Am about to be single for the first time in many years and am scared

you can drink as much as you want and fart in bed, OP

Are you that prissy sissy in Columbus? It's about time he dumped you, Kvetchella.

See, this is why people should force themselves to be alone for a few years before doing serious dating. I have no problem being at home alone. I still see friends and family and can do what I want.

I say get a pillow and scream and cry into it then think about beautiful things and things you are grateful for. A balance of grieving and grateful positive thoughts. You have to release the tension caused by the fear as well as the loss. If you get into a routine of letting go you will be free and healed. Being single is great once you've let go of the disappointment and you put more focus on joy and simple pleasures. Jack off a lot too.

It is the best thing that can happen to you. Feeling like you can’t be alone is toxic to yourself and to any relationship. You really need to be completely content and fulfilled independently. Happiness and fulfillment should never depend on someone else. Not sure how old you are, but at some point, we are all alone - so better make peace with it and learn how to be happy with yourself.

OP, don't waste your time trying to be friends with the ex. Use your time to take care of yourself now. Any more time wasted on your ex is tragic. You will only lose.

In a few years, if you happen on one another and are both well grounded in your new circumstances, then whatever. But not now.

How long term? How financially and legally entangled are you?

All my life, I believed that if I wasn't in a relationship, there must be something wrong with me. So not only did I get into a number of very bad relationships, I stayed in them much longer than I should have. After the last one, I was just done.

I've been single for 11 years now, and lovin' every minute of it. When I make decisions, whether major or minor, I don't have to worry about anyone's preferences but my own. I take vacations where and when I want to. I spend money on what I want, with no consultation or discussion. I've put on a few pounds, but I really don't care. I'm 60 and completely comfortable with myself, so to me, it doesn't matter one bit. I don't have to deal with anyone else's family (my own is quite enough, thank you). I do for myself, so I am rarely disappointed -- I clean up after myself, do my own laundry, etc. Everything I put down is exactly where I left it.

Don't get me wrong -- sometimes it would be nice to have someone who can come and get me if I'm in a car accident, or do things for me (mow the grass, perhaps) if I don't want to or don't have time. But I have become friends with many of my neighbors, and we all try to take care of each other. A neighbor watched my dog when I took a trip, and when she goes to Hawaii, I'll watch hers. Another neighbor who is stuck at home taking care of her invalid husband often invites me for dinner, and I do some shopping for her when she needs it.

As Hillary famously said, it does take a village. Spend time and do things with your friends. If they take your partner's side, go out and make new ones. You'll be shocked how happy you are being single -- I know I was. But I truly feel like I'm living the best years of my life.

Potassium cyanide works wonders for pussies like OP.

Physical stats? And pics would help.

I spent way to long pining for and forcing a Ltr.

I can do what I want, watch whatever I want on tv, still cuddle with my dog, or find a hook up if I want a little more that night.

Couplehood is overrated.

You're a delight r9. And how many people have left you?

Your long term relationship is about to end?

Do you have a relationship agreement with a target date to cease and desist?

You will be fine. Not having to answer to anyone is a nice thing. I hope you have a pet. Hang in there.

OP here. I'm 65, I look my age but am in excellent shape and am quite attractive (stuff I can say on an anonymous board that I would never say in real life). I am pretty wealthy; it's the boyfriend, who is younger, who has no money, but we never merged our finances -- this is my house, my everything -- he'll have to start again. He's the one who's cutting it off, btw, although he says he's doing it because I'm not there for him enough, I'm not warm enough, I want too much alone time, etc... Well, that's a simplified version. He'd have a different story.

Thanks for those above who've given good advice. I'd like to think I'll enjoy being along but I am scared of all the imaginary, silly things, like what happens if I get sick, or I need someone to take care of the dog, etc.

Also trying to decide whether to move to NYC or LA. Am not going to stay out in the country, where we currently live.

well, live and learn, OP, no more down on their luck hustlers/twinks. Maybe find someone who isn't younger and be a mature human being, on either coast.

OP, I don't know whether to feel sympathy for you or pity you for being so pathetic.

[quote] he says he's doing it because I'm not there for him enough, I'm not warm enough, I want too much alone time, etc...

And all of this is true, not true, what???

The fear of not being in a relationship doesn't even make sense to me. People really are m different, what's so scary about not being partnered up? Relationships can be exhausting.

I hope you have good friends, cultivate those friendships, maintain some sort of a social life and enjoy having so much freetime to do whatever you want to do. No compromising, live your life.

Instead of just being "very anxious" you may want to take some time to think through your anxiety to learn what it's really about and what you can do to relieve it.

For example, you may discover that you are anxious about being alone. OK, so what specifically about being alone makes you anxious? Is it the fear that someone might break into your home in the middle of the night and you'd have to fend for yourself? OK, have you considered an alarm system or owning a guard dog or a handgun for protection? If you pursue one or more of these solutions, you won't be anxious about being alone anymore.

Thinking through your fears and brainstorming potential solutions might help you cope and get on with a happy, fulfilled life.

I've been single and FB-only for many years and I wouldn't go back to monogamy. I have enough money I'm not afraid of being alone when I hit my "invisible" years.

shake your body down to the ground!

You sound interesting from your description above. I’m 49 and looking for companionship. I’m in nursing so I make my own money, but I’m not rich by any means and would like to enjoy the perks of living in a nice home and more frequent travel (I’m fine with Puerto Vallarta, although I would prefer Saints-Tropez) I’m 6’2”, white, chestnut hair, and work out regularly. Would you be interested in someone like me? 😇

R23 Sell it sister....

I was single for 9 years after breaking up with my ex of 13 years. I'm glad I had that time. It was at times lonely, but I started picking up hobbies that didn't depend on having someone else doing them with me. I started getting into cooking. I'd go for two hour walks. I eventually partnered up again, but I had much more of a sense of myself. I don't need to be with my current partner all the time. I'm fine with being alone every now and then. I still do what I want within reason. When you're with a partner, there always has to be give and take and compromise. But overall, I'm glad I had that long single stretch. It gave me excellent perspective.

Strap on a pair and tell the guy if you're not good enough for him he can fuck off.

I don't care for being entirely on my own and my dog doesn't lie and cheat as well as the ex did (and probably still does.)

I’m 38, never been in a relationship. Whenever I was interested in someone, the feeling was never mutual.

Best thing you can focus on? Accumulate wealth and money, and get a surrogate and egg donor and have a kid. That will most likely be more fulfilling than any romantic relationship. That’s what I plan to do.

To be alone and lonely are different. Embrace the alone part. Someone may come along. Date if you want. But wait for anything serious at least a year. Give you and yourself time to get acquainted. You’ll be a better partner if you do and a better person.

Jack off a lot or fuck around if you want. Healing takes time.

ARE YOU 20 AND A TOP?

You will be fine. Take time to grieve. But, not too much time. Learn to love your own company...

I have been single for about 10 years. At first I was scared too. I am 48. I have to admit it actually agrees with me. I don't have to answer to anyone, I can come and go as I please. I grew up in a dysfunctional family with a lot of yelling going on etc. It is nice and in my adult years I don't have to listen to that stuff. I do get lonely sometimes. It is much better than being in a dysfunctional relationship.

There are times when I think that being alone is the best possible situation -- then, as R29 says, I go from being alone to being lonely. And that's when it all breaks down.

I suspect some people just simply handle being alone better than others; I know plenty of people in horrible relationships who can never leave them because they can't bear the thought of not having someone else around.

Welcome to life as an adult. Couples are just children that want to blame the other for their misgivings, whether they will own up to it or not.

OP - congrats on not merging finances. Smartest thing you ever did. It’s the primary damage from ending a relationship. Proud of you for not being stupid enough to do that. He can go his own way and you have no reason to be bitter. And having money solves a lot of problems - and makes you attractive to a lot of people, tbh.

Definitely consider a move to the city. Much too easy to get lonely living in a house in the country/suburbs. I did and it eliminates so many small and big issues that contribute to feeling lonely and isolated. City life may not always be easy - but it is ultimately the best insurance against loneliness. You can always rent a house for the summer in the country. And spend winters in Wilton Manor or Palm Springs where you can meet lots of men in the same situation.

Cry is a river! Some of us haven’t been in a relationship in years!

It's pretty similar to when someone significant dies: Take extremely good care of yourself. Get a lot of rest AND exercise. Go slowly into forming any new relationships, and don't make any major decisions about job, moving, major expenses, etc. for a few months, at least. Been there. It IS scary, but you'll be fine. Might want to get all the locks changed. Not sure how acrimonious this is, but it IS his decision to end the relationship.

Sorry to hear OP. Join the rest of us single bums. I have been "single" for 4+ years, but in a really shitty "FWB" situation that I need to toss. Way more pain than fun anymore. The one thing that helps me get through is to have plans coming up whether they are travel, or outings with friends. Keep some kind of social life going. Go to the gym, get out for walks and exercise. Just take care of your health. I'm very content being single and independent but ultimately want to find someone to spend my life with.

Any update OP?