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Falling in love and having a relationship for the first time over 50.

Is it possible? Or is 40 the unofficial cut off?

by Anonymousreply 168June 27, 2019 2:01 PM

I'm 53 so I hope there's still time for me.

by Anonymousreply 1March 21, 2019 12:01 AM

The problem is any in shape guy over 50 worth having isn't looking at anyone over 50.

by Anonymousreply 2March 24, 2019 4:01 PM

Of course it's possible - just mingle in the right crowd, right places where people of a similar interest would be - not hookup apps but maybe gay-oriented social events, volunteer activities, etc.

by Anonymousreply 3March 24, 2019 4:01 PM

I agree its difficult to find any guy over 50 who is single, and still interested in love, and not a complete wreck, and looking for another person over fifty. Well maybe 70 year olds. But there is a huge physical and mental difference between 53 and 73.

by Anonymousreply 4March 24, 2019 4:21 PM

Words of wisdom from Dan Savage:

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 5March 24, 2019 4:38 PM

Of course, I met the love of my life at 43. Have an open heart and know what's important : kindness, humour, intelligence, compassion, shared interests, etc.

I met my partner online. I loathed online dating but I really didn't want to spend the remainder of my life alone. It was a funny experience at times, disheartening at others & so worth it.

by Anonymousreply 6March 24, 2019 4:50 PM

Yes. I met my boyfriend on Grinders when we were both 48. I was very specific that I was looking for a relationship with someone my age and they in no way had to be perfect in any aspect. I was willing to grow to love him as we spent time and accept any flaws as would accept mine. I’m 53 and we’re still together. Neither of us are going to be featured in a porn but we’re both in shape and attractive. We also have excellent anal hygiene.

by Anonymousreply 7March 24, 2019 5:39 PM

Is Grinders a hot sex drug to be on?

by Anonymousreply 8March 24, 2019 5:41 PM

And to add; I would not use the grinders today, this was when it could still be considered a dating app. Neither of us has used it again (that I know of).

by Anonymousreply 9March 24, 2019 5:46 PM

Grinders is a sandwich sold in New England. In Philadelphia it's called a HOAGIE.

by Anonymousreply 10March 24, 2019 7:44 PM

If you are 50+ and are still holding out for the 24 year old with the six-pack who will love you deeply for who you really are (as opposed to your bank account) then I think the chances you will find true love in a long relationship are less than 1 percent.

Ask yourself why you haven't been able to find a partner for the past 3 decades. Why was nobody good enough for you?

by Anonymousreply 11March 24, 2019 7:53 PM

Absolutely, OP!

The great thing is you have life experience, which is highly underrated. You likely have more focused priorities and are secure in your skin in a way you may not have been at 30. Ideally, any potential partner will also be in this place.

Financially, one would hope you are more secure than you were 10-20 years ago. This allows you to do things like eat out more and travel that aren’t possible when you’re younger and funds are more of an issue.

As you can see from countless threads here, guys looks great after 40-50 these days. These are different times. People aren’t expected to let themselves go once they reach a specific age. This is great for everyone.

Best advice: don’t look for a boyfriend. Just put yourself out there and have fun. It always happens when you aren’t looking for it. But you have to be out with people in social settings.

I’m 49 and my boyfriend is 53. We’ve been together almost three years. We’ve had sex three times this weekend, thus far. That gets better, as well. Best relationship I’ve ever experienced.

Don’t let a number define you or your potential for happiness.

by Anonymousreply 12March 24, 2019 8:02 PM

Possible? Likely preferred as you know what you want...but the problem is most males 40s to mid 50s are taken, or are single and were in bad relationships. On tinder, I never match with guys that age. Only 20 and early 30 somethings

by Anonymousreply 13March 24, 2019 8:22 PM

R13 that’s why you are alone. You think you’re so much above everyone else. Nobody in their 20s or 30s will want you because of your baggage.

by Anonymousreply 14March 24, 2019 9:20 PM

58 here and had 2 long term (12 and 7 years,both died) relationships and many short ones . I tried the "grinders" and other sites and the ONLY thing that ever hit on me were 70+ and the truly hideous. I last tried about 3 years ago and said to hell with it and am fully prepared to shuffle off this mortal coil alone. Im not particularly choosy,but Im still okay looking if a tad plumper than I used to be and all I wanted was someone on my level.Not some ancient man,or someone so ugly their own cat wouldnt play with him. Like someone said upthread,any decent looking guy our age wants a 30 year old.Tale as old as time unfortunately,and not limited to the gay world either. Make some good friends Op and hire sex when you really feel you want some.

by Anonymousreply 15March 24, 2019 9:33 PM

Don't you meet people as you go about your lives?

All this app. shit.

by Anonymousreply 16March 24, 2019 9:44 PM

Find someone in your age range and with the same limited experience, so neither of you ever really knows how inept you both are. Good luck!

by Anonymousreply 17March 24, 2019 10:11 PM

When did people decide real love could only come about by a certain age? By even asking the question the way you did, OP, it suggests the limitations you've put upon yourself. Be as healthy as you can mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Take honest account of yourself and what you believe you can have, as well as what you have to give. Don't fall into bad scenes because you thought you didn't deserve real love, like some I've known.

by Anonymousreply 18March 24, 2019 10:36 PM

In this era we're living in, at any age, you need to be selective in choosing a partner. Very selective.

by Anonymousreply 19March 25, 2019 5:48 PM

OP, senior citizens get marry all the time. You'll be fine.

by Anonymousreply 20March 25, 2019 5:50 PM

Heterosexual senior citizens, perhaps.

by Anonymousreply 21March 25, 2019 6:13 PM

There are advantages to being over 50. While hardly the new 30, it isn't exactly the old 50.

People are rediscovering themselves over 50. They're reinventing their lives, they're onto new careers, new locations, further education, new beginnings. Over 50, there comes something that often goes amiss in the younger years, mostly due to inexperience. It's called discernment. It's the ability to see through and into people who might have charmed the pants off you at one time. Now your pants stay on and you calmly ignore. It's the ability to foresee a trap before becoming ensnared. It's the ability to choose your friends carefully and to be rightfully selective in whom you choose. It's pride in being alone if you have to and not having to explain or apologize. It's knowing when to walk away. It's knowing not to seek the roller coaster, but a simple walk in the park, which offers ample rhythm and motion while still retaining clarity. It's not all about love or even sex, but finding oneself.

At the end of the day, that's all you're left with. And that's what you'd better take the greatest care of.

by Anonymousreply 22March 26, 2019 6:44 PM

R22- Have you ever seen the movie MARTY(1955) Marty's mother and aunt were in their 50's but they looked and acted like OLD LADIES.

by Anonymousreply 23March 26, 2019 7:25 PM

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. mindset attitude self image are key......you already sound like you are resigned to a lousy outcome.

by Anonymousreply 24March 26, 2019 7:37 PM

R22 Did you read the post? "It isn't exactly the old 50." The 50 depiction you might have seen in Marty is by today's standards, equivalent to someone in their late 70s, if not 80s. Perhaps, you don't know many people in their 50s, but it's a great time of reflection, reinvention, and positive changes that one either wouldn't or couldn't make sooner. I'm 54 and would not in any way turn back the clock. It can also, for some, be a time of regret, longing, or a lifetime of poor living habits catching up with them.

The greatest realization, and one for which you can start sharpening your knives, is that after years of having more sex that I can even remember, I realized I spent a lot more time and energy in the pursuit and despair of it than I needed to. Most of these guys were simply not worth it. The one thing the gays haven't learned, and the joke the gods have on us to this day, is that it isn't all about sex.

Had the average gay guy who whines about money, his living conditions, his career, spent HALF the time in the development of those aspects of his life with the ardency he did to cruising, partying, and accruing debt, he'd be looking back at his life at 50 not with regret, but a sense of comfort and pride.

The fear of 50+ isn't growing physically older. It's the fear of facing the fact that you wasted half your life with the wrong people in the wrong places, and your bubble ass and cutesy smile isn't going to open any more doors. Re-read the post!

by Anonymousreply 25March 26, 2019 7:46 PM

Although Mr. Sondheim told Time magazine in 1987 that he had never been in love, he says his life "has changed a lot" recently, "and it's one of the coincidences that that happened while I was writing 'Passion' and vice versa."

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 26March 26, 2019 8:05 PM

You may see a lot of people in relationships but a lot are superficial and/or transactional. Not a lot of love, even when they have been together for decades.

by Anonymousreply 27March 26, 2019 8:36 PM

It's never too late - there is someone for everyone

by Anonymousreply 28March 26, 2019 8:37 PM

if it is true there is someone for everyone i'd like to know where my someone is...

by Anonymousreply 29March 28, 2019 3:22 PM

R29 Meditate and tell them you are now ready to meet them! Happiness is yours for the taking.

by Anonymousreply 30March 28, 2019 3:32 PM

Yoo hoo! OP! Over here!

by Anonymousreply 31March 28, 2019 4:19 PM

It is obvious from this post who sees the glass as half full and who sees it as half empty. That indicates that there are many people who have positive feelings about getting older and finding true love, while the rest are ready to give up as soon as they get that AARP invite in the mail the week after their 50th birthday. They say you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince, and sometimes the frog looks like a prince on the outside, but is filled with warts on the inside. The gay community isn't set in stone as far as the people in it are concerned. There are some who are chicken chasers, and some of those who are lookin' for their next daddy. Then there are those who are simply looking for quality. That means sincere, non-judgmental, attitude free, unpretentious and basically happy with themselves. Don't let the negativity on this board and in this thread stop you from going after your own dream of happiness.

by Anonymousreply 32March 28, 2019 4:20 PM

[quote]You may see a lot of people in relationships but a lot are superficial and/or transactional. Not a lot of love, even when they have been together for decades.

I hear this often ... from single people seeking to make themselves feel better about being alone.

by Anonymousreply 33March 28, 2019 4:25 PM

All this blah,blah,blah new age shit when the fact of the matter is NOBODY wants to fuck an old bottom. Not even other old bottoms. Old men pay for sex if they want it,do without if they cant afford it. Unless your lucky enough to be a good looking 60 year old the odds are after a certain age you'll rarely have sex again. Its always been that way,always will be. Not just in the gay world either,straights have the same issue. Ask any 60 year old woman the last time SHE got fucked.

by Anonymousreply 34March 28, 2019 4:27 PM

R34, my grandmother JUST got married last Saturday! She is 66.....

by Anonymousreply 35March 28, 2019 4:40 PM

R34 Very true, but as we age, IMHO, it's the companionship that becomes important.

by Anonymousreply 36March 28, 2019 5:05 PM

I love R25's post. I am closer to 60 than 50, which is fine, but when I think back to all those guys I lusted after in my youth who were terrible assholes, THAT part makes me shake my head. All those years working on getting laid, making THAT a priority? Jesus. Now I don't waste a minute on people who aren't worth it. I am comfortable in my own skin. And, yes, love could still blossom. The thing is, if one does not have hope, does not feel that the best days are still ahead, what's the point of living?

by Anonymousreply 37March 28, 2019 5:06 PM

I love the words of Zorba who talked about seeing a man in his 90's planting an olive tree, saying he lived as if he would never die. Zorba's response: I live as if I will die any minute. Either way, they are both living and loving life, and grabbing it by the balls until the juices of life are overflowing.

by Anonymousreply 38March 28, 2019 5:09 PM

[quote]the fact of the matter is NOBODY wants to fuck an old bottom.

Nothing more useless than an old top.

by Anonymousreply 39March 28, 2019 6:30 PM

Of course it's possible. Depending on how you've aged you may need to lower your standards a bit.

by Anonymousreply 40March 28, 2019 6:38 PM

R40 My standards on looks might lower a bit, but on general personality and integrity, it increases.

by Anonymousreply 41March 28, 2019 6:52 PM

R 41 I love you. R 34 You sound like a self-loathing clockstopper that didn't stop getting laid at 50, but never got very much in any of your previous decades. If you're under 40, you're particularly loathsome. You must live in a bell jar if you think men over 50 or 60 aren't getting laid or reinventing their lives. Looks and physical conditioning are important, and that involves discipline, commitment and living a healthful, drug free, alcohol free life. Not everyone is willing or able to do that., but I can tell you I have guys half my age approaching me. I'm a good looking and in shape 54, and I'm wary of most them. In fact, I turn many of them down. (To the "Sure, Jan" cunt, don't waste your time with your fake Marcia video. You may need that energy to save your life!).

I know "Blah, blah, blah!" We heed your intelligence and your pearls of wisdom. But for men who allow themselves to evolve, you'd actually see that sex changes. Over 50, the thunderous fucking, chandelier swinging, head in the rain days went by way of the peppermint twist. But intimacy and affection actually increase. The ability to foster attraction to other components of a person's being, such as their intelligence, their ambition, their philosophy, their heart, create a very different experience at a mature stage life, and it's just as wonderful.

If you're over 50, my Mensa scholar, it sounds like you're abominated you're no longer 20 and unable to do what you used to do (or never did) at 20. That's where the Peter Pan gays make their fatal mistakes. Life, love, and sex isn't about keeping away the wrinkles. It's learning how to wear them abandon.

You may need to get with the times and realize the age margin has narrowed--one of the good things about the times we live in. The fifties aren't all about old bottoms. They're also about new tops.

by Anonymousreply 42March 28, 2019 8:51 PM

Yes, it's possible.

But most people I know who bitch about how impossible it is are usually self-centered and not good relationship material themselves.

by Anonymousreply 43March 28, 2019 8:54 PM

The recipe for long-term relationships has two pre-requisites: Money and the fear of being alone.

by Anonymousreply 44March 28, 2019 9:10 PM

R42 Sweetie,Ive had more dick than you could ever even dream about . I can do things in bed that would make you blush,and I still say that NOBODY wants to fuck an old motherfucker unless they are still hot or rich. Period. You cant tell yourself whatever fantasy shit you'd like,but Im a realist and sexual attraction is 90% looks,10% personality. Most men arent looking for a cuddle bunny who they can sip chamomile tea with and share their feels,not even gay men. Any man,no matter his age,who can still get it up wants sex. All the rest is just white noise until your dick doesnt work anymore.

by Anonymousreply 45March 28, 2019 10:11 PM

Sorry to agree with R34 but he is right about old bottoms. I say that as an old bottom. If you can top, you can keep fucking cause there’s always someone who wants to get f*cked. There is a surplus of bottoms so it is a tougher row to hoe unless you are rich or super hot.

I get hit up my younger guys all the time wanting to get fucked. I never have a young top (or an old top) hit me up. Welcome to life.

by Anonymousreply 46March 28, 2019 10:58 PM

Isn't there another angle to the question other than the quality of available men and whether one is attracted (and attractive) to them? If you're in your fifties and have never been in a relationship, you may be so set in your ways that you may not be able to make the compromises necessary to be in a long-term relationship. This has nothing to do with how hot or fit or intelligent or kind you are.

by Anonymousreply 47March 28, 2019 11:07 PM

R45 You douchebag piece of shit, you don't even know me or the dick I've got, or one fucking thing about me!!! One thing I can say about you is you're an unfeeling, robotic insensitive piece of shit, and you're the prototype that gives the rest of us the bad name! If that's your cold and heartless over 50 philosophy, you deserve to live it with it for the rest of your miserable life, and you deserve to get everything you've given, and I'm sure it's a hell of a lot of misery to whosever life you've cursed. You're an angry sonofabitch, and the dick you've got, sweetie, if any at all, you've paid for! Now get the fuck out of my sight!

by Anonymousreply 48March 29, 2019 1:34 AM

Why can't people reinvent? This bottom, top shit is part of the problem. Relationships shouldn't be as a cut and dried as all that. I know there are masculine qualities in my partner that brought out my feminine side and made me more inclined to bottom, but the softer, feminine sides to him brought out my masculine qualities and enabled me to top.

For years I preferred bottoming, but over 40, I've gotten to appreciate and explore sexuality as a top, partly accountable to the willingness to please a partner and to retain a measure of flexibility and adaptability. The other relative to the changes in my own personality. Once shy and a bit doubtful, I earned a Master's degree and hold a highly responsible position. I can proudly say I am accomplished, assertive, and more secure in my own skin than ever before. I have also learned to take responsibility for any shortcomings.

That's the benefit of growing older. If at 55, you're striving to keep what worked for you at 25, you're going to have problems. Stop being little boys and become men. That means accepting, not expecting, and remaining youthful and resilient enough to adapt to change, so that you can turn liabilities into assets and learn that life is a series of transformations with new lessons and new adventures. The fucking softens. That's father time and a fight you'll never win. However, the power of intimacy increases, which is far more powerful and enduring. But you'll never be available to it with a teenaged mentality at 55.

And for me, personally, gentleman, there is nothing more of a turn off.

by Anonymousreply 49March 29, 2019 4:02 PM

Men in their 30s are experiencing erectile issues. I can't imagine what sex is over 50.

by Anonymousreply 50April 7, 2019 3:52 AM

People consumed with age are simple minded and working class sloth. It's never to late to start over. I know two couples met for the first time and married in their SIXTIES, and not trolls. 6/7 out of 10 for their age and very accomplished. It just hadn't happened earlier. Chase human men and not Instagram clones, and don't beat yourself up. It's never too late to be what you might have been.

by Anonymousreply 51April 18, 2019 2:47 PM

Yes, it's possible. Now go out and do it.

by Anonymousreply 52April 18, 2019 2:48 PM

I guess it's possible, but perhaps unlikely.

by Anonymousreply 53April 18, 2019 2:59 PM

It's both possible and likely. You'll need to put yourself out there (go out more, dating apps, etc, to meet people). I'd also lose any shallow requirements you may have in terms of aesthetics/salary. I met the love of my life in my mid-forties. He's hilarious, well educated and has a very mild form of CP. He is the heart of my heart. I adore him. He treats me very well and came into my life - when I had lost hope of ever having a truly amazing union. So my advice - think hard about what you really need in a partner,; the must haves. Mine were : humor, kindness, likes being active, travel, well read, into the arts & beyond all compassionate. You'll find the one...you will:)

by Anonymousreply 54April 18, 2019 3:29 PM

Is he that guy starring in SPECIAL?

by Anonymousreply 55April 18, 2019 3:32 PM

Lovely post R49. Well put.

by Anonymousreply 56April 18, 2019 3:35 PM

Is love over 60 more of a hetero thing?

by Anonymousreply 57April 18, 2019 5:22 PM

Yes it is possible! I met my husband when I was 55.

by Anonymousreply 58April 18, 2019 5:33 PM

R58 Was it your first serious relationship?

by Anonymousreply 59April 18, 2019 5:41 PM

It is never too late.

by Anonymousreply 60April 18, 2019 6:04 PM

R48, responding to R45: "You douchebag piece of shit"

"You're an unfeeling, robotic insensitive piece of shit"

"If that's your cold and heartless over 50 philosophy, you deserve to live it with it for the rest of your miserable life"

"You deserve to get everything you've given, and I'm sure it's a hell of a lot of misery to whosever" (sic) "life you've cursed"

"The dick you've got, sweetie, if any at all, you've paid for!"

"Now get the fuck out of my sight!"

""You're an angry sonofabitch"

And you, R48, think [italic]he's[/italic] an angry sonofabitch because he disagreed with you on an anonymous online board?

Might there be reasons here - other than one's age - to explain why someone is or isn't getting laid?

by Anonymousreply 61April 18, 2019 6:04 PM

Yes.

by Anonymousreply 62April 18, 2019 6:47 PM

I know somebody 31 who is having but nothing but trouble meeting people, and he's a good looking guy and pretty well-established. Another is 59 who just got engaged. He said he didn't mind waiting 58 years to find the right one. When you find, it's worth it. And you will.

by Anonymousreply 63April 18, 2019 8:01 PM

R10 asking the real germane questions

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 64April 18, 2019 8:05 PM

Some of us are too ugly for love.

by Anonymousreply 65April 18, 2019 8:06 PM

R65 Or worse, too ugly for ice cream.

by Anonymousreply 66April 18, 2019 8:07 PM

OP I’m 26 and a celibate virgin in a little mountain town with a spicy case of AvPd. I struggle to keep a damn friend.

You’re all good and doing fine trucking on the road you’re on, trust.

by Anonymousreply 67April 18, 2019 8:09 PM

I've known people who died having never found someone, so that "you'll find someone" is bullshit. You may very well never find someone. I've seen it too many times.

by Anonymousreply 68April 18, 2019 8:11 PM

Are there any matchmaking services for gays? You should look into it.

by Anonymousreply 69April 18, 2019 8:15 PM

I'm 56.

I spend way too much time wanting something I'm probably never going to have. I've fallen for guys I convinced myself cared for me. They did not.

A few acts of kindness (or decency) and I convince myself 'he's here! he's here!'

He is not here. He may not be coming at all. He's probably not. Or I won't find him. Or whatever the right way to phrase it is.

I have tried -- without success -- to 'adjust' or 'alter' or whatever word my friends have used in suggesting I lower my standards. Personally, I can't make myself love someone I am not physically attracted to.

I say I'm done, but of course, I can't turn off being lonely or wanting to experience a relationship.

I have a small bit of hope. Everyone tells me I'm a great guy, have a lot to offer.

Pops checked out early. I think that fucked me up.

Good luck, OP. I hope you find someone.

by Anonymousreply 70April 18, 2019 8:17 PM

R43 nailed it.

by Anonymousreply 71April 18, 2019 10:07 PM

It’s never too late to rock n roll.

by Anonymousreply 72April 18, 2019 10:11 PM

We're not talking the "Peppermint Twist." We're talking "Love to Love You, Baby."

by Anonymousreply 73April 19, 2019 1:17 AM

Be the change you want to see.

by Anonymousreply 74April 19, 2019 1:19 AM

R74 And not menopause.

by Anonymousreply 75April 19, 2019 1:20 AM

Yes ... definitely! Just follow the yellow brick road!

by Anonymousreply 76April 19, 2019 1:50 AM

Over 50 and with no prior relationship experience? Same odds as winning the jackpot.

by Anonymousreply 77April 19, 2019 2:01 AM

Old people sex is hot.

by Anonymousreply 78April 19, 2019 2:01 AM

I'm still in love with someone who is dead. Is it wrong to masturbate to them?

by Anonymousreply 79April 19, 2019 3:02 AM

As long as they don't mind...

by Anonymousreply 80April 19, 2019 8:55 AM

I'm 53 and going out on a date with a guy 36 who I met at the gym. Wish me luck.

by Anonymousreply 81April 19, 2019 1:01 PM

Luck!

by Anonymousreply 82April 19, 2019 1:27 PM

I’m gonna do what R54 did and just settle for a retard! I actually think they can be kinda hot!

by Anonymousreply 83April 19, 2019 3:03 PM

R83-You remind me of Ricki Lake in Hairspray when she complains about the class the teacher wants to put her into. Tracy Turnblad says : That class is for RETARDS!

by Anonymousreply 84April 19, 2019 3:29 PM

R84 - LOL I love that movie! Haven’t thought about that in years! Devine played her mother if I remember correctly.

by Anonymousreply 85April 19, 2019 3:34 PM

Devine?

Who, Andy?

Oh DEAR!

by Anonymousreply 86April 19, 2019 3:37 PM

Hairspray(1988) Debbie Harry played the BITCHY mother of this bitchy girl named Amber.

by Anonymousreply 87April 19, 2019 3:44 PM

Yes Blondie!! John Waters movies need a thread all their own. Does anyone remember Edie the “egg lady”? She sat in a child’s playpen all day and Devine threw eggs at the nasty bitch!

by Anonymousreply 88April 19, 2019 3:48 PM

I’m partnered for ten years, but go out alone to the Eagle late on Sundays after they have all been drinking all day and do quite well with the trade I pick up. However, at 48 years old, I definitely could not get these hot guys in a sober well-lit environment!

by Anonymousreply 89April 19, 2019 4:00 PM

I think gay men beat the odds just making it alive to 50 years old. We have so much to conquer in our lives that at 49, I’ve already lost friends my age. That being said, I’ve always been lucky in love. I would date a guy for 2-3 years then break up with him and find someone better. 10 years ago I decided if I didn’t want to grow old alone I’d better settle down and am still with him. Of course there are no guarantees in life, but I’m content (not ecstatic) with the choice I’ve made. However I can’t imagine being single at this age. I would just be resigned to being alone.

by Anonymousreply 90April 19, 2019 4:50 PM

Falling in love being in a relationship is by far my biggest challenger in life. People will say, “oh you can be content alone” or “find hobbies” etc. But for most humans there is that need for companionship, intimacy, or just having that one person you can share the little things in life. I’m not into the dating apps much I used them when I was in my 20s but now I just have zero desire in using them. Unless you’re extremely outgoing with a great deal of free time to pursue various hobbies meeting someone basically comes down to luck.

I don’t think it necessarily has to do with looks, personality, I think (I’m including myself in this category) that there are people that just won’t be able to experience true romantic love. In my mind I’ve made peace with the fact that I won’t ever get married, have my own family, and I probably won’t be in a serious relationship.

So a lot of my thoughts about the future are pretty bleak. Being alone, old, dying, left the mercy of complete strangers. Is this really what I’m living for and is it worth it to continue on knowing this bleak future?

by Anonymousreply 91April 19, 2019 5:13 PM

R91 - hang in there. I know it may seem hopeless and meaningless but there must be a reason you’re here. Are you important to someone else perhaps?

by Anonymousreply 92April 19, 2019 5:15 PM

Spanx OP.

by Anonymousreply 93April 19, 2019 5:17 PM

Yes, you must live your life according to other people's opinions! It is really important to compare your life to others and strive to not go against social consensus.

What would your neighbors think? 40 is the official cut off.

by Anonymousreply 94April 19, 2019 5:28 PM

R92

Most of my friends have moved on they are partnered with kids both my gay and straight friends. I think a lot don’t feel as though they relate to me so slowly but surely most of them have distanced themselves from me.

by Anonymousreply 95April 19, 2019 5:33 PM

I think that’s part of why so many males commit suicide in their 40s. The sense of hopelessness and despair really sets in and they just pull the trigger!

by Anonymousreply 96April 19, 2019 5:34 PM

R95 - just hang in there and if you’re able, enjoy a walk on a nice day or go to the beach and reconnect with nature in some way. Be grateful you’re still here.

by Anonymousreply 97April 19, 2019 5:36 PM

Anything is possible, but finding a relationship after decades of being single is unlikely, unless you change the behaviors, mindset, physical factors, etc, that led to you being single for so long in the first place. A 50 year old virgin is not suddenly the hot new player on the singles scene. You need to make yourself attractive, physically. and otherwise.

by Anonymousreply 98April 19, 2019 5:39 PM

R91 Do not be suicidal. If you have your health and your mind, you have the world by the balls. If you don't have anything else, go out and FIND something. Go back to school. Get a second degree. Or a first degree. Learn a new language. Write that novel. Paint that chapel. There is always something new to discover and it doesn't have to be a motherfucking man!

One thing I love about being single in my 50s is seeing the guys I had crushes on back in the day. Those 8, 9s, and 10s of yore who today couldn't laid in a prison during an eclipse. One guy I pursued relentlessly for years, gorgeous as fuck, rejected me every time. He had relocated to another state and apparently now he's back. Oh, for the words of Rostand's Cyrano, what father fucking time and mother's cunt nature will do. His looks have coarsened and aged, he's filled out, and his hairline can rival Bette Davis in Queen Elizabeth I. And to add the cherry to the cake, he asked me OUT TO DINNER.

The orgasm I had when I said "No fucking way" shot from Jersey to Vancouver. Baby, there is hope. And please don't take a powder. There's always love and there's always someone in a worse off situation. xoxo

by Anonymousreply 99April 19, 2019 5:43 PM

And for those lonely singles out there, everything is not as perfect as it may seem from the outside looking in. I’ve been in a relationship for years and often times wish I was single again. Then I think about getting older and it being nice having someone there. But if you have the finances you can hire those services! Of course being poor and alone is definitely a bleak situation, but where there’s a will there’s a way!

by Anonymousreply 100April 19, 2019 5:44 PM

I'm one of those too ugly for love. And no I did not spend my life looking for 8, 9s and 10s. It was shown to me by a series of off the bat reactions by people who were pretty mediocre though I did not think ugly. Nobody in my life ever called me handsome except for a couple of aunts. Even my mother who when she thought I was straight said I'll get a girl on the rebound i.e. a woman desperate to be married as long as a man was available.

I never shared a vacation or even a weekend with somebody I was crazy about. No, life was not worth living.

by Anonymousreply 101April 19, 2019 5:49 PM

R100. Bravo. You speak for thousands. Out of dozens of couples I've known in relationships, I've been hit separately by virtually each and every one of them. Tip off: Any of these couples addressing their spouses as "hunnee," "baby," "lovey," "sweetie," or "papi," one or both them are cheating. No Luv like True Luv.

by Anonymousreply 102April 19, 2019 5:50 PM

R101 You can never be too ugly for love. Only too ugly for ice cream, like the great Michael Jackson supporting Miss Barbra Streisand.

by Anonymousreply 103April 19, 2019 5:52 PM

I've been so psychopathically obsessed from when I realized in my late teens I was ugly by my lousy looks and constant rejection( and please don't tell me it was my attitude and lack of optimism, I've known some pretty sexy guys who were really fucked up manipulative people who did not have trouble finding partners) that I think if I had money and power I might be very cruel to people like Barbra. I have to be nice even though I think I'm a nice person. But maybe actually not so much.

by Anonymousreply 104April 19, 2019 6:01 PM

If you can't eat a guy out, eat a box of Triscuits!

by Anonymousreply 105April 19, 2019 6:05 PM

I know a guy who is as ugly as sin, almost like body parts of five different people were mixed up and slapped onto him. A true face for radio. But he gets laid all the time.

P.S. He's 10 inches uncut and wouldn't trade with the face of the young Antonio Sabato Jr.

by Anonymousreply 106April 19, 2019 6:08 PM

Wheat Thins Sandy.

by Anonymousreply 107April 19, 2019 6:11 PM

R106 - I know similar guys. And I myself have ridden the big cocks of some ugly motherfuckers! (Would never date them of course) But as far as long term relationships and love go, that is definitely more difficult to attain.

by Anonymousreply 108April 19, 2019 6:13 PM

R108 You should read the following about Jonan Falcon. 13 inches and nobody loves him.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 109April 19, 2019 6:16 PM

I am not 10 inches uncut. It would have helped enormously. I am small like my father. However my father was a good looking man who kept his hair throughout his life. No problem finding girlfriends. My mother wasn't sexually driven like he was so she was probably relieved he found action elsewhere.

I'm the product of a lot of bad recessive genes. And unfortunately was as sexually driven as my father. He needed a lot of affection and attention from women and got it as opposed to me with men. My father loved life. I hate it with a passion.

by Anonymousreply 110April 19, 2019 6:17 PM

R110 How old are you? What kind of career do you have? What is your financial situation? What state are do you live in? Is there anything else to give you happiness? Do you have friends?

by Anonymousreply 111April 19, 2019 8:14 PM

Today unfortunately handsome doesn't cut it. Not even a buffed body, if we're talking tiny meat. This is the size queen generation and the bitches are even worse with that than the gays. Plenty of buffed straight handsome guys have had a tough time in keeping a relationship for that very reason. Their only hope, I guess, are fat chicks.

by Anonymousreply 112April 19, 2019 8:37 PM

We don't want small dicked men either!

by Anonymousreply 113April 20, 2019 11:25 AM

It's really disturbing to think that people really feel they are too ugly for love. R110 there is always someone to love. What you might be out of the running for is the "Alpha male," the mirror-worshipping, malignantly narcissistic, ragweed-headed millennial who by your age will lucky if he's still alive. I won't even touch how he'll look. Sometimes to get love we must first give love. Start with friendship, start with social clubs, common interests, passions, goals. There are many things about the world that I hate and cannot change. But there is much about MY world that I love and take great measures to change. It boils down to a choice. It's your choice. Take it. Do it. Make it happen. Love is waiting somewhere in the shadows. Find it and don't let fear stand in your way.

by Anonymousreply 114April 20, 2019 6:20 PM

I am 45. I love being 45. I don’t give a shit.

by Anonymousreply 115April 20, 2019 10:07 PM

45 is a great age if you're in good shape. The prime of life. The best sex I ever had was at 45.

by Anonymousreply 116April 20, 2019 10:12 PM

I know people who never made it to 45.

by Anonymousreply 117April 26, 2019 2:51 AM

They died of Aids?

by Anonymousreply 118April 26, 2019 2:52 AM

Some died of broken hearts. Being gay will do that to you.

by Anonymousreply 119April 26, 2019 2:55 AM

R110 Buy a bottle of Bois de Portugal by Creed. $400 for 6 oz. If you can't look good, at least smell good.

by Anonymousreply 120April 26, 2019 3:08 AM

Favorite misspellings today:"Grinders" (in this thread) and "celery" (instead of "salary", in another thread). I vote that these two join the DL pantheon, alongside "pron" and "WHET".

by Anonymousreply 121April 26, 2019 5:07 AM

R106 you left out: Veiny, rockhard, swollen, and girthy

by Anonymousreply 122April 26, 2019 5:13 AM

R112 I suspect I am not the only person who would prefer an average cock and great face to an ugly whopper. After a certain "point" it's just a waste of flesh.

by Anonymousreply 123April 26, 2019 6:53 AM

R114, you'd better call your AA sponsor as you've obviously fallen heavily off that wagon.

by Anonymousreply 124April 26, 2019 8:19 AM

[quote] I know a guy who is as ugly as sin, almost like body parts of five different people were mixed up and slapped onto him. A true face for radio. But he gets laid all the time. P.S. He's 10 inches uncut and wouldn't trade with the face of the young Antonio Sabato Jr.

You can always find smegma freaks out there.

by Anonymousreply 125April 26, 2019 8:20 AM

[quote] It's really disturbing to think that people really feel they are too ugly for love.

Oh, my. Hahahahahaha. You haven't been gay for very long, have you.

by Anonymousreply 126April 26, 2019 8:33 AM

R126 No, my dear. Perhaps, I've been gay for too long!

by Anonymousreply 127April 26, 2019 5:10 PM

I'm 47. My partner died 10 years ago.

Men my own age are chasing twinks. Or those Istagram types.

How anybody finds the shaved G.I. Joe thing sexy is beyond me.

The guys who come after me are looking for a Daddy. So not into it.

But where there is life there is hope.

by Anonymousreply 128April 26, 2019 5:30 PM

R34 seems very sad to me. He's seems like a very bitter, nasty thing who can't even get a cat to like him.

On another note, 50 in NYC or LA is a whole different story than 50 in the midwest.

by Anonymousreply 129April 26, 2019 5:36 PM

As long as you’re hung, fit and rich, I’d date you if you’re over 50 and “pretend” to be in love with you.

by Anonymousreply 130April 26, 2019 5:39 PM

I met the love of my life at 48! Not on a dating app. We’ve been happily married for almost 20 years!

by Anonymousreply 131April 26, 2019 6:39 PM

Elder gay here. I met my other half at 52, and I never thought it was possible. It is. It happened, as they say, when I least expected it. We're together 18 years. And no, we weren't fugs. We were and are attractive, secure men who had been through similar shit in our lives and found a lasting kinship in each other. We officially married last year in P-town.

by Anonymousreply 132April 27, 2019 3:22 AM

Congrats, R132!

by Anonymousreply 133April 27, 2019 3:38 AM

[quote]The problem is any in shape guy over 50 worth having isn't looking at anyone over 50.

If the over 50 guy looks like this, I'm sure as hell looking:

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 134April 27, 2019 3:43 AM

Won't happen

by Anonymousreply 135April 27, 2019 6:25 AM

Get a cat.

by Anonymousreply 136April 27, 2019 7:05 AM

You'll never know unless you get off the damn computer and actually meet someone.

Sheesh.

by Anonymousreply 137April 27, 2019 8:10 AM

R134 I guarantee you he's not looking at anyone over 35. At the oldest!

by Anonymousreply 138April 27, 2019 6:51 PM

R137 - Oh, the irony.

by Anonymousreply 139April 27, 2019 7:27 PM

For most, there's a time when they stop looking. For some, they continue to look. For many, they never looked at all.

by Anonymousreply 140April 28, 2019 5:40 PM

OP, love is complicated at any age, but I want you to find and develop a devoted partnership with a hopeful resolution!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 141April 28, 2019 5:59 PM

Love is to be made.

by Anonymousreply 142April 28, 2019 7:25 PM

I'm 55, just lost 60 lbs, toned up over the course of the last year. I could have sat and cried in my beer, but I threw away the beer. I got myself a trainer, went vegan, worked out 5x-6x a week. And now I feel great, look great, and have been having some of the best sex I've had in years, mostly ages 30s to early 60s. 50 isn't fatal, and bottoms are only old with they're flabby, saggy, chubby, or prolapsed. I can still throw up it to the right! And the left!

by Anonymousreply 143May 5, 2019 12:16 AM

R96, I never thought of it that way. A pal of mine killed himself at 41; his wife was sick and they had a two year old. It makes no sense.

I'm older, have no one and I think about ending my life all the time b/c there's no love coming into my life.

My whole friendship with my buddy felt...I guess like it was too good to be true.

And it was.

I wasn't in love with him; I guess deep down I saw that he was so lonely and unreachable. But I did love him.

We were close.

by Anonymousreply 144May 5, 2019 3:40 AM

R144-How old are you?

by Anonymousreply 145May 5, 2019 1:46 PM

Bought a house in a medium sized Southern town. The gay former owner is deaf, 80 years old , widowed and sold the home to move in w his new partner! Wow! Don’t give up.

by Anonymousreply 146May 5, 2019 1:54 PM

I know people who didn't make it to 40 and started their lives over again at 50. Yes, there's hope. Now do it!

by Anonymousreply 147May 12, 2019 8:15 PM

There's no one person/soulmate for any of us, and there's always time to find happiness if we make an effort. Will he be perfect? No. Neither are any of us. There is no such thing as a "Dream Guy" in reality because that dude is a fantasy who either doesn't notice you or who never loved you back. Find a realistic, fun, fulfilling lover and start living life again guys!

by Anonymousreply 148May 12, 2019 8:37 PM

Ain't gonna happen and that's okay. There are many upsides to solitude.

by Anonymousreply 149May 12, 2019 8:51 PM

Volunteer at a School for the Blind.

by Anonymousreply 150May 12, 2019 8:57 PM

It only took me 50 years to realize that after all the losers, drug addicts, alcoholics, psychos, and malignant narcissists, I was the luckiest person alive to be alone. Being in a relationship is way overrated, and just the same, solitude and comfort in one's own skin is way underrated and undercelebrated.

One can never be truly "alone." If you live in the NY Metro area, just getting yourself to a friggin supermarket is a safari or navigating thru traffic between the hours of 3p and 7p. After the lights, the lines, the hustle and bustle and a job that requires interaction with a gnawing, cloying aggravating insane public, you will TREASURE those moments of absolute quiet and uninterruption. It's heaven, actually. A dick is just a dick at any age. But a soul is timeless, and if you're careful, it's yours to keep forever.

by Anonymousreply 151June 19, 2019 12:06 PM

Of course it possible. It’s not like your feelings die at 50.

by Anonymousreply 152June 19, 2019 12:17 PM

R152 No. But everything else does.

by Anonymousreply 153June 19, 2019 9:48 PM

So who ever has fallen in love with someone they find physically unattractive but has a wonderful soul?

No one ever.

by Anonymousreply 154June 19, 2019 11:30 PM

R147, Do mean you they died, then came back and were reincarnated as a 50 year old?

by Anonymousreply 155June 20, 2019 12:20 AM

Yes, you can fall in love after 50, but it will be one sided, I can assure you.

by Anonymousreply 156June 20, 2019 2:58 AM

It's seeming more and more like one is gay dead after 40. After 40, the thoughts of rock hard really mean tombstone.

by Anonymousreply 157June 20, 2019 1:11 PM

So many Debbie Downers on this thread.

by Anonymousreply 158June 21, 2019 10:08 PM

R112, you give me hope!

by Anonymousreply 159June 22, 2019 6:01 AM

I'm fifty fucking one and amazed I lived this long. I should have been dead years ago and oh, how much better life would have been, how much suffering exploitation, humiliation, degradation,, isolation I would have been spared if I had just contracted a deadly disease. AIDS before Prep. The world is brutal to the ugly, lethal to the overweight, and when you're both things in the gay world, you're perpetually crucified. Embarrassing to be friends with, to pathetic to be mercy fucked. Even the alcohol doesn't take away the pain. Add poor to the mix and you're home is a morgue, only you're still alive. All I want to do is sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep. Life doesn't just suck over 50. It always sucked. It sucked it 5. And it will suck at 90.

by Anonymousreply 160June 22, 2019 5:03 PM

R160 Happy 50th Anniversary, Judy Garland!

by Anonymousreply 161June 22, 2019 5:07 PM

I got in fantastic shape at 55 lost 75 lbs in a year and a half weight trained, have the best physique I've had in years good skin, energetic and still finding it hard to meet anybody. That includes my own age. I don't know where these guys saying they're having more sex at 57 than ever before, but I can honestly say they're probably full of shit. Looking good, it's still tough over 50, unless you want to settle for a bovine ape.

by Anonymousreply 162June 24, 2019 8:03 PM

R162-Isn't hard to meet someone at ANY age? I didn't find it easy when I was 33 years old let alone 53 years old.

by Anonymousreply 163June 24, 2019 8:11 PM

Actually, 35 is the official cutoff age for finding a meaningful relationship. After that, the boys are only with you for what they can get out of you. ($$$) I’m lucky enough to have found a partner at 37, but all my 40 plus year old friends are single old maids, or occasionally used by a cute boy for a couple weeks or months and then it’s over.

by Anonymousreply 164June 24, 2019 9:51 PM

A lot of replies here speak of the impossibility of finding someone new in middle-age. Perhaps it is rare and difficult.

But what of finding surprising love in existing relationships? There must be male friends or coworkers or even neighbours in their 50s who realise they have a connection that isn’t just platonic. Some people stay closeted or hide their feelings and pine for decades.

by Anonymousreply 165June 24, 2019 10:18 PM

R160, I feel the same way.

I have days where I want to die.

by Anonymousreply 166June 27, 2019 6:05 AM

I see a surrogate and I told him once if you ever stop doing this give me a little notice if you can. Just let me know when you're going to say goodbye.

He said it wasn't about him saying goodbye to me, but rather, me to him. He wanted me to find someone so I could move on and be happy. He wanted me to grow and learn and love myself.

I have been unable to grow. Or find love.

He left town, but he might be coming back later this year.

I'll see him, of course. 15 hours of happiness in an otherwise shitty year in a shitty life.

by Anonymousreply 167June 27, 2019 6:11 AM

There really should be a clinic where gay men over the age of 50 can choose to go and be euthanized peacefully and painlessly. I know I would go if I didn’t have a partner or fulfilling work. I used to be able to get a thrill by having anonymous sex, partying with friends, and looking hot, but now I’m invisible. I think it’s more difficult for someone like me who used their youthful good looks and body for fulfillment. Now that those features are gone, it’s like I’m missing that “drug” and “high” from being lusted after. I’m reading more and trying to enjoy other hobbies, but nothing compares to youth! Well I should be thankful I’m still alive; I’ve lost so many friends and family over the years my age or younger.

by Anonymousreply 168June 27, 2019 2:01 PM
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