Let's be New Zealand!

I'm hobbiteses!

I'm sheep.

[quote] feetses

Feet!

I'm a bloke arrested for sheep worrying.

I'm the exotic and euphonius accent--and bigger dick!

I’m cows. We’re replacing sheep because China wants milk.

I'm earthquakes!

I'm the concession that an Australian woman might sound like Marilyn Monroe if you maybe squint your ears.

I’m the Maori. We insist that we’re indigenous even though we just got there at most a few hundred years before whitey as opposed to the Australian Aboriginals who got there 70,000 years ago.

我们是中国人。 奥克兰充满了我们。

I'm the fact that if you got there first you got there first and it doesn't matter if it was two minutes before whitey.

I’m invasive mammals. We killed all the kiwis. (The birds, not the fruit.)

I am Wellington. I am the most architecturally bankrupt capital in the world. There is not a single building or street in me that is not full of cardboard box-looking flimsy trash. I am what the edge of Houston wants to be when it grows...bigger.

So, the Spanish are “indigenous” to Florida and California?

I’m whitebait. I look and smell like donkey snot, but people are willing to pay $10 for a mess of me on a slice of plain white bread.

I’m hokey pokey ice cream. Yum.

I'm [R14]!

I'm a cunt.

I’m r17, flabbergasted by logic.

I’m a glacier in the South Island. Come see me before I melt!

I’m a sandfly, and I hate you.

I.m the tattooed Samoan immigrants.

I'm [R14} again! I'm an antipodean racist who knows fuck all about American history and doesn't think Spanish people are white!

I'm high snowy mountains.

I am soul-crushing mediocrity, hear me sigh.

I'm Napier's Art Deco festival! We celebrate the Charleston, Art Deco, Frank Lloyd Wright, cocktails, flappers, Hollywood glamour and classic American cars!

It's so nice to have local culture, unlike the US. Ugh, a wasteland.

I’m the country Michener said was the most beautiful on earth.

I'm black mold and no insulation.

"Standard NZ housing" to my friends.

R26, you’re Hawaii?

I'm politeness.

I am held on to in the face of Aussie tourists whose faces I'd like to kick down their fucking throats.

Im the voice of your visa telling you times up and go home

I’m Captain Roddy (formerly Proudbator), chronic masturbator and exhibitionist New Zealander of Brazilian descent. I now claim I’m in the UK and thus rarely speak in my new videos in order to hide my NZed accent. I also hide my face behind a scarf so people can’t accuse me of definitely being Proudbator even though (wink wink) everyone knows it is. Don’t want lawyers to prove it though. I’m also an “independent artist” not a porn personality.

So, indigenous means non-white and I’m the racist? Got it.

Cunt, yes.

Unless you have some fucking weird explanation for pretending the Spanish were not:

1. invaders 2. white

The Polynesians were also invaders. The fact that they aren’t European doesn’t make them indigenous.

I am Janet Frame's rarely used Vagina.

[R34] please do tell us about the natives displaced by the Polynesian invaders.

I'm an ashamed American, wondering the need for this thread.

Everybody’s invaders, R33. Unless you want to unravel all of man’s history back to our African origin.

I’m the dead prepubescent Māori boys in Peter Thiel’s freezer.

I'm fesh and chups!

I'm the refusal to allow the American navy to cock nuclear submarines!

"dock" and not "cock" although I'm liking my typo...

I'm nude haka.

That doesn’t even make any sense, R37.

I’m the legal blocks now in place to keep China from buying up my entire fucking country!! Thank goodness and about time.

I’m the preposition “as.” Many Kiwis find it perfectly acceptable to end short exclamations with me.

I'm Footrot Flats. I was unfunny as a comic, and worse as a film (except for the Dave Dobbyn songs)

r36 We are called Moriori, we were peaceful, and our last full-blooded descendant died in 1931

I'm the long list of business owners who are ripping off our workers. Our names are generally Chinese or Indian. New Zealand will give us a warning and we will be on our merry way to keep ripping people off.

I'm the 14 year old girls who just murdered a 90 women in her own home. We will probably be sentenced to counselling - everyone needs to be given a chance.

I'm the two main parties' inability to plan for the future. We both realise that stopping the wave of immigrants flooding the country will collapse the economy, so we will just let 'em in - meanwhile schools, hospitals and roads are bursting at the seams. Let's bring their parents over too - the hospitals, care-givers, and tax payers want nothing more than a whole lot more elderly to look after.

I'm the 10,000 kiwis currently being housed in hotels paid for by the tax payer. The Labour Party secretly hoped we would all go to Australia - until that bastard Scott Morrison ruined that.

I'm Jacinda Ardern, darling of the foreign press, yet unable to fulfil one campaign promise. But it's only been a couple of years...aren't I adorable?

r45 I'm one of thousands of family members used to circumnavigate the ban.

r49 replace New Zealand with "Canada" and Ardern with "Trudeau", and your post works just as well. Including the 10,000 part, only in our case there are a lot more of them, and we're just sort of hoping they go back to the US, or something, but they won't, because Trump. It's a bit eerie how similar NZ and Canada's situations are.

On topic:

I'm Taika Waititi, a great NZ director who should stay away from superhero flicks and stick to comedy.

[quote]I'm Taika Waititi, a great NZ director who should stay away from superhero flicks and stick to comedy.

Oh, hello! I'm Peter Jackson. Would someone please hire me an editor?

I'm the racist at r49. If I were American, I'd be a Trumpster

I'm Peter Thiel. I became a New Zealand citizen, for reasons unknown.

r49 Nothing to with racism. Every month the list of business owners are printed and published. The flood of immigrants I'm talking about are white South Africans and British. You are allowed to say "Hey - I think we need to slow immigration down to let infrastructure catch up" without being a fucking racist you dolt.

Also, I'm a long term Green Party voter - so unless you live in/have lived in/know anything about NZ and its unsustainable rates of immigration (highest in the OCED by a long shot) shut your fucking mouth.

I'm the Wildfoods Festival in Hokitika. Huhu grubs, chamois washed down with lots of Monteith's Velvet Stout.

I'm the baskets of body parts Maoris carried back for their victory barbie after vanquishing neighboring enemies.

R10, Translation: We are Chinese. Aukland is full of them.

R16, Explanation of hokey pokey ice cream.

R39, Please explain your comment re Peter Thiel, dead prepubescent Maori boys, and the former's freezer. WTF? Is Thiel into cryogenics? Or is he a child predator of the worst kind into "experimentation?"

Choice thread, bro

I'm Taika's tasteful tattoos.

[quote] I'm the 10,000 kiwis currently being housed in hotels paid for by the tax payer. The Labour Party secretly hoped we would all go to Australia - until that bastard Scott Morrison ruined that.

The only good thing the odious Scott Morrison has done in his fucking life.

My town is crawling with otherwise unemployed Russian, Malaysian and Iraqi Uber drivers who came to Australian via New Zealand. They do zero for the economy. They put little tax because they don’t earn much. They aren’t even political refugees, whom I would sympathise with, but moved here for lifestyle, can’t get jobs in IT or science and are now clogging up the system and drinking the water of our drought-depleted dams.

Fuck off back to NZ.

I'm the 20% of New Zealand who moved to Oz for the better weather and generous benefits.

I'm the 20% of New Zealand who moved to Oz for the better weather and generous benefits.

In case you wanna know I'm Jake. Jake The Muss.

R62, what are you contributing? Not much, I'm guessing

Hi, I'm New Zealand. I guess you can say I feel blessed. Everyone outside of Australia, views me as the classy, sophisticated sister to Australia, when in reality, there are no good jobs in my country and in Australia, we are considered rednecks. I'm beautiful, possibly the most beautiful place on earth. And I have great coffee. But a lot of what makes me so great is due to being a very small country with a unicameral government. Kind of like a lot of what makes Canada seem so progressive is the fact that it has only a handful of provinces with their rightwing areas being a much smaller proportion of their population than the American rightwing states. Oh well, deception is fun :-).

Kiwi men always wear shorts and have the most beautiful big thighs because of all those hills.

I'm the gap in Jemaine Clement's teeth, referenced by Disney animators.

Peter Thiel is hoping the fallout will stay in the Northern hemisphere.

I have the 3’ long freshwater crayfish, the largest in the world!

Can’t NZers go back to their motherland and bludge off the dole there?

[quote] Can’t NZers go back to their motherland and bludge off the dole there?

French Polynesia?

r72 you get more bang for yer buck in Oz. Plus the weather is better, there isn't such a huge housing shortage and things are cheaper. Right now, in my nondescript, nothing special town in the middle of nowhere the average house price is $NZ650,000. On an average $NZ60,000 a year wage in one of the most expensive countries in the world, it's become a joke.

We were paying the US equivalent of $10 for a gallon of petrol not that long ago.

Sorry R5, but the NZ accent is neither exotic, nor euphonius.

It's very piercing and sharp, like a knife stabbing at your ear.

Same goes for the Australian accent.

Both are horrible!

I’m White Island. Fuck you.

I’m the rather unusual sounding vowels of PM Jacintha Adern:

You may be White Island r76 but Im the White Island Volcano who proudly can say I killed at least six people