Hey guys, it's me- Joy

I love this already!!! I hope this turns into some sort of "Let's be Frau in Wintertime" !!! Gogogo

Perhaps baking some treats for the annual Cookie Crawl will lift your spirits?

Hopefully your baking attempt for the annual Cookie Crawl will explode into a gigantic grease fire.

I'd like to hear more about Brad's "business" trip.

Hey Joy! It's me, Karyn!

Mug of cocoa, please. Girlfriend, you had me at Merlot! Snort.

So the hub is away, but where are the offspring? Muzzled and locked away in the dungeon until school tomorrow? Snort. That's me, projecting!

Sigh. No rest for us gals who run with the wolves, huh?

Karyn, you seem like the kind of mom who feeds her kids a Red Baron pizza and really thinks you "did something."

Hey girlfriend! It’s Deb! Speaking of cocoa, I’ve got new mugs on my Etsy site that I know you’ll just love that would be great for either yourself or make great Christmas gifts for others. My favorites are the ones that say “Mama Needs Coffee” and “Moms Do It All”. Only the most original quotes for my Etsy store! Check them out - I just KNOW you’ll love them, girlfriend!!!

My lesser half brought me this back from his last trip to London--ha!

Yes, let's hear more about the ....business trip. What is Brad REALLY up to? MM Hmmmm....

That dog sounds like it could kill you, ten leopards, five polar bears, and a dozen black mamba snakes all at once.

Your dog is a rescue of course, correct Joy? Well is it?

Don't let her "breeder shame" you, Joy!

I applaud rescues. I even donated to the no-kill shelter. But it's another thing to bring some unknown quantity into your own home, especially if you've got the means to do better. It's like private schools--a matter of personal choice.

I calls 'em as I sees 'em.

Yes, please tell us more about Brad. Does he have some new friends he met at the gym recently?

Snow day bump.

Joy, girl. What you up to?

I was going to bake holiday cookies today. The big cookie swap is on Saturday and it always makes me feel kinda inadequate. But my joints were so achey and I spent the whole afternoon catching up on Facebook. I can't believe how rich some of my high school friends are. Like, Thanksgiving in St. Barts rich.

I have throw something together for Brad and the kids for dinner. But after that, I'm feeling Hallmark Holiday movies!

Who's with me? Hee.

Hi Joy! Kill yourself. x

That's just mean, R16.

When I was born, my Mommy christened me "Joy" because she knew it was my job to spread joy throughout the world, even to people who don't deserve joy.

So there.

Your “mommy” couldn’t spell a word longer than three letters, hun - that’s why you’re called Joy. x

No, she called her Joy because Joy is great at removing tough greasy stains, like the one on Joy's mom's soul after the affair with the pool boy.

Rhoda thinks she's hot shit but she's just cold diarrhea! Don't let the meanies get you down, sis! WERK, MAWMA!

I’m sorry gals but I just don’t have enough spoons today to participate! It took ALL my energy just to open that bottle of wine and watch my stories

Yeah I had Thanksgiving on St. Bart's. What of it? And I'm not your friend, Joy. Your husband drunkenly macked on my then-boyfriend at the Lincoln Center gala last June and to save the situation you decided that all four of us were besties from that day forward. Commence you climbing all over my social media. I had to block cute cat pictures on 20 platforms. Now fuck off.

Hi Ladies, it’s me Veronica, but soon Vern. I hope to be cradling my new dick soon. 💜

Joy, honey, we need to talk about what I saw Brad doing while I was getting some "me" time in Manhattan. I just *had* to get away from Tom and the kids or else, well, you know. Anyway, I will bring the merlot and Xanax.

Hi Joy,

We are all sitting by the outdoor fire pit chatting about what to put into out annual holiday newsletter. I just know Aunt Dodie get a big kick out of the twins drunken antics. Billy was arrested for his 3 DWI just this week and his sister Marlene-Jo is knocked up with her second kid. Lord know who the father is ...guess we can always sort that out on Maury.

Billy Sr had been cheating again. I only found out because I discover crabs in my ever greying pubes. He denied it but I know he's been getting it on with that trash in the trailer next to us. The park wants to throw us out because Toodles, the Scnoodle has been crapping all over the park and Ginny is just too damned lazy to pick it up. Thankfully he hasn't destroyed any of the many Trump 2020 signs that dot the lots.

Well I'm off to the Moose Lodge as it's ladies night and Capt n Coke is only $2.00. Blue plate special for dinner. So, Lets MAGA in 2020 Love you,

Britteny

Later ,

R5’s post was so accurate I wanted to viciously slap Karyn with a Y.

R22, elites don’t name their kids Amber. It’s a direct path to the pole.

Hi, Joy! Blessings from Chula Vista, California.

It's warm today so I'm having wine instead of cocoa ;-) ... I figure it's wine o'clock SOMEWHERE!

Funny coinky-dinky: my husband Tyler just got back from a business trip to New York himself! Sometimes you wonder what they get up to on those trips ... but it gave me a chance to catch up on "This Is Us."

Anyhoo, Tyler went into San Diego for the day but when he gets back we're going to sit on the patio and listen to Jimmy Buffett's Christmas album.

Hope your Christmas is going well! Muchas smooches!

R25’s tone is wrong - the mug cradle crowd are risible, but not trashy.

R24 Karin if you rat me out I will no longer be your supportive fuck buddy. Bring the poppers and condom bitch.

[R26] I agree with you, but there was a back story to her name in the Elite Thanksgiving thread. I just like her nasty tone. And the fact that she's richer than Joy and doesn't mind letting her know it.

OMG. I just found this on Etsy and totes thought of you. I mean, too cute, right?

BTW, Mom hasn't been feeling well (and she's being kind of a bee-yotch about it). Will you please call her this weekend, when you're not cookie swapping.

Thnx.

PS: Everything okay with Brad? I heard a story I'll share when I see you.

Hi all, it's me, Charlie. I'm mixing up brownie mix for the cookie swap and putting in whole Andes Candies! Plus I think about a half a bottle of rum. I wonder where the other half went? Hee!

Hubster just ass-texted me a pic of Brad! Joy, I though they were in the city this week? It looks like the beach somewhere. And Brad has his shirt off.

woops, wrong thread...

Hey Girlfriend! Wishing you 'Joy' lol and a very merry Christmas- K

Hey Joy! Kaya and I are meeting for lunch after haunting the LuLu Lemon sale. Pop in a Tramadol, put a drop of CBD oil in your cocoa, put on your yoga pants, pull it back in a pony and join us for chickpea pasta at the Cheesecake Factory. Also we need to nail down Grayson and Zaydon’s play dates. You don’t want to miss our critic of Nigella’s new cookbook photos, tits with pasta, tits with a pud, tits with a roast, lmao. See you at noon.

I keep thinking the word 'pamper' needs to be used. And (ugh!) 'mani-pedi'. BARF.

Joy, I know it's a little late but do you mind if I come over to borrow a cup or two of Brad's "bottom shelf" brandy? The E&J he uses when makes those Brandy Balls for the guys he plays golf with?

Mine seems to have run out somehow and I have got to get these game hens marinaded as close to 24 hours as possible and Jim's parents are expecting dinner tomorrow at seven sharp. And you know how Mootsy is.

Thanks, hon. I'll bring you a Slim and we can have a quick smoke if you'd like. The least I can do. Since Brad is in the city the smell will be long gone and it will be our little secret.

Do you think Bela would like me to bring Baby by? I won't stay long. I promise. I know your fibro has been terrible.

Back door in 5 minutes, honey. I'll have my flashlight. I see you forgot to put the floodlights on.

Well, I'm all in for today! I thought my fibro was getting better last night, but then as soon as the alarm went off today Scott rolled on top of me for his morning pump and dump and now I'm back to square one. EVERYTHING hurts. My neck, my back, my legs, my shoulders and now thanks to Scott and his "activities" this morning so does my hidey-hole. I called in sick to work because I just can't go in today. We have twelve projects deadlined for Friday but I know the team can handle it without me. Thank god for Linda in HR, she really knows how to hire the best people. She really needs to gift them with a fruit basket or something when she comes back from vacation in January.

Anyhoo, like I said I'm an "invalid" for today LOL! I'm going to have some of my mint tea and catch up on my Dateline. Oh, when you get a minute can you send me the recipe for those raspberry mocha dream bars? I want to bring those to book club this Saturday. I know they'll be a hit with you and Karen, Karyn and Karin.

Ciao for now!

Hey Joy! It's me, Karyn!

Girl, you haven't set foot in Thursday night spin class since Columbus Day week. And those she-wolves are starting to talk. C'mon, don't you miss Derrick and his compression shorts?

The key is not to prioritize what's on your schedule, babe. It's to schedule your priorities. I just calls 'em as I sees 'em.

Still your sister-wolf, Mamma Bear.

This is more like “Lady Windermere’s Yawn.”

Hi Joy, It's Marlene, HR Director. You exceeded your time out allotment in March. I know Linda has been covering for you and has been terminated. See me Monday in my office at 9:00 a.m. sharp. I need to go over your performance improvement plan with you and your supervisor. Lateness will not be tolerated.

Hello, Joy. You really never answered the question about your "dog", and hopefully that it will not cause issues at the community "Christmas Doggy Revue" at the golf club main room this Saturday afternoon. If you DO bring it, please make sure it's shots are current as we will be asking for papers at the door. I hate to be the "cop" on this, but someone has to do it, and the Activities Council did make me in charge of checking credentials.

Will that handsome husband of yours be coming also? Brad promised some of us girls at the last party at the club that he would teach us some very helpful golf swings for our big group trip out to Rancho Mirage. None of the men are going. Babs is putting us all up in that huge second home of hers on the course. Can you imagine us all in that house! What a hoot! So we need Brad's help. I know you get a lot of that, Brad being the ex-NFL hunk he is. That's the price you have to pay for being married to him.

Joy, I heard about the HR director wanting to meet with you. Get your FMLA and ADA paperwork in order and threaten to sue that fat, jealous cunt. I am *so* tired of people not taking us fibro as a legitimate health issue and that We. Are. Survivors! We are all behind you girl!

Karin. See me at 10:00. We need to review your FMLA paperwork. Your Zumba teacher is not a recognized medical authority. Also, you are aware of company policy regarding name calling, bullying and harassment. I will also have your improvement plan paperwork for you to review and sign.

So then I was like: "I beg your pardon? I am having my moniker criticized by a grown woman named after an eggplant?" And she was like "It's the color!" and I was like "Whatever, Aubergine. Seems like if I'm dancing 'round a pole you're growing up the fucker." And she was like - oh wait, it's my cell - who is this - fuck, it's that Joy twat. Did I ever tell you about this dopey cunt? She's been pestering me ever since she learned that Daddy owns the controlling stock in that stupid edible packaging start-up she works for. Probably calling because she's had too much fiber again. Yeah, she has this thing with fiber. Anyway, back to Eggplant-Emma...

Time to hunker down for winter and nest! But first a languorous walk in the woods to earn that hot chocolate!

Hey guys, it's me--Joy.

Just saw this in a cute gift shoppe and it's so true! Luckily, the little humans are with their grandma this evening.

Brad and I had a Netflix "date night" scheduled but he was unaccountably called into the office this afternoon. Dang! Well, it's after 5, so this busy Mom is getting her Chardonnay on. Cheers!

Any Netflix recos? Looking to laugh a bit.

Try a vibrator, Joy.

Try driving your gigantic SUV off a cliff, Joy.

Hey guys, it's me--still spreadin' the Joy! Hee.

Some of you sound like you're really overdue for a serious hug. Or three.

It must be hard being alone and unloved at this time of year. Maybe you should open yourself up more to the angels of abundance.

Maybe you should lose some weight, Joy.

Dear Joy,

Have you selected a festive holiday sweater yet? One to wear for that "final girls night out before things start to get really hectic", once Brad and the kids are off for Christmas vacation. Although this time of year, who needs a special occasion (I recall you saying)? Who would have thought we would be talking about those sweaters we used to wear in parody at holiday parties together before you got married. Remember you have that one that said, "Fuck Christmas", with a reindeer sticking an antler up Santa's ass and we all had a good laugh? That was when we were in our late teens through early 30's, when you used to fuck d-list celebrities, had that (those?) abortion, and instigated a bi 4-way in the pool behind the condo your parents bought for you. Ah, memories! I know, I know, Brad shares this account with you, so I'll stop right there. Anyhow, I understand these days you don't have time to chat. Now that you are a born again Christian, pro-lifer (that pro life Facebook stamp on your family photo was a nice touch), and decided to move to the mid-west, we don't have quite as much in common these days. Anyhoo, as you say these days, have a wonderful Christmas, Jade...I mean Joy.

Hi Joy. Did you ever get that slutty 'tramp stamp' removed? You know, the one that says "cum dump" with an arrow pointing to your asshole.

r53, you have the wrong Joy. Our slutty Joy's tramp-stamp says "Cum Slutt".

JOY -- It looks like you have been spreading something other than Christmas cheer! You told me you were a virgin. You have a lot of explaining to do! We need to talk when I get back. And I don't want to hear another word about this last minute conference Chad needs me to attend.

Joy what time does JUDGE JUDY come on in your area?

I am triggered because these impeacher talkers keep re-empting it here.

Guess what I found in my linen closet? Yes, my blue snuggler, but I think I'll get one of those new Snuggie Tails....they are so cute!

Hi Joy, not sure you remember me, this is Emma, Karrynne’s friend, we met at her Pampered Chef party in the spring? I’m the one who had one too many glasses of Karrynne’s sangria (reminds me I need to get the recipe!) Anyhoo, she told me you were coming to her Christmas holiday girls-only night out (at Friday’s, WOOT!) and I wanted to know if I could pick your brain about your son Bradyn’s school. My son Oliver-Henry is about the same age, and we’re struggling to find a school that’s a good fit for him. The school he’s in now allows for the child to design their own curriculum and work at their own pace, expressing themselves whichever way feels right to them. We find this environment a little too restrictive for him and need an alternative. It goes without saying it needs to be a peanut-free campus, but I’m sure you share my concerns about that nasty legume. Grrr, modern parenting!!! Right?

I’ll see you then! I have the cutest collection of memes and recipe videos, do you mind if I friend you on Facebook?

Jesus, these women sound terrifying.

I am so fascinated by the fact that about 25% of all threads seem to be one eldergay’s creative writing outlet. It used to annoy me. The writing is good though. He should be doing something more constructive and lasting with all that creative energy

New mug and sweater for Christmas!

Oh honey R60 - didn’t they have your size? Those sleeves need to be long enough to cover your hands by a good 5-6 inches

r59 how do you know he isn't?

#59 = **FRAU ALERT**

Just speaking my truth here so don’t take this personally, ladies...

I really wish every one of you had a DH like my DH. My DH would slap an ordinary mug right out of my hands if I ever cradled one in front of him. “Only the best for my Steffi,” he says.

That’s why I’m only allowed to cradle an Original Handwarmer™.

Also available in “Blessed,” “Thankful,” and “Grateful.”

I wish I had a son so I could name him Oliver-Henry

I’m so blessed with this new Snuggie I just had amazoned

Girls, I wish I could join you but I'm going to curl up on the sofa, cradling a mug of hot cocoa with marshmallows and watch the "Good Witch" Christmas special!