About tactless questions

Smile wryly and ask them,"Why exactly do you want to know?" It should shut them up. If they persist, say, "Sorry, that's not a good enough reason for me to answer your inane questions."

Just be honest. Say, “That’s a very personal question,” or, “I don’t quite know how to answer that.”

I’m fond of, “oh, I won’t bore you with the details.”

I usually just smile, laugh, and ignore while wishing them death inside my head. But I like R1 and R3. I think I'm gonna start using that cause it's getting harder to hold my tongue.

“I can’t imagine why you’d want to know that.”

[quote]Smile wryly and ask them,"Why exactly do you want to know?" It should shut them up. If they persist, say, "Sorry, that's not a good enough reason for me to answer your inane questions."

I've found this type of response is the best strategy.

Saying something along the lines of "that's an interesting question, why are you asking that?" allows someone who truly didn't mean to be nosy or offensive to backtrack gracefully by signalling that the question may be delicate with minimal embarrassment to either party. On the other hand, someone being nosy or malicious should become embarrassed and stop asking.

If they persist after such a signal, then responding with a simple "oh, I'm not comfortable responding to such a private question."

If a real douchenozzle's continues to press with comments like "that's silly, it's not private," you should simply stop replying. Replying, justifying, or explaining further implies they DESERVE an explanation or your reasoning which, of course, they are not entitled to have.

Just admit that you’re a bottom, OP. No need for embarrassment.

I go silent and just innocently look at them, trying my best not to look angry.

“Which one of you is the wife?”

I look them straight in the eye, no smile, and say "Why do you want to know?" If they persist, I ignore them, totally.

I smile and say, "Thank you for caring enough to ask." But I never answer the question.

I usually tweak their nose and say, “My, my, sir. I do believe you’re jealous,” even if it’s a woman.

This wasn't a question, more of a comment. My partner at that time was dying. I was pretty much living at the hospital. I would take a break at noon to get myself a coffee and lunch. As I was walking back to my car, no doubt looking rather unhappy, a guy says to me, "Hey, buddy, smile, it can't be that bad."

The problem with tactless people is that well, they're tactless. Most of the responses mentioned will not work. They just give the person more fodder. "Why are you so embarrassed to answer a simple question?" "What do you have to hide?" "Are you embarrassed that you are... (single, gay, childless, unemployed, self employed, etc.)?"

Basically, it is a no win situation, because if you don't answer or walk away, the tactless person will just use it as an example of your lack of character/secretiveness (untrustworthy)/ emotional instability/ mental deficiency.

I would say, "What a fucking rude asshole you are" and spit on them.

[quote]”Why are you so embarrassed to answer a simple question?" "What do you have to hide?" "Are you embarrassed that you are... (single, gay, childless, unemployed, self employed, etc.)?"

Feign shock then reply, “Wow! Really?!” and walk away.

“He died, Rose.” Is my standard reply when anyone badgers me about my husband’s accidental death.

Just say "pay me $5 and I'll tell you the answer." That's usually met with a long stare. If they say "what??", say "I said, pay me $10 and I'll tell you the answer." If they say, "no you said $5", tell them "was it $15? Hmmm, I thought I heard $20." Continue to up it by $5 each time, knowing full well you never have any intention of telling them the info.

I repeat the question back to them, like, "Do you think I xxxxx?" And usually that makes them embarrassed and they quickly try to change the subject.

r13, yeah, as a clinically depressed suicidal teenager I kept running into people telling me to smile. I do have a cute smile but really.

"That's a question for another time," or "That's a long story"; then change the subject.

R13, a similar thing on the way to the funeral home after my mom had died. Random stranger on the train told me, "It can't be that bad." Me: "It is, unless you can bring the dead back to life." He stopped trying to engage after that.

In that situation, r14, you are perfectly ok to say, “I was trying to be polite, but what the fuck is wrong with you?!”

Stan them lightly with a stiletto blade in the buttocks.

I must be totally tactless because I wouldn't be offended by any of the examples of questions posed by OP.

My bf and I have been together for over 20 years. We lived together for a few years and then figured out we each liked living alone better. We did not break up. We are in a committed relationship but never had any interest in getting married when it became legal. However, we are both resigned to the fact that we probably will get married and live together in retirement, mostly for the economic and legal benefits. Whenever someone who doesn't know either of us well asks me "When are you two finally going to get married?" I usually respond with, "Once I knock him up."

R24, I wouldn't be offended either. The way I see it, people can ask me whatever they want but I don't have to answer it.

If the questions were sincere, I would be OK, but usually they're intended to make you feel awkward. Some people get off on that.

I always hate when people ask "so, what do you do?" I always feel like they're trying to figure out how much respect they should have for you. The thing is that I never think of asking that to someone I've just met. That or where they went to school. Those are such weird questions to me. As if I'm going to be more impressed by someone who went to Harvard and is a wealthy attorney rather than a very witty, warm and engaging waitress who never finished college.

Don’t ever move to DC. Those are the first 2 questions you will be asked in every conversation.

r27 - Asking that question to someone you just me is uniquely American. My European friends are repulsed by this.

^ "met"

I find a long cold stare usually shuts them up. My late dad was the best, anyone who asked a nosy question got "What's it fucking got to do with you?" Tact wasn't his forte.

If someone asks something like this, I simply respond with "what's your favorite sexual position?" If they answer, they're probably a good egg and I'll actually converse with them.

I like that R32. It could be a bit awkward with Grandma though, or not...

"Why do you ask?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I'm curious about why you would be curious enough to ask about such a thing? Why do you ask?"

"Again, why do you ask?"

Always in the same quiet tone of disgusted curiousity. Wear them the fuck out.

I gained 40 pounds in a year and a half (combo of depression, too many carbs, and a move to a city where I was less physically active) and my new size was frequently commented on by family members. I’ve never quite understood the thinking behind commenting on someone else’s weight gain to their face—it’s not like you don’t notice that your clothes no longer fit and your belly and face are as round as medicine balls.

Someone once asked, “What are you doing to put on the weight?” and while I just shrugged it off at the time, I wish I said I gained it from eating ass.

The Miss Manners suggestion to such boorish questions is brilliant: "Oh, I should never dream of burdening you with that information."

I don’t understand why simple conversational questions so trouble OP and other responders.

[quote] The problem with tactless people is that well, they're tactless. Most of the responses mentioned will not work. They just give the person more fodder. "Why are you so embarrassed to answer a simple question?" "What do you have to hide?" "Are you embarrassed that you are... (single, gay, childless, unemployed, self employed, etc.)?"

In which case, you should immediately walk away from the person, because the person is a complete asshole.

I've had to do that on occasion.

[quote] Basically, it is a no win situation, because if you don't answer or walk away, the tactless person will just use it as an example of your lack of character/secretiveness (untrustworthy)/ emotional instability/ mental deficiency.

In which case: who really gives a shit what they think? They do not deserve to know anyone's personal business because they're tactless assholes.

If rude assholes press me, I smile sweetly and say, “I was trying to tell you nicely that I’m not going to answer your question.”

The classic datalounge response if of course a well-timed hiss at the interrogator.

I just say, “RUDE!!!” In my best Bon Qui Qui voice

The trick is to live a life you’re not ashamed of. Then no question ever throws you : )

[quote]Someone once asked, “What are you doing to put on the weight?” and while I just shrugged it off at the time, I wish I said I gained it from eating ass.

“Who knew cum had so many calories? [Looks questioner up and down] Ah who am I kidding? Obviously you did.”

[quote] The trick is to live a life you’re not ashamed of. Then no question ever throws you : )

We’re not talking about questions we’re ashamed to answer as much as the person asking has no right to the information.