Men’s Health: How to Talk to Boys About Porn, Consent and Sex, According to Boys & Sex Author

The article states that more young people watch porn than adults. They may need guidance in what they watch.

Also stated is that hetero anal sex is becoming more popular on porn sites. The author mentioned that he told his son that if he ever partakes in anal sex, he still needs to wear a condom. That's good advice, especially if his son turns out to be gay.

Ummmm no kid should be watching porn. Parents are embracing it rather than fighting it.

Are some of you actually retarded or just Christian fraus? With their own phones and access to the internet, of course boys are going to browse porn. It's probably easier now than ever!

Kids are "learning" a lot about sex through online porn. SOMEONE needs to tell them that really sex isn't like that. I've linked a good article from NYT magazine a few years back about a high school course that teaches kids how to think about what they're seeing.

Apparently, lot of boys believe that all women want to be slapped and choked during sex, and girls think they're just supposed to do all kinds of shit now. Anal has been vanilla for a long time. EVERYONE has been doing that for ten or twenty years. People need to get more and more out there to get off and porn reflects that, but the thing is, kids are seeing at 10, 11, 12 really extreme porn--ages a lot of us were just then peeking at magazines or cinemax.

All of our existence, humans have been wired to fuck at puberty onward, and now in one generation no one wants to talk to anyone and want just be left alone with their phone and their hand.

Erectile dysfunction among young men is much higher than before. It used to be unheard of in this age group. The odds of finding a partner who will do everything they see online is slim. You can't turn yourself into a horned giant fucking a hentai cartoon in real life. Boner killer! And actual fucking requires energy you don't have to exert when jerking yourself off. It is fucking kids up bad.

Jokes aside, that kind of thinking will lead to a lot of trouble for both sides.

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Nobody ever talks to gaylings about gay sex. We have to figure it out ourselves. This is just more pandering to hetero breeder problems.

I was at the New York Public Library when I heard giggling. I look over at a computer terminal and two ten year-olds, a boy and a girl, are looking at a close up picture of a split-open vagina and giggling madly.

R8 that is creepy

I think there's a difference between some anatomical photo on Wikipedia and getting spit roasted in a gang bang gif.

"SOMEONE needs to tell them that really sex isn't like that."

SOMEONE needs to tell DL's pron queen addicts that sex isn't really like that. 80% of the bitches on here sole knowledge of sex comes from them watching pron 24/7.

R10 EXACTLY.

I always see men defending kids watching porn by saying “when I was 10 I would look at my dads Playboy magazines and I turned out fine”. There is a HUGE DIFFERENCE between seeing a woman naked and seeing her get fucked hard.

R7 see R11.

The answer is not to shelter children. I’m so fucking over attitudes like r4.

R4 types like Poo Shoes 👠💩

R14 not sheltering is one thing. Allowing your 10 year old to watch hardcore porn is another. Not ok.

[quote] The author mentioned that he told his son that if he ever partakes in anal sex, he still needs to wear a condom.

I don’t think anyone teaches females to douche before anal. So he better tell his son that if he ever “partakes” in straight anal - to be ready for his cock to come out looking like a shit-fest, and for that manure to be all over their bed sheets.

It is impossible to prevent kids from seeing porn.

Operating as if a child is not going to see those images or actively seek them out is as ridiculous as thinking that abstinence education is a sound birth control and sex education strategy.

You are ALWAYS better off when you can control the narrative. I'm not saying that you should show a six year old fisting porn. However, you can begin to discuss sex in situation and age appropriate ways. Not to do so is tantamount neglect.

[quote] Allowing your 10 year old to watch hardcore porn is another. Not ok.

This isn't about allowing anything. It's about giving kids the proper tools and knowledge to navigate through real, actual life which is very different from what they see in, say, porn.

It can also be very helpful for kids, and future generations, to give them early on the proper tools and knowledge to deal with drugs, society / peer pressure, sex in general, relationships, religion, media manipulation, blindly trusting so-called authority figures, self-worth, etc.

R15 I'm not poo shoes, I listened to a podcast on how porn has changed everyone and now I consider myself an expert.

[quote] Allowing your 10 year old to watch hardcore porn is another. Not ok.

A 10-year old can establish some very damaging and destructive beliefs about sex (and relationships) when he is left on his own to deal with the experience of watching porn. And he will most surely come across pornography early on in his life no matter how busy his parents and society are with shielding him from it.

Keeping an inquisitive kid away from viewing porn -- in this age of smartphones and ubiquitous internet -- is probably like trying to shield the sun from them using your hands. It's better to discuss the issue frankly and educate them vs. some abstinence policy...

My sister recently gave my nephews their first smart phones, and didn't put any parental or content locks on it. I said, "you know they're looking at the worst shit the internet has to offer, right?" and she, a teacher, said, "it's going to happen anyway." She's probably right, but I did make sure she understands that if they start taking pictures of themselves or accepting naked pictures of friends, they could get in serious trouble and so could she. I think that gave her pause.

[quote]I was at the New York Public Library when I heard giggling. I look over at a computer terminal and two ten year-olds, a boy and a girl, are looking at a close up picture of a split-open vagina and giggling madly.

This is precisely why I am opening my Goop Library!

Considering the ways a girl could ruin a guy, if I had a son I’d encourage him to watch porn instead.

Porn is not healthy for their developing brains r25

R26 Neither are school shootings and half the adults in the country all in for automatic rifles but I don't see conservatives too up in arms about that!

R26 Neither are school shootings and half the adults in the country all in for automatic rifles but I don't see conservatives too up in arms about that!

R28 that is an awful comparison.

Porn actually rewires the dopamine pathways in the brain. Unless you experience it first hand, a school shooting is just something in the news.

R30 Ya I'm sure constant gun violence in the news has no effect on their psyche but sex does.

R31 it doesn’t unless you’re in it. How stupid.

I talk to man and boy for you. Man-boy-dog ok too. But first I remove panty.

R32 You sound triggered. I bet you're a MAGAt.

No. I’m just Educated

Educated people don't randomly spell educated with a capital E. You sound pretty stupid to me.

It's best to start them learning about consent by beginning with themselves.

"You give your consent, right?"

"FUCK YEAH, DADDY!"

Young girls are taking cue from porn as well and having school yard gangbangs.

Sweetie, that was an error. Or is not that serious. What is serious is believing that seeing a new story is so traumatic for someone that it alters the wiring in their brains. You’re a fucking pathetic excuse for a man and clearly a pervert that needs to have his computer checked.

Kids seek out porn because they're curious.

Yes, parents should actively protect them from doing so while also realizing that they probably will anyway. They should also talk to them about it.

Watching movies and poking around your dad's magazines has been replaced by streaming searches and just generally being on social media.

Unless you're a parent that knows how to protect your kid's computers and cell phones from searching for porn AND THEN can also guarantee the people they hang out with also have the same protection it's impossible.

When I was a kid a guy brought photos of his naked girlfriend to school and shared them with everyone. Now all you need is a cell phone.

Again, seeing a naked body is not the same as hardcore porn.

r30 knows what they're talking about.

Porn addiction is real and can lead to "upping the dosage", meaning that ever more dangerous and destructive images, for example looking at child porn, can happen and it IS related to dopamine and addiction.

While, of course, it's not the same act as engaging in compulsive gambling, it's similar in that a gambler increases their bet for e greater thrill of risk.

for a greater thrill of risk.

R39/OP, just a quick blocking of you proves you're a deplorable Frau who spends her time starting Meghan Markle threads and pushing pro-Trump bullshit on here.

Your idiocy is far more dangerous than porn. I hope you never breed and your stupidity ends with you.

R44 I have literally never started a Pro Trump thread and post quite the opposite. Also post pro LGBT and pro black People stuff.

So clearly you’re wrong. Again.

Liberalism has nothing to do with supporting KIDS WATCHING PORN.

R45 Sure, Jan. Your threads are like Trolling 101, since you're the one starting all the fleeing Blue Cities, Meghan Markle threads. You also started this thread about loving Tomi Lahren.

Cunt, go have a fucking seat.

I have a 10, now 11, year old neighbor who talked so much about sex, his need for sex, wanting to make girls squirt, how he wanted to fuck every girl he knows, to actually having sex as a 10 year old with a 12 year old and talking about how it was the best feeling ever. Yea, that is not normal and the neighborhood and his parents have done things to punish him but his parents feel he NEEDS his phone. Well, guess what? He watches porn and shows it to other kids.

R45s been burned! Ya basic, bitch! Also types like Poo Shoes

OP Thanks for starting this thread as I have been thinking about doIng one about the book that’s the article is reviewing. The author, Peggy Orenstein, is brilliant and has written many books on girls and young woman and this book is basically a companion to one on girls and sex.

Fresh Air had her on last week and she talks about the porn issues, but there’s much about gay boys too. She gives a lot of props to gay boys in the ability to discuss consent. Many won’t like it, but she acknowledges Dan Savage’s point that the phrase “What are you into?” opens up a conversation between gay boys and negotiating having sex that just doesn’t happen in straight sexual encounters.

She also discusses the prevalent use of “fag” and how it is evolving as an epithet away from being a gay thing and that many boys even with gay friends use it, but not in regards to sexuality.

For those that would rather read than listen, this looks like a good long format discussion of the book too.

I'm sorry, R49, but why exactly is this middle-aged woman some expert on teenage boy sexuality? She has no physiological concept of what it's like to be male, think like a male, or to have once been a teen boy.

I would say the same thing about a middle-aged man trying to be an expert on teen girl sexuality, too, btw.

Preach r51

Kids have more access to porn these days than their parents can possibly imagine. And unless those parents are real porn aficionados, they have no idea just how far porn has come [pardon the expression] since their teenage years.

Teenage boys search for online porn with the same healthy curiosity that had them digging around in the closet for their dads' Playboys. But what they find needs some adult conversation. Some of you seem to think that you can't have this conversation without actually showing the kid porn. Ridiculous! You can talk in general terms about the kinds of things they might come across while searching the net, and how it does or doesn't reflect real life. Like a superhero comic book or a sci-fi movie. You can talk about things like consent, respect, boundaries, and responsibility. If you're smart, keep this discussion separate from the other discussion you're going to have about safety, STIs, pregnancy, etc. It's a different topic for a different day.

Parents who think they can "shelter" their children are beyond naive -They are actually putting their kids at grave risk. They need to open up lines of communication now, while their kids still respect them enough to hear what they have to say. It's the time to say, "You can always talk to me about anything, and I'll do my best to give you honest, complete answers. And you know I'll always be there for you." Because kids will come back with questions and test you out. And you become a role model instead of someone to keep secrets from.

[quote] Kids have more access to porn these days than their parents can possibly imagine.

Just buy your kid a Nokia phone (the screen is so small it’s hard to watch videos on it). And put content-lock on your family desktop. Done.

All this straight melodrama is because every Daddy in every straight family watches PornHub himself and can’t be bothered to track his kid’s similar usage.

The kids who have unlimited access to porn are the ones who have parents who can’t be half-arsed to monitor them.

R54 And what about their friends? Are you really that naive to think that you can prevent them from browsing online porn just because you bought them a phone with small screen and blocked porn on your family computer? Are you an eldergay living in 2000?

R55, the “friends” have parents too. All devices are gifted only by parents. Teach the other parents how to use content-block on devices (you’d be surprised how many parents, especially from poor-background families, are still technologically illiterate and type with 2 fingers).

And I’m an early Millennial. As an example, my parents applied ZERO effort to block or monitor anything that I watched online. I could switch on even my family’s main desktop computer and watch hardcore porn when I was home alone - because my parents simply “trusted” me and didn’t put up ANY technological blocks or limits on me.

My best friend is a school teacher and talked about this topic (actually it started as talking about how to protect your data online) in class with her kids. One boy (11 years old) explained that for him sex meant slapping/chocking the girls and fucking them (in every orifice) until they bleed. The other boys agreed. That's what they see online and believe it to be like that in real life.

What the hell do you say to that?

When homosexual boys access gay porn it's not as damaging as when heterosexual boys access straight porn. Gay porn saved me from going insane when I was growing up, and the balance of power of males in gay porn was good for my mental and emotional health as a homosexual kid growing up. The power dynamics that exist in straight porn are extremely dysfunctional and unrealistic. The heterosexual boys I knew growing up who got access to straight porn, ended up violent and dysfunctional, and were never satisfied even when they grew up because the females in their lives didn't match the females in straight porn. And because of this, straight boys end up getting into far more serious trouble and engage in more rape.

[quote] for him sex meant slapping/chocking the girls and fucking them (in every orifice) until they bleed ... That's what they see online and believe it to be like that in real life.

R57, they believe choking & blood is standard sex? Doubtful. They likely know BLOOD is a fetish (after watching it and, most importantly, LIKING it) and then simply pursue it in real life. I think that’s what they meant.

For example, when I was a kid I stumbled upon bestiality porn (I’m the kid with technologically naïve parents who didn’t use content-block). I never once believed bestiality is “real life” just based on the fact that I saw it online - I was disgusted by it and understood it’s a fetish.

The majority of straight porn on PornHub is actually relatively tame. “Choking” and “blood” videos do not come up as first in a search. A kid REALLY has to search to find a “blood” video - which means he has a developing fetish and such videos suit his fetish.

We know.

[quote] How to Talk to Boys About Porn, Consent and Sex

Lol, one doesn’t talk to boys - simply spank them until they develop a submissive “I’ve been a bad boy, spank me, daddy” fetish.

[quote] the “friends” have parents.

Nobody can fully control their own environment and yet you think parents can control the environment of their kids 24/7? Now there is some delusion going on in your head.

Kids seeing adult oriented content is a given in this social media obsessed times. The real crime is to leave kids alone with this or to poison their minds even further with shame, fear, and religious doctrine.

[quote] you think parents can control the environment of their kids 24/7?

No, I think most parents are technologically illiterate and don’t even try to control their kids’ online activities:

[quote] PC World: “Most Parents IGNORE Parental Controls for Kids. 4 out of 5 parents that use parental control software DON’T TURN IT ON, despite being concerned about their children's online safety, says McAfee.

[quote] Research by the security firm revealed a further 52% of parents admitted they NEVER changed the security settings on their parental controls software.”

[quote] the findings reveal that there are some crucial gaps in [technological] awareness and [even] SIMPLE active protection which if addressed could fast take safe family surfing to the next level …” says Greg Day, security analyst at McAfee.”

Why do you think parents don’t allow young kids to go play outside at 3am in the morning? Why do you think they don’t allow them to fly to Berlin by themselves? It’s called exactly “controlling their environment”. 24/7 is not necessary - kids sleep for half the day anyway :).

When you’re someone’s legal guardian - you control most of their life. You can up and move them to a different town, state or even across the planet to Papua New Guinea if you want to. You don’t seem to realise the power that most parents have.

Many straight parents are just lazy - many spawn and then they just let their kids grow like weeds.

Monitoring is the only solution. Because trying to “teach” kids that their new-found ‘choking’ fetish is “bad” is like telling a teenage sugar-addict that chocolate cake is “bad” - they WON’T listen.

[quote] The real crime is to leave kids alone with this or to poison their minds even further with shame, fear, and religious doctrine.

R62 / R63 - you’re the one who is “delusional”. Porn can be an addiction and no amount of soft, non-judgmental, shame-free 'pep talks' will change a porn HABIT.

If a teen develops a fetish for choking - you plan to change that without shame and fear? Lol. The whole legal system is built on shame & fear - those are the main deterrents for human beings. What, you think you’ll sit a young choker down and tell them it’s ‘not nice to choke people’ and they’ll listen to you?

If seeing someone getting choked gives a teenage boy (or adult guy) an automatic physical hard-on - then simply giving them non-judgemental ’talks & lectures’ won’t change much.

R57 is lying

AGREED R51!! She's a hack trying to FRAUsplain male sexuality, just like so many fraus do here!!

[quote] that for him sex meant slapping/chocking the girls

Oh, DEER

R67 women don’t understand shit about men. They’re shrill and hysterical opinions are irrelevant and useless.

R49 I read an article from this so-called Sex Expert of Teen Male Sexuality.

It read like your High School Home Ec teacher explaining nocturnal emissions to her knitting circle!

"They’re shrill and hysterical opinions are irrelevant and useless."

Believe you and me, R69 knows her shrill and hysterical.

Women cannot even understand what a male orgasm feels like but they are experts on male sexuality?

Dear lord in heaven!

Buck would never look at double anal, fisting porn.

My sister's daughter developed a porn habit. Or rather my sister discovered that she'd be searching around for it when she was 14.

I put an IP blocker (that is used in schools to block out porn) on my sister's computer.

I put one on the girl's laptop.

I put one on her iPhone.

However, that's something I know how to do. My sister and her husband had no clue how to do any of that. They didn't even know how to acquire any of those apps.

They did however tell her not to be embarrassed but that's not something that she should be looking at. If she had questions she should ask them.

R75 Girls watch porn?

That's not going to stop her from viewing porn. She'll probably find a way around it. And gross, no teenager is going to ask their fucking parents about sex.

[quote]Kids have more access to porn these days

Slap them viciously the little wankers !!!

[quote] That's not going to stop her from viewing porn. She'll probably find a way around it

Yes, it will. No offence, but females are generally not very tech savvy. And I doubt she'll go around begging co-students to watch porn on their devices - they'll brand her a desperate ho. Guys watch porn together - girls don't, they're too embarrassed.

[quote] no teenager is going to ask their fucking parents about sex.

I did. I wanted to embarrass them and see the awkward expressions on their faces :).

OK R78, you got me there!

I always had access to porn when I was young, my parents never cared to put a parental blocker on my out computer. I didnt really watch porn until I was 15 because I shared a computer with my siblings and it would be embarrassing if they found out.

Now every kid has their own phone that they can do whatever they please with. Every kid watches porn 24/7 now.

[quote]Yes, it will. No offence, but females are generally not very tech savvy.

I've known many tech savvy women in my time. This child is not tech savvy. So you're right there.

[quote]no teenager is going to ask their fucking parents about sex.

The thing is: we grew up watching TV shows where they always told kids to talk to their parents about sex. I once asked my mom a sex question and she damn near lost her mind. I had to ask my uncle. My mom was almost a nun before she met my father!

Also my sister's whole thing has always been improving upon what our parents didn't do with us. She doesn't get everything she wants but if she does a play, my sister goes to see it. If she wants to take dance classes, my sister will let her. She wants an open relationship within reason with her. We never had that.

I don't know if my niece knows my sister totally would talk to her about anything she wanted. She genuinely LOVES those children in a way our parents didn't love us. (Our father always worked and barely spoke to us. My mom did love us in her own way but she was distant for most of our lives and only became more friendly when we got older and she realized she screwed up.)

I should have suggested she talk to my other sister if she had questions. She'd be the young "cool aunt." She does come to me with issues non-sex related she doesn't want to tell her parents and I always go to them first to soften them up depending on the severity.

"Porn can be an addiction..."

TELL me about it...