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Let's be an episode of M*A*S*H.

I'm Clinger's hairy back in any revealing dress.

by Anonymousreply 22904/24/2019

I'm the canned laugh track that replaces actual audience at home laughter.

Seriously, this show sucked and was NOT funny. It is an enigma.

by Anonymousreply 104/11/2019

I'm the perpetual zit on Radar O'Reilly's forehead.

by Anonymousreply 204/11/2019

I'm Klinger, angry that his name was misspelled in OP's post.

by Anonymousreply 304/11/2019

Very overrated especially Alan Alda....

by Anonymousreply 404/11/2019

I'm Colonel Potter, turning up in a very early season as a crazy general.

by Anonymousreply 504/11/2019

I'm the insufferable sanctimony of Hawkeye.

by Anonymousreply 604/11/2019

I'm the very 80's perm that Hot Lips rocked in the last couple seasons despite the show being set in the early '50s.

by Anonymousreply 704/11/2019

I'm all the casualties that suddenly pour into the hospital off the helicopters or ambulances like a [italic]deus ex machine[/italic], saving Hawkeye and his sidekick du jour from getting into lots of trouble because of their zany hijinks.

by Anonymousreply 804/11/2019


by Anonymousreply 904/11/2019

R1 and R4, I totally agree. I grew up in the 1970s and was in high school in the 1980s. I remember I went to a huge party for the final episode when I was in high school. I was a freshman and most of the party was upperclassmen, but the sister of the girl who threw the party was in my class and some of us were invited as her friends. I sat in front of the TV for a while and made fun of how much the show sucked until some of the upperclassmen fans of the show started to get pissed at me. Everyone was dressed in scrubs at the party. I remember as I was ushered out of the living room by a couple senior girls, I drunkenly yelled, "MASH sucks!" I was right.

by Anonymousreply 1004/11/2019

How dare you! How very dare you!

by Anonymousreply 1104/11/2019

I'm Larry Linville, hoping the world will understand that I am nothing like Frank Burns.

by Anonymousreply 1204/11/2019

I'm the jocularity!

by Anonymousreply 1304/11/2019

When Col. Henry Blake's plane spun into the sea, I'll admit, I welled up. Tears streaming.

by Anonymousreply 1404/11/2019

I'm Jeff Maxwell. I played "Igor" over many seasons. I'm hawt!

by Anonymousreply 1504/11/2019

I'm Col. Potter's Potterisms.

by Anonymousreply 1604/11/2019

I'm Rufus Wainwright's dad appearing on MASH back in the day

by Anonymousreply 1704/11/2019

I'm the lousy cup of coffee Hot Lips wanted her nurses to share with her.

by Anonymousreply 1804/11/2019

I am the theme song, that not everyone knows actually has lyrics and is called Suicide is Painless (It brings on many changes)

by Anonymousreply 1904/11/2019

I am also the theme song, and I am the most annoying thing you could ever possibly hear.

by Anonymousreply 2004/11/2019

We’re the DVD versions that take the laugh track out. The show actually is better without it.

by Anonymousreply 2104/11/2019

I'm BJ Hunnicutt's sexy mustache and immense cock.

by Anonymousreply 2204/11/2019

I'm the movie, which was a thousand times better.

by Anonymousreply 2304/11/2019

I'm the Korean War. I didn't last as long as M*A*S*H did.

by Anonymousreply 2404/11/2019

I always hated M*A*S*H and I love you all for reminding me why. This thread is funnier than that show ever was.

by Anonymousreply 2504/11/2019

Yes, we know there are people who hate the show here. You have been seen and recognized.

Now, try not to fill up 175 more posts telling us how much you hate the show. I'm sure there's a "Golden Girls: Were the Cheesecakes Made In Glass Pie Plate or Cheap Aluminum Throwaway Pie Dishes?" thread somewhere to visit.

by Anonymousreply 2604/11/2019

I'm Mariette Hartley guest starring as Inga, whom Hawkeye is captivated by.

by Anonymousreply 2704/11/2019

I'm Alan Alda's smug sanctimony posing as likability!

by Anonymousreply 2804/11/2019

R26 I agree with you about the haters, but aren’t cheese cakes pretty much made in springform pans?

by Anonymousreply 2904/11/2019

We’re Disney. We own it now. Hawkeye and Trapper have the same corporate overlords as Dorothy, Rose, Blanche, and Sophia. Bwahahahahahahahahaha!

by Anonymousreply 3004/11/2019

I'm Father Mulcahy, who never made us feel guilty for being human.

by Anonymousreply 3104/11/2019

R18 wins the prize!

by Anonymousreply 3204/11/2019

I'm Blythe Danner guest-starring as Carlye, a nurse that Hawkeye used to live with and never got over.

by Anonymousreply 3304/11/2019

I'm the fire that burned the location set while the finale was being filmed, and got put into the script.

by Anonymousreply 3404/11/2019

I'm the picture of Mildred on Potter's desk, waiting for my man to return (which we got to see in AfterMASH).

by Anonymousreply 3504/11/2019

I’m Sally Struthers wondering how [italic]AfterMASH[/italic] got a second season when my spinoff, [italic]Gloria[/italic], was gone after one.

by Anonymousreply 3604/11/2019

I'm Woody Allen who liked Donald Ogden Stiers enough to cast him in 5 movies after the series had finished.

by Anonymousreply 3704/11/2019

I’m Angela Lansbury who liked him enough to have him on [italic]Murder She Wrote[/italic] multiple times and to have him co-star with me in [italic]Beauty and the Beast[/italic].

by Anonymousreply 3804/11/2019

I'm DAVID Ogden Stiers, and I just kicked R37 in the snatch.

by Anonymousreply 3904/12/2019

I’m Johnny Mandel getting rich off the royalties from the theme song. Play it any style you want as long as I get paid.

by Anonymousreply 4004/12/2019

I'm Wayne Rogers, and I got miffed that my "Trapper John" role had been steadily diminished in favor of Alda's "Hawkeye Pierce," so I left the show and made myself incredibly wealthy by astute investing.

Since I hailed from Birmingham, AL, I retired to my home state's Redneck Riviera, where I died farly recently.

by Anonymousreply 4104/12/2019

I’m Pernell Roberts. I took over your role for the dramatic spinoff [italic]Trapper John, M.D.[/italic] and died before you, R41.

by Anonymousreply 4204/12/2019

Whoever cast that show did a stellar job in replacing main characters with actors who proved to be just as memorable in their roles:

Col. Henry Blake --> Col. Sherman Potter

Maj. Frank Burns --> Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester

Capt. Trapper John McIntyre --> Capt. B. J. Hunnicutt

by Anonymousreply 4304/12/2019

I’m Elliott Gould. I was Trapper John in the movie. I outlived both you gentile impostors only to take a recurring role in the worst sitcom ever, [italic]F(r)iends[/italic].

by Anonymousreply 4404/12/2019

I'm Sharon Gless, who replaced Lorretta Switt in Cagney and Lacey after the producers of Mash wouldn't let her out of her contract.

by Anonymousreply 4504/12/2019

I’m McLean Stevenson. I did get out of my contract to hop from flop to flop. First [italic]The McLean Stevenson Show[/italic], then [italic]In the Beginning[/italic], then [italic]Hello, Larry[/italic], then finally [italic]Condo[/italic]. All while this show was still running. My agent is so fired it’s not funny, even compared to these clunkers.

by Anonymousreply 4604/12/2019

I'm the earlier episodes, which seem decidedly misogynistic in today's climate.

by Anonymousreply 4704/12/2019

I’m the mess hall.

by Anonymousreply 4804/12/2019

[quote]I'm the earlier episodes, which seem decidedly misogynistic in today's climate.

I’m the book, which I’m surprised feminists haven’t burned yet. Maybe they would if I were a bra.

by Anonymousreply 4904/12/2019

I'm all the episodes where one or more of the doctors would leave camp leaving no one to care for the wounded that could arrive at any time.

by Anonymousreply 5004/12/2019

I’m a Korean-language version of an old standard.

by Anonymousreply 5104/12/2019

I'm the voice on the loud speaker, who is NEVER identified.

by Anonymousreply 5204/12/2019

I'm the Australian anesthetist from the first few series, who had a worse Australian accent than Meryl (Uh diingoo stole my baibeee).

by Anonymousreply 5304/12/2019

I'm Colonel Potter's giant nostrils.

by Anonymousreply 5404/12/2019

[quote]I'm the Australian anesthetist from the first few series, who had a worse Australian accent than Meryl (Uh diingoo stole my baibeee).

That was Ugly John, played by John Orchard in season 1. He was also the first of the many vendors on Portobello Road in [italic]Bedknobs and Broomsticks[/italic].

The book and movie also had a character named Spearchucker Jones. Needless to say, he didn’t make the jump to TV.

by Anonymousreply 5504/12/2019

I'm Sally Kellerman, Oscar nominated for the movie version as "Hot Lips", glad that I turned down the series so I could go onto star in one of the most beautiful family musicals of all time.

by Anonymousreply 5604/12/2019

I'm Gwen Verdon doing a guest appearance in my quest to be considered a serious actress. I played a stripper, and that's acting because I never was one in real life.

by Anonymousreply 5704/12/2019

[quote]I'm Sally Kellerman, Oscar nominated for the movie version as "Hot Lips", glad that I turned down the series so I could go onto star in one of the most beautiful family musicals of all time.

And by the time it was off the air and that movie became one of the ones used to call musicals dead (a self-fulfilling prophesy if ever there was one) she got cast in another family musical (albeit non-singing) as the voice meddling Miss Finch in [italic]Sesame Street Presents: Follow that Bird[/italic]. Coincidence or not, Big Bird’s teddy bear is named Radar.

by Anonymousreply 5804/12/2019

I'm Dr. Sidney Friedman, psychiatrist. I get a lot of work around here, which I'm well qualified to do, for in real life I was married to Diane Arbus.

by Anonymousreply 5904/12/2019

I'm the lamb Radar rescued from a Greek unit Easter meal.

by Anonymousreply 6004/12/2019

I am Hot Lips headache when she wants to push a horny Frank away -- not to be confused with Mrs. Stephen's sick headaches on Bewitched.

by Anonymousreply 6104/12/2019

I'm Lieutenant Colonel Donald Penobscot!

by Anonymousreply 6204/12/2019

[quote]I'm Gwen Verdon doing a guest appearance in my quest to be considered a serious actress. I played a stripper, and that's acting because I never was one in real life.

And she wasn’t really my Aunt on my show either. Just pretending.

by Anonymousreply 6304/12/2019

I'm Pat Hingle playing a hardass colonel pranking the team who fakes a heart attack. I'm good at heart attacks because I did one in Norma Rae too.

by Anonymousreply 6404/12/2019

I'm Dr. H. Richard Hornberger and I wrote the book that the movie and show are based on and I hate them both!

Those Hollywood Jews ripped me off on the movie rights and I especially hate the TV show because it's full of lefties and liberals and homos and gook lovers.

And I really hate Alan Alda because he made Hawkeye, who was based on me, a pussy!

I'll write more books that will be ignored by future generations and I'll die bitter.

by Anonymousreply 6504/12/2019

Good riddance, R65, you homophobic breeder hack!

by Anonymousreply 6604/12/2019

I’m the dip in the writing quality after Larry Gelbart left.

by Anonymousreply 6704/12/2019

I'm Radar's deformed hand, which he hides in his pocket or behind his clipboard.

by Anonymousreply 6804/12/2019

I'm DL watching and bitching non-stop. I hate everything.

by Anonymousreply 6904/12/2019

Especially you R69!

by Anonymousreply 7004/12/2019

I’m the scenery. I’m chewed to pieces.

by Anonymousreply 7104/12/2019

[quote]The book and movie also had a character named Spearchucker Jones. Needless to say, he didn’t make the jump to TV.

Yeah he did, R55. He was in the first season.

by Anonymousreply 7204/12/2019

I am Shelley Long who played Nurse Mendenhall in a 1980 episode called Bottle Fatigue.

by Anonymousreply 7304/12/2019

I found the show practically unwatchable until Charles Emerson Winchester appeared.

by Anonymousreply 7404/12/2019

I'm Karen Hall brought in to humanize Margaret Houlihan after my ground-breaking feminist work on Eight is Enough.

by Anonymousreply 7504/12/2019

R22 I prefer BJ without the mustache. And you know he's packing an anaconda in those boxers.

by Anonymousreply 7604/12/2019

I'm Carmen Mathews as Colonel Lillian Rayburn, who has the hots for Colonel Potter, and proving that seniors can still be horny.

by Anonymousreply 7704/12/2019

I'm Colonel Flagg. I've got a tight as fuck body, but I'm also a paranoid schizophrenic.

by Anonymousreply 7804/12/2019

The show did not age well. Considering that the Korean War was only three years long and the show ran for ten, The timelines were way off. That pretty much made no sense at all - like an episode per day.

And the actors who thought they were hot shit and walked away from the best gig of their lives, only to fall flat on their faces. Not the late Wayne Rogers, because he was smart enough to invest his money and quit acting after House Calls went off the air. He was quite wealthy at the time of his passing. McLean Stevenson, Gary Burghoff, Larry Linville...unable to repeat their successes.

by Anonymousreply 7904/12/2019

I am the dreary, pretentious finale that nevertheless was a smashing ratings success.

by Anonymousreply 8004/12/2019

I'm Gregory Harrison.

I have a very tenuous thread to this thread, as I co-starred on a show about the post-MASH Trapper John.

But it's a good excuse to share this photo.

by Anonymousreply 8104/12/2019

I'm Linda Bloodworth Thomason, who got my first Emmy for writing an episode of MASH (with Mary Kay Place).

I'd go on to create DL favorite Designing Women.

by Anonymousreply 8204/12/2019

I'm Mike Farrell's severe case of BDF.

Beej would really like a beej, please.

by Anonymousreply 8304/12/2019

[quote]I am the dreary, pretentious finale that nevertheless was a smashing ratings success.

It had some decent episodes and could be funny in the early seasons, but it did become more and more pretentious and the finale really captured everything that was bad about the show by the end.

by Anonymousreply 8404/12/2019

I'm the signpost.

by Anonymousreply 8504/12/2019

I’m r50’s cousin. I’m the episodes where all of them get so shitfaced drunk they would never be of any help to a patient, who could arrive or take a downturn at any time.

by Anonymousreply 8604/12/2019

I’m the gallons of fake blood used in OR scenes.

by Anonymousreply 8704/12/2019

R81 He was also in an episode of M*A*S*H. The one where the nurse wants to spend time with her husband so for some reason they hide him in Margaret's tent instead of the 3 other nurses bunking with other nurses.

by Anonymousreply 8804/12/2019

I am the disturbing level of critical bias in favor of anything with Italian Americans in it.

by Anonymousreply 8904/12/2019

[quote]When Col. Henry Blake's plane spun into the sea, I'll admit, I welled up. Tears streaming.

I'm that happening in your dreams because it was not shown onscreen for you to cry over.

by Anonymousreply 9004/12/2019

I'm Hot Lips' little peasant tootsies.

by Anonymousreply 9104/12/2019

R81, there are no bad excuses to share that photo.

by Anonymousreply 9204/12/2019

R90: You linear thinking twit. You erroneously inferred that I wrote that I saw the plane spiral into the sea. What happened was Radar quietly entered the surgical room where the doctors and nurses were quietly working and announced that Col Henry Blake's plane was shot down and lost at sea. "There were no survivors," Radar said. The operating room was eerily silent at the news. Even behind their masks you could tell all were pole-axed at this terrible news.

Find the clip and see for yourself.

by Anonymousreply 9304/12/2019

R93 was there in a dreamscape and balled like a schoolgirl when the wing hit the ocean!

by Anonymousreply 9404/12/2019

Meanwhile Stevenson left on shitty terms with the production, and they wanted to make sure he couldn't make any money on the character after he left, so they killed him. He was furious.

by Anonymousreply 9504/12/2019

I read that the actors in the OR did not know Radar was going to come in and announce Henry had died. The behind the scenes people wanted to capture a true shocked reaction. It was an effectively filmed scene.

by Anonymousreply 9604/12/2019

I am Hot Lips Houlihan applying lipstick in a hand mirror while Frank Burns shines my combat boots like the sniveling little sub he is.

by Anonymousreply 9704/12/2019

[quote]balled like a schoolgirl

What did he do?!

by Anonymousreply 9804/12/2019

We’re real Korean War veterans pointing out every inaccuracy and how many times Hawkeye and Trapper would have received a court martial for insubordination.

by Anonymousreply 9904/12/2019

The scene we see a was a second take R96.

by Anonymousreply 10004/12/2019

[quote] balled like a schoolgirl

It's "bawled," you fat whore!

by Anonymousreply 10104/12/2019

It's amazing when schoolgirls ball!

by Anonymousreply 10204/12/2019

I’m the [italic]Family Guy[/italic] parody of Col. Blake’s death. Of all the clips of that show online, that’s not one of them.

by Anonymousreply 10304/12/2019

If Alan Alda and Bea Arthur had a fight, then who would win?

by Anonymousreply 10404/12/2019

R96, According to Alan Alda on Gilbert Gottfried's podcast, they wanted to do that but on the first take there was something wrong with the camera so it had to be re-shot.

by Anonymousreply 10504/12/2019

I'm Patrick Swayze, I play a soldier who finds out he has cancer and then..well you know that saying about art imitating life?

by Anonymousreply 10604/12/2019

[quote]It's "bawled," you fat whore!

Oh no it's not!

by Anonymousreply 10704/12/2019

[quote]If Alan Alda and Bea Arthur had a fight, then who would win?

The audience.

by Anonymousreply 10804/12/2019

[quote]well you know that saying about art imitating life?

Sure, NOW you tell me!

by Anonymousreply 10904/12/2019

Bea would slap Alan with her cock.

by Anonymousreply 11004/12/2019

Well she can’t have any of mine!

by Anonymousreply 11104/12/2019

I'm Nurse Margie Cutler. Things didn't work out for me with Trapper and Hawkeye, but I eventually landed myself some PREMIUM man-meat when I married Gabe Kotter.

by Anonymousreply 11204/12/2019

I am the original Tony Packo's.

by Anonymousreply 11304/12/2019

I'm Patrick Adiarte. I played the character Ho-Jon, cabin boy to Hawkeye Pierce and Trapper John. I'm a Filipino masquerading as a Korean because white people can't tell the difference.

Eldergay rice queens may remember when I wiggled my 19 year old ass in FLOWER DRUM SONG and on TV in HULLABALOO. In M*A*S*H, I was booted off the show in season two when money was raised for me to go to the states to attend college, even though I was by then, 32 years old.

by Anonymousreply 11404/12/2019

[quote]I'm Nurse Margie Cutler.

The only person who looked like she could have be wearing a 1950's hair style.

by Anonymousreply 11504/12/2019

I'm a baby

I'm a chicken

I'm a baby

I'm a chicken!

by Anonymousreply 11604/12/2019

I'm the hideous collection of dreck that Maclean Stevenson left MASH for.......

by Anonymousreply 11704/12/2019

[quote]I'm Nurse Margie Cutler. Things didn't work out for me with Trapper and Hawkeye, but I eventually landed myself some PREMIUM man-meat when I married Gabe Kotter. -Welcome Back.

And what was I, chopped liver?

by Anonymousreply 11804/12/2019

I’m the Korean baby smothered by its mother for crying on the bus.

by Anonymousreply 11904/12/2019

I'm 'carry'...

I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I'll even 'hari-kari' if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun!

by Anonymousreply 12004/12/2019

[quote]I'm Gregory Harrison.I have a very tenuous thread to this thread, as I co-starred on a show about the post-MASH Trapper John.

Well so did I! AND I was molested, too!

by Anonymousreply 12104/12/2019

[quote]I’m Elliott Gould. I was Trapper John in the movie. I outlived both you gentile impostors only to take a recurring role in the worst sitcom ever, F(r)iends.

Well, "worst" until you co-starred as DL icon Linda Lavin's wife on "9JKL."

by Anonymousreply 12204/12/2019

I'm Nurse Millie Carpenter, who stepped on a landmine while taking a walk in the middle of the night. I'm never seen when alive and Hawkeye makes my eulogy all about him.

by Anonymousreply 12304/12/2019

I’m Nurse Kellye.

Nobody finds me attractive and I don’t know why.

by Anonymousreply 12404/12/2019

Nurse Kellye was a fuh-REEK! Holy cow! Made me a man!

by Anonymousreply 12504/12/2019

I'm Lt. Geyer R124 and I find you very attractive!

by Anonymousreply 12604/12/2019

[quote]Well, "worst" until you co-starred as DL icon Linda Lavin's wife on "9JKL.

At least they pulled the plug on that instead of letting it fester for 10 miserable years. It makes me sick to see anyone treat that show as anything but a dog turd as bad as anything the Cameron siblings were regulars in. Stop trying to pass this shit off as a classic. [italic]M*A*S*H[/italic] earned its accolades. [italic]F(r)iends[/italic] was pure luck.

by Anonymousreply 12704/12/2019

I'm the letter to 'dear dad'.

by Anonymousreply 12804/12/2019

I'm a boyish Ron Howard, lying about my age to try and stay in the war to impress some broad back home.

by Anonymousreply 12904/12/2019

"I'm the very 80's perm that Hot Lips rocked in the last couple seasons despite the show being set in the early '50s."

It was a bad wig. Loretta Swit eventually had to wear wigs because she was balding. The wigs got worse and worse. The one you're referring to was reminiscent of Harpo Marx.

by Anonymousreply 13004/12/2019

I'm Dennis Holahan. I play a U. N. delegate who is visiting the 4077; Hot Lips salivates over me throughout the entire episode. I was a lawyer but go into acting due to my devastatingly handsome face. Loretta Swit will marry me in real life, but we eventually divorce. I went back to being a lawyer. And even though I have children and was married twice, I ping to high heaven.

by Anonymousreply 13104/12/2019

I'm BJ Hunnicutt. I am the single most humorless character ever on a major sitcom.I have never made anyone laugh. Ever.

by Anonymousreply 13204/12/2019

I'm the recycled story lines in the last few seasons because everything had been done before.

by Anonymousreply 13304/12/2019

Yeah. The thread really could have been closed at R18 but I'm so enjoying it. I hated this show with a passion so I'll play along. I'm the ham that Alan Alda ate every week.

by Anonymousreply 13404/12/2019

I’m the Vietnam War, which ended in 1975. After I’m gone the show becomes increasingly less relevant.

by Anonymousreply 13504/12/2019

[quote]I'm BJ Hunnicutt. I am the single most humorless character ever on a major sitcom.

Correction: second most.

by Anonymousreply 13604/12/2019

I am Hawkeye's Ricky Ricardo laugh.

by Anonymousreply 13704/12/2019

I’m [italic]Checking In[/italic], the four-episode [italic]Jeffersons[/italic] spin-off where Marla Gibbs’ Florence character is now working for Larry Linville at a hotel. Funny how the fake Larry played by McLean Stevenson actually lasted longer than the real one.

by Anonymousreply 13804/12/2019

I am the lyrics from the theme song that they wouldn't include because they were too grim and mentioned suicide.

by Anonymousreply 13904/12/2019

I'm David Ogden Stiers, playing a heterosexual man and not succeeding very well.

by Anonymousreply 14004/12/2019

I'm the Korean bimbos who ran off with Klinger's wardrobe in the "Bug Out" episode, despite the fact that none of the dresses would have fit any of them.

by Anonymousreply 14104/12/2019

I am r139, who did not read the thread.

by Anonymousreply 14204/12/2019

We’re BJ’s family. We hated him and prayed that he’d die over there.

by Anonymousreply 14304/12/2019

I'm Robert Alda. I was a movie star briefly in the 1940s, and a Broadway star briefly in the 1950s. I'm been slumming it for years on TV and now get to play with my son on his show in two episodes.

by Anonymousreply 14404/12/2019

Nothing new R70. But then I'm not a sniveling toad looking for DL's approval.

by Anonymousreply 14504/12/2019

I'm Lawrence Pressman guest starring as a Congressman's Aide who accuses Margaret of being a Communist sympathizer but is willing to forget about it if she gives him a tumble.

by Anonymousreply 14604/13/2019

[quote]I'm David Ogden Stiers, playing a heterosexual man and not succeeding very well.

I’m the gay guy from the movie who wants to kill himself. And this is totally not homophobic because...?

by Anonymousreply 14704/13/2019

[quote]I am the lyrics from the theme song that they wouldn't include because they were too grim and mentioned suicide.

And also because it is obvious they were written by a 14-year-old boy. In this case, it was Robert Altman’s son.

by Anonymousreply 14804/13/2019

I always found icky that Hawkeye was meant to be a Casanova but I give Alan Alda credit for writing the Inga episode where Margaret makes a few comments about his nurse chasing, like "I can walk into that kitchen any time I want and replace those fabulous lips of yours with a soggy piece of liver!"

by Anonymousreply 14904/13/2019

I'm Antony Alda and I'm grateful for the big break of getting to work with my father and half brother. I know this episode will really launch my career!

by Anonymousreply 15004/13/2019

I’m Rosalind Chao playing Klinger’s wife in the last episode and joining him on [italic]AfterMASH[/italic] after having been Arnold’s teacher on [italic]Diff’rent Strokes[/italic].

by Anonymousreply 15104/13/2019

Antony Alda had somewhat of a career but was pretty generic looking.

And he's dead.

by Anonymousreply 15204/13/2019

I’m the [italic]Simpsons[/italic] flashback episode to Lisa’s birth and first word where Marge sits on a stoop outside a decaying brownstone asks her female friends (with indistinguishable accents) if they watched the last episodes.

by Anonymousreply 15304/13/2019

I'm Rutanya Alda who is no relation to Alan and never appeared on the show.

by Anonymousreply 15404/13/2019

I’m [italic]W*A*L*T*E*R[/italic], Gary Burghoff’s unsold pilot for a proposed spinoff about his life after the war as a cop in St. Louis. If you thought [italic]AfterMASH[/italic] and [italic]Hello, Larry[/italic] were bad, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

by Anonymousreply 15504/13/2019

I am B.J.'s chest, and I did not make nearly enough appearances on the show.

by Anonymousreply 15604/13/2019

I'm Allan Arbus. I played the dour, velvety voiced psychiatrist Sidney Freedman. I was the husband of the creepy photographer Diane Arbus. And I lived to be 95 years old!

by Anonymousreply 15704/13/2019

The Sidney Freedman episodes were the WORST!

by Anonymousreply 15804/13/2019

Good to see you make another appearance r157, r59.

Like in the show, you appear frequently.

by Anonymousreply 15904/13/2019

I'm the bathtub they fought over to stay cool AND the long johns they fought over to stay warm

by Anonymousreply 16004/13/2019

I I I I I I I'm H H H H onr r r r r ria

by Anonymousreply 16104/13/2019

[quote]I'm David Ogden Stiers, playing a heterosexual man and not succeeding very well.

Better than me and I kissed Whitney Houston on the lips!

by Anonymousreply 16204/13/2019

I'm Charles Emerson Winchester and I'll go Karate Kid on your ass!

by Anonymousreply 16304/13/2019

I always hated the show but as a kid there was one TV in the house and this was my father's favorite show. Then in college everyone, well the guys anyway, watched it. I wanted to be part of the crows. As a kid I hated Charles. As an adult I find him to be the best actor and character. The only one who could challenge him as best actor would early Loretta. I still find it to be a real piece of shit shoe anyway. Did Gary Burghoff think he was going to have acting offers lining up for his ugly ass? He seemed like such an unfunny, mean, nasty, munt whenever he was on Matchgame.

by Anonymousreply 16404/13/2019

I'm the general who kicked the bucket whilst in the company of Hot Lips!

by Anonymousreply 16504/13/2019

I'm ferret face!

by Anonymousreply 16604/13/2019

We're the worms Frank Burns eats.

by Anonymousreply 16704/13/2019

I'm the blacktresses big ole angry Chiclets in the opening theme when the nurses are running.

by Anonymousreply 16804/13/2019

R163, if you’re going to impersonate me, please ensure you get my name correct.

I am Charles Emerson Winchester III. My grandfather was Charles Emerson Winchester. Of course a brute like you who is not from Boston wouldn’t know that now, would you?

by Anonymousreply 16904/13/2019

OP= Trevor Donovan

by Anonymousreply 17004/13/2019

I am Radar's grape nehi.

by Anonymousreply 17104/13/2019

I'm the complete set of drums Radar manages to get in a combat zone.

by Anonymousreply 17204/13/2019

I'm a profile of the real story:

by Anonymousreply 17304/13/2019

I'm the jeep Klinger tried to eat.

I'm the jeet, someone tried to post home.

by Anonymousreply 17404/13/2019

The real Spearchucker:

by Anonymousreply 17504/13/2019


by Anonymousreply 17604/13/2019

R175 I’m confused growing up that was a derogatory term, how did it end up his nickname?

by Anonymousreply 17704/13/2019

I'm Susan Saint James as visiting war correspondent Aggie O'Shea who falls for BJ and not Hawkeye probably because Mike Farrell wrote and directed the episode.

by Anonymousreply 17804/13/2019

I’m the desperately unfunny script. I get ripped up a lot.

by Anonymousreply 17904/13/2019

I'm Hawkeye's mental breakdowns; refusing to sleep and having to be sedated, sleepwalking and waking up screaming like a banshee, sneezing and itching uncontrollably, finally ending up in an asylum due to telling a Korean woman to silence her baby, which she ends up smothering to death. Any doctor in wartime that disturbed would have been given a Section 8, not the cross dressing Klinger.

by Anonymousreply 18004/13/2019

"I’m confused growing up that was a derogatory term, how did it end up his nickname?"

He was a javelin thrower in college.

by Anonymousreply 18104/13/2019

We’re the human rights atrocities committed by the North Koreans being glossed over with “can’t we all just get along” sanctimoniousness.

by Anonymousreply 18204/13/2019

I'm the Hawkeye episode which takes place at a Korean family's home. I am practically a 30 minute monologue by Alan Alda, which is either a tour-de-force or a total cringe party.

by Anonymousreply 18304/13/2019

And to think they called ME preachy!

by Anonymousreply 18404/13/2019

I'm Radar's sweetness, naivete, and likeability, all of which evaporate completely in the two "Goodbye, Radar" episodes that send him off without a farewell party, alone and depressed in a jeep, heading off to a failing farm in Iowa. Poor Radar.

by Anonymousreply 18504/13/2019

They cancelled Radar's spinoff in the middle of the first episode. It was interrupted by a special report and never came back.

by Anonymousreply 18604/13/2019

I’m the 8 year that realizes that goes outside to play because I rather gouge my eyes than watch an full episode.

by Anonymousreply 18704/13/2019

We’re the writers and producers of every other hit sitcom from the 1970s sick and tired of so-called TV “critics” tearing us down to prop this show up.

by Anonymousreply 18804/13/2019

I'm the BJ I wanted to give Mike Farrell when I was 14.

by Anonymousreply 18904/13/2019

I am the ghost of datalounge, so proud that the hatred of MASH has moved on to another generation of homosexual tv watchers.

by Anonymousreply 19004/13/2019


Since the pilot was never picked up by CBS as a series, it was shown as a "CBS Special Presentation" on July 17, 1984. It was shown once in the Eastern and Central time zones of the United States, but pre-empted on the West Coast by CBS News coverage of the Democratic National Convention. This is the only known broadcast of the pilot

by Anonymousreply 19104/13/2019


by Anonymousreply 19204/14/2019

I saw Gary in a Tales of the Unexpected episode where he sported a full head of curtly hair and had a beard. I thought he's really trying to not be seen as Radar, but as soon as he started acting, it all came back.

by Anonymousreply 19304/14/2019

I'm the foul odor coming out of the latrines.

by Anonymousreply 19404/14/2019

I’m the bathtub everyone wanted to use in the heat.

by Anonymousreply 19504/14/2019

I'm Colonel Flagg, and I'm a good character until the writers make me as cartoonish as Frank Burns.

by Anonymousreply 19604/14/2019

I'm the justified frustration Larry Linville felt that Frank Burns never developed as a character.

by Anonymousreply 19704/14/2019

It's funny though. Through his stay on the show Larry Linville was the only funny one.

by Anonymousreply 19804/14/2019

I NEVER found Larry Linville to be funny. I found him ANNOYING. Good riddance when he left the show in 1977 and was replaced by David Ogden Stiers.

by Anonymousreply 19904/14/2019

r199=Marla Gibbs

by Anonymousreply 20004/14/2019

Larry Linville was a good actor, but totally wasted in a thankless role on MASH that continued to get more and more ludicrous over the years. I did like how the Frank Burns character left the show, though. Having him have a mental breakdown after the loss of Margaret was perfect. And Frank actually got a happy ending; after totally losing his marbles the army doesn't charge him with anything and in fact promotes him to Lieutenant Colonel and putsin charge of a veterans hospital in Fort Wayne. So Frank Burns actually came out alright, much to B.J and Hawkeye's disgust.

by Anonymousreply 20104/14/2019

I'm Rosie, and I'm lovably grumpy, DAMMIT!

by Anonymousreply 20204/14/2019

I'm so glad that they brought in Charles to replace Frank who was such an obvious target for ridicule. Charles was much more of an adversary.

by Anonymousreply 20304/14/2019

"Charles was much more of an adversary."

Even so, he was regularly shat upon throughout the series, especially in the later years. Seems like every other episode featured Charles being duped or humiliated.

by Anonymousreply 20404/14/2019

Charles can be viewed as someone hated/envied/feared by Hollywood, and their ham-handed attempts to deal with their childish emotions.

by Anonymousreply 20504/14/2019

I'm Edward Herrmann guest starring as a replacement surgeon who cracks up from the pressure.

by Anonymousreply 20604/14/2019

I'm Dan Rooney.

by Anonymousreply 20704/14/2019

I'm Dennis Dugan playing a soldier who's gay. I don't want a discharge, I want to go back to my unit to show them I'm not backing down from them or a fight.

I'll play gay again in Norman...Is That You?

Then as a director I'll use homophobia for cheap laughs.

by Anonymousreply 20804/15/2019

Here he is

by Anonymousreply 20904/15/2019

I'm Opie Cunningham

by Anonymousreply 21004/15/2019

I'm the completely anachronistic hairstyles

by Anonymousreply 21104/15/2019

Dennis Dugan didn't play the gay soldier who wanted to go back to his unit. Richard Ely played that role. Dugan was on MASH twice, once as a clean cut young GI trying to pull off a marriage scam involving young Korean prostitutes and the other playing Potter's clean cut son in law. In the son in law episode Potter finds out his clean cut son in law has been having an affair, but oddly he doesn't blow up in anger. Instead he tells his cheating son in law that he himself had cheated on Mildred in younger days and that "one slip up" shouldn't have to ruin a marriage. How does he know his cheating son in law has committed only one slip up? Anyway, the son in law gets off with a gentle lecture, which I thought was a real cop up. I would have loved to have seen Potter really light into him, like he'd done to others on the show who'd who really didn't deserve it at all.

Dugan was also on a few episodes of "Hill Street Blues", where he played "Captain Freedom", an incredibly annoying character who fancied himself a crime fighter. I think the character was supposed to a source of amusement on the gritty crime series. Thankfully, "Captain Freedom" bit didn't last long and he ended up getting killed. His death was supposed to be moving, but I was glad to see him gone.

by Anonymousreply 21204/15/2019

Here's Richard Ely.

by Anonymousreply 21304/15/2019

We're Allen Rivkin and Laura Kerr who wrote the story for the1953 film, Battle Circus, set in an Army field hospital during the Korean War. We think Richard Hooker owes us some money.

by Anonymousreply 21404/16/2019

I’m the dummies used in far shots of helicopters arriving in the compound.

by Anonymousreply 21504/16/2019

Plot of original novel:

Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake, commander of the 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital, requests two new surgeons for his unit. Captains Duke Forrest and Hawkeye Pierce share a jeep to the post, discovering that they share a taste for alcohol and similar views about many issues. Blake assigns them to the night shift, billeting them with Major Jonathan Hobson, a Midwestern preacher and surgeon.

Despite their dislike of authority and penchant for making wisecracks and pulling pranks, the new doctors exhibit exceptional surgical skills and commitment to their job, gaining the respect of their colleagues. They become annoyed by Maj. Hobson's religious fervor and insist that Blake have Maj. Hobson rebilleted. Friction mounts between the major and the new captains; when Major Hobson's prayers begin to annoy everyone, Col. Blake arranges to have him sent stateside.

Pierce and Forrest also request a chest surgeon for the unit. When the new man, Captain John McIntyre, arrives, he displays exceptional skill, but resists their attempts to draw him into their social circle. During a recreational football game, Hawkeye suddenly remembers playing football against McIntyre in college and introduces McIntyre to everyone as Trapper John.

The Bachelor Officers Quarters (BOQ) tent occupied by the three surgeons, known as The Swamp, becomes a central gathering point. The surgeons enjoy the company of Father Mulcahy, the Catholic chaplain, although they are not strongly religious, but Duke (an avowed Protestant), wants to seek out a Protestant chaplain. A chaplain is found, but the "Swampmen" object to his habit of ghostwriting cheerful letters for soldiers without checking the seriousness of their wounds. After a patient dies the day after a letter saying "Everything is fine and I'll be home soon", the Swampmen lash him to a wooden cross and make him believe they intend to burn him alive.

Captain Waldowski is prone to regular fits of depression. When he announces his decision to commit suicide, the Swampmen stage a "Last Supper", summon everyone to bid him farewell and then give him a sedative. While he is sedated, they hook him to a harness and drop him from a helicopter, ending the depression.

The Swampmen have frequent conflicts with Captain Frank Burns. Burns, even though he has never had surgical training, nonetheless considers his work infallible, and holds himself above the Swampmen. After one of his patients dies, he angrily blames an orderly. First Duke and then Trapper get into a fistfight with Burns.

When the new Chief Nurse, Major Margaret Houlihan arrives, she considers the well-groomed and courtly Burns to be the superior doctor. After Henry Blake names Trapper John as his Chief Surgeon (based on demonstrated ability), Burns and Houlihan get drunk and stay late in her tent, preparing a highly negative report for Gen. Hammond. The next day the Swampmen tease Burns and Houlihan. Trapper John calls Houlihan "Hot Lips"; Hawkeye provokes Burns into a fight. Henry is finally forced to send Burns stateside.

Ho-Jon, the Korean houseboy working in the Swamp, is drafted into the South Korean army. After being wounded, he arrives at the 4077th for treatment. After rehabilitation, he resumes his position as Swampboy and the Swampmen decide to send him to Hawkeye's old college. To raise funds, Trapper poses as Jesus Christ, selling autographed photos and making personal appearances.

A U.S. Congressman whose son is wounded in combat demands that Trapper and Hawkeye fly to Japan to perform an "emergency surgery." The surgery proves to be routine and the doctors spend much of the recovery period playing golf. Hawkeye reconnects with a friend, "Me Lay" Marston, who serves as an anesthesiologist for the Army but also helps a local doctor run a combination pediatric hospital and whorehouse. Me Lay asks the boys to look at a sick baby, who does require emergency surgery. Hawkeye and Trapper blackmail the hospital's commanding officer into permitting the operation and talk Me Lay into adopting the orphan baby.


by Anonymousreply 21604/21/2019

Trapper and Hawkeye return to find the 4077th overwhelmed by casualties. A continuous flow of wounded pours into the hospital for two weeks. All personnel work around the clock performing operations. Everyone becomes exhausted and irritable; the Swampmen begin harassing Maj. Houlihan. She complains to Gen. Hammond, who begins an investigation of Col. Blake's conduct. The Swampmen intercede, smoothing matters over with the General.

Summer arrives and Col. Blake is sent to Tokyo for three weeks, Colonel DeLong fills in. Col. DeLong is unfamiliar with the type of high-volume, high-speed surgery used at the 4077th; after an angry confrontation with Hawkeye, DeLong gains respect for the work. Eventually the Swampmen get bored and decide to convince DeLong they need psychiatric evaluation. When he sends them to a diagnostic unit, they escape custody and visit a brothel.

General Hammond's unit has a football team. Because he has stocked it with professional players who were drafted, he makes a tidy profit playing other units and betting on the results. The Swampmen organize their own team and tell Col. Blake to ask Hammond to assign neurosurgeon Oliver Wendell Jones to the 4077. Jones, unbeknownst to Hammond, is a former star known as Spearchucker.

In the game, the Swampmen incapacitate one of Hammond's pros by injecting him with a sedative during a pileup. They use Corporal Radar O'Reilly's ESP abilities to detect upcoming plays and employ a trick play to win the game 28-24 and make an enormous profit.

As Duke and Hawkeye wait for their deployments to expire, they become bored. To keep them busy, Henry Blake has them teach two new doctors their short-cuts. One learns capably, but the other needs to be sent home. On the journey back from Korea, they feign battle fatigue to get favorable treatment and impersonate chaplains to avoid work. They say goodbye when they reach the US; each rejoins his family.

by Anonymousreply 21704/21/2019

A few months ago, we were talking about the finale and how everyone watched it -- even my Dad who hated the show. What struck him and us was how Klinger spent the war trying to get out of the Army, but at the end, her was the one who stayed behind.

by Anonymousreply 21804/22/2019

[quote]I am the dreary, pretentious finale that nevertheless was a smashing ratings success.

I’m Carroll O’Connor wondering why my show, [itakic]Archie Bunker’s Place[/italic], didn’t get that same kind of farewell attention from CBS when we went off the air the same year. My show was just as dreary and pretentious and no less self-important than Alda’s or Ed Asner’s, but after four seasons of this and nine seasons of [italic]All in the Family[/italic] proper, all it got was a cancellation notice and a regular episode for a finale.

by Anonymousreply 21904/22/2019

After the series caught on, I decided to check out the book. I found it totally mediocre and the characters were all a bunch of insufferable jerks.

by Anonymousreply 22004/22/2019

Well then I guess they did the book justice. That doesn't happen a lot.

by Anonymousreply 22104/22/2019

I’m Muriel. I red tagged some of the funniest entries here. I’m a fascistic little bitch.

by Anonymousreply 22204/22/2019

It really was a shame that McLean Stevenson and Gary Burghoff were such pills. Henry Blake and Radar O'Reilly were two of the most likable, sympathetic characters on the show, but the actors who played them were a pain in the ass. Stevenson bailed out of the show early, because he didn't want to be part of an ensemble. He wanted to be a STAR. Burghoff was reported to be a nasty piece of work, very hard to get along with, in total contrast to the character he played. He too chose not to stay throughout the show's entire run which was probably a relief to his co-workers. They were both disagreeable, but the writers of the show got back at them by bringing their characters to bad ends; Henry got killed off, and Radar was sent back to Iowa after the death of his Uncle Ed, ruined and alone. Too bad; the characters deserved better. I would have liked to have seen them both make it to the final episode, with Henry going back to his family in Illinois safe and sound and Radar joyfully going back the farm in Iowa where his mother and Uncle Ed are waiting for him.

by Anonymousreply 22304/22/2019

R223, if you ever see some Match Game episodes with Gary on them, you could see how insufferable he could be. He must’ve won an Emmy at one point and that’s ALL he talked about and referenced for the whole week he was on.

by Anonymousreply 22404/22/2019

I'm Captain TuTTle.

And with they way they all pronounced my name you'd think I spelled it that way.

by Anonymousreply 22504/22/2019

Whenever the doctors got into it (usually over a case) they would get snippy and call each other "Doctor" in a way that it sounded like "Useless Fuck Bag."

Years later, I was visiting my aunt at a hospital and was on my way back to her room when two doctors got into it and one said "Doctor" in that mean way, and it made my blood chill so I hurried away.

by Anonymousreply 22604/22/2019

They had a strange way of treating depression...

by Anonymousreply 22704/22/2019

It was like Alan Alda contracted Quincy disease. Jack Klugman was always jumping on a soap box on that show

by Anonymousreply 22804/23/2019

I forgot about Quincy. That show did go from being a murder mystery show with a likable lead to an issue of the week with Quincy becoming screechy and preachy.

by Anonymousreply 22904/24/2019
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