Let's Be the Movie 'Random Hearts' (1999)

I'm the unnecessary side-plot involving "Dutch" Van Den Broeck chasing down crooked cops, so the Harrison Ford fans wouldn't feel entirely bait and switched into seeing a Drama/Romance.

I'm director Sydney Pollack, casting myself as a supporting character in the movie, because that's what I do.

I'm Kate Mara, making my grand film debut. I may suck in my small role but I come from money so don't expect me to go away anytime soon, cunts!

I'm the gift wrapped jewelry case Kate Mara finds in her dead father's luggage, which has miraculous survived being submerged at sea without any visible damage.

I'm the Marketing VP, worried that my refusal to retitle the movie caused the film to bomb.

I'm Shyla, the tough talking black teen from the ghetto. I get to snarl cliched lines like "psh!" and "I don't gotta tell you nothin'!"

I'm Kristin Scott Thomas's passable upper crust, East Coast American accent.

I'm the chill jazz theme music.

I'm Bonnie Hunt playing the sassy bestie, a role I played again and again throughout the 90s.

WEHT me?

I'm the need to check landline voicemail from a payphone because it's 1999 and not everyone uses a cell phone yet.

I'm 35...

OK, 37.

I'm the compassionate airline employees sent to tell people their loved ones are under water.

I'm the campaign shenanigans of the unseen Shirley Magnusen.

I'm the supervisor at Saks who tells Harrison, "look, I'd like to be helpful here..."

I'm first class. Apparently I'm not what I used to be. The Widow Chandler doesn't think I'm worth the money.

I'm the frantic, quickie make out session in Restricted Parking.

I’m the little Southern gayling who read the novel to promote the film because the title, black and white photo and Ms. Scott-Thomas, of recent English Patient accolades, made it seem so classy. Later rented the movie at Blockbuster. The book was better than the movie.

I'm the sneaky bitch who spilled chocolate milk all over her skirt and found her husband fucking some chick in the shower, so I ran out and never changed my filthy clothes....

^ That would be Molly Roll, the brisk, efficient coworker of the dead adulteress, who took charge in an emergency and got Mary Claire Clark's home phone number!

I’m Cullen Chandler’s clothing being taken out of the suitcase, freshly clean and dry in spite of the entire plane being submerged in the bay.

I am the crisis being managed by Molly Roll, the brisk, efficient Saks coworker.

I'm the rumpled bed sheets in the secret love nest apartment.

I'm the gold linked bracelet Cullen Chandler bought.... for his daughter's birthday....NOT! And he did NOT say "Miami..." He said, "New York."

I'm Scott-Thomas's mannered performance, I do not raise my voice. Ever.

"You'll never find what you're looking for. Never.

You wanna know why.

And there is no why.

Don't."

"Stop it, Dutch." [said in a whisper during a Harrison Ford mantrum]

...and then she was gone.

I'm bay scallops. I'll be forgotten about after Dutch calls from a payphone to check his answering machine.

I'm Peyton Van Den Broeck very expensive toiletries being unceremoniously tossed in the garbage bag.

I'm not needed anymore.

I'm Dutch's woodsy cabin. I'm where the jilted, widowed spouses enjoy their own sexy weekend in stark contrast to the brash, Latin-themed escapades their dead partners had planned in Miami.

I'm the utter lack of chemistry between Harrison Ford and Kristin Scott Thomas. And for that matter, between him and the beautiful, much younger actress who played his cheating wife who supposedly still lusted for him.

Harrison Ford never has chemistry. I saw him in a movie with Melanie Griffith, Working Girl, and he had none with her either. He's just not the sexy type.

I'm the suspended disbelief that the demure sophisticate played by KST, is a Congresswoman running for re-election.

Never say never, R30, see the chemistry with Kelly McGillis in Witness. But generally, I agree with you.

I'm the debut of Harrison Ford's hedgehog haircut

I'm Edie Falco in a bit part, just before The Sopranos takes off.

I'm the cup of coffee that gets poured down the drain as a sign of being offended, when Dutch asks the Latin photographer if he ever had an affair with his wife.

I'm the chic, all-black pants suits and skirt suits commonly worn by businesswomen in the late 90s.

I'm Sharon Stone. I lobbied hard for the female lead because I thought this movie would be a hit. I cackled when it bombed.

I'm the 1999 fall preview issue of Entertainment Weekly. I had this movie on the cover.

R38

Alternative poster

Ugh! That's a cringey pic ar r39!

Ford is always so smug and wooden. And he looks so much older than the lovely and charismatic KST.

R39 I forgot how bad the pic was.

I'm the suspended disbelief that the fug Cullen Chandler was a succesful womanizer.

I'm the mouthful of ham sandwich Harrison Ford is chomping on when he tells the sneering ghetto teen they "ain't got no lunch room."

I’m the $31M domestic gross on a $64M budget. Not quite the fall blockbuster I was anticipated to be.

Oh my God, I'm the plane that crashed.

I'm piano jazz.

I'm leather jackets, still a thing in the late 90s.

[quote] I'm the suspended disbelief that the fug Cullen Chandler was a succesful womanizer.

He was played by Peter Coyote.

Coyote Ugly.

I’m the fact that no one has ever heard of this movie.

I’m Susanna Thompson a no talent shithead!

[quote]I'm Sharon Stone. I lobbied hard for the female lead because I thought this movie would be a hit. I cackled when it bombed.

Random Hearts might have had a completely different fate if she'd been in it. Scott-Thomas can't carry a movie but Stone can, R37.

I'm the pre-9/11 vibe of the whole movie:

A plane crash that has nothing to do with terrorists.

Frequent, painless and convenient travel by plane in general.

The relative beginnings of the 24-hour news cycle.

I'm this movie being played over and over again on Showtime or Star or one of those second-rate movie channels on cable during the early aughts.

I'm KST playing a Republican and Harrison Ford playing liberal, when IRL it's the other way around.

I'm Brook Smith, I play one of the cheating wife's coworkers at Saks. A decade prior to this film, I was famously trapped in Buffalo Bill's murder pit.