Do you ever regret not having children? I don’t. I’ve had the ability to do so many things that my friends with children never did. I do think it would be nice for someone to check on me when I’m very old, but that wouldn’t be worth having to raise a child.
Do I regret not having kids? Not just no, but FUCK NO.
by Anonymous | reply 1 | November 8, 2019 7:19 PM |
Not in the least bit. I consider myself FORTUNATE that I was never presented with the opportunity to have kids.
by Anonymous | reply 2 | November 8, 2019 7:21 PM |
I believe there’s way too many children in the world already.
by Anonymous | reply 3 | November 8, 2019 7:21 PM |
I wouldn’t have been able to complete my life’s work if I had children.
by Anonymous | reply 4 | November 8, 2019 7:22 PM |
NO.
by Anonymous | reply 5 | November 8, 2019 7:24 PM |
Nope!
by Anonymous | reply 6 | November 8, 2019 7:34 PM |
Absolutely not.
by Anonymous | reply 7 | November 8, 2019 7:36 PM |
Christ, no. I do not have the patience.
by Anonymous | reply 8 | November 8, 2019 7:39 PM |
Nope. I have 24 nieces and nephews.
by Anonymous | reply 9 | November 8, 2019 7:40 PM |
Everyone should have children.
by Anonymous | reply 10 | November 8, 2019 7:42 PM |
I don’t regret not having children. I work with infants and morons
by Anonymous | reply 11 | November 8, 2019 7:42 PM |
So very few humans alive today are going to get "very old." If I'd had children I'd be furious with myself for abandoning them fend for themselves on a dying planet.
by Anonymous | reply 12 | November 8, 2019 7:46 PM |
R12 How long do you give humanity then?
by Anonymous | reply 13 | November 8, 2019 7:49 PM |
Fuck no.
by Anonymous | reply 14 | November 8, 2019 7:50 PM |
Yes, I wish I had 5-9.
by Anonymous | reply 15 | November 8, 2019 7:51 PM |
Yes. I wish I had lots of boys and I’d try to make them all gay in order to fortify the gay population. I’d tell them from a young age, that since their daddy’s gay, they will be gay too.
by Anonymous | reply 16 | November 8, 2019 8:03 PM |
I’m 45. My husband nearly became foster parents 8 years ago with an intention to adopt. We took the classes, filled out all the paperwork and they were about to match us with a newborn baby. Then we decided we weren’t ready and backed out. It wasn’t the right time but I’m sad we never revisited it. Especially now that we’ve adopted a dog. My husband loves the dog and is so great with her. It makes me realize that he would’ve been a fabulous father. He’s 65 now and adopting a newborn just isn’t realistic now. Maybe we’ll adopt a teenager that desperately needs a family. We would need a bigger apartment than we have now though.
by Anonymous | reply 17 | November 8, 2019 8:04 PM |
I'm not 50 + but I'd rather have a cat. Seriously.
by Anonymous | reply 18 | November 8, 2019 8:09 PM |
Children are usually thankless. If you raise them thinking you're going to get anything back when they are adults, , you will be very disappointed . Raising two to be independent , giving them a lot of freedom I don't hear from one at all and the other, only when she feels guilty.
BTW, I never push for them to talk to me or try to make them feel guilty about not staying in touch....they are who they are. I will be leaving my stuff to our local Humane Society. I know the kids are frothing at the mouth to get my Camaro
by Anonymous | reply 19 | November 8, 2019 8:11 PM |
Never wanted to have children. They always seem to like me, as if I’m some kind of big dog. But, I realized that, if I’d had any, I would have treated them the way I was treated.
And that would not have been kind.
So not for me
by Anonymous | reply 20 | November 8, 2019 8:13 PM |
I’m friends with a straight woman who admitted to me one night over a couple glasses of wine, that she regrets having her two children. Her son is in and out of jail and her daughter is a bipolar mess. She said they have ruined her life.
by Anonymous | reply 21 | November 8, 2019 8:15 PM |
I have met many possible adoptees on Grindr. Young men with no father figure in their lives.....You can adopt one easily with a little TLC and Do Re Mi.
by Anonymous | reply 22 | November 8, 2019 8:19 PM |
I'm 47 and i don't regret not having kids. I've watched my sister ruin my my mother's life as a spiteful manipulative alcoholic with probable mental issues. It's awful. And that's just the closest situation, there's so many thankless kids born to well meaning decent people. So happy I don't have to deal with my own. I feel blessed actually.
by Anonymous | reply 23 | November 8, 2019 8:22 PM |
People very seldom talk about the point R21 makes but it happens more often than folks want to admit. You invest years and years of your life and hundreds of thousands of dollars, only to have the child turn out to be a drug addict or severely mentally ill — or they just move to the other side of the country and you only see them once every few years.
People whose children turn out like that never talk about it. So there’s a strong selection bias for thinking that having kids generally works out well because the only people who talk about their children are the ones whose kids turned out well.
by Anonymous | reply 24 | November 8, 2019 8:23 PM |
I have some regrets about things in my life but not having children is definitely not one of them.
by Anonymous | reply 25 | November 8, 2019 8:23 PM |
No regrets ever
by Anonymous | reply 26 | November 8, 2019 8:24 PM |
Having children doesn't mean they will check on you when you are old.
by Anonymous | reply 27 | November 8, 2019 8:29 PM |
So glad I didn't. But what I did do was become godfather to four kids, two of whom I am very close to, as much as their actual father (the other two aren't quite as close). And I have a niece and nephew who love me, so basically I've got four kids I never had to deal with as babies, whose diapers I never had to change, whose college educations I didn't have to pay for, etc.
Get yourself some godkids and nieces and nephews and skip the whole breeding mess.
by Anonymous | reply 28 | November 8, 2019 8:34 PM |
Yes and no.
Yes because as you age realize how family are really the only people you can rely on, so I wish I had that closeness (I have a husband, the best and ultimate closeness and he's a great husband, but I wonder as I age, what happens to the survivor.) I don't mean to paint children as indentured but children help their aging parents. There's a flow and a duty and continuity I somewhat wish I was part of. I also think having kids makes you less self absorbed and selfish. It forces you to think of other people and to think of issues in terms of other people, even if they are only your own people. And I think family makes better holidays. Friends are wonderful things, but they are not family.
No because I do enjoy the freedom of my life without children. Won't deny it. We lead a very easy life with no one to save for except ourselves. As much as I think there are good things that come from being obligated to think heavily about others, I quite enjoyed not having to, to be honest.
And mostly no because I look at the future and to be honest I wouldn't wish it on a child of mine. I think this world gets a lot worse in every respect before it gets any better.
by Anonymous | reply 29 | November 8, 2019 8:52 PM |
So many of my gay friends now have children. While their lives do seemed filled with child-centered activities, they all do see fulfilled.
I do lots of single gays things—traveling, bars, parties—I am realizing there’s got to be more to life than this
by Anonymous | reply 30 | November 8, 2019 9:07 PM |
And those people will kids are often envious of your lifestyle r30. The grass is greener on the other side.
The idea there is some path you can take that will make you magically make you 100% happy and fulfilled just doesn't exist.
by Anonymous | reply 31 | November 8, 2019 9:15 PM |
R29 What bad things do you believe are going to happen in the world to the next generation the most?Climate change? R30 do you not like the options of carefree no ties sexual freedom, opportunity and promiscuity that many gay men experience? Such an opportunity to live that life is something many envy us of.
by Anonymous | reply 32 | November 8, 2019 9:15 PM |
R32... climate change primarily, but I look at the polarization in the world, politically and socially, and it concerns me too, greatly.
Probably a clumsy analogy but the country right now reminds me of what I understand the country to have been like after the Civil War. So much bitterness, hatred, mistrust - on both sides. The Republicans have descended into anarchy and the Democrats are so pissed off they are either unwilling or unable to tap into the better angels of their natures and lead with some openness to compromise and common ground. I believe a generation of Republican political strategists destroyed this country's decency. I don't think we can get it back and that's because of entrenchment on both sides, but the Republicans especially. They are like a zombie now... the corpse of a party animated by whatever twisted minds are driving their agendas. McConnell wants his judges, Graham wants his glory, Trump... I've never seen social anger like there is right now, or political intransigence, but more anger is not the answer, even if your anger is rooted in right.
But more than anything I think the ravages of climate will make the social and political problems that much worse. For the first time in my life I am entirely pessimistic about the future of everything and everyone, so that's why I am glad I don't have any children.
by Anonymous | reply 33 | November 8, 2019 9:24 PM |
I don’t regret having kids. But I’m a step parent now, and I like that. Entered the kids’ lives when they were 8 and 13. Now they’re 15 and 20.
by Anonymous | reply 34 | November 8, 2019 9:28 PM |
I have been lucky enough to be in the lives of my niece and nephew. I'd pick them up most Saturdays and take them to a movie, or go berry picking, or go for a drive in my convertible, or go to their favorite, Toys-R-Us, and give them ten dollars each to pick something to take home. My nephew is now a doctor and my niece is a nurse-practitioner. They still keep me in their lives. I see at least one of them every week. They go out of their way to do something special for me. I have a grand-niece now, two years old. I'm doing the same things I did for her father. At 60 years old, I have a hard time getting up from the floor after playing with her. But, it makes my family laugh, so it's all good.
Fatherhood was not meant for me. Being a good uncle was, and I embraced it.
by Anonymous | reply 35 | November 8, 2019 10:21 PM |
It's sort of a quandary for me. My BF is always telling me what I good father I would have been, seeing how I cared for my parents. But he was always so indecisive, and I would have only done it if we had done it together. I know that other people function as single parents, but I'm a working class guy, and I feel like I wouldn't have given a kid what they really needed in a parent, so I don't spend much time thinking about it now.
by Anonymous | reply 36 | November 8, 2019 10:44 PM |
I used to because my brother and my cousins were all spreading seed in every direction. One day, at my grandmother's birthday party, I was asked if I were jealous because I didn't have kids - that hurt my feelings. I told her I wasn't not really because when I thought about it, my reasons for wanting children had nothing to do with raising them, but having babies to show off and teens and college kids to brag about, and how much they looked like me. When I realized that, along with realizing that I have NO PATIENCE with children, I knew that I'd never become a parent.
The best thing I ever did for my children was to not father any.
by Anonymous | reply 37 | November 8, 2019 10:52 PM |
God No. There’s nothing in it for you when you have kids. Completely thankless and pointless.
by Anonymous | reply 38 | November 8, 2019 10:57 PM |
I would like someone to to change my diapers Other than that, no.
by Anonymous | reply 39 | November 8, 2019 11:18 PM |
I haven't thought about this reflective question in years. The answer is still no, as it was years ago, and will be to the day I die.
by Anonymous | reply 40 | November 8, 2019 11:42 PM |
I despise children. When they smile at me, I look away.
by Anonymous | reply 41 | November 8, 2019 11:47 PM |
R3 I regret not having adopted a child.
by Anonymous | reply 42 | November 8, 2019 11:49 PM |
I sorta regret some things about the hand I was dealt in this life, but not being a father isn't one of them.
by Anonymous | reply 43 | November 8, 2019 11:55 PM |
Happy not to have wife and kids in my life. Don't need house, mortgage, and paying for college.
by Anonymous | reply 44 | November 8, 2019 11:59 PM |
So, Eldergay here. My partner and I had kids when we were in our late 40s and 50s (were 10 years apart in age). We had talked about it years before that - but didn’t have kids then for a variety of reasons. Am I glad we had kids? Unequivocally yes. I love them more than I can say. Has it been hard? Fuck yes. As I say, parenting is the hardest job you’ll ever love. It’s not for everyone - and we have given up a lot for them - but I feel good about what we have done/are doing. Our kids are still in elementary school, and at the recent parent-teacher conferences, the teachers of both our kids told us what nice, loving, caring people our kids were. That was extremely gratifying, as, more than anything, we want our kids to be good people. I’m hopeful that with a good foundation and a loving home, our kids will turn out alright.
by Anonymous | reply 45 | November 9, 2019 12:00 AM |
A study revealed husbands and wives were happiest when their kids left home, so they could enjoy their lives.
by Anonymous | reply 46 | November 9, 2019 12:01 AM |
R33, I get what you’re saying but ther isn’t any compromise or common ground to be found with the extremist sociopathic criminal enterprise called the Republican Party of 2019.
As for kids I don’t think I even entertained the thought of wanting one for even a minute of my life. I‘m over 50 and when I was young I don’t think parenthood was on most gay guy’s radar. Now I would think there is as much pressure on young married male couples to have children as there is in straight people.
by Anonymous | reply 47 | November 9, 2019 12:04 AM |
No, the thought of having a child has never entered my mind it just hasn’t.
by Anonymous | reply 48 | November 9, 2019 12:11 AM |
Well then we are fucked, R47, because when it comes to elections enough people choose the greater of the two evils and elect the extremist sociopathic criminal enterprise called the Republican Party. So I'm glad I don't have any kids to endure the worse to come. And how could it be otherwise?
by Anonymous | reply 49 | November 9, 2019 12:29 AM |
Yep, I feel PRIVILEGED not to have them spazzing around. So noisy and expensive and dirty. The vacations I've been on with my partner have been idyllic - the Maldives, Italy, Thailand, Caribbean, Turkey, Greece and many others. We would have been forced into a caravan in Wales if we'd had the expense of kids.
by Anonymous | reply 50 | November 9, 2019 12:34 AM |
R50 - you’re right about vacations not being like they used to me. My partner and I traveled a TON before the kids cage along - and now we all travel ( though there were a few years when we did travel much at all)
by Anonymous | reply 51 | November 9, 2019 12:36 AM |
There is mental illness in my family. I would not dare father a child. I've seen what Hell can be unleashed when adding a baby to your family. Once that kid pops out, you're stuck. You've got him. Or her. And it's 'No Deposit, No Return, 'Til Death Do You Part.'
That said, at 63, I would love have some grandchildren a few hours a week. But that's about it. I might not have been a great parent. And I certainly would not ever take the risk of getting some crazy-assed child who would go insane when it hit adolescence. That is sooooo not fun.
by Anonymous | reply 52 | November 9, 2019 12:41 AM |
I realize this is a stereotypical R1 response, but I believe we need to be happy that you didn't have children, OP, since you wouldn't have been able to teach them the difference between using "that" and "who."
by Anonymous | reply 53 | November 9, 2019 12:41 AM |
My friends who have kids seem to be unpaid chauffeurs to surly smart mouth and demanding passengers.
by Anonymous | reply 54 | November 9, 2019 12:45 AM |
I have a great relationship with my brother's children who include me in their lives. I don't feel I could be a parent since I would not have a partner. When I read when people say they hate kids it makes me very sad. We need kids for our future..
by Anonymous | reply 55 | November 9, 2019 1:42 AM |
I grew-up with two older sisters. The oldest couldn't have children. The middle sister had a son but he committed suicide. And as a single gay man, I have none.
So my parents have no grandchildren.
I would only have some if I became very rich (not likely). And even then I'd probably adopt.
by Anonymous | reply 56 | November 9, 2019 2:00 AM |
I thought about having kids when I was in my late 20's - early 30's but when my nieces and nephews ended up being addicts and felons I said 'Fuck no!'
by Anonymous | reply 57 | November 9, 2019 2:01 AM |
I'm in my 50's; my husband is in his 40's. We have a 10 year old daughter in fifth grade. We did the public, county system for foster/adopt, and ended up with a newborn who was abandoned at birth. I would not change a thing; she is a gift. Parenting is overwhelming and crazy, but it is also indescribably, profoundly good. Having a child changed the way my husband and I live to be sure, but we have grown so much closer than I ever thought we could through our shared parenting.
Like somebody else upthread said, my kid's teachers also gush about how sensitive and kind she is with others, especially when she calls out bullying in any form. She is a good, not great, student and I am okay with that for now. I completely understand the "no children, ever" crowd. I thought I would be a member of it forever. But I met "Mr. Right" and things fell into place. I would not change anything.
by Anonymous | reply 58 | November 9, 2019 2:13 AM |
I teach for a living, so kids are a daily part of my life. So, NO, no regrets about having kids, thanks
by Anonymous | reply 59 | November 9, 2019 2:16 AM |
[quote]Do you ever regret not having children?
Who says I never had children?
by Anonymous | reply 60 | November 9, 2019 2:24 AM |
I'm glad some of you nasty, selfish cunts had the sense not to have children, you'd have made horrible parents. Also, some of you seem to think people choose to have a mental illness. I would have loved to have had kids and there's a big hole in my heart because I didn't. However, I have (well-managed) bipolar 2, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
by Anonymous | reply 61 | November 9, 2019 2:25 AM |
No. In my fantasy I imagine myself as a loving parent but I have to accept the fact that I would be fretful and controlling. I would be an awful parent.
by Anonymous | reply 62 | November 9, 2019 2:26 AM |
Nice post, R58. You and your husband sound like lovely people. Your daughter is lucky to have you and vice versa.
by Anonymous | reply 63 | November 9, 2019 2:28 AM |
We had two. And to be honest, I thought I'd kill one of them more times than I can count!
by Anonymous | reply 64 | November 9, 2019 2:37 AM |
I live in a hot southern state. I’m quite sure I would have left the little snot factory in a locked-up car on a sweltering summer day “by accident.”
by Anonymous | reply 65 | November 9, 2019 3:02 AM |
Like a few other parents who posted here, I'll say that having kids is (1) very demanding and (2) extremely rewarding. It's not for everyone, but if it is for you, then it really does provide incredible happiness in your life.
I absolutely understand and respect the people saying "hell no" to the idea of parenting. It's not for everyone, and that's OK. In my case, I've always felt that I was meant to be a father, ever since I was a teenager. Not sure why, but that's the way it is. Fast forward to now, where my husband and I are the parents of two wonderful boys. And everyday I'm more convinced that it was the right decision. We get so much satisfaction in our lives compared to before.
As some poster said above, we're working hard to provide our children with the right foundation. We want them to become good people who help others in the future. We feel that it's a meaningful thing to do. We'll see if we succeed.
by Anonymous | reply 66 | November 9, 2019 3:46 AM |
R58’s daughter is gonna hook up with R66’s sons and murder all 4 parents.
by Anonymous | reply 67 | November 9, 2019 4:38 AM |
R33 Thank you for your detailed thoughtful reply.I really dread to think what situation humanity will be in in say the year 2200, 2300 ?😮🤔
by Anonymous | reply 68 | November 9, 2019 7:38 AM |
Children would only have gotten in the way of my erotic lifestyle.
by Anonymous | reply 69 | November 9, 2019 9:08 AM |
I see what you did there, R69. WW for you.
by Anonymous | reply 70 | November 9, 2019 12:26 PM |
R61, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
by Anonymous | reply 71 | November 9, 2019 8:24 PM |
Having a cat is quite enough.
by Anonymous | reply 72 | November 9, 2019 8:31 PM |
I think most gay men are too evolved to have children. We have great things in art and culture to accomplish and children would be a barrier. I think the gays that are heteronormative and have the “2.5 kids and white picket fence” are of lower intelligence and IQ. They decide to have children because they aren’t able to contribute anything to the world.
by Anonymous | reply 73 | November 10, 2019 4:15 PM |
I think if I had had kids I might be more engaged with the world. I would learn things through their eyes, care about the future, and death wouldn't seem like total oblivion. As things stand, I don't care what happens to the world. At all.
by Anonymous | reply 74 | November 10, 2019 5:29 PM |
I used to think I might like to have kids, luckily my siblings had their kids before I got around to it, and I got to see child-raising from the inside.
NO. FUCKING. WAY.
by Anonymous | reply 75 | November 10, 2019 5:32 PM |
I'm not an eldergay, I'm a Millennial. But, from what I've seen, kids in my generation are comparatively more entitled and "mouthy" and even tell their parents to "f*** off" or "shut up" during occasional heated arguments. Seen it too many times. It still shocks me. The social climate is really changing. It used to be the case that kids were expected to show at least a bit of reverence to parents and 'elder' people in general (my parents' generation). At the very minimum, I would never DARE tell my parents to "shut up" (they'd probably whack me for such disrespect). But it's becoming more of a thing now: generational customs and 'behaviour barriers' are increasingly being eroded and kids now feel more free to swear at their parents or talk 'down' at them, as if they were talking to their peers.
I think it's much harder to parent now than it was before.
by Anonymous | reply 76 | November 10, 2019 7:42 PM |
My husband and I did lots of traveling and clubbing, so have been completely happy not doing any of that when we adopted our two kids.
All our friends now are other parents and we discuss parent things. Our single gay friends continue to travel and party. So happy not to be doing that anymore.
Life is so much fuller now actually. Loving kids is one of life’s great wonders and we’re so lucky to be experiencing it
by Anonymous | reply 77 | November 10, 2019 10:37 PM |
Of course, being childfree doesn't necessarily = traveling and partying all the time.
Twice in my life, I was able to walk away from a job that I was no longer enjoying and take a year off to go back to school or pursue creative classes. I probably couldn't have done that if I had kids. I like kids, but I have some genetic stuff I don't want to pass along. I wouldn't be averse to adopting, though.
by Anonymous | reply 78 | November 11, 2019 2:22 AM |
R73, yeah, gays on DL are "too evolved". That's right.
by Anonymous | reply 79 | November 11, 2019 7:34 AM |
That was one of the best whoppers I've read in awhile, R73. For evolution at work, check the cruise orgy video. We're leading edge to a man.
by Anonymous | reply 80 | November 11, 2019 1:35 PM |
I am glad I have my nieces and nephews in my life, but it really opened my eyes about what it would mean to have a kid all the time. It's like a constant heart attack, full of anxiety when they are little, like they are going to hurt themselves, or later when they start getting independent, and driving! Plus, I like my free time. I don't want to have to help with homework, go cheer them on at after school activities, or go on kid-centric vacations.
I recently had dinner with a former co-worker. Straight woman, divorced when her kids were 8 and 5. She said their dad was a great father but lousy husband. Everything became about the kids. She spends all of her free time shuttling them between after-school activities. Her ex has the kids every other weekend and she said although she misses them when they aren't home, she relishes the time to herself.
by Anonymous | reply 81 | November 11, 2019 2:12 PM |
The only way I would have children is if I was wealthy. If you don’t have staff to attend to their needs, it’s like a full time job driving them around to activities, classes, sports, and doctor’s appointments. I would see them for a short time when the mood strikes, then have the nannies take them away to their quarters. I enjoy peace and quiet too much.
by Anonymous | reply 82 | November 11, 2019 2:22 PM |
I would probably be the parent of the "weird kid" like the one who comes to school with cheese and crackers and some olives for lunch because I forgot to buy food.
by Anonymous | reply 83 | November 11, 2019 2:33 PM |
When considering children that seem not to care about their parents as time goes by, it may be an issue with the parents rather than ungrateful or uncaring children.
by Anonymous | reply 84 | November 11, 2019 2:48 PM |
Couple of things - it sounds like some of the parents posting here are doing a great job and have lovely children. Awesome!
But one thing I've learned is--having kids isn't a guarantee that they'll be there for you when you're old. I have two older brothers who don't give a shit about my 84-year old mother, even though their hands will be out so fast when she passes and it's time settle her estate. I'm the only one who comes around. If she didn't have me, she would be completely screwed.
Personally, I feel blessed not to have children. I love my friends children very much. But that's as far as it goes.
My partner at one point brought up the idea - which was quickly nixed. I can't imagine our lives with children. We love traveling. And I've been able to take chances with my career that would've been unthinkable with kids. Like, right now - I'm leaving advertising and going back to school at the age of 48 to become a therapist/social worker. I can do this because we did our finances and determined that we can take the hit in income for a couple of years while im studying and working smaller, remote jobs from home.
I also love our apartment. It's a huge one-bedroom in Brooklyn - perfect for two people and rent stabilized. But with kids we'd be living in outer-queens or Long Island - and I'd be chained to a middle-management job that I despised.
Finally, though I'm surrounded by beaming (and somewhat self-absorbed) affluent parents and children in my neighborhood, I sometimes wonder if it doesn't mask an internal despair. Our neighbors down the hall have two kids and quite frankly, the mother looks miserable all the time.She screams incessantly at them. And I've had two different friends with children confide to me that having them was a big mistake. Granted, these are people who aren't rich and are trying to make ends meet in expensive cities.
So yeah - short story: if you're not rich, don't have kids.
by Anonymous | reply 85 | November 11, 2019 2:52 PM |
Don't be so hard on yourself, R83. How many kids come to school packing Brie de Meaux for lunch?
by Anonymous | reply 86 | November 11, 2019 3:03 PM |
Isn't this really a question that cannot, with all intellectual honestly, be addressed until we're at the end of our lives?
by Anonymous | reply 87 | November 11, 2019 3:29 PM |
R87 - we are now closer to the end of our lives than the beginning.
by Anonymous | reply 88 | November 11, 2019 5:01 PM |
Without question, R88, but for those who are still relatively healthy, the difference between now and the end of our lives when we're not healthy and ambulatory can be the difference between day and night.
by Anonymous | reply 89 | November 11, 2019 5:25 PM |
r30 its your life. Live it how YOU see fit!
by Anonymous | reply 90 | November 12, 2019 8:26 PM |
R84 Im the one who posted they are thankless. I never expected them to give me back anything. I didn't have them to take care of me when I'm truly an elder. As I said, I raised them to be productive members of society AND independent. To live their own lives they way they want to, not to fulfill anything lacking in me.
That said, a "Hi, are you still alive?" once in a while would be nice..thats all...........
by Anonymous | reply 91 | November 12, 2019 8:30 PM |
Felt the same way as OP. I don't dislike kids but 10 min with them is about all I could handle. Last week I visited my brothers family and spent extended time with my 4 yr great nephew. I was smitten. He really is the most magical being. I must be going senile.
by Anonymous | reply 92 | November 12, 2019 9:27 PM |
I have to admit I like spending time with my young (17 and 18) nephews.
by Anonymous | reply 93 | November 12, 2019 9:30 PM |
To the self described millennial @ R76: Aren't you precious? You do realize that your criticism about "kids nowadays" is as old as time, right? Relax, little one. You're heading into "GET OFF MY LAWN!" territory all too soon.
by Anonymous | reply 94 | November 12, 2019 10:13 PM |
What r82 says. Which begs the question why is it so easy for the young and poor to procreate but harder for the older and more affluent? And why the latter refuses to consider adopting?
by Anonymous | reply 95 | November 14, 2019 4:07 PM |
I spent lots of time babysitting my sister's children when they were very young, and I definitely have my urge to procreate and actually remain in the same zip code as the obnoxious little fuckers, out of the way. I watched two of her three children from Friday night until Sunday arvo one weekend. Now, her kids are absolutely low maintenance. They stayed over at my house.
What I retained from this experience viz. actually raising your children is this: they get up, you feed them, they go play or something, you clean up from breakfast, you feed them lunch, they go play at something, they take a nap, you take them out on a short drive to a lovely park. The youngest, a boy of three, caught my attention in the rear view mirror. "Look, Uncle John!" He had one of those wooden building block balls that look like miniature pool balls in his mouth. I freaked because I thought he'd swallow it and die.
I also give parents with kids carte fucking blanche when their young children start acting out in public. I was my niece's nanny for a month when she was three years old. We drove to a shopping mall. The thing about three year olds is they're pretty much 100% non-disclosure. So, if you tell them in the morning that you'll be driving to that mall after lunch, that's what is going to happen. There's zero possibility that the three year old will say to you, "Would it be OK if we stayed here this afternoon instead of going out? I feel like total crap."
So, we drive to the mall. As we pass one of those hosts of germs, bacteria, child snot and I don't know what else that are labelled as play islands, my three year old niece starts having a meltdown that would bring Courtney Love to tears. A screaming, tectonic, attention drawing final act of a Wagner opera! Out of the blue!
So, when I'm in the checkout line at the grocery store and the child in the grocery cart next to me starts that shit, I fix my gaze on the parent present. "Let me guess. He was fine on the ride over, dozing peacefully. Am I right?" There's a fleeting silent moment of bonding and understanding. The parent is like, "Thank CHRIST somebody understands what's going on."
[Did I sing the ballad yet? Was it wonderful? How many spaces did I include after my periods? You mean I have periods? But I had a hysterectomy!]
by Anonymous | reply 96 | November 14, 2019 4:46 PM |
I think the myth that we control the outcome of our kids lives drives most parents. Most parents have a fixed idea of what they want “their” kids to be - and 99% of the time, they are not. You’re lucky if they are employable, vaguely motivated and responsible. But so often, they turn out messed up - which may have nothing to do with how they were raised.
by Anonymous | reply 97 | November 14, 2019 7:52 PM |
I deeply and intensely regret not having children. I go to disneyland and see parents with their little ones and wish I had that experience. When in a restaurant alone I will see a family together and I envy what they have and I get emotional and have to leave the restaurant. I always thought I would have a big family with lots of kids and it just didn't work out. Sometimes I feel I would be a bad father because I'm too anxious and sensitive. I would constantly fear something bad happening to my child. Kidnapping, injuries, death. I would be a basket case.
l fear growing old without a child to make sure I'm protected from people who take advantage of older people. I had to intervene many times for my mom. She developed dementia and I played an integral role in her life as her medical advocate, ensuring she wasn't being neglected in the hospital or nursing homes. I fear what will happen to me and who will be there to protect me.
by Anonymous | reply 98 | November 14, 2019 8:53 PM |
If I won the lottery, the first thing I would do is create a family with an egg donor and surrogate.
by Anonymous | reply 99 | November 14, 2019 8:55 PM |
Not over 50. Have two kids. They’re amazing and I love them. If I had my time again, I wouldn’t have them.
by Anonymous | reply 100 | November 14, 2019 9:15 PM |
R98. I feel for you but believe me, our daughter didn't allow us to go to restaurants, nice or otherwise. She was the brat throwing the tantrum no matter where we went. When she was able to talk, everything was an argument. it wasn't until she was 18 that she became human .....if tshe was the first, there never would have been another. She was hell
by Anonymous | reply 101 | November 14, 2019 9:33 PM |
Why not r100?
by Anonymous | reply 102 | November 14, 2019 10:15 PM |
R102 I guess I just think, although they’ve turned out to be amazing young men, they deserved much better than the parents they got and the life experiences they had.
by Anonymous | reply 103 | November 14, 2019 11:08 PM |
Some friends have adopted at 50. Much too old to do that in my opinion.
by Anonymous | reply 104 | November 14, 2019 11:29 PM |
r101, what your child needed was a good old-fashioned spanking. And I say this as someone who was abused by his parents!
by Anonymous | reply 105 | November 15, 2019 1:32 AM |
r105 so was I. I just refused to get into a pissing contest with her. Oh, she turned out to be a great person with great compassion and empathy...go figure.
by Anonymous | reply 106 | November 15, 2019 2:07 AM |
Looking back on my life, I'm much to self-centered to have been a good father.
I do regret not having grandkids, though. My friends who have them seem to adore theirs.
by Anonymous | reply 107 | November 15, 2019 2:34 AM |
Having kids helps to stem much of the gay narcissism so prevalent on social media
by Anonymous | reply 108 | November 15, 2019 2:37 AM |
In Provincetown, I met a gay who had 10 grandkids!
He and his partner adopted kids in the 80’s. He said he was hated by both gays and straights for being a parent.
by Anonymous | reply 109 | November 15, 2019 2:39 AM |
R107, I thought the same about me, until I had kids. When it happened, it was no longer about me. I didn't have to force myself, it just happened. You get attached to your children, and instinctively, it's no longer about you. It's about them.
by Anonymous | reply 110 | November 15, 2019 3:13 AM |
Never had kids and have never regretted it. So many people have kids just to have kids because that's what you're supposed to do. And a lot of kids are just accidents, born because somebody was too stupid to use birth control. I never wanted them. I've had people try to make me feel guilty for that, but fuck them. I know I did the right thing by not having them.
by Anonymous | reply 111 | November 15, 2019 3:20 AM |
R111 makes good points about kids being born because that's the normal thing to do, or by accident. I think that applies to straight people because it's so easy for them to procreate.
But for gays it's so hard to become parents, the kids almost never end up being the products of accidents. I'm sure there are exceptions, but I've never encountered children, in gay families, who were not loved and desired.
by Anonymous | reply 112 | November 15, 2019 3:27 AM |
R45, R51, R63 here (don't know why my posts did sign properly)...any-who...I think that many people have made the point that not everyone wants to have kids or should. Totally agree. I'm thankful that my partner wanted kids and we ended up with two good ones (so far). We know there's no guarantee - but I do think you can get a sense of what a person will be like even when they are very young. BTW, there are moments when my partner and I look at each other and say, "What were we THINKING???" - and then laugh. Raising kids is so fucking hard and tiring - but when they say, "I love you, Papa" - your heart just melts. OK. I will shut up now.
by Anonymous | reply 113 | November 15, 2019 4:42 AM |