Why is the use of the word "lady" considered condescending?

It's not. Native English speaker here.

It's not remotely condescending. Who told you that?

I won't use the word as a matter of course until I am sure the person actually exhibits the characteristics of a lady.

Just because a person is female of a certain age does not mean she is indeed a lady.

The (male) English teacher I had when I was around 13 taught us that we had to call someone a "kind woman" rather than a "kind lady." The implication was that "lady" was either patronizing or 'common'/low-class, or a word that parents would use when talking to their children: "Be polite to that nice lady!"

It does seem to me that addressing a female stranger in the street as "hey, lady!" is somewhat rude.

There's something to what your English teacher said, R4, though his suggestion does sound very old fashioned.

My rule is that if it is used in parity with its male counterpart term, fine. "Would the lady and gentleman like to take your table now? The waiter has it ready for you." Or "Would you ladies like to join the gentlemen in the terrace where they have found tables?" (Stupid examples, I know, but you see that there's nothing offensive when using both terms together or in association.

If a bartender or a waiter asks "What can I get the lady?" and she is alone, that can be construed as condescending (especially as you will not often hear the male counterpart of this question unless in a film where James Bond is at his Saville Row tailor's shop.) Pluralising it, however, as "What can I get for you ladies this evening?" disarms the possibility of smarmy innuendo, and one would imagine the bartender would simply substitute "gentlemen" for a group of men.

If it's used to refer to someone in a purposefully non-specific way, fine. "There was a lady in this morning looking at the painting and she also said that she thought the landscape looked like the south of France."

Because lady can be used to imply the opposite (and how happy ladies the world over must be to have R3's stamp of approval), I just think about how it would sound or could sound.

"Ladies! Ladies!" This lead is usually followed by some entreaty to calm down some hysterical bitches. "Gentlemen! Gentlemen!" is usually followed by some entreaty for polite men to remember their manners and be calmer. There *can* be a different connotation to seemingly/sometimes parallel words of seemingly but not equal footing. For that reason I take care not to usual it in a way that can have any but a polite interpretation.

And it's not a difficult thing, nor does it take any of my valuable time.

Far as USA is concerned have never heard of "lady" being considered condescending or in any way objectionable.

OTOH calling some American females "Ma'am" sets them off the deep edge.

Hey lady!

There is probably a different reason for every decade. The problem today is that the word "lady" implies a woman of manners who has "high tea", not a modern Grrrrrrril, the warrior of the workplace. Modern women do not want to be "ladies". They want to be sword wielding warriors. Being well mannered and socially adept is considered a defect, not a virtue.

That word is causing actual violence!

Nah, just kidding, it's fine.

Think lady as used with "young lady" or "mature lady" still means someone is attaching respect or whatever towards female in question.

OTOH when someone calls a female "that woman", or "girl" it usually has some sort of derogatory or condescending meaning.

We saw this in another thread where some posters took offence to others calling their cleaners "girl". Calling an adult woman that is same as referring to a man as "boy".

It’s all in the inflection and context, be sure to watch the whole scene.

In the 90s and 00s it was seen as condescending and old-fashioned but feminists have largely given up that battle. In spite of the hysteria over "social justice warriors," there have been retreats on so many fronts.

Charlene is one condescending bitch bragging about her life!!

You are confused, OP/ r4.

To say " Hey, --------!" is rude (or at least only used by the very lower classes) no matter what word one puts after the word "Hey".

The fact that many lower class men choose to disrespect women by sarcastically attaching the word "Lady" is not evidence that to use the word "Lady" is the mark of a degenerate, so much as it it evidence that to use the word "Hey" is the mark of a degenerate.

"Hey" is extremely casual and to say it to a stranger is almost never polite.

Hence the old fashioned phrase said to children "Hey [hay,]is for horses"

a refined lady

What an interesting g question! I have a few thoughts but no real answer.

Historically, a “lady” was a woman of nobility. The female counterpart to a “lord”. It implies gentility and superiority.

I assume that the (feminist) objection is that as with the title “Mrs.”, its meaning depended on a man. My feminist mother didn’t call anyone a “lady”, either. A “woman” is the simplest and broadest word for an adult female and makes no assumptions about her marital or social standing.

I'm an elder, but I have no objection to "lady." What I DETEST in this current day is the use of "female" in a pejorative tone, particularly by law enforcement, misogynists, and racists.

It rankles.

It's practically Victorian, OP. How many decades have you been sleeping, Rip Van Winkle? You're probably one of those people living in the 1950s who wants us to wear suits and Fedoras and then will criticize us because they're cheap suits and Fedoras. Please, go back to your Lawrence Welk reruns and leave the rest of alone.

Hey lady!!!

I grew up in NYC, and the word "lady" used as part of a form of address was, at least in my youth and childhood, definitely not flattering.

For context, it was the kind of thing mover might say to a customer who insisted on the impossible, "Look, lady, that table just won't fit through the door."

Exactly, R20. You would never hear someone say, "Look, gentleman, that table won't fit through the door." "Lady" has more connotations than does its male counterpart, and some of them are condescending or negative.

R6 is wrong. Lady can be seen as condescending if 'woman' could be used instead. If you say 'ladies and gentlemen', then that's fair.

I think this article does a fairly good job of describing the problems with the word. But I would also agree with the above post that it has waned in importance among feminists the past 20-25 years.

Ladyboss, lady time, lady cop, ladies golf - they don't use gentlemen when referring to the male version.

I don't consider 'Lady' to be condescending when I use it. I use 'Ghurl'. As in 'you go ghurl! That would indicate that I believe them to be a complete fuckup.

As previous posters have pointed out, there's nothing strange about "lady" as long as you would use "gentleman" in the same context. If you would say "guy" or "bloke" (showing my Britishness here) if the person were a man, then "lady" sounds a bit odd to me.

Oy, fit lady!

"Lady" is considered condescending because for a long time it was used instead of "woman." "Woman" was considered vaguely pejorative.

Lady is okay if used with gentlemen.

But if you say "There are two men and three ladies out there." it would be condescending.

Better pic for R19

I always considered it condescending which is why I changed it to Princess of Wales

Well, when you're talking to your gay friend..... as in Jack telling Will " Lady, go get your friend Grace!"....... it's a totally different ballgame :)

Seriously, it's all about CONTEXT, as well as tone and intent.

It's best to stick with like pairs: man/woman, lady/gentleman, boy/girl.

[quote]In the 90s and 00s it was seen as condescending and old-fashioned but feminists have largely given up that battle. In spite of the hysteria over "social justice warriors," there have been retreats on so many fronts.

What I never understood is why the SJWs and modern feminists seem to have no problem calling themselves "Girl" or using the non-parallelism "boys/girls."

Back in the day at my fairly liberal, Ivy League college we were taught NOT to use "girl" to refer to women above puberty, but that seems to have fallen by the way side.

[quote]What I never understood is why the SJWs and modern feminists seem to have no problem calling themselves "Girl" or using the non-parallelism "boys/girls."

Sorry I meant the non-parallelism of "Guys/Girls" rather than the (old-fashioned) "guys/gals" which really is more appropriate and less sexist

"Ladies and Gentleman" has become so common place, but they both have origins of referring to people of higher social standing or even noble birth.

That ain't no lady. That's my wife.

Get it right, r32. Here's how it goes:

"Who was that lady I saw you with last night?"

"That was no lady, that was my wife!" (cue guffaws)

You’re thinking of slut, cunt & ho!

Feminism killed it around 1969-70. Even something as non-provocative as "ladies' room" became "women's room"; if you used the former, you were judged to be a Male Chauvinist Pig.

Do you want to see my lady parts?

[quote]It does seem to me that addressing a female stranger in the street as "hey, lady!" is somewhat rude.

So would "hey woman!"

You called?

Not to low "classy" for me.

Hey, Sexy Lady!

So, “All the Single Ladies” is about prostitutes and whores?

Mrs Howell was a "lady." Marion and Ginger we not.

Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life. You're a discontented mother and a rich inventive wife.

Y’know trying to think of when I last heard the word lady and I’m coming up blank. As someone else said “female” seems to be the term that is now popular and imo is the most dehumanizing and disrespectful on the lady/girl/chick/broad/woman spectrum.

Silly sidenote but I always cringe when men say “the wife”. It’s particularly jarring if they are saying something very positive and complimentary and then boom “the wife”. I’ve also noticed it creeping in now when men refer to their children “the kid”.

In Ireland, men sometimes also refer to their mom as "the mother."

It's condescending when used as an adjective, such as "It was a lady driver."

^^ I remember lady doctor from my youth

R44 I think Irish men also say the young one for a daughter and the young lad for a son. I visit family in rural Ireland every year and they do in that part anyway - Birr, Offaly. Never heard a woman using those terms.

"Gal" is even worse and a sign of being ancient or very rural.

[quote]Silly sidenote but I always cringe when men say “the wife”. It’s particularly jarring if they are saying something very positive and complimentary and then boom “the wife”. I’ve also noticed it creeping in now when men refer to their children “the kid”.

Probably preferable to "the little woman."

[quote]"Gal" is even worse and a sign of being ancient or very rural.

Nothing is worse than "gal." Not even "veggies." Or "circle back."

r47, gal is exactly what we need. It would put gals on par with guys, instead of calling 35-year-old women girls. 'Gal' only sounds odd because it isn't used much anymore. Well that needs to stop right now.

Hey Ladies

Singapore has a lot of LADYBOYS.

R50, please insert veggies in your anus sideways. Start with an artichoke.

[quote]The implication was that "lady" was either patronizing

Only Yankees think like this. They also think calling someone "ma'am" or "sir" is patronizing, because that's the only context they've ever heard it used. They can't imagine it being used sincerely.

You first, r53.

I have no reason to do that, r55. I am not stumping for "gal." I shall continue to eat my vegetables the normal way.

[quote]As someone else said “female” seems to be the term that is now popular

This drives me up a wall. Every time someone refers to herself or someone else as a "female," I think to myself, "A female what? A giraffe? An octopus?"

Blacks use "female" as a noun, I have noticed.

r57, it's better than girl, ffs. Girls are MINORS. What guy over 16 would like it if you called him a boy?

Why are figure skating categories "Men" and "Ladies"?

R59, I wouldn't like being called a boy at all, but women seem to get offended if anyone says anything that implies they aren't teenagers. One of the objections Yankee women have to the use of "ma'am" is that it implies that they're "old." No, it implies that you're an adult. Which amounts to the same thing, in their eyes.

Same reason it’s man and wife

"man and wife" - you might as well say "here's the man, and here's the accessory".

Crap, his thread has me so woke I’m never going to be able to use the Lady’s Room again, guess I’ll just have to hold it until I get home.

Whatever happened to Penised-person and Vaginaed-person?

Only when Jerry Lewis says it

R61, uh, really? Why do I have a feeling that the women you are talking about are all over the age 71.

Hey Lady, you type like a dirty slut!

R67, I have no idea, because they certainly aren't. And even the ones who are over 71 can't abide the thought that they aren't adolescents anymore.

[quote] I won't use the word as a matter of course until I am sure the person actually exhibits the characteristics of a lady.

Mary!

[quote] It does seem to me that addressing a female stranger in the street as "hey, lady!" is somewhat rude.

But what if you're Jerry Lewis?

[quote]Why is the use of the word "lady" considered condescending?

it's not

[quote] Only Yankees think like this. They also think calling someone "ma'am" or "sir" is patronizing, because that's the only context they've ever heard it used. They can't imagine it being used sincerely.

Are YOU from the SOUTH??

This is three times as condescending.

its like the equivilent of calling a guy a gentleman. Its too outdated and most women in this day and age view it as sexist.

[quote]its like the equivilent of calling a guy a gentleman. Its too outdated

Outdated? You’re looney tunes.