Help! The Bartender I Hooked Up With Has Banned Me From My Favorite Bar.
I was a regular at this bar for most of last year, going at least once a week. I became good friends with one of the bartenders and started to develop feelings for him. Eventually, I asked him out. He said that he was seeing someone else and they were exclusive. I accepted the answer, and we continued to interact as friends at the bar. A couple of weeks later, after his shift was over, a few staff members of the bar and me and a friend all went to another bar. The bartender was there too, and basically, he invited me to his place after we kissed. We hooked up, and the following morning, he sent me a message asking me not to come to the two bars where he works until we had a conversation about the hookup. He went totally silent for a few days, and when we finally talked, he was 45 minutes late and only ended up talking to me for 10 minutes. He said he was embarrassed about the hookup. I told him there was nothing to be embarrassed about. We decided to keep being friends. I went to his bar a couple of times after, and he was totally hot and cold, sometimes being friendly and other times ignoring me for an hour, even though he had been serving me drinks. He kept doing this at his second bar, and at one point, I called him a coward while there were no other customers there and only one other employee. Since that incident, he has told the staff and managers at the bar where I was a regular that he feels uncomfortable around me and that I was yelling at him. (I didn’t yell.) He told me I was banned from that bar. I spoke to the manager, and he said I should wait a couple of weeks until tempers cool before going back. This weekend, a bartender who used to work at this bar told me he heard from multiple people that I “went psycho.”
I feel like the bartender I hooked up with is making me out to be a stereotypical “crazy” woman. I recognize I confronted him at work, but I genuinely don’t think that justifies banning me from both bars and telling people that I’m crazy or whatever. I feel like I am being gaslit. He is treating me like such a villain even though he has been inconsiderate to me this entire time. I want to speak again to the manager because I feel like I am being unfairly treated. What do you think I should do?
| by Anonymous | reply 42 | February 19, 2020 4:09 AM
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Well, there could be 2 reasons :
1. you were a lousy lay, or
2. YOURE TOO NEEDY AND ACTED PSYCHO
| by Anonymous | reply 1 | February 18, 2020 8:45 PM
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As DL arbiter of good tastes - Nene Leakes - once said, “keep your legs closed to ‘married’ men”. That would seem to be a relevant thought here as well.
| by Anonymous | reply 2 | February 18, 2020 8:47 PM
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Impossible, R1. You are gaslighting. Next?
| by Anonymous | reply 3 | February 18, 2020 8:48 PM
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I. Will. Not. Be. Ignoooooooooooored!
| by Anonymous | reply 4 | February 18, 2020 8:51 PM
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He's just not that into you. You shouldn't have shit where you eat. Move on.
| by Anonymous | reply 5 | February 18, 2020 8:52 PM
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[quote] He's just not that into you.
Then why did he hook up with me, hmm? Stop gaslighting.
| by Anonymous | reply 6 | February 18, 2020 8:53 PM
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R5 is right, girl. Banning you is a little dramatic but when you bang dudes like this (i.e. super casual) you just have to go into it with "NOTHING is coming of this" in your head, and the wherewithal to stop yourself if even a tiny part of you is hoping something will come of it. I tried casual sex in my late teens and I have to say it just doesn't work for me.
| by Anonymous | reply 7 | February 18, 2020 8:54 PM
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R6 if you really are OP... men aren't like us. They definitely don't have to like you to bang you. They don't even have to be any more than very slightly attracted to you and even then only in a super horny/desperate moment. The sooner you learn this the better.
| by Anonymous | reply 8 | February 18, 2020 8:56 PM
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Confessions Of A Bar Slut
| by Anonymous | reply 9 | February 18, 2020 8:56 PM
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R6,Because he is a man, and he was drunk, and it was JUST SEX. You admitted you've developed feelings for him. He clearly does not feel the same, and regrets the hook up.
| by Anonymous | reply 10 | February 18, 2020 8:56 PM
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R8 it had probably been a few hours and he felt the need to shoot seed. Nothing more.
| by Anonymous | reply 12 | February 18, 2020 8:59 PM
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All of OPs responses are pointing to delusional psycho/potential stalker who does not want to hear the truth.
| by Anonymous | reply 13 | February 18, 2020 8:59 PM
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He either got caught cheating by the other "exclusive" boyfriend, or he has tremendous guilt for cheating on the "exclusive" boyfriend.
You need to teach this fucker a lesson he'll never forget. Go all Alex Forrest on his ass, that way he'll think twice about a side piece when his dick is hard and the "exclusive" ain't available.
| by Anonymous | reply 14 | February 18, 2020 9:00 PM
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I think a rational person would find another bar, n'est-ce pas?
| by Anonymous | reply 15 | February 18, 2020 9:03 PM
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OP, grow up. Do the right thing and hang at another bar for a year. It's an easy thing for you to do. Your bartender friend makes his living at these bars; you do not. Wether its true or not, he perceives you as hanging around the bar mooning over him. Grow up and go hang out at another bar. And ffs, don't sleep with the help, m'kay?
| by Anonymous | reply 16 | February 18, 2020 9:03 PM
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Find somewhere else to drink.
| by Anonymous | reply 17 | February 18, 2020 9:03 PM
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This is one of those women who act like "sex is no big deal", but is in complete denial. Women have a button on their cervix and when a man dick hits that button, a woman's eyeballs turn into hearts and they start planning wedding dress shopping before the dude has even had a chance to cum!
| by Anonymous | reply 18 | February 18, 2020 9:03 PM
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Isn't this how Fatal Attraction started?
| by Anonymous | reply 19 | February 18, 2020 9:06 PM
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Is there anything more pathetic than someone who doesn't know how to play the game. OP is infantile.
| by Anonymous | reply 20 | February 18, 2020 9:11 PM
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R13, OP is not the woman asking the question. OP only posted the link to a Dear Prudence letter on Slate.com
So who's the tool pretending to be the female side piece here? I sure as hell doubt the woman in question would need to come to DL after getting sensible advice from Prudie.
| by Anonymous | reply 22 | February 18, 2020 9:15 PM
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The mistake was that she went back to not one, but both of his bars, when he was trying not to see her again.
Take a f'ing hint.
| by Anonymous | reply 23 | February 18, 2020 9:18 PM
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"Confessions of A Tinymeat Widow" now in paperback!
| by Anonymous | reply 24 | February 18, 2020 9:22 PM
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Good for YOU to ask to speak with the Manager!
| by Anonymous | reply 25 | February 18, 2020 9:26 PM
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[quote]making me out to be a stereotypical “crazy” woman
Lost interest.
| by Anonymous | reply 26 | February 18, 2020 9:27 PM
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Hahahaha R25. We fucked and now you won't talk to me??? I'm telling your BOSS!!
| by Anonymous | reply 27 | February 18, 2020 9:28 PM
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[quote] I want to speak again to the manager because I feel like I am being unfairly treated.
YOU ARE A WOMAN. It is your constitutional right to speak to the manager. Go for it!
| by Anonymous | reply 28 | February 18, 2020 9:36 PM
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Stop gaslighting, R22!!!!!!!
| by Anonymous | reply 29 | February 18, 2020 9:36 PM
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Why is the term "gas light" so hard for most people to use correctly?
| by Anonymous | reply 30 | February 18, 2020 9:37 PM
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[quote] at one point, I called him a coward
The end. Goodbye.
| by Anonymous | reply 31 | February 18, 2020 10:51 PM
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These slate columns always get posted here now and people are always incapable of realizing it isn't the OPs story r22.
| by Anonymous | reply 32 | February 18, 2020 10:55 PM
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The OP makes up scenarios for several threads. Two days ago he was turning straight.
It's just a bunch of lies.
| by Anonymous | reply 33 | February 18, 2020 10:59 PM
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This isn't the OP's story, you idiots, it's from Slate.
Say what you want about Slate, but they know how to generate clickbait, and the idiots on DL fall for it every time.
| by Anonymous | reply 34 | February 18, 2020 11:07 PM
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What kind of fucking idiots think it’s the OP’s story? There’s a fucking link to the fucking article, for fuck’s sake.
| by Anonymous | reply 35 | February 19, 2020 1:28 AM
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After he’s dead, drop him a note.
| by Anonymous | reply 36 | February 19, 2020 2:27 AM
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Are you SERIOUS OP? Talk about a TRIVIAL, SHALLOW, RIDICULOUS first-world problem.
| by Anonymous | reply 37 | February 19, 2020 2:34 AM
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I think you should consider drinking less.
| by Anonymous | reply 38 | February 19, 2020 2:36 AM
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I think you should consider drinking more!
| by Anonymous | reply 39 | February 19, 2020 2:47 AM
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[quote] What kind of fucking idiots think it’s the OP’s story? There’s a fucking link to the fucking article, for fuck’s sake.
Yes, we can fucking see that. However, the fucking troll OP then fucking responded several times as though it were his own fucking story he had linked to, for fuck's sake.
| by Anonymous | reply 40 | February 19, 2020 2:52 AM
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Go all Karen on his sorry ass.
| by Anonymous | reply 41 | February 19, 2020 3:57 AM
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I fucked a bartender once then he ghosted me. Made me so and that I threw a beer at his head.
| by Anonymous | reply 42 | February 19, 2020 4:09 AM
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