Are you in a nursing home?

To visit or stay?

I'm guessing you're sick...

They keep showing ads for a nice one during Jeopardy. It has an ice cream machine, and some pool tables, and everyone seems busy playing cards and doing crafts. It's looking better and better.

That sounds more like a retirement community.

Avoid it at all costs. Staff turnover tends to be high in SNFs and the quality of care suffers greatly (and so will you, unless you enjoy sitting in the same diaper all day long).

There’s a very nice one I drove past the other night— it looked like Somewhere in Time hotel, but I was blinded by the ambulance lights in front of it. I would like to live there now. I’m 40. I’m old enough.

Does Shady Pines have any room openings?

Can’t get drunk there, right?

What r4 said. OP doesn't even know what a nursing home is. A nursing home is for people with serious health conditions that require frequent monitoring.

Looks like you are looking at a retirement community or assisted living facility.

Do they have mobility scooter races?

I need to go somewhere that takes Medicaid.

My aunt left her husband of 40 years and moved into a retirement complex. On staff doctor and a cafeteria.

I ain’t talking about no country club or assisted living joint! I need a nursing home godamnit!

You're just looking to get raped by an orderly, ain't ya!

How about a fully stocked bar, r12?

OP, have you tried Cialis?

OP, you have to pass the assessment test to qualify for admission. They ask you things like can you get to the bathroom on your own, can you bathe yourself, can you climb stairs, can you fix your own meals, etc. Hope you make the grade!

I need someone to take care of me!!!

You aren't going to get that in a nursing home r18...

You will get some lazy staff who will do the bare minimum.

Don't we all

But, OP! You know none of us look a day over 27!!!

Hopefully you'll find the one exception to the general hell of nursing homes, OP.

Can’t help it anymore. I’m 45 and in pain.

Perhaps you should give yourself a lift...

OP, if you want privacy and keep whatever personal items you bring with you, enter a private nursing home, not a state home.

You'll get a room to yourself, but it'll cost you up to 10K a month to stay at a Private Nursing Home.

I was, but I escaped to visit my old student, Mary Jo Shively, after that fat assed nurse tried to slip that stupid birthday hat on me. I would have stayed out, but the birthday fairy wouldn't tolerate my friend Mrs. Chesley, screaming obsenities at Jake and the Fat Man, and complaining that her mop smelled.

I need one that’ll take Medicaid!!!!

Troll thread. Ignore

Agree that OP is most likely a troll. Still, a nursing home is not a place where you move to because it looks nice. It's the last stop on the last train you will ever ride. An over 55 community is what you are describing. You have your own apartment. There is a bus to take those who don't drive shopping or to doctor's appointments, or to the beauty parlor. Some offer planned outings to movies, dining out, concerts, etc. Usually there is a club house where you can socialize with other residents that usually has a library, internet access, sometimes a coffee bar, or just a place to relax. Some offer on-site dining for lunch and dinner and housekeeping services. Many allow small pets. Or you can just be a miserable recluse and keep to yourself.

r29 See "The Cool Kids" every Friday on Fox.

My father moved into a Independent Retirement home and loved it. I was a new place and he only needed a one bedroom (widower). They offered three meals a day and all of the services he needed plus he was a big bridge player and a cigar smoker, in his unit. He loved it there...

I’m 45 and ready for a nursing home.

Only a very small and select few can afford to go to one of the few good nursing homes in existence in this country. Even the shitty ones charge upwards of $7000/mo and up. Nursing homes hire lowlifes who go to trade schools and take the CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) course, more often than not on a government grant. These are people who are completely unqualified for any type of responsible work. It's either go empty bed pans and wipe the dirty asses of bed bound geriatrics or work at a Burger King. The average pay for CNAs is just slightly over minimum wage. Most nursing homes are for-profit hell holes that do everything in their power to minimum expenditures and maximize profits. And it's a proven fact that most people die within the first year after entering a nursing home.

If someone told me I would have to go to a nursing home for the remainder of my life I would commit suicide before I would let that happen.

I think I should be in one...I could help out.

Assisted Living is good if you can afford it. But if you expect a lavish apartment, forget it.

Sad to say, nursing homes are understaffed and you usually won't get as much care as you need. If you go in, protect yourself from bedsores.

R19, fuck you! The staff is hardly ever the problem, it is always the management and the greedy owners.

I would much rather be in a nursing home, rather than having my family take care of me. I would rather people go to dying centers when they are ready to die, I am not afraid of death.

Sadly that's not always true. Poorly paid staff are not going to give quality care to nursing home residents, especially the ones who are bed bond and can't even get up to relive themselves. I had a close friend who had to go to what was considered a quality nursing facility for 20 days of physical therapy after major surgery. While he was there 3 nursing assistants were fired for abusing patients with one of them being removed by the cops after making threats during her termination.

My mother was in a nursing home and hated it so much she left after a week. We got her a live-in care giver and she's very happy. Cheaper than a nursing home.

My grandmother lives in a government-subsidized nursing home in Australia. It's not fancy but the place is clean, well-run and best of all, has a great staff. I hear all the US horror stories and then I visit my grandmother in OZ and it blows me away how the staff is professional but also kind and compassionate. If it's an act, they are damn good at it. When I'm in OZ, I visit my grandmother daily, usually for at least half a day. If they're faking it, it must be some effort.

I suspect the staff there is much better paid than the ones in the US. Four of my uncles live nearby and they pool together generous tips for the staff during the holiday season. My nonagenarian grandmother is getting a bit forgetful--the cleaning staff found a couple of grand whilst cleaning her room. They simply informed one of my uncles and asked him to mind my grandmother's handling of cash. Can you imagine that happening at a nursing home in US?

r31 And since women far outnumber men in those kinds of places, he's probably getting plenty of action.

R42, lol. A friend's parents live in a retirement community and they told her the widowers do not stay single for long.

r43 Make sure he has an ample supply of Viagra at all times. Those women are animals!

The US nursing home industry represents the worst of America. Overpriced and expensive - but all the money goes to the for-profit owner instead of to care. They pay staff - who do one of the toughest jobs there are - nothing and skim all the money for themselves.

Interesting twist - if you get into one while you can still pay the $7,000+/ month fee, Medicare (Medicaid?) will pick up the tab when your money runs out. Not sure how long you have to be there first - may vary by home.