My Husband Hit Me This Morning

I'm sorry you were hit, OP and no, you don't ever deserve it. I think you have touched on an important point, which you know, and that is your relationship is dysfunctional when one or both of you are drinking. I know this from my own experience. He may have been angered for you to talk about his drinking if you yourself were tipsy. I know this would set off my partner who has anger issues when drinking. My advice is to wait until you both have recovered from the effects of alcohol and seek counseling. If you are are in immediate danger, however, LEAVE. No one should ever make you feel that you deserve to be hit.

Go to counseling, OP, there are clearly unresolved issues. You'll soon know whether to leave him.

Did you hit him back, OP?

If the relationship is important to you, then one slug is not necessarily enough to end it. But that one slug is a clarion call for counseling. Tell him you want to go to couples counseling. If he refuses to go with you, you can dump his sorry ass then and have no doubt you've done the right thing.

Unless you're okay being a human doormat.

Leave now. Abuse is never acceptable.

Is he the Truvago guy? My husband and I have hit each other before, sometimes things get sloppy. Don’t stress!

Al ANon

Counseling NOW! Let a professional guide you as to what to do--not us on DL.

My first inclination is to go to counseling and give him one more chance, but one more chance could be dangerous and violent. Go to counseling immediately, and if your partner won't go with you, then go alone.

Your partner needs to go to AA immediately.

Well, did he hit your upper arm ... or punch you full on in the face, breaking teeth and knocking you down?

I’d consider these factors.

And, does he pay for more stuff around the house etc? [italic]Adroit de ses mains [/italic], or whatever that French phrase is - -

Listen to Charlene " Never been to me" OP.

Listen to Charlene " Never been to me" OP.

My father hit my mother, once, when he was sober, surprisingly. I witnessed it and intervened.

Some domestic violence experts say you should leave after the first time they hit you, but he was genuinely sorry and never did it again. My mother said he had never done it previously and I believed her. They remained together another nearly twenty years until she died, with my dad taking care of her during her illness at the end.

So personally I don’t think one punch and you’re done. But it really depends. The drinking sounds like the issue here, is he prepared to stop?

You and your husband both need therapy, OP - him for his drinking as well as his behavior. Couples counseling is a good idea. Has he expressed regret about striking you? Does he believe that his behavior needs to change? Are you both willing to cut way back on the booze, or ditch it altogether?

So sorry OP. Hitting is never acceptable and living with a serious drinker is utter hell. I would endorse what others have said and talk it through with a therapist.

Thanks, gang. R6 he's not but we know him! LOL! I'm at work and just being a messy queen-I'm crying at my desk...I did not him back. He backhanded me pretty hard. I don't, or haven't, seen a cycle of abuse but it's scary to someone you love (so VERY much) freak out on you so hard. I think he just wants to forget about it but I think we have to go to counseling.

"If the relationship is important to you, then one slug is not necessarily enough to end it. '

Fuck no. Walk now.

Leave this photo on your computer along with self defence class times information.

You're welcome, OP

Does he appear in commercials for digestive issues?

This is never OK. Put him on notice that the next time he touches you in anger will be the last. Set a firm boundary.

How annoying were you being? Were you shrieking when he had a hangover? Bringing him breakfast in bed when he ‘s not feeling well might be the wiser course.

He just called from set crying and apologizing. I'm sure it was just a one-off but FUCK. Don't hit me, dammit! I probably shouldn't have even posted this thread-I was just so upset. I'm going to bring up counseling tonight.

The reason he hit you was because you were being very mean because you haven't addressed the issue before. So provided this is not some EST, maybe seek counseling.

If it doesn't improve then you probably should leave.

Maybe deep down that is what you want to do anyways. How long have curbed yourself to avoid a fight, or unwelcome behavior? Is this the life you want? You said yourself if it was anyone else you would tell them to leave.

Maybe you were really telling yourself.

and after 5 years what has it gotten you? Clouds in your coffee...

Maybe...just maybe he needs to be taught a lesson.

Maybe you should KILL HIM.

Tonight. Yes, my child. The Sacrifice.

The blood sacrifice.

Do it tonight!

Man up, I say. I get why a woman may be unable to hit back or leave immediately if she has kids but you have no excuse. You are not helpless. So get off the internet and help yourself. Victimhood is a trap

"He was in 'Nobody Loves an Albatross'..."

R23, interestingly enough, he called me a victim before I got hit. He also threw in "white privilege"-that was a new one-he's Latino. Someone asked earlier about money-I do ok on my own but we'd lose a really nice loft and I have to think about the dog. I'm probably just being an idiot. He's a good guy.

don't do counseling. it will drive you apart, trust me. Two guys should be able to work it out at this point

…" yeah, Sally, run me a report on all Latinos currently appearing in any running commercials these days. Why you ask,?,,oh just asking for a friend" thanks doll"!

Be grateful you got a husband! If he gets a bit physical now and then, just learn to roll with it.

R26 not to go off-topic but I have to agree on the counseling. You’re just encouraged to air grievances against each other endlessly, including stuff you always previously let slide in the relationship for the greater good (I don’t mean alcoholism or violence,?but say the mistake from the past, or friend of theirs you never could stand) and it ends up making things worse.

[quote] I try not to drink so we don't fight but I got messed up last night, woke up still a little tipsy and confronted him on his drinking and asshole behavior and he hit me.

How freaking drunk did you have to be last night to wake up still drunk this morning? It's actually pretty hard to remain drunk for that many hours, given the rate alcohol is metabolized and how much you'd have to drink to have that much in your system.

There is so much more to this story than OP is sharing.

Young passionate and working through alcohol issues - meh. Not that big of a deal. If it becomes regular occurrence, worth discussing. But this is merely an opening for discussion about alcohol use.

He hits you because he loves you!

I agree with R19. It’s not OK and excuses should not be made to justify his behavior, least of all by you.

"Pride is something a woman in love can't afford."

You obviously did something to provoke him, OP.

Are you keeping a clean house for him? Do you have hot meals ready for him when he gets home from work? Is the yard kept neat and trimmed?

Did you apologize for getting him all riled up, OP?

Kidding. Leave him.

[quote]I’m going to bring up counseling tonight.

Wouldn’t this be cheaper?

Listen here, Julie Jordan! When you walk through a storm, hold your chin up high and don't be afraid of the dark!

Sing it like you mean it!

Stop drinking, both of you. Have a chat and choose a good marriage counselor you BOTH like. It's normal to go through several before this happens.

Good luck, OP, and I hope you both get over this carry on with a stronger and more loving marriage into the future.

Chasten, Pete is under a lot of stress with running for president and all. You need to be more understanding and refrain from doing anything that might provoke him.

R30 we went out really late and woke up early. Honestly, we're kind of homebodies but he drinks at home alone when he's not working. We live in a LA, parties start late here and, again, not really a party person here. But I admit, I got fucking wasted like an idiot.

There’s nothing like a good dose of being left alone to make a man appreciate his wife.

Pride is something a gay man can't afford

I wonder who the top is?

"I'm probably just being an idiot. He's a good guy.'.

"Good" guys don't punch their partners.

He's cute so keep him. Let him hit you a few more times before you consider leaving him. You'll never get such a hottie again

It only gets worse. Address it now or pay the consequences. I'm telling you now....

So true R 47

[quote]R39 Stop drinking, both of you.

5 years, and no ring? OP needs to lock this down before getting the bf sober. He could have a whole new life outlook when he gets sober ... one [italic]without[/italic] OP in it.

There are younger, tighter, hungrier holes in Tinseltown just waiting to snatch up this semi-famous Latino cock the second they try that “trial separation.”

Get him sober ONLY after you’re married, and he starts securing property in your own name. Until then, no sudden changes.

People who get hit usually deserve it. They can't stop running their mouths, and the only way to get 'em to stop is to show 'em who's boss!!!

OP:

R50 He did say he was very mean because he himself had been drinking the night before, and let loose.

Come for the risible domestic drama, stay for the murder-suicide.

Man up and deal with the situation.

OP - He hit you, did it feel like a kiss?

Don't call the police because then he may be carted off to jail. And once he gets a taste of cage meat, there's no going back.

How do actors get away with being hungover on set? Don’t you look like shit after a binge? I can barely function- could never go to work the day after. Even in my 20s. And I don’t have to look good for the camera.

I’m sure you deserved it !

Oh dear. Did he read your post in the commercials we are hating thread OP?

R56 make up can do wonders....and pills.

My advice more than likely isn't sanctioned by professionals, but my inclination would be to strike back, or if my fist wouldn't suffice, throw something or otherwise meet aggression with agression. Sometimes this is the only language bullies understand. I fully understand a woman probably cannot always take my advice, but for men, if your partner is another man, I cannot see taking it.

I do encourage counseling, but if your partner is mired in alcoholism, he probably won't be willing. You certainly can choose counseling for yourself however. The drinking amd/or hangover is no excuse to disrespect you in this manner. He either gets help wiith the sauce, or the relationship is toast. Best wishes, and I suggest spending the night or a few days at a friend's or family member's place. Others may declare this passive aggressive, but I believe it sends a message of how serious the offence is, and how you are not to be taken for granted. Don't play into his ideas that you are a weak victim; there must be grave consequences for his actions. When you do go back, or if, make sure you have a gas like Sabre, or "mace". Protect yourself and your dignity.

OMG if it’s Fernando Rivera from the McDonald’s commercial I’d find a way to work it out. He is hot af!

Take a lesson from Jerri Blank...

^at about 0:34 is the pertinent part, but the whole thing is fun

That was the most fictional McDonald's ever...

If he hits ya once he'll hit ya again, Patsy. - Mrs. Hilda Patterson Hensley

Fuck no. Being raised as a battered child (both I and my sister, adopted from different families) I have never, ever tolerated such behavior for whatever reason. I agree with upthread, you should have decked him; but in the meantime leave. I also have the feeling that you'll be back for more & will not do what needs to be done until you are seriously injured/dead. It's a hard life keeping up appearances in the industry & you'll choose baubles/bright lights over safety. It's your funeral, babe.

What’s REALLY f—ed up is that so many of you think verbal abuse is acceptable, but physical abuse isn’t. They are both unacceptable, but how many of you would be saying “leave him” if the issue at hand was “only” a cruel and hurtful remark or harangue?

I was physically and emotionally abused as a child, and the verbal/psych stuff did far more and long-term damage than the blows. OP, I don’t know what you said or did to your partner, but STOP trying to sound like a victim when YOU initiated the confrontation.

The rest of you sound like vicious passive-aggressive trouble makers or “Rescuers” on the Karpman Triangle.

R68 What I said was "feed and walk the dog-it's the one fucking thing you do around here" then confronted him on his drinking. Yes, I was a dick, but we don't normally talk to each other like this. Also, we both walked the dog and got a coffee and sat in silence inside the cafe. We normally really like each other. I wouldn't and probably shouldn't have posted this thread but I was shocked and just wanted some advice. I'm sorry about your abuse. I'm a librarian in a rather bad neighborhood and see abused kids all the time and it breaks my heart.

R68 100 WW’s

Start documenting your arguments OP. For Dateline.

Can’t tell you what to do, but I’d make an exit plan. You really can’t trust an abuser.

Either leave him or tell him you can't be around him when he drinks.

[quote]r67 I agree with upthread, you should have decked him.

Do not hit him in the face, tho - that's your mealticket.

Whack him with a strong stick, or plank ... somewhere it won't show.

[quote][R30] we went out really late and woke up early. Honestly, we're kind of homebodies but he drinks at home alone when he's not working. We live in a LA, parties start late here and, again, not really a party person here. But I admit, I got fucking wasted like an idiot.

"In general, the liver can process one ounce of liquor (or one standard drink) in one hour. If you consume more than this, your system becomes saturated, and the additional alcohol will accumulate in the blood and body tissues until it can be metabolized."

I'm going to stick to my original statement: "How freaking drunk did you have to be last night to wake up still drunk this morning? It's actually pretty hard to remain drunk for that many hours, given the rate alcohol is metabolized and how much you'd have to drink to have that much in your system."

As well as, "There is so much more to this story than OP is sharing."

Going out late and waking up early are irrelevant to the absolute quantity of liquor consumed over an absolute number of elapsed hours. If you went to bed for 5 hrs and were still drunk when you go up, you would have been a complete mess at the time you went to bed.

[quote] He is one of the kindest people I have ever met

Except when he hits you.

[quote] and everyone loves him.

Except when he hits them.

[quote]He's handsome-he's an actor you've maybe seen(commercials, tv gig here and there).

How is this relevant to anything? I think it's pretty telling you added this so early--as if his being handsome somehow mitigates that he hit you.

[quote]He's usually a pretty good guy

Except when he hits you.

You should have run and gotten the frying pan and whacked him across the fucking head. How DARE he raise a hand to you. Don’t waste money on a therapist. Use the frying pan instead. That will put manners on him.

Some weeks into a serious relationship my bf smacked me with his open palm across the forehead. He was Latino and I think it was normal for them. But he saw stars when I gave him a full slap across the face and he never raised his hand to me again.

you know what once leads to, OP?

twice.

OP no one ever deserves to be hit, ever. Pack your and get out.

OP, seriously were you trying to use wire hangers, again?

r77's love life sounds like an episode of "Dynasty."

r81r82 bitch!

then...

I heard the sound of it, Mother, but it didn't hurt. It didn't hurt at all. It was just as if he kissed my hand!

Yes. Immediately.

Anytime there's a combination of drugs/alcohol and violence the only answer is "get out". His behavior will escalate. You'll be a punching bag. After you've gotten out, get therapy to find out if you play a role in this. No, I'm not blaming the victim. And no, I don't believe in false equivalences like "theres TWO SIDES".

That's usually crap. The point of getting therapy is to help you deal with being the victim of violence in a way that helps you move forward and not be stuck in the victim loop in the future, damned to repeat the same cycle.

One hit is one too many. If you stay, it will happen again for sure. I promise it.

Tell your friends what is happening, in case you disappear.

Take notes on the abuse, take photos. Put them in a secret safe deposit box, along with cash, passports with multiple new identities, etc.

Be prepared to fake your own death, if necessary. Because he will never stop. And he will NEVER let you go - -

[quote] After you've gotten out, get therapy to find out if you play a role in this. No, I'm not blaming the victim.

But it SURE sounds like it!

When was the last time OP replied?

Shouldn't the hubby be coming home from work around now??

Op, can we have your stuff?

Slapping happens, even in the best of families.

He Hit Me (And It Felt Like A Kiss)

Leave ASAP. This was not a one off....it's only the beginning.

Does he like to wear red wigs and call himself Annie?

My former partner got drunk and took a swing at me. I was sober and knocked the fuck out of him. He was on the floor. I left and checked into a hotel. The next morning I went back, picked up my belongings and left for good. He had a huge black eye. The local CBS affiliate he worked for had to keep him off the air for over a week.

You need to prepare a nice dinner, soft music, mellow lighting.

As he's cutting into his steak, sip your wine and say, "I've been wondering ... how [italic]would[/italic] a man with no hands hit someone?"

Then start cutting into your steak.

I'm of the same mind as R77 on this one. If someone hits you, make sure they understand clearly that you won't be the ONLY one hurting afterwards. It's too late for immediate correction in kind, but I'd say let him stew in an empty loft for a few days so he understands there will be consequences for this sort of thing.

Oh I would give anything to be with a man that hits me. What’s his number hon? You better hang on on to him real tight sugar cuz someone’s gonna take him.

Devils advocate here but had I let a couple of drunken fist fights be a deal breaker I would have lost out on 12 years of wonderful happiness. The first 2 years I put my husband through pure hell because I just couldnt let someone love me.I cheated ,lied,partied way too hard,created lots of drama . When it clicked to me he really truly loved me it changed my life. One slap isnt a deal breaker,but his drinking alone and daily would be. Couples who party together always have tons of drama.

OP must learn The 5 Movements, from The O.A.

Proven to stop violent people in their tracks.

From what OP has described and after 5 years, I wouldn’t pack my bags after 1 hit. There are times you lose control. I would suggest counseling. Definitely leave after the second time though.

[quote]r102 Couples who party together always have tons of drama.

In situations like this, I always ask myself, "What would Suzanne Somers do?" Why, make a Broadway musical out of the experience!

Look, if OP was being as mean as he says he was then he was abusive too. You're both abusers.

OP, never let him hit you again. Tell him he will never hit you again and make him say it out loud.

Then pack this incident up and stash it away. Trot it out occasionally when you want something extravagant. Not too often, or it will lose its punch. When he is being a dick to you, you can ask, "what, or you will punch me again?" You'll be surprised how powerful this arrow in your quiver can be.

What the fuck are you coming on here crying about OP? You've got a man and number one that's more than most of us bitches have and number two, he hits you. Why does he do that? Because he loves you that's why. It's simple S&M. Remember butt hole, your mommy and daddy spanked you to "teach you a lesson" because they "loved you" so every time a person hits you, they are showing you their love. Just thank him and ask him to hit you harder.

[quote]What I said was "feed and walk the dog-it's the one fucking thing you do around here" then confronted him on his drinking

While you were still drunk.

You were itching for a fight. Granted, you had no idea he would punch you because he hadn't hit you before, but you wanted a nasty fight and started one and it got out of hand.

I think it depends on the people involved. Somehow I imagine that maybe two huge burly bears having a bar fight and smearing big childish tears on their cheeks while headlocking each other with trembling fists would be rather adorable.

Two drunks fighting. Now that's a story we haven't heard before!

Report him for anti gay hate crime.

OP, I think you said upthread that he drinks alone during the day. That’s a huge red flag. That’s an alcoholic. And an abusive one at that.

His tearful apology is a typical part of the cycle of domestic violence. You think he’s sorry and you go back to him. He does it again. You leave. He cries, you go back. And on and on.

GET THE HELL OUT. NOW.

I like this version better, r95

Did you really just say - "I deserved it" ?

You only deserve to be hit in a relationship if you have a safe word and you are playing sex games.

It got harpy OP to shut up, anyway. Maybe next time he won't run his man-pleaser like that.

Did it feel like a kiss?

OP is entertaining tonight.

Who the fuck says "I think I deserved it" when they get hit? Even Debra Winger in Urban Cowboy knew better.

R98 good for you. Seriously, I applaud you.

Violence will only lead to more trouble. Trust me.

R98 Was your ex Sam Champion by chance?

OP: Maybe your incessant nagging reminded him of his mom?

The relationship may go better if you swallow your pride, and occasionally start bringing other men home to be with him. If you care, it's worth a shot.

What did I do

To be so black and blue?

You've been together for 5 years and this is the first time this has happened? I find that hard to believe

It reminds me of Janice on the Sopranos. Richie Aprile hit her ONCE and she went into her bedroom, came back with a gun and capped his ass. None of that counseling or second chance stuff. ONE TIME and that was it. It's one of my favorite moments from that series.

My friend had a similar problem, his partner was sweet and gentle when sober but turns into an asshole when drunk, but he would say that is not the real him etc.

This asshole made a lot of money and my friend could not afford to leave him, was trapped for years

"Bitch Slap" and "Vicious Slapping" yield some eye opening gifs . . .

Alcohol is the devil. It is like the potion that turns Dr. Jekyll into Mr. Hyde. They ought to bring back Prohibition.

[quote]They ought to bring back Prohibition.

Ah, me boy, that will never happen. The Cat'lics won't allow it. Why, they can't even make it through one church service without a taste of the old devil's milk.

OP, you should have hit him back. Same sex relationships are different.

Men are conditioned to be non-communicative and violent. Also, there is no inherent shame, or corresponding inhibition, to one man hitting another. So he is not naturally disinclined to strike you. If you were a woman I would tell you to leave now. A man that strikes his wife or girlfriend is already lost.

Since you are a man, if he ever strikes you again, you should immediately retaliate and hit him as hard as you can. It will establish that violence is not acceptable physical behavior. No one who hits his partner wants to be hit back, or brawl, he wants to dismiss, dominate and/or terrorize. Don't let him. Then you can determine if he is willing to communicate. If you hit him back and the violence continues, then he's a psychopath and you should leave him.

OP is dickmatized by the handsome actor.

[quote] What I said was "feed and walk the dog-it's the one fucking thing you do around here" then confronted him on his drinking. Yes, I was a dick, but we don't normally talk to each other like this.

Pfft ... That's all OP said? Actor BF didn't even apologize and people are recommending couple's counseling. If anything, OP should get individual counseling so he/she can move on with life.

Actor BF has not one, but two, problems: (1) violent and (2) alcoholic. Not worth the wait (time it takes to fix 2 major problems), IMO.

Sounds like you have already made your decision to stay with your rationalizing and making excuses for his behavior. I don't see what you need us for.

Well I'd rather my man would hit me Than to jump right up and quit me 'T ain't nobody's bizness if I do, do, do do

I swear I won't call no copper If I'm beat up by my papa 'T ain't nobody's bizness if I do, if I do

[quote]r132 You should have hit him back, OP. Same sex relationships are different.... there is no inherent shame, or corresponding inhibition, to one man hitting another.

This is true. By not hitting back, OP was, in essence, emasculating his partner, treating him like a fragile piece of china.

This can be very wounding. OP owes him an apology.

Just don't piss him off anymore and everything should be fine. You shouldn't have said something like that to him and made him feel like a lazy, useless piece of shit. Especially since I am sure it isn't even true.

I thought maybe OP told handsome actor BF, "No wonder your mother abandoned you." All he did was call him a lazy ass and alcoholic, both of which are probably true.

R137 = OP's husband/OJ Simpson

Do you live in a super high rise? Get him to accidentally throw you out da window. That'd be grand.

[italic]I don't know why I should / He isn't true / He beats me, too / What can I do?

I say stay together and don't ruin two other peoples lives.

Did it feel like a kiss?

This post is useless without pictures.

OP's future is at the 2:00 mark

OP's got me profiling guys in TV commercials. I really need to get out more.

Is he bigger than you?

If he beats your mussy like he beats your face, you should be grateful.

You should start looking for a new guy...but don't leave until you find your next meal ticket.

OP, my family went through this with my sister. It is NOT your responsibility to work with him on his anger issues. It IS your responsibility to keep yourself safe. If he loves you, let him do the work he needs and earn your trust again but you need to leave him for now.

One strike and you're out, is my policy.

That's a line that, once crossed, can never be undone.

Way harsh R142.

OP Is this your couples song?

[quote] r127 It reminds me of Janice on the Sopranos. Richie Aprile hit her ONCE and she went into her bedroom, came back with a gun and capped his ass. None of that counseling or second chance stuff. ONE TIME and that was it.

TL:DR, but counseling and cessation of drinking, no exceptions.

You don’t have to take this, OP! Cuz we’re The Rowdy Girls, remember?

Empty the joint bank account and get the hell out. Put a lien on your ass it before he knows anything about it and get the hell out. Tell him you’ll let everybody know what he did an end his career if he bothers to pursue you. Get the hell out.

Counseling is fine after you have all of the money.

I speak from experience: staying with somebody who hits you will destroy you, OP. It’s a line that can’t be uncrossed. You’ll be forever waiting for the next one, and when it does - you’ll excuse that too. And before you know it you’ll be making jokes to your colleagues about how you’re such a klutz for having walked into that door.

Punch and delete.

I spent years living with an alcoholic that was really sweet, except for when he was drunk. When he drank, he was mean.

As time went on, he was drunk more and more often and got meaner every time. When we finally broke up, I couldn’t believe I had put up with all that shit for years. It’s like the story about the frog being put in the pot and slowly turning up the heat. You don’t realize how bad it is until you leave.

My advice is, don’t waste years of your life dealing with someone who is going to waste your time because he USED to be nice. He WAS nice, now he’s a domestic abuser. Some people are just affected by alcohol in a way that all their pent up resentment comes out when they’re drunk. You can’t do anything to change that. If he wants to keep drinking, it’s only going to get worse.

I hear you talking about your nice house. You’re gaslighting yourself into thinking it’s not that bad because you’ll never live in such a nice house again. Just remember, when he gets into legal trouble because he drives drunk, or gets into a fight with you or somebody else when he’s drunk, all your community money will go to legal bills. He could be fired and unable to find work, he could decide to quit paying bills and spend it on partying like my ex did. One day you could find out he hasn’t paid the bills for months, like my ex. Then what?

The two options aren’t leave or everything stays the same. The two options are leave, or everything gets worse no matter what you do, because it’s on him, and you can’t stop it.

What’s happening is your mind is in denial that things have changed. A drunk who’s acting out violently is only going downhill from here. Alcoholics don’t spontaneously get better without changing anything. They get worse. And if you think you can make him stop drinking somehow, or he will value your relationship more than booze, boy are you wrong. Drunks care about drinking more than their partner, job, house or anything else. They just fool themselves that nobody notices. Everybody notices, at work and everyplace else. My partner’s coworkers all noticed. He lost jobs and promotions because of it, so the bosses noticed too. And his looks went. In acting, that’s a dealbreaker. The older you get, the less shit they’re going to put up with. There’s always somebody younger with less baggage.

You can live someplace else. It may not be as fancy, but there is nothing fun about living in a beautiful home where there is constant anxiety and drama. It’s not good for you. Your health and well-being aren’t less important than a house. Either he (sounds like both of you) need to stop with the heavy drinking or it’s just going to be a train wreck. If he’s an alcoholic, he can’t cut back, he needs to quit. “I’ll keep it to three drinks” means nothing.

Did it feel like a kiss?

Are you becoming a nag, OP?

Not that a nag deserves a punch, but do you want to be that annoying naggy shrew?

It happened once with my boyfriend, and that was over 30 years ago. We got past it. We were young and dumb and had a volatile relationship. We've since grown up, and I can't imagine it now.

I'm concerned that you worded it this way: " interestingly enough, he called me a victim before I got hit. "

You got hit. Not "he hit me."

Leave.

I can help OP, give me a buzz.

- Ben U no who

R163, does your boyfriend drink alone the day?

^^during^^

Gurl. This is Datalounge!!! Tell us about the MAKE UP SEX!!!!

Does he emotionally abuse you as well? Sometimes that’s worse but any abuse is a red flag. Personally I’d dump his abusive alcoholic ass.

Violence is never a solution, but if I were you I would have given the fucker a swift kick in the bollocks. If any man raised his hand to me it would be game over. I hope it doesn’t happen to you again, OP. x

You’re both trash. Who cares what you do? You may as well move to a Trump state and start wearing MAGA hats.

You both need AA. Get a Big Book and start reading OP.

I wouldn’t necessarily leave over infidelity, but I absolutely would over this. You put your hands on me, and we’re done. Whether we’ve been together 30 days or 30 years.

[quote]Put a lien on your ass

This is a legal/financial strategy I have never been aware of!

[quote]I think I deserved it

No one deserves to be hit.

So let me get this straight:

You’re coming onto DataLounge (of all places) looking for sympathy/validation for the unexpected consequences of an altercation that you initiated?

NEVER hit an abuser back. Diall 911, report that shit and get out or just leave, as in have a bag ready to go. Anyone dealing with emotional or physical abuse needs to have a bag packed and ready with a charged up phone (get a burner for this), emergency cash, credit cards under your name ONLY, and a separate bank account. If you have a joint account, start socking away a little bit here and there until you have enough to be safe somewhere overnight or for a week if necessary....this is the interim money.

You hit back and you risk being arrested. R98 got lucky. He could have been charged with assault and battery and gone to jail. It's tempting to do this, but it's not wise.

OP, get out. It's that simple. Do not go back into the relationship. If you want to continue, don't move back in unless you both receive counseling. If he doesn't want it, you go alone, but make it clear you want nothing to do with him until he agrees to get help. If he wants back in, he'll go along with the conditions.

Here's the worst part: it's over. Whatever you had before this is gone. The trust will have to be rebuilt and the trauma you both endured in this will have to be addressed in order to move forward.

Where is OP?

[italic]WHERE IS OP ? ?

R178 getting bashed around by his blatino husbear

Hit me in the morning

Then just walk away

We don't have tomorrow

But we had yesterday

[quote] You hit back and you risk being arrested. [R98] got lucky. He could have been charged with assault and battery and gone to jail. It's tempting to do this, but it's not wise.

Assault and battery is off the table for male same-sex relationship unless there is grievous injury or a weapon was involved. No chance a prosecutor is going to waste tax dollars because a man was slapped by his husband. The police wouldn't even make an arrest.

What is the problem OP? Just wear big sunglasses to cover the black eye and a scarf around your neck to cover the bruises. It’s pretty basic hon.

Post nudes.

Did it feel like a kiss?

R166, Neither of us do.

Are there any updates on this?

He dead.

Off topic, but a while back my partner and I had gotten in a pretty bad verbal fight. We were driving and wallowing in the post blow-up silence. I don't have a violent bone in my body, but I do NOT like to get touched unexpectedly. My partner knows this very well. Especially after a row.

So, my partner, with no warning, reaches over to touch my shoulder. Normally, I might jump a bit, but I was pissed so this time I grabbed his hand and flung it off me. He screamed abuse. I just rolled my eyes. Touch me without asking and my response is valid, no matter what I do.

I'm alive, we're fine, I let him know this can NEVER happen again. Maybe I'm a doormat but I do love him and I'm trying to believe it was a one-off. Thanks for being your bitchy selves and thank you for the advice. I've asked him to slow down on the drinking and I'm not drinking at all.

Good luck to you. There's no absolutely right answer so go with your gut, now and as things unfold. Two strikes, he's out, would be my advice. But I completely understand your course of action.

[quote]r188 So, my partner, with no warning, reaches over to touch my shoulder. Normally, I might jump a bit, but I was pissed so this time I grabbed his hand and flung it off me.

Well, that's smart to do in a moving car.

Idiot.

Did he hit so hard

that you saw STARS?

I've already admitted (somewhere upthread) that I hit my boyfriend. He abrubptly told me he was going to be packing his bags,and moving back to Cleveland. I just punched his arm (not that hard)and asked WTF? That was 35 years ago. There has't been any violence since then. I don't approve of it. He later joked about how he was just trying to get a reaction from me, so he told me something to get a reaction. He's like that, and I know it. He never brings it up, and I don't, either. I wish I hadn't fallen for it, since I still feel ashamed. I'm not some serial abuser, and my Dad would have beat me within an inch of my life if he ever heard I had hit any partner: he hated that more than anything. If Marvin had ever called my Dad or brother, I would have been in very deep shit: they are/were good men, who never played.

Just remember what Sir Noel Coward said: “ Some women should be struck regularly, like gongs.”

You pussies need to realize we are men. This is not between a man and a woman. It's not like a man beating up a woman. It's two men fighting.

Still doesn’t make it okay, R196. Most people want their home to be a place where they can relax, not be having physical fights with someone.

Physical violence is the last resort of a weak mind. I’d be more worried about his IQ than anything else. Being married to an intellectual dullard must be worse than a one time slap.

Or get nagged and bitched-out, R197.

R196 It's not two men fighting, it's a man slapping the guy he is supposed to love. If you don't understand the difference, you've got issues.

Hitting someone you're in a relationship with is never okay. It doesn't matter if it's a man hitting another man or even a woman hitting a man, abuse is abuse.

r102, that easy to say if you are say the Alpha Gay in the relationship. It's great that if a guy hits you, you can slap him back, but some dynamics aren't as equal. Some have physical, financial and emotional power over others in the relationship.

[quote] I'm alive, we're fine, I let him know this can NEVER happen again. Maybe I'm a doormat but I do love him and I'm trying to believe it was a one-off. Thanks for being your bitchy selves and thank you for the advice. I've asked him to slow down on the drinking and I'm not drinking at all.

Good luck, OP. And hang on to those empty champagne bottles just in case you have to break one on his head.

OP what did you do to provoke him to hit you? Seriously?

Would it have killed you to have at least posted a picture or link OP? I mean would that have been so hard? Would it? Why don’t you try to think more of others next time before you post?

HIT HIM BACK!!!

I hope he hits you again.

Some people on this thread are saying that two men can get into a physical altercation but a man and woman cannot. I infer this is because men are supposedly of the same physical stature.

OP didn’t mention his specifics, but remember we all come in various shapes and sizes. My husband has 50+ pounds and 10 inches on me...I’m sure as hell not fighting back just because we’re both men. First, I’d have to get a step ladder, and then a firearm to stand a chance!

Also, parts of this post have the makings of an EST thread, but I would much rather err on the side of caution and compassion than the side of sarcasm...

OP: He may well be cheating on you, and forcing your hand to leave.

Follow him. Everywhere.

Good for him, you whiny frau! Perhaps if you didn't talk so incessantly like a Valley Gurl, he wouldn't have to hit you

R207 why don’t you shut you filthy whiny ass mouth. You sound like a goddamn mug cradling frau if I ever heard one. Men can fist fight each other just fine. OP is definitely just a pussy that probably got beat up on the play ground and I bet your stinking cry baby ass did too.

Well, R210. That was quite the little outburst. You feeling okay after that one?

All I’m saying, if my husband ever got mad and hit me, there is no way I am hitting him back (even if I was an aggressive person). He quite literally could snap my neck. It isn’t an option for all men to get into a physical fight with every other man. That would be an instance in which I would do whatever he wanted me to do in the short term and then I get out when he’s not around.

Take a Xanax and chill, man. It’ll all be okay.

R210 So, what, real men beat each other up? Were you raised by wolves?

You sound like a particularly dim Neanderthal with masculinity issues.

R212 Yes men do get into physical altercations. You are just a prissy .

OP’s husband has joined the conversation at R213.

Hit him back with a frying pan! Works like a charm.