Annoying co-worker habits

I work for a major media corporation and share an office with two other guys, both around the same age in the same position as me. All three of us of us have worked for the company for over a decade, so we’ve all known each other for quite some time. One of them, we’ll call him Steve, is a terrible and obnoxious office mate. Steve’s favorite pastime is to loudly complain about EVERY aspect of his job. It’s a healthy mix of loudly exclaiming things to himself (“OHHH FUCK THIS PLACE” is heard at least a half dozen times a day) and constantly interrupting our quiet office to vent to us why he’s annoyed, who fucked up, fuck this place etc.

Sometimes we’ll all be sitting silently doing work and he’ll turn to us and annoying just burst into a story about how stressed and annoyed he is. The funny thing is, he’s been doing this forever. It’s almost like a shtick. He’s not actually going to be quit, I think he just enjoys being “that guy” who’s constantly beleaguered by other stupid people and he wants nothing more than to talk about it.

He also has a Tourette’s-lite habit of constantly vomiting out words and phrases directed at people for no reason. For example, he’ll walk into the office and just exclaim something like “it’s all your guys faults!”. He does this CONSTANTLY.

Luckily, being a media corporation, I spend a good part of my day with headphones on my head, so I mostly completely ignore him unless he addresses me directly and by name. As someone who likes to work in a quiet and distraction free environment, I cannot fucking stand him.

I worked a very nerdy job that was filled with H-1 visa holders because the bank was just fulfilling regulatory requirements and wanted a minimal level of competency, but didn’t really want anyone making waves or asking questions. Just pretending to. So they hired people with PhDs in math, minimal English skills and ZERO understanding of financial markets and moved everyone to a really crappy location.

The problem was that it was too quiet. Nobody ever had a normal conversation about work or anything else. There was no ambient noise, so every time someone got on a phone (which they did too often because they didn’t want to struggle to put their poor English into writing) it was impossible to ignore. And the conversation was rarely in English, so it wasn’t like I was absorbing any peripheral info that might have helped me. So my coworkers were ALL annoying, by virtue of using the phone. They weren’t bad guys, it was just annoying to be unable to ignore their calls.

I was sometimes the employee R1 is complaining about. Sorry R1.

I have one coworker who cannot answer a simple question without going into at least 15 minutes of lecture on that and any related topics that may cross his mind. He is a wealth of institutional knowledge, but dear God...

Across from him is the woman who insists on unnecessary chitchat first thing in the morning. I have been clear in a polite way that I am not a morning person, but she persists, even if I turn away and put in ear buds. To make things even less pleasant, she is a Trumper. She will bring him in as topic unnecessarily just to be a cunt. Cunty cunt cunt. But it's okay, because she has FAITH.

Constant clearing of sinuses/throat, loud sneezing, coughing things up, obnoxious belly laughter (including queens throwing their heads back and doing the Bette Davis cackle). Announcing you have to take a dump ot talking about the one you just took.

20- and 30-something women who want to be treated as professionals, but who insist on talking in a teeny BABY VOICE. Jesus PETE!!!

Carpet-bombers, drive-by farters! OMG. Just go to the fucking bathroom and let loose! Also, people who don't think washing their anal aperture is part of basic hygiene. We can smell that shit, yo!!!

People who ear hustle your convo just because they are in earshot and think it’s ok to put in their two pennies.

Office know-it-alls who think they are experts in everything. Think the office version of DLers.

When Foursquare first launched, some guys in our department thought it was funny to tag the printer and the men's bathroom as locations, and kept "checking in" on FB throughout the day.

Sending a half dozen or more one-sentence emails in a row instead of crafting a couple paragraphs into ONE email that I can keep track of. And no, it's not a "Millennial" or a "Boomer" who does this, but a Gen Xer. I don't how or why he picked up the habit of treating email like phone text. I don't know how to bring it up with him or if he'd even be capable of resisting the urge to hit "send" instead of return when he wants to make a new paragraph.

Guy who over-explains when answering a question, loudly, because he loves the sound of himself Explaining and wants the whole office to overhear him.

1. Blinky, short Asian guy, nice, except he repeatedly blows his nose like a trumpet.

2. Wompa, squat lesbian who shuffles her feet like a penguin.

3. Burster, who blasts out a laugh, and 'that is so funny!' demanding someone's attention to his noticing a week-old viral animal video.

4. Rambletta, reception gal, who doesn't get that 'How was your weekend?'s answer needn't be a complete roundup of everything that went wrong in her life the past few days.

5. Waddles, the stout elder freelancer who pops in for unwanted visits once a week and thinks we're friends. I've asked a guy in the next office to call em during his visits, so I can cut him off and scoot him out.

6. Me, the guy who has a small yet private office and keeps his door shut most of the day. And they wonder why...

I have a female version of Steve in my office, OP. Nonstop bitching and complaining about what’s stressing her out, and that seems to be everything, from the weather to the temperature of the office to every client with whom she speaks LOUDLY on the phone without bothering to close her door. Just close the damn door, Colleen!

Everyone knows at least one Steve at work, there is always someone who is relentless negative, sees the worst in everything, complains constantly, rants and raves about every slight or perceived injustice...but you know they are never going to leave. They may make everyone else go but they love to wallow in their misery and they especially love it when you join them in it.

What I do with people like that is to significantly limit interactions and shut down any spiralling rants as it becomes like an energy vampire and I need my energy for other things.

The young guy who's our office grunt at the moment, is addicted to cable news and Very Concerned about everything happening in the Middle East. He files all day and has his phone on CNN at all times, ready to report to anyone who will listen what he just heard. "Did you hear about the bombing a couple hours ago?", etc. I think he has Aspberger's or something.

The two people from the video production department who bring their MacBooks with them to meetings so they can text each other from their laptops DURING the meeting. And then do the ‘knowing smile’ thing at each other when one texts the other something witty. What are we, stupid?

And stop sitting with your backs to the window where people can see the reflections of your laptop screens. Don’t be a spy!

The morbidly obese, manic heifer in HR

Perfume and cologne.

Christians with Bibles on their desks.

Dog lovers who bring their pets into any conversation about family.

People who think incompetence deserves a reward because they "speak truth to power," are "woke," or "represent."

I like people with intelligence, a sense of humor, detachment and some effectiveness at their jobs.

I generally like everyone I work with. I don't repeat gossip so people feel compelled to tell me things. I know way too much.

[quote]Constant clearing of sinuses/throat, loud sneezing, coughing things up

THIS 😠

And smacking while eating at the desk.

Fraus gossiping nonstop. As soon as their whispering starts I want to ask them to take it to a boardroom or outside. It’s very difficult to concentrate on a Friday with the 24/7 chit chats that are not about work.

When I was a teacher, this old woman who had been teaching almost 40 years would always get to school 10 minutes before the rest of us and make her copies for the day. She always ran a million at a time and would walk away from the machine. Because this was a public school the machines were horrible, there would always be a jam, low toner, missing staples, etc and she wouldn’t be there to fix the problem.

My fourth year there they gave us all copy codes, then my fifth year we were limited on our printing. It was an insanely high number that I thought no one run out of. The principal told me (after I tuned in my resignation we were friendly) that they set the copy limit so that all staff members would be able to continue at their current level except for her...he said she had to cut her copies more than in half.

She retired the year I left.

The Indian contractors and Pakistanis who don't cover their stinky lunches when they put them in the microwave. They all think that's women's work.

I work from home, so I am spared a lot of “quirks” from co-workers. However, there is one guy that feels compelled to be the class clown on EVERY team conference call. (Oh wait, that’s me). 🤭

1) The colleague who feels the need to stop by my desk every hour to complain about every little thing in her life. She isnt looking for advice, just expects me to agree and give her narcissistic ass attention all day and flies into rages when she thinks she's being ignored. 2) The lady who thinks its ok to douse herself in perfume in an enclosed workspace. 3) The microwave: why does it always stink like fish or curry? Why does no one ever clean it? 4) The bitch who always takes supplies off my desk without asking and never returns them. 5) That one weirdo who reminds me of the red stapler guy from Office Space.

I am so relieved to be working from home most days now. It has been so much better for my mental health not to be around these people.

The employee who sees herself or himself as the office hero, the angel, the nurturer, the office mom, the office big brother, the glue that binds the big happy team together.

The others are mostly just freaks, each in their own annoying way, but the "heroes" are fucking psychopaths.

I don't have a job and i just gave a a stranger outside a r.ooming hkuse 50 bucks to go get me some drugs but I don't think they're coming back...

The way women in the office treat men vs how they treat each other. Like if a guy injures himself, falls, whatever, the attitude is either to laugh at him, or ignore it. When the same thing happens with a woman, though: "Oh, my God, are you all right? Let me help you! Are you sure you're okay? Do you think you need to go to the doctor? Why don't you lie down? Maybe you should go home..."

Or this happened to me: Went to make a copy, it was out of paper, the woman whose desk is next to the copier was like, "The paper's in my file drawer. Third drawer." Very curt. Couple of days later I'm standing near the copier when a woman trying to make copies notices it's out of paper. The same woman says to her: "Oh, no! Is that thing out of paper again? I have the paper right here. No, stay there, I'll bring it over. Do you know how to do it? Never mind, I'll put it in for you."

Who told the story about the bitchy receptionist, whenever some called for her younger, pretty colleagues she would shout "She's on the toilet!"

I had a co-worker who used tons of fabric softener on her laundry. I sat across from her and the fragrance was strong enough to stun a police dog. Many fabric softeners contain ingredients that release formaldehyde into the air.

Endlessly scraping the yogurt container for every last bit.

The office 'baker' who constantly brings in one batch after another of turd-like cookies or something and thinks she should start a blog. No, honey. Just no.

Yesterday was my first day back in the office and I realized I probably AM that annoying coworker:

1. I talk to myself and make little noises (“Where’s my pen?” and “huh” in response to something I read. All day long. Don’t know if I always did this or developed it during WFH. Making a conscious effort to stop.

2. Peeled and ate a grapefruit at my desk. It was very fragrant, and very juicy, this made eating it noisy.

3. Did not silence my phone since I have been working from it for 15 months. Pings and alerts all damn day, mostly from friends and family.

4. Brought leftover Chinese food for lunch. It was delicious but stunk up the place. Note: stick to a turkey sandwich for lunch.

5. I am pleased to say I am not the office farter. However by the time I left I had a crippling stomach ache from holding them in all day.

Overall, I am far happier working from home.

R32 did you let a huge stinker as soon as you got in your car?

The annoying coworker who always somehow knows when I’ve stepped out unto the tiny courtyard for some fresh air. His office is nowhere near mine or the courtyard, but somehow he always shows up when I’m trying to have some privacy. Doesn’t he know that’s my “fartin’ porch???”

Lmao at the fartin’ porch r34.

Farting as needed and not having to take a dump at work are among the best “perks” of working from home.

Oh God, [R7], I did that once. I walked into a packed, small breakroom. This fellow was recounting the story of Keith Richards and the blind girl in Toronto. I, knowing the story in toto, took it over. Thankfully, I hope I've learnt to keep quiet and let somebody else continue the story without my unsought and unnecessary input.

Keyboard bashers

The woman in the cubicle behind me used to rip farts throughout the day.

R38 used to? Is she dead?

^Haha.. I dont work there anymore. I got a new job working from home. I assume she is still farting. She also used to stand up throughout the day and stare at me/my computer screen over the top of the cubicle.

R11 you come off as a sociopath. Get help. It’s available.

R27 maybe she hates how you’re such an unfriendly, weird-ass?

Retired now, but I used to work in an open-plan office (yeesh, the worst...), and the nice guy whose workstation was a few feet in front of mine used to floss his teeth at his desk, right in my line of vision. I had to rejigger my workstation so my computer screen blocked my view of him. I'm all for dental health, but take that to the restroom!

R43 my coworker brushes his teeth AT his desk, no joke. I guess he spits into a trash can. He also consumes tons of hard candy and the constant saliva noises while he speaks on the phone drive me crazy. hes in his early 60s and something happens at that age, when old people eat food you can hear the smacking for some reason. Otherwise hes a nice guy, i dont have it me to tell him hard candy is the worst thing for your teeth and he could save a ton on dental work by leaving that shit alone.

There seemed to be an increasing number of coworkers who were perfectly comfortable using the breakroom sink for personal hygiene activities, most of which involve spitting. I'm hoping that the pandemic has now put an end to that for good!

"Peeled and ate a grapefruit at my desk." WTF? Who eats grapefruit? That shit is nasty.

The person who listed the office "hero" is spot on. We have one at my work...constantly planning parties for birthdays, organizing worker get togethers after work (who wants to hang out with co workers after work? Not me). Always dithering around the office looking for projects...making passive aggressive comments about the state of my workspace. I keep stuff at my desk like gum and a tiny bottle of mouth wash and I guess it gives her anxiety. Whatever lady.

And I'm not sure why you people have to fart so much. I rarely have gas and when/if I do I always have some anti gas pills on me. They work so get them.

R46 what anti-fart remedies do you recommend?

I work near a guy who likes to urinate into a bottle and then at the end of the day pour it down the toilet. I, and many others in the office, have to listen to him filling up his bottles every single fucking day, I'm dreading going back to the office. The place smells rancid.

People who use the shared copier and can't get their printing together in one cohesive unit so they're back and forth all morning or day instead of doing their printing at one set interval. Who needs to print that much anyway? All these people are over 50.

Coworkers who tell jokes that they think are very funny and laugh super loud at them in common areas -- if you're talking to one person/group of people keep your laughter contained among that group. No need for the entire floor to hear about it.

Smelly people - fish microwavers, hard boiled egg eaters, cheese bad breath people. One coworker who eats tons of hersheys kisses and leaves the tails all over the carpet. You know who you are.

R48 - wow. Isn't there some policy against pissing in the office? Can he be reported for whipping his dick out in front of others who may be walking by?

I fart at work all the time. If you’re in my workspace bc you’re ear-raping me about your mother-in-law problems, then be prepared for me to lean over & let one rip if the urge hits. I don’t believe in squelching farts & I don’t want to listen to your brainless chatter either. Two birds, one stone

I’m the office bitch who is in a 24 hr a day bad mood.

Fucking love grapefruit. The guy in the neighboring cubicle has some kind of special-ass keyboard, which is also very noisy - but what drives me insane is the way he slams down on the spacebar. Thousands and thousands of times a day. Noise cancelling headphones are an absolute requirement.

What is the story about Keith Richard and a blind woman in Toronto?

[quote] 1. Blinky, short Asian guy, nice, except he repeatedly blows his nose like a trumpet. 2. Wompa, squat lesbian who shuffles her feet like a penguin. 3. Burster, who blasts out a laugh, and 'that is so funny!' demanding someone's attention to his noticing a week-old viral animal video. 4. Rambletta, reception gal, who doesn't get that 'How was your weekend?'s answer needn't be a complete roundup of everything that went wrong in her life the past few days. 5. Waddles, the stout elder freelancer who pops in for unwanted visits once a week and thinks we're friends. I've asked a guy in the next office to call em during his visits, so I can cut him off and scoot him out.

6. Me, R11. The Unibomber.

Leaving their dirty coffee cups in the shared sink "to soak." These two people did it all the time. One was an old hippie, earth mother type. One day both of their cups were in the sink. I threw both cups in the trash. Immature, passive aggression? Oh yeah! I don't give a fuck.

I work for a national law firm and there are three people who I have to deal with on the phone who BREATHE into the receiver.

And they’re not thinkers, so there’s always silence on the phone while they’re figuring out an answer to my question, and all I hear is breathing breathing breathing breathing breathing breathing breathing breathing breathing breathing breathing breathing breathing breathing.

[R54] IIRC Keith Richards was allowed to play a benefit concert for the blind as part of his plea on serious drug charges and the blind woman was some super fan had a hand in arranging it.

being a bitter condescending cunt

Ugh so many of these resonate with me. I am still working at home and am starting a new job soon so will have a whole new set of foibles to get used to but in the meantime I will not miss the annoying cunts I had to share a space with including:

Two fraus whose loud inane chatter included doing “funny voices”, they’d also bring in heinous baked goods and expect praise from all.

One psycho bitch who was supposed to be our assistant but was constantly off with made up illnesses and needed to “finish early” three days a week at least.

The lunch al desko cunts who’d masticate loudly including bags of crisps (potato chips) with finger licking action🤢

Two words:

Reply all.

[quote] Leaving their dirty coffee cups in the shared sink "to soak."

The shared, common areas, I hated. Kitchen, refrigerator, lunch room, bathroom. I guess I could go back to it if I had to or with a very small group of people. But I would prefer not to.

Potlucks....I don't know how clean these people's kitchens are and there are a few I could imagine putting gross things in their potluck go to.

People who bring in cakes, donuts, candy, baked goods, etc. Usually they are the fat ones and want to keep or get the rest of us fat or the skinny people who don't eat what they bring in.

Cute younger bookish guy in accounting with great thighs and ass who keeps distracting me by wearing snug jeans.

Fat frau cunts who bitch and moan about everything regarding their jobs yet don't look for a new one.

I once worked with a woman who ate raw garlic for health reasons she said. One day her breath was so bad it made my eyes water. Coworkers complained behind her back but were afraid to say something to her. I told her to do everyone a favor and take garlic pills. She said she felt insulted and I replied not as insulted as the rest of us from her stench. I didn't care, I was fed up. She never spoke to me again, TG.

Edith Bunker-type woman who starts off telling you something work related and then wanders off the path for 30 minutes. No one cares about your anything!

The young women on the sales team who happily chatter away about people they watch on "reality" TV.

Nosy co-worker that sits outside my office and watches every move I make. She is a favorite of the boss and has reported to him that I'm away from my desk for such a long time, this was reported to me by another co-worker. She is frustrated, being in her mid-30's and no boyfriend, upset when male workers talk to the female behind her desk. I'm waiting for my boss to say something to me as I am not one of his favorites.

The only good thing about he pandemic is it broke up the quartet of social justice warriors at our company who filed a complaint with HR because they felt fluorescent lights were “oppressive” to their ethnicity. Really.