Let’s be a Lesbian Gathering

“We don’t like Dykes!”

That bitch is butch!

I am the bikes

Really OP. You feminine guys give a bad name to gays.

I'm the large d*ke who behaves aggressively with any masculine gay men who threaten my butch styling.

Good try OP, but nothing, and I mean NOTHING for the lesbian threads will ever compare to this classic.

Let's be a Lesbian Thanksgiving

I love that fucking mess Kim...

I'm the word 'space'.

I'm the story told as light conversation, in which one lesbian recounts how she was reported for bullying an intern and tries to blame it on 'hatred of gay womyn'.

I'm the smell of fish.

I'm the tie-dye shirt -- my wearer claimed I am not mass produced and was made at a weekend womyn's retreat, but that's proved false when another two attendees turn up wearing the exact same one.

I'm the passive-aggresive behaviour.

I'm the grunting to show territorial dominance.

I'm the humorless lesbian trying to FF this thread out of existence.

I the brand new Tesbian shoving his way to the front.

I'm Caitlyn's invitation. I must have gotten lost in the post...

I'm the neighbor, a gay man who lives next door, being berated after he asks for whoever parked the Subaru on the pavement blocking his drive to please move it.

I'm the collection of tattoos on the fatty upper arms, exposed by a range of sleeveless, shapeless tops. On the calves too.

I'm the looks of confusion when the other guests see Kim now carries a purse.

The questions I raise are answered when someone sees that I am only carried because I hold a bottle of Everclear for quick swigs.

I have no real hands on umpit

Oops ^.

I'm the innocuously asked question: 'Why doesn't the bathroom have any soap?'

After a protracted silence the hostess shouts: 'BECAUSE SOAP IS A PATRIARCHAL CONCEPT! WOMYN'S BODIES ARE SELF-CLEANING!'

I'm Pat -- the grilling half of the hosting couple, firing up the grill.

Excuse me, you absolute whore, r6?

- signed the queen of lesbian threads: Dark Lesbians & any and all Michfest threads

R23 Fair enough, Have at it. BUT YOU KNOW I AM RIGHT!

I’m the Tupperware.

I am the boundaries being stated now so I do not have to state them 100 posts in.

I'll be the pitchfork carrying Woke Folk and Angry Trannies outside, screaming death threats at lesbians for daring to even have their Transphobic Exclusionary Gathering. Our protest signs will say things like 'ONLY TRANSWOMEN LESBIANS ARE ALLOWED ANYMORE. WE RULE NOW AND IT IS THE LAW!

I’m the carefully trimmed fingernails.

I'm the date and time, scheduled so as not to clash with Rachel Maddow.

I'm the virulently right-wing views casually expressed throughout conveniently dismissed by mentioning 'I voted for Hillary'.

I'm the reduced risk of finding a stray hair in any of the food, given that all present have buzzcuts.

I’m the smudgy, faded dolphin tattoos that can be found on the cankle area of a few of the ladies attending

You guys already did this during Thanksgiving last year. I think it was "Let's be a Lesbian Thanksgiving" - close enough.

We HEART all genuine Diesels and we HATE all fish (aka str8 females)!

I’m the free bread pudding!

I am the word "share." "Is there anything about your first sexual experience with another woman you would like to share?"

With all the "queer"/trans nonsense going on today with el-gibbity, my days of making fun of lesbians are long over.

Homosexual solidarity!

I'm R33 and this is not funny.

I'm the nostalgia for the '70s.

I'm the one butch dyke in the group who has a sense of humor and would rather be at the gay men's bar sharing bitchy stories and making everybody laugh simply because I'm really a drag queen trapped in big ole' lesbian body.

I'm repressed memories of a sexual assault at the last one on these gatherings.

Nah.. let's not.

I'm the veritable jungle of plus-size plaid shirts.

I'm the argument.

I'm the embittered old queen who hates all women and loves it when I can get others on the internet to pile on too.... SUCH fun!

I'm R45's homophobia.

I'm the confusion over whose cane is whose as the guests go to leave.

I'm the preponderance of single syllable first names.

[quote]I'm the collection of tattoos on the fatty upper arms, exposed by a range of sleeveless, shapeless tops. On the calves too

I never understand why these people with saggy fat arms wear sleeveless tops, this made me laugh

I’m the music selection providing ambiance in the background: Melissa Etheridge Greatest Hits, Melissa Etheridge Live, Indigo Girls Greatest Hit and Live Album, Guns and Roses Greatest Hits, and Irish Bagpipers Greatest Hits: The Funeral Masses- all on repeat

Im the tall, well-dressed Latina femme with a PhD in Philosphy. I'm gorgeous and hilarious and I dont know anyone who remotely resembles the clueless and wildly outdated stereotypes you're posting here. And I'm glad I don't know any men like you. Your posts are really shameful.

I'm the venue that had to be changed as it as wasn't large enough to contain R51's ego and smugness.

I'm the shock that R50 forgot k.d. lang.

I'm the mobility scooter.

I’m Hank. Nice to meet you, r48.

I'm the butch business dyke. I dress like Signourey Weaver in Working Girl and don't hide my contempt for straight women and gay men. I can't help but suggest a more efficient way of serving and/or distributing food.

R51, I see you.

This shit is tedious. It's a gay board, and yet they allow lesbian bashing?

I wonder at Muriel who shuts down celeb' threads but considers this ok? It's not funny anymore, and particularly when we're being attacked politically and socially. I'll still stand by my gay brethren, but it's becoming harder and harder when the humor they keep citing is nothing but. It's boring, divisive and mean.

R57 Add in a kinder, warmer joke if you want the tone of the thread to change. Add several. You ought to be able to.

Thanks, R58, for the invitation, but no thanks. I just had to scrub the slurs off of the barn because even rednecks know that all goat farmers are 'slut lesbians'

I'm too old for this shit anymore, I suppose. Maybe I should have laughed the paint off of the barn but I'm plumb out of giggles around this shit.

I'm the boi with the edgy undercut hairstyle.

R59 You're on a gay board, no one is painting slurs on your barn or wanting to. No one got the idea to do that here. We don't hate you.

I'm the complex social arrangement between the cats, maintaining balance in the house.

Certain spare rooms may not be entered, except to stow coats.

R59, I'm sorry about what you're dealing with. After absorbing discrimination and sometimes hate from straight people within our real-life communities, it would be nice if when we escape to a virtual GAY community for entertainment and relief, we didn't have to deal with more slurs and homophobia. I expect a little bit of homophobia when out in the "straight" world, but the slurs and phobia sting even more when they come from within the community.

Yep, exactly, R63, and thank you for the understanding.

Yes, R61, I know that is typically the case. I actually opened it looking for a bit of relief, a little fun laugh to make it all seem less cruel. I suppose I'm just a bit touchy and on edge. The farm isn't exactly accessible and though the goats are ok, they're a bit jumpy today, too (pun intended). I'll be up tonight to see if some of the local humorists reappear.

This isn't funny.

I don't need to be clicking onto these threads, but must. I live in a small Maine town where I run an indepedent womyn's hardware store. Business is tough enough without the hatred I receive daily. Just the other day my store was damaged in a Kristallnacht organized and perpetrated by the town's large and hateful majority: Menindressesgendered and those hedonistic, humorless gay men.

I could move, I suppose. But I feel duty-bound to remain as a matyr (albeit one with a great sense of humor and laisser vivre). I will not be erased at a time when gay womyn are having the ends of pencils being rubbed against their bodies. However, I never lose sight of the fact that all-privileged class (gay men) are the enemy. It's those vapid, sex-crazed, M-A-L-E, Garland and Streisand loving queens (and any other stereotypes I can think of) that force me to post here; just as they force me to wear a plaid triangle with a large 'k.d.' stamped in around town.

Sometimes I wish AIDS would become drug resistant.

Let's not and actually show some dignity for a change in supporting our gay sisters rather than post nonsense and insult like R65 just did.

R65 can fuck the fuck right off.

I'm the lesbian who is determined to fill the 'that's not funny!' stereotype. I will be in attendance as soon I finish confirming every DL stereotype.

I'm the pre-process meeting "check-in".

I am also the process meeting post after said "check-in".

I am also the post process meeting "check-in".

I am the homemade cedar, sea salt and sandalwood scented soy candle that was brought last time and hidden away. I am now being lit for the first time and turning several guests off their food.

I'm the irrelevant female historical figure being brought in conversation to tell everyone she got 'a bum rap'.

I am this outfit being worn since it's a special occasion:

I'm the bow tie being worn semi-ironically (since it's a special occasion).

I'm the lawyer bragging about the pro-bono work I'm currently doing for the refugee women's shelter.

I am the hostess who likes to call herself thrifty. I am really just cheap. I am also the watered down booze she serves (which at least helps reduce the risk of fights).

The gathering is in a sharehouse in Footscray, Melbourne. Attendees are excitedly retelling their stories from the recent Vegan March in the City.

I am the only woman present who does not own a second home by a lake. I will, however, lie and say I do and remain steadfastly committed to it as the lie ever snowballs.

I am the fifth cat on a vegan diet that killed my four predecessors. My owner says 'it was my choice'.

I'm the bucket of KFC that shows up at every pot luck.... still in the bucket!

I am the insistence on being called 'Professor' or 'Doctor'.

I am this excerpt from a Rachel Maddow interview:

[quote]Tell me the most conservative thing about you.

[quote]Probably my drinking habits. I am a rigorous curmudgeon when it comes to alcohol. All
 the mixed drinks and cocktails that anybody needs were pretty much settled a generation before I was born. There’s no reason to have, like, cordials made out of new flowers. There’s no reason to put bacon in your fucking bourbon.

I am this excerpt from a Rachel Maddow interview:

[quote]Tell me the most conservative thing about you.

[quote]Probably my drinking habits. I am a rigorous curmudgeon when it comes to alcohol. All
 the mixed drinks and cocktails that anybody needs were pretty much settled a generation before I was born. There’s no reason to have, like, cordials made out of new flowers. There’s no reason to put bacon in your fucking bourbon.

I am my formatting fails. Does DL not allow double quoting?

I'm the femme being told by the other ladies where I can find the nearest straight bar.

I'm the bombshell revelation that ruins the evening: "I voted for Trump. It's these fuckin' trannies that are the real problem."

I am the tears that are inevitably coming.

I'm the half of the couple that makes no secret of the fact they were dragged along unwillingly.

I'm leaving early. I have to be up early to go to the farmer's market tomorrow morning.

I'm the black eye and elaborate story to go along with.

I'm the broken beer glasses after a jealous scuffle.

I'm the multiple restraining orders hanging over a number of possessive women in attendance.

I'm the aggressive behavior of women in attendance, discussing toxic masculinity.

I am the nutloaf served. Of course I am 100% cilantro-free.

I'm the awful freeform poetry.

I'm the badly behaved adopted children left at home.

I am the foofoo fruit with blond highlights, budget Botox, a prolapsed anus, and a drinking problem that brings out my velvet rage. I am 52, look 59 and boast that I look 35, and pay major money to "straight" escorts who shimmy out the door the nanosecond I am done with my business. All my relationships are frenemy relationships -- no one trusts me because I am the pettiest backstabber in my small town, although on DL I claim to live in London and New York. I wear a pink shirt a size too small.

I am the zeros cape garden I did my self because the next drought is coming and you gays are not prepared. I spent 3 months moving a truckload of bolder with my bare hands.

I am the cute grifter lesbian who looks like an innocent boy but I will hit on both gay men and lesbians depending on who is most willing to let me crash at their house in defiantly. I am not transgender, but I take a males name just to make it even more confusing.

R95 Beautiful.

F&F R95.

R99 = triggered

Nice to know you think hating gay men is funny. Where is the Webmaster?

A doggy style finger bang. A bull on all 4s with think sliced ham lips ravaged by gravity. Haunting hand claps and chanting from the glow in the closet. Nae's Bieber cut sweated to her obese face. Bull bucks her hips then electrically points one leg completely erect into the air. A dildo spontaneously combusts. Dark lesbians.

R95.

Wow. I can't believe that post hasn't been greyed out yet. Is it from Lipstick Alley?

I thought R95 was pretty funny. The pink shirt a size too small was a nice detail.

100-odd posts slagging off lesbians and you get your knickers in a twist over one post about gays? Ugh fuck off with your hypocritical outrage.

'Foofoo fruit' -- that term does not come from a place of humor.

R105 I think it's a pretty good description of a certain type of elder gay man we all take the piss out of on here. In fact I think I recognise him from Mike's disastrous trip to Palm Springs.

Yes, we can and often do joke about gayness.

But why is it being brought up in this thread out of the blue? Why is that term being used? That post is hateful, inappropriate, not relevant, and bitter.

Muriel, close this thread if you're not going to block that poster please.

It things like this that make me not want to Datalounge. It seems gay men are being pushed out of our own site and told to just ignore that kind of homophobia -- which doesn't come from a joking gay man.

R108 Why not just block the homophobe so you can get back to hating lesbians?

Maybe because there shouldn't be homophobia on a gay website?

R110 If R95 had been posted in the Palm Springs thread or any other thread of gays laughing at gays, you'd have laughed your head off. It appears in a thread laughing at lesbians and suddenly it's the most hateful thing ever expressed. Don't be such a ridiculous hypocrite.

[quote]If [R95] had been posted in the Palm Springs thread or any other thread of gays laughing at gays, you'd have laughed your head off.

Then maybe it should've been posted there. No one asked for it be posted here. It's abrupt and clearly an attempt not at humour or conversation, but at mocking gay men. Y'know we just don't need this.

I'm the varying arrays of short hair-do's that are the proverbial "lesbian haircut".

See: Rachel Maddow, Ellen, Tig Nataro , and K. D. Lang.

See also: Whatever the hell Ruby Rose is wearing at the moment.

It's just amazing the hate gay men have thrown at them and then the total lack of desire to understand by lesbians.

The average lesbian likes to imagine herself as virtuous and somehow above base gay men. Attacks on gay man are always grounded in hate. Lesbians, because they are a privileged group that does not experience homophobia, are complicit due to how often they side with straights over gay men.

I don't expect anything to be done about it. I don't know if this site is now majority women and all the staff are, but it's clear you can say whatever you want about 'foofoo fruit' with impunity.

R114 Have you read any of the posts in this thread before the offending 'foofoo fruit' one?

I'm willing to suspect a few of the previous posts were actually posted by lesbians since a lot of the lesbians on DL have a sense of humour. One post out of one hundred posts does not constitute a 'takeover'.

You're taking one not particularly offensive post to give yourself an excuse to turn a pretty inoffensive thread into one hurling hate at lesbians. You're insane.

I am having a hard time understand R114. Lesbians certainly do experience homophobia, particularly in corporate America, where their not sucking up to/sleeping with men is a big disadvantage. And they tend to have a pretty skeptical view of straights -- do they really join with them siding against gay men? I hope not.

[quote]since a lot of the lesbians on DL have a sense of humour.

LOL

All women are bisexual. /thread

Gay men are like straight men: their sexuality is mostly set.

[quote]Lesbians certainly do experience homophobia, particularly in corporate America, where their not sucking up to/sleeping with men is a big disadvantage.

So not fucking their boss is homophobia? Your mindset is soaked is privilege.

[quote]And they tend to have a pretty skeptical view of straights -- do they really join with them siding against gay men? I hope not.

Gay women side with straight women over gay men all the time.

Well, that one homophobic poster certainly achieved their aim of derailing / ruining an otherwise funny, lighthearted thread.

The deterioration of this thread backs up the stereotype of lesbians being humorless. Go to the Let's Be A Lesbian Thanksgiving thread to get some hope back that the stereotype isn't (always) true.

What a fucking disappointment this has been for the most part. AS FUCKING USUAL

"since a lot of the lesbians on DL have a sense of humour."

Hilarious.

Lesbians are funny...because they are humorless. That's the joke.

R121 Have a fucking drink, Kim. Your hands are shaking.

Lesbians have as much humor as Brie Larson has talent, looks and sex appeal. To a humorless, ugly frau, this point will be very hard to understand.

[quote]since a lot of the lesbians on DL have a sense of humour.

After they've just spend the whole thread crying about how this isn't funny. We can joke about Palm Springs, threatre queens, and basement Dionne Warwick fans -- yet dare mention KD Lang and it's a huge issue.

R125 humor for lesbians is like watching a fish out of water.

In a strange sense, lesbians are sociologically in need of a man. Thus, they come to a gay board to finger wag at gay men for being "too mean". Since no man will fuck them, they can't lord the puss over some boyfriend or husband the way lipstick lesbian like Amber Heard did to Johnny Depp. But all women *live* to boss men around. Particularly priviliged western women who think any observation they dislike about any woman, ever, is an attack on all women...because if you think one lesbian or starlet is unattractive or stupid, they *just know* that you secretly think it about, gasp, them.

Shaking right now, you guys. The hatred for women around here is unbearable! - every triggered lesbian, in every thread they invade

All women think that they have the right to invade the cliubs/boards/gatherings of men. But if men dare demand the same (why would they? On principle) then women will scream that they feel "threatened".

Anyway, the fish are here because they don't have the captive audience at home. No man is there to berate and shit on when they feel upset about "male dominated society", aka their fat asses and mediocre faces. Because everything is always about how women (i.e. the given frau) should be "worshiped".

It doesn't help that lesbians have such an huge unjustified victim complex.

Honey, gay men have faced a tougher time that any of you can even imagine and what we've done is laugh through it. The whole gay political movement -- spearheaded by gay men -- has been about laughing through the pain. We've worked to win people over through over humor and let the hate roll off our back. Called a pervert by Anita Bryant? Do a drag act about her and her orange fresh scented pussy.

So try it our way sometime.

One hundred anti-lesbian posts and it's all good fun.

One anti-gay post (which wouldn't be out of place in any other thread) and you all lose your shit.

It's also clear this thread has been taken over by some really unhinged lesbian-haters.

You sum it up beautifully, R127. ✊🏼✊🏾✊

There are no anti-lesbian posts. There are lesbian jokes on a lesbian thread about Datalounge institutions like bread pudding and canes.

There is one person who decided to insert a hateful gay stereotype onto a thread that had nothing to do with it.

This is a gay men's board and we feel under attack here.

Can I guess from the term "foofoo" that R95 (still up and posting) is from the Caribbean, a deeply homophobic place.

I'm Amie's pendulous breasts enjoying freedom at MichFest.

I'm more fascinated by the...person in the background, R134. WTF?

I'm feeling nauseous after seeing R134's link.

I'm still unable to get over that someone posted in earnestness that lesbians have a great sense of humor.

I'm white and I lofe spicy food, R137. Poor comparison: white people are capable of loving spicy food, though not many do, while lesbians appear to be genetically devoid of humor.

I lofe spicy food, and hate butterfly keyboards, covefe!

Lots of white people love spicy food, but traditional white food -- from North America and Europe -- is usually unspiced.

A lot of lesbians hate sex, drag, diva worship, plastic surgery, and the idea of two men raising a child.

Anne Murray music will be playing!

There's a kind of instinctive homophobia that most lesbians fall back on like a lot of straights do (even supportive ones) when they feel gay men are too threatening. Lesbians don't care about homophobia and in fact work to uphold it.

Now lesbians are to blame for homophobia? Please.

Well this thread took a nosedive!

I’m Mo. I wear men’s Fruit of the Loom men’s white briefs. I make sure that the waistband shows in the back when I’m sitting. They really do fit better!!

Plenty of lesbians are quite openly homophobic.

Yes, and roving bands of lesbians go around beating up gay men. The media covers it up.

Oh come on you guys! Knock it off! It’s the fucking internet. The world is too much of a nightmare not to laugh at each other. When taken seriously it just makes us all look sillier. I though the pink shirt post was great. If you can’t take what’s dished out just move on or start a thread out of resentment and watch it end up making a lot of people laugh.

Lesbians are too busy beating each other, r148. And their victim complexes mean that most would see any man, gay or straight, as a "threat".

Most homophobes don't beat up gay men. Most homophobia does not take the form of violence. I smell fish from your post, R148.

Though some lesbian upthread did try to suggest gay men vandalize lesbians' properties.

Eh, Betsy DeVos and Karen Pence don't beat up gay men. Does that mean they're not homophobic?

[quote]The world is too much of a nightmare not to laugh at each other.

I agree. But tell that to the lesbian at R57.

R57 also has spent time telling everyone that Johnny Depp is the Devil and Amber Heard is Mother Mary. Looney lez, constantly blaming men.

I’m Donny the dyke like. I’m the gay guy that only likes lesbians because they aren’t sexually threatening to me. I can’t go to this gathering because one of the other lesbians requested no men. I usually make it to the other gatherings and am the only man there. Most all the dykes really, really like me.

No lesbian has been attacked on this thread.

R95 has attacked gay men.

R95 will not be blocked.

This space has been taken over.

I'm the voice of reason who interrupts an argument that's going nowhere by telling everyone they're all pretty and to play nice while simultaneously putting on the kettle, passing around beers and opening another bottle of vodka.

I'm the abuse statistics. I could ruin this party.

Im just feeling like my voice isn’t being heard. I need to have a bunch of people pay attention to me, tell me they love and that I’m okay.

I'm the virtue signalling about eating only organic, vegan, local, non-corporate food.

Yet every woman hear is at least two hundred pounds.

*here

I'm R95's ratty weave.

The amount of triggering going on would suggest R95 hit a pretty big nerve in here.

Perhaps if you bought your shirts in the next size up you'd have the room to laugh once in a while.

Stastically, lesbians are much more likely to be overweight than straight women.

Gay men are much less likely to be overweight than straight men.

But the joke about plus size plaid has already been made I'm sure.

im Donny the Dyke Like and I posted R95. I love to play that I’m an angry lesbian on DL. It’s a safe, non-sexual way for me to interact with other fags.

That lesbians will defend R165 just shows they're not on gay men's side.

Can you imagine if they spent half as much time standing up for gays as they do calling them sexist and trying to language police?

....

I'm the dream catcher earring (singular).

I'm the combined efforts of all present to defend gay men. I am non-existent.

Is it true that women with eyebrow rings are dykes? Nose rings? Curious about the culture.

Fat, poor hygiene, sour face are key physical markers, R171.

Where are we on tattoos, R172? If a girl has, say, tats on 60% of her body, is she a lesbian?

I'm the trannies protesting outside the fenced area- who are hellbent on ruining the hole day!

I'm Oprah.

Amber Heard is humorless. I should have known that she was a dyke.

I'm the Eagles-Cowboys game that's on the TV.

I'm why straight guys are so much more comfortable with us than with femme gays.

I hate men. That is my only defining quality. Which is why I am a DYKE

I am the lesbian lothario. I have four dates a year, two of them ending in kisses.

i hate men. My name is Brie Larson!!!!

i'm the rotting neck brace foam

I’m the carrots, cucumbers, celery stalks, and stick butter shaking with fear in the host’s refrigerator. I’m praying that things don’t get out of hand like they did at the last party for Pat(rica)’s birthday.

I'm the guest furiously masturbating to the thought of Elisabeth Hassleback naked in the bathroom that a neighbour can see clear into.

I'm the word "KETO" and no one utters me even once during the entire evening.

I'm the overblown and completely false story of abuse at the hands of a transwoman told to everyone with glee.

I'm a joke. I will not be told once during the whole evening.

I'm the hostess' total lack of effort to decorate or clean beforehand because not having guests sitting on piles of old newspapers would be forcible constraintment into gender stereotypes.

I'm the call to work in the other room. All the guests manage to overhear me however and become aware of just how one womyn treats underlings.

I'm the guest whose going to ruin all the furniture because I'M FREE-BLEEDING!

I’m the guest who is also a CBD sales rep!! I’m going to tell everyone about how CBD has changed my life! And my wife Becky and our cat Mittens!

You need to buy your CBD from me because I can talk to you an hour about how I’m selling the best brand available. I’m also going to let R189 know that CBD also helps free bleeding!!

I'm the scent of multiple yonis at the womyn's meet as we gather naked legs open to sky goddess .

I'm that time of the evening when talk turns to politics. All in attendance agree that they will be voting for Amy Kuntbacher in the Dem primary because she's a 'strong woman' they say, which is a euphemism for being an abusive bullying cunt like all the womyn there.

I'm the rare purebreed the owners insist came from a shelter.

I'm the talk of getting the old '92 netball team together for a reunion. I am chillily received when the other former members of the team present remember the incident in which one of the women on the straight half of the team accused one of the women on the lesbian half of the team of sexual assault.

I'm the young child Kim killed while drunk driving.

I'm also this: "Yeah, the judge had it in for her. Man, of course."

I'm the all the ample fat distributed around the midsection, not the thighs where straight women would store it.

I'm the thin slices of roast ham piled atop one another.

I look like... well, you know.

I'm the frau neighbour next door. I sell cosmetics and when I see so many women entering from my upstairs window I think I'm about to make a killing.

I don't.

I am more aggressive than most men.

Where are the real women at? Who are all these ugly men?

I'm the half blind elderly Asian woman who is still driving though she shouldn't be. I rely heavily on my sense of acute sense of smell to get about and have ended up here instead of the fish market where I wanted to go to.

I'm the coleslaw brought along.

Lesbians run this board.

I am the cultivated moustache.

I am the aggressive 'service dog'.

I found this in Hollywood Lesbians Part 2, after someone questioned Brie Larson's acting ability and looks:

"I’m gonna go ahead and guess you’re not into ladies full stop? Are you a gay man or an angry incel?But you’re soooo right, actors should only be really really good looking ( by your standards) because that is most important above all else. There feet should be perfection, it’s imperative to any role. Now go ahead and post a photo and your CV so we can decide who should play you in your life story. I’m sure it’s fascinating.

—Brie’s Oscar"

Does Brie Larson post here? It sure looks like it! LOL.

When actors have only Brie Larson's level of talent they had better be good looking.

Feminine features usually look good on a man.

Manly features never look good on a woman.

I've yet to see an attractive looking lesbian.

Lipstick lesbians are hot. But that usually means they're really Amber Heard types: siociopathic bisexuals.

I'm the groupthink.

Is Amber Heard really a lesbian. Lesbianism is trendy among straight women the way gayness will never be among straight men.

I'm the guest turned off her nut loaf because she's sitting beside Bar, the Jewish gender studies professor, just back from three weeks at a kibbutz with a huge mane of curly hair that hasn't been washed since before she left.

I'm:

Link to lesbian meltdown/groupthink whine fest in Amber Heard thread. She is the victim, pure as snow, guys! Anyone who thinks different is "mentally ill".

I'm Camp Brother Sun, filled with little pre-rapists.

I'm the lesbian who's deeply concerned that an anonymous gay man who can't see me, might not think I'm pretty. Worry, worry, worry. That's me. Oh I do hope some random, unknown gay guy finds me attractive. I do so hope I'm feminine enough to gain his approval.

I won't be at this party.

I'm R216. I hate gay men, and don't care about their opinions, which is why I follow them around, attempting -- futiley -- to be humorous ("dyke" and "humor"? Like Rosie O and "diet"> Big fat NO), and hang out on Datalounge, a gay men's board. Because I don't care what gay guys think of me. The world revolves around me and my passive-aggressive putdowns that, like the rest of me, are as sophisticated as a 13 year old girl's civic protests and twitter selfies (selfsame).

I'm the hot lesbian. So hot, I'm almost mythic to the lesbian community.

I'm the lesbians who must HATE this thread -- because OP is greyed out.

Oh, God. Now thread has better proved that humorless lezbian stereotype better than this one.

I'm R216's passive-aggressiveness.

Why do feel the need to specify a *gay* man, R216?

I'm Ellen

I'm an easygoing, witty, stylish, and attractive lesbian.

I'm the threats to assault transwomen freely discussed.

I'm the expensive dining table carved from a single cedar tree.

I'm the assertion that a cabal of gay men control the fashion industry and are responsible for fish having eating disorders.

Lesbians are stuck in the 1970s Men=bad, women=good mindset. Amber Heard could skin a toddler and if it was male they'd still defend her.

And I don't know what it is: But so many of them are bullies too.

R208, when I was in LA on business, I saw many pretty even beautiful gay women in West Hollywood. The lipsticks hide. You only notice the obvious lesbians. Same with masculine gay men. Gay men do not like feminine looking men.

BUNP

I haven't met or hung around lesbians other than a handful of times but every time they were humble, funny and self-deprecating.

This thread suggests otherwise, R231...

I’m the feet on a table.

I'm the date rolls to go with the carob tea.

I am the 6 extra rolls of dollar store toilet paper that will soon block the toilet.

And the irony is that women love to talk about, especially lesbians, that "our womyn space is always invaded by entitled men" when it is usually the other way. Datalounge is more than half female but it should not be that way.

I'm the 'femme'. I'm the only one who would describe myself as such however, and do so on the grounds that I have a not entirely successful self-cut Jane Fonda Klute hairstyle rather than a crew cut like all else present.

I’m the Harley Sportster parked out front. I’m parked next to my cousin, a Chopper.

If gay men were actually a majority on DL, R95 not OP would be greyed out.

[quote]I haven't met or hung around lesbians other than a handful of times but every time they were humble, funny and self-deprecating.

I've hung around lesbians before and they all had a major victim complex, passive-aggressive nature, and, yes, no sense of humor.

[quote]Yes, and roving bands of lesbians go around beating up gay men. The media covers it up.

Lets be honest, no one will deny Lesbians are in general very pushy. Sometimes threatening. They like it that way.

The reason a few trans threads were closed was because of the incitement to violence by lesbians on them.

R12 Lol@Bar

That's. Not. Funny.

I'm the butch Bull D-Yke who hates men but does everything in my power to look like a rough 40 year old man from the trailer park by the tracks.

I'm the Baja Fresh voucher given as a gift.

I'm the assertion that lesbians were the real victim of the AIDS crisis because they allegedly did so much unpaid nursing of friends (whom they seem resentful of).

I'm more than a little homophobic.

I'm the talk of the pressure to fit into body standards. Clearly not felt by any of the fat women present who just love to complain.

I'm Chelcie Lynn.

I am the feminine les who is with another femme and the bulldykes loathe us.

R238 - I’m the 5’ lesbian who insists she bought the 883 because it’s faster than a springer softail. Can we say shorter, lighter and cheaper?

R240 Probably just met some awful people (whomever they may be) to hang around with.

I'm the empty bottles of Ranch dressing all over the place.

I'm the ' glandular issue ' that keeps my weight steadily rising. Eating a entire Easter ham and 4 pounds of potatoe salad for lunch has nothing to do with my weight gain and I consider that suggestions a form of rape .

Im the butch Lesbian who took over one of the LA AIDS organizations and shortly there after ran it into the ground until it closed because I have no social graces or ability to attract donations.

I'm lateness.

I will NOT be tolerated.

I’m a non-white person. I will be absent from this gathering as I was from Michfest.

[quote]4 pounds of potatoe salad

Welcome to Datalounge, Mr. Quayle

I’m Paula Poundstone

I’m all the hair shorn off at the barber shop. No froo froo salons for us gals.

It was the prolapsed anus that triggered you all, right? Bitchy queens can give it but not take it....

A bread pudding and cane joke is not remotely comparable to a prolapsed anus 'joke'.

I mostly don't care for jokes about gay men on this thread because this thread isn't for that.

I'm all the worst aspects of women combined with all the worst aspects of men.

🗿Je Suis Michfest !

#NeverForget

I’m the one eyed dog

I'm the blog that was closed because the creative force behind it lost interest after no one read it. Said creative force will tell everyone it was censored by powerful forces because it 'stood up for women' (read: consisted entirely of unhinged, often transphobic, rants).

I'm the pop culture references that are all at least twenty years out of date.

I’m all the shirtsleeves left on the cutting room floor.

I'm the tired middle-aged woman who still thinks she's radical because she attended a protest back in 1979. I will talk over everyone present.

I’m the Johnny Cash cassette in r271’s Ford Ranger.

I am these boots, required for the twenty foot walk from the Subaru to the front door.

I am the rancid homemade apple wine brought as a gift. My maker knew I was rancid when she brought me, but she was not shelling out for a bottle from the supermarket. She will feign surprise when the hostess reservedly mentions rancidity. The surprise will only half convince.

I'm the only rich woman who regards oversized denim shirts as the height of style. I will not be attending, just inspiring.

I’m the softball uniform pants being worn by at least one guest. Game day, y’know.

I'm the bruises on the adopted children -- and the lies to explain them: "They're real outdoorsy. She's a real tomboy!"

I'm the burly, 5'10' woman looks like Bea Arthur on roids but who says, 'Trans just don't look, act, or sound like women.'

I’m the U-Haul trailer attached to Jen and Diane’s truck. They’re moving in together after this gathering. They’ve been on three dates.

I am this sign, spotted despite being buried beneath a mountain of other clutter. I belong to the hostess, a Jill Stein voting sister. I will cause an argument.

I'm this even worse sign.

I'm the ongoing discussion still of whether or not Debbie Reynolds and Agnes Moorehead were lovers.

I’m the one Lucille Roberts membership card.

I am very lonely and haven’t been picked up from under the passenger side floor mat in years.

I'm the antisocial personality that prompted a mid-life career change, much to the relief of former colleagues. All present have one and have followed the same path, though their desire for victimhood means they will all claim they were forced out of their former jobs.

I'm Karyn's story about how she came to break her leg. The several units of alcohol consumed beforehand will not be mentioned.

I'm the ranch house that despite my owners' routine trips to the hardware still manages to look awful.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

I'm Amber Heard's trip to the hardware store to purchase a sledgehammer and axe with which to deface an apartment and blame it on an ex.

I'm the not successful amateur, terracotta pottery strewn incongruously (or perhaps just unstylishly) around the place. Jan will lie and claim she was going for 'the rustic look'.

I'm this on the coffee-ring stained coffee table.

I'm the deck.

I'm the Marlboro Reds being smoked on the deck.

Someone will bring the Michigan Womyn’s Fest nut loaf and slightly tweak the recipe for their food allergy.

Ingredients: 1 pound (2 3/4 cups) brown rice, uncooked 2/3 cup walnuts, raw unsalted 2/3 cup peanuts, dry roasted unsalted 1 1/2 cup sunflower seeds, raw unsalted 2-3 Tablespoons canola oil 1 pound (2-3 medium) Spanish onions, chopped 5 cloves garlic, minced 1 pound yams, cut into 3/4-inch pieces 3/4 pound mushrooms, cut into quarters 1 pound carrots, grated 1 pound tofu, firm, cut into 1-inch cubes 1 1/2 Tablespoons parsley, dry 1 1/2 - 2 teaspoons thyme, dry 2 teaspoons marjoram, dry 1 1/2 - 2 teaspoons sage, dry 1 pound sharp Cheddar cheese, grated 2 Tablespoons tamari or soy sauce Salt and Pepper to taste

I'll be using vegan cheese. Until I can find some milk that comes from a steer.

I'm discussion of Cagney and Lacey -- rough equivalne to GG.

I'm Amber Heard, shilling for myself on DL:

"This is for everyone defending Depp: people are complicated. Most people aren’t 100% good, or 100% evil. Almost each and everyone of us falls smack dab in the middle. Some of us lean more into good, some of us lean more into bad. And I personally have no problem entertaining those who lean a bit more into bad, since they’re usually the most interesting and fun of the bunch. But I’m talking about people with passion, wit, and humor. People with talent and creativity. I’m not into spending time with people who beat women, men, kids, or animals.

Johnny has had real and deeply rooted anger issues since he was a teen. He has assaulted people repeatedly, and I promise you that there have been incidents where Johnny has mistreated complete strangers, that did not make the news for multiple ($$$) reasons.

He has a history of violence, and he is unwilling to take responsibility for his actions.

Johnny isn’t just an abusive drunk/addict. When sober, he is also a kind, warm, and thoughtful guy.

This idea that he can only be one thing, is ridiculous.

I was still holding on to a sliver of hope for him before this lawsuit. He came from a violent childhood, & I empathize with that profoundly, because I too, experienced a less than ideal family dynamic as a child. But I don’t punch holes in walls, kick down doors, destroying furniture, throw inanimate objects at others or aimlessly in order to hurt or intimidate, nor do I verbally or emotionally abuse those around me, nor did I do so when under the influence.

The man has a real, and serious fucking problem. Suing his ex, and dragging her through the mud, calling her a whore and a dyke, isn’t going to fix his problem, nor is it going to make him look like a victim.

This isn’t Johnny vs. Amber. This is Johnny vs. Johnny."

Tevas on!

she barely, if ever, fucked Johnny, I’ll tell you that much. And it looks like her girlfriends aren’t rich, so there goes the gold digger theory.

Now that being said, I cannot for the life of me, understand why she married Depp. The girl is drop dead gorgeous, and could have married anyone with money.

And I used to actually defend this creep. I thought that he had drug and alcohol problems, and could actually turn it around. But this lawsuit proves that Johnny is beyond the point of no return. What a fucking idiot.

He’s DONE. Over. No one will ever come near him again."

I’m the rainbow flag on the Chevy S10 pickup outside.

I'm Moosewood Cookbook.

I am this woman. We all know one at these gatherings.

Im on a hit show, stop trying to hug me, who gave you the right to do that?

I'm Lyn and Jackee, smiling now in public, but soon to be violent once at home:

Gun Nation idiot, Pauline fucking Hanson, and journo Margo Kingston. R303 ?

No, that's Lyn and Jackee.

I'm lezschbian achshent.

I'm the facial hair.

I’m the helmet from r238’s rider put down not so daintily on the coffee table.

I'm the fifty shades of grey in the hair.

I’m the blazer paired with Converse. My wearer fancies herself original even with several other guests wearing the same.

What’s the lesbian equivalent of Palm Springs?

R303 — they actually do look like a lez couple.

R311 Home Depot

I was thinking somewhere like New England with a lake...

Or maybe a dude ranch in Nevada.

Most gay men don't go to PS though. That's a stereotype. But most lesbians are wealthier than gay men.

I'm someone saying, "I see you".

I'm the GTBL Community Organization board meeting.

I'm the furniture ruined by free-bleeding.

I'm the crutches, canes, walkers, arm braces, wrist braces, knee braces and other devices that are used for mobility.

I'm the massive collection of board games and cards that actually do get used and enjoyed, preferably in front of the open fire by a mob of women drinking beer, G&T/V&T/herbal tea/actual tea, and admiring cats.

R317, go sit by r189. You have a lot in common.

I am this article:

[quote]r82 I am my formatting fails. Does DL not allow double quoting?

The i or b in brackets will carry through the rest of a post and make everything that follows italic or bold if it's not eventually closed - - as we all have been horrified to learn at one point or another.

But the quote within brackets must be repeated at the beginning of each new paragraph you want separated as a quote.

No one knows why this is.

I was told there'd be cak..

I'm the transvag. It's bleeding! Is this what a period is?

I’m the game of softball that the really butch Lizzies will eventually play to see whose non existent penis is the largest. The captain of the winning team will go home that night and demand some dildo sex from the ole ball and chain while the strap-on groans from being stretched too tightly across the fat ass dyke’s ever growing gunt.

I'm a female art major who has been brought to the gathering by my current girlfriend Bob. I tell everyone that I identify as trans and maintain a condescending tone for the remainder of the party. I'm also dressed in clothing that is so nondescript one could have mistaken me for a labourer on a Chinese turnip farm during the reign of Mao Tse Tung.

I try my hardest not to trip over the wooden carvings of forest creatures that are scattered about the country-style garden that borders the house but fail miserably while stumbling through it and end up breaking my bottle of Colt 45 on the patio stones.

It's a Brie Larson thread. Prepare yourself: humor is outlawed in this thread, with the threat of death. Click if you dare.

I’m the gay man whose had a difficult live until my of the privileged women present. I try to diffuse situations with humor and be polite because those I interact with don’t need to hear my problems. I will not be invited to this gathering.

Unlike many

I’m the registration on Kim’s ‘97 Subaru from the Thanksgiving thread. I’m still expired.

I’m the tipping or lack thereof.

I'm the constant threat of potential violence in the air.

I'm the usual old, lonely, shut-in queen who spends hours on this board and lives to trash women in general and lesbians in particular. I can almost get a semi-erection from typing "fish" but my full Depends stops even that rare occurrence.

I’m r333, proving yet again that lesbians have no sense of humor. I weep into my dream catcher.

That's the funniest thing about this thread: the lesbians who are unintentionally fulfilling the humorless lesbian stereotype over and over again.

I'm the average age.

I’m the tower of unopened Bark Box subscription boxes in the lower foyer. I’m the well worn seventh edition of “Nourishing Traditions” on the sticky kitchen counter next to the mason jars of fermented beet juice.

I’ll be Meredith Baxter Birney who’ll tell everyone who’ll listen that she was trapped in an emotionally abusive marriage, and hasn’t a clue that she made his life miserable.

I’m Mitch’s confusion as reaches for the TV remote only to find it doesn’t work, at which point she remembers she took the batteries from it to put in her vibrator.

I'm the ringleader when it comes to reenacting the 'Bo Rhap' scene from 'Waynes World'.

I’m the discussion about the constant fear of being raped by women who no man would ever want to rape.

I'm r296, repeatedly attempting to derail a humorous thread with obsessive Amber posts that everyone else scrolls past without reading. I am a better example of humorless lesbians than the actual lesbians posting on the thread (if any).

I'm R342: the typical triggered stalker-dyke that, devoid of male attention in my personal life, attempts to police men on online forums. I would beat my girlfriend, but I've never had one.

If this doesn't sound funny, well, that's because it's not, R342. It's just pathetic. AKA your life on DL is the same as your sexless life at home: a fat ass, a dried-out, unloved pussy, and a complete lack of humor. Another prototype dyke, dear.

I'm r343, assuming he is talking to a lesbian. It never occurs to him that he bores everyone, male and female alike.

I am the faded, blurry tattoos... so many faded tattoos...

I know I'm talking to a lesbian based on your pressing need to control others. That Amber Heard thread really triggered the hell out of you, dear lez.

Two posts from Mommy @ R344. Typical Dyke: telling men what to do on their own board. Not one humorous comment. Only comes into this thread to whine. Prototype dyke behavior.

Maybe it's Amber's lezzie dweeb girl, iO. That thing has been on here shilling for Heard. Well, it's rare, even in the dyke community, to see a young girl with a dick for a face ("rape" face!). But iO pulls it off.

A great man wrote a love letter to you, R344. Enjoy:

"It is only the man whose intellect is clouded by his sexual instinct that could give that stunted, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped, and short-legged race the name of the fair sex; for the entire beauty of the sex is based on this instinct. One would be more justified in calling them the unaesthetic sex than the beautiful. Neither for music, nor for poetry, nor for fine art have they any real or true sense and susceptibility, and it is mere mockery on their part, in their desire to please, if they affect any such thing.

This makes them incapable of taking a purely objective interest in anything, and the reason for it is, I fancy, as follows. A man strives to get direct mastery over things either by understanding them or by compulsion. But a woman is always and everywhere driven to indirect mastery, namely through a man; all her direct mastery being limited to him alone. Therefore it lies in woman’s nature to look upon everything only as a means for winning man, and her interest in anything else is always a simulated one, a mere roundabout way to gain her ends, consisting of coquetry and pretence. Hence Rousseau said, Les femmes, en général, n’aiment aucun art, ne se connoissent à aucun et n’ont aucun génie (Lettre à d’Alembert, note xx.). Every one who can see through a sham must have found this to be the case. One need only watch the way they behave at a concert, the opera, or the play; the childish simplicity, for instance, with which they keep on chattering during the finest passages in the greatest masterpieces. If it is true that the Greeks forbade women to go to the play, they acted in a right way; for they would at any rate be able to hear something. In our day it would be more appropriate to substitute taceat mulier in theatro for taceat mulier in ecclesia; and this might perhaps be put up in big letters on the curtain." - Schopenhauer on women

I'm the gorgeous lesbian chic farmer all the men love to watch strut through town in my tight jeans and farmer boots. I have long blonde hair I keep in a long braid, a shapely ass, and luscious B-cup boobs on a dancer's frame. No one knows I'm gay. No one, and I keep it that way with my smiles, nods, and a quick foot on the gas pedal. I keep a shotgun under the kitchen sink. I graduated from Simmons with a M.Ed and teach in a rural school.

Funny thread, guys. Don't bother to come looking for help from me or my lady friend when they come for you. Thanks for playing into the cruely of divisive humor at the expense of those who used to (or so my gal tells me) defend y'all. We know what we're doing here, feed ourselves and mind our business. And without being mean about it, I agree with several posters above in saying that we've somewhat lost our sense of humor after 2016. Game night used to be a thing around here with all our neighbors, but people have been different since then and so this thread has mocked and derided right along with them. I also admit I thought this thread was hilarious though I have no idea what Michfest was.

[quote]I am the faded, blurry tattoos... so many faded tattoos...

Is this supposed to be humorous? It reads like a 16-year old girl's menstrual Instagram poetry.

Very lezzy. And totally without wit, as usual.

Lesbian Humor is the same, really, as a Lesbian at a nude beach. (click link below) Funny for all the wrong reasons.

I'm still trying to decide if R347 is a parody post or not...

I'm:

I'm the thin veneer of an OTT wacky and comic personality (a la Amy Schumer or Rebel Wilson) about to crack when I see my ex-girlfriend has been invited.

Your hatred of women is killing us.

I'm that troll, R352. Long time no see, 'Misogyny Kills', Troll.

I'm this I just read today

I'm leaning towards thinking R347 is a parody post. The 'y'all' gives it away.

I'm R347's ego. I am consuming all the oxygen in the room.

I'm the spiritual lesbian.

I'm the blind man whose guide dog took him here when he wanted to go to the fishmonger.

I'm the attempts to repair a well-worn item that needs throwing out. My lack of success is obvious and noticed by all present.

I’m the full bolt of fabric it took to make Nan’s shirt.

I'm the introductions:

"Nan, Pat"

"Pat, Mitch"

"Mitch, Bar"

"Bar, Sue"

"Sue, Jo"

"Jo, Nan"

Do you mean THE FATS OF LIFE reunion?

I’m the women’s sporting event being watched.

The WNBGAY sucks r363

WNBA is as aesthetically pleasing, just as far as basketball skill, as a Lena Dunham nude scene.

WNBA "marketing".

I'm the couple who pride themselves on being 'no drama, no bullshit' unlike, they say, straight couples and gay male couples. This is, of course, totally delusional and said couple with be having a loud, drunken argument before the night is out.

In the Lesbo world the older, fatter, and uglier you are...... The more you are in demand!

This thread is but a pale imitation of the fabulous MichFest extravaganzas from days of yore on DL.

What can ya do, R369? Mychfyst is over -- and with it all the ample potential for jokes.

I am the huge SUV and trailer owned by a fifty something couple with no kids. I will be the cause of a lecture by a GreenLez who mostly likes the environmentalism movement because it conveniently excuses her poor hygiene and allows an avenue for her holier-than-thou tendencies.

I am that drum!

I'm the cane at 0:59 at R372's link.

[quote] allows an avenue for her holier-than-thou tendencies.

Is there any lesbo that lacks this..."quality"?

I'm the 'edgy' haircut that ceases to be edgy when half of the other attendees half it.

*have it.

....

I’m the oil leaking in the driveway from Kim’s Subaru.

I am the words 'adult, human, female'.

I refuse to make fun of our lesbian sisters, particularly now when our rights are under threat and misogyny has found a convenient, socially sanctioned means of repressing women's voices.

I’m the outraged, tremulous lesbian at the family holiday meal who is taking every mundane comment as an insult, and will soon be sulking in the driveway, chain smoking American Spirits and muttering into the gathering dusk.

I’m a Pontiac Aztek. Ugliest car ever made. Versatile SUV preferred by Bulls.

I'm the 45 single of Helen Reddy's "I am Woman" that the womyn at the gathering wanted to listen to because they were feeling nostalgic, but they can't find me, because Jill threw me against the wall and shattered me into a million pieces years ago when Helen traded in her feminist persona for a frauish role in Pete's Dragon and multiple appearances on The Love Boat.

I'm the sighing loud enough to be heard in the other room.

I’m Phranc. I used to soundtrack college parties of this group but now I’m here to sell tupperware!

I’m the drip from the kitchen sink. I no longer exist. Her dad refrained from fixing me because he knows she likes to do these things.

I'm the ancient Paula Poundstone special being watched.

I am the bottle of sparkling cider being brought in lieu of wine.

I’m STILL the registration on Kim’s ‘97 Subaru.

I’m still expired.

[quote]I’m a Pontiac Aztek. Ugliest car ever made. Versatile SUV preferred by Bulls.

Walter White was a dyke?

I'm the air conditioning on max.

R65 is a gem.

R380 has a point - a harmless lesbian joke--even a pointed, accurate one--is one thing but being mean or oppressive toward our lady loving sisters isn't cool. Don't be one of those gay guys who only has other gay guys for friends - particularly if they are all the same age and/or race.

Straight white women and straight white men vote conservative in the majority, and that's inherently anti-gay. So be careful about who you think of as a friend...the vote shows how they really feel about your equality.

The financial difficulties some of our sisters face are sometimes rooted in the systematic oppression of women and of gay people.