The Best Lines In Television History

[quote]“When you look at someone through rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”

Eek, that's a good one. And hits home as well. 😞

Two from Rhoda in Mary Tyler Moore:

I'd like to introduce my date, Mr. and Mrs. Armand Linton.

I can assure you that Mrs. Richards' teeth were every bit as lovely before she ever met Stefano.

Sgt. Joe Friday: “Just the facts, ma’am.”

....

“Jane, you ignorant slut.”

Dan Aykroyd to Jane Curtain

"Jinkies!"

“And that’s the way it is.”

Oh the things that you see when you don't have your gun.

Lucy, You Got Some ‘Splainin’ To Do

Fuck you, you car wash cunt! I had a dental appointment!

"We were on a break!"

From WKRP:

I have sufficient

I wanted a toaster!

Quite big tits.

Oh no, Ethel, look what happened to YOUR washing machine!

R9 It is "Oh the things that you see when you haven't got your gun."

"D'oh!"

”One of these days Alice. POW! Straight to the Moon!"

“Kiss my grits.”

“Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!” ... and “Sure Jan” according to DL

“Let’s hug it out, bitch.”

"Hi, my name's Larry, and this is my brother Darryl, and my other brother Darryl.“

....

What every MARY! wants to hear:

You got Spunk!

Bojack is the best show on TV-- good call OP

"What did you say N****?"

Later in the episode: The room of the kitchen was MY room"

"In what, Blanche -- dog years?"

Which one of you bitches is my mother.?"

Because I want love, I’d rather die hoping that happens than make some arrangement.

Shirley...

Shirley: I don't vo-de- oh-doh.

Fraiser Crane :When Niles and I were children we used to write our own mystery stories, sort of like The Hardy Boys or Nancy Drew. Roz: What did you call them? The Nancy Boys ?

“From the desert to the sea, to all of Southern California, a good evening." - Jerry Dunphy

Get out of here and move forward. This never happened. It will shock you how much it never happened.

"Disco Fred's had a vasectomy."

Accomodations must be made for me pussy!

Condoms, Rose! Condoms! Condoms! Condoms!

Lesbian?

Lesbian?

*gasps*

Leyssssbian!

I've never known any personally but isn't Danny Thomas one?

Elaine, to George and Jerry: "I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."

Oh, good - DL's "Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah, Rose" cretin DID check in, at R35. Those one-liners ALWAYS keep me in stitches for weeks.

Any time Martin referred to Frasier and Niles as "you doilies" on FRASIER.

From the Carol Burnett Show, Mama talkin':

You've got splinters in the windmills of your mind.

I think somebody blew out your pilot light.

"Homosapien. That's a killer fag."

M*A*S*H

Hawkeye to Winchester: Your parents voted for FDR... FOUR TIMES!

X-Files, psychic Clyde Bruckman's remark to Fox Mulder:

"You know, there are worse ways to go besides autoerotic asphyxiation, but I can't think of a more undignified one."

Bonus points for Bruckman's being portrayed by the late great Peter Boyle.

Nicely done, r44. Then Bruckman answers Scully’s question, “How do I die?”

“You don’t,” he says, merrily and so Boylely.

"How come we overcame and nobody told me?"

R41, and don't forget:

"You ridin' the cotton pony?"

"No doubt about it. I have to get another hat." (Bullwinkle J. Moose)

Uighur, please - the Daily Show

Hey, there's Oscar's roommate Gil, I wonder if he knows.

Great Caesar’s Ghost!

You can cut out the little morality play. Some of us are trying to jerk off. Al Goldstein

Karen loans Grace some very expensive earrings:

"If you lose these it will take you, your mother and your grandmother 20 years of turning tricks at The Plaza to pay me back".

I don’t know why I am eating this chocolate. I should just apply it directly to my hips.

"I don't know why you just don't elope"

"I can't elope, Kim" (while taking a melon out of the fridge)

- Kath & Kim

Bartlet: Post hoc ergo propter hoc. I didn't lose the Texans when I refused to wear a ten-gallon hat. When did I lose them? CJ: When you learned Latin. Bartlet: Exactly.

You little bitch troll from hell!

"Cunnilingus and psychiatry brought us to this."

[quote]“When you look at someone through rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”

Why do I picture Lisa Kudrow saying that? It’s such a Phoebe thing to say.

“I don’t understand the question and I won’t respond to it.”

Just the one, dear?

Do you have some problem with me dating your brother?

and

(Tom's not gay!) He seems to be under that impression.

Sit on it! (Happy Days) This was on tee shirts in the 70's. A couple of weeks ago in NY, I heard a stressed out elderfrau from St. Olaf yell this at a honking, Dominican uber driver. So funny, I LOL'd and I helped her park her gentrifiymobile. She insisted I take 2 dollars. I want to think she didn't vote for Trump but she probably did.

"Lucy, I'm home!" (Ricky Ricardo in "I Love Lucy")

Eat my shorts.

"Oh my stars!" (Samantha, "Bewitched)

"Isn't it amazing how I can feel so bad and still look so good?!" (Blanche, "The Golden Girls)

Houston, we have a problem.

r68- What show did that come from? I only know it from the Tom Hanks movie.

From the moon landing.

R70- Oh! Duh, LOL!

"To alcohol! The cause of...and solution to...all of life's problems!"

R59 That’s Lisa Kudrow’s line! Her character on Bojack Horseman said it.

"I treat my body like a temple, Laverne. You choose to treat yours like an amusement park."

The last mosquito that bit me had to book into the Betty Ford Clinic

"I don't want to see the world through rose-colored glasses! I want the world to BE rose-colored!"

From Brooklyn Nine-Nine:

[quote] Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.

[quote] Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.

[quote] Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

If the entire world is divided up into boys and girls - we're girls!

"And by the way, they're real ....and they're SPECTACULAR."

"I don't know."- You Can't Do That on Television

My daddy always said, Never sell a car or a slave to a friend. Because when either stop working, you never hear the end of it!

In the spirit of the season:

"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!"

Sgt. Esterhaus in Hill Street Blues

I always said I wouldn't be caught dead in a dickey. And look, there I am, dead in a dickey. (Murphy Brown, attending her own funeral)

"Why don't you call me 'Mister'?" (3:45)

"What's a weekend?" ~Dowager Countess of Grantham

"The turkey's so undercooked a skilled veterinarian could still save him"

“Kindly shut the fuck up” or “San Francisco cocksucker” are my favorite insults from “Deadwood “.

Holly Lindsey (Maureen Garrett) gave this great speech when asked to explain what she meant about Ed Bauer's (Peter Simon) daughter Michelle (Rachel Miner) feeling 'betrayed' after her mother Maureen's (Ellen Parker) death (not knowing Ed's infidelity inadvertently led to Maureen's death).

[italic] “Haven’t you ever felt so hurt and so lost that anything anybody said just sounded hollow and beside the point. And didn’t it ever seem to you that if the people who supposedly care about you are still standing around making sympathetic noises instead of falling over paralyzed like you are then they really don’t get it -- because if they felt the way you felt then, the world would stop, the sun would freeze in the sky, and they wouldn’t be able to do or say anything the way they had ever done it before. So, either you’ve got it all wrong yourself or you have been completely betrayed by the people who promised to always love you and care and understand…that’s what I meant…that’s more than I meant.” [/italic]

"Say Goodnight, Gracie"

"I am not a crook."

— Richard M. Nixon

Girls! Girls! You're both cunts!

Ask Not What Your Country Can Do for You. Ask What You Can Do For Your Country

I'm not having a glass of wine; I'm having six. It's called a tasting and it's classy.

DAMN DAMN DAMN

IS THIS REALLY GOODBYE?

IT'S A LONG WAY TO TIPERRRRRAY ...

R89 thanks for reminding us of a time when the writers of soap operas were true dramatists.

GOD WILL GET YOU FOR THAT ...WALTER

I HOPE YOU DIE .

I have a message. Lt. Col. Henry Blake's plane was shot down over the Sea of Japan... it spun in. There were no survivors.

...BUT, THE MORTIMER CLUB IS RESTRICTED.

And THAT, Marjorie, just so you will know, and your children will someday know, is The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia!

"I know you to be a nasty jealous scheming bitch." -Marchioness of Hexham

STIFFLE IT !! DINGBAT !!

'We all have to decide for ourselves how much sin we can live with.'

I'm not religious, but I remember feeling floored by this line.

"He's fine, he sends his love!" "Becky...cut...the cheese."

And for r89...

You have broken my heart.

“I was in the POOL!!” - George

^ oops, put link in wrong place

THIS IS THE BOU QUET RESSIDENCE ….LADY OF THE HOUSE SPEAKING ...

Gay as a picnic basket

[quote] R68- What show did that come from? I only know it from the Tom Hanks movie.

[quote]From the moon landing.

It was from the Apollo 13 mission, which never landed on the moon, dumbass.

Walter, you son of a bitch.

"Wasn’t Danny Thomas one?"

You may not come near me. I am Erica Kane , and you are a filthy beast. - to a (an actual) bear.

You girls are getting to be a BUNCH of FAT ASS BITCHES .

“ To the moon Alice, to the moon”.

"Ever since we said 'I do,' there have been so many things that we don't."

"No Soup for You"

Rhoda: How can you gorge yourself and stay so skinny? I'm so hungry I can't stand it.

Mary: Why don't you eat something?

Rhoda: I can't. I've got to lose 10 pounds by 8:30.

Look at yourself, Dorian. You could slather on the rouge with a trowel and you couldn’t hide the ugliness underneath.

Not Norma Jean!

[quote] ... and “Sure Jan” according to DL

Maureen McCormack did not say memorably as Marcia on the TV show.

Christine Taylor said it memorably as Marcia in the movie "A Very Brady Sequel."

Walter White, Breaking Bad:

No, you clearly don't know who you're talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, Skyler. I am the danger. A guy opens his door and gets shot and you think that of me? No. [bold]I am the one who knocks!

"Allow me to introduce myself: I'm another person in the room."

"I sure hope she finds one."

--Leo, on being told by a depressed Phyllis that her daughter Bess "wants to marry a boy whose parents are dwarfs."

"Here's Johnny!"

"Not a girl."

The fox has eaten my pussy.

"Gossip is the Devil's Telephone. Best to just hang up."

--Moira Rose on "Schitt's Creek"

From 'I am Cait'

I've been called that a few times. In a few languages. - Alexis, Dynasty

Most of this scene is witty and well turned.

June Cleaver: Ward, don't you think that you were a little hard on the Beaver last night?

I have two favorites:

"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly." - WKRP in Cincinnati

'He's FINE! He sends his love! Bye!"' - Jackie on Roseanne

How I loved WKRP ! Not just for Gay Sandy's bulge either. That episode was a classic . I defy anyone to watch it and NOT laugh .

Apu to a very obnoxious Homer:

"You have made a very powerless enemy"

Designing Women had a few great lines.

"If God was giving out sexually transmitted diseases to people as a punishment for sinning, that you would be at the free clinic ALL the time!"

"Obviously, I'm being punished for some heinous sin, like telling Kyle Westheimer's parents that he is, in fact, a bisexual."

“That’s what I do: I drink and I know things.”

Jessica Tate to Jodie Dallas on "Soap": "Mickey Mouse's dog was GAY?"

Eddie Haskell on "Leave It To Beaver": "Oh Mrs. Cleaver, what a lovely dress you're wearing. I was just telling that to Wallace and young Theodore".

Niles to Frasier (after learning that Frasier's dinner guest is gay and hot for Frasier): "Frasier, I have something to tell you. Dad wanted to tell you, but I won the coin toss."

"That's what the money is for!" - Don Draper yelling at an inexperienced direct report about why he never tells them thank you for the work they produce.

R11 wins, end of discussion. Thanks. x

“Grace, I thought we talked about the beret.

Patty Hearst couldn’t pull one off, and she had money and a gun.“

Which one of you bitches is my mother?

From "Hollywood Squares":

Q: How many men on a hockey team? Paul Lynde: About half.

Q: According to the food editor of the Dallas Morning News, what's the best reason for pounding meat? Paul Lynde: Loneliness.

You only work in a shop, you know.

"I was saying Boo-urns!"

"Look at him, sittin' on that stool like he's doing it a favor!"

SNL - Brenda the waitress (Jan Hooks) regarding a young Alec Baldwin

Suzanne, if sex were fast food, there'd be an arch over your bed!

"Good Lord, I can't believe I'm at a public pool. Why doesn't somebody just pee directly on me?"

No one can resist my Schwetty balls.

KAREN: Oh, cripes. Honey, let me give it to you in a nutshell. Your boyfriend's a big flaming feather-wearing, man-kissing, disco-dancing...

[TAKES A DRINK]

KAREN: Vermont-living, Christina Aguilera-loving, Mykonos-going -

[TO JACK]

KAREN: Honey, take it on home.

JACK: Tom's queer, dear.

'We all have to decide for ourselves how much sin we can live with.' I'm not religious, but I remember feeling floored by this line.

You were floored? What a prisspot

I said, Abort! Abort abort abort! Chuck it down the pan!

Well isn't that special!

"Attention Republicans! Beverly Leslie is a homosexual! I repeat, Beverly Leslie is a homosexual!"

Indeed, R154. It appears some of us are more adept at being a cunt than others.

"Looooukin' good!" (Chico, "Chico and the Man")

"Waaaaah!"

Lucille Ball in all her shows: I LOVE LUCY, THE LUCY SHOW, HERE'S LUCY, AND LIFE WITH LUCY

"You really should wear more sweaters."

Still the most inventive plot twist ever, and a great ending.

R155 Bring me a knitting needle!

I can't believe you don't shut up.

Apu on the Simpsons

Black man! Black man!

Yaas, queen.

[bold]"DEVOTED SISTER, BELOVED CUNT"?[/bold]

"He was the first in a string of so many men I don't even remember their names!!!"

"A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants."

"I mean, she came back from the dead! How am I supposed to fight that? How am I supposed to compete with that? Ok, so I pretended to be her sister, big deal! I didn't hurt anybody!"

" Forget Bozo, George. Bozo's out. He's finished! It's OVER for Bozo!"

Fun Fact: Bozo performers were contractually obligated to wear "no less than two (2) pre-approved undergarments, seamless and without string of any kind." WTF?!?!

"Let's say it moved me TO A BIGGER HOUSE! Oops, I said quiet part loud and the loud part quiet. Ohh dear."

Blanch: Of course I have the appetite of a bird. Sophia: Yeah, Rodan!

R169, amazing that that wasn't on Watros' reel that won her the Emmy.

Alexis: Take this junk...and your blonde tramp...and get the hell out of my home!

"I'm not a maha-riness... I'm a HENNA-rinses!"

It's burned!

Alexis: Well, take a deep breath, Blake because the children, and this house and everything that belonged to me will be mine again!

"Well, we can't all be as lucky in love as YOU, Sue Ellen..."

"But Mother: I AM Juliet!"

It doesn’t make a difference how I got here, Marcia; the point is, I’ve arrived!

My people are Nordic.

"Miami is nice , so I'll say it thrice!"

Kiss My Grits!

From the "No Children Allowed" of "I Love Lucy" when Lucy quips after hearing Ethel drone on about "her friendship with the Ricardos being more important" to her than the lease rules-

“That scene has had more performances than 'South Pacific'!“

I just find it a very cunty and funny line!

I can't remember what program it was, but it was a sitcom about 25 years ago. A kid of about 10 or 12 was chiding his crusty grandmother about her smoking, to which she replied, "if you're that concerned about my welfare, why don't you make my house payment?"

On the same topic on another show, someone remarked that smoking took 20 years off one's life, to which the rejoinder was, "maybe so, but they're the last 20 years, and those are crappy years anyway."

That's life. One minute you're on top of the world. The next a secretary is running over your foot with a lawn mower.

Will had a great line on W&G but I can't remember the wording and I can't find it online. Something to the effect that bisexuality is just an off-ramp on the highway to HomoTown.

The one I always remember from the original W&G, was when Will and Karen both were having a thing with Karen's chef, when they confronted him he said he was pansexual and Karen says "He's been humping my pans?" I remember it was the first time I had heard the term pansexual.

Even though I was into sports and boy stuff growing up I started to realize I was a Mary, though didn't know the term for it, when lines like this from the greatest show of all time The Sopranos spoke to me. Here it is,

For the past year I have been dreaming an din love with Furio. He'd come over, we'd talk, and have coffee. And then YOU would come down the stairs. And I felt probably like some who was terminally ill with cancer who managed to forget for a minute."

-Carmella Soprano

EPIC.

I can't remember it exactly, but there was an exchange between Jack Scalia (Chris) and Susan Lucci (Erica Kane) on AMC that went something like this.

Chris: Erica, when I said I was staying so close to you because I was in love with you I was lying. I'm not a janitor or a lawyer. I'm a secret agent assigned to protect you by the government because your life is in deadly danger by drug lords who want to kill you. You could die at any second and you might not even see it coming.

Erica: (Takes a beat.) Then, you're [italic] not [/italic] in love with me.

"Mickey Mouse's dog was gay?"

I forgot what show.

Customer: Were these cosmetics tested on animals?

Clerk: Yes, and they looked fabulous.

My oven was perfectly fine until you stuffed Birdzilla in it!

It’s not a lie if you believe it.

He played all the right notes...but not in the right order.

"Go right to the source and ask the horse, he'll give you the answer that you endorse."

Anything uttered by the Dowager Countess of Downtown Abbey.

"My niece drew a picture of me and I look so FAT!!!"

Ruth Fisher: "I, I... I brought my soap."

Ruth Fisher: "I am not angry!"

Ruth Fisher: "I'm not fine, I'm a WHORE!"

Ruth Fisher: "Your father is dead and my pot roast is ruined."

" I'll give you a tip. The answer to being unattractive isn't to make yourself even uglier."

It's my favorite and useful in so many slap downs.

"Oh. Good-bye, Blaine."

".....and so you work all season handing out towels....and taking their abuse.....and then they don't let you be in the team picture......"

R203- Not even close to the actual line.

"I have the highest IQ of any American President ever."

"Jeffery Epstien? I met him once or twice, but I can't really say I actually knew the man."

"I've never, ever asked anyone to lie about anything for me."

"We're gonna build that Wall, and Mexico will pay for it, 100% !"

I never slept with Ms. Daniels. That's why I never paid her any hush money. I don't think I ever met her. I have no idea why Rudy gave her $130,000."

r200, your reminded me of this one:

Nate: You lost $25,000? It's just gone?

Ruth: Well, I suppose it still exists. It's just not mine anymore.

I know R204.....but I'm a lazy typist. Just trying to jog the memory of those who saw it.....

"I'm dating a guy with the funkiest tasting spunk."

To this day, I still get a bad taste in my mouth any time I see Bobby Canavale on screen.

It's arcane and too biblical for daily use, but the motif "every prophet in his house" from CARNIVALE chills me even now. Clancy Brown makes the line sound the like scariest thing ever uttered in history. I love how it means everything and nothing at the same time.

Plus it's a great spooky vague response to annoying unwanted questions from entities of whom you wish to take leave.

"One snap of my fingers and I can raise hemlines so high the world's your gynaecologist."

"Alan, when you're making a list of your enemies, your dear sister belongs right at the top of the list!"

[italic] Alexandra Spaulding to her brother Alan, Guiding Light [/italic]

Eddie: ‘In this body there is a thin person dying to get out’

Gran: ‘Just the one, dear?’

Monica: I wasn't really that big. The camera adds 10 lb. Chandler: How many cameras were on you there?

On The Sopranos, Rosalie Aprile:

"At least Judas didn't go in any Apostle Protection Program."

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So why don't you join all the thousands of happy peppy people and get a great big bottle of Vitameatavegamin tomorrow! That's Vita-meata-vegamin!

I loved Tony Soprano calling his sister a Vishnu-come-lately but I can't find the whole quote.

for r217:

Oh, it's my gay best friend... Flouncy Magoo!

From the reality show Siesta Keys of all places

Life is hard, it is even harder when you are stupid.

30 Rock is a goldmine.

"Fine. I'll do it, but only for the attention." "Say no more, shark eyes!" "The Clinique lady says I have witch undertones." "What if the theme was sluts?"

CHARLES: "Mummy, I have a voice!

THE QUEEN: "Let me let you in to a secret. No one wants to hear it."

"You probably don't even hear it when it happens, right?" Bobby to Tony.

"Boy, if I had to service you every time you did something stupid, I'd be flatter than an all beef patty."

Peggy Bundy to Al, after he just dropped 50K on advertising for "Doctor Shoe."

Olenna Tyrell to Cersei: "I wonder if you’re the worst person I’ve ever met. At a certain age it’s hard to recall, but the truly vile do stand out through the years."

Mary, do you know what happens to Veal Prince Orloff if you leave him in the oven too long? He DIES, Mary!

"I love to cook. I just hate cooking for my family."

A conference room…

00:11:31: Right, I’ve got one minute. Features. Catriona?

00:11:34: Well…do something on a car.

00:11:37: What? Do something on a car. I need a new car.

00:11:39: A nice one, no rubbish. right.

00:11:41: And something about how lovely champagne is. We could tie that in with some glasses.

00:11:46: A friend of mine has got a shop with lovely glasses.

00:11:48: Henrietta? Yes. Maybe we could do some lovely photos.

00:11:52: What about people? Who’s in, who’s out,

00:11:55: Who’s sexy, who’s not sexy, who’s clever, who’s not clever.

00:11:57: Who’s in, who’s out. here’s my list.

00:12:00: Cross her out, she screwed me. put him in, he screwed me.

00:12:03: Do something on rRver Phoenix. I really fancy him.

00:12:06: Right. River Phoenix, Mickey Rourke, Liam Neeson.

00:12:09: Don’t do anything on anyone called Freud. i don’t like them.

00:12:11: Bunch of no-talents with an ancestor. but they were in last month.

00:12:15: So? I’m not running a bloody charity.

00:12:17: I don’t have to lick their boots because some grandad invented penis envy.

00:12:21: It’s just that they’re pretty good friends of mine.

00:12:23: It doesn’t matter, but… beauty. Make it quick.

00:12:26: She’s fabulous. puts you into perspective.

00:12:29: Clarins, Shisheido, Paloma Picasso, Chanel make-up, generally…

00:12:36: Faces-eyes, lips, nostrils… this is all off the top of my head.

00:12:41: Douching with mint is a thought.

00:12:43: Ten tips on tropical toenails. I’m thinking natural zing.

00:12:48: “moist” is my “word de jour”.

00:12:51: Lovely wet moist droplets. lusciousness.

00:12:54: I see sun, sand, water, beach…

00:12:58: Photo shoot-wise I’m looking at two weeks in the caribbean.

00:13:01: Skin is in.

00:13:04: And the usual-try to look more beautiful if you want more sex.

00:13:07: Very good. chuck us that wrinkle cream, will you?

00:13:10: Get Hamish in here. I want to find out about the restaurant I’m having lunch in.

00:13:14: Pats? it’s only big names this month.

00:13:17: Laurent, Armani, Lagerfeld, Oscar de la Renta. No British tat.

00:13:20: In Moscow. Glamour in the red square. I’m not using Russians.

00:13:24: They’re all too bloody ugly. and fat.

00:13:26: 400 years of potato diet won’t squeeze into a Gautier cup.

00:13:31: If I looked like that I wouldn’t go out.

00:13:35: Magda? Hamish.

00:13:36: Tell me about the restaurant I’m having lunch at.

00:13:40: Comfortable in the grand manner.

00:13:42: Stuffed with plutocratic goodies and a decent duck.

00:13:46: The dining room is boudoiresque, fin-de-siècle eclectic,

00:13:49: And still fashionably uncomfortable.

00:13:52: A melange, possibly a post-Orwellian version of an Edwardian eatery.

00:13:58: The food? Ecumenical in flavour,

00:14:00: A cosmopolitan adventure full of exuberant eclecticism,

00:14:04: Full of amuse-gueule and gastro-credibility.

00:14:08: No flash in the bain-marie this.

00:14:11: A comforting air. Generally, the tomatoes were rather pulpeuse.

00:14:16: Ta.

00:14:17:It’s bollocks, but it uses up paper and that’s what the magazine is all about.

FFS R228, the OP asked for the best LINE, not the entire fucking script!

R225, what is that from? I like that.

[quote] [R225], what is that from? I like that

Not r225 here, but it’s from Game Of Thrones. That character had a lot of great lines. She was like the Dowager Countess of Westeros.

r229: Sorry about that. There were so many good lines, I couldn't choose just one! :-)

From 3rd Rock from the Sun

Halloween Party Attendee: "Dick, where are your buccaneers?"

Dick, dressed as a pirate, obviously: "Under my buccanhat!"

From Will & Grace

Will, asking Grace about the puppy: "Is that him?"

Grace: "No. It's veteran character actor Charles Durning."

When Charles Durning died, the announcement actually read, "Veteran character actor Charles Durning has died."

Ethel, to Lucy: "Did you just fart?"

Lucy: "Of course I did. You don't think I always smell like this, do you?"

“Where Cathy adores a minuet / the Ballet Russes and crêpes suzette / our Patty loves to rock and roll / a hot dog makes her lose control — what a wild duet!”