Got a text message last week from a guy who I was really, really into. He told me that he's getting engaged to a girl who he had been on-again, off-again. He said he wanted me to be the first to know. I congratulated him - what else could I say or do? I had a feeling that would happen but it's still somewhat shocking. Feel awful now. I just want to hit delete and erase him from memory. Do any of you DLers have any advice or thoughts? Thanks in advance.
Dumped
by Anonymous | reply 34 | December 12, 2019 10:10 AM |
You were dating a man who was also dating a woman so seriously that they have become engaged to be married. Advice? Do a happy dance that you got out of this so easily. Kiss the ground in thanks that you are not the woman betrothed this asshole.
by Anonymous | reply 1 | December 9, 2019 11:53 AM |
I think you need to get your message to him loud and clear, because it sounds like he isn’t taking you seriously.
by Anonymous | reply 2 | December 9, 2019 11:55 AM |
You are very vague as to your attraction. Was it one-way? Were you intimate, or were you a quasi-stalker? Was he being polite or was he being an asshole?
by Anonymous | reply 3 | December 9, 2019 12:00 PM |
R3, it was emotional and intimate. Never "exposed" myself to anyone before as I did to him. Feel totally foolish now, even though deep down I knew this would happen. Funny how we believe what we want to believe in certain situations - and this can be opposite of reality.
by Anonymous | reply 4 | December 9, 2019 12:06 PM |
Never has "punch and delete" been more justified.
by Anonymous | reply 5 | December 9, 2019 12:09 PM |
How many times has this scenario played out with Dataloungers? How many more times will we see threads like this?
by Anonymous | reply 6 | December 9, 2019 12:24 PM |
Elio, is that you?
by Anonymous | reply 7 | December 9, 2019 12:32 PM |
If you figure out how to erase someone from your memory, though, please share your secret. I can’t be the only other one who would love to be able to do this.
by Anonymous | reply 8 | December 9, 2019 12:32 PM |
Were you aware that he was seriously involved with the woman, OP?
by Anonymous | reply 9 | December 9, 2019 12:35 PM |
How well-hung, r4? Cut or uncut?
by Anonymous | reply 11 | December 9, 2019 12:40 PM |
[quote] Never has "punch and delete" been more justified.
If you’re referring to OP, I concur.
by Anonymous | reply 13 | December 9, 2019 12:43 PM |
Hold on, Missy. I was dumped on a Post-It. I win.
by Anonymous | reply 14 | December 9, 2019 12:44 PM |
Here is OP about three days from now, standing outside the lucky lady's big picture window at her house....
by Anonymous | reply 15 | December 9, 2019 4:01 PM |
Eh, just keep on fucking him, or if he wants to try monogamy for a while, give him some space for a while. He's going to be bored with his wife in not time, and then he will be grateful to have you as a side piece.
by Anonymous | reply 16 | December 9, 2019 4:14 PM |
OP, I hope that your heart becomes mended in the next few days. But my question is did you already know beforehand that you were dating him while he dated someone else, regardless of the gender? If you did know, you had to have known this day would soon come and you would either have to tell him to choose between you or him/her OR you would have to do what you did, which was congratulate him and unfortunately, move on as simply friends. Possibly friends with benefits, but not sure how much he's into this girl and/or you.
by Anonymous | reply 17 | December 9, 2019 4:17 PM |
Interesting that with all the warnings on DL against dating Bi men, you heeded none of them.
by Anonymous | reply 18 | December 9, 2019 4:19 PM |
OP: There are many things wrong with this picture such as your “boyfriend” dating you and dating a woman who he’s going to marry?! Aside from all that:
You don’t break up with someone via text!! I don’t care how much the world has changed, how casual we’ve become or how many communication outlets we have::
You don’t break up with someone via text! You have the balls talk in person!
by Anonymous | reply 19 | December 9, 2019 4:34 PM |
Wait, you feel awful and came to DL for advice or thoughts?
I guess the guy wasn't really into your masochism fetish.
by Anonymous | reply 20 | December 9, 2019 4:40 PM |
Op, he probably found a new bestie to take advantage of. I'm so sorry you've gone through this. Allow yourself some time to mourn the loss of the friendship and move on. Given what you've described, the relationship isn't worth salvaging.
by Anonymous | reply 21 | December 9, 2019 4:43 PM |
R19 said it perfectly. A person of integrity just doesn't do something so callous.
Way back in the Dark Ages my boyfriend of five years dumped me over the phone--my WORK phone. The second most devastating experience if my life.
Years later it was my turn. I discovered my current bf was N-U-T-S. Like stand over you while you're asleep, glowering at you for hours nuts.
I refused to do what my old bf had done, so I called Crazy Chris to meet me at a restaurant, told him I was breaking up with him, and gave him back every thing he'd ever given me. Then I wished him good luck. Crazy Chris had a meltdown, but oh well. Done and done. In person.
by Anonymous | reply 22 | December 9, 2019 4:47 PM |
Understand your feelings, but move on. Keeping a relationship with him will result in you being hurt again, and then hurt again.
Better that you did receive a message of his intentions. There are guys that will never explain and just ignore you and shut you out, leaving you confused and devastated emotionally.
Let go of it. Now.
by Anonymous | reply 23 | December 9, 2019 4:47 PM |
This is the perfect example for me as to why I will not entertain or date any bi guy because if he left me for another man, I'd be brokenhearted, but I'd easily get over it. However, if he left me for a woman, that would bring my whole world into darkness because it would hurt so much more knowing that she's got something that I don't clearly have that he wants. And if he wanted to make a thing where he was with the both of us, I would instantaneously decline because I'm not going to fight for your affection, for your love. Men like that simply want their cake and to eat it as well and are manipulative as well as vain. Throw him in the wind as I would do.
Yes, it will hurt, but remember this: "Now, I am strong enough...NOW I am strong enough to accept change. Yes, my darling, if you want to live in another place, I can understand it. It's gonna hurt for a little while, but I can understand it. But before you walk out that door, touch me in the morning, then just walk away." - Marlena Shaw, "Touch Me in the Morning," Take a Bite (1979).
by Anonymous | reply 24 | December 9, 2019 4:48 PM |
R22 is a pluperfect example of a Data Lounger missing the point entirely.
[quote] A person of integrity just doesn't do something so callous.
Breaking up via text is nothing compared to a guy fucking a gay side piece while preparing to propose marriage to a woman with whom he is a serious relationship. In light of that behavior, OP is lucky he wasn't just ghosted. At least the guy in the middle took the trouble to communicate.
Of course, I'm pretty sure he has communicated NOTHING about any of this to his new fiancee.
by Anonymous | reply 25 | December 9, 2019 5:01 PM |
Tell him you are in the last stages of AIDS that will be good for him.
by Anonymous | reply 26 | December 9, 2019 6:59 PM |
[bold] The One Where Someone Posts A Scene From Call Me By Your Name And DLers Don't Realize That And Offer Advice As If The Scenario Was Real [/bold]
by Anonymous | reply 27 | December 9, 2019 7:01 PM |
Thanks everyone for the advice and views. R17, I had some suspicions - at first I suspected that it was another guy, then a woman, then a guy. This fiancee woman I had never even heard about. I really don't even know where she popped up from. Which made the announcement all the more confusing. In any case, I'm actually not angry at this point with the guy, he made a choice which is his right. But the thought of this person being with him, doing stuff with him, being in his bed and having sex with him drives me nuts.
by Anonymous | reply 28 | December 10, 2019 8:51 AM |
R28, OP, thanks for clarifying for me at R17. I'm so sorry that you're going through it. I know it's rough because like I said in R24, it would KILL me inside slowly to know he left me for a woman...but at least you're taking our advice and views into consideration. I'd go so far to remind of you of the quote of the song I referenced in R24 as well because if you are strong enough and can indeed understand it will hurt for a little while, you've got it. All you need is that one last moment with him...
by Anonymous | reply 29 | December 10, 2019 9:39 PM |
[quote]The One Where Someone Posts A Scene From Call Me By Your Name And DLers Don't Realize That And Offer Advice As If The Scenario Was Real
LOL - really?
Well, I guess that goes to show how many people actually saw or talked about that movie, contrary to the stans on DL and their crazed threads.
by Anonymous | reply 30 | December 12, 2019 3:33 AM |
[quote]The One Where Someone Posts A Scene From Call Me By Your Name And DLers Don't Realize That And Offer Advice As If The Scenario Was Real
OP thought he was being so clever by having the guy text instead of call...
by Anonymous | reply 31 | December 12, 2019 6:00 AM |
Never trust bisexuals. They are duplicitous.
by Anonymous | reply 32 | December 12, 2019 9:39 AM |
Kill yourself, OP. Find a vat of acid and dive in cunt first.
by Anonymous | reply 33 | December 12, 2019 10:02 AM |
He must be a Republican.
by Anonymous | reply 34 | December 12, 2019 10:10 AM |