Let's be a Sumerian gay porn production

I'm the location at the Tigris river.

I am the movie's tagline: One swallow does not a Sumer make.

I'm the papyrus condoms.

I'm the scene filmed at the glory holes in the Hanging Gardens.

I'm the autoerotic asphyxiation set-up in the 'Hanging Gardens.'

We are Enmerkar, Entana, and Mesannipadda, the very well endowed Gardens triplets - We are also known around the market and the aquaduct as the "hanging gardens". We have a cameo appearance.

I'm Ningizzida, bareback slut extraordinaire, and I'm2Hot2BeBelieved

I’m the glamorous, cheated-on wife (non-sexual role)

I am The Pendulous One. Some tell time by the shadow my manhood casts against the stone.

I'm Nefertitty, the original shemale. Many of you will hate me in scene 3.

I am the romantic make-out scene, with burning rushes casting passionate shadows on the wall.

Tallow drips...

I hear the actor used to be a Hook-Ur.

But his ass is still so Hit-tite!

I'm Eshtar, the lewd flasher at the irrigation canals

I'm Nebuchadnezzar in the artsy dream sequence. First I swallow seven fat cocks. Then I swallow seven thin cocks.

What does it all mean?

I'm Nethezzda, overseer at the Palace of Plentiful Dicks.

I'm shutting you bitches down until I find that missing chickpea!

I think we found the perfect farm wife that walks in on her husband and his step son!

I'm Gilgamesh, currently fluffing the Bull of Heaven, and I think ya know why they call him that.

I'm Buttatum. I'm the ticket taker at the 24-hour bathhouse. We put the mess in Messopotamia!

I'm In Da Man. I wear flowing kaftans and offer free fluffing services to all the young Sumerian hunks.

I'm Sodom, the only place you can legally film this mess.

r17 and r18, not in front of my hummus!

I am Matta Damania. I make an appearance late in the production. What am in silhouette in the twilight? You tell me. Do your eyes deceive you? Or do I deceive you?

I am Ur-na, and I eat freely from the dung piles for a shocked audience.

It ain't a John Waters movie, Urna, move it along, toots.

I play the confused son in "That Certain Sumerian".

I watch my cousin get eaten by a pack of boys in "Suddenly Last Sumerian".

I'm Ass-Tarty.

I'm Asharru, a Sumerian frau. I pensively cradle my mug by the hearth after my hubby Yahdun comes home smelling of lube and musk.

I anxiously await the end scene, with many emissions spraying like waterfalls!

We shall fill the Euphrates with jizz, r31, don't you worry your pretty little big eyed head.

I am Puzur-Ishtar, maker of the finest beer this side of Mesopotamia. I will sing a hymn to Ninkasi as I brew up a massive quantity of beer to quench the thirst of the film crew.

I'm Yvonne de Carlo. I play the Sumerian Frau.

[quote] don't you worry your pretty little big eyed head.

I am not as young as I appear.

That is why they call me Kurt Wild-Ur.

We are the Gala priests of the goddess Inanna, temple musicians and ceremonial gay prostitutes.

We shall serve as both percussion players to keep the thrusts moving in an appropriately vigorous way.

And we shall fluff the shit out of the actors. Well, that's not quite the way to put what we'll be doing.

me neither r35, everyone thinks I'm 3500.

I'm part of the all-star cast of "The Boys of Sumer".

I'm the BaitChariot. Virile, Sumerian soldiers are enticed to ride inside of me with the promise of fucking a young maiden, but once inside, he is blindfolded and fooled into secret anal and oral with a gay bottom.

I’m the pre-papyrus condom productions, generally considered hotter than the ones produced in the 1990s BC.

I’m the closing credits written out in cuneiform.

Do I have a code for that, r39? I probably do, but I'm willing to let it go for a free pass.

I am the rock hard images.

We are the Priests of Cybele. Google us if you dare, but lets just say, Trans ain't a new thing.

you bitches crack me up

I am the mighty warriors bedroom, tastefully decorated by a Sumerian gay flown in from the coast, in the style of Sumerian Mid-Century.

fgstger

That better not be 13th century, r46, cause that was a pile of puke.

Now mid 14th century, we're talkin.

In the cold open I shall lay with Sargon and plead for him to spurt his seed into my Fertile Crescent.

Yikes, girl, we just need you to read for Third Charioteer.

I'm the theme song - Sumer is a Cumming in

“It’s the cradle of civilization, for crying out loud! You’d think you’d be able to find a decent big black dildo.”

R52, "You can enter my cradle of civilization."

I am the opening line: "I Know Who You Did Last Sumer!"

I'm the statue of pazuzu, king of maintaining hard cocks.

I am the jewelry of Ninbanda financing the men going up into the men.

I am legendary filmmaker Kurishtim Biyorun. My 3rd Millennium works are gay cinema classics that used to play on double bills at the Golden Calf Palace Theatre. Titles like The Boys from Eridu; Frisky Sumer; Hot Sumer Nights; The Other Side of Kish, Parts 1 and 2; A Sailor in Sippar; Carnival in Nippur; Hot Times in Little Borsippa, brought great joy to developing boys throughout the Fertile Crescent.

But now, I am slumming it doing cheap Bait Chariot videos streamed directly to your tablets.

The Other Side of Kish is a Sumerian classic. Part 2 was a sad rip off.

I am Manishtushu (my friends call me Man's Tushy) and I bring the Sumerian fleet enemas.

I'm Dippur Does Dilbat.

I'm the on-set stylist. Somehow or other I have to bring these actors' manscaping level down from Kumbaba's forest to ducks-on-a-mudflat. With this flint knife that's going to take until the next lunar eclipse!

I am pretty Ninil, sitting on the sidelines, in case these "gay-for-pay" boys are in need of fluffing. So far, they are managing on their own, so I help around by picking up the lunch order and cleaning up the spooge.

I’m the barley cakes delivery guy.

It’s my first day on the job AND I get to deliver to a movie set!

AND they asked me to be in the movie!!

AND the movie’s called...The Barley Cakes Delivery Guy!!!

What’re the ODDS??!!

I need the Barley Cakes Delivery Guy inside me quite deeply.

Hello.

I’m Meskalamdug.

I am the 49th load in Shulgi’s 50 Load Weekend.

I'm the Ziggurat Cumdump

I'm the director of Barley Cakes Guy - He Delivers!

I'm thrashing not thresheng behind the Bakery.

It's hot and heavy work, we can always use more hands.

Where is our Barley Cakes Delivery guy? He's been gone a good long while.

BRAVO

This production features lots of nudity. We are all fore skin!

I am Sumer’s Eve, and I have the unenviable task of douching the players.

I love to show off my stiff manhood for an audience.

I'm the Insatiable Assyrian

In our hot 'soldiers on soldier' scene, we start two alpha males challenging each other in Chariots of Grease Fire.

I volunteer to be the Soggy Barley Cake!

I'm Jeff Stryk-Ur.

I am the on-set catering. Goat cuts sandwiches and leek-and-lentil salad for everyone today.

My favorite thread in a long while!

I am the Senatrice. I have been here forever, arriving with the dirt and the floods.

OP posts a Greco-Roman relief picture for a Sumerian subject.

LOSER

I’m the famous orgy scene in “The Other Side of Lagash.” I’m quite controversial, for showing Hittites and Canaanites penetrating Sumerians and vice-versa. Some just aren’t ready for such progressive diversity in Sumerian porn.

How do I sign up for the double penetration scene?

I wish to be the centerpiece of the warrior celebration scene! Let me be the sheath for their swords.....both of them!

Guys, our diet is primarily lentils and chickpeas. Maybe we should just stick to oral scenes until someone invents Pepto Bismol.

I hear the bottom in the scene has a moist, inviting anus.

[quote] “The Other Side of Lagash.”

No gashes here!

I’m working title MessOnMyTaint-ia

Pounded by the IstanBull !

I'm the star of Ur A Whore, Darlin'

I'm the frankinscence poppers littered all over the set

I am Humbaba. My penis ends in a serpent's head so I'm popular on the set.

I'm the rough trade.

I'm the Sumerian Fly aphrodisiac made up of the scarab beetle.

I’m Ba’al. Bottoms scream my name when they’re penetrated.

Oh Ba'al, bottoms scream your name when they're not penetrated too.

I’m the crystal m’eth, turning these brave Sumerian warriors into messes.

I'm doing this to pay for my pottery classes.

They drummed you out of Dilbat, so you come crawling back to Babylon. Well Babylon doesn't go for booze and dope!

I'm Chat-UR-Bate. Right now it's just a primitive thing with men pleasuring themselves in front of window openings with curtains, but I think the premise has a future.

I'm the clay dildo.

I'm Dah-Sun's crack.

I'm the olive oil lube.

I'm the cuneiform script tablets

I'm in the hump scene with the camel.

In the explosive scene "Goat Milk Boy, He Delivers", the line "He Got Milk" makes the guys clutch their necklaces and pectoral ornaments.

I am one of the MARY! Sumers, who will go into the arena and battle bitches for the right to be the movie's fluffer.

Mother, I fear I am possessed. When Burrous-Ipqu returned from his weekly trip to Kish his kaunakes was in a terrible state, as it usually is after these trips. Blighted chickpea once again, I fear.

As I was preparing to launder it, a tiny stone vial fell out. I opened it and took a big sniff, and that’s when it happened — I felt the demon enter through my nostrils and rise up into the top of my head, dizzying and possessing me!

Mother, you must gather the elders and invoke Nusku on my behalf right now!

I'm gay porn superstar Tigris Tyson.

I'm the Bronze Age, but I'm transitioning.

I’m the Cher Farewell Tour (ll) music being piped in by a coverband of body-accepting transvestites.

I’ll love you after the Boys of Sumer have gone.

I'm Hettup-Ur spread-eagled on a goatskin-sling and with a bronze ballgag in his mouth.

I’m the sour goats milk. I’m used to mask the odor of smegma.

I'm the for-hire groomer, working at the Sumer Swimming Hole, where I enjoy trimming hole.

I'm the Babylonian Captivity bondage scene,

Cut! Cut! Cut! An damn it—Who put that Akkadian in the orgy? Ain’t nobody wanna see that.

I'm Enkidu-me.

Once the young princes of Sumer see THIS posterior, the erotic charge will be uncontrollable! It will be....The Fappening!

I'm the Whore of Babylon, Ish-ka Pish-ka.

My magic mouth is open to all soldiers and sailors, and on a slow Saturday, anyone under 2051.

I am the pliant Sumerian slut Kevin-Ur. Whether thou cummest - I cum.

“Kish Kish Bang Bang”

I'm the mudbrick bed that has been waterproofed by the nacreous layer of permacum that has built up over the years.

“Kish me, you fool!”

I am the Sumerian tablet, slightly bigger than an iPad Mini, that has what you’d call screenshot dick pics.

I am the movie Casting Director. With a life expectancy of 45 years for men, I struggle to find that sweet spot between “too twinkish” and “too old” actors.

I'm the shekel shot.

I play one of two scribes who get off track when left alone all afternoon to copy cuneiform records of land transactions between the temple of Inana and the royal household. You won't believe the novel uses we find for our wedge-tipped styluses!

“Akiya, Akiya: A Young Warrior’s Strange Erotic Journey from Uruk to Nippur”

“And his rose-tinted anus erupting with life-giving...”

CUT! SHERINTUHJGGGGG, when did you eat corn????

What is that one figure holding in his hand? A dildo?

I'm the guy who afterwards has to clean the cum stains off earthen floor of the rented mudhut.

We are Shabaka and Taharqa from the land of Wawat. We were brought here for "diversity casting," but we all know it is to satisfy your racial fetishes.

I'm the confused guy who responded to the ad saying they needed someone who knew how to plow.

We're the actors in the 153 position because we have a base-6 numerical system.

Get ready for the straights-only sequel: ISHTAR IS BORN!

Ha!!

Did the OP ever explain why he used a pic of a Greek engraving for the wrong culture?

CLEVERNESS FAIL

R136, don't you know hilariously intentional cultural appropriation when you see it?

CAMP FAIL for the snipe.

I am the brutal Snuff P0rn. See OP's linked example.

(OP, I think in your linked photo, the younger guy is - literally - KNIFING the older guy in the ribs with his right hand and SPEARING him in the lower abdomen with his left hand.)

We're the Noll brothers, here for the Class of 1984 (BC)

Sorry, but I didn't pay a whole month's salary so I could watch Wez-zu-Li Wu'Udz mount some woman! I'm not made of shekels, and if I'm paying to see sodomy, IT'S SODOMY I SHALL HAVE!