Is this petty?

Bi but married to a man is not bi enough to worry about other women.

Additional info:

She didn’t throw any flirtation my way (I’m not as hot as husband, but I’m also not ugly), so I think she’s attracted to him and not just super flirty. I’m also totally gay, but not sure she knows that.

Oh, the drama. Your husband should dump your ass stat.

You were at the lunch too, and she could see that your husband prefers partners way more feminine than she could ever be. You’re safe.

Not petty. It's never a good idea for a husband, gay or straight, to have a super hot assistant.

Sorry, I call EST. Your husband travels a lot by your own admission? Why worry about a 20 something cute girl but not that he is boning every hot thing male or female he sees while traveling.

Either you are secure in your relationship or you aren't. If you feel he would cheat with girl what is to stop him from doing it when out of town? This has more to do with your own insecurities in the relationship and less to do with the girl.

[quote]She didn’t throw any flirtation my way

You’re not making the hiring decision and would not be her boss, so she was focused on sucking up to him.

He's already fucking her OP. The lunch was just a mind game.

If he's inclined to have sex with other people, whom he selects as his assistant hardly matters.

Frankly, you're probably safer if he does hire her since most companies have very rigorous rules, and he'd risk getting fired or Metoo'd if he made a move on her.

You should encourage him to hire her, then casually apropos of nothing periodically mention high profile MeToo cases of bosses accused of harassing underlings.

Not petty, just wise. How you tell him will depend on his personality - if he's the type to think less of you for being jealous or think of it as a challenge, don't tell him you're wary of this woman, find another way. If he's someone who's conscious of his image around the office, you might want to tell him that this person seems overly flirty or unprofessional (without revealing your personal fears) and that her behavior might set tongues wagging around the office.

I would be more worried if it was a super hot guy. Because men can't control their sex drive, and when there is TWO men, something always goes down in the handicap stall at work!

I've worked with several major companies and assistants never travel with their boss anymore. It's an extra expense and everything can be communicated via email and texts.

It's not 1968.

Nice try, OP.

I's there a subtle yet clear way you could inform her that he only likes it in the pooper?

How did you bag a bi hotter than you guy to marry you ?

are you a big dicked top?

Rich?

enquiring minds...

Hope OP is posting from the gym while doing squats as it looks like she now needs to keep her game tight 24/7.

Better do some extra sets today, OP.

What would "Mother" do!

^^?

R7 He is talking about Mike Pence and his wife who he calls mother. She won't let Pence alone with any women.

So a few things.

1. I know this isn’t the 60s. When he travels he does presentations, so there are often five or so people from his office that travel.

2. I know DL as a whole is convinced all men cheat, but I really don’t think he ever would. We’re solid and have been for a while.

3. I don’t want to sound petty, I just don’t like that they’d be together so often. His last assistant was great, but she was an older woman who was also happily married.

Also, R14, no. I don’t fit that description. Sorry! Your post makes it seem like bi people have more inherent worth than gay people though, maybe work on that.

So a few things.

1. I know this isn’t the 60s. When he travels he does presentations, so there are often five or so people from his office that travel.

2. I know DL as a whole is convinced all men cheat, but I really don’t think he ever would. We’re solid and have been for a while.

3. I don’t want to sound petty, I just don’t like that they’d be together so often. His last assistant was great, but she was an older woman who was also happily married.

Also, R14, no. I don’t fit that description. Sorry! Your post makes it seem like bi people have more inherent worth than gay people though, maybe work on that.

How long have you two been married, OP? How long ago was he last with a woman?

This was a rejected plot line in Mad Men. They hired that old Jewish who died at her desk, right?

Beware op! Pretty always beat petty.

R21, we’ve been married for four years. We’ve been together for seven, so it would be some time before that.

This is like a Sixties sitcom plot. You're worried your hubby will run off with his secretary.

What you could do is march into the office and let her know what's what in front of just everybody! Tell that little minx that if she tries to use her bodacious ta-tas to try to marry her way out of the secretarial pool, you'll scratch her eyes out!

R1 This is Petty. https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/5a/Tom_Petty_Live_in_Horsens_%28cropped2%29.jpg

If not her, then it'll be someone else.

Sounds like a combination of trust issues and insecurity on your part. What happens if he finds another candidate and he/she is also attractive/flirty? How many times can you axe his options?

Maybe instead that talk with your husband and not worry about the assistant.

OP, You in danger gurl!

I don't think "tactile" belongs in the office. Tell him so. I know the lunch was out of office, but tactile towards a future boss? Someone with a decision to make? No girl. Tell hubs that tactile is tactile....it won't sit well with other employees. In fact, it could make her targeted. Good Luck, OP.

Yes it would be petty, and childish. That's his job which you have no involvement in. It's none of your business who he picks.

OP, you lost me at 'Husband is Bi".

In case anyone's wondering what's on my ipod today

Those people telling OP it is none of his business, his husband apparently asked him to come and give his feedback. Therefore, in part his decision.

The flirty assistant should NEVER be touching a colleague unless accidentally or a handshake. She's really inappropriate and if your husband is such an EXEC he should know that. Remind him she is tacky and not a good choice. She probably gossips, too!

I think it was inappropriate for your husband to invite a job candidate to lunch with his spouse.

The feedback from OP was limited to an opinion on how she interacts with others.

Not to whether or not she was going to blow him before the entrees arrived.

What R12 said. Taking a job prospect out for a social lunch with the hiring supervisor and his spouse is also wildly inappropriate these days. Cute roleplaying as Betty Draper, OP, but this has poorly plotted EST written all over it.

If the husband isn't confident or experienced enough to pick his own assistant he doesn't need to be in that job.

Something does not add up here. Why would she be travelling with him?

She is not even hired, and yet you and he took her to eat?

I doubt that any of this is true, but if it is, it should be crime for a loyal, dedicated employee lose out on a great opportunity just because of an insecure, piece of shit like OP who has too much time on their hands.

If your hubby hires the flirty assistant and she takes oral "DICtation" a few times a week, it could free up your time OP, for a class in Ikebana or creative writing.

OK, my take. If it's going to eat you up every time you know he's working late with her, or has to go out of town with her, you may as well speak up now. Cut to the chase. You won't be doing him any favors if you keep your mouth shut now, but stew in jealousy or anger over and over again. I love my BF very, very much, and I know he can be jealous at times. I know what it feels like, too, and I won't do anything to stoke the fires.

Tell him you won't be happy unless he chooses a big ol' bull dyke for his assistant.

Hire an old Jewish lady, I'm telling you. At least they're competent.

The only thing I would say, if this were true, is *knock of the touching and flirting*.

In any company, today, that's a red flag issue with HR. Period. Don't do it. That's a career ending move. No company will risk the potential for litigation. Your husband clearly lacks any damn sense that this is an employee who he supervises. This means if Little Miss runs to HR that he made a move, he's fucked. It doesn't matter that he's gay or bi and in a relationship. There's a cloud over him because he failed to stop the inappropriate conduct from the beginning.

The appropriate steps now are for him to have HR provide training on sexual harassment they both attend to ensure legal cover. Find out the company's policy on fraternization and ensure they both sign it.

No, this does not involve you. If you were to go to HR - they're likely to fire both of them. If your husband refuses, well you probably have your answer: he's already fucking her.

Either way, he's going to have an assistant. You can drive yourself paranoid with fear he's going to fuck a super hot assistant. Oh well. Do you have anything else to do all day except stew in your own juices?

That's not how businesses work, OP. You wouldn't be in attendance at lunch with a prospective hire. Under no circumstances would that happen.

Are you our Trucker Fucker EST troll? Or, our the 'well-endowed, rich, older' married guy who just found out his red shoed husband is cheating on him for the third time EST troll? Both, right?

Read a book or make a real life friend, OP. Your scenarios and follow-ups are horrible.

Yes, if he hired a Jewish lady she'd be competent and she'd take care of him like his mother.

I’m not quite sure what is missing. I wrote the original post hastily, maybe I need to clarify.

My husband’s assistant is leaving, there is an opening for that position. Another exec (who my husband is taking some responsibilities from) is retiring, the idea was floated that this existing assistant change roles. They travel to do trainings. Since she has been in the position before, she would go with them to the first few and then ease off, but they also have industry conferences to attend. By no means do they travel often, but it does happen.

Today’s lunch was for most of their team and some other retired people/spouses for a retirement celebration, that’s why she and I were both there. This was NOT a job interview! We just sat on either side of him and I got a feel for her and didn’t like it.

He's going to fuck her. There's not a thing you can do about it.

Maybe she takes it in the butt. Do you, OP? Do you take your hot EXEC bi boyfriend's big schlong in your love tunnel? Do you giggle and say how naughty he is before you turn into a sweaty greedy bottom sow screaming YES YES YES

Petty? No. Sad? Yes.

If you don't trust him, this is not just about this one woman, it's about your relationship IMO. And maybe you have a reason not to trust him, so maybe you guys need couples counseling? And your opinion that she's too flirty is a worthwhile opinion to share because maybe she'd be too flirty with clients as well. Also, I think a lot of spouses would be annoyed with someone flirting with their mate; it's pretty normal to find that annoying. She doesn't really sound like the right assistant maybe and you're picking up on her inappropriate behavior. You can tell him about it and not make it about your being jealous but that you thought she wasn't professional enough in your opinion. He's obviously happy to be with you or you wouldn't have been there at all, right? Anyway, good luck.

Stear clear of your husband's business decisions. This would be an entirely different matter if you both were running a small business together. If I were your husband, I would resent you for it, and find you altogether less attractive in my eyes for being so insecure. I also would possibly feel manipulated by you. I cannot imagine how the marriage has lasted this long if you think this normal, or even possible as a request. Do you keep your husband's balls in a jewelry case in your bureau?

OP, are you a lesbian? This screams “dyke drama”.

Her coming onto him like that makes her a liability to the company if she ever gets jilted and declares sexual assault. Take that angle with him OP saying she could destroy his career with a single tweet. I notice you didn't mention his reaction to the flirting.

Only read the title of the thread, but yeah OP, you are petty.

wait. looking at this thread with fresh eyes...

OP says his husband would never cheat but yet he's worried about the secretary?

No he's not going to fuck her. Because like all self claimed bi-sexual man, he's really just a big ol' homo trying to make himself look a little bit above the common queer.

So petty and gross. This scenario is made up. I can't believe that anyone is taking OP's ridiculous story seriously or is even humoring him.

This thread will probably get to 600 posts and spawn countless sequel threads. Weird.

Call me a stoopid old stodge, but if lunch was really an extension of a job interview and she was auditioning by flirting and touching inappropriately -- especially in front of you -- that would be a BIG RED FLAG about her suitability for the job.

This will end in tears.

What r56 said.

If he knows you’re jealous, he’ll use it to torment you. Don’t show your hand, OP.

She could have just been acting extra girly because she knew she was having lunch with two guys she figured were gay anyway.

Not petty. Put your foot down OP.

No update yet? Has OP fucked with this innocent woman's career yet or not?

I agree with R1. The kind of bi guy you need to worry about would not marry a guy.

Why does he need to see how she "interacts outside the office"?

You lost me at “husband is bi.”

BLOCKED

Okay, so I talked to him tonight. He said (I hadn’t even brought it up) that she was out of the running. I guess he didn’t really want her to begin with but agreed to sit next to her at lunch to make it look like he was making an effort.

He already brought up the arm touching and that stuff with the others who were at the lunch, they said she does that often but they don’t see a problem with it! They’re going to transition her to another department, it sounds like.

Also, I told him I was a little concerned and he assured me he is one happy dude. I felt bad saying anything, but it was a great talk and I was glad it happened!

LIES and the lying liars who tell them.

Kill her! Simple and clear as day Op, you have got to kill her.