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Fancy Titles for Shitty Jobs

I have to laugh at the fancy job titles they give shitty jobs to make them sound more appealing. Here are two of the most laughable I’ve seen:

Environmental Services Tech = Janitor

Sandwich Artist = Worker at Subway

Any other examples you’ve seen?

by Anonymousreply 53October 18, 2019 3:06 AM

Brand Representative - shopbottom

by Anonymousreply 1October 11, 2019 9:03 PM

Commercial sex worker = hooker/whore/prostitute

by Anonymousreply 2October 11, 2019 9:06 PM

Agency Coordinator = Receptionist

by Anonymousreply 3October 11, 2019 9:12 PM

Customer experience advisor - Call centre in India

by Anonymousreply 4October 11, 2019 9:20 PM

Executive Assistant = Secretary

by Anonymousreply 5October 11, 2019 9:21 PM

Customer interface executive = receptionist

by Anonymousreply 6October 11, 2019 9:24 PM

Actor = really a waiter

Influencer = worthless POS who makes social media posts and attracts idiot "followers" who have no brains in their heads

by Anonymousreply 7October 11, 2019 9:24 PM

Quality assurance assistant = person who reviews and edits our Ms-word reports at work

by Anonymousreply 8October 11, 2019 9:26 PM

Concessionaire = pops and sells popcorn at the movie theater.

by Anonymousreply 9October 11, 2019 9:27 PM

Barista

by Anonymousreply 10October 11, 2019 9:28 PM

Sanitation Engineer = trash man

by Anonymousreply 11October 11, 2019 9:29 PM

Second R10. You pour coffee. Doesn't take a PhD to operate a coffee machine, no matter how many bells and whistles it has.

Human Resources...Feel sorry for a lot of them who have to sort out the shit that other people get into in the workplace.

Vice President of the United States...Let's face it. You're picked because you lost the primaries. Whoever is president chose you based upon a calculus that you will bring in votes (you won't except perhaps your home state), or that you will add gravitas to the ticket (that's a laugh). You (no matter what they say) will never be that close to the president as a friend or advisor. You spend your days traveling to places for state funerals or to bolster policies that are really not yours. The POTUS probably won't die, so you'll never get the real job with the actual power!!

by Anonymousreply 12October 11, 2019 9:42 PM

associate = clerk

by Anonymousreply 13October 11, 2019 9:43 PM

When a self-employed/ freelancer/ small business-owner calls him or herself the CEO. Nothing screams amateur like business cards or a LinkedIn profile trumpeting ‘CEO’ for a self-employed toilet-scrubber with no employees, much less other executive officers to be "chief" of.

by Anonymousreply 14October 11, 2019 9:50 PM

Present Flotus : whore

by Anonymousreply 15October 11, 2019 9:59 PM

President Donald Trump. If that's not a shitfest, I don't know what is.

by Anonymousreply 16October 11, 2019 10:04 PM

Urologist (pee doctor-- GROSS)

by Anonymousreply 17October 11, 2019 10:05 PM

Director = in charge of a few people

by Anonymousreply 18October 11, 2019 10:07 PM

At the college where I teach, departmental secretaries first became "administrative assistants" and now are "academic coordinators."

by Anonymousreply 19October 11, 2019 10:14 PM

Professor: Academic Support = Librarian. OK, it's not that shitty in fact. At least we don't need to earn a PhD.

by Anonymousreply 20October 11, 2019 11:15 PM

Proctologist = ass doctor. A doctor of the rectum.

by Anonymousreply 21October 12, 2019 12:27 AM

Social Media Influencer = Whore

by Anonymousreply 22October 12, 2019 12:56 AM

I worked at a Subway sandwich shop in the early 90s. The title “Sandwich Artist” was obviously tongue-in-cheek and created for the benefit of the customers. No one who worked there gave that title a second thought.

by Anonymousreply 23October 12, 2019 1:02 AM

[quote] Quality assurance assistant = person who reviews and edits our Ms-word reports at work

Quality Assurance Auditor. And you should be very thankful that I'm there to correct all your mistakes

You're the worst one in the office

by Anonymousreply 24October 12, 2019 1:02 AM

Porn Star - Prostitute

by Anonymousreply 25October 12, 2019 1:03 AM

First Lady of The United States of America - Hooker

by Anonymousreply 26October 12, 2019 1:10 AM

Biohazard Technician = wearer of a white suit who cleans up human remains

by Anonymousreply 27October 12, 2019 1:24 AM

First Lady = retired prostitute

by Anonymousreply 28October 12, 2019 1:25 AM

Visual Stylist = window dresser

by Anonymousreply 29October 12, 2019 1:27 AM

First Impressions Manager - Receptionist

by Anonymousreply 30October 12, 2019 1:32 AM

Production assistant - factory worker.

by Anonymousreply 31October 12, 2019 1:34 AM

Apple Genius = Retail worker

by Anonymousreply 32October 12, 2019 1:36 AM

Executive Housekeeper = cleaner with supervisory responsibilities

by Anonymousreply 33October 12, 2019 1:41 AM

Nurse, teacher, cook, maid, chauffeur, personal assistant, animal wrangler, I'M A MOMMY

by Anonymousreply 34October 12, 2019 1:45 AM

Team member - no benefits minimum wage earner

by Anonymousreply 35October 12, 2019 1:52 AM

I didn't have my glasses on when I read this title and I thought it said: "Fancy Titties for Shitty Jobs."

by Anonymousreply 36October 12, 2019 3:03 AM

I remember a Judge Judy episode where the defendant was a Subway employee who was not supporting his child by his baby mama. When JJ asked the guy if he was employed and what kind of work he did he replied "I'm a sandwich artist at Subway". She looked at him and said "a what?". Then she looked at Byrd and said something to the effect of "you ever heard of this job before?". Byrd explained what a sandwich artist at Subway was and JJ looked at the guy and said "oy, I just can't with this - so, you make sandwiches for people". But you could tell she was thinking "what is this fool trying to pull?".

by Anonymousreply 37October 12, 2019 2:23 PM

"First Lady = retired prostitute."

We wouldn't be so sure about that.

by Anonymousreply 38October 12, 2019 2:28 PM

R14 What's worse is when housefraus put things like "Director of household responsible for shit diapers and finances" in their LinkedIn profiles. You're a housewife, honey,

by Anonymousreply 39October 12, 2019 2:29 PM

R39 Please tell me you’re joking about stay at home moms putting “Director of Household Responsibilities” on their LinkedIn page??? OMG how embarrassing.

by Anonymousreply 40October 12, 2019 10:42 PM

I'm not sure if they still do this, but TGI Friday's used to refer to their hosts as "smiling people greeters".

by Anonymousreply 41October 12, 2019 11:59 PM

R40 I'm not. I've seen housewives describe themselves as "Directors" and "CEOs" of their homes on LinkedIn and on Facebook.

by Anonymousreply 42October 13, 2019 12:23 AM

Associate = clerk, shelf stocker, laborer, etc.

Deliberately named as such to remind you that you're barely tethered to the brand and its business.

by Anonymousreply 43October 13, 2019 12:30 AM

Media Distribution Area Manager — 12 year old with a paper route

by Anonymousreply 44October 13, 2019 1:54 AM

If there's a middle aged woman who's 350-400lbs plus working for HR, get the fuck out of there,

by Anonymousreply 45October 13, 2019 2:18 AM

Not too many millennials commenting here, apparently, or you'd see a lot more of these. They've all had one.

by Anonymousreply 46October 13, 2019 2:23 AM

R37 My sister worked at a Subway in college and she said they drum "sandwich artist" into your head that she calls it that in her head over a decade later.

by Anonymousreply 47October 13, 2019 12:45 PM

president = thug, fraud, liar, con man, criminal, piece of shit

by Anonymousreply 48October 13, 2019 1:13 PM

Walmart greeter =deplorablel

by Anonymousreply 49October 13, 2019 1:15 PM

Scoopologist -- works at an ice cream shop.

by Anonymousreply 50October 18, 2019 2:27 AM

Domestic Engineer : Housefrau

by Anonymousreply 51October 18, 2019 2:34 AM

I'll never get past "mixologist". EVAH!

by Anonymousreply 52October 18, 2019 2:41 AM

My favorite from a résumé I read many years ago: "Aquatics Instructor." (Lifeguard)

by Anonymousreply 53October 18, 2019 3:06 AM
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