Let’s Be The First Wives Club

Is this better or worse than doing Sister Act?

I'd rather be with the other four Mrs. Buchannans.

I'm the difficult and forward-looking Birch choreography.

I'm a lesbian. A big one.

I’m Brenda’s size.

I am the dimples in Elise Elliot‘s ass that sacrificed fat to fill her ridiculously oversized lips.

I'm Monique's mother.

I am Kathie Me Gifford's microphone.

I’m the guests Elise claims to have had, who helped her consume a bin full of empty vodka bottles.

I'm the delightful bit of fluff that had a much more satisfying ending than the original novel.

I'm the original author, Olivia Goldsmith, lapsing into a coma and dying on the operating table during a chin tuck, a minor cosmetic surgery at age 55.

Good times.

I'm Sarah Jessica Parker. This is the hottest you'll EVER see me look.

I'm the salad dressing at Gunilla Garson Goldberg's penthouse. I'm absolutely restaurant quality.

I'm Heather Locklear...before the madness.

I am NOT Brenda!

I'm your House, your calling card if you will. I need to be perfected, photographed and published.

Duarto Feliz here; of course, I'm impossible to get. I work all the time!

I’m Diane Keaton’s line, “Well, I mean I supervise,” which I love and use in real life all the time.

I'm Bette Midler's incorrect line:

"How drunk do you think Cynthia was when she decided to do a jackknife onto Park Avenue?"

Cynthia jumped from The Pierre at 61st and Fifth.

I'm Ivana. I'm honored to be here, and I'll leave you ladies with a little advice...

"Stay out of le office."

I used to hear that a lot.

I'm Olivia Goldsmith aka Justine Rendall.

I'm a class-free dumpster woman.

I'm Gil Chesterton earning an extra buck as an understanding bartender.

And I'm SORRY!!

I'm sympathizing with the husbands.

I'm Ned from Friday the 13th. I've been reduced to a featured background artiste.

I'm Bronson Pinchot reading Bette Midler to filth for her on-set behavior

[quote]Alternately, Pinchot's "The First Wives Club" co-star Bette Midler didn't harass the actor as much as she did director Hugh Wilson.

"Bette Midler was such a b---- to him," said Pinchot. "While he was directing, she would be rolling her eyes, pantomiming with her favorite actors, and she made it very difficult...she was very unkind to him on that movie."

The karmic payback seems to be that Midler has never looked fatter and less attractive on film than she does in TFWC, particularly next to her slim and stylish co-stars.

Bette Midler is a legend and R28 is a hissy vapid queen.

I'm Bette Midler at R29.

We're social climbers on the rise!

I’m Goldie’s Oscar that says “I beat Meryl.”

I'm the much darker stuff they cut from the novel.

I'm the Lamborghini!!!!!!!

I'm a low-quality, top-cost appliance!

I'm YOUR SIZE

I'm Stephen Collins, hanging around The Spence School for Girls on my days off from filming.

I'm "Jackie O had one just like it! "

I just finished watching this.

Spooky.

I'm the Eurotrash that Maggie Smith refers to.

I'm the shoes that magically change in the finale so they don't fall over when they dance down the street

I'm the restaurant-quality salad.

I'm those insane loosely strung stair rails.

I'm THOSE LIPS 👄

I'm DL fave Billy Porter belting out Love Is On The Way during a montage.

You know they air brushed that picture, Bette hasn't been that thin since the baths.

I could see Elise's VPL in the finale.

I'm Of A Certain Age... with a 6:45 curtain time.

I am Bette Midler squabbling over her billing.

I'm the original ending when the girls show up at the Cynthia Swann Griffin Center the next morning to find it burnt to the ground since they forgot to blow out all those candles!

I am a snarky Buzzfeed writer

R51 wow, what a pathetic and useless "article" that was

R52 It’s Buzzfeed, what do you expect? It’s stupid “articles” written by privileged people who spend their lives complaining FOR privileged people who spend their lives complaining.

One of the worst movies ever made. Fuck off, OP.

It's a fantastic escapism movie, so go away, R54, you bitter pill.

When I was like 18, my ex lived in his mom's basement and the only movie down there was The First Wives Club. After sex we wouldn't want to go upstairs and get something to watch. Sex followed by The First Wives Club was how it went so many nights.

r54 Let's use this...

I'm Guns 'N Roses who Elise did NOT party with the previous night.

Are you real, r44? Can I touch you?

I am Loni Anderson who's pissed that Hugh Wilson didn't even consider casting me as Elise.

I'm Sisters Are Doin' It for Themselves playing over a montage that includes the main characters doing a silly coreographed dance routine.

I'm Elise's lesbian "friend" she made at the bar. We has a ONS and she has ghosted me ever since.

You half remembered it R61. They didn't do a choreographed dance during that montage.

An overrated FRAU movie.

I am Stockard Channing wishing I had some flashback scenes.

I'm SUCH pretty stationary.

I’m Marcia Gay Harden’s slutty psychologist character and her silky blouse.

I'm the medal awarded to the Diane Keaton character's husband for staying married to her for so long and not strangling the shrill, neurotic frau cunt that Keaton was. If he had hired a hit man to take the bitch out no one would have convicted him.

I'm Bette Midler's line about plastic surgery, "Did she have the whole Ivana?"

Which had to be dubbed, "Did she have the whole enchilada?" once Ivana agreed to do a cameo.

Let’s be a corny elderqueen who name-drops ancient drag queen culture for attention.

Let's be R70's studio apartment in a bad part of town.

i enjoy this movie when I want something fluffy on a rainy day. I read the book a long time ago but don't remember much about it but it bore little resemblace to the movie and wasn't NOT funny in the least.

Is it true that the actresses HATED working with each other?

I heard that is why there was no sequel -- because Goldie Hawn said she would never work with Bette Midler again.

I am the pavement.

A Nine-to-Five and First Wives Club double feature seems like it would be DL heaven.

I'm 49 years-old, the alleged age of the lead characters in 1996, having graduated from college in 1969, presumably about 22 years-old at the time.

I'm not the future pissy little boys that R70 runs into when he's 49. I started visiting Datalounge the year after this movie was released.

I'm the "District Attorney" phase of her career that Elise is in, having aged out of "babe" but being still too young for "Driving Miss Daisy".

I am Lily Tomlin who would have been a good cameo appearance.

R78 I would of but Bette’s a Cunt.

I'm Heather Locklear, who at 36 seemed slightly long in the tooth to be playing Gil Griffin's hot new piece.

I am the lack of features on the DVD.

R81 I’m Bette ruining the DVD by refusing to do commentary.

For some reason Im not in this movie

R83 there were no black roles, that’s why.

I'm SJP's nipple that gets a little action in church during her boyfriend's wife's funeral.

R85 um no that’s Locklear.

I'm Muhammad. Traumatized by those lips.

I'm R85. I've never actually seen this movie.

I'm the questionable casting choices. SJP, for instance. As though any man who wants to leave a nagging shrew like Bette Midler would settle for a whiny harridan like SJP.

I am Goldies platypus lips...I had yet to find her in 1996

I am 2019 and I am appalled women that acted as if their lives were over because their exes found another woman just a bit over 20 yrs ago

"There are only three ages for women in Hollywood - Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy."

R921, settle down. It was a movie. Unclutch.

R91 FF the Frau

Thanks R20. I had forgotten what Ivana looked like with only one chin.

I am Jean Kasem feeling oddly possessive watching this movie.

I'm Bette Midler's mugging and scenery chewing that is still more bearable and less annoying than Diane Keaton's shrill frau yelps and cutesy getsures.

I'm the forty minutes cut including John Stewart's entire story line being Elise's younger boyfriend.

I'm Goldie Hawn's hand that gets caught in Keaton's coat belt in the finale and I'm Goldie's shoes that magically change from stilettos to more sensible heels when she walks out to door to the cobblestone street.

I am the lack of diversity.

I'm Mark Linn-Baker, seething with jealousy.

I am Bette Midler's menopausal hormones.

I scare the dickens out of the director.

I'm the hairdresser responsible for Gunilla Garson Goldberg's weekly wash, rinse, set and comb out.

I order Aero-Lak by the case since UES is full of society matrons with Jackie O bouffants.

I'm Jason Cushman. I'm going to grow up to be a major fagala.

I’m the StairMaster that helps Elise burn off the booze and come up with great ideas.

I'm Ludwig. I wrote the blonde one a song.

I’m Shelley Winters. I should be Monique’s mother.

I’m the middle aged man in a vest, schtupping my wife in the afternoon and we think Elise Elliot LOOKS GREAT!

Did anyone here know Olivia Goldsmith aka Justine? I'd love to hear what you remember.

I'm Sean Connery. I'm 300 years old, but I'm still a stud.

I'm Sean Connery, and I'm Uniquesh BOYFRIEND. Two hundred yearsh old and I'm SHTILL A SHTUD!

I'm the long-suffering Maurice, the bartender. My other gig is Gil Chesterton, food critic.

R112 how the fuck did I never notice that?

I'm the scenery. There isn't a square inch left unchewed after that shrew Diane Keaton chewed me to bits.

I'm Gunilla Garson Goldberg's fork.

I'm Bette Midler's huge chunk of waist removed from her body in that Photoshop disaster of a poster that makes her look like a dwarf.

R116 she has a waist who knew?!

R117

Bette does not have a waist.

Photoshp has it.

I am the license of the shrink that should have been revoked.

I am pedo Stephan Collins' luxuriant hairy chest.

I'm a surprisingly excellent cover of "You Don't Own Me."

I Bette Midler’s boring and vanilla jokes that mad me miss ruthless people Bette