Diagnosing the Housewives

Shannon Beador: PTSD Incest Survivor with manic depression and schizophrenic & sociopathic tendencies.

I had forgotten all about Shannon. I stopped watching her franchise in great part because of her screeching.

Vicki Gunvalson confuses me. I think narcissistic personality disorder and body dysmorphia.

I honestly think a lot of the housewives are fucked up Incest Survivors.

Body dysmorphic alcoholics.

R3 The blogger says Vicki has OCD.

r1 so ... Shannon is a borderline.

Speaking of BPD, both Kelly Dodd and LeeAnne Locken strike me as classic borderlines

Bethenny Frankel seems to be a classic borderline, OCD is questionable. A few of the axis 2 disorders have a component of needing to feel in control, but OCD isn't the primary diagnosis.

People with OCD do things like washing their hands or straightening the fringe on their rugs repetitively and compulsively (while letting other things go completely); does that sound like Bethenny?

Wow, r1. Ok.

R9 I can buy OCD as a diagnosis for Bethenny. Think of her everything-white-except-Skinnygirl-red-accessories kitchen. Also, I know two people with OCD and their disorder manifests in ways fat beyond counting things and being tidy (but that, too). Both of them talk incessantly, unstoppably, and frenetically, always sounding panicked to get their thoughts out. They speak aggressively. One of my coworkers who I like a lot but who is A LOT to take has OCD. She never, ever stops talking. She talks over you (as does my brother-in-law, who has OCD) and it’s maddening but eventually you realize it’s a compulsion and can’t really be taken as an offense. My coworker is incredibly precise about everything but also on so much output that everything feels scattershot. She does count, but silently, and she knows how long every single crosswalk timer lasts, plus how many seconds between the pedestrian walk signal and the drivers’ green light there are. I tell her she is the nicest controlling person I have ever known. She pretends to be indecisive this way:

—Do you want to go for a walk? Which way do you want to go? I usually go right here and walk straight up and back down the other side but we don’t have to go that way if you don’t want. [Already walking that way.] I like this way because I’ve mapped it out and [light turns red]—we can keep walking; this light gives us four extra seconds—I like this way because I’ve mapped it out and it’s 2.2 miles, which is about 250 calories because I like to walk fast is it OK if we walk fast? I should have asked. [Walks faster.] We can walk more slowly if you want.

—At restaurants, as soon as the waiter arrives and asks if we know what we want. “I think so! Oh we haven’t actually discussed it but I think we should start with this, this and this. We don’t HAVE to get those but I thought that they would be good. Is that OK? OK, well we may as well! Haha! We can order something else later if anyone wants something else, but let’s just start with these, I think they’ll be good.

Every word is fired like semiautomatic artillery—pretty much like Bethenny, except punctuated with a lot of gracious faux-concessions.

Who watches this shit?

Kelly was rumored to have a crystal problem at the time she flipped out. I read on some forum, MANY years ago, that someone who knew her ex very well, said that she had a history of using drugs to stay thin, and because she was obviously addicted.

She’s also an obsessive about her physical regiments and seems like the type who would rather die than gain 20 lbs. I was drunk as a skunk when I watched the RHWONY, and I remember watching that episode and thinking: this is a drug induced psychosis, happening in front of the cameras. I also remember thinking how disturbing and exploitative it was of the producers of that show to allow to continue filming her, while later choosing to air that episode and edit it as they did.

I stopped watching shortly thereafter. The people behind that trash are vultures, and I’m not into shit like watching clearly disabled people, if even becoming disabled via drug addiction, being humiliated on national TV.

Kelly was harmless. She needed rehab, not mockery.

I’ve mocked people myself, who have a history of addiction, and I was unquestionably WRONG for having done so. I’m glad I have finally grown out of that shitty and hypocritical character flaw.

Asks “Who watches this shit?”

...then proceeds to demonstrate a knowledge of the shows as well as offscreen dramas....

“ Who watches this shit?

Kelly was rumored to have a crystal problem at the time she flipped out. I read on some forum, MANY years ago, that someone who knew her ex very well, said that she had a history of using drugs to stay thin, and because she was obviously addicted.”

OCPD is not the same thing as OCD.

Frankel is definitely a narcissist. She also has a martyr complex.

Vicki is a narcissist.

Danielle Staub is a narcissist and possibly APD.

r7 WOW. Ok.

Are you fucking kidding me r7?

r1 = David Beador

Which Housewives have genital warts??

Kelly Dodd is a completely insufferable human being with no redeemable qualities.

Kelly definitely has HPV!

Although it's no longer in the DSM (I think? Too lazy to Google) I imagine some of them fit the old diagnostic criteria for histrionic personality disorder

Kelly is a Repuglican who is dating a Fox News “reporter”

They're all Republicans,. even the black ones.

I don't think Heather Dubrow is a Republican, r26

She's not a housewife anymore, R27

I made sure of it, r28

Kelly Dodd has Google Alerts and she’s a petty, insecure bitch, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she signed up for Datalounge.

I heard Kelly Dodd’s vagina smells like rotting sardines and old mozzarella.

r31 = Heather "I refuse to film with her" Dubrow

Kelly’s problem are Crystal clear, there is a Method to her madness.

r26 no, they're not all Republicans

R11 is right on in their assessment of Bethenney. My former roommate is the same way. OCD and never shuts up. Interrupts constantly. Me me me me me me. “ I have an opinion. I have to express myself. I need to be heard. What I have to say is so important. I always have to talk louder than anyone else. Blah blah blah”.

On Scary Island the other Housewives said Kelly's room smelled like cat piss, which sounds like she was either smoking meth or sweating it out of her system.

I used to be addicted to Real Housewives. They used to have some legit, interesting drama. Now it’s a bunch of old broads getting liquored up and manufacturing nonsense.

So my character knowledge is old-school. Most of them are nuts, but a few are both smart and sane-ish. (I’m not going to bother looking up the spelling of their names)

Smart and relatively sane 1. Kandi Burass 2. Lisa Vanderpump 3. Carole Radziwell 4. Dina Manzo/Caroline Manzo 5. Dorinda Medley ( when not drunk) 6. Heather Budrow 7. Heather from NY

Smart but nuts 1. Bethenany Frankle 2. Shannon Beador 3. The woman with one leg on NY

Dumb but relatively sane 1. Kyle Richards 2. Tinsley Mortimer 3. The Countess 4. Ramona 5. Adrianna Maloof 6. Jill Zarin 7. Gretchen from OC 8. The dumb blond on NY for a season whose husband was caught in the Ashley Madison a scandal

Dumb and nuts 1. Kelly Bensimon 2. Kim Richards (poor thing!) 3. Taylor Armstrong 4. Vicky Gundleson (she’s not too nuts, but definitely has a screw loose) 5. Theresa Guidice 6. That idiot who was married to that douche Jim on OC (can’t remember her name) 7. Jules from NY 8. Sonia Morgan

Just plain evil 1. Tamara 2. Danielle from NJ 3. Brandi Glanville (Post season 2 BH)

In the last couple of seasons, Dorinda went completely batshit, R37. And MEAN. She went from one of my faves to somebody I can't stand. I'm glad they fired her.

r11 makes me wonder why Ms. Cohen hasn't been canceled yet

She's awful

R37, you forgot another catagory...

No Longer Human: 1. Kim Zolciak 2. NeNe Leakes 3. Jacqueline Laurita 4. Lisa Rinna

With the exception of Kandi Burruss, they're all trash. All of them, in every show. Done!

Leah McSweeney - Cunt

Apparently, Tamra is coming back to OC