Hello and thank you for being a DL contributor. We are changing the login scheme for contributors for simpler login and to better support using multiple devices. Please click here to update your account with a username and password.

Hello. Some features on this site require registration. Please click here to register for free.

Hello and thank you for registering. Please complete the process by verifying your email address. If you can't find the email you can resend it here.

Hello. Some features on this site require a subscription. Please click here to get full access and no ads for $1.99 or less per month.

Datalounge Comedy Lounge: Jokes for the Caftan-wearing Crowd

Tallulah Bankhead walks into a bar. "Bartender, could I have one absolute dry vodka martini, olives on the side." She drinks it, and orders another one.

"Bartender, could I have one absolute dry vodka martini, olives on the side." She drinks it. She's a bit drunk, but orders again.

"Bartender, could I have one absolute dry vodka martini, olives on the side." She passes out drunk on the floor.

The bar closes. The janitor comes in, sees her on the floor, and fucks her.

The Next Day.

She walks into the bar. "Bartender, could I have one absolute dry vodka martini, olives on the side." She drinks it, and orders another one.

"Bartender, could I have one absolute dry vodka martini, olives on the side." She drinks it, is a bit drunk, but orders another.

"Bartender, could I have one absolute dry vodka martini, olives on the side." She passes out drunk on the floor.

The bar closes. The janitor comes in, sees her on the floor, and fucks her.

The Next Day.

She walks into the bar. "Bartender, could I Have..."

The bartender says, "I know, I know, one absolute dry vodka martini, olives on the side."

She pipes back up and says, "Oh no, dear, I don't drink them anymore. They make my cunt hurt."

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 8August 31, 2019 8:00 PM

She wouldn't have passed out on just three martinis. It would have taken 12.

by Anonymousreply 1August 19, 2019 6:09 PM

Yes it would’ve taken way more than three and they didn’t have Absolute in her day.

by Anonymousreply 2August 19, 2019 6:10 PM

R1 she was probably already drunk when she walked in the bar.

by Anonymousreply 3August 19, 2019 6:11 PM

Q: What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

A: The Holocaust.

by Anonymousreply 4August 19, 2019 6:27 PM

TB: "They used to shoot Shirley Temple though Vaseline. They should shoot me through linoleum."

by Anonymousreply 5August 19, 2019 8:16 PM

To an ex who blanked her in public: 'What's the matter, darling? Don't you recognise me with my clothes on?' And throwing money into Salvation Army girls' tambourines: 'Here you are, darlings! I know it's been a terrible season for you gypsy dancers.'

by Anonymousreply 6August 19, 2019 9:37 PM

What do mohels do with the foreskins?

Sell them to gays for chewing gum.

by Anonymousreply 7August 31, 2019 7:58 PM
Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 8August 31, 2019 8:00 PM
Loading
Need more help? Click Here.

Yes indeed, we too use "cookies." Take a look at our privacy/terms or if you just want to see the damn site without all this bureaucratic nonsense, click ACCEPT. Otherwise, you'll just have to find some other site for your pointless bitchery needs.

×

Become a contributor - post when you want with no ads!