I broke down & bought a bidet!

Which one did you buy?

You do realize you need a plumber to install it? Good luck with that one...

I hope you have a big bathroom.

If you're broken down the bidet can't put you back together, you know?

I have one attached to my loo. I haven't looked back since.

And I was laughing smugly during the TP crisis.

[quote]Which one did you buy?

"Erna"

Nope, r2, all you need is a wrench. I’m handy with a wrench.

[quote]I’m handy with a wrench.

Haawt!

You bidet biddies are leaving out an important fact: You still have to wipe down your soaking pucker with TOILET PAPER. So what is saved? Not much.

You did NOT buy a bidet. You bought a bidet toilet seat or a hose. A bidet is a separate appliance that has to be installed like a toilet.

Yes, I bought a handheld sprayer, but does that change the FACT that you still have to wipe your asshole after you use a bidet or sprayer? I think not.

I bought a bidet too. My partner and I had always considered it, so we went ahead and bought one.

The whole experience of water being sprayed your crack is a little weird, but I'm getting used to it. IT actually was pretty easy to install ourselves--so we didn't hire a plumber.

Even though there's a dryer function included, it only sort of helps dry, so you still have to wipe once to dry.

Just get a portable one off of Amazon for 10 bucks. It’s like a squeezy bottle. Fill it up with warm water at the sink and douche away!

r12 Again, NOT a bidet.

At least you don't have my problem, OP.

Between a bidet and a fiber supplement, you only need 2 or 3 squares of tp.

Can you spare a square R16?

Just a helpful hint from Heloise: The first time you take it for a spin, set the power switch to "fire hose". You won't be sorry.

LISSEN UP, COCKSUCKERS. YOU WILL USE NO MORE THAN THREE SHEETS PER VISIT TO THE LATRINE: ONE SHEET TO WIPE UPWARD, ONE DOWNWARD, AND ONE TO POLISH. UNDERSTOOD?

I have had a bidet seat for years, and until recently, I would use TP to dry off the water. With the run on toilet paper, I decided to take the opportunity to be more green. I ordered 60 white washcloths for $31.00 from Amazon, along with a basket for the back of the toilet. Now I just blot my clean hole with a washcloth, and put it in a dedicated waste basket next to the toilet. Wash in hot water, and repeat.

It's working out very well, and I don't have to worry about buying TP. It has made my bathroom less dusty as well.

R14, yes it’s a bidet attached to a toilet seat.

A true bidet is a separate porcelain structure but no one uses those any more

[Quote] You did NOT buy a bidet. You bought a bidet toilet seat or a hose. A bidet is a separate appliance that has to be installed like a toilet.

Oh please STFU

Please, r20.

Spare us the sight of your blotted hole.

[quote]A true bidet is a separate porcelain structure but no one uses those any more

Really? Most hotels and nicer homes in Europe have them.

Congrats, hon, your hole will go from brown to beige in no time!

[quote]Now I just blot my clean hole with a washcloth, and put it in a dedicated waste basket next to the toilet. Wash in hot water, and repeat.

Do you put in the washing machine with the rest of your clothes?

I would think you would have to wash the cloths separately in hot water & bleach by themselves R26.

I bought one too at the dawn of the corona virus. I haven’t installed it yet. I guess I’m waiting for the toilet paper to run out.

I want one of those toilets that sprays and then blows your asshole clean. Some even use UV light and disinfect themselves. Worth the $$$ in my opinion. I’ll probably save on TP too.

I love my Bio Bidet. Love it. Better than my Toto.

R23 Don't worry, you will never be granted a view of my sparkling clean hole

I wash them separately in hot water, R26

It fills me with pride that people in my country are dying with clean asses!

This conversation reminds me of the Vivian Leigh biography I read. No matter how bad things got with her mental health, she always changed her underwear several times a day and put a clean, fresh handkerchief over each pair. I’m not sure about the logistics, if they were in a pile or scattered around the room.

Please report back OP. I can't quite picture the logistics of spraying your ass with enough water pressure to get it squeaky clean but not too much so you have water squirting everywhere. TIA!

R35, I’m really just expecting it to feel good, but I’ll take all the dopamine I can get right now.

[quote]Don't worry, you will never be granted a view of my sparkling clean hole

Someone needs to invent a bidet with a camera! And a wi-fi connection!

Probably available in Japan, R37.

They nasty

Forget the wimpy bidet. Just douche for that extra clean feeling!

This one looks cool!

Your anus may be clean, but how will you cleanse your soul?

For those of us on a budget, would it be unforgivably trashy to just use a spray bottle normally used for plants? It's essentially the same thing.

My bidet toilet seat (my second one) is not working properly on the regular setting, so it only works on VORTEX, which is almost enema-force. But it does the job.

[quote] Really? Most hotels and nicer homes in Europe have them.

And those were built over 50 years ago.

It's completely ridiculous to shit and be expected to walk to another fixture to clean your bum.

In modern times, we have a sprayfrom the toilet seat itself. It's like an iPhone vs, the old dial phone that was connected to the wall.

Once you get a Toto Washlet you never go back. Adjustable spray for cleaning. Blow dry if you choose. Also heated seat. Easily added to existing toilet. DIY.

Will the Washlet work on my cocklet?

Thanks a lot 0P! I am now coveting a $700 toilet seat!

Keep it simple, R47. I doubt there's a service policy for this beast, let alone a repairman willing to repair it in situ. Bound to fail. Or Electrocute.

You’re right I’ll forget about it

I bought a TUSHY for less than $100 last year. I LOVE it. Friends are afraid to use it. I also bought one for my mom. It took 5 minutes to install. Of course, it's only cold water, and it doesn't dry your hole...I still LOVE it.

R42. You could just wash your butt in the shower. Then you don’t have to have some nasty spray bottle. Like someone else mentioned you use your washcloth once and then put it in the wash along with the others for the week. Bleach it and then it will be ready for use again. You don’t have to buy an expensive toilet seat but you will have to clean your shower more thoroughly.

Can you put it in yourself?

I've had two bidet toilet seats-- a Brondell and a BioBidet. Both similar. Remote control, different settings, dryer (which I never use.) You need an electrical connection and a water supply.

I want to know how a toilet seat can give you an enema!

[quote]You do realize you need a plumber to install it? Good luck with that one...

Get a clue, R2.

[quote]You need an electrical connection and a water supply.

The newer generations of bidet seats do not require electricity.

I can't believe you found one OP. I went on to Home Depot's website 2 weeks ago and every type of item (toilet seats, sprayers, bidets) was sold out

r56 But then you have to connect it to your hot water, which is usually VERY inconvenient.

I "invested" in this hand-held, portable "bidet" on Indiegogo. Was supposed to be delivered in December; still not here.

The 2 or 3 squares troll speaks the truth!

I recently had an encounter with one of those Uber fancy toilets at a hotel. Omg, a heated seat, night light and a million different options to spray my hole clean. Will definitely invest in one when we redo our bathroom.

We had the fancy warm water, blow dry, etc. and the simple under seat units. Save your money. The under-seat units work the best. I think I paid $45 for ours. Every few years we have to replace it. They are very easy to install. No plumber is necessary. We use a cloth rag to dry. We haven't bought TP in years. We do keep a roll available for timid guests. Also, the septic system is happier without all that paper. We would never go back.

I'm sorry for your loss, R59.

R62 if it’s not too much trouble can you post an example of what you’re talking about?

There's a definite learning curve with this thing. I think maybe my water pressure is too high. I think you could rupture something with it turned on high. It was super easy to install, took less than 10 minutes.

The poop water afterward kind of grosses me out. I guess I could flush first and then use it and then flush again. And I still don't trust it to get me completely clean, even though it does, so I'm still using a bit of toilet paper. Also, afterward, I just have to stand there with my pants down until my butt dries. I could use a towel, but then I'd have to set out ass towels and wash them on top of everything else. Maybe I'll just get better at positioning my coinslot. I'm glad I bought the bidet (seat) and it does feel nice. But I still think toilet paper was a really great invention and I'm sorry it's gone extinct. Who woulda thunk the first casualty of the end of modern society would be toilet paper?

Madonn'! It's so unfair! Why should you fags get bidets and not us fags?