[bold]Type I: Posh Dramas[/bold]
The Posh Drama is invariably an adaptation of a book or play written at least 100 years ago. They star Kenneth Branagh, Helena Bonham-Carter, Emma Thompson, Richard Briers, Helen Mirren, Judi Dench, and with a bit of luck, Brian Blessed, who appeared as a somewhat loud Richard IV in Black Adder, a somewhat loud Prince Vultan in Flash Gordon, a somewhat loud Boss Nass in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace and had no role at all in The Quiet Man. The plot usually revolves around someone without a chin falling in love with someone of a different class or the same sex, or both. After bitching about a world that doesn’t understand them, either one, both, or all major speaking characters die, preferably of tuberculosis.
The Type I: Posh Drama exists to allow men to appear educated and allow them to score. Examples include British Drama Type I: 37, starring Kenneth Branagh, Helena Bonham-Carter, Emma Thompson, Richard Briers, Helen Mirren, Judi Dench, Kenneth Branagh and with a bit of luck, Brian Blessed as “Shouty Man”. Stephen Fry may also appear for "light relief". The plot concerns Kenneth Branagh falling in love with Helena Bonham-Carter, to the chagrin of his parents, Richard Briers and Brian Blessed. After 17 hours of wearing tights and bitching, everyone dies of tuberculosis. The script was written by William Shakespeare, Britain’s second-greatest screenwriter (after Richard Curtis).
Noteable Examples: How Do You Take Your Tea? (1998), An Unreasonable Dress For Breakfast (1987), I'd Ask You To Marry Me But I'm So Horribly Repressed (1992), I'm Attracted To My Rough Gardener Because I'm In A Sham Marriage With A Closeted Homosexual In 1928 (1993).
[bold]Type IIa: Posh Romantic Comedy[/bold]
Realising that watching a drama that can last up to three days, with a plot concerning homosexuals in tights dying of TB may not be everyone’s cup of tea, the British Film Industry also produces comedies. The Type IIa British Film is designed to fill that gap. These films star Hugh Grant, Colin Firth, and anyone else who is deemed posh, but is unlikely to appear in Lord of the Rings, or play a convincing baddie despite having a posh English accent. (It is a well known fact that everyone evil from Europe has a posh English accent. Utilising this fact, the Nazi party only recruited Germans with posh English accents.)
The Type IIa British Film will also star an American actress, who fulfils two roles. One is to make it easier to sell the film in America, and the other is to provide a dramatic contrast. Americans are known to all to be in perfect tune with their emotions, highly tactile, and are all perfectly self-confident and forthright. By contrast, all British men are emotional cripples, filled with self-doubt and loathing, only able to express emotion when roaringly drunk, via the medium of violence.
The Type IIa: Posh Romantic Comedy exists to allow men to appear sensitive, yet tolerant as they struggle for 90 minutes not to scream abuse at Hugh Grant as he blows yet another chance to sleep with Renée Zellweger, thus postponing the chance of seeing any norks. One of the most popular Type IIa British Films is Type IIa:15, in which rich, yet mysteriously underemployed architect Hugh Grant's crippling emotional problems prevent him from adequately explaining to Andie MacDowell that he wants to play hide the sausage with her at a series of social events. To highlight the comedy the film is interspersed with social commentary, as the gay, black, disabled, Mexican, single mother friend of Hugh Grant dies of AIDS. The film was written, with a sense of tedious inevitability, by Richard Curtis.
Notable examples: There's Something About Jan (1998), More Sex Please, We're Hoxtonish (2002), Waiter, There's A Homosexualist In My Soup! (1957)