Let’s Be An Episode Of Diner’s, Drive-In’s and Dives.

I’m every dish that turns out to be the best goddamn food he has ever tried.

I’m a greasy overstuffed sandwich being served to overstuffed Trump voting fatties.

I'm the eggs this supposed "chef" can't choke down but the often hilarious diner chefs love to make him, anyway.

I’m the capable, no-nonsense septuagenarian chef side-eyeing this screaming idiot.

I’m the word salad.

I’m the sunglasses that hate being on Guy’s greasy, sweaty back of his head. We wish we could stab him in his eyes.

....

I'm all the ugly, gaudy jewelry that Guy wears.

I'm the hamburger people come from miles around to eat. The local townspeople are so excited by this burger even though it just looks like a regular burger on two buns

I’m [bold][italic]F-L-A-V-O-R-T-O-W-N!!!![/italic][/bold]

I'm the restaurant owner who has probably never cooked a thing in his life and had to take a crash course from Pedro, the REAL cook, in order to show Guy how his specialty is made.

I'm the five bites Guy, "allows himself."

I'm also the racist and homophobic slurs he "allegedly," makes about people on set, behind their backs and to their faces.

I'm also The Food Network who will air this damn show for 6 straight hours daily.

I'm the cook's creation, just after I have been completed. I'm cringing because I know, any second now, this greasy half wit will stick his filthy, bare hands into me to get a taste.

R10 yes! Love it.

I’m the restaurant owner who pretends to make their ‘signature’ dish. They have to keep doing retakes, because it’s really the underpaid chef that created the dish. Although, the underpaid chef comes in to ‘assist’ when the owner keeps screwing up the ingredients and/or the cooking technique.

I’m the gay chef that Guy refuses to even engage or film an episode of DDD.

I'm "Ferry," the family name, that was ditched by its most famous member since "Guy Ferry" is apparently not the name of a person that bros and babes want to watch on TV.

I'm the fact we never consider when bitching about Guy Fieri:

He goes around the country bringing national attention to Mom and Pop businesses that would otherwise be struggling in this economy.

R20 I’m the overly sensitive friend of Guy’s that feels like he has to stick up for Guy.

I’m the massive greasy watery dumps Guy takes five times a day.

R22,I’m the out of order sign that is placed on the bathroom door after Guy finishes filming his episode.

I’m the Tums.

So much Tums.

I'm several of Guy Fieri's chain restaurants that take patrons away from the Mom & Pop shops he apparently brings attention to.

I'm also the reviews of his restaurants that are hysterical.

I’m Guy’s overworking heart, praying he will stop forging himself. Tick Tock

"Peace, love and taco grease!"

R26 gorging - not forging. I had to fix the typo, before ‘Oh, Dear’ came to this thread.

I'm the extraneous apostrophes on OP's title

I'm one of the inarticulate locals...

"I've been coming here for twelve years because everything is real fresh. And the flavors here are real good. The flavors are good and everything is fresh. When you put together real fresh with good flavors it's, you know... Everything is real fresh and the flavors are real good. I like the way the flavors mix together with the other flavors and how fresh everything is."

I’m the wrecked car he accidentally drives into a restaurant because he is too busy screaming and taping his introductions.

I'm the fatty deposits in Guy's blood vessels. I have a bet with Guy's heart per R26 which of us will in the end kill off the SOB.

I’m the bite of disgusting food that Guy wants to spit out, but they have no time to do a retake, so he is forced to swallow.

Come on, R32, when has there ever been a bite of food Guy didn't want to eat?

R33 well, it’s true.

Eat this burger. Smell my pits. I outta take a shit

R36 oh my God, he really does look like a pig. He looks like a big mommas boy. You know the spoiled brat types.

I’m the violent rage that’s always there but mostly unseen.

I'm every bottle of peroxide he's about to meet.

R39 oh my God, that photo is not very flattering. That’s really sad.

I'm the bbq (colon) explosion sandwich which consists of pulled pork barbeque, mac and cheese, french fries, jalapeños and fried pickles which the douchbag eats over the prep table. All the sauce and ABC food falls off onto said prep table.

Guy will drop me on the floor as he runs to the bathroom five minutes after eating me.

I’m Guy’s camera man that tries to find the best angles so Guy does not look so fat. It’s an impossible task.

R40 Damn. Is that a muskrat on his head?

R42?

I'm Guy's hot son Hunter ( with bdf) who wonders who his real father is, since Guy is such a Neanderthal.

I'm the local being interviewed at a table telling us how this restaurant is a big deal for all the people in the area, how he came here with his parents and now he brings his chidren, followed by a close-up of a plate of whatever he's eating. He has a thick local accent and is always a prole who looks like he either just came back from fishing or is just about to go hunting. Snap-back cap likelihood >80%.

I'm Guy's hole. Imagine what I look and smell like.

I'm the mysterious lack of Mexicans working in these restaurants Guy visits...

As much as Guy disgusts me, I have to agree with R20. One of our local restaurants was featured on DDD several years ago. This place was really small but has pretty good food. They started off with about six tables inside a convenience store. As word started to spread, the restaurant started adding tables and taking over a larger part of the store. After DDD, business exploded and there were hour-or-more-long waits to get in. They eventually took over the entire store and then expanded the building to triple the dining room. And they just recently opened a second location which I anticipate will do as well as the original. So love him or hate him, his show is a boon to the mom-and-pops he features.

That being said, I have to admit that I haven't been to this restaurant in the last few years because who wants to deal with the hassle of getting in?

I'm the line of coke that Guy does before each episode, so that he can be "on" during taping.

Wasn't Guy know for some anti-gay behavior??? I though that was the case and whenever I hear his name I automatically think of that.

R45 you are fucking HIGH if you think that . . . [italic]thing[/italic] . . . is hot.

r49 "No one goes there anymore. It's too crowded."

[quote]I'm Guy's hot son Hunter ( with bdf) who wonders who his real father is, since Guy is such a Neanderthal.

I'm Hunter's invisible twin brother.

R49 I am Guy’s friend and I’m still trying to stay loyal and defend this arrogant asshole.

I’m Guy’s wife who’s happy to spend his money, but unfortunately suffers from ‘migraines’ and cannot have sex with him.

R55, I am in no way "Guy's friend". In fact, I don't even watch the Food Network just so I can avoid catching a glimpse of the pig. I just wanted to point out that a local restaurant that was featured on his show went from a being a small restaurant in a convenience store to a huge two-unit operation. And that was in no small part due to the exposure they received by being featured on his show. I'm sure that the same growth would have occurred if they had been featured on a different Food Network show. But it happened to be DDD.

Okay...this is fucking hilarious!

I'm his seething anger and self loathing that lies just below the surface.

I'm Flavortown.

R57 I’m still Guy’s friend who is now using excuses on why I am defending the pig boy.

[quote]I'm his seething anger and self loathing

...caused by having to drive a red car on the show.

I’m Guy’s laundromat who spends hours trying to get the poop stains out of his white undies.

I'm Guy's rage against his hairdresser. I started when Guy finally looked in a mirror.

I’m the the deep fryer that looks like the community pool in Flavortown.

I'm the grease from Guy's face that refills the deep fryer at R65.