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What are some old, forgotten social graces?

Ones which have been completely forgotten about.

by Anonymousreply 257Last Sunday at 4:18 AM

Men walking on the curbside of a sidewalk to prevent a lady from being hit with defenestrated human waste.

by Anonymousreply 102/13/2019

Using lard for fucki lube and not telling anyone about it for years.

by Anonymousreply 202/13/2019

Kissing a lady's hand.

by Anonymousreply 302/13/2019

Being graceful enough to not interrupt another person when they are talking.

by Anonymousreply 402/13/2019

Sunday go to meeting clothes.

by Anonymousreply 502/13/2019

Thank you notes.

by Anonymousreply 602/13/2019

Dressing in your Sunday best to travel (by air, train, etc)

by Anonymousreply 702/13/2019

OP is trolling DL.

by Anonymousreply 802/13/2019

^^ Oh, Geeez . . .

by Anonymousreply 902/13/2019

Not talking about money.

by Anonymousreply 1002/13/2019

[italic]Cartes de visite[/italic]

by Anonymousreply 1102/13/2019

Dinner time with the family.

Darn, and I saved the French toast form breakfast.

by Anonymousreply 1202/13/2019

Removing one's hat when indoors.

by Anonymousreply 1302/13/2019

Picking up a lady's handkerchief when she discreetly, yet strategically, drops it.

by Anonymousreply 1402/13/2019

Giving up your seat to older/infirm/disabled people.

by Anonymousreply 1502/13/2019

Sending flowers to your hostess the day having she had you to her home for a dinner party.

by Anonymousreply 1602/13/2019

RSVP-ing

by Anonymousreply 1702/13/2019

(For the ladies...)

Wearing a veil when you go driving (in an open car) so all of the dust doesn't dirty your face.

by Anonymousreply 1802/13/2019

(I kind of want Mrs. Pat Ramsey to say something like, "Discretely poisoning inconvenient people.")

by Anonymousreply 1902/13/2019

I have a problem with holding the door for a woman, or other such courtesies, when maybe she’s your boss and just cut your balls off in a meeting. Depending on the context, I’m okay with it, but it’s completely inappropriate in a world where woman may have power over you, if you’re a man. And where men date men. It’s just antiquated.

I had women bosses steadily from about 1990 until 2004.

by Anonymousreply 2002/13/2019

Getting a cum towel for your SO

by Anonymousreply 2102/13/2019

I hold the door open for men, or whoever else is behind me--even is it's a xyr.

by Anonymousreply 2202/13/2019

I love sending thank you notes. It takes minimal effort, and people are really thrilled to get them. And it makes them think well of you.

by Anonymousreply 2302/13/2019

I know you're on this thread.

Thank you note guy, did you ever hear from the Swedish daughter?

by Anonymousreply 2402/13/2019

The simple courtesy of being called ma’am and not (mistakenly) called sir.

by Anonymousreply 2502/13/2019

Apparently standing up and giving an elderly person or a pregnant woman a seat.

by Anonymousreply 2602/13/2019

Were Miss Tiffany to become a frequent poster, I think I might need smelling salts...

by Anonymousreply 2702/13/2019

Saying "You're welcome."

by Anonymousreply 2802/13/2019

Real engraved invitations, with the blotting papers included in the envelope which of course had a wax seal

by Anonymousreply 2902/13/2019

Calling people by Mr./Mrs./Miss/Ms. until it has been understood that that person is comfortable being on a first name basis with you

by Anonymousreply 3002/13/2019

Now that I think of it, what is the honorific of xyr and xir (and the rest)?

by Anonymousreply 3102/13/2019

It's jsjwbdv, wuxtsge, and of course, skdhdvrvrk.

by Anonymousreply 3202/13/2019

Avoiding the muffin top in yoga pants with ballet flats look.

by Anonymousreply 3302/13/2019

Saying Please and Thank You.

by Anonymousreply 3402/13/2019

Swallowing instead of spitting.

by Anonymousreply 3502/13/2019

[quote] The question, elsewhere, was [italic] “What was the cleverest thing I ever said, walking away: [/italic]

I was at a checkout counter. I was just under 30 years old, as;was the woman behind the cash register, I imagine. When it was my turn, I asked for something behind the counter, and called the clerk “Miss”. She got the item and responded with a sentence that ended with an exaggerated “Sir”, mocking me. I was being too formal, apparently.

I answered “Someday they’ll call you ‘Madam’, and you’ll be sorry.” The middle-aged woman behind me burst into laughter and said “He’s right!”

And then I walked away.

by Anonymousreply 3602/13/2019

R24 I'm the thank you note guy.

I don't get your question. Is that like part of a traveling salesman/farmer joke?

by Anonymousreply 3702/13/2019

No, there was a guy two or three weeks ago who gave a $20 gift card to a friend's daughter (Swedish family), and went on and on about not receiving a thank you card from her.

by Anonymousreply 3802/13/2019

R22 you truly are pathetic and need electroshock therapy.

by Anonymousreply 3902/13/2019

No, R22 isn't. I do the same thing. Holding a door for a person takes little effort. It's an act of kindness and manners. It's doesn't kill anyone.

by Anonymousreply 4002/13/2019

I was taught to stand up when a lady, or someone older, enters the room. May have been a southern thing.

by Anonymousreply 4102/13/2019

Letting someone exit a door before you enter. I hate people who stand in front of an elevator door all ready to charge in when it opens.

by Anonymousreply 4202/13/2019

R39) If I'm at the door first and somebody is directly behind me, I hold it open. What is the problem with that? I did it today for a guy carrying two big boxes. It's a small kindness and the way I was raised.

by Anonymousreply 4302/13/2019

R16 is Ina Garten

by Anonymousreply 4402/13/2019

Hitting muggers with your man bag or purse.

by Anonymousreply 4502/13/2019

R44 People still send flowers are small tokens for being invited to a dinner party.

by Anonymousreply 4602/13/2019

Not cursing in front of a female. AKA, "polite company."

Wearing "good clothes" to church or on other ceremonial occasions.

by Anonymousreply 4702/13/2019

Those of us with ravaged faces are lacking in the social graces.

by Anonymousreply 4802/13/2019

Trepanning.

by Anonymousreply 4902/13/2019

R28, when I get the No Problem response, I always ask: Is it usually a problem?

The confused looks makes it all worthwhile.

by Anonymousreply 5002/13/2019

I always hold doors open for people and usually let them go first. Ive come across a few instances where people (usually asians and women) knowing someone was behind them would only open the door just ever so slightly to allow themselves to just squeeze through and then let it shut in the second persons face. So annoying and rude.

by Anonymousreply 5102/13/2019

Oops!

R46 I meant to say "or" small tokens. . .

The grammar folks have no social graces so. . .

by Anonymousreply 5202/13/2019

I am usually guilty of saying “no worries” and “no problem” and I have to constantly remind myself to say “you’re welcome”. It annoys me that I forget because i know full well it’s wrong but it’s just so automatic because it’s such a common kiwi thing to say.

by Anonymousreply 5302/13/2019

Closing your mouth when you eat. Keep your mastication a private affair.

by Anonymousreply 5402/13/2019

Ew! Who are you dining with, or where are you eating? Perhaps, you need to change the scenery and people.

by Anonymousreply 5502/13/2019

A man lighting a woman’s cigarette for her.

by Anonymousreply 5602/13/2019

None of these are completely forgotten about.

OP is talking about things like leaving cards at a home when you call, or where to place your gloves at the beginning of a meal.

It's not about not saying thank you often enough or whatever.

by Anonymousreply 5702/13/2019

A woman handing over her front door key to a man so he can unlock the door. What was THAT about? I see it a lot in old movies. It's also in The Golden Girls.

by Anonymousreply 5802/13/2019

r57, when was the last time you had to dodge a bucket of shit thrown from a window?

How OLD ARE you?

by Anonymousreply 5902/13/2019

Ah, I see r11 and r18 get the point of the thread, but most don't.

It is curious that we apparently MUST have a "people are so rude and awful, not like when I was young" thread going at all times, in concert with a "women should set their hair and wear crinolines just like my dear mama" thread.

by Anonymousreply 6002/13/2019

Yes, r59, anyone who knows a little something about old forgotten customs must actually be as old as what they're talking about, because no one ever reads about history or learns about the past or anything.

You are very smart and I'm sure you were at the top of your class.

by Anonymousreply 6102/13/2019

Kissing a woman's hand when you are introduced. Nowadays this would get you locked up.

by Anonymousreply 6202/13/2019

Dabbing the corners of your mouth with a handkerchief after swallowing.

by Anonymousreply 6302/13/2019

Polishing your silver codpiece with a bit of whale blubber on a warm Saturday evening

by Anonymousreply 6402/13/2019

Never speak ill of the dead. Now people make a point to speak ill of the dead.

by Anonymousreply 6502/13/2019

R47) Your comment reminds me of a funeral I attended. The woman was a beloved coworker and many of her fellow staff were in attendance. It was a very warm day, yet we all managed to pay our respects by wearing proper attire. Her daughter, however, sat in the front pew wearing a pink camisole type t-shirt. It made her tacky back tattoos very visible.

by Anonymousreply 6602/13/2019

Sending a postcard from your travel destination to let those back home know that you had safely arrived - even if it was a 20 mile journey.

by Anonymousreply 6702/13/2019

Using the language of good manners and social awareness, simply out of a genuine consideration for those around you, (as opposed to showing off what a Good Boy Am I, and flaunting elitism).

by Anonymousreply 6802/13/2019

Wait, I did that about 15 years ago, and I wasn't old! LOL.

by Anonymousreply 6902/13/2019

Yes, for me it’s unthinkable not to wear all black to a funeral unless explicitly asked otherwise. It shocks me how many people wear their ordinary clothes.

Saying, “How do you do” when you meet someone new, rather than, “Nice to meet you.”

by Anonymousreply 7002/13/2019

Asking permission before you drop a load in a guy's ass

by Anonymousreply 7102/13/2019

Asking permission if you can take a shit in someone's house. I don't like surprises. Never have.

by Anonymousreply 7202/13/2019

Making a cake or pie and presenting it in person to welcome the new neighbors that just moved in.

by Anonymousreply 7302/13/2019

Standing up when someone enters a room. Men standing when a woman excuses herself from the table.

by Anonymousreply 7402/13/2019

When seated, women cross their legs at the ankles.

When seated, men sit with their thighs together.

by Anonymousreply 7502/13/2019

R60, I think there’s some implicit sarcasm here that says “even saying ‘thank-you’ is obsolete, today.”

by Anonymousreply 7602/13/2019

R75 there is a obesity epidemic.

by Anonymousreply 7702/13/2019

I think there is something different about opening a door and letting a woman, or someone, proceed through the threshold, without that person reaching out and touching the door themselves, and then walking through it behind them, than the way we usually hold doors today. Today, we usually hold the door widely ajar until the following person can reach for it and (minimally) hold it briefly as they finish passing through.

It’s usually pretty special for a person to hold a door, then step aside while someone else passes through, like Jacki O might. Also, business exterior doors used to primarily open “out”, making this easier. A thin entrance that opens “in”, as most do today, can be an awkward problem because there isn’t always room for a “holder” and a “walker” in the same space.

by Anonymousreply 7802/13/2019

Writing and mailing thank you notes for wedding gifts.

by Anonymousreply 7902/13/2019

I had a friend, a peer, who was a fine man who had a weird quirk. If he was following me through a door threshold, he would indeed walk through without reaching out for the door, leaving me standing there, holding the door for him like a fool. He wouldn’t reach for the door himself. The door was often on a spring. It was not egalitarian.

If he reached a door first, he wouldn’t hold it himself, for me. I remember asking him about it, and he had no rationale for it. So, at one point, I just started letting the door hit him in the face. I can still imagine it today. It was pretty funny, as it wasn’t once.

by Anonymousreply 8002/13/2019

Ladies always leaving something on their plate, especially when dining with a gentleman caller.

by Anonymousreply 8102/13/2019

Honey, if it's a picnic with paper plates Chrissy eats the plate too.

by Anonymousreply 8202/13/2019

My niece was in high school when my Dad, her grandfather, died. She attended the funeral dressed like a whore. I guess I will remember it until the day I die. If not for DataLounge, I’d have no one to bitch to about it.

My Mom died two years later, and she was reasonably, respectfully, dressed, then. It was such a change, I wonder if someone said something? I can’t ask, she’s such a sweet thing.

by Anonymousreply 8302/13/2019

Chewing with mouth closed

by Anonymousreply 8402/13/2019

Rapists providing their own condoms and lube

by Anonymousreply 8502/13/2019

R79) Thanks for your response, as I was curious. I had to relocate to a small town for work, and there are many retired people out here. Door holding became common, as did letting them go ahead of me if I had a lot of groceries and they had one or two items.

by Anonymousreply 8602/13/2019

Looking wait staff in the eye and saying "everything's fine, thank you" when asked how your meal is. Treating elders with respect. Chewing your food at a reasonable pace with mouth closed. Waiving with a smile when someone lets you pull in front of them on the road.

by Anonymousreply 8702/13/2019

Don’t show pictures of your dick to strangers before saying hello.

by Anonymousreply 8802/13/2019

Waiting for the first date before presenting.

by Anonymousreply 8902/13/2019

Surprised the responses are so curt.

I was certain the Maiden Aunt Brigade would have lengthy lists of forgotten social graces.

by Anonymousreply 9002/13/2019

Max @r3, surely you meant to be more precise: the lost social grace is knowing exactly HOW to "kiss" the lady's hand (always without actually touching your lips to said hand, evidemment!).

One bows down to kiss the hand of an older or higher-ranking lady at about waist height, while one may bring the hand of a young lady up to shoulder height.

And now get off my lawn!

by Anonymousreply 9102/13/2019

Knowing that an Ice Cream Fork is not a spork.

by Anonymousreply 9202/13/2019

Men showing their interest by making eye contact and then looking at junk.

by Anonymousreply 9302/13/2019

There used to be a "rule" that a man should enter the elevator first, in case it fell or suffered a malfunction. I sometimes do that, but I think most people today would interpret it as rudeness. I do always try to stand near the control panel (unless someone has already done so) so I can hold the "door open" button, and I always hold the door open until everyone has exited and the first person from the new group has entered. (Assuming we're in a place where everyone gets off together.)

by Anonymousreply 9402/13/2019

[quote]Dabbing the corners of your mouth with a handkerchief after swallowing.

Wouldn't it be more convenient to do your dabbing with the cum rag rather than dirtying up a napkin?

by Anonymousreply 9502/13/2019

Being generous enough to share a doobie while having a glass of wine during a play date. Those were the good old days.

by Anonymousreply 9602/14/2019

Saying oops after passing your gas.

by Anonymousreply 9702/14/2019

[quote] There used to be a "rule" that a man should enter the elevator first, in case it fell or suffered a malfunction.

I learn something new here every day.

Thanks

by Anonymousreply 9802/14/2019

Also, a man should enter a revolving door first to push it, allowing a lady to enter behind.

by Anonymousreply 9902/14/2019

A man entering a taxi before a lady, so she doesn’t reveal her panties sliding across the seat

by Anonymousreply 10002/14/2019

R20: I agree - woman bosses do tend to overcompensate for being a woman. I can count on one hand the number of cool female bosses I've had in my long career.

by Anonymousreply 10102/14/2019

If you're in a group, introduce the people who don't know each other. I don't know if it's an "old, forgotten social grace." It's something that I always do because it makes sense. However, I notice that hardly anybody does it.

by Anonymousreply 10202/14/2019

Clean underwear

by Anonymousreply 10302/14/2019

Walking petunias. I can't remember the last time I took a stroll with some walking petunias.

Oh sure, every once in a while I buy some gladiolas for a special stroll with a gentleman caller. But gladiolas make me think of John McCain and then I get sad.

Oh, to be a young thing around town with a fresh bouquet of walking petunias!

by Anonymousreply 10402/14/2019

R102 OMG. The fact that something so simple and basic can be considered a forgotten 'social grace' shows a lot! I've been in countless situations where introductions were spared. This seems pretty common, names seem to come up later now if you strike a chord with someone. Unfortunate.

by Anonymousreply 10502/14/2019

Another cheer for R102.

How are there adults walking around that don't know this?

by Anonymousreply 10602/14/2019

R6 I’m with you R6, I like sending flowers to my hostess before an event such an a dinner party, but I’ve been told that’s considered kinda common, and that the classy thing is to send flowers the next day with a note thank the hostess for a lovely evening

by Anonymousreply 10702/14/2019

Pre-lubing.

by Anonymousreply 10802/14/2019

Keep your FEET off the FUCKING FURNITURE!

by Anonymousreply 10902/14/2019

[quote]A man entering a taxi before a lady, so she doesn’t reveal her panties sliding across the seat

But what if she's not wearing panties?

by Anonymousreply 11002/14/2019

Eating soup in the proper manner:

“As little ships go out to sea, I hold my spoon away from me.”

by Anonymousreply 11102/14/2019

Sending flowers when one is unable to accept an invitation.

by Anonymousreply 11202/14/2019

Tolerating differences in opinion.

Trying to assume the best of your fellow humans unless you're given a very good reason not to.

by Anonymousreply 11302/14/2019

Never discussing religion or politics.

by Anonymousreply 11402/14/2019

Growing up I was taught that when walking along the pavement/sidewalk, gentlemen always walked on the street side.

I discovered later that that’s a throwback to the days when travel was by horse. It protected the ladies and children from the splashing poo.

by Anonymousreply 11502/14/2019

Wearing one's hood when conducting business in public.

by Anonymousreply 11602/14/2019

Do you guys know what flowers cost these days? A small FTD bouquet, plus all their fees on top of fees, easily becomes $70 to $100. For the cheap flowers. I can’t imagine who is sending the expensive bouquets.

by Anonymousreply 11702/14/2019

R1 and R115 - when I was a little kid visiting my grandmother in the city she positioned me on the other side of her, away from the street — “So if a car jumps the curb it will hit me not you.” She was nuts, but a lot of fun, my grandma.

by Anonymousreply 11802/14/2019

truth is, if you try to use good manners and social grace today you'll come across as "unfriendly" and cold to so many people. General attitude nowadays is treating anyone, anywhere, and under any circumstance with no respect whatsoever.

by Anonymousreply 11902/14/2019

R111--this!

My parents sent me to an etiquette course (this was in the 80s), and we spent two or three classes on properly using silverware/flatware.

I'm not joking.

by Anonymousreply 12002/14/2019

R119, see R36!

by Anonymousreply 12102/14/2019

I remember in the late 90's I believe is when certain stores like Macys starting having their salespeople call customers by their FIRST names (as seen on their credit cards or checks). My mother was so disgusted about this, partially because she has a not-so-common name but it really isn't that hard to pronounce. She said not one salesperson could pronounce her name right, which only illuminated the fact that calling someone that you don't know by their first name is not only rude and presumptuous but often makes the person look foolish if they don't even know how to pronounce the name correctly. She felt that it was just poor manners to do this and couldn't figure out why these stores would want to potentially insult and disrespect customers this way. I tend to agree with her.

by Anonymousreply 12202/14/2019

I always write thank you notes. People really appreciate them.

by Anonymousreply 12302/14/2019

[quote]Dabbing the corners of your mouth with a handkerchief after swallowing.

And then buttoning the gentleman's trousers for him, before you get up off your knees.

by Anonymousreply 12402/14/2019

R63 and R124 - Francine Fishpaw had the “dabbing” technique down, even in the most awkward social situations:

by Anonymousreply 12502/14/2019

R118, I love your grandma.

by Anonymousreply 12602/14/2019

Thanks R115. She was a pip!

-r118

by Anonymousreply 12702/14/2019

Food should be consumed, not devoured.

by Anonymousreply 12802/14/2019

Now the credit card phone rep call you mr or miss (first name).

by Anonymousreply 12902/14/2019

Take your damned hat off in a restaurant and please note, a ball cap is absolutely never acceptable in a proper establishment.

by Anonymousreply 13002/14/2019

Restaurants? That's bad enough. I saw people with hats on in cathedrals, courthouses, museums, and other formal places. It's a disgrace. It should be something your mother tells you to do when you're eight years old. Ballcaps are particularly offensive because they're sportswear.

by Anonymousreply 13102/14/2019

"... a man should enter a revolving door first allowing a lady to enter behind."

Especially if she's wearing a strap on!

by Anonymousreply 13202/14/2019

"John Waters fans will remember “Serial Mom,” in which an excessively genteel matron murders a series of etiquette rule breakers, including Patricia Hearst’s character (for wearing white shoes after Labor Day). Ah, the good old days."

by Anonymousreply 13302/14/2019

A gentleman enters a carriage after a lady, but exits the carriage before her. This is all so that he's positioned to catch her in case she trips/gets the vapors.

Young people mock me when I introduce them to each other in groups. They have no idea how to handle it.

You know you're old when the first thing you look for when you get to a party is a comfortable chair. It's also when you notice that young people no longer offer their seat to elders.

by Anonymousreply 13402/14/2019

"Restaurants? That's bad enough. I saw people with hats on in cathedrals, courthouses, museums, and other formal places."

I thought the antique rule was that a lady should cover her head in church?

Not with a baseball cap, of course. But really, that's why southern ladies wear enormous hats to church of a Sunday, and back in the day I was told that any woman who went to Italy ought to carry a scarf or something in her purse, because it was considered disrespectful for a woman to enter a church with her head uncovered. Not that anyone followed that rule when I actually got there.

by Anonymousreply 13502/14/2019

[quote] I thought the antique rule was that a lady should cover her head in church?

In the Catholic Church, this ended about 1965 with the changes from Vatican II. If you travel to some Catholic countries, they may be more conservative. In particular, men, including tourists, should not wear shorts and no jeans. Women should be dressed similarly modestly.

by Anonymousreply 13602/14/2019

HANDWRITTEN Thank-you Notes!

by Anonymousreply 13702/14/2019

Handwriting.

by Anonymousreply 13802/14/2019

Dueling. With sabers. And dueling scars.

Also, clicking you heals upon introduction.

by Anonymousreply 13902/14/2019

Dueling scars was a German thing. (I mean, the need to have one so they would scar themselves on purpose, and then fill the wound with all sort of irritating things, to make sure it left a huge ass scar.)

by Anonymousreply 14002/14/2019

When those German idiots dueled with swords as a matter of honor and because it was cool... they wore tough metal goggles and nose guards.

Because while a big scar might have been considered cool, losing an eye or having your nose sliced off was not!

by Anonymousreply 14102/14/2019

Look at that bastard.

(Thanks for posting, R141.)

by Anonymousreply 14202/14/2019

Wasn't he a huge fucking idiot, R142?

by Anonymousreply 14302/14/2019

When at a wedding, converse with other people at your table.

by Anonymousreply 14402/14/2019

Carry on an actual TWO-WAY conversation rather than bloviating about yourself the entire time.

by Anonymousreply 14502/14/2019

The man would get out of the car first and walk around to the other side and open the door for the woman passenger. This was a common social grace until about 1970.

by Anonymousreply 14602/14/2019

I recently worked closely with a guy who refused to interact with me, even to the point of not even acknowledging pleasantries. So imagine my shock when I just learned that this guy is an aspiring comedian. I guess he truly leaves it all out on stage.

by Anonymousreply 14702/14/2019

Kissing the corpse at open casket wakes.

Respectful.

by Anonymousreply 14802/14/2019

kissing the corpse? omg - that one needed to go!

by Anonymousreply 14902/14/2019

They also used to routinely photograph the corpse in the open casket - that hung on until the 1960s.

by Anonymousreply 15002/14/2019

Compare and contrast today’s tattoo fad with German scaring. Begin.

by Anonymousreply 15102/14/2019

[quote] R148: Kissing the corpse at open casket wakes.

Hi, would you please go in to detail? Was this really a thing?

My Mom was forced to kiss her dead Father at about age 4. She was traumatized and although she attended Mass most days, she almost never went to funerals. She would, just for family. Basically only those where her absence would have been particularly noted. (She had a high “shame quotient”).

[Italic] Danke Dir [/italic]

by Anonymousreply 15202/14/2019

R150 they did not until the 1960s. Maybe 1860s.

by Anonymousreply 15302/14/2019

In the bygone era it was almost expected to lose a few of your offspring before they reached adulthood. Those with good manners didn't bring it up or used it to stain your escutcheon.

by Anonymousreply 15402/14/2019

Holding one nose and forcefully announcing "here it comes" before passing wind to give those around you to remove themselves from the blast area.

by Anonymousreply 15502/14/2019

Turning your bright headlights (high beams) down to regular beams when another car approaches you going the opposite direction.

by Anonymousreply 15602/14/2019

Flashing your brights to alert approaching traffic that a speed trap awaits them. Do people still do that?

by Anonymousreply 15702/14/2019

MEN should always take off their hat as they enter a building. This is especially true of churches and public buildings like courthouses.

Women can wear hats, veils, scarves, etc. indoors and especially in places of worship where it's a sign of modesty.

by Anonymousreply 15802/14/2019

r152, it was an expected thing when wakes were held in the home and Granny, or whomever, was laid out on the front room sofa.

The Kiss Goodbye held over to the move to funeral homes.

It was interesting to see that most people would give a forehead or cheek kiss but it was freaky to watch someone kiss a corpse on the lips.

I have seen the corpse kiss replaced in Christian wakes with a cross placed inside the casket and people kiss that.

by Anonymousreply 15902/14/2019

Manners! Also hats and gloves when dressed up

by Anonymousreply 16002/14/2019

[italic]Service à la Russe[/italic]

Handwriting sympathy notes and thank-you notes for flowers and gifts given in memoriam on black-bordered writing paper or plain, black-bordered blank cards (no pre-printed sympathy cards or thank-you cards), in black ink only.

Introducing younger to older, men to women and less distinguished to more distinguished. Introducing people by their full name, not just the given name.

[italic] "Mom, this is my boyfriend, Henry Fortune-Hunter. Henry, this is my mother, Mrs. Cornelius Toplofty."* [/italic]

*Introducing, announcing and addressing married women as "Mrs [husband's name]".

Almost the entire contents of my copy of Emily Post's [italic]Etiquette[/italic], 1937 edition.

by Anonymousreply 16102/14/2019

Warning your trick you're uncircumcised before you start undressing.

by Anonymousreply 16202/15/2019

[quote] Women can wear hats, veils, scarves, etc. indoors

But never in their own home. If they are a guest in someone's home, yes, but never in their own home!!

by Anonymousreply 16302/15/2019

Wow, this thread is bringing back memories, both of my own embarrassing faux pas but of all the annoying transgressions by others.

I had some friends over to watch a show on TV and their feet were all over my new furniture, both bare and shod. It's just something I don't do at other people's houses and never with shoes on at home.

Also one guest was eating popcorn from a bag she brought and managing to spew popcorn bits all over the place. I was appalled. I got bowls for all the popcorn eaters. I never invited any of them back.

by Anonymousreply 16402/15/2019

People have forgotten that when crossing the street, a lady should raise her dress with the right hand a little about the ankle. To raise the dress with both hands is vulgar and can only be excused when mud is very deep.

by Anonymousreply 16502/15/2019

Good riddance to this behavior: Females used to feel compelled to compliment men on their physical prowess, mental acumen, and good looks, no matter how oafish the man. The worst mistake a young woman could make was to make a man feel intellectually inferior or inadequate as a male.

Nowadays, pointing out the flaws of others is de rigueur.

by Anonymousreply 16602/15/2019

In a carriage ride, a gentleman never sat next to a lady who was not a relative; he always sat with his back to the horses, allowing the opposite seat to the lady. A gentleman also had to take care not to step on a lady's dress, and he was to alight first to help a lady down.

by Anonymousreply 16702/15/2019

Dance cards at balls.

by Anonymousreply 16802/15/2019

Christmas cards to absolutely everyone, even very distant relations you never see or communicate with otherwise.

My mother used to get cards from second cousins she’d never met. Then they died and that ended.

by Anonymousreply 16902/15/2019

I love you, R33.

So many viewers miss that Serial Mom is at its core about the ludicrousness and hypocrisy of polite society. Americans are more “offended” by gum chewing and foul language than murder!

by Anonymousreply 17002/15/2019

Returning invitations; like should be returned for like.

If you went to a dinner party at someone's home, you must invite them to dinner at your home if you want to continue the relationship. If you are a bachelor, you may substitute an invitation to dinner (at your expense) in a restaurant or at your club. If you went to a cocktail party at someone's home, you must invite them to some sort of social event at your home or that you are sponsoring; cocktail parties being less formal than dinner, pretty much any social event will do.

Failure to observe this rule is rude and an unmistakable indication of your intention not to continue the acquaintance, unless an exception applies.

Exceptions to the rule: Invitations to weddings and wedding* receptions; invitations to private functions related to a funeral*; circumstances that prevent your returning the invitation, such as a death in the family or a lengthy, unplanned time away; not technically but in practice, invitations to be an "extra man" at a party. Bachelors get away with murder in this regard. There were others, I'm sure, but that's all I remember off the top of my head.

It sounds complicated, but really it's easy and makes sense: If someone goes to the trouble to entertain you, you should entertain them back in a reasonably comparable way, within your means and ability. It was very civilized.

Captain Obvious says: The rule only applies if you accept the invitation. If you turn it down, you have no obligation.

*Wedding and funeral ceremonies held in a church are religious services and therefore public. They do not technically require an invitation and attendance incurs no social obligation on anyone's part. In reality, it will be difficult to get into the church without an invitation for a wedding. Anyone can show up for funeral (except for a very prominent person) ... and often does!

by Anonymousreply 17102/15/2019

R170, we don't need to be offended by murder. It's illegal, so there are laws to prevent it and punish those who commit it.

On other hand, the "ludicrousness and hypocrisy of polite society" is designed to prevent and punish non-criminal but offensive, annoying, inconsiderate, disruptive, selfish, unpleasant and intrusive behavior with social opprobrium. While the old ways might seem restrictive to modern people who prefer to do whatever they want and bellow their feelings to anyone who will listen, in fact, they provided guidelines that everyone was expected to follow and that kept some degree of order and calm. They were like the lane markers on a road; ignoring them has produced the social equivalent of a bumper-car game.

by Anonymousreply 17202/15/2019

Very true, r172. I'm quite younger than you so maybe I should not be commenting, but it seems like a free for all out there. This thread has highlighted the fact that people struggle with even the most basic introductions and goodbyes.

Social anxiety wasn't really a thing back when people were taught to behave either...

by Anonymousreply 17302/15/2019

Under names and titles in the 14th edition of Emily Post it says that it is permissable to call aunts or uncles by their first names, especially if they are younger than the parents but that formal titles like "aunt" and "uncle" are generally saved for elders.

Grandparents are always called as such with the possible exception of a young step grandmother (so if daddy hooks up with a young chick).

by Anonymousreply 17402/15/2019

That is the positive side of etiquette rules, R172. There was also a downside, in that many of the old rules were used to maintain class distinctions or sex-based double standards.

Sadly, the sort of people who dislike the rules of etiquette do not understand that there was a very positive side to the whole shebang, one that was intended to make the world a kinder place, and to give everyone a guide to ways of making others feel welcome and accepted.

by Anonymousreply 17502/15/2019

Emily Post should make an up-to-date edition that talks about the Trans community. Older editions make no mention of them and thus are out of date.

by Anonymousreply 17602/15/2019

R162- Your TRICK? This isn't 1977.

by Anonymousreply 17702/15/2019

Not licking your fingers at a restaurant, but definitely after I cum in his hand.

by Anonymousreply 17802/15/2019

Waiting for people to exit the elevator before charging on.

Someone upthread mentioned holding the door for those directly behind you. It seems to me that you should hold it momentarily until the person behind you takes over, but too often you're stuck holding the door while everyone streams past you.

Giving up your seat for the elderly or disabled or (I'm sure this will be popular) someone carrying a baby or small child.

by Anonymousreply 17902/15/2019

r114 I always thought that the religion and politics rule was such a middle class/bourgeois created by the wealthy who didn't want to discuss such matters with the new money groups. On Titanic, yes I know it's a movie, the guys retreat to talk nothing but business and politics. Not sure about religion but I can imagine it would have come up. I think etiquette dictates that you need to know the time and place for such discussions. Lounging with other men, or woman, sipping brandy in a cigar lounge sounds like a wonderful place to talk about those topics.

I'm young and not wealthy so, take my ramblings with half a grain of salt.

by Anonymousreply 18002/15/2019

r135 I'm glad that the hat rule is gone. I have lots of hats and pick one out to enhance my outfit. Woman have been doing this for ever, yet they didn't have to remove their hats. I won't wear one to court, in church or at work, but everywhere else is free game. Restaurants are a grey area.

by Anonymousreply 18102/15/2019

Hats were a thing when people didn't wash their hair very often. It cut down on the smell and hid the unkempt, dirty appearance of unwashed hair. When daily hair-washing became common practice, hats went out of favor.

by Anonymousreply 18202/15/2019

Letting a person behind you in line with an item or two go ahead.

by Anonymousreply 18302/15/2019

Yeah, when I think of the hippy era, daily shampooing and cleanliness immediately spring to mind.

by Anonymousreply 18402/15/2019

Not everybody was a hippie you dumb cunt.

by Anonymousreply 18502/15/2019

R183, most supermarkets or Target/Walmart type stores have a lane for 12 items or less, now. I’ve seen 10 item or even 6 item limits. Your example seems to have gone the way of hoop skirts and horse buggies.

by Anonymousreply 18602/15/2019

Cleaning up a persons whole house after receiving and attending dinner invitation.

by Anonymousreply 18702/15/2019

Afternoon cotton field concerts.

It was a Southern thing.

by Anonymousreply 18802/15/2019

[quote]Flashing your brights to alert approaching traffic that a speed trap awaits them. Do people still do that?

This happened to me a month ago. And sure enough, around a long curve, there was a cop laying in wait.

by Anonymousreply 18902/15/2019

Killing flies during a dinner meal. It’s important for the maid to kill insects during dinner, it shows respect.

by Anonymousreply 19002/15/2019

[quote] to make sure it left a huge ass scar.

How would anyone see it, except in those most intimate moments?

by Anonymousreply 19102/15/2019

No need to lecture me -- I'm a proud graduate of the Wendy Ward Charm School.

by Anonymousreply 19202/15/2019

Women are made to be in skirts and only speak when told.

by Anonymousreply 19302/15/2019

R192, I am a graduate of the Chicago Patricia Vance School!

by Anonymousreply 19402/15/2019

"Hats were a thing when people didn't wash their hair very often"

Actually, hats were a thing before sunglasses became popular, and before the invention of sunblock. Hats kept the sun from frying your skin or blind your sight, they kept the rain off your face as well, and yeah, they covered filthy greasy hair. Okay, there were a lot of stupid old rules about hats because it was considered immodest for a woman to run around with her hair uncovered in certain times and places, even now, but hats were also extremely practical.

Nowadays, nobody wears hats all the time except cowboys and birdwatchers.

by Anonymousreply 19502/15/2019

Excuse me! I beg to differ.

by Anonymousreply 19602/15/2019

As do I, old thing.

by Anonymousreply 19702/15/2019

Disagreeing with someone without calling them a cunt--or some other slur.

by Anonymousreply 19802/15/2019

R198 hey cunt, I disagree.

by Anonymousreply 19902/15/2019

Had a good laugh at R1 and R18.

by Anonymousreply 20002/15/2019

Thanks, R200.

by Anonymousreply 20102/15/2019

[quote]Waiving with a smile when someone lets you pull in front of them on the road.

Everyone remember this one, please! Just wave, that's good. Heck, I even let my bitchfest go, when some driver did a bonehead move, if they will hold up their "my bad" hands. Something to acknowledge the shit that went down.

However, I will be equally pissed off if that didn't happen and if someone didn't send a wave of thanks to me.

by Anonymousreply 20202/15/2019

[quote] There used to be a "rule" that a man should enter the elevator first, in case it fell or suffered a malfunction.

And you precede a lady when walking up the stairs, so you don't look up her skirt.

by Anonymousreply 20302/15/2019

Was at a funeral at a big cathedral recently for an acquaintance. Except for the ushers, I was the only one wearing a suit. Or even a suit jacket, for that matter. Most people looked like they were going to the movies or a ballgame, with sports jerseys, caps and gym shoes. Even some of the older people, which surprised me. Women in pants and jeans. It had been a while since I'd been to a funeral, but I guess that's the way things are now with the masses.

by Anonymousreply 20402/15/2019

Announcing that you are about to fart instead of just letting it rip out of your asshole like they do today.

by Anonymousreply 20502/15/2019

Wasn't funny the first five times somebody said it, either, r205.

by Anonymousreply 20602/15/2019

listen to me you piece of shit. reality is reality.

by Anonymousreply 20702/15/2019

R20 is a real prick.

by Anonymousreply 20802/15/2019

r20 appears to have many psychological problems.

by Anonymousreply 20902/15/2019

I have not been go a funereal in about 17 years...at that time they seemed to be dressed in Sunday best. I have some black friends who go to funerals all the time, I will ask how they dress.

by Anonymousreply 21002/15/2019

Executing people guilty of treason, not electing them to public office.

by Anonymousreply 21102/15/2019

It's not just saying the words, it's saying them as if you have a clue what they're meant to convey, and you actually mean it. No point reciting "excuse me" like a polite little boy, as you approach a stranger on the street, if you're going to say it in a tone that says "Oi cunt, givvus a fucken smoke ya fucken rich prick".

by Anonymousreply 21202/15/2019

Bathrobes after a shower / bath.

by Anonymousreply 21302/15/2019

Neighborhood welcome wagon.

by Anonymousreply 21402/15/2019

Not talking with your mouth full.

by Anonymousreply 21502/15/2019

Being on time.

by Anonymousreply 21602/15/2019

Quivering pussy

by Anonymousreply 21702/16/2019

Kindness.

Decency.

Tact.

Humility.

Thoughtfulness.

by Anonymousreply 21802/16/2019

Addressing a young boy as Master in written correspondence.

by Anonymousreply 21902/16/2019

I always address my hot fuck as "master" or "sir". Otherwise he beats the shit out of me!

by Anonymousreply 22002/16/2019

Referring to married women by their husband's names, as in Mrs. Herbert Clutterbunk.

by Anonymousreply 22102/16/2019

I thought it was the exact opposite, R203. Here's what it says on Quora:

"The traditional etiquette rule is that the man should be on the lower stair, so ahead of the women when coming down and behind her when going up. The logic being that if she trips or falls, the man, generally being larger and stronger, will be in a position to catch her, whereas if he is above her and falls, he'll fall onto her and both will likely tumble down.

Because the man is close behind, this doesn't really lend him a view of the woman's behind per say, but he does serve as a shield for anyone at the base of the stairs who might be trying to catch a glimpse."

by Anonymousreply 22202/16/2019

We would visit my mother’s side of the family six times a year when I was a little kid. There would be an announcement printed in the local paper the Wednesday before our visits. It would give the time on Saturday that we would be receiving guests, along with any special family news.

My grandmother was a real Hyacinth Bucket.

by Anonymousreply 22302/16/2019

Referring to divorced women by a combination of their maiden and married names. Mrs. Smith Goldstein.

by Anonymousreply 22402/16/2019

I remember this practice, r223. Local newspapers had a social column that announced things like this.

by Anonymousreply 22502/16/2019

Playing with yourself at night underneath the covers.

by Anonymousreply 22602/16/2019

R225 and R223, I think this must perforce have been a small-town practice. Imagine announcements of visitors to New York or Washington! Anyone worthy of printer's ink in such large cities, already fully of prominent people, would not have been at home to the public anyway.

I don't remember anything like this because I grew up in Washington, but it's sounds like a very nice custom in a small city.

by Anonymousreply 22702/16/2019

R222 is correct. A man follows a woman up the stairs and precedes her down the stairs to catch her in case she trips. This applies to standard-width staircases only. If the stairs are wide enough, the man accompanies the woman, either arm in arm or offering his arm to her, for the same reason.

... but I think R203 was joking.

by Anonymousreply 22802/16/2019

[quote]Addressing a young boy as Master in written correspondence.

Yeah, I'm kinda glad that one's fallen by the wayside.

by Anonymousreply 22902/16/2019

Master can I worship your feet with my hot mouth?

by Anonymousreply 23002/16/2019

saying "pardon me", after you rip a mean fart during dinner

by Anonymousreply 23102/16/2019

The husband and/or wife turning on their boudoir lamp, sliding their feet into their slippers, and donning and tightly belting their house robes BEFORE exiting their bedrooms, even if the house is on fire, their children are screaming for them, or it sounds like the house is being burglarized.

by Anonymousreply 23202/16/2019

Not using the words "fart" or "crap" or anything similar in polite society and refraining from making crass jokes about them.

by Anonymousreply 23302/16/2019

[quote]Not using the words "fart" or "crap" or anything similar in polite society and refraining from making crass jokes about them.

But farting makes me giddy.

by Anonymousreply 23402/16/2019

[quote] Executing people guilty of treason, not electing them to public office.

Stocks in the public square would be a good alternative for those of us firmly against capital punishment. In any case, treason needs a long drawn out and very public punishment, maybe with a cam broadcast on a reality show like Apprentice or Kim.

by Anonymousreply 23502/18/2019

My mother was a fine girdled-up, hose-wearing, coiffed and lacquered, pearl-bedecked proper matron, as were her friends. One in particular was a sweet, kind, heavily girdled woman with tightly curled hair who my mother picked up for some reason or another to go somewhere.

My 12 year old doofus self was in the backseat as Mrs. Fuddy deftly squeezed herself into the to passenger side, releasing a dainty fart while doing so. She murmured a tiny gasp but nothing else was said. I observed this in great wonderment while engaging in tremendous self control to keep myself from snorting and guffawing.

Mother was never heard to fart in public and very rarely at home. But from time to time when the house was quiet and I was busy in my room, she would rip off a great loud long one, to my eternal delight.

by Anonymousreply 23602/18/2019

Poot is gross. Peet is more ladylike.

by Anonymousreply 23702/18/2019

I had a distant ancestor who was socially prominent in the Boston area. Every tea or party they attended was described in the society page. Every child who was home visiting from school. Every single female child’s social schedule was in the paper. This was the late 1800s. Similar to as reported by R223.

Another family line was in the Brooklyn, NY blue book and were also reported upon.

It makes it hard finding good genealogy info about my family because I have to sort through a lot of articles about social lunches, in this era.

by Anonymousreply 23802/18/2019

Women of that era never sweated or perspired ... they GLOWED.

by Anonymousreply 23902/18/2019

My family was often featured in the Police Blotter section of the paper. Mother would get so upset. "We see your family is in the news again," the heartless old biddies would say.

by Anonymousreply 24002/18/2019

Swinging on the outhouse door.

by Anonymousreply 24102/18/2019

Not scaring the horses.

by Anonymousreply 24202/18/2019

"...ones that have been completely forgotten."

If we take that directive literally we aren't left with anything to discuss, now are we?

by Anonymousreply 24302/18/2019

asking politely the manfriend you are fucking the preference of having the seed in his arse, back. chest or face.

by Anonymousreply 24402/19/2019

Leaving not only the cash as agreed upon on the bureau on the way out, but adding a gratuity.

by Anonymousreply 24502/19/2019

Passing wind(CLANDESTINELY)

by Anonymousreply 24602/19/2019

Along the lines of people dressing for church - I went to a Friday night wedding at a Catholic Church. It included a Mass, which was apparently open to the public. The wedding was held in Spring Lake, NJ so it was close to the shore. People came to Mass in cutoff shorts, flip flops, and t-shirts. There were even a few bikini tops and tube tops! I'm not Catholic nor do I attend church but I think that was in really poor taste. Especially given that there was a wedding going on!

by Anonymousreply 24703/13/2019

Making sure at high society socials, you get the product name right.

by Anonymousreply 24803/13/2019

Sales staff saying "Thank you" or "Bye" or "Have a nice day" at the end of a transaction. Now millennials say "Have a good one." I find this seriously irritating.

by Anonymousreply 24903/13/2019

Not saying sorry when you accidentally fart.

by Anonymousreply 25003/13/2019

Saying oops when you pass gas.

by Anonymousreply 25103/13/2019

Not holding your partner's head under the covers when you fart in bed. Dutch ovens are very big these days.

by Anonymousreply 25203/14/2019

Removing the disco lights before the police arrive.

by Anonymousreply 25303/14/2019

R50 I love you. I love twisting these “no problem” idiots into bewilderment.

Thank you for holding the door.

Uhh, no problem.

Oh, is it usually a problem?

Drop mic.

Like saying “no problem” is an accomplishment, that deserves a reward.

by Anonymousreply 254Last Saturday at 8:34 AM

Of course, you could always just throw a non sequitur back at the "no problem" people:

"No problem."

"Thank you for your service."

Or:

"No problem."

"Well, then!"

by Anonymousreply 255Last Saturday at 9:07 AM

Not creating conflict over a well-meant acknowledgment

by Anonymousreply 256Last Saturday at 1:05 PM

Going to Catholic church when I was a kid, we had to dress up a little ("Sunday best"). Girls and women had to have a veil over their heads. If they didn't have one they had to improvise, even if it was just a paper napkin. The little old Mexican ladies who sat in the front rows always had long black veils which seemed to cover them up and almost reached the floor. I thought they were saints. As time went on going to church became much more informal. Now it seems as if anything goes.

by Anonymousreply 257Last Sunday at 4:18 AM
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