Adjusting to a New City

Fuck everyone

Meet up groups are really popular these days. Look up ones you are interested in and go. Nice way to meet people and try to make friends.

Maybe some more background on you OP: do you work, is it a large company or a small one, do you have a chance to do any sort of career-related networking (anything from a meet-up to a conference), are you involved with any charities or similar, how old are you, are you flames-from-space gay or more mainstream, do you do well with groups of straight men or are you someone who is only really comfortable with other gays and/or women?

Don't get your hopes up with Meetup Groups, unless you're 55+. Usually just a bunch of people sitting around on their phones.

Hookup with everyone your husband's been hooking up with before you joined him, compare notes and set up a throuple sitch.

My honest opinion is, just let it happen. It'll take time, but little by littler you'll become more comfortable in your new environment. If you want to make new friends they'll come. Get out as much as possible. Learn the lay of the land. Become comfortable getting around the city. A few months from now you'll wonder why you were ever worried.

R3, I am a teacher, but it doesn’t look like I am going to be getting a job for this coming school year. Some awesome people on other threads have given me some options to look into while I wait for a position to open in my certification area. I might try to find something out of education, but I also like the idea (and flexibility) of being a substitute teacher (I hear there is a need in Ohio!) We can afford for me to be unemployed/underemployed at the moment, thankfully.

I have found a few things that might be good for networking, maybe supporting some charities and doing volunteer work. Mainly with schools since I have experience there!

I’m 27, my husband is 32. Buddy is 6 :)

I don’t think I am “flames from space” but I also do not work consciously to hide anything from anyone. My husband is a big grizzly dude, so I would imagine people just think we’re bros when we see them on the street (though I’ve never asked...) I struggled with meeting and making friends with his friends (there is a thread about that!) but I generally am okay, I am just painfully shy. I don’t really even like to order when Husband and I go out to a restaurant or something. At the same time though I was set up on a “friend date” with some women and we just had nothing in common.

I’ve thought about taking cooking classes? Is that a good idea? My husband great at grilling and does some cooking, but I am hopeless.

I bet you can get a job teaching ESL, even if it's volunteer work OP

Maybe join a gym and start going to a spin class or boot camp or something that meets at the same time every day so you'll see the same people.

Are you more comfortable being friends with women and other gay men or do you have straight male friends? That will likely steer a lot of your choices.

R8, I can most likely get an ESL job. I looked into some jobs today and called a couple of schools. All these damned principals out on vacation!

I’ve never actually gone to a gym, but I like the idea of something structured like that. In Minnesota, my husband would go to the gym and lift weights in our apartment building. He’s converted part of the basement here to a home gym, but I might look for a class like that to meet people!

My friend group in MN was a lot of women (crime of proximity, teach probs) and my husband had a lot of straight guy friends. I got along with those guys and their wives. I like to think I’m up for being friends with anyone, I just find it hard to start a conversation unless there is a purpose!

Go to bukkake parties!

How is Columbus? I've heard a lot of good things about it. I'm considering a move and that's one of the places I'd like to look into

Columbus is great! There are so many great things to do around town.

The zoo is excellent, Jack Hannah was the director in the past! They do a HUGE July 4 celebration each year, Husband took me and it was a lot of fun. The University is so beautiful, so many cute restaurants and suburbs. The airport is also very close to the city (unlike Chicago and some other cities) which is really convenient.

R11, If you’re into athletics (I’m not, but my hubby is!) there are two professional teams (Soccer and Hockey), minor league baseball, and Ohio State has great athletics too.

I’m far from an expert, but I am happy to answer any questions!

OP, you read like a real, straight-up, bonafide sweat-heart. I'm sure you'll do fine in your new city. Good people love knowing other good people. Best of luck to you and your husband.

Thank you, R13 :)

Find a coffee shop you like and become a regular. Go at roughly the same time every day so you see the other regulars. After a while you'll have nodding acquaintances, even if they're not friends per se.

Welcome to Columbus, OP! I've lived here for years and really love it. It may not have the type and scale of things found in other big US cities, but then it doesn't have the level of traffic of those cities, so it's an acceptable trade off in my opinion.

do you swim?, There have a great gay , masters swim club Ohio Splash. I attended one of their meets in Columbus and that's where I met my current spouse 20 years ago.

Aren't you the guy who hates his husband's friends?

When my partner and I moved TO the twin Cities years ago we took every Saturday as 'explorer' time. Went to local farmer's markets, museums and art, street fairs, restaurants, explored the suburbs and nearby small towns like Stillwater and Northfield. Got to know the freeways! Felt more at home and like it was my city.

[quote]My dog and I recently joined my husband in Columbus, Ohio after living together and being married in Minneapolis for the past seven or so years.

OP and his dog have lived together for seven years or so and were married in Minneapolis?

Thank you, R16! I was sad at first but now I’m getting excited to try new things. I have noticed that traffic isn’t bad! I was really worried about that when we moved because I didn’t know what part of the city we’d end up in and I was afraid to have too long of a commute! Now I’m not too worried about that.

R17, I don’t. Well, not competitively. I just looked up the organization though and it looks pretty awesome.

R18, yes. Working through that too!

R19, I hope you’re enjoying Minnesota! We lived near White Bear Lake! If you need any tips let me know. I like the idea of taking a day of the week to explore. It might turn into me telling Husband he has to pick a cool spot and take me each week since he knows the ropes, but I think he’ll be good with it.

R20, I should have written it differently. Husband and met seven years ago, got Buddy four years ago, and were married three years ago!

This is going to sound so lame, but I swear it works and I do it all the time.

You can literally introduce yourself to someone as, “Hi. I’m OP and I am trying to make friends since I am new to the area. Do you mind if I sit with you?”

99 times out of 100 they’re welcoming. They’ll include you in side conversations. I moved a lot as a young professional, it worked for me!

[quote]We lived near White Bear Lake!

Did you buy a pair of Magneplanar speakers?

R22, I am “lame” enough to give it a try! I was randomly put into a single dorm room my first year of college, so I actually used that method a lot since I didn’t have a roommate to be my instant friend.

R23, we did not!!!

R22, I am “lame” enough to give it a try! I was randomly put into a single dorm room my first year of college, so I actually used that method a lot since I didn’t have a roommate to be my instant friend.

R23, we did not!!!

You were married to your dog, OP?

Traffic in Columbus isn't bad? Try driving east to west on I-70 at rush hour on Friday. Took me about 90 min a couple weeks ago to get through town.

Op you’re the fresh meat in town.

I really wish I would have not used the words “dog” and “married” in the same sentence!

I’ll avoid I-70 at that time then, R27.

Oh my. What a darling city. My partner and I met there in the 80s. I’ve heard it has only gotten better.

Minneapolis and Columbus are equally dull.

Honest reflection, R31...After living here for about three months, Columbus is much more fun than Minneapolis! More people should give Columbus a chance! I know I need to let the honeymoon phase go away, but I LOVE it so far!

I mean there is of course the fun in exploring a new city as opposed to one that has grown stale for you.

R32 The weather is definitely better in Columbus! It’s a great town but is often dismissed by coastal gays for not being ‘fierce’ enough. For some of us life is not an ongoing Instagram picture. Gays are so terrified of being bored. Jesus! I’ve discovered some really cool places in this country. Keep an open mind:)

OP you are precious! Smaller midwestern cities are very friendly and I’m sure you’ll meet people easily as you get settled. I live in DC which is the most aloof place I’ve ever been, so you are lucky! I went to Pennsylvania last week and was shocked that people say hello to one another on the street. I know Ohio is the same. Make sure to make some baked goods and bring them around to your neighbors. That’s very midwestern and wholesome.

R34, EXACTLY! People don’t see the beauty of living in the middle of the country.

R35, thank you! I actually took a cooking class a couple of weeks ago. I think I made a friend! It is pretty exciting.