Two more re: Tallulah, R142
Tallulah was in Washington for a Democratic Party dinner honoring her "divine friend, Adlai Stevenson"... And during a long speech by some senator she had to go to the john, but found when she was settled in for the duration that there was no toilet paper at hand. "So I looked down and saw a pair of feet in the next stall. I knocked very politely and said: 'Excuse me, dahling, I don't have any toilet paper. Do you?' And this very proper Yankee voice said: 'No, I don't.' Well, dahling, I had to get back to the podium for Adlai's speech, so I asked her, very politely you understand, 'Excuse me dahling, but do you have any Kleenex?' And this now quite chilly voice said: 'No, I don't.'
So I said: 'Well then, dahling, do you happen to have two fives for a ten?'"
Then there was the drinking...
TB walks into a bar. "Bartender, could I have one absolute dry vodka martini, olives on the side." She drinks it, and orders another one.
"Bartender, could I have one absolute dry vodka martini, olives on the side." She drinks it. She's a bit drunk, but orders again.
"Bartender, could I have one absolute dry vodka martini, olives on the side." She passes out drunk on the floor.
The bar closes. The janitor comes in, sees her on the floor, and fucks her.
The Next Day.
She walks into the bar. "Bartender, could I have one absolute dry vodka martini, olives on the side." She drinks it, and orders another one.
"Bartender, could I have one absolute dry vodka martini, olives on the side." She drinks it, is a bit drunk, but orders another.
"Bartender, could I have one absolute dry vodka martini, olives on the side." She passes out drunk on the floor.
The bar closes. The janitor comes in, sees her on the floor, and fucks her.
The Next Day.
She walks into the bar. "Bartender, could I Have..."
The bartender says, "I know, I know, one absolute dry vodka martini, olives on the side."
She pipes back up and says, "Oh no, dear, I don't drink them anymore. They make my cunt hurt."