Do you feel like your whole life has been a waste?

Yup def my whole has been 1 bad decision after the next. Of course Im bipolar so that adds to it

Bipolar and Recurrent MDD as well. Rage issues that are only intensifying as I become increasingly aware of how much time I squandered and how fucking fast it has gone. The world is fucking next level crazy of late and I'm watching AOC hoping that she becomes the first of many new voices of reason and responsibility that step up and try and yank the wheel that is power but time and experience tell me that it's already too late to stop climate change. The financial costs of both climate change and automation combined with the decreased revenues of a graying and less educated population spell fuck fuckity fuck no matter how you look at it.

Me, I try and not be an asshole 50 times a day and we all know how challenging that can be. I try and do at least one stranger a solid and I remember what at least I do have shouldn't be the definition or answer to who I am. My 1999 self would have not even bothered to look at who I am today without revulsion. Me, I feel better put together than that asshole ever did. Some days it's enough. Some days it's so far from enough it's all I can do to not start the culling of the herd myself. I tell myself that if I can't feel joy at least I live in a world where joy can still exist and that in and of itself is pretty fucking cool even if the rest of it is shit.

The older I get, the more I think that happiness is a matter of attitude more than circumstance. If you decide to be happy with what you have you will be happy, and if you rely on circumstances, goals, or other people to make you happy, you will find that they do not change who you really are.

And no, realizing this hasn't made ME into a happy person! Happier, yes, more content with my lot, but the mindset formed by long-term trauma doesn't go away that easily.

I wasted my whole life doing nothin’! I’m 45.

You loser !

Enjoy

All of it but the sexual parts

I'm 43. I started in publishing in NYC. That took me to working on Kindle at Amazon in Seattle. That led to MIcrosoft. That led to Google.

My parents are also both dead. I made a lot of money. I inherited a lot of money.

I'm handsome. I'm fit. I'm wealthy. The only things that make me happy are:

1. My mother and my brother and his kids 2. My garden 3. My dog 4. Nature 5. Mindfulness of the above

I haven't done the dating/online shit in years. I'm happier than I've ever been.

It's not a waste, at all, none of it, if you devote your time to WHAT YOU WANT AND NEED.

R8, is your mother still alive? You said your parents are dead yet your mother makes you happy.

No, I do not feel like my whole life has been a waste. i only wish I could live another 100 years or more so I can see what happens next.

I can be as bitchy, moody, pitiful, and negative as anyone but I make it a point to remind myself how lucky I am simply because I am healthy, can see and hear, enjoy good food, friends, books, movies, my cat and nature.

I've always had goals and work hard to achieve them. I got a lot farther in my career than I ever dreamed. Still, life is not perfect, it never is. You just have to make an effort to be grateful for and appreciate the good things in your life.

And all you have to do is squeeze your little finger—

I could relate to every word R2 wrote. Yes, OP I wasted my life.

Sad. So many never had a chance.

Life is at base meaningless. You can choose to create meaning. But there has to be some level of denial to be happy. That’s why religion worked so well for so long. Nice easy packaged meaning and purpose and rules. Without religion, it’s easy to be unmoored and hopeless. But we can choose to make something up.

Being present in the now and not overthinking is the only way I escape the anhedonia.

Right. Without love, it ain't much.

You'll die soon enough and your troubles will be over.

No. I did not achieve the way r10 and r8 did. I expected to, but it failed (I failed?) to happen. I won't go into the whys or the hows. I blame myself, of course.

My life hasn't been a waste but I've spent it in service to something greater than myself. I developed a therapy for Alzheimer's patients in 1989 and have refined it over the last 30 years.

[quote]Is your mother still alive? You said your parents are dead yet your mother makes you happy.

He keeps her propped up in chair

True...no thing will ever give enduring satisfaction in this world.

Happiness is a state of mind that comes from within you.

The less you expect happiness from any thing outside you, the more satisfied you will be. And happier.

yes absolutely, especially on the job front. I spent my entire life in a mid level white collar position. I ended up with a pension, but a shitty one, and I made the corporation money but I didnt get much in return. I had little self confidence to do anything else and it was the biggest mistake I ever made. I was able to retire at 54, but money is tight after 8 years of retirement and I really blew it career wise.

On the relationship front I always chased the bad boys trying to reform them and live happily ever after. Never worked.

The pluses are I never did drugs, I never had a drinking problem and seldom drink and have a close relationship with family members for the most part.I also escaped the plague

It was, until I accepted the Lord Jesus Christ into my heart. He made me see the light. I only hope he can do the same for you buttfucking heathens!

Hilarious.

If your ass ain't full of cum at all times, you ain't got much.

No. Not at all.

[QUOTE]I also escaped the plague

Christ, R21, just how old are you?!

I chased after a career and money now I’m left isolated. I have no real friends, family relationships are fractured, and no potential for ever having a long-term romantic partner. I’m left alone and miserable.

But you have money at least, R28. I’d rather be miserable with money than beaming and broke.

Yes, I think life is completely pointless and meaningless. Just have hot sex and hang out with the people you love. It's over before you know it. Thank GOD. I could never stay here forever. I would turn into a mass murderer.

[quote]I’d rather be miserable with money than beaming and broke.

If you feel that way, you must be miserable and broke.

Shakyamuni Buddha pointed out, 2500 years ago, that nothing you can possess can make you happy in any kind of permanent way. Life is constantly falling out of balance for us. If you'd like to investigate what he said about that, his teachings are there. No one is proselytizing , or pushing a religion, but the subject of this thread is exactly what his teaching was all about. It's vast.

[quote]I’d rather be miserable with money than beaming and broke.

"It's nicer to cry in the backseat of a Rolls Royce than a Volkswagen." -- quote from a gay German baron whose name I forget.

I'd kill for a Volkswagen!

[quote]I wasted my whole life doing nothin’! I’m 45.

I was 42 when I went back to college and became a teacher. Best decision I ever made.

And no, my life is not wasted. I’ve seen the difference I make.

Where are you, R28? If there were a lot of single gay men who could use some love in their lives, there would be no DataLounge. Where are you???

We all die eventually. Life is a waste.

Yes I do. From the time I was roughly 19 to 24 there were a series of events that frankly destroyed my life and badly damaged the lives of the people around me . And yes, I realize how over the top drama queeny that sounds. Looking back I still struggle to make sense of why things went so wrong, I suppose it was the perfect storm so to speak. Sometimes I look back and wonder what might have been had a single factor played out differently. There's a lot of what ifs.

R38 what happened?

R18 please share. Not aware of any cures for AD at the moment.

R35 Do you carry a firearm to class?

Buddhist writings have helped me get over this fear. It’s all a waste and suffering. Just passing through and trying to do no harm. You don’t deserve anything and you should feel entitled to happiness,p or wealth. It’s all suffering. Accepting that took away a lot of the feeling that I missed out on something.

^^^I've never heard that. I like it. It's true. My whole life has been suffering since day one. I'm not kidding.

Everyone is suffering. Rich people like Trump aren’t happy. Just have more - but will never have enough to fill the hole of unhappiness. It. Ay seem like money is the answer - but it’s only part of the equation. And nothing is permamenet. You can be rich and lose it all. Just get through it and ride it out. Acceptance is key.

And have lots of sex to fill the emptiness and numb the feelings

Ms. Sheila E. at R15.

Yes. Sometimes I think there should be a pod, where one can sleep with no past, present, or future. 2001 Space Odyssey teased the concept with deathlike pods used to transport humans across space.

That’s a shame. ™

Of course not, r41. Arming teachers is one of the stupidest ideas I’ve ever heard of.

R8, profoud!

This planet is shit. Ain't a damn thing on it good for you! EVERYTHING has a consequence.

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation. From the desperate city you go into the desperate country, and have to console yourself with the bravery of minks and muskrats. A stereotyped but unconscious despair is concealed even under what are called the games and amusements of mankind. There is no play in them, for this comes after work. But it is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things.

My philosophy in life is that as long as your presence on this planet brings kindness, you are vital and important. Not just kindness in big things, but in small things. It's really the only thing that actually matters. Aspire to be kind in every interaction with every other living being, and your life will be priceless. How are you remembered in the minds of other beings on this planet? How will you be remembered when you're gone, for as long as anyone remembers you? Leave the world a better place for having had you in it. It's all that matters.

yep.

No, but it has been an inseam.

Yes, it has. I’m 42 and never lived up to my potential. But now that I’ve accepted it, it makes it a little easier to carry on.

We need to bring dance halls back.

#53 Thank you.

You're welcome r58.

One of the main sources of meaning in life is raising children. For most of the older gays having children wasn’t possible.

Now with more acceptance and the law, more younger gays will find a way to raise children and that will make their lives more meaningful.

One of the main sources of MY meaning is NOT raising children.

It's never too late. Come back. We need you.

Nah. no children for me. HELL NO.

Yes but in a few years, all will change.

R53 being kind to others does not change or negate other's suffering even one bit. Who are you fucking Jebus Cripe?

I truly wish I'd never been born.

hell no, in 50 yrs I sucked thousands of hot dudes off!!!!

"[R53] being kind to others does not change or negate other's suffering even one bit."

Yes it does!! I haven't had a lot of kindness in my life, but I've been the recipient of a few moments of kindness that made suffering easier to bear, or which helped give me the confidence to take more control of my life.

So while it sucks to be R53, who has apparently never known a moment's kindness, that doesn't mean anyone ought to listen to him.

R64, yeah, Chuck. You'll be dead.

R60 sounds like a mommie-frau who thinks she knows it all.

Yeah, my hole life HAS been a waste.

No. Turning 40 in May and lookng forward to it. I am not rich but I’m comfortable and have lived life on my terms as far as possible while remaining civil and respectful of others’ lives and preferences.

That said, my 20s were objectively a disaster and I spent the first few years of my 30s righting the ship, but it has worked out great and for now it’s smooth sailing.

I’ll mention here that Buddhist teachings have been a big influence on my life, also. Seems to be fairly common among gay men.

Having to children to give YOUR life meaning is such a selfish, narcisstic outlook. Get a dog, volunteer - hell, go become an opioid addict if you’re that unhappy - but don’t have a f***g kid to give yourself meaning.

R70 hilarious how the breeder poons worship their own cunts so much and think all the world loves the lil shits that come out of it. Ummmm we don't.

I realize that life is a rut.

I work 8-9 hours a day and commute 45 minutes each day. I come home, eat dinner, watch TV, and go to sleep. I wake up the next day and just get ready to go to work.

Weekends are spent with friends, at movies, and theatre. I sometimes go to a bar, hook up. I get 4 weeks of vacation so go to different countries usually.

Rinse and repeat over and over and over as I get older and older.

What's the point of it all?

"Having to children to give YOUR life meaning is such a selfish, narcisstic outlook."

You're an idiot, R73, and full of misplaced anger. I loathe children myself, but the fact is that there's absolutely nothing wrong with making breeding and raising a family your life's work, it's what most people do and why not. Most jobs suck, most human beings don't cure cancer or pass world-changing legislation, their jobs are really just a means of survival and if familial love or hope for a bright child's future gives your life meaning, than you're ahead of some people.

I admit it's hard to keep this in mind in an era where shitty parenting is so common.

I have it all and I'm just mildly happy.

I like to play with myself at night

[QUOTE]I have it all and I'm just mildly happy.

I have it all as well and I wish I’d never been born. Even when I’m happy, sometimes maniacally so, in the back of my mind I recognize that I wish I wasn’t on earth. Nothing can change it—some things just blunt the voice and distract me from those thoughts, but they’re still there.

My advice is that if you've never been able to find a job you love doing, leave corporate life as soon as you can afford to. Once you're not under financial pressure you'll find the thing/s you love doing. Life will become more rewarding, and the dreadful treadmill existence will be over. If this is your current existence, you absolutely most plan to be out of it as soon as possible, because if you're still doing it after 50, it will murder your soul.

Not wasted. But coulda done better.

Only when i saw janet jacksons last concert....

Hope I die soon that’s really the only thinking I’m looking forward to

I feel like threads and anonymous places to share these feelings are crucial.

It's certainly better than scaring your family, friends & immediate community with such declarations. This evening my own father once again told me, a former suicidal depressive, in intense frustration that he'd like to "hang himself in the toolshed". I stared at him for several beats, and replied "that's macabre, but ok". He does this every now & then, refusing to seek help/pay for a counsellor for these feelings like the rest of us and instead burdening others with his angst without concern for the listener. Maybe if he felt comfortable sharing with a group of older men or a confidante that wasn't immediately close to him he could resolve this and open up to what is really eating at him and stealing his energy (and I have suggested it), but like a typically Boomer straight male he prefers to dump his tortured psyche onto others using & guilt and emotionally blackmail for relief. He seems to feel that his life has been a waste, but it's telling that he's been saying this for a decade and hasn't done a thing about it. You all here handle this better.

Dear lesbian, you have plenty of reason to be sick of that. If with acceptance, grace, and some good boundaries, it has to weigh heavily on you.

Big hugs to you from a big fag.

"Even with acceptance, grace...."

Sorry. It's impossible to make an error free post on a smart phone.

I had no purpose till I fukd alam wernick..

now I have meaning.

to live to suk his asslips again.

R82 best comment ever.

R84 if someone is determined to off themselves, they will do it. Nothing you can do about it.

Nope, but this day sure feels like a waste.... Although i still have a few hours to turn it around. Im off today, and wanted to clean up my apartment but i cant bring myself around.

He was not Buddha, but Leonard Cohen got it:

I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch, He said to me, "You must not ask for so much." And a pretty woman leaning in her darkened door, She cried to me, "Hey, why not ask for more?"

What about....? It's DEFECTIVE!

Is closure reallytruly possible when it's you yourself that's wasted years on hopes or delusions or pining?

I've managed to allow several years drift by me without my own direction or firm decisive self-motivated action, because I was waiting for someone to give me permission and a map and a deadline. I've now come to realise exactly what damage it is I've done letting this happen, but I don't feel a way to forgive myself and start again. I don't know what action to take or what mental 'snap' to effect to get out of this fugue of years. Is it possible? Is there something I need to tell myself or do to myself specifically to make this happen? I need to make the break.

Yes. I'm approaching 40 and I've been overwhelmed with the feeling that it's all over and I haven't really amounted to anything. I wish I had taken more risks in life.

Yup. I'm pretty much a loser. I don't really have any friends anymore (just facebook friends). And I work as a cashier. I've thought about going back to school to get a degree or some certification to get a 'real job', but I'm not passionate about anything. I don't get much long term joy from things.

I think I probably have depression and should be on medication. But I'm scared of getting dependent on that.

Money can't buy happiness, but what it can't buy, it can rent for a few hours.

I do feel like my whole life has been a waste, except for being a friend to those who are afraid of most people. I'm trying out the idea there's a divine intelligence or some connection between intent and manifestation, if it means that only most of my life has been a waste.

My life total failure if I don’t die early will most likely end up dying in some miserable apartment. Then my corpse will rot for a few day until complains about the smell

OP, you type like your life has been a waist.

Butt so do you, R99.

When I feel like I’ve done something important, something I’m proud of, I make a mental note.

When my Dad asked for advice for a birthday gift for my Mom, I suggested red roses. I was about 20 and he was maybe 60, so it surprised that he asked me. He gave her birthday roses every year for the next 30 years, and it was a great source of joy for everyone.

I rushed into a room in college that was on fire to save someone who had passed out.

I spent the evening with at least three different people at different times who had incapacitated themselves with drugs. Two was just to comfort them, one I’m pretty sure I saved his life.

Inside my head, when I visited my elderly parents and grandma, I reminded myself never to feel that I neglected them, as I lived in a different city, but instead was as attentive and loving as possible, so I should never feel guilt.

I rescued a stranded friend by driving 4 hours in a historic blizzard when there were smarter options for her, but she was scared and need to know she could depend on someone more than she really needed a ride. She called me her “knight in shining black leather. She’s passed and I miss her now.

Then I store this all away, and draw on it like a reservoir.

Likewise, I know I can be stubborn at work, so I made a point of noting all the years and years under various bosses that were great relationships, so I would never feel like a loser due to the relationships that didn’t work out.

You sound rather splendid.

Yup. Life is a waste because we follow all of society's rules about what success is

You're working your whole life to make other people rich--now THAT"s a waste

[quote] R89: [R84] if someone is determined to off themselves, they will do it. Nothing you can do about it.

This is absolutely untrue. People who feel helpless, don’t know what to do, or want to alleviate guilt, may rationalize like this. You can offer help and such help can be effective. I have seen many people use the above as an excuse when in fact, they really just didn’t want to bother to help. (The same goes with helping drug addicts to quit.)

This is completely different from saying “don’t blame yourself if someone has refused your help, the help of social services, and mislead everyone so that they could kill the selves without interference.”

[quote] Do you feel like your whole life has been a waste?

Yeah probably, I haven't really contributed anything substantial to society but I have enjoyed the crap out of living it. So yeah it has been a waste for the world but a blast for me. Hedonism is awesome.

I take comfort knowing that the super rich and powerful who have “accomplished” / made a lot of money have ended up chasing a meaningless dream. If you just took care of your Mom or a child or have sporadically helped another person, you have given more to this world than most rich people who have sucked resources, energy and freedom away from the masses for self-enrichment/gratification. A person who has given something of their time out of love has not wasted their life.

Stop comparing. And realize that the American idea of success and accomplishment is a fraud - if not downright sociopathic.

At my college reunion, three different people credited me with getting them through Organic Chemistry, and thereby graduation. I’d forgotten.

A cabbie I was riding in once tapped the car in front at a traffic light, in San Francisco. It was the cabbie’s first day! The two queens in the car ahead feigned injury, and an ambulance was called, though they declined to take the ambulance. One exited his car and approached the cab aggressively, and the scrappy cab driver raced out of his cab and chased him back to his own car. SF being what it is, I have no idea if the cabbie was Gay, but I didn’t care. The “tap” was less disruptive than a normal drive over a trolly track.

I told the cabbie I would sit in his cab until it was resolved, and gave him my card. After 90 minutes, it was over, and the cabbie took me to my destination, no charge. Months later, I completed a statement. They later wrote back to say that, thanks to my letter, the case was dismissed. No word on what happened to the cabbie.

I do sometimes feel like I wish I had experienced a little more “kindness from strangers”, but I have had my good fortune too, and try to remember all the times that has happened. Plus all the times it’s happened about which I know nothing.

We’re all going to be buried or cremated and forgotten within a few decades at best. People have kids so they can escape the felling their life is a “waste” - which is just an egocentric way of avoiding the reality that it’s all meaningless.

I do not think my life has been a waste. I have always tried to be a good aunt to my nieces and nephew. I also earned a college degree. My father died knowing all of his children were college graduates. Not bad for poor trailer trash.

My life has not been a waste - hell things I've done still reverberate through today. Automation scripts I've written still run in places I've worked. so there's that.

But happiness - yeah I realized I'm in control of that.

Aside from being a caregiver for various family members, I haven't done much with my life. When I'm dead it will be like I was never here.

Ok, after 60 years on this earth I maybe have accumulated a highlight reel of moments that add up to a couple of weeks where my existence was of benefit to the greater good. My mom raised me to be kind and polite and of service to others if possible. Holding the door for a stranger counts. Helping some lady pick up her groceries after her bag ripped counts. I have an animal charity I support throughout the year. I once bought a pair of shoes for some kid going on a job interview who asked me if I thought wearing sneakers were ok.

I guess I just want more than 'He followed call direction' on my tombstone.

[R101] I wish I know you.

Thanks, fellas, but many of you have done such things over time. You just have to store them away to remind yourself from time to time, when you’re feeling worthless.

You are not too old and it is not too late. 💫

Why are we here? There are those who will tell you that the entire reason we are here is to help other people. Then, why are other people here? They are here to help other people, too. Some are more capable than others. Sometimes, the most important thing you can do, is graciously accept someone else’s help, even when you think you don’t need it. .

I used to ask my now-late Dad’s advice on things that I really already had decided about. It gave us something to bond over. And sometimes, I found I wasn’t as smart as I thought. The last was a replacement for my old refrigerator. He had been in the business. My old model was something really obscure, and he did all this research for me. I really miss that now, just having someone who actually cared about what appliances I was buying. And I think it gave him some small purpose at a time long after he had retired.