I Want to Be Underwhelmed (Summer, 2019)

Riveting!!!! Do go on!

It took you all week to come to this realization? You’re not too bright, are you?

I am.

I've started to make homemade soft dog food for my elderly dog with chicken, brown rice, carrots, sweet potatoes and green beans.

May I have the leftovers, r4?

For the purpose of shaving my head, I've discovered that an electric shaver with foil-style blades does the job better than a straight razor.

Just bought a new mop. Had a choice between foam or rope. I went with foam.

What should hi feed your very cute neighborhood raccoon?

It will fart with sweet potatoes.

A vet said that green beans are a good way to help your fat dog lose weight.

My new mattress pad is a Serta Pedic "Superior Loft" Down Alternative.

My sleep is improved. The added height of the pad almost prevents my sheets from catching at the corner.

r7 Have you noticed a difference in effect or weight between a foam mop head rope mop head?

Let their be no perception I'm delving into your sex life.

Sorry OP, your story is too whelming for this thread. Honestly, it was kind of exhausting.

Noted, r13

This time of year, my chest gets sweaty and I develop a red rash which is very itchy. I just discovered that if I put my athlete's foot powder on my chest it really helps.

My neighbour's spoiled Maltese dog peed in her owner's bed last night due to extreme anxiety from lighting storm. On top of it, neighbors didn't sleep a wink as same spoiled Maltese dog kept them up all night with anxiety attacks from storm.

Lightning.

R16

Thank you, OP. I have sufficient

Weird coincidence: earlier today, I was reading an archived discussion about Madeleine McCann. The thread hadn't been updated since March. One poster mentioned that the McCann case may remain unsolved for decades, like Suzy Lamplugh's. I had never heard of Suzy Lamplugh before. I was about to Google her but was interrupted.

A few hours later, this article appeared on BBC News:

I just rewatched the Pottery Barn episode of Friends for the first time in years and realised it's just one long advert. I had never heard of product placement when I watched it as a kid - and not being American, I didn't even know Pottery Barn was a real chain, anyway.

My younger brother and his girlfriend were recently furnishing their first apartment. They're very young and don't have a lot of money. They've seen Friends and were convinced that Pottery Barn was 'cheap' so they went there and realized they were mistaken.

"[R7] Have you noticed a difference in effect or weight between a foam mop head rope mop head?"

Less weight and more complete wringing with the foam. (Hope that isn't too scintillating and/or opinionated for this thread.)

I've just realized that matter, gravity and time have it all over us humans

I just ate four Mr Kipling French Fancies in one go. One strawberry-flavoured, one lemon, and two chocolate. I have no regrets. I only let myself buy them a few times a year because I don't want to end up looking like Eric Cartman.

I watched Legally Blonde and it occurred to me that this scene would not fly today. It would be seen as biphobic.

I find if I run out of lube, olive oil is a great substitute and emollient. Also, my tags expire next week.

I just had Kogusai gummy candies and they are worlds better than what pass for this type of candy in Europe and America.

My rhubarb patch quit growing last week. Feeling despondent. So I bought 8 pints of raspberries and feeling a bit better though I was upset at having to throw one pint out last night because I found too much mold in one.

I got up slightly earlier than usual today for a Sunday. I was tired around 12 and went back to bed for a nap, but I didn't sleep.

My cats like gourmet "human" tuna packed in salt water.

tepid bump

I need to replace the pillows on my bed so I searched Amazon, Bed Bath & Beyond, and Kohls for replacements. I couldn't find anything with enough good reviews to convince me to pull the trigger so I gave up.

I'm thinking of trying Paradontx toothpaste to rid me of my bleeding gum problem before I go to a dentist.

What ever happened to the Fab Four (or was it Five)? Did that asshole drive them underground?

I found a stashed bottle of Diana's steak sauce in my basement pantry for my burger marinade.

I made gluten free waffles for breakfast. There was just enough syrup.

Well. At this point I think a collective lie-down is in order; we've all been overstimulated.

I accidentally killed an adolescent Anole lizard a few days ago by shooing out of my house. Apparently, I broke the teensy little thing's neck on the screen door hinge even though it didn't look squashed when I discovered it perched on the hinge. This has been a great year for Anole hatchlings in my yard at least but I still feel bad for snuffing out this cute little thing who was just doing its thing and my effort to just get it back outside

Dear R38, I find lizard murder to be quite whelming.

Reaching for my trazodone as I type!

I just took an ambien...it's only 2:47pm

I found a Christmas fruit cake recipe last week. Have to make the recipe soon so it cures with all that rum in it.

I finished reading my library book. Now I have to go back to the library.

I found out recently when trying a new seasoning for my frozen steak that Morton Season-All is better than Lawry's seasoned salt.

I’m out of pasta sauce, so I’m fake-making some from diced tomatoes, garlic, and olive oil. No matter. I’m out of pasta.

I've been wearing my fall PJs lately.

I felt the slight tickling of a headache approaching last night so I put a glass of water and some ibuprofen on my bedside table.... Then I remembered acetaminophen was better.....

My God! The rain is killing me, day after day, RAIN.

It’s too late to take a shower now. I’ll have to take one in the morning.

I had some leftover corn on the cob, so I made corn fritters. They were OK, but nothing special.

I wish I felt like going downstairs to refill my vodka soda.

Old intercoms were kind of fun. The ugly horn sound "mhwhauuummm," then hitting speak to ask "who is it," then hitting listen and hearing static wind and traffic background noise in conjunction with whoever's there announcing themselves "it's meeee!," then listening while buzzing them in "izzzzzzzzzzzzzz" until you hear the door click open and slammed shut.

For 24 hours now I have tried to add something to this thread, but couldn't come up with anything suitable.

I finally went downstairs to refill my vodka soda, I’m back upstairs in bed now.

I had some leftover chicken thighs (raw), so I took off the skin and made chicken paprikash, adding mushrooms, carrots, and peppers to the usual recipe (1973 trade paper Joy of Cooking). Best batch I ever made.

My cat just faked throwing up. That's when nothing comes up but sounds real.

I took my shower.

Drinking coffee. Decaf, actually. Peet's House Blend. Indistinguishable from real coffee, but I am sleeping somewhat better.

R58, How do wake up and process thoughts without caffeine? Or do you accept that you be underwhelmed all day?

My marijuana plants need nitrogen. I will give them coffee grounds later.

Well, r59, I'm sharp enough to notice you forgot to type "you" somewhere you should have. And "you be underwhelmed"? Really?

The sink in the kitchen in work was blocked today. There was lots of dirty wate with coffee grinds floating on top. A rotund female co-worker said she wished people would stop washing coffee grinds down the sink.

I just poured a glass of lemon water with ice. 3/4 lemon juice (no sugar) to thwart the inset warnings of approaching gout. Too many Harvey Wallbangers while wiping seasonal mold from my vents because the air is turned too low.

I guess you showed me r61.

[R61] = most underwhelmed

R61 is such a woman.

[R61] A most underwhelming woman.

Discovered a really simple and delicious wrap that I've been making for lunch every day for the past 2 weeks. Shaved honey ham, pesto, grated cheese, pineapple chunks and arugula. Gather ingredients and roll up in a tortilla wrap.

Neighbor mowed my lawn today.

I've been having "whore's baths" for the last decade or so (because of my dry skin). But I recently realised that regular showers are useful to remove dead skin cells (because as you know our skin regenerates itself approximately every 27 days).

R70, you nasty. Shower and moisturize!

Occasionally, in the afternoon, I ask myself if I need to move my bowels.

And then . . . I ask myself 'Did I move my bowels this morning?'.

I like blue.

I have replied 1203 times and got almost 800 WW votes.

Is that good?

I bought Fritos today which I try not to do because I'm supposed to be eating keto, and I hoovered down half the bag already.

I've been retired for four months. I kept putting it off, but it was the best decision I ever made.

[quote]A vet said that green beans are a good way to help your fat dog lose weight

My dogs love frozen green beans, right out of the freezer. They think it’s the best treat ever. Low cal and healthy. (They love frozen carrots too.)

I'm not totally underwhelmed, R68. That sounds good. What kind of cheese? Are you cutting up the pineapple chunks to make them less, uh, chunky? Do you warm the tortilla to make it easier to wrap?

I am underwhelmed by this twisted metal thing in a narrow park overlooking Brighton beach on the bottom of England.

It's called The Aids Memorials and represents two human beings with twisted elongated legs who've had their penises removed.

Hi r78 -

Thanks. I realized after I pressed the "post" button that my post might not totally qualify as underwhelming. Anyway, with regard to the cheese, I alternate between Brie (4 small slices - length and thickness of your baby finger) or small handful of grated cheddar cheese. As for the pineapple, I bought a fresh pineapple and chopped that up into thumbnail size chunks. Maybe use 4 or 5 chunks in total (you don't want a soggy wrap). The fresh pineapple is night and day 1,000 juicier and more flavourful than the canned stuff.

Forgot to mention, I only use spinach tortillas. Mostly for the bright green color. I've been eating this wrap most of the summer come to think of it as a nice cold nutritional meal in the heat. So no, no heating of tortilla.

R68

R78 - This is the "tortilla" I use. It's soft, completely pliable.

R68

I went to the gym this morning. I asked the receptionist how she was doing. She said she has a new boyfriend, and smiled.

I like hamburgers again.

Wisconsin Public Television is conducting another Beg-A-Thon when they air the very best programs.

I watch, never contribute, and feel guilty.

Watched 1st episode of TESS (2008) last night

I was underwhelmed, and will not continue.

I am eating microwaved Totino’s Pizza Rolls for lunch.

That might be the most underwhelming lunch I can imagine, R86. Well done!

I saw the first new episode of "Tales of the City" last Sunday night.

I was so underwhelmed I haven't watched any more.

My OveGlove smells terribly after years of use. I am going to put it in the washing machine for the first time. I worry about shrinkage. I will hang to dry.

Shrinkage can be a whelming problem, R89.

I went to Costco. I let someone with one item go ahead of me at the checkout.

You're nice, r91.

"Zombie Tidal Wave" premieres tonight on Syfy.m 8:00 CST

I'm heading out to the store. I'll pick up dip. I already have Triscuits.

Thank you for the explanation, R68 [italic] et seq. [/italic]

Still not underwhelmed ...

I forgot to clock out from work this morning.

This SOULD be underwhelming, but my boss has been so weird and scattered that it could grow into more.

I'm happy today.

I'm happy you're happy, R95.

I watched a YT'er make fried chicken....interesting recipe....she dipped the chicken into prepared pancake mix (buttermilk) then into seasoned, self rising flour, then fried it in butter flavored Crisco...I might have to try this pancake mix idea. Oh and she used Tony Chachere's Original Creole Seasoning which I've eyed in the store but never bought, I might have to try that too.

I want to watch a cheesy sci fi movie tonight, but I’m not in the mood to browse through the horrendous Netflix interface in order to find something.

My OveGlove laundered beautifully, I must say.

I propose a collective lie down now, it's been quite an event.

I made blueberry pancakes for breakfast. They weren’t as tasty as they usually are.

I am resting in my hammock in my sunny garden with my umbrella above me acting as a parasol.

R101.

A random bum on the street just asked me if I would take some jewelry to a pawn shop for him. Gee, that doesn't sketchy at all. I politely declined.

I might make some macaroni salad for later. Then again I might not.

Goodness, R103. Next you'll be turning down a Nigerian prince's offer of half of his fortune.

I'm making chili even though the weather is horribly hot and humid today, because so many of the ingredients are at their peak right now.

Thank goodness for air conditioning.

It's currently 100 degrees in Washington, D.C., according to my weather app.

The sky is Grey.

- Mama Cass

[quote] My younger brother and his girlfriend were recently furnishing their first apartment. They're very young and don't have a lot of money. They've seen Friends and were convinced that Pottery Barn was 'cheap' so they went there and realized they were mistaken.

Pottery Barn used to be economical, like Conran's in the 80s & early 90s. Pottery Barn originally sold ceramic dishes, cheap cutlery sets in baskets , ceramic bowls, other kitchen goods, red gingham tablecloths and napkins. PB added rough plank pine dining room tables and natural fiber rugs . When I first moved to NYC, Pottery Barn stores were everywhere. They were really small. Every year I bought Christmas ornaments on sale post Xmas. I had hardly any money. There was a Pottery Barn Outlet on10th Avenue. I think it was the first pottery barn outlet in the metro area. 10th Ave was a kind of scary area back then.

Then all the small Pottery Barns started shutting down and PB decided to go with furniture. It dumped the cutlery and the homemade-looking ceramics and the affordable rugs. All the pottery barn stores in Manhattan shut down and just a few large stores were opened up.

(Another chain store came along that sold the kitchen/crockery stuff Pottery Barn used to sell. It was called Lechters. It overexpanded and went out of business).

People like me were shocked that PB started to charge the prices they charged. It had always been a cool, affordable place for young people. But yuppies happened and PB went with that demographic.

In the 2000s PB stripped most color from their inventory and went with a lot of beige, brown, dark brown, tan, white, off-white stuff. It took on a sort of British-colony-in-the-tropics decor. Lots of brown shutters and round-bladed ceiling fans with straw boaters flung about on leather chairs. They realized they could take cheap wood, paint it black and "distress" it, selling it for a huge amount of money.

When the apothecary table episode aired, Pottery Barn was middle-to-upper-priced. Not as vastly overpriced as it is now. It still sold lamps with the cost of the lampshade included and sold throw pillows for $35 instead of throw-pillowcases-without-the-pillow for $50-80.

It's kind of amazing that PB has survived. So many other businesses that came along at the same time and since then have gone under.

[quote] I felt the slight tickling of a headache approaching last night so I put a glass of water and some ibuprofen on my bedside table.... Then I remembered acetaminophen was better.....

Ibuprofen is *always* better than acetaminophen, particularly if you take 3-4 tablets at 200 mg each.

Ibuprofen has anti-inflammatory qualities.

Acetaminophen does not.

I'm having a terrible, terrible monarch butterfly season.

I have common milkweed & swamp milkweed, two favorite host plants upon which monarchs lay their eggs.

My common milkweed came down with a fungus that spread and wiped out the patch. Before it did though, my monarch caterpillars in the patch all died of either NPV virus, techinid fly parasitism, OE bacteria or predation by spiders & other insects. I tried to save the patch by doing things like clearing out competitive vegetation but I just got a terrible case of poison ivy

My swamp milkweed was decimated by tussock moth caterpillars virtually overnight. I'd never even seen them before (funny, no aphids this year). Only one plant has grown back.

At the beginning of the season I picked a bunch of swamp milkweed seedlings out of a flower bed and transplanted them way in my backyard. I told my husband where the new patch was and not to mow it. Two weeks later, he mowed it.

It's just starting to grow back and the plants are maybe 2-3 inches high. I went to check on the plants and they are full of monarch caterpillars. That's not good because there aren't nearly enough leaves to even sustain one caterpillar to chrysalis stage.

I just saw a male monarch that recently eclosed from a chrysalis (don't know where the chrysalis was). He is having trouble pumping his wings full of abdominal fluid and is falling over a lot. I guess it has OE, a fatal and highly infectious bacterial infection. One caterpillar formed a chrysalis yesterday but the chrysalis turned black on the bottom. It won't be viable.

Chaos theory is obviously true. Last year I had a great monarch season. This year, kaput. It literally is the butterfly effect.

R109, I remember Crate & Barrel being exactly like you describe. There was one on Greenwich Avenue in the Village IIRC, where I bought some of my first housewares. People called it Crap in Barrels. By the time I lived somewhere that had a Pottery Barn (DC in the '80s), it had already turned into that semi-expensive furniture store.

R112 here. Actually, I just read the Wiki pages for both Pottery Barn and Crate & Barrel, and it seems I have them confused, as their page says Crate & Barrel did not open a store in NYC until 1995. I guess it was Pottery Barn I shopped at on Greenwich Avenue (or some other store; it was right near Jeanne's Patio).

According to Zillow my house has gone down in value by about $600,000.

That's a pretty big drop since the beginning of summer.

I wonder if there's a bust coming soon.

I think my stray cat got hurt and went off to die. I think I have to let him go.

I'm gonna go back to bed, jerk off and take a nap.

I'm sorry to hear that, R115.

+1 with r117.

Did Barbra Streisand and Herb Alpert have an affair?

I'm trying to rationalise things now that I'm living alone.

I wash the dishes on alternating days so I've rationalised the crockery so they can be neatly stacked beside my sink prior to washing.

1. Large dinner plates, 2. smaller side plates, 3. shallow bowls, 4. deeper, capacious bowls.

The mustard I wanted to use for my sandwich had a pool of liquid on top when I opened the jar so I used my knife to stir it up before I put any on the bread.

I had nothing in the house suitable for breakfast but stale sourdough bread. I mean stale like HARD.

I dipped it in a bowl of [italic]café au lait [/italic]and felt like I was in a French orphanage.

Spotted plastic pumpkins in the grocery store display window today. Can't they hold off until at least September?

R122 - they could, but Labor Day decorations just aren't what they used to be.

r119 underwhelmed me To. The. Max.

I have 2 opened containers of milk going in the fridge.

It's mildly curious. But just mildly.

Debating whether to make oatmeal raisin cherry, walnut cinnamon cookies (with chocolate chips) or oatmeal energy bars. Butter is on the countertop as I deliberate this important question.

My car started smoking yesterday. I know nothing about cars. My husband was with me. We pulled over, wondered what was causing it, then got back on the road, drove to a farm stand and used their hose to fill the radiator. The Salvadoran guy who worked at the farm stand said the fan not cooling well enough.

The mechanic is closed on Sunday so I’ll have to wait until tomorrow to call them to come get my car. I think there’s a leak somewhere and I lost my coolant. But it could have been aliens.

I've got a Mighty Mite vacuum cleaner.

Vacuum bags are costly. I,therefore, pull out the debris and re-use them till the bag and cardboard start to give.

My neighbor seems to have her teenage granddaughter living with her now. She is constantly opening and shutting the front door to their apartment at all hours of the day. It's getting on my nerves.

[quote] She is constantly opening and shutting the front door to their apartment at all hours of the day

She’s going outside to smoke a joint. And she’s probably going out to buy or sell drugs, too.

R127, aliens are a possibility, but more likely Fred has started smoking again.

I’ve found the perfect sleep cocktail. I had tried the medical marijuana that was heavy on the THC, but I built up a tolerance real fast and it was too expensive to have to buy more and more cartridges.

My guaranteed sleep maker is Lunesta 3 mg, Soma 350 mg and 1 Dramamine (the old fashioned version, nit the newer non-drowsy formula).

Works like a charm.

Well my car is 15 years old R131, so that could be the problem

The Walt Disney Pictures logo has annoyed me since I was a child. The D looks like a backwards G. All these years later, I still can't un-see it.

I need to call an hvac guy, as the furnace isn’t working, and I will need it soon.

Haven’t slept all night.

Trump and Epstein raped a 13 year old. Ho-Hum.

I'm finally doing the laundry I've put off doing for days.

I finally caved and read Taylor Swift's diary entry about the Kanye/VMAs incident. Wow. These two are never going to become friends.

R109 Does Pottery Barn sell coffee tables?

R111 I wonder if you should crush some antibiotic pills and smear a bit of them on your milkweed. Maybe the butterflies will get better and survive.

I strayed from my usual drive-to-Walmart-shop-and-then-go-home strategy and stopped off for a small coke and large fries at Wendy's before driving home. The day was so much more fulfilling.

I have jury duty tomorrow. In Newark! I hope I get something tawdry.

Baby Lane shot Tupac

I just made myself a bowl of Honeynut Cheerios and milk. It tastes better when it is mushy. So I'm just going to let it set awhile before I actually eat it.

R144 Did Tupac survive this assault?

I will be taking my 80 year-old mother to the foot doctor. She has a hammer toe and her toenails need clipping. (Jealous, OP?)

I feel R111's pain. I haven't seen a single honey bee this year. I assume they are ALL dead.

I got a bad sunburn at the beach this weekend. I don't even like the beach.

I bough new socks yesterday. I just finished washing and drying my laundry, a laundry load that included the new socks. Now I have a drawer full of socks. Nice, clean socks. Such a good feeling.

I learned I shouldn't use the toilet brush down near the S-bend soon after flushing.

I sucked out that which was just past the S-bend.

I’m watching the MTV VMAs.

I’m avoiding hard work by enjoying DL instead.

I bought a bag of lemons just a few days ago, and almost half of them are moldy now. I got them at the 99 Cent Store so I suppose you get what you pay for.

I check my fruit before I buy them. I don't need to handle them but I can tell if they're on the edge.

I have 4 fruit and 3 veges daily (cooked, juiced and raw).

They fucking cancelled it. Rat bastards.

I'd like to serve on a jury, but I don't want to get up that early. Also, I dread being sequestered.

I was sequestered while on jury duty once. We were paired up in the hotel rooms. I ended up hooking up with my juror roommate.

I finally figured out why I always see tiny women driving Escalades, Yukons, etc. it's because they have adjustable gas/brake pedals. See, small people are in danger if the bring their seats up close to the brake and are too close to the steering wheel airbag. Adjustable steering wheels don't adjust enough to prevent being too close to an airbag. Those monster SUVs allow the brakes to come to the driver rather than the driver having to go to the brake.

R159 Do fat people ever drive them?

I'm wearing a pair of the new socks I bought and washed. So spotlessly clean. No little holes in them, no snags. Nope, just a solid pair of socks. Such a secure feeling.

R152 For the win.

The volume of my ejaculate is sparse. Even when I "save up " for a few days. And it's watery in consistency. My dishwasher is low on Jet Dry.

I used to be anxious that my ejaculate stained my bedsheets.

But now I keep a bundle of face washers under my bed.

flat peaches are tasty.

R163 and R164 are gross!

Pumpkin Spice Season is already underway. I bought these today.

Pumpkin spice flavoring upsets my stomach.

R166 Ejaculation is a natural function. God wouldn't have given it to us unless he wanted us to spread our seed until the day we die.

I love my Nutri-Blender.

In the spirit of this thread.....

Our breakroom refrigerator at work doesn't close all the way because of selfish jackasses who bring these giant cooler lunchbags that take up tons of space. How much freaking food do you need to store in the fridge for an 8 hour shift?

LMAO! R171 Thank you for that.

Ewww! R169 God doesn't want us doing gross or dirty things!!!

The only thing I’ve ever eaten beside pumpkin pie (hated it) that was pumpkin spice flavored was pumpkin spice popcorn from Trader Joe’s.

Oh wait, never mind. It was candy corn flavored popcorn.

I eat those little candy pumpkins that come out around Halloween time. So...we have kind of have something in common R175.

Madonna is out on tour.

R172. Is it the colored people? They eat a lot !!!

My niece just had her first birthday and she is still totally bald. Very sweet little girl.

End of Summer Discoveries August 29, 2019

I bought some milkweed from garden centre. There was a monarch caterpillar on one of them. Hooray, since all my caterpillars died on the milkweed (that's now dead) way in my backyard. I'm keeping the new milkweed plants on my back porch away from the way, way backyard.

I walked onto my pool deck for something and found a little instar 2 monarch caterpillar walking on the floor of the deck. iHuh? There are no milkweed plants anywhere near that deck. For like 300 yards. I picked it up and put it on a different milkweed on my back porch. Don't want it infected the other caterpillar if it has disease.

I walked over to the flower bed behind my deck. It's getting kind of buggy back there now that spider season is upon us. I have a big catmint that's attracting bees and there's a butterfly bush attracting little butterflies and bees. I decided to look behind the catmint to see if there was a stray milkweed seedling or two, so I put my hand down and EWW a snake shot right out from behind the catmint and slithered away so fast I thought it might have been a mirage.

Later I walked over to a flower bed in another part of the yard where there is a lone milkweed that hasn't been too successful. I check it every day for eggs and......there was an instar 3 monarch caterpillar on it. Where did that come from?

I walked all the way over to the other side of my house where I have some new butterfly weed still in their pots. I put my hand down to turn over the leaves and EWW something small and brown shot out from behind the pot. It was too fast to be a frog and definitely not one of the chipmunks (I wondered where the chipmunks went -- now I know. Snake). I'm guessing it was a rodent of some kind.

Those are my summer discoveries today.

Goddamned stink bugs are coming in the house.

I hate stink bugs.

I think I split the nail on my big toe. In half.

R180 needs to call the police!

My cat came home but he still has a hurt paw and I don't know what's wrong. I am broke or I would take him to the vet. I have fed him and housed him for 3 years...I did not think he would live this long.

We're having a spotted lanternfly invasion in Southeast Pennsylvania. They're pretty. Much better than the nasty stinkbug invasion some years ago, and they don't come inside, R181.

R184 - Call your local vet and enquire about medical assistance for your cat on 'compassionate" grounds. Also call animal shelters and see if they can assist. Do not leave this cat in its current state especially now that is not well. And suffering.

I'm so gratefully underwhelmed to read these posts.

lol, r177.

[quote[I think I split the nail on my big toe. In half.

How did you manage this? If the story is too whelming, feel free to ignore the question.

A cruelty free vegan friend of mine refuses to deal with the house fly situation in his kitchen and pantry. They are display people and keep many picturesque foods on display in exquisite woven baskets and majolica. I recommended old fashioned a) fly paper to suit the aesthetic. Refused. B) Electric zapper, refused. Whacking them dead with fly swatters is acceptable.

Can you anticipate the criteria?

Apparently:

A) flies squirm too long in glue before they die.

B) electrocution makes a horrible noise (which only makes me nostalgic for summer drive-ins on the Cape).

I like fly paper, myself. Just one, and change it every week.

[quote]I like fly paper, myself. Just one, and change it every week.

I would find seeing the same strip of dead flies hanging around for a week a bit whelming.

I have watered the grass. It still looks like shit, but at least it’s not thirsty.

Well my preference for fly paper isn't a better solution than the others, I agree. What a conundrum.

I think I figured out how a little monarch caterpillar got on my deck far away from milkweed. There’s been a little wren flitting around my porch and deck and the bushes of my flower beds eating up the spiders and flies and leaf hoppers. I’ll bet she grabbed the caterpillar off a milkweed and flew off with it, then dropped it when she got the taste in her mouth. Or she swallowed it whole and regurgitated it immediately because it’s poisonous.

I found a large monarch caterpillar last week, curled up in a part of the yard where there aren’t milkweeds. I picked it up, put it on a milkweed but it never ate anything and disappeared. Th little caterpillar I found yesterday didn’t eat anything either when I put it on a milkweed plant and I haven’t seen it today. Maybe it’s been internally injured from being in a bird’s beak.

I have a feeling a holiday is coming up, but I don't know what it is.

Nor do I care.

Lots of holidays coming up, R194. It's that time of the year.

I got a seat on the subway on my commute home.

I wish I knew, r188. I think I may have rammed my toe into a wall and didn't think much of it at the time. I'm trying to ignore the toe right now and hope it goes away.

- r182

I got a haircut today. It looks good.

I have a split nail on my big toe.

But it's more like a very small extra nail at the side of the big male. It's one twentieth the size of the big nail. I've had it all my life.

Sometimes I tear it out even though it hurts to do so.

I'm feeling a little whelmed over the death of Valerie Harper, even though it was hardly unexpected.

I'm eating some fresh local strawberries - hanging onto summer as long as I can.

Fresh local strawberries in late August? Isn't it blueberry season?

I just watched the only monarch caterpillar of the summer succeeds in making a chrysalis on my back porch. All the other caterpillars died. This one came from a garden center when I bought a milkweed last week, so it as healthy.

Wild Planet tuna is pretty good.

Too bad you didn't have a Caterpillar Cam so we too could enjoy being underwhelmed by your caterpillar. Seriously.

So I decided to indulge in Trader Joe’s Speculoos Cookie Butter Ice Cream. I thought, just a taste before dinner. I have now eaten the entire quart. And it had melted a re-froze so the texture wasn’t right. That entitles me to another quart tomorrow, right?

Yes, r205.

R199, at the risk of sounding too whelming, a foot doctor can pull that bit of nail out and put something under the cuticle that will kill the root.

There was some sort of gunk in the water along the tide line at the beach today. It kind of looked like frog eggs before they hatch into tadpoles. There were also millions of tiny little jellies. And teeny sand crabs. The water was absolutely alive.

It was also very warm. I was in Maine a couple of weeks ago and the water temp was lower up there by at least ten degrees.

That sounds whelming, R208. Had you wandered onto the set of an eco-horror movie?

Ugh. The "local" strawberries I bought yesterday taste like WATER. Guess it's back to raspberries for summer flavours.

- r201

I am washing my bed linens and later will go to an adult theater for oral copulation

There are still adult theaters?

I learned what grits are today.

It's like polenta.

If I did, R209, they must have striked the set overnight. The water was clear today with no wigglies at all.

Struck, R214??

Went surfing all day today. Waves were brilliant. By tomorrow, they will probably be too choppy to do any surfing.

Found another monarch caterpillar, which makes 4.

One was J’ing today, which is what they do before pupating into a chrysalis. Poor critter chose the underside of a leaf that kept banging up against a porch railing in the wind.

2 others are small, maybe instar 3.

The 4th one is a chrysalis.

This is what J’ing looks like. The caterpillar hangs in a J shape for about 12-24 hours, then pupates into a chrysalis

Also found 2 black swallowtail caterpillars on some Queen Anne’s Lace. This is what they look like

These are black swallowtails. Male is more yellow, female more blue.

These are black swallowtails. Male is more yellow, female more blue.

I get so anxious when I plant out a potted plant.

I don't like plants in pots because they require more watering.

But when do I plant them in the true soil it's almost impossible to gauge the death and angle when I'm bending over looking at it upside down, holding the upturned pot, and trying to discard the crocking.

The plaintiff on today's Judge Judy spells their name as 'Deystine".

Such gorgeous underwhelment, r216. Thank You.

I wonder how wealthy Judge Judy is.

A man who used to drop off fresh-picked wild blackberries to my elderly parents ( now deceased) knocked on the door. He was holding a plastic bucket of blackberries. He offered them to me.

After a bit of small talk, he drove away.

I dashed to the store. I bought fresh flour and a deep dish Pet Ritz Frozen Pie Shell.

Turn on oven to 425. 1/2cup flour. 1/2 cup granulated sugar. Mix with 3 1/2 cups blackberries. Spoon into bottom pie shell. Take other shell, trim, place over filling, crimp edges together let stand for 20 minutes to thaw and meld.

Place into oven for 15 mins. Turn down to 375 for another 20 or 25 mins. Let cool on rack.

Devour.

[quote]The plaintiff on today's Judge Judy spells their name as 'Deystine".

Judge Judy should have found for the defendant for that reason alone.

[quote]I wonder how wealthy Judge Judy is.

She's loaded. Her show has been on for years, and she makes a bundle from it.

I caught a mouse in my kitchen.

Caterpillar pupated but there’s black at the top. I think it’s the caterpillar’s shed exoskeleton that didn’t fall off. I don’t know if it will hurt the chrysalis but I’m not touching it. Let Mother Nature take its course, whatever it may be. Could wind up being a perfectly healthy butterfly.

My cats have fleas. This is going to cost me a small fortune to remedy.

Buy these and keep your cats indoors.

R222, your reply number reminds me of the TV show "Room 222". I sort of liked that show when I was a kid, but not very much.

I am a bit whelmed by your recipe. My not-very-whelming thoughts:

--a half a CUP of flour? That's a LOT of flour. Does it really mix smoothly with the juice from the berries? I should think you'd end up with a gluey mess. --I would put in a lot more than 1/2 cup of sugar, but I like my desserts very sweet. --A dash, no more, of salt makes any fruit-based dessert taste better. --I think you'll find Pillsbury refrigerated pie crust is better than frozen.

^^ fucking formatting ... sorry!

I keep my cats indoors, r227, but I have one who is preternaturally gifted at escaping as I open the front door. She’s the culprit who brings the fleas inside. I just yesterday put a Soresto collar on her and use FrontlinePlus for the others.

1/2 cup of flour is pretty standard for berry pies as they are very juicy and contain little or no pectin. I have best results with tapioca flour for my berry pies. I use Bob's Red Mill. The only problem with tapioca flour is that you should let the fruit and tapioca rest for several hours or even overnight before adding the sugar and filling the pie shell. I agree with R228 about the sugar - one cup is pretty standard - and also the dash of salt and the Pillsbury crust.

Normally I don't like these treacly posts, but I found this touching (probably because I love dogs so much):

I was vacuuming while watching TV and remembered how it used to be that when you vacuumed with the TV on, it disrupted the picture. That doesn’t happen anymore. I’m curious as to why, but suspect the answer would be whelming.

My new vacuum was delivered today.

It will most likely stay in the box until this weekend.

My new vacuum was delivered today.

It will most likely stay in the box until this weekend.

I removed the rocking chairs from my front porch in preparation for Dorian here in Central FL. Dorian missed my area altogether. The are still in my garage and I don't feel like lugging them back out, maybe I'll wait until Hurricane Season is over...

Some dumb, old, blonde hick showed up to my aerobics class wearing sweats and PF Flyyers.

I need to go to Dollar Tree and get a box of aluminum foil sheets, they are in pop up box like Kleenex, come in handy especially to line the little baking sheet for toaster oven.

So I’m fast asleep having another 9/11 dream (long story short I lived in Manhattan on 9/11, good times) when in my dream, as I’m trying to escape from work on a ladder going across the East River (no, didn’t happen in real life) the Emergency Broadcasting System signal goes off. It’s really loud. I’m saying “Shit why are they blasting that thing outside? It’s very distracting. I’m trying to escape here!” It keeps going louder and louder until I wake up and it’s my phone blasting the EBS signal. Fuck! There was a tornado warning just a few days ago and i didn’t get the EBS signal.

It finally stopped. I was so tired from working really hard outside yesterday, but I figured with hurricanes and tornadoes lurking about, I should get up and look at my phone which is across the room. I grumbled “Bet it’s another fucking amber alert and they’ve already found the kid.”

It was another fucking amber alert and they’d already found the kid.

I hate amber alerts. They scare the shit out of me and every single time it’s a misunderstanding and they’ve found the kid by the time that EBS signal is blasted. I don’t even know how to turn them off.

My new sneakers came in the mail today. They’re a half size too large. Back they go for an exchange.

I have been doing some mild stalking.

This instagrammer in my city obviously comes from a wealthy family and he's got a contract to wear imitation-speedos. He's more handsome than sexy.

I went to LInked-In to intuit that he took 5 years to do a basic course and now works as a car salesman which I guess allows him to spend a lot of time at the beach and go on overseas trips.

Do let us know what else you learn, R241, unless the details are too whelming.

R242 I'm whelmed by his nice speedos and his nice bulge but I suspect his rich parents would be unhappy if he shows too much bare flesh.

My ferritin level is low & my husband was getting pizza. I asked for a slice of basic white spinach pizza.

He comes home with a regular piece of pizza with 6 inches of spinach tossed on top.

Claims he went to 3 pizza shops and no one had white pizza w/spinach.

Wtf? .

I’m watching a rerun of Cannon and having my second margarita. Just noticed that Sgt Crowley from Police Woman is in this episode.

My car is really dirty inside.

I cleaned it....a little

Earl Holliman is still with us, R245, age 90. He was long rumored to be a homosexualist but never came out.

I know, r247. Never said he was dead, just that he was fine...

Don’t whelm yourself.

I realize you never said he was dead, R248. I was merely pointing that out for those who may not have known, or who may want to add him to a 2020 death pool. Just trying to be helpful.

Sorry, r247, r249 I didn’t mean to jump at you. The “Oh Dear!” and hall monitors on “hyper-mode” make posting as of late, very whelming.

I appreciate that, R248/R250. Posting should be fun, and never whelming. I'm sorry you've been made to feel that way.

Used my new Dyson vacuum on Sunday. I bought the one for animal hair because of my domestic short-haired cat, named Cosmo. I wear a FitBit on my left hand but vacuum with my right. Later Sunday night, I got a message from FitBit, congratulating me on 18 minutes of SWIMMING!!

I took my cat to the vet today. He pooped in his carrier, then got two shots at the vet and had a urine specimen taken from his bladder with a syringe. He also had his nails clipped. It’s a 40 minute drive to the vet each way, so he was pretty exhausted when he came home. He ate something, then went to his scratching pad to scratch his nails. When he discovered he couldn’t scratch because his nails were clipped, he promptly turned around and shat on the scratching pad. I guess that was the last straw for him.

My other 2 cats are now miffed they don’t have a scratching pad in the bedroom.

Canadian Federal elections kick off today. Same old same old.

Be grateful for same old same old.

Look what New Shit (Trump, Brexit) gets you.

R253 that sounds very whelming.

My new deck box arrived by truck yesterday. It was too big or heavy for UPS, I guess. I thought it snapped together. It doesn't and requires a total of 7 tools, including a rubber mallet as well as "at least" two people in order to assemble it, so I put it in the tool shed un-assembled where it will sit until the spring.

I refuse to be whelmed now. Besides, I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow at 9 am which will require me to drive 15 miles in rush hour traffic. I know I will be overwhelmed then, so I'm trying to be underwhelmed today. Perhaps it will all balance out, but I doubt that.

R257, I am whelmed just reading your missive. Oh, and what is a "deck box"?

A box that sits on the deck.

I shan't overwhelm either of us with further details.

If you wish to overwhelm yourself, for which I will take absolutely no responsibility, you may Google the term.

I fucking hate OptumRx

They stupidly put my Wellbutrin “in profile” in July instead of shipping it. I ran out in August. They said it wasn’t due to be mailed until September 26th, which was wrong. I spent a month on the telephone with them and they still won’t send it til September 16th. Because they made a mistake and won’t fix it. They should be called TrumpRX.

I’m exhausted without it

My neighbor is extremely pissed off at new neighbour's cat which has been pooping in her rhubard patch. She picked up each cat poop dropping, put them in a plastic bag awaiting an opportune time to confront the owners with the dastardly droppings.

Sounds overwhelming, R261, just to contemplate.

Keep us posted all the same.

R261 I'm keen to hear too. Too many people refuse to take responsibility.

I'll keep you posted r262 and r263. The "new neighbours" are Canadian. In fact, we all are.

Get your neighbor a scat mat

R260 Express Scripts is no better. My employer's plan dropped Optum because they were so bad but the service from ES won't win any prizes, either.

It costs $5 or $10 more depending on which "tier" the meds are in every three months to get them in person from a nearby druggist. No waiting by the mailbox for the stuff to arrive, no remote screwups and endless waits on hold, no one on the phone telling me "It's my goal to provide you with excellent customer service" while doing anything but - just the pills when you stop by to get 'em.

Amazon just bought Pill Pack and seems to have already integrated it into their system, might be something to try.

I've just put on woolly socks for the first time since about March. Summer is officially over.

Grace Kelly drove her car off a cliff today.

I was drooling over the Ralph Lauren ginger jar lamps at Home Goods and, as an early birthday present, my boyfriend bought me a pair. I ran out to buy new light bulbs and put them in. I turned them on and hugged the BF and said, "I always wanted a 3-way, thanks so much." just as I said that, my mam came out of the kitchen. BF had let her in whilst I was out but hadn't told me yet.

She told me she was so ashamed of me because she thought I was happy with my boyfriend. Couldn't stop laughing long enough to tell her I was talking about 3-way light bulbs.

That was very whelming news back in 1982, R269.

Cat Poop in Rhubarb Patch Update: Neighbor wrote stroppy note to owners of black cat and got a letter back basically absolving themselves of any responsibility or blame by suggesting other neighborhood cats could be a party to poop infested rhubarb patch. That did not go over too well. But neighbours seem to be keeping the cat indoors now. Peace has descended once again until the Next Violation.

R261

R260, I hear your complaint with OptumRx.

I take two prescriptions and have them both filled by OptumRx. They were filled at the same time until someone screwed up on their end when I asked to have the dates changed. (They were sending a 90 day prescription every 45 days so I had pills on top of pills.) The rep was supposed to change the date for both scripts but she miskeyed the date on one of them. That necessitated me getting a 15 day-refill from my Dr. to tide me over. They said they couldn't move the date up, for some unknown reason.

Last week, I received an email that by cholesterol med was getting ready to be filled. I counted out my pills for both prescriptions. I have a 2 month supply of both! Why would I need another 90 day supply??

I had ten strips of licorice last night after dinner. Half of them were raspberry-flavoured and half were chocolate-coated.

I was suffering on 'the pedestal' this morning.

I keep having dreams that I’m Larry David, or a Larry David-like person who goes around insulting and angering people. In one of my dreams the other night I was so awful that someone started hitting me on the shoulder with a sword, drawing blood that was spattering all over the place. I woke up and was having a cramp in my neck and shoulder front how I was positioned in my bed.

Sounds overwhelming, R275. Be careful. Dreams can sometimes a window to the future.

My dreams usually seem to be a window to my past, filled with regrets and the roads not taken. I sometimes wake up feeling a little whelmed.

I was in one of my flower beds where I saw a snake about a week ago. I was digging and I came across eggs buried in the mulch. Snake eggs! There was a clutch of 9 of them, plus one that had already hatched, leaving a perfectly round hole 8n the middle of the egg and a moist red membrane with a small anoint of gelatinous material that looked like uncooked egg white.

I was so excited I took pics and sent them to all my friends.

Then I went in the house to research. The snake I’d seen in the garden bed and been a big garter snake. Turns out garter snake# don’t lay eggs. Were they box turtle eggs? Some other reptile, like a skink?

Nope.

They were a fungus called mutinus elegans, also called stink horn and devil’s dipstick (though I’m sure it’s really called devils dick. I found someone’s old blog post to show what the “eggs” look like (the person posted in 2014 & probably still thinks they were eggs.

This is what they look like when they sprout. The “hatched” egg I found was undoubtedly one that had sprouted and the sprout probably died already. Anyway I had throw the “hatched egg” in the garbage and when I opened the garbage lid today to throw something away I nearly passed out from the horrible smell. No wonder they call it stink horn.

I can’t motivate myself to do anything and r279’s photo is not helping.

The smell of the stink horn is described as like rotting meat or 💩, but to me it smells like poison gas. Like the strongest chlorine gas in the world. You taste it in your throat it’s so strong.

It’s like how people describe stinkbugs as smelling like cilantro, but cilantro on steroids, just too, too much.

I think the Latin name for those stinkhorns translates literally as "dog dicks". Exciting, huh?

^^ And they arrived in that mulch, most likely. (Mycology is a hobby of mine.)

An alarming fungus is popping up quick

Called elegant stinkhorn or the devil’s dipstick

As distasteful to the nose as it is to the eyes

Its odor’s designed to attract pesky flies

Insects feed on the slimy stalk

And spread its spores around the block

A member of family Phallaceae and Mutinus genus

Most would agree that it looks like a penis

Yes it likes mulch but it also likes cool weather

Tomorrow will likely be whelming, so tonight I’m tired & wakeful at the same time.

I hate when that happens, R286.

The skin of my left upper knee/thigh edge is twice as crepey as the right one is.

Have you tried this, R288?

My disk drive arrived today.

In autumn, blue jays that were born during the summer are juveniles and they become very mouthy, like teenagers everywhere. In addition to yelling the usual blue jay alarm call (way too often), they also test what kinds of vocalization they can make.. You will hear lots of murmuring, whispering, whistling & other strange noises coming from blue jays this time of year.

That reminds me, R290. I need to pick up some carbon paper tomorrow. I'm almost out.

Can you get me a typewriter ribbon for my Selectric while you're out, R292?

Sure thing, R293. Does anyone else need anything? Spoolies, maybe?

I could use some tape for my Dymo Tape machine, if it's not too much trouble.

This is an an underwhelmed thread. Go start your own nostalgia thread and fill it up with obsolete goods.

Underwhelmed threads tend to die off when they're invaded by crabby posters like R296.

My leg hurts. It's waking me up at night. It's the front thigh area, which us ax strange place to have pain. My dr upped my statins. That might be it. My mother had PAD, so I need to think about that, too.

I want some peach cobbler. tomorrow, I'm cleaning my bedroom and planting a dwarf spruce.

I reorganized my linen closet today.

I’m just downright fussy & ornery today. That’s all, I’ll leave you guys alone now.

I just cut down the hibiscus.

A word to the wise: Do not eat anything off of your shirt when you have three dogs jumping on you.

Last night I came upon a film about Studio 54 while channel surfing. It was so awful! Mike Meyers wearing face prosthetics looking like a cross between Austin Powers, Dieter from Sprokets and Shrek. I had nightmares. The film was creepy, but in the wrong way.

I watched my last monarch come out of it’s chrysalis today. I love watching that. It was a girl.

My left wrist started hurting last evening for no reason and still hurts this morning.

Do I have left wrist cancer?

P.S. I'm right-handed.

I doubt that it's wrist cancer, R306. Probably the early stages of rheumatoid arthritis. I'm not sure whether that qualifies as "good news."

R306 - dead by now

My back hurts, so I’m having a lie-down. I hope I don’t fall asleep.

I don't think I've ever had a lie-down without falling asleep.

Anybody want to close this thread and start an underwhelmingly fresh Fall Winter Thread?

Done, R311.

Not one of you cunts told me the iPhone 8 had a bionic chip. I’ve been poking a 5SE fucking up every word. I’m going to buy one and use the running music as my ringtone.

I don't know what get fuck you're talking about.

Thank you, r314. I was afraid I was the only one.

The iphone8 has a “bionic chip”. I’m buying said phone and using the “Six Million Dollar Man” running music as my ringtone.

My current tiny iPhone creates too many errors and yeah I was stoned.

THOSE FUCKING STINKBUGS ARE TRYING TO GET INTO MY HOUSE AND THEYVE MULTIPLIED BY THE HUNDREDS!

I never even saw or heard of these things 5 years ago.

You sound a little whelmed, R317.

R317, where are you? I am a bit whelmed by them this year. They've been around in eastern PA for 15 years or more, but this year is especially bad. Maybe it's the heat.

I would watch competitive yoga we’re it featured at the olympics.

Same here, R317. I've killed 2 inside my home just this week. I don't smell anything when I kill them though. Last week, I had about 6 on my balcony and bathroom screens. My challenge is getting to them before my cat does!

R321, I spray them with Raid through the screen. If you get them on the underbelly, they drop pretty quickly. If you spray them topside, so to speak, it takes longer.

I'm gonna pretend I'm a Libra this month. Yay! for Libra God damn it/

I'm gonna pretend I'm a Libra this month. Yay! for Libra God damn it/

I purchased a 2 pack great value enema at walmart today . Only 1.50!!!

[quote] I Want to Be Underwhelmed

Try looking in the mirror

Order! Order!

Thanks for the tip, R321. I have to use a pet-safe bug spray so no for Raid for me.

The neighborhood Nazi is having his annual Oktoberfest party. Lots of shouting and oompah music. He really splashes out - gets 3 big white tents, heaters, etc. That costs an arm and a leg here because this is gala-fundraising ground zero for the 1%. Those tent companies jack up the prices 5-10x out here. It's still"the season" because now we have "harvest season" as well as summer season.

I wanted to go get a Pumpkin Spice latte because it's fall but it was rather warm so I got an iced Pumpkin Spice latte instead. I got a slight eye roll from the barista when I asked for whipped cream. I went home, got the number for that Starbucks but only got a recorded message. I really want to report him. I'm upset. Autumn has been cool enough yet. That upsets me too.

Order! We shall have order here!

We need a “whelmed” thread. My iPad fucking updated last night and installed iOS 13.1.2 and it sucks. I can no longer used my cursor to delete one letter in a word. I now have to delete the whole word & retype. On twitter I could install 4 pictures in a tweet. Now I can only install one picture per tweet.

I fucking hate Apple.

I looked up how to uninstall software update on an iPad and they all say to go to general, them storage and cloud. There isn’t any storage and cloud. Just storage and it only lists apps. When I went under software, it shows iOS 13,.1.2 but nothing happens when I tap it. There’s no delete option.

I fucking hate Apple

^worse than Pol Pot

LeVar Burton reads sort-of chilling, incidentally lesbian fiction on his podcast, "Levar Burton Reads."

^Worse than r332

Today is my birthday.

And Procol Harem’s Whiter Shade of Pale is a sound worm infesting my brain for no reason at all.

Happy birthday, R336. To celebrate, I suggest that you go out and skip the light fandango.

Hooligans!

R332, I agree completely. I despise this new update, I make so many errors now and I blame the keyboard.

How much money does that fucking Korean boi band pay to keep trending on twitter?