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I Just Got Karened

On my very first foray out into the world to visit a reopened restaurant (sitting outside on the patio) I had the great good fortune to attract the attention of a Karen. First time this has happened to me. I noticed her hovering around the main entrance, speaking out loud to herself about how ridiculous and confusing the posted rules were. (For the record, the restaurant had removed tables and put markers on the floor to measure social spacing. There as a hand sanitizing station just inside the door, and two large signs spelling out the state and county rules for being open and serving food. The signs were professionally printed, colorfully illustrated, and perfectly clear.)

A couple of minutes later she came over to my table and started spewing that this whole situation was ridiculous, which is why it is so important that we postpone the November election! Uninvited, she continued on -explaining how we needed Trump to save us from the evil governor (Gavin Newsom) who reopened stripper bars but not churches. It seems that thousand of kids are being horribly abused by their alcoholic parents who can't go to work so they drink and drink and abuse their children. Some are even forcing their children to get their liquor for them from stripper bars that now deliver! (I couldn't make this shit up!)

She wasn't wearing a mask, but saw mine on my table (I was eating) and went on to edify me that the professional media has been blowing everything out of proportion in order to make Trump look bad. "I work in the medical, so I know how to take care of myself. And I have a friend who is a scientist!" It seems that no one is really sick or has died from Covid19 -Doctors are being forced to lie on death certificates to make the pandemic look more serious. "I don't know anyone who has had it or died from it -I'll bet you don't either!" I spoke up to tell her that I had personally been ill with Covid19, and had three people at work die from it so far. She was shocked, and asked what I did for a living. When I told her, she said, "Well, you're educated so you know not to trust anything the lying media is putting out."

After this verse, she went back to the burthen of how we needed to postpone the election. I asked how postponing it would make any difference to the outcome, but she had no answer other than to say how evil the governor was, and how important it was that we replace him. I didn't have the heart to tell her that his term isn't up until 2023...

So -I've been Karened. The whole experience left me a little sick to my stomach. I have a terrible feeling that I wouldn't have been treated so well by her if I hadn't been white. That's mere supposition on my part, but my heart says it's true. Just as she left, one of the kitchen workers who was outside on his break and listening to the exchange asked if I was okay. I said I was -That she was just a typical Karen. He started back in to work, but I heard him start laughing, "Karen? Oh, yeah, that was a Karen!"

by Anonymousreply 20May 28, 2020 11:16 PM

0.000000000000000000001/10

by Anonymousreply 1May 28, 2020 10:25 PM

R1 Ditto.

by Anonymousreply 2May 28, 2020 10:27 PM

The use of the [bold]HILARIOUS[/bold] term Karen just makes this all the funnier!

by Anonymousreply 3May 28, 2020 10:33 PM

You must have really needed attention today, OP.

by Anonymousreply 4May 28, 2020 10:33 PM

What do y'all think? Do I have a great career ahead of me in comedy writing??

by Anonymousreply 5May 28, 2020 10:34 PM

I dunno, unlike many of these OPs I actually read the whole thing.

by Anonymousreply 6May 28, 2020 10:36 PM

Girl.... please. You must try harder! I find it helpful when writing an EST to put yourself in the mind of a reader first, then edit. Is it plausible? Have I over-explained? Would I believe this? Less is always more. Frankly, your failure is a disappointment to me. I take this personally. D-

by Anonymousreply 7May 28, 2020 10:39 PM

Then I recovered and read the rest A+

by Anonymousreply 8May 28, 2020 10:40 PM

A key to comedy is pith, r5.

by Anonymousreply 9May 28, 2020 10:41 PM

I wonder if I am a Karen (not the republican kind though)???

by Anonymousreply 10May 28, 2020 10:42 PM

OP You didn’t get Karened but you will be Murieled... for poor grammar if nothing else.

by Anonymousreply 11May 28, 2020 10:44 PM

[quote]I find it helpful when writing an EST to put yourself in the mind of a reader first

In the mind of a reader on the DATALOUNGE? Are you fucking insane?

by Anonymousreply 12May 28, 2020 10:47 PM

So, you think this was attempt to be funny, [R5}? A need for attention, [R4]? I was genuinely shocked to be confronted with such stupidity. You see people like this on the internet, or clips of them on TV shows. You know they exist, but you think their numbers are small and that they are overrepresented in the media. Finding out they live in your community is a shocker. Every quote is accurate. The only part I left out was that near the end of my meal she came back, made eye contact with me, and then very loudly announced, "Well, I'll just walk by here!" as though it was I and not she who was the deranged idiot that needed to be kept at a distance.

by Anonymousreply 13May 28, 2020 10:48 PM

^I just read this aloud in a mid-Atlantic accent, clutching the pearls around my neck. You ARE a good comedy writer, OP, even if you never intended it.

by Anonymousreply 14May 28, 2020 10:53 PM

Well yes R12! I expect to be entertained, engrossed AND spell-bound for my buck fifty a month! It’s a joke, lighten up.

by Anonymousreply 15May 28, 2020 10:54 PM

I love this story. There really are so many Karens all over the place. They need to be caged.

by Anonymousreply 16May 28, 2020 10:55 PM

[quote]It’s a joke, lighten up.

Heal thyself.

by Anonymousreply 17May 28, 2020 10:56 PM

That’s not a Karen. You got Maga’d.

by Anonymousreply 18May 28, 2020 11:10 PM

R17 obviously a dry sense of humour passes you by. Be well

by Anonymousreply 19May 28, 2020 11:13 PM

The only part missing was a request to speak to a manager.

by Anonymousreply 20May 28, 2020 11:16 PM
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