I don't really like Glenn Close for some reason but...

To reflect the importance of her win, I have asked - and I would note the Academy has agreed, almost as if on command - that this year best actress will be presented during a commercial break.

Best Actress? I voted for her in Best Actor. How confusing.

I don't care for her either. She is an actress whose popularity baffles me. She is capable to good but nothing more.

Meryl will clap politely while shrugging and staring at the ceiling, looking perplexed...wearing an aubergine off-the-shoulder Alexander McQueen, long diamond earrings and the eyeglasses that make her look smart.

Meryl isn't attending this year. She's busy expecting her first (bastard) grand child.

There’s an awards ceremony soon? I had no idea.

Gaga dear. Maybe a remake of They Shoot Horses, Don't They? could get you back in contention for next year.

She wants it so badly. It’s embarrassing to behold. She’s acting like this awestruck demure little girl, so gentle, so grateful, so phony. She’s none of those things. It’s ridiculous to make an idol of this statuette anymore. Gwynneth has one, Casey Affleck has one, Emma Stone has one for the most mediocre performance in a Hollywood musical since the invention of Hollywood musicals. Close has no dignity.

At least she's not a hypocritical bitch like M.

Welp.