Years ago, I was molested by my pediatrician

It's not really revenge if he's not around. Do you know of any living relatives of his?

OP you don't want to do anything for revenge. Ask yourself what you plan to gain out of telling his relatives or setting up a SM page. What you do need is validation for your abuse history and experience, and this should be done on your own, in private, with a psychotherapist who specializes in working with abuse survivors. I suggest specifically a type of psychotherapy called psychodynamic therapy, I've used it with adult patients who have history of abuse. Do try to get individual therapy first and go from there, don't try to set up any SM page; remember SM is not the de facto form of validation that you need. It should be something more internal, as in allowing yourself to process and heal in ways that will never get healed if you go on a SM campaign or tell his kids. Work on yourself first.

I'm writing this because I have similar story as you, except I was in junior high and my abuser was a vice-principal/ counselor who was very much beloved at school, his daughter was even one of my classmates. I never told anyone until college when I suffered depression and was suicidal at times. I've since channeled that into working in mental health, I work in both psych and primary care as DNP. So my advice to you comes from both personal and professional opinion. Best wishes to you.

As a child you went to the doctor’s office alone? Odd

Lorna.

Anybody following this guy?

My abuser was my granddaddy and cousin, my mom found out but still doesn’t believe me, to this day I still dread seeing him, I wish I knew if he had done what he did to me to other family members, I have an uncle who just up and disappeared and it makes me wonder if he was molested as well.

Too late now as people would say the dead can't defend themselves. Maybe you should learn to let go of that horrific past and tell yourself that there is a special place in hell for pedos and he's probably rotting in it.

R6, report them and disclose their actions. Ask where your uncle is.

R7, there is no hell. Their hell should be in life.

How old were you OP? I can't imagine my parents leaving me alone with a doctor at a young age. Why weren't your parents with you?

Why punish his kids, OP? He probably molested or abused them, as well.

If your parents really did leave you alone with your doctor for that all to happen, blame them for being negligent. I'm only an uncle but I'd know not to do that!

I’m 54. I think it was common back then to leave a child with a doctor. Society was very trusting at that point. No one would ever believe a doctor would do something like that to a kid

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.

Yes there were likely many others also molested by this monster.

I’m sorry, OP, that that happened to you. I believe you, & also believe he did it to others. I wish I knew how to help/comfort you. Good luck with everything.

[quote] I think it was common back then to leave a child with a doctor.

Oh, hell no! It was not common for mothers to leave their children anywhere with anyone.

Your parents failed to protect you and your brother when they left you alone with that man. They failed again when they refused to listen carefully and act accordingly when the abuse was reported to them.

When you are examining your anger and hurt from the doctor's abuse, do not fail to examine your anger and hurt from being hung out to dry by your own mother and father.

R15, with all due respect, pediatricians did used to see patients alone back then. People thought of doctors as gods. They trusted them no matter what.

Perhaps some fools did, R16. But you overstate your case.

At a certain point in the child's maturation, the parents will inevitably step back and give the child privacy. But until the child can understand questions and answer them with substance, why would a responsible non-child-molesting doctor want the parent to leave? The parent is the repository of the useful information. Not to mention all the risk engendered for the physician created by examining a child's body unaccompanied by the child's parent?

Some parents are always too deferential to persons in authority. But the fact remains, any parent who was not there with its child during a physical examination was negligent.

R17, how did I overstate my case? Right or wrong, foolish or not...that was how things were back in the day when OP was a kid. Things are different today & the old days don’t make sense. But that’s how it was back then. Seems like you’re blaming OP’s parents for what OP’s pedo-trician did to him. That makes no sense nor is it helpful.

When I was a small child in the 1950's our closest family friend was our family doctor and the only time my mother ever left me alone with him was when I was having my tonsils removed and even then she was by my side until the very last minute. Otherwise she was at my side during every minute and I was not an only child, why would a small child be alone with a doctor, a parent needs to be there to communicate with the doctor and ask questions and yes supervise.

You overstate your case with your repeated use of absolutes, by blithely declaring categorically 'that's how things were.'

'Things' are never so absolute. Perhaps in chemistry or physics, but not when referring to people.

Nobody’s disagreeing, r19.

Are you saying OP is EST?

[quote] with all due respect, pediatricians did used to see patients alone back then. People thought of doctors as gods. They trusted them no matter what.

You are disagreeing with me in the above post at R16, R21, our doctor was a close friend and I stayed at their house with out my parents on occasion as I was friends with their son, but my mother would have never left me alone with him for a medical examination, even though I am sure she completely trusted him. I am saying it was not normal to leave a child alone with a doctor.

R20, it was normal to own slaves when the American Constitution was written. It wasn’t right. I don’t condone it. But that’s how things were back then.

It was normal for medical doctors to prescribe smoking to pregnant women. It wasn’t right. I don’t condone it. But that’s how things were back then.

It was used to be fact that the sun revolved around the earth. It wasn’t right. I don’t condone it. But that’s how things are back then.

Not sure why you’re focusing on how wrong it was for a kid to see a pediatrician alone. And not as much on how wrong it was for a pediatrician to sexually abuse a patient.

OP should be glad that he got started early, unlike some incels here who are pushing sixty and still virginal. Meh!!!

OP, R2’s advice seems excellent and he is clearly more knowledgable than me, but I think that some public “outing” of this guy might help his other victims. It’s one think to understand intellectually that abuse is not your fault, but I think realizing you aren’t alone can really bring it home.

But even if you want to go public, you don’t have to do it before talking this through with someone.

We all have our crosses to bear. Make sure you want another one before making this one public.

R25 here, R26 is spot on and I hope I didn’t come across as pressuring you to go public. I think you should consider how going public might help others. But only after you discuss it with a professional and consider how it might impact you.

If the guy was still alive and potentially abusing kids, different story. But he isn’t, so put yourself first.

OP is the victim and he has every right and reason to publicize his story. If the pedo's children get hurt in the process, that is not the fault of the victim. I think OP has an obligation to publicize this. Other potential victims and the criminal justice system should be aware. It was a crime and it happened and it should be public record. Then he should get on with his life.

Parents used to leave kids alone with trusted people—doctors, priests, scout leaders.

This is exactly why thousands have been molested by these very professions

I grew up in the 50's and 60's in Chicago and the doctor's office was in the same residential neighborhood where we lived. From about the age 10 onwards my mother would seldom go into the doctor's exam room with me. It wasn't unusual for her to leave the waiting room and walk down the street to the grocery store. Our doctor was a neighbor and his office was across the street from the catholic grade school where I went to school with the his kids. It was a different place and time back then and parents were much more trusting. I totally understand OP's upbringing and why he would have been alone with the "friendly neighborhood doctor".

R23 I understand your point might be based on your personal experience, but I disagree. My mother never left me alone with my pediatrician in the 1960's-70's R22 and I had a different experience. OR to put it your way: Just because my parents left me alone with a doctor does NOT mean that is the way it was done by everyone back in that era.

My mother would be thrilled if a doctor took an interest in me.

When we were 13 an elderly doctor touched us inappropriately 'down there' during a physical exam.

Get over it!

Found the former, guilt-ridden -- but still defiant ("they asked for it!") -- child molester at r34

My mom took a train by herself as a child in the 1930s from her small town in Illinois to Chicago for the dentist. And then back home again. She wasn’t even 10.

There was a time when people were not afraid to leave their small children alone with men they trusted.

There was a time when Sinead O’Connor was booed for ripping up a photo of the Pope.

Just recently I saw an article about a grandfather molesting an infant grandchild.

Jeffery Epstein, the lead newstory this weekend, lived his life and made his money as a very active pedophile. The documentary about Michael Jackson. The football, wrestling & gymnastics coaches. Cops. I had no idea how prevalent pedos are.

Paedophilia is defined as sex with pre-pubescents, moron r36. The fi$h in questia were definitely post puberty and quite 'experienced'.

I too remember in the mid to late sixties and early seventies going in to the doctors’s office by myself.

My first time was in the third grade, It was with a boy in my class, he was very aggressive. I remember he had lots more stuff than I had, (toys, games, books) and he would only let me use them if I agreed to his "conditions" Which I did. Was I molested? I found out later that he did the same thing to other boys too. He died of AIDS early on, like in 1986.

When we were 17 and a student at a private Catholic boarding school run by priests we were one night very wiped out from Miss Boozette. A very cute priest put us into our bed and we tried to kiss him and pull him in with us. He rejected us!

[quote]OP is the victim and he has every right and reason to publicize his story.

What's the point then? The OP can't punish the dead, nor will he get any compensation. The hurt will befall the children of the pedo. And do they have to pay for their father's sin now? The pedo has been dead. The expose should have come much sooner. It'[s too late now, just let it go, OP. It's not mentally healthy to wallow in something you can lash out but there will be no response to that. Emptiness is what you will get.

R41 is mired in layers of ignorance on how these things work.

For there to be healing, the victim has to speak up and tell his truth. If he has to confront this ugly truth for the rest of his life, then he should not do it alone. He deserves to have his story known and to have his injury understood. If he speaks up, he will get the understanding and the respect from others that he was denied by that pediatrician. He was robbed by that doctor of his autonomy and his dignity. To get it back, he has to speak up.

Nothing gets better if you follow R41's deeply confused advice.

R42 suggests attention whoring and attempting to damage others, to make oneself feel less alone in his misery.

You'll still be miserable, even after you make a public spectacle of yourself, OP. Therapy will help you deal with what happened and, eventually, move on. If you want a healthy and happy life, that's what you'll do.

OP, I definitely recommend therapy to help you process this. You do need to explore how your parents' rejection of your claim and lack of support impacted you.

Take two children's aspirin and check back in the morning.

Separate checks at an Olive Garden.

Same thing happened to me from about 15 onward. Family doctor. He touched me, never made me do anything to him. I feel oddly indifferent about it. Obviously it was abuse and it was him tapping into his sense of a lonely kid and probably a horny gay kid, which was wrong. But yet I feel indifferent about it. I don't mean to minimize OP's feelings. His situation was comparatively worse. The pervs out there, eh?

I love the way R41 and R43 suggest OP is the bad guy for wanting to expose the creep.

Talk about victim blaming. OP should carefully think it through, but he has every right to expose the dead doctor. And completely ignoring what OP might want, I think the benefit to other potential victims outweighs any consideration for the dead doctor’s kids.

Was any of this activity filmed?

Is Margaret deLorca Erna? Those posts sound a lot alike.

OP,

I think you need to decide what will make a difference for you. Therapy is important. Talking about it is important. I have not been in your shoes but validation is a very powerful component of healing and you need validation that your experience was horrible.

Naming your attacker may be ultimately healing for you and for others, especially if he had other victims, and it's likely that he did. Yes, that doctor may have family that would be hurt by the revelations, but.....well, as much as I hate cutesy affirmations, this one is fucking on the mark.

R47 - I can relate to your story. I actually feel guilty about enjoying my guitar teacher’s inappropriate behavior. When he was teaching me guitar lessons he would stand behind me and bend over to position my hands on the strings. I remember several times feeling a hard-on thru his slacks, and he made sure to press up against my back. When I did good, he would rub my shoulder and back from behind and say “well done!” He also had xrated magazines in his bathroom sitting on top of the commode, and of course my 14 year old self sneaked a peak. I remember getting so turned on by those images (the first pornography I had ever seen.) I would immediately jack off as soon as I got back home, and before my parents got home. I asked my mom at Christmas if he was still around (they still live in the same small Ohio town) and she said he had passed away several years ago. He had never married.

R48 should go back to his community college and re-learn critical thinking 101. Where in my reply did I blame the victim? Now I blame you for being obtuse.

Found the guilt-ridden but still defiant former child molester at r53

OP, I like R2’s and R47’s advice. I’m curious though about why this is so foremost in your thoughts now at 54. I ask because I’m 56 and was abused by my dad when I was an infant, and those memories have ‘woken up’ again recently for some reason.

I suspect that there is a stage when we’re older when we start re-assembling the story of our lives including the information that didn’t have when we were younger. For the last year I’ve been doing that about my entire life It’s helpful for me to be able to see those events in a bigger context, and being able to see his actions in the context of his life helps me understand why I felt so helpless and what the ramifications were to everyone.

Don’t get me wrong: definitely lay the blame at the feet of the culprit (in my case, confrontation and then banishing him from my life, 30 years ago now). But since your abuser is dead, what are you hoping will happen for you? That’s the real question. When you know, I think you’ll make wiser decisions about the best way forward.

It was actually common back then to leave children with adult men in the community. A great documentary about it is on Netflix called “Abducted in Plain Sight.” The little girl’s next door neighbor would take her camping and horseback riding with the parents permission. Later they learned he had been having sex with her and he even took her to Mexico.

The more I think about it, OP, the more I really do think you should name your abuser.

But I would look at other similar cases and see how they were handled. You may need to get police or a medical ethical board involved, or be willing to talk to them. Chances are there are others.

I had similar experiences as a child, OP, except mine involved being pinned to the floor and raped on multiple occasions.

No clue where the guy is now, and even if I did know, it wouldn’t change what happened. I spent nearly three decades acting out until I finally realized that I didn’t ask for it and wasn’t some awful perverted kid who deserved the things that happened to me.

There’s no freedom like letting go, and whether it takes therapy or a punching bag or the best weed you can score — let go. It’s the only way out.

The only people it would hurt would be his innocent family. Just channel your feelings into doing good for others instead of seeking vengeance on someone who is dead and gone.

[quote]I spent nearly three decades acting out until I finally realized that I didn’t ask for it and wasn’t some awful perverted kid who deserved the things that happened to me.

r58, since you are here and available and brought that up, may I ask about the sense of deserving things that happened to you? I was mistreated as a kid, but never for a second believed I deserved it, no matter how much I was told I did. I want to understand better where that feeling comes from.

It sounds fancy to have had a pediatrician, let alone be molested by one. I don't think a man with more than a welding diploma ever laid his hands on me.

It was at a children’s home, r60, and there were rumors about this guy molesting multiple kids. For some reason it happened more often to me, and some of the “adult” counselors told the other kids not to play with me, that they heard what I did, that I was nasty.

We went to church, where I learned that God created the world, and I decided that God must really hate me to plan for this guy to hold me down and fuck me then have everybody hate me for it. I can remember holding a steak knife from the kitchen up to my stomach and trying to work up the nerve to stab myself with it, but it was too scary.

I was 6, maybe 7. That place can kiss my ass.

I would forget about anything to do with the dr now but I would come down AGAIN with your parents like a ton of bricks about this.........I dont know how old you were but my mom went with me to drs appts until around 6th grade or so and at that point I would have known how to handle the situation you were in . If your parents are grandparents I wouldnt let them alone or trust them with any grandchildren, period.

I wonder if the pediatrician went into that line of work so he could fuck with kids

R64 / it’s hard to imagine there’s people in the world like that, but I know there is

I willingly suck off my doctor.

But he’s my husband so that’s okay

R66 - awwww bless your heart sweetie. Your husband’s a nurse’s aid that cleans up shit, piss, and vomit. But whatever you need to believe in your fantasy world.

When we were 14 our Jewish family pediatricia told our parents to have us locked up in the psych ward - and they did!!!!

I always wish I had been molested after hearing these stories. I was a horny little preteen and I would have been a willing participant.

Exactly, R69. When I read these stories, I wonder what I did wrong not to get in on the action. I craved it.

I was molested by my coach in high school and I never said anything because I wanted to protect him. I was (at least I thought) in love with him. He didn’t do anything more than give me lessons on how to put on a jockstrap and a cup, but he touched me inappropriately while doing it. I naturally got aroused and he would smile and say “that’s ok, that’s natural!” I later found out he had quit and moved to New Mexico to take care of his ailing mother, but I always had a fond place in my heart for him and decided never to expose him or ruin his reputation. I felt guilt about it when I heard other people’s stories, but I never felt his abuse “made me gay.” I already was.

Excuse me while I cough twice.

I was molested as a kid. Interestingly as I became a gay teen, I used to fantasize about the man who molested me.

How odd

I’m sorry that happened to you, R62. I’m glad you were able to let go, and I hope you have the great life and all the love that you deserve.

OP, if your parents sent you in alone to see the doctor have you ever thought they were in on it?

R75, that’s just gross and beneath the dignity of DL

i appreciate the kind words, r74, and have an education, personal interests and a lucrative career, but love seems to be something reserved for others.

relationships were always better in my head; i try to keep them there.

My history of abuse has pretty much made me sex negative.

Why are people blaming OP’s parents for leaving him alone for 15 minutes with his doctor during a physical exam – which, yes, was common in the 70s - instead of blaming them for refusing to believe him when he told them he had been molested???

HE TOLD THEM and they called him a liar. What the hell.

OP, I’m sorry this happened to you and I’m even more sorry that you weren’t believed. Agree with the other people to talk with a therapist and process things before deciding what to do, but going public is definitely an option. Work with an experienced counselor to figure out your best path to healing.

R78 - does “sex negative” mean you’re not attracted to either sex or that you don’t have sex? And who or what do you masturbate to?

I just don't have sex, well not very often. Trust is a massive issue for me and to hand my body over to someone is very difficult for me, but that's just my experience.

My nephew was molested by his father's nephew when he was 8 and the cousin was 13. Only recently did his mother, my sister find out due to his ongoing heroin addiction. I think he was not only molested by his cousin but by the grandfather both stayed with as kids. I also believe my nephew's father was molested as well- he died from an overdose. My nephew has told me that on more than one time he was drugged and raped by he believes the cousin but he remembers voices. It's the voices that really have pushed him over the edge. And every time I have been with him when he was high he brings it up, and cries oceans. But he won't see anyone about the subject. He is off the drugs for now but he won't tell his doctor.

r78/81=fish

[quote] He life is absolutely doomed if he refuses to seek mental healthcare about his past unfortunately.

This will end in suicide and/or an overdose.

OP, don't tell the doctor's kids and don't approach anyone you think was molested. You don't know how they're handling it and you could do a lot of harm. I know you want to harm someone in revenge but harming his victims is a terrible thing to do, even if you do it inadvertently. Just don't do it. Okay?

One of the reason I get so angry at the "back in my day, things were great" threads is because things like this happened all the time, and parents (basically Silent and Greatest Generations) either didn't care, didn't believe it, or blamed the kids. It was a terrible time. The OP's story is completely believable; even if his particular story is made up (which it doesn't seem like) it's so close to what happened to a lot of us that it might as well be the truth.

R53 is a troll who is saying Brexit will be great because it will allow the government to kill the weak and poor. Ignore him and improve your life.

My partner's therapist told him these things come up in middle age pretty frequently, r55, but didn't say why exactly. For my part, it's because my parents, who did most of the abusing, were in their 40s and 50s when it happened, and I found myself unconsciously comparing my life at age 45 to theirs. One day I thought, "Wow, I could never have been cruel to a kid at this age," a whole lot came flooding back.

I wonder if OP ever shared his truth

R11 Not common or feasible at all. Was the child going to explain the diagnosis to the parents after the office visit. Did the parent(s) just stay in the waiting room. Doesn't make sense. And wouldn't the parent(s) be better able to explain to the doctor the reason for the visit, the symptoms, the concern and answer questions the doctor my have?