Did you have a mentor?

No, I sure didn't.

No and I feel my life would have been very different if I had

I didn't have a mentor in my teen years, which would have been wonderful.

But after I'd been out in the bars for a few years, I had an eldergay mentor who was very kind to me. He taught me a lot about film, especially. We were neighbors and he'd often make me dinner, knowing that I was living pretty paycheck to paycheck (more so than now) at the time. I really enjoyed his company.

I didn't know much about traditional gay culture at that time - I was a little new wave kid from the burbs - but he taught me about Judy Garland, Peggy Lee and Doris Day, and showed me many classic films - he loved Mame (the Roz version), Gypsy, A Star is Born to name a few.

He died entirely too young. He is very much missed.

I can't have been the only one.....?

No, that's probably the biggest difference with our str8 counterparts... and the psychologists we were sent to hated us as anyone for being gay...

I know not many of us had mentors when we were younger (teenagers) but I thought for sure some of us crossed paths with an eldergay or more experienced person of the world when we came out (twentysomething years).

I kind of had a work mentor 20 years ago but I was too immature to appreciate it. I didn’t really like the guy personally, he was my boss, and he took an interest and saw that I was bored and gave me extra responsibilities and taught me how to do them, and talked about bigger picture stuff at work.

I actually appreciated the extra responsibilities at the time because it made my job less dull, but I didn’t appreciate my boss.

I openly mocked him when he said he didn’t want to argue with me (I was an arguer, much less so now) because it would “draw on our emotional bank account” which he said wasn’t yet stocked high enough to withstand a fight.

I guess I would still roll my eyes today if someone said those words to me, but I can’t tell you how many times in the past 20 years I’ve thought of those same words because they were true, and they continued to be something that I needed to look out for my whole life.

I took that lesson, and others, begrudgingly or not at all, but somehow a bunch of stuff he tried to teach me actually sunk in, and the guy was actually pretty smart, and I appreciate him now in a way I never did at the time.

Boys! Boys! No one need go forward without a mentor. Call me.

R7 I love that idea...."emotional bank account."

This is going to be an interesting thread. I love reading about everyone's personal history. My favorite aspect of DL.

Yes, but I don't think it was a calculated effort on his part; rather, he was just such an amazing guy that I learnt so much from him. It was my first job after getting an MBA. I had actually interned at the company (Polo Ralph Lauren) in the summer between school years, working directly for the President of the division. He wanted me to come back after graduation, but I was reluctant to, because I realized that my success at the company would be tied directly to him, and I knew that he was somewhat mercurial. I took the job anyway, and I'm glad he did. I tried to keep an emotional distance from my boss, because I didn't want to mix social and work, but, increasingly, it was clear that I was one of his favorites at the office, and we would socialize. (He was straight; he was having a long-term affair with a female co-worker who was one of my best friends.) Anyway, I learnt so much from him because of how he treated people; always with respect and consideration and kindness. Did he do that to teach me lessons? Not directly, but it couldn't help but shape my views on how to treat employees and, well, pretty much everyone. When we would travel in groups, for instance, he would be entitled to fly first class because of his position. He would give the first class ticket to someone in the group, and sit in back with the rest of us. Etc. I left the company long ago, and moved away. He traveled a lot for work, and I would see him in my new city at least once a year for coffee. He died three years ago, and I miss him terribly. He was a one of kind, wonderful guy, and a great teacher.

R11 He sounds like he was a very nice person.

I never had a mentor but I've been one to a few people, both professionally and personally. I volunteered at a local LGBT youth drop-in center a few years back and one of the young men, in particular, became a good friend. He had questions about coming out, about dealing with religion, about sex, about the gay community and we spent some long hours talking.

He's long since stopped needing a mentor but we still stay in touch. He's in a long-term relationship now and is happily settled into his professional career. Basically, he gave me a chance to be for him what I really wished someone could have been for me when I was his age.

Mentor?!?! HAH.

I had to figure it out for myself, honey, with help from a friend who was braver than I was....I am so grateful for him, because otherwise, there was NO ONE.

Not that I'm bitter or anything.

I did. It was one of the most important relationships of my life.

When I came to NYC in the early 1980s, I was an earnest little thing. Hard working. Serious. Not much fun. But ambitious and disciplined. I had an entry level job at a world famous organization. A very senior figure in the organization, a gay man more than twice my age, spotted me there, working hard and being driven. He took an interest in me. Not in a romantic way, but more like a friendship and he was very much a mentor to me. He gave me career advice. Taught me about opera and about life. He held my hand when my partner was so ill with AIDS. What a difference this man made for me, time and time again.

We stayed in touch until his death a few years ago. He generously touched my life in more ways that I can recount here. He is one of the few people I have encountered who definitely affected the arc of my life. Always in good ways. If I had never met him, I would be much the poorer for it. After my mother died, I sent flowers to my mentor each year on Mother's Day. He was a fundamental presence in my life.

Along the way, I have made close friendships with two wonderful young people who have heart and talent and such great abilities. I try to pass on to them a bit of the time and attention I was so generously given by my mentor. It's good for me to do so. It's good for them, too. They kindly let me know they appreciate it. And I appreciate that.

What a wonderful story, R15, and how great that you are paying it forward.

wow!

I did. He was much older and affluent. Took me on a trip around the world and taught me what was what. Unfortunately, he was also a huge egocentric jerk. Played mind games with me and would often treat me like his property. He was married to some frau when I met him. He got busted and made me feel like it was all my fault. I don’t want to get into the whole dramatic story, but I try not to dwell on the bad things. It was a good lesson in life and love for me.

I never had a gay mentor (unless you count my Lit teacher, but he wasn't officially gay), but I was (briefly) a mentor to others.

.......

Thankfully I had some excellent gay mentors to help me define myself as a gay man. Because I didn't have just one mentor as I came out in my 20s, I was introduced to a wide spectrum of what it was like to be a gay man and my options. I also saw the pitfalls that I wished to avoid. I'm not personally into leather, BDSM, or drag but can appreciate those who are.

I'm thankful to my mentors who helped me understand the wide spectrum of the gay male rainbow. Too bad there isn't a mentor referral service that you can call for those who are just coming out.

[quote] Too bad there isn't a mentor referral service that you can call for those who are just coming out.

True!

R15, you’re lucky. He sounds like he treated you like his own family. He sounds great.

*sob*