Question for those who have clinical depression

Depression is highly treatable. If you have decades of it, you're treatment is incorrect and/or you are not staying on it long enough.

In addition depression is requires the victim to play an active part in the recovery. You cannot pop a pill (for most cases) and have it go away.

Even Kitty Dukakis who had horrible depression advocated ECT when she ran out of every other alternatives for her depression.

You need to find out a resource and keep looking. If you are not getting relief you need to keep looking and make sure you are stringently sticking with it. This is often the problem, the depressed people are too depressed to do what is required to the treatments fail, and the cycle continues on.

Talk therapy, ant-depressants. Are you doing those, OP? Are you seeing a therapist regularly and taking your meds?

As for suicidal thoughts, i just push them out of my mind. Suicide never solved anythjng, you’ll throw your life away and devastate everyone you left behind, and for what? It’s easier to maintain this clarity and avoid those thoughts if you’re in therapy and on anti-depressants.

Other things that help for me are regular exercise, going outdoors, and maintaining a clean and orderly home environment. I was diagnosed with clinical depression 25 years ago. I lead a highly functioning life, and i’ve had a long term relationship for 18 years.

I feel you, OP, and I don't have the answers. I'm frankly so emotionally cordoned off that I don't know how I'd even begin to talk to a therapist about my innermost feelings. My mother has had clinical depression her entire life and I've seen her try a variety of things ranging from psychotherapy to medications, and none of it has really helped her in a major way. I'm terrified to try going on medications after seeing what it did to her. I just try to grit and bare it, and my super low spells eventually pass. Having good friends makes a big difference, and I try to spend time with people when I'm feeling down, although sometimes I don't even want to do that. Keeping a regimented life is also helpful; some sort of consistency can give you a sense of groundedness.

If you needs meds you should take them. It's just like insulin for a diabetic or a cast for a broken leg. You need them because your brain isn't working properly. There is a lot of scare-mongering about psych meds, but it's largely due to the stigma of mental illness. If the meds aren't working or have bad side effects, you should be trying a different one.

Christ, another Pity Party?

I guess it's time. It usually happens about every other month. Someone looking for attention.

"Oh, woe is me. I'm depressed. Everyone feel sorry for me. Me, me , me. Let's focus on me."

The tedium.

-86/100

[quote]a better alternative to a life of meaninglessness

Meaning is not an object 'out there' in the world. It is something you find in yourself. It is almost always dedication to something you regard as greater than yourself. Such as: a creative art, helping others less fortunate (including animals), building a business, or for many people, caring for family members / children.

Stop thinking meaning is 'out there'.

OP have you tried getting eaten out? That and a good fingering makes me feel good as new!!

OP there's some great advice on this thread. I can only confirm wht R1,R2, R3, and R4 are correct. I can only underscore what they're saying. But please resist thinking of suicide as a solution. I will add one meagre suggestion. Vitamins. Some people say Vitamin D helps. It's not a substitute for other meds, but there are things we can control, and exercise, being out doors, what we eat, etc. are things we can control. I went through a period of feeling very isolated and alone and, don't laugh, but I started hanging out at the library and it helped. The most important thing is for you to do something positive. Even if it's only forcing yourself out of bed and into the shower every day.

[quote]how do you depressed men deal with decades of sadness and loneliness

Become a woman. Easy PZ.

Do a little exercise OP. A little walkabout every day will lift you a bit, and every bit helps.

The end is what keeps me from doing it. Fear of the unknown.

My mom is in the hospital septic and just suffered a hesrt attack because of the fucking nursing home. If she goes, I have no one else. I can't afford to live by myself, so I may as well just end it. What's the point if there's nobody else?

Concur 10000% with r10 Exercise! After my last suicide attempt and hospitalization when I got out I started exercising and eating better again. It's a mother fucker to get going and push yourself when you're brutally depressed and dealing with other issues, but just stick with it. It's not a cure all, but it does help burn off some of the burden.

How to combat suicidal thoughts, ideation and voices? Been fighting that for 30 years. Just fight, even when you have no fight left.

Good luck, you're not alone

R11. Look, it sounds like you are having a rough time and I cannot say something that will make your life better as it stands. However, I have experienced suicidal thoughts and there is something I always say to myself and it does give me perspective.

When I am feeling these thoughts about ending my life, I remember that I would be destroying a functioning body that so many people who are dying of a terminal illness would long for. I say to myself that maybe one day, science will enable us to swap minds and suicidal people can choose to give their functioning bodies to the terminally ill and in turn take their dying bodies. But until this time, I have to respect death isn’t calling me, no matter how hard it is.

As terrible as you feel now, you need to find a way to take ownership of your situation. You are facing some terrible issues, these have nothing to do with depression or suicidal thoughts. You are in a genuinely bad situation. But you need to find people who can give you solid advice and help you through this. You’ll get there.

Are R11 and OP the same person? If not, so sorry about your mother, r11.

R11, losing a central relationship in your life is almost unbearable to go through alone. A grief group would help you.

To both: a little exercise, routine in your life, and professional/medical help. Meds have been a life changer for many. Still, major depression drains every bit of energy out of you, even the energy to make small changes. Just wash 5 dishes, or make the bed. Take a tiny action, and another one tomorrow.

Radical suggestion: Find a gay church, or other gay worship community, if there's one in your area. You don’t have to pretend to believe in the god stuff—just go for the fellowship. Sit in the back, look at the nice stained glass windows, and stick around for coffee after. Introduce yourself to the minister. It may not feel like it would help, but you may find some relief there.

Hang in there. And get meds for depression, they work.

R14, no I'm not OP, just happened to see this. I'm just trying to keep my mind busy at this point, dwelling on it will just make it worse.

OP,

First- FF all the assholes here. Then block them.

If you’re being treated by a GP, consider a referral to a neurologist. They can better exclude biophysical issues contributing to your symptoms.

GPs are wonderful but there can be a willingness to prescribe multiple cycles of drugs until one works. It’s taxing on the patient as the side effects aren’t always predictable. A drug that’s not right for you can increase thoughts of self-harm.

Most cycles are short duration, usually six months.

For many, talk therapy is effective for long term management. Getting you to a point where talk therapy is beneficial

Make a list of all dietary supplements you’re taking. There are very good checklists you can complete online from different national organizations for depression and bipolar disease. Take the quiz, be really honest- and take it with you to give to your doctor.

It’s a hard conversation to have, so getting prepared will make this a little easier. The anxiety you feel about a diagnosis is normal. Getting into treatment with the right doctor and right therapy is pretty surprising.

I think for most people with clinical depression it boils down to an existential malaise that counseling or pills cannot alleviate. You just have to live with it until you die.

It’s like a chronic illness that gets a little better or worse sometimes but is always there. Learn to treat it that way and not have unrealistic hopes of a total cure.

I've sworn I wouldn't kill myself and so far it has worked. When things get too much I imagine what would actually happen if I commit suicide: in what state would my body be, how traumatised will the person who finds me be, how my family who has no money will pay for my funeral, how it will break my mother and brother's heart, etc. It's enough to guilt me into staying around.

When I was at my most suicidal one of the things that stopped me was thinking about who would find my body. I had it planned so that it wouldn't be anyone in my family but then I would think about the poor person who would find me and how crappy that would be for them.

Talking through this with a therapist helped me a lot. I was not doing well and she would see me multiple times a week when I wanted to get things off my chest.

I still have suicidal thoughts at times and I think they will always be with me but you just have to push through them. If you feel like the thoughts are getting the best of you tell someone and talk them. Doing this stopped me from killing myself and now I am glad that I reached out to someone.

Hang in there. It sucks but you can pull through.

I take 20mg of lexapro per day and feel amazing!

Every situation is different. I’m with R17 on this one. Meds and therapy are, for me, a band aid that makes me sometimes feel ok. I rarely feel good. Great is never on the table. That being said, I have severe clinical depression with no suicidality. My friend has a milder case of depression and has had several attempts. I don’t know why it would be like that, but it is.

[quote] I take 20mg of lexapro per day and feel amazing!

10 mg work for me. If you've never felt life without the depression, I can only say there is something beyond despair. I was depressed my entire life. Therapy + meds worked.

R23 here. Let me clarify. Therapy forced me to acknowledge the truth of my childhood. That worked for me. It wasn't pretty or easy. Knowing the truth (pedophile father, narcissist mother) is important. Living with lies made me despressed. Even with the truth, meds, and therapy, life is still challenging. I still have bouts of depression and panic attacks, but I know longer want to die. That's progress.

I can only speak for myself, OP, but I just busy myself with things to get my mind off of it (suicidal thoughts, that is). On some days, I think about it multiple times an hour. I can be talking with a friend. Or watching a movie. Or working in the yard or garage and the thoughts will come.

I’ve struggled with and managed it more or less since I was a teen. Multiple attempts. A few I failed at. A few that were “dumb luck” I didn’t succeed.

What I personally found was busting myself doing good for others. Or caring for something or someone. Giving me a purpose.

I, myself, don’t believe I’m worth anything. I can find worth and value in others and things. But not me. It’s just the way my mind is. Since I was a kid—about seven years old—I didn’t celebrate my birthday, and I refused gifts. I wouldn’t happily be the giver. But the recipient, no. Left exposed for a joke. But that carried over into my sex life too, fwiw.

I found helping others and animals to give me a purpose. I’m incredibly ethical and fair and generous and selfless and reliable. People do very much like me and having me around. But under the surface of it all, I don’t enjoy BEING around. The only thing that quells those thoughts and desires of going away is for me to in a way have obligations to fulfill for someone or something else.

I’ve never divulged to the ones who matter in my life that I’ve been suicidal all these years. I don’t want them to care, I suppose. I feel it would be wasted.

This’ll be morbid, but I’m a very candid person: I can say with near certainty I will end it all one day. And that’ll be when I have no obligations left to fulfill. But I also gave myself two other criteria that must be met. The particular type of day I will only do it. It MUST be a clear sky, yet brisk cold sunny day. MUST be.

And also the method: I will have to sever the arteries in my throat. Why? Because for one it will require overcoming a great mental and pain hurdle. I’m certain cutting one’s throat that deeply is quite painful and you’re really got to WANT to do it.

But also, it’ll give me final moments of clarity before I pass out, at let me know that I was either happy I chose to end it, or regretful. Either way, it would be too late to remedy or change. And I’d have to accept my decision.

So, there’s a few things holding me back in a sense. Is it my way of saying subconsciously I don’t really want to die? No. Not really. It’s just a way of making absolutely certain I want to go through with it.

So take my advice: care for a loved one. Care for some animals. Volunteer. Donate. Be of use to someone or something. At the very least it a great way to spend your time while you’re here.

Excuse the spelling errors. I type quick and apparently spellcheck decides for me what I meant:

“What I personally found was BUSYING myself doing good for others. Or caring for something or someone. Giving me a purpose.”

“Since I was a kid—about seven years old—I didn’t celebrate my birthday, and I refused gifts. I WOULD happily be the giver. But the recipient, no. Left exposed for a joke. But that carried over into my sex life too, fwiw.”

Among other corrections.

Clinical depression is tough. It can be resistant to meds. I'm not sure all you've tried ( I haven't read through the posts) but oftentimes, it is difficult to find the rights ones and takes a lot of trial and error.

There are other therapies to treat drug resistant depression. Some new ones actually cause you to have controlled seizures and many say it changed their lives.

Your depression is, obviously, hard wired in you and no amount of "just pull yourself up from your boot traps" will suffice. But you should get out and do things because it may help just enough.

Sending my best!

I feel your pain, OP. I have severe depression and schizo-affective disorder. I want to kill myself (and sometimes others) everyday, all day. Maybe you should try an anti-psychotic medication? I take 1,000 milligrams of Seroquel, which I hate because I gained 40 pounds, but it seems to help. I try to exercise, that seems to help...

Also think of what it would do to your family if you ever did something rash.

Not everyone is close to their family. So that advice is meaningless.

I hope you all feel better soon.

Try ketamine. Kriyainstitute.com. Infusions are expensive. Some docs will give you cheaper alternatives. Not recommended for people with addiction problems.

OP, I would recommend talk therapy as part of whatever you're doing. Also, maybe do some research on the real effects of suicide on survivors. There's nothing glorious about it, especially for children. Someone I knew and loved died of cancer (with lots of palliative / painkilling care) and had also suffered from depression. After the death, I went through this person's stuff and found a load of sleeping pills. I know this person had contemplated suicide and I was truly grateful that they had not gone out that way.

Ditto R20. That conversation with the therapist, where you have to speak your ideation aloud, is somehow life-affirming. And you CAN admit to "ideation" or "thoughts" & discuss it without them rushing to admit you. I think it's "having a plan" that really triggers a more active assessment.

Good distractions.

I think it’s because once you choose death there's no going back. I really focus on how final it is. It’s not healthy but self mutilation does help me. It calms me down and if you’re careful about it you can cover any scars. I don’t even think any of my lovers have noticed. I get into these depression/anxiety spirals and it always pulls me out.

I've had a suicidal ideation for a long time myself, and believe that clinical depression cannot be cured. It's a dispositional issue—a personality trait, if you will. You simply have to learn to live with the wound. For me, wishing to die has always been less about hating life and more about feeling stuck/trapped/oppressed in circumstances that feel (and sometimes are) inescapable. Sometimes bowing out seems like the logical thing to do. The central things that have kept me from actually killing myself though are, A) I do believe in some form of an afterlife, and I don't believe taking your life can ever possibly be good on a cosmic/karmic/moral scale; and B) I've had a lot of people in my family die young, and I feel like it's wrong to prematurely waste my life/body when there are so many people have their lives taken against their will every single day. Suicide seems intrinsically wrong to me, even though I've considered it off and on for many years.

you seem to already have tried all the stuff our society sells us to be temporarily happy... why keep on?

there is only ONE efficient treatment for depression :

1- go no contact with everybody in your life (especially family), 2- leave your job, 3- move out, 4- restart your life in another city and don't tell anyone... start from ZERO.

mindfulness-based meditation will be your best ally in the process.

yes, it is hard, but the process tests your motivation... will you keep on taking the blue pill that keeps you sick?

Any other "solution" to depression is BS.

R37 hilarious. Wherever you go, there will be your depressed, non-functioning brain. Running away is no solution. Clinically depressed people are most likely just genetically "gifted" by this condition. Changing the environment will not change their brain chemistry. Although it will over time, considering the brain's neuroplasticity and all.

R38, you use lots of that pseudo-scientific discourse that has not solved anything in the last 40 years...

Again, please get on Lexapro. It saved my life!

[R38] it takes more courage to leave, discover and rebuild yourself, than live in the toxicity that has destroyed your life since the beginning...

R39 is woke. She does not believe in pesky stuff like science or brain chemistry. Keep on keeping on, lady.

I agree restarting somewhere else is good but recommend pills for some too.

Having a pet which is dependent on you keeps you going. You think of how it will be for them if you weren't there. Also the love they give you is very comforting. If you have a dog, you are compelled to walk it, which gets you out of the house, and possibly brings you in contact with others. Also the walk is of great benefit to you. I prefer cats, but a pet which you can touch and hold is the main thing.

Very important to force yourself to get out of bed, shower, shave, brush your teeth and put on clean clothes. Then make your bed and tidy your house.

R44 gives the same worthless frau advice on every thread. Good lord.

Well, OP/ R45, why don't you try it? Sounds like you have nothing to lose.

R44 seems to think OP gives a shit about staying alive. Not to mention that anyone who is clinically depressed has neither the energy or inclination to do all those wholesome little domestic tasks r44 lists.

It's almost as if she hasn’t read the thread, or ever been clinically depressed—even though the OP specifically addresses the question to “those who have clinical depression.”

Fraus is clearly none too bright. Lol. Good lord.

What do you expect, a magic wand? You either want to dig yourself out or you don't. What works is not novel or glamourous, but has stood the test of time.

If not, may as well post requests for suicide methods.

Stood the test of time? Lol. That is even more worthless than the idea cleaning your floors will cure depression. Not interested in the absurd notions of a moron.

Yes, OP, stood the test of time. Back in the late 19th century, it was called the hygiene cure - rest, mountain air, spring water, mineral baths, walks, nutritious meals. Exercise and pet ownership are helpful with depression, there is research to back it up. Humans and animals feel better when they're clean and in a clean environment.

As I said, what have you got to lose? You can always go back to wallowing in squalor and misery; it's always available.

And furthermore - if you reach out on an anonymous board for advice from strangers., you're only entitled to the cut-price advice we give. It may not be your cup of tea, but that doesn't authorise you to attack and insult those who responded and tried to help.

You're welcome.

R51 does have some good advice. Self-care and some semblance of control over your environment.

Which can then be used to realize that people with depression have to take responsibility for their hand in their own misery, as someone mentioned earlier.

R51 unless you have lifelong clinical untreatable depression, your snowflake advice is not welcome.

Remember that a lot of writers and artists suffered from severe depression. Try to create something.

R54 exactly. If you are not a painter do a variant of the Sistine Chapel. You're a genius!

I'm shocked the Essential oil fraus haven't yet started to suggest/lecture on how the afflicted need only to contact them to order a diffuser, a few bottles of YL lavendar, theves, and bergamot to heal that clinical depression up, in a jiff!

#EssentialOilLife #YoungLiving

#AskMeHow(MuchDebtIHaveNow)

#OilsEverywhereButNo401K

This isn't something to work at your worst. you have to have it in place before you get worse, IMO.

I have a list of things that are going for me, and I recite them. At the beginning I had to recite them over and over and over and over, but nowadays when I fantasize about suicide I start the list and I get maybe 5-6 items into it. It has things like, "I have a place to live that I can afford. I have affordable health insurance. I can afford my meds. I have family who want to help if I let them. I have a ride with plates, registration, and insurance. I have food and a kitchen to cook."

The details reflect some struggle in my past (affordable housing, not just a place to live; affordable rx not just health insurance; car insurance, not just a car title; having a place to prepare my own food, not just something to eat).

I don't feel happy as I recite the list, but I eventually distract myself from thoughts of self-harm, divert the feelings. At its worst, I'd get into bed and stare at my bedroom wall to stay safe and concentrate enough to get through my list, but I don't do that anymore.

But your list and what it takes to get through it until you can remember your things going-for-you. I honestly think it's something that helps to make before things get horrid, as you can no longer see the good when things are that dark. That's when you need to have it memorized to ponder until it helps some.

Hang in there!

Fraus don't believe in stuff like science or brain chemistry. You are wasting your time.

No kidding.

[quote]r59 how do you depressed men deal with decades of sadness and loneliness.

Luckily, I have good days alongside the bad ones. I try to hang on, and realize everything can change with one phone call, one chance meeting, or whatever, and I will be back in a content period again. I also know I'm going to die some day (as we all will) so there's really no need to rush it. My pain will come to an end some day on its own.

And of course, medication helps. It's when I go off it (by mistakenly not getting my prescription refilled right away) that I have the worst time.

True story - when I was at my lowest and had my 9mm firearm pointed at my head, I thought of my mom and couldn’t. Now I’m on Lexapro and the world is wonderful again. It took a couple months but if there’s any advice I can give, it is HANG IN THERE! Life is good again. And I used to judge people on antidepressants.

Agreed. Antidepressants do work for some people.

Taking a million cocks in both holes is the only treatment for depression.