have large protests about that like they are having now?

On the phone from Connecticut, the legendary Miss Dianne Ross. Diandra, you married a white man and your daughters went to Brown. I mean the school, cause they look black to me. You fell in love with Southern General Robert E Lee, in Mahogany. Now they have banned Gone With the Wind. How do we get back to black in America?

"I'm told we have a special caller on the line. It's Stassi Schroeder, who just got canned from 'Vanderhump Rules'. Staci, I have to ask...this shouldn't be a new experience for you, dear. You were on 'My Two Dads' in the 80s with my friend Paul Reiser, and he said you were a racist even back then, as you refused to do a scene with guest star Malcolm Jamal Warner. We also have longtime friend of the show Suzanne Somers waiting on hold, whom I'm betting can vouch that you hated the blacks when you played her daughter on 'Step by Step'. But first, Suzanne reveals her new Gut Renew Superfood Protein formula, which she's going to sing a cabaret song about with her husband Alan Hamel. Don't go away."

Coming up, the ever glamorous Angie Dickinson, America's first police woman, on defunding the police. Angie, you look fabulous. Pam Grier had a great rack, but you knew how to get slapped. What happens when there are no more cops to slap a lady? Did President Roosevelt apologize for slapping you?

Ladies and Gentleman, direct from the White House we're talking to Vice President Ivanna Trump, the little girl who could. All grown up. And joining us on the line is Ilona's best friend and biggest fan, Mayan Rudolph, also the child of big entertainer. May, your father was a Jew, like Ivanka's lesbian wife Jared, and your mother the fabulous Lola Falana. But that was not a pretty story! Did little Ikea Tramp support you when times got rough? Did you ever feel unwelcome at the Margarine Lagoon for being black?

With us now, comic Slappy White just back for a tour of the Chitlin Circiut. Slappy, is it true that during your tour you hand an encounter with a racist white Karen. That's right, Larry. Bitch Karen got belligerent on me and I had to slap the white outta her. After she got up, she got mouthy with me again, so my companion Redd Foxx had to bitch slap her down again. After Redd was done with her, my dear friend LaWanda Page aka Aunt Esther whipped that bitch down with her bible. Larry, you don't fuckn' mess with Aunt Esther!

That is one amazing encounter Slappy, thank you for sharing. Don't go away, because coming up next from the bar at the Algonquin Hotel in Manhattan, our dear friend Lusha Minnelli with her view of this situation.

On the line with us now we have President Donald Trump to tell us about the blood he found in his stool, today. Mr. President, what shade of red was it?

"Coming up we have Billie Eilish, the daughter of the late Carrie Fisher. She'll be telling us why not all lives matter, just the black ones. Your grandmother Debbie would be proud of you, Billie. She was very close with Sammy Davis, Jr."

[Quote] Ivanka's lesbian wife Jared,

I'm dying. A shower of WWs upon thee.

I’m here with sex kitten Connie Stevens. My staff tells me you were once friendly with a Black Panther. Isn’t that dangerous? We all have seen Tiger King and should know better. Also despite your friendship the protesters burned down your Malibu mansion. Doesn’t that make you angry?

r119 Made me laugh so hard my stomach hurts.

Yeah. I was going say Larry having dinner with King Leopold in the 1880s is the best line in the thread,

Larry, Donald moved his Juneteenth Rally in Tulsa to June 20th to acknowledge the importance of June 19 to African Americans. Any comments? Will you be covering the rally?

"Larry, I can still hear the black angels CRYINGGGG!"

"Reporting remotely via Zune on President Trump's Juneteenth rally in Tulsa, which was postponed due to Kelly Clarkson's shattering divorce announcement. On the line we have Linda Davis, who won a Grammy with Kelly's former step-mother-in-law, Reba McEntire, who is mother of Hillary Scott of the band Lady Antebellum. Linda, many people say your daughter Hailey looks like Miss Piggy. How do you think Karlie Clarkson feels about that? After all, she's married to Jared Kushner's brother. I also heard Hallie and her band changed their name due to Cat Lives Matter. Any word on how Reba is holding up during all this? After all, she's from Oklahoma!"

You're watching live images of Atlanta right now, where protesters have set fire to Wendy Williams.

My question: If Black Lives Matter, why set fire to Wendy? I'll ask everyone on the panel, starting with Barbara Eden.

Liza, have you ever eaten at a Wendy's?

Ya know Larry, gee, the only Wendy I've ever eaten out was Wendy Hiller. What a blasht!

"On the line we have Marlo Thomas, who's father Dave Thomas started the Wendy's franchise. Marlo, darling, you look fabulous as always. When did you decide to stop being the Wendy's 'That Girl' and start shilling for St. Jude's? Also, how is your husband Geraldo these days?"

*whose father.

HI Larry and thanks for taking my call. Following on what the other Liza said, I once ate Wendy O. Williams. What a fountain she was. Then we both went to a Wendy's for some meat.

Black lives do matter.

On the phone with us is golfing great Tiger Woods. Tiger, you were once married to a white woman. Does that matter?

As a very special guest to discuss the protests, my long time friend President Donald J. Trump! President Trump, the whole country is waiting with bated breath, when did you know Melania was The One?

We are now joined by acting legend Joan Crawford. Joan, you won an Oscar. What is going on out there? The looting? The riots? Does it make any sense to you? And what new projects are you working on?

I’m here with Golden Globe winning actress Octavia ( looks at paper) Spencer. I just heard that Ron Howard’s daughter a rich white lady is denouncing her help. Are these difficult times bad enough why would anyone want to denounce your own African American servants?

And speaking of poopy pies, I've got to have my adult diapers changed. We'll be right back after these commercials. Don't go away.

Liza, what are you doing to celebrate Juneteenth?

Well, Larry, I don't undershtand why Jewish teets need their own shpecial holiday.

"And were back with Rosanne Cash, daughter of the late June Carter Cash and Johnny Cash. Rosanna, how would your mom feel about a holiday being named after her. Wait, she wasn't your mother? Oh, right, your mother was the black one. Well, how would she feel about it?"

Hello everyone! Tonight we're devoting our show to "Juneteenth"! What's Juneteenth you ask? Like you I had no idea myself until last Tuesday...and I was alive when the slaves were liberated! Anyways, that's why we're here, isn't it? To talk about this important day, I'm joined by Elke Sommer. Elke...

We're back with actress June Squibb. June, do you ever feel overwhelmed that your teenage years are now considered a yearly holiday? People celebrate June's Teens in the streets all over, massive. Reminds me of my days as a boy cheering along with the crowd at Yankee Stadium.

Star Jones is here to tell us all about June Cleaver's teeth and how they ended racism. Go ahead Star.

"Coming up next, Mama June joins us after admitting to a $2500 a day meth habit. She'll be joined by her daughters Honey Bae Bae and Pumpkin Spice, who will surprise their mom by telling her about this newfangled holiday being named after her in honour of her and her work with drug addicts and sex offenders. But first, a message from My Pillow...for the best's night sleep in the whole wide world."

Mama June, tell us how you chose to observe Juneteenth this year....Well, Larry, ever since I methed my teenth out, all I could eat was sketti and fat cakes and they're motherfuckin good you know what I'm sayin' but I wanted to eat all the other goddamn stuff you know what I'm goddamn sayin but I couldn't cuz my goddamn teenth was goddamn busted so I got me some new goddamn teenth. Happy goddamn Juneteenth to every one of you motherfuckers!

Coming up next, I'll be speaking with Pink, daughter of Red Skelton and Betty White and legend in her own right. And yes, I'll be talking to her about the loss of her husband and musical collaborator, George Floyd and what this means for their supergroup Pink Floyd. Stay tuned America!

Happy Juneteenth everyone! That time of year when we celebrate the birth of that ray of sunshine June Allyson. I’m here with her son Dick Powell jr. I just don’t understand why so many people are angry. Maybe The Opposite of Sex wasn’t that great of a film but that is no reason to burn down a Wendy’s.

"Good morning, folks. Larry King here, and we are doing all-day coverage of the Trump rally in Tulsa. On the line we have Tulsi Gabbard, who made her own run for president. Talia, you're married to John Slattery from 'Mad Men'. He did black face for one episode...how do you think this impacted your presidential hopes? Also, how's your cousin Gabby Giffords doing? Any relation to Kathie Lee in the family tree? And what does she think of your husband doing black face? Frank Gifford would've never!"

Soon we'll be joined by the Reverend Al Sharkton and Park Mall Gossinger who starred in the tv serial Shaved By the Balls.....they'll discuss how race relations in the country have involved to where they are today.

And remember fish oil can help with erector disfiguration in older men.

But first on tape a song from Steve & Eddie.

R157 Thank you for kickstarting my morning with a coffee spit: Shaved by the Balls? OMG. 'erector disfiguration'

On the line, the Honorable Susie Rice, heiress to the Rice a Roni fortune. Suzanne, you went to Oxford to be a road scientist, and you're a famous chinese chef. Now they those crazy Chinese recipes gave us the Corona pandemic. As a Black Chinese Cuban, can we get the bushmeat out of chicharones?

I’m here with with America’s Sweetheart Sandra Bullock We all thought you solved racism when you hugged your Hispanic maid. Before we get into a full race war could you do it again? It wouldn’t hurt to try.

Famous Black Panther Chadwood Boozeman is on the line from his hospital bed. Chadwood, in these times of racial tensions, should Carvel make another Black Panthers film, or will the subject be more gas on the fire?

"And now joining us via our new corporate sponsor WhatsUp, Tulsa's favourite son, Garth Brooks. Garth, I know your father Mel from way back...a tremendous gentleman. Speaking of producers, why didn't you have better ones for your Chris Gaines album? At least you know what it's like to be persecuted for standing up for your rights. How's the wife? I loved Trista when she was on 'The Bachelorette'. You lucked out, my man! And now take us out with your hit "Friends in Low Places" as we go back to our coverage of the Trump rally in Salsa."

"We're back via video call with our new corporate sponsor WhatsUpDoc. The Tulsa city-county Health Department Director David Bart is on the line...Bart, it says here you told CNN you wish the Trump rally would be postponed, and that the BOK Center where the rally is taking place has canceled or postponed all other events at the venue through the end of July. The BK Center, huh? Do you think they'll be serving the Impossible Whoppers at the concession stands? Damn, those things sure are tasty. But how would you eat one with a mask on? Up next, we have 'The Masked Singer' original winner T-Pain, who will share the pain of being a black man trying to sing in a mask. Seems like it would be hard to breathe, right, T-Rex? Back in a moment after this word from Poo-Pourri...so we can all breathe easier after eating our Impossible Whoppers."

We on the line with music superstar Janet Jackson, talking Black Lives Matter. Janet, you married an Arab prince then had a white baby, and a divorce. Your brother became white, then OD'd. You let a white guy destroy your career at the Super Bowl, while he walked away scott free. Blacks and whites in America, why do the whites always win? Is that the way love goes?

Well I know tonight we're all shocked to hear about the passing of musician Floyd Cramer in Mineola earlier this week.

The music world has certainly lost a great man - his tickling of the keys of his guitar were always great to hear.

Later tonight we'll hear from Elvis Pissley and the remarkably Joanie Sommers on how their careers will be changed by Floyd's disbarment....

"Welcome back to my continuing coverage of the Klan, I mean, the Trump rally in Sausalito, Oklahoma. Much smaller crowds than initially expected, due in large part to six rally workers testing positive for having drunk Coronas earlier in the day. I know from my own experience that it can get hot in these arenas in the summer, and you have to stay hydrated. With us now is Mariah Carey...Mariah, you had to get used to small crowds in your last series of shows at Caesars Palace. What could these campaign workers have done differently instead of drinking Coronas? I understand you used Groupon for your last series of grossly underselling shows...should Trump have done the same?"

Y'all are crazy or completely wacko!

This has been perfect weekend reading and DL at its best for really funny snark. Keep on, please!

R167, you should write one. It's actually addicting; I've written nearly a dozen now. It's therapeutic, in a way. We have to laugh to keep from crying in a time like this.

thread of the year.

I agree with the slogan Black Lives Matter. I love Shirley Temple Black and Cilla Black. They're great gals.

To celebrate the phrase "Blue Lives Matter" Roseanne will grace us with a performance of "Am I Blue?"

Live in the studio now is Eiffel 69 with their hit song, I'm Blue. Take it away girls.

Why does Trump think Queen Antifa killed those people? She seems like a great gal, I loved her as the maid in The Help

"Larry King signing off here from the Trump rally in Tacoma, Oklahoma. I know I say some convoluted things from time to time, but it's because I have early onset Alzheimer's. Even this shit I've heard tonight is too crazy for me, folks. Instead of any more commentary, we are going to rerun an interview I did with the late Liz Taylor in 2006. After enjoying some Dom Perignon together before the interview, Liz and I made more sense that this meandering fool I've heard bumbling around tonight...good fuck. But before the replay of that classic interview, a word from our newest sponsor, Immodium AD. When you have diarrhea of the the anus--and the mouth--reach for the Immodium from the medicine cabinet. Or have your younger spouse reach for it for you. Signing off now, I'm Carrie Ling. Until next time..."

This is vintage DL. Who says its goodness is all in the past?

"Folks, I forgot to link the interview with Dame Liz. I don't know how any of this new technology works, so I well may be linking to Thai lady porn. But here goes nothing. See ya on the flip side!"

I agree - Blue Lives do matter. To talk about this here's Smallville actor Callum Blue!

Here are the Ikettes performing their Blue Lives Matter protest song "I'm Blue"

All those hip grunge singers in Seattle have created a new hangout called "Chaz" - to discuss this, I've invited two young performers who have their finger on the pulse of modern youth, Mitzi Gaynor and Richard Simmons!

Coming up we will have Martha Stierwalt and Snoopy Dog Doggy to talk about how George Lennon's death has affected the sales of Doritos......

And on tape we have music by Bingo Starr who used to play with George in that famous band the Dane Clark Four.

It’s a wrap folks. Tomorrow an exclusive with the one and only Liza!

You want me on Zhoom or Fashbook, Larry?

Our great President's huge success has put that classic musical 'Oklahoma!' front and center on the cultural landscape! There's talk that Roy Rogers' and Oscar Wilde's masterpiece might get a major Broadway revival this fall. The buzz is terrific!

(Larry sings): 'All the cattle are standing like statues…all the cattle are standing like statues…' Problem now is that statues everywhere are in great danger. Talking next to environmentalist Greater Turdburglar about protecting cows of any color, mixed race included - some cows are black and white, people. Special treat later: Liza on her memories of the great Rod Steinway, so great in that old film everyone's now talking about. Oh what a beautiful day!

Joining us via Zumba video call, author of the revealing tell-all memoir about the White House, former National Security Advisor Michael Bolton. Mr. Bolton, everyone in America is anticipating this book. From my notes, the truth inside the "white house" is about your on-again/off-again relationship with Nicolette Sheridan. Weren't you supposed to be her soul provider? Up next, we'll be joined by the white lady of the hour herself: Nicole Scherzinger. Don't go away.

Let's welcome Mickey Mantle via satellite from Los Angeles. Mickey, great talent. Great actor! Now, Mickey, your cameo appearance in the 1968 film Lunch at Harry Winston's has been "cancelled," as they say. I'm not sure what you did wrong, can you elaborate? The story is Umeki Miyoshi turned down the part and it went to you, am I right Mickey? And by the way, was Katharine Hepburn great in the sack? She looked like she would have been a firecracker!

Tonight I’m here with very dear friend Regis Regis you know how it is they try to push us old guys out of the way. Well, my agent just called me and said he was this close to closing the deal on having me monitor the Presidential Debates. I’m very excited. It will be me, President Trump and Joe Namath. That will show them trying to tell me I’m too old. You know how I feel, Regis?

R154 I literally laughed until I choked. Only DL can make the highs and lows so entertaining.

Reporting from Jonah Hill's Incontinence Zone, dietary expert and big fan of the show, Ina Garten. What's the damage like, Ina?

Marla Maples dated Michael Bolton while she was split from Trump. When Trump learned that Bolton had the #1 song at the time, he campaigned to get Marla back. Not so much that he wanted her back, but rather because it fed his ego that he could compete with Bolton and win.

Hi, folks, tonight we're going to be going live to the frunral of Lloyd Thaxton where Connie Francis will be singing "Let It Be Me" and she'll also play the bagpipes.

In a moment we'll be talking to Dick Cavity to get his point of view on something completely off topic and in the studio little Spanky MacFartland will tell us what it was like to be in a gang in Los Angles in the 1930's.

But first - how much insurance do you really need?