Could You Be In A Serious Relationship With Someone Who Doesn’t Read Books?

Yes. It's easy and fine. He has his interests -- music, programming, art -- so it's not like books are the only sign of a thinking brain. Maybe you should consider someone who complements, rather than duplicates.

I want to be able to talk about ideas I encounter in books that interest me with the person I share my most intimate thoughts with. Reading is a pretty basic indicator of someone having a non-lazy brain.

I used to enjoy reading but now I can't concentrate on pages and pages of text. For me, it seems that the more time I was online, and work too, my reading became just flashes of information. I'm determined to read at least one book by the end of the year.

Yes, it's not that big of a deal. My boyfriend used to read sort of trashy dramatic novels when we were younger, but now he owns his own business, and is always working.

No. If the person doesn’t have time to read, like if they work a lot or are always inexplicably busy, I guess I could look past it. But if you actively hate reading and refuse to do it (I know some adults who haven’t picked up a book since high school) then I’m gonna go ahead and assume you’re a fucking moron. Most people I’ve encountered in my adult life who don’t like to read are fucking morons. So, to answer your question, no OP. I don’t want to share my life and my bed with a moron.

I've been in a relationship for the past 25 years with my partner who only looks at the pictures in books and magazines. But he has other interests (and a big dick, too). Plus, the older I get, the less I read actual books unless I'm on vacation.

Yes and No. I was in a 15 year relationship with a hot guy who grew up poor in NYC and had a poor public education and came from a family who did not value reading. I grew up in a good upper middle class suburb, from a family who valued reading. Sex was fantastic but we really had very little in common outside of that. He was always a hard worker and had an honest value system, which was great, he was just never interested in any other culture besides the local one. I attributed this to a lack of reading.

Does TV Guide count as a book?

I agree with R5.

weirdos

So, R5 and R9 - the guy reads nothing but racist, pro-white propaganda, and all his 'reading' leads him to believe Hitler was A-OK. You still inviting this avid reader into your bed?

You don't need to read books to be well-rounded and sophisticated these days. Yes, reading books would be a requirement if you were Jane Austen or too morbidly obese to go out to experience real world.

Funny you should post that OP, my partner does't read books -- it drives me crazy -- he's very smart but he loves tv and the Internet and defends himself by saying he reads all the time, but by reading he means reading web sites.

It may end our relationship. Seriously.

Wow, people on this thread have gone from comparing readers to white nationalists, to saying the only people that read now are the morbidly obese. Jesus, we really are getting progressively dumber and more illiterate as a society.

R14 - my point, since you seem to have missed it, was that reading doesn't mean someone is smart or educated, or educated in a way that you agree with or could support. R5 and R9 were kind of absolute in their statements, which is why I questioned whether the content actually means anything to them. Nothing in my post said readers are white nationalists.

Nope. Total deal-breaker.

Ya know who said, several years ago, that he doesn't read? Jimmy Freaking Fallon. Shocked, am I.

R16 Exactly. Detesting reading and being a dumbass seem to be synonymous.

And you pretty much can’t teach an adult who doesn’t read how to enjoy reading, right? Because the problem goes way back to them never learning how to learn, never finding that they enjoy learning, i.e. new or otherwise challenging information and mental exercise are not appealing to them.

I feel a lot of people don't read regularly these days (or at least don't finish their books), because our general attention spans have become so much shorter. I often marvel over the fact that for example a level of concentration and contemplation like monks had in the Middle Ages, who often were the only people with access to books, is nearly inconceivable for us modern humans, who are constantly distracted by other media or prone to skipping texts, because we don't want to or can't take our time anymore.

In the end I think the important factor is if I can have an informed discussion with a partner, not so much the medium where he gets his information from. There are plenty of middle-aged fraus, who read nothing but YA romance novels. I don't think the fact that they read actual books elevates them above someone, who might not read many books, but for example visits museums, watches documentaries or gets information from the internet.

I'd find it weird and a turn-off though if someone is categorically against reading unless they have something like ADHD or a visual impairment.

My husband doesn't read unless it is a fitness magazine. He is very smart about fitness (he is a part time trainer) but that is about it. He still can carry a conversation. Do I expound on literary topics with him? No but I can join a book club if I want to do that.

I have and other than fucking we had nothing in common.

I’ve tried out relationships with a few people who hated reading. The sex was great, but they can’t really hold interesting conversation. People who don’t read are amazing as fuck-buddies, but I can’t imagine sharing the rest of my life with someone like that.

I'm a writer and a voracious reader who has dated non-readers and never had a problem with them. They were all interesting in other ways. This is a strange question.

I'd want a partner to have at the very least a rudimentary interest in reading, and I'm rather perplexed by people who are almost anti-reading. Having said that, my partner is an avid reader who prefers biographies and classics, and counts Jane Austen as his favorite author. On the other hand, I'm really a book whore, with a broad range of interests : biographies, history, wars and battles, adventure, mysteries and thrillers, and animals, especially cats, whales, ravens and crows, and elephants.

People who don’t read aren’t learned so they don’t have the resources or intellect that keep a relationship going. In my case it would become evident during those instances when I needed emotional or intellectual support and they just didn’t have the wherewithal to provide it.

R3, it's interesting you say that--I can no longer read fiction but I can easily read non-fiction, provided the book is somewhat interesting. I cannot absorb myself in the characters or story when it comes to fiction. It's too hard for me and I think it's because of all the time I've been on my computer.

Most youngish men don’t read today unless part of school or work. It would be hard to find guys who read leisurely that I am attracted to.

Of course- I was. Reading was difficult for him because of dyslexia, but he was and is very intelligent and creative. I don’t have “criteria”.

R27, I'm 32 and I make time to read a lot of history/political/cultural books. But that's what makes it so difficult, you really have to make time in your schedule to do it. As you get older, it gets harder. When I see people older than me posting all these long amazon/goodreads reviews for books they read, I wonder how the hell they make time to read when many of them have kids.

It must be hard for DLers and gay men in general who need their partner to enjoy reading, given how picky and critical they are and the fact that most Chris Evans looking men don’t spend their time reading.

I don't need him to be an avid book reader. I just need him to be able to express himself well through words.

Complete red flag and also a deal breaker. An addiction to books and perusing bookstores for hours - is something that I share with my partner.

Very few hot dudes read. Below 53, forget about it

I have a stack of medical journals bedside. I go through a few before bed. Other than that, I don't have time to read other books.

OP/r2, join a book club. My bf and I have different preferences in reading materials and usually never read the same books.

R35 uh no thanks. I’d rather simply date someone who is literate and intellectually curious. Book clubs are for fraus having identity crises.

Ahh, intellectual curiosity is the sexiest quality.

I read books much less than I used to, but have tripled my newspaper reading. I am committed to reading more in the new year.

Nope. Just can't decide which one I'd choose: (and where else if not here I could post this....):

My husband is in one. He reads everything, quickly, and across all genres. I was a voracious reader until about five years ago when there were just too many titles that I was borrowing and I couldn't keep up with them all. Almost everything I read now is old books that I've read many, many times before.

I'm a librarian.

R40…you’re surrounded by All The Books, All Day…and you keep reading the same things over and over again?…I don’t understand.

The most leisure reading I ever did was when I was in college. I would read a book every couple of days. None of them had to do with classes or studying. But now that I'm older and working, I just can focus on reading. My husband is the same. I think modern jobs that involve so much reading of short emails and responding in kind, destroy my ability to concentrate on reading a book.

However, when we go on vacation, both of us manage to read several books.

I can’t concentrate. Reading is too focused for me to do

I can’t even do audiobooks anymore because I lack concentration

I would struggle with it. I'm no intellectual but I'm a big reader, it's a big part of my life and something I'd like to be able to share. I think I'd find it harder to relate to someone who doesn't read or sees the value in reading.

That's a pretty sweeping over-generalization, R36. For someone so enlightened and all.

R40 I might just be aging out of target audiences, but I've never been a fan of mysteries, authoritative biographies have pretty much covered my areas of historical interest, no one writes comic novels like Dawn Powell and Barbara Pym (or even Wodehouse), and the state of the world has me depressed enough that current affairs leave me cold. I did misrepresent myself a bit, but I don't read 1/10 of what my husband does. I have three books I'm going through slowly but I feel like it's been a long time since I "read" (straight through, cover-to-cover, enjoyed OR hated) a book.

Funny thing about librarians--many of us read about reading more than we read for ourselves.

A question for the literates among us. Have book sales actually stabilized or increased since the new millennium? And if so, in what demographic? What percentage of the 18-35 age demographic comprises the reading community and what materials are they reading? Fiction? Non-fiction? Or is the reading community and book buying (Kindle included) sliding down the shower wall?

Of course books sales have plunged

R48 Only speaking for myself here. For about two years, I abandoned actual 3-dimensional books in favor of an e-reader. For a while, I thought it was grand, but then I started to get disillusioned I think that probably this may be a psychological thing on my part, but it became less and less like actually reading a book. I realized that I missed the feel of a solid book in my hands, missed turning the pages, missed the aspect of actually having a cover on my "books," missed not being able to put it into a bookcase when I was finished.. I dumped the e-reader and went back to physical books, and I'm a lot more comfortable now. And I'm buying a lot more books, too.

Want to say yes, but I think it's really no.

Is there a book I could read about it?

Yep. I also could equally be in a serious relationship with someone who doesn't want sex. Actually, both would be okay with me...

It depends - I agree with above. You can be intelligent and well-rounded without being a voracious reader. Most people are trying to just get through life and enjoy things.

After a certain age, there's only so much you can or want to change. It's nice to be open to new ideas about stuff, but to what end?

If you read an idea in a book and want to discuss it with your partner, why can't you just tell him what it is about and discuss it?

Few people read books that pretend to "literary value" and even fewer continue to read any of the great works of literature from the past once they graduate from college.

So, the idea that reading Fifty Shades of Stupid or James Patterson or Dan Brown reflects someone who is more intellectually curious or intelligent is laughable.

And frankly, self-described "voracious" readers need to focus on quality rather than quantity if the overuse of that word is any indication.

R50 Personally I still use both my kindle and actual books, but it's not interchangable for me. I use my kindle only for "light" reading, like cheap thrillers or trashy books you read on a vacation. Just something fun to get your mind off real life problems. I prefer reading them on my kindle because e-books are cheaper and I don't want them to take up valued space in my book case. I likely won't read them again, so it's better if they're forgotten on some hard drive, than in my actual living space. However for books that require some thinking, like classics, non-fiction or especially books with pictures/photographs (I have many books about art) I vastly prefer a physical copy. It seems to me that my concentration is better when I have an actual book in hands and I find it much nicer to paige through it for a section I read earlier or to make small pencil annotations, than just type on a screen. I also really like the look of a beloved, well-read book, it's like a physical representation of the time you spend with the author's ideas and how they made an impression on you.

Well said, R55. That's exactly how I feel.

Wot eez book?

I prefer dudes who don’t read. Much more laid back and masculine to me.

R58, you're right. I NEVER read books. And look at me, I am TOTALLY masculine.

nope

tried it, just nope

Yes, I love dumb guys. Intellectual stimulation is the easiest thing to find outside a relationship. More important is- what are they doing with their life when not reading.

Years ago, I had a BF, an ex-navy guy from Texas who'd been around the world but never read a book. At a fundraiser, I won 2 tickets to Amsterdam and I told him if he read Diary of Anne Frank, I'd take him with me. He read most of it and was finishing up on the plane. We landed and of course he wanted to get stoned 1st thing and then go to the Anne Frank Haus. So, we did. When we came out of the museum, he was ashen. I said something profound like "That's amazing, isn't it?" . To which, he replied " I didn't know she died".

Unless you're reading non-fiction books about history, or science, reading doesn't make you any smarter than someone who plays video games instead.

that's not true

Yeah, I too am attracted to non-intellectual guys. Maybe it’s my strong attraction to raw, primal simple masculinity that keeps me from being attracted to intellectual guys. I have a lot of bright friends to give me intellectual stimulation.

yes and no. I don't care if someone reads actual books, but they have to have some intellectual pursuits. If they are the type of person who only has a cell phone as a form of internet access or whose main hobby is watching sports or gaming, NO, I can't have a relationship with them

I also had to get out of a relationship with someone (who did all the above things) who always needed to go on trips (shitty little trips about an hour or two from home) on their days off, where they spent a lot of time drinking. He didn't have any intellectual curiosity and just needed to be entertained all the time. It's like having a child

It’s hilarious that people here seem to think reading doesn’t contribute to intelligence when there’s been thousands of studies over the decades that prove there’s a correlation between bookworms and IQ/brain development. You sound like Trump.

Correlation doesn’t mean something can’t exist apart from that relationship

It's hilarious that someone would construe correlation with causation.

The linked article finds causation. Learn the difference. It matters.

[quote]42% of college graduates will never read a book again after graduating college.

That's of college graduates. I wonder what the statistics are for people who didn't go to college.

R61 made me spit my coffee, brilliant fucking genius short story. I’ll be thinking about it all day. That sounds like my partner to a Tee.

This thread is actually about two separate topics. Do we still read? How important is it in intimate relationships to have a partner who reads?

As others have expressed, my reading is totally destroyed due to tech. My concentration is shattered. I’m 47 btw, and I grew up with a library bag, went to the library weekly on my bike, came home with maybe ten books, devoured them, rinse and repeat. I carried this well into my early thirties. Now I’m in ruins.

Last week I did a day retreat at a nearby convent that’s filled with radical progressive nuns who just create a spiritual environment for contemplation for anyone of any belief system. It’s for solitude, you have a comfy room with books candles and music all to yourself. I forced myself to contemplate for about two hours. It was very difficult, but it was like a mini-boot camp for my concentration muscle. I’m committed to return to always being in a book now. It is not enough to read newspapers.

Being with someone who shares your interests does indeed make it much easier to stay together longer — if that’s your goal. I say this from experience, and I am currently married to a studly beefcake construction-type who is barely literate. I love him. But we are close to 15 years now, and it’s become more difficult as sex isn’t enough — and we still have amazing sex.

Life isn’t perfect. I don’t think it’s possible to have a partner who meets every single “checkmark” on our list. And that’s ok. But do understand that to sustain a long term relationship, it is simply helpful to have a great deal in common, it’s that simple.

Librarian, you are a weirdo for reading the same books over and over — snap out of it. You are doing a disservice both to yourself and your patrons.

[quote] As others have expressed, my reading is totally destroyed due to tech. My concentration is shattered. I’m 47 btw, and I grew up with a library bag, went to the library weekly on my bike, came home with maybe ten books, devoured them, rinse and repeat. I carried this well into my early thirties. Now I’m in ruins

A lot of people are like this. But you and the other people had an intellectual foundation. You probably still keep up with world matters. Half this country (probably more) doesn't know much about the rest of the world

I couldn't be in a relationship with someone like that

Do your friends also have to be bookworms?

Objectively speaking, I don’t want to have a list of criteria for a potential partner. In practice, though, my relationship experience with non-readers has been frustrating.

It may not be true for all, but I’ve found that those who don’t read, or those who read nothing longer than magazine articles and snippets from random websites, have a harder time sustaining an interesting conversation.

The ex that I was with the longest was like that. We’d go to a movie, afterwards he’d say he didn’t like it. I’d ask why. His response: Just because. That’s really boring to me.

I also find that non-readers have a tendency towards less knowledge about and less curiosity about unfamiliar people, places, culture, languages. People who stay within their comfort zone most of the time seem dull to me.

Some of you are so uppity and insecure. I’m sure you wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t listen to Babs.

“My way is the only way” = insecure douchebag

Elaine: They read.

Jerry: I read.

Elaine: Books, Jerry.

Jerry: Oh.

Non-readers are non-sexy, non-smart, non-fuckable, non-everything.

Books are awfully decorative, don't you think?

I admit I read a lot less now than I used to. Tech has definitely disrupted my ability to focus and concentrate. When I do read, it tends to be pop fiction or autobiographies. Not exactly highly acclaimed literary masterpieces. I find it on par with reading a magazine, watching TV or a movie, or the Internet. It's engaging and entertaining.

Weirdly enough, I’ve found myself reading more lately than in earlier years. Streaming catalogues are getting shittier and shittier, and there’s practically nothing good on Netflix at all anymore, so I’m forced to rewatch shows. It’s started to make me put down the remote and pick up a book. I blame the streaming wars, the fact that every company and their mother is taking their content and making their own service means the juggernauts I’m already subscribed to see getting suckier. It’s motivating me to start reading as my main, daily source of entertainment again, for the first time in a long time.

[quote] I've been in a relationship for the past 25 years with my partner who only looks at the pictures in books and magazines. But he has other interests (and a big dick, too). Plus, the older I get, the less I read actual books unless I'm on vacation.

You sound ideally suited.

No, it's a deal breaker. I like discussing books and reading the same one together. People who don't read tend to have basic vocabularies and the way they express their ideas and their impressions of the world around them isn't as vivid. My current partner and I both read Mary Renault's The Bull from the Sea on holiday in Crete this year, and it really enlivened our experience of the Palace of Knossos, and the whole island.

Agree: it's a total deal breaker.

No, sorry. I don’t date illiterate neanderthals, regardless of how hot they are. The relationship would last about a weekend.

No. It means they aren't interested in other people, or the world at large.

It depends. How big is his cock?

[quote]I prefer dudes who don’t read. Much more laid back and masculine to me.

Intelligence and curiosity aren't "masculine" traits?

I once had a passionate attraction to a man of... less than intellectual pursuits. His brutish caveman similarities only made my poor heart grow fonder. He never once read a book in his life. Mm, even remembering him at this moment sends a fire to my loins. Unfortunately, in the end, it was the attractive brute within him that was the end of me. If only he had read a book or two... perhaps he would’ve been kinder.

"If you go home with somebody, and they don't have books, don't fuck 'em!"

- John Waters

I’m not looking for a John Waters type anyway

I read books! I finished "The Hungry Caterpillar" just the other night!

I like to curl up with a good book.

No man ever stuck his hand up a girl's skirt looking for a library card.