I have a NYC theatre audition on Wednesday

Go into the Broadway dedicated threads and ask, in case they don't look at anything else.

Oh, and you're a cunt.

Tell your boss at Olive Garden that you'll be back in time to help with the salad bar after the lunch rush.

Usher?

Ticket Booth?

Guy who puts up letters on marquee?

Fanny Brice's assistant?

Vivian Vance?

David Brooks joining us at r2. Welcome, Mr. Brooks. Show us on the doll where the salad bar hurt you.

Sing Out, Louise!

Dress for the job you really want, OP!

Bring your kneepads.

Or bring your fluffer.

Don't floss...but douche

Knock 'em dead!

I recommend Minnie Riperton';s "Loving You" as your audition number!

This should apply for you too.

What are you auditioning for, OP? Patti LuPone's toilet paper?

Break a leg!

Whatever you do, DON'T sing more than 16 bars. If you sing 16 1/2, you'll never audition in this town again.

God, what a cunty list that is, r11.

From r11's article:

[quote]Tread lightly when selecting material, primarily up-tempo songs from Jason Robert Brown’s Last Five Years & Songs for A New World’s.

But I'm only the 17th person that has sung "Stars And The Moon" in the last hour!

Practice stifling your gag reflex.

If you tell them you're Patti LuPone's biggest fan, that will get you to the head of the line.

I have no specific advice about theater auditions...but do send a hand-written 'thank you' note afterward, including something with your photo to jog their memory. Very inexpensive, and nobody else will do it, so you'll stand out. Shows you have manners and class.  Let us know how it goes!

Tell them Mandy Patinkin sent you.

You're auditioning to be a theatre? Have you tried Nutrisystem?

If you see Little Charlie Stemp at the audition, tell him he left his dance belt in my apartment.

Brush up your Shakespeare!...and go fuck yourself

Don't throw your salad.

Dip. Dip!

And take something off!

As you finish your stirring rendition of "Let Me Entertain You," drop your pants and present hole.

DON'T Fuck It Up!

Be yourself but also be confident.

I mean, there are thousand places on the internet with advice but this advice:

[quote]but do send a hand-written 'thank you' note afterward, including something with your photo to jog their memory.

From R19 is actually genuinely good advice that few people ever take. Keep it simple. Don't go all out. If you do it looks insane. Find some non-obscene way to make sure they know you are the person who sent it.

From my days working with actors in that capacity, so few people actually did it that I always (at least for a little while) remembered the ones who did. If you don't fit the role you don't fit the role but that doesn't mean they won't remember you for the next one or any little random projects they had going on.

From the other side of that when I did a lot of acting, I sent someone a note. Didn't get the part. However, I did get a random email about auditioning for a commercial from the person I met in casting. I didn't book that one either. I did, however, book the next one from them.

Stay hungry.

Empty your bowel at home. Drink half a glass of water 5 minutes before.

Can you get Beta-Blockers?

When you tell them you've appeared in 'three D,' don't tell them that is your apartment number.

When they ask for "head shots" don't give them a selfie of your dick!

Take some Beano before you go.

Neither confirm nor deny that you are homosexual!

Leggings. It is all about the leggings.

Buy yourself a fancy pair. Tighten up the derriere.

Do the nose with it. All that goes with it.

Connect. And resist the urge to rush. (Yep, I'm a working actor though more TV/Film than stage).

Present hole

Don't be surprised if you don't book the job. It's always a pleasant surprise when you do.

Is it in the legitimate theatre?

Yeah, R39 is right so just have fun with it. Be a pro but don't make it life or death. And remember there isn't an audition in the world that nerves can't help -- if you turn them into adrenaline.

Break a leg!

As you walk to the audition, recreate the opening of Mary Tyler Moore show.

[quote]As you walk to the audition, recreate the opening of Mary Tyler Moore show.

Which version?

Tell the casting team that Linda Lavin is your godmother and she's gonna be mighty pissed off if you don't get this gig.

See the wizard at Park and 73rd.

I love you guys. Tysm

OP, if you're male, sing "Corner of the Sky." If you're female, sing "Vanilla Ice Cream."

But only if you're auditioning for a musical.

See yourself already getting the job. This will take away your nerves and your confidence will Soar! It simply removes the fear of Will I or won’t I, because you already know you got the job. Fingers crossed, OP.

Tell them you are only interested in the "legitimate" theatre.

Along the lines of r47, don't think of it as an audition, but as of your final performance.

If you get to perform it again, great. If not, you gave your best performance in front of a (very small) audience.

Update, please.

How did it go, we are waiting with baited breath?

I still have my blindfold on, OP!

Bated.

Bump it with a trumpet, OP!

Stuff a 14" dildo down your jeans.

Any news?

It went really great thx. I was in the room for longer than usual and got several redirects.

[quote]and got several redirects.

Suck faster?

Less teeth?

Lick my balls?

Who am I anyway?

Am I my resume?

That is a picture of a person I don't know.

What does he want from me?

What should I try to be?

So many faces all around, and here we go.

I need this job, oh God, I need this show.

R58 no silly I presented hole

Update - I got a callback for next week!

Break a leg!

R61 Way to go!

Teeth whitening. Remember: acting... is attrACTing.

R64 if you do get your teeth whitened or any type of plastic surgery, do lot use Simon Cowell as an example.

R61 OP, what was your audition like? Did you sing? Dance? Do tell.

R61 1 song and 1 set of sides

Congrats, OP! We're all rooting for you. In return, you HAVE to thank DL in your Tony acceptance speech, deal?  (Did you send that 'thank you' note yet?)

[quote]Teeth whitening.

After reading R60, he might consider investing in some bleach.

Any song from FOLLIES!

Preferably in my living room.

And don't make plans, because I might ask you to sing the entire cast album.

Several times.

Will nudity be required? Hit the gym first!

R71 pictures please or it never happened.

R68 decided against the thank you note this time (although I have sent one or two for previous projects) because this casting director knows me well. It almost seemed too formal in this case. I will have to thank the dl in my bio at the very least lol

OP, let us know how your call-back goes!

I have no advice, but break a motherfuckin' leg!!

Please let us know how it goes. Sending good vibes out east.

Break a leg! And then break the other one! That way you can audition sitting down!

Break a leg. And Callbacks mean you did your job well so congrats.

(P.S. Thank you note for audition is too much but for a gig, sure, do it. You were right to do it after the first audition you ever had but now you don't want to look obsequious -- one of my favorite words and one I avoid being as an actor).

If the audition is for "Fiddler On the Roof", make sure your foreskin is rolled back and taped.

Pre-lube.

Pre-lube.

Broadway doesn't go for booze and dope.

So skip the audition, sweetheart.

Oh, and I already turned the part down.

When you accept your eventual Tony, OP, remember the little people on Datalounge who supported you in your acceptance speech.

Op, did you already go for your call back? I bet it’s tremendous stress for you competing for a role. I believe in you. You got this...

How do you deal with the pressure and stress of waiting?

Remember OP, not even a whisper about your homosexual ways to anyone!

[quote]Oh, and I already turned the part down.

Not before I did.

Callback went well? I guess? Who knows what they want as 1 of every type was there. I know 1 person who is going to finals and anither who got a hard no from agent. I called my agent this am and he hasn't heard one way or another yet...and casting said they would let everyone know either way. So hoping no news is good news. Stress eating right now ugh...

Good job OP, hang in there, I hope it happens for you and it’s everything you want. Is it a musical correct? Is it a chorusboy or featured actor part?

R86 I’m so proud of you. I’m not sure how you deal with the stress of waiting. Although, I believe in you.

[quote]Stress eating right now ugh...

Unless it was for a dancing hippo in Fantasia, put the food down.

R89 seriously, lmao. I bet OP is one sexy guy.

(((OP)))

R91 which one is OP.

Crickets here. I think I have to let go of it now.

It's for the best, OP. At your advanced age, dreams are foolish.

You need to clear your mind; go out and dowse yourself in anonymous sex.

This is the truly the tough time about being an actor. You've been on an adrenalin rush from the auditions, but this is now the not knowing period, where you don't know the timing of when/how they are making their decisions. Hopefully you'll get news soon. Good luck and try to stay busy as you look forward to your next audition.

R96 honestly, I could not deal well with the ‘waiting’ my patience is terrible, although as I age I have more of a ‘fuck it’ attitude. Either life works out or it does not.

Don't give up, OP, and especially don't obsess about not getting the part, because you still may. Instead, remind yourself that you did, in fact, get a call-back, so you clearly have talent.  Stay focused, persistent and positive.

I perceive your profession as a "numbers game" of sorts; ton of actors, far fewer parts, so audition for everything and something will gel. With each exposure you'll get better and more resilient.  Finally being cast in a show will then open many new doors for you.

This is analogous to finding the perfect guy; he comes along when you least expect him to!

OMG are we still condoling this hack?

You didn't get it.

R99 is jealous. He works as a greeter at Walmart.

Douche first.

R87 yes it was for a musical. I had to dance and dance is not my strength. On to the next one.

Congratulations. It sounds like you honored yourself in the room. All you can do is show up prepared. There’s a line from Camus, “I opened myself for the very first time to the benign indifference of the world.” Show business, like the universe, is indifferent. Whatever you can, take what you can learn from the experience, and move forward, otherwise forgetting all about it, knowing that if you didn’t book it, it has nothing to do with you. If you did, fantastic!

We don't do auditias or screen tests.

It's a numbers game, OP. I didn't book for over a year and then got a huge Guest Star spot on a network show (airing next week). Never give up.

R105 can we have a hint...

Ty R105 😘

All I can say (until I see it and make sure it's all there and turned out as well as I hope) is that I have scenes opposite a very cute blonde DL icon of sorts -- or at least the star of two DL beloved series before this one. And that he was very cool and even more hot in person. (Including a butt that we also got to see naked on screen before, though in a rather disgusting situation).

If you figure it out, please don't write the name, google search takes 'em right here of course. Though I doubt this guy would mind.

🤔🤔🤔🤔 R108

advice : get on Prep fast !!

[quote]If you figure it out, please don't write the name...

Let the games begin.

Good luck in your next job OP! Don't forget us when you make it! Come back to give us good gossip!