Ones which have been completely forgotten about.
What are some old, forgotten social graces?
|by Anonymous||reply 257||03/17/2019|
Men walking on the curbside of a sidewalk to prevent a lady from being hit with defenestrated human waste.
|by Anonymous||reply 1||02/13/2019|
Using lard for fucki lube and not telling anyone about it for years.
|by Anonymous||reply 2||02/13/2019|
Kissing a lady's hand.
|by Anonymous||reply 3||02/13/2019|
Being graceful enough to not interrupt another person when they are talking.
|by Anonymous||reply 4||02/13/2019|
Sunday go to meeting clothes.
|by Anonymous||reply 5||02/13/2019|
Thank you notes.
|by Anonymous||reply 6||02/13/2019|
Dressing in your Sunday best to travel (by air, train, etc)
|by Anonymous||reply 7||02/13/2019|
OP is trolling DL.
|by Anonymous||reply 8||02/13/2019|
^^ Oh, Geeez . . .
|by Anonymous||reply 9||02/13/2019|
Not talking about money.
|by Anonymous||reply 10||02/13/2019|
[italic]Cartes de visite[/italic]
|by Anonymous||reply 11||02/13/2019|
Dinner time with the family.
Darn, and I saved the French toast form breakfast.
|by Anonymous||reply 12||02/13/2019|
Removing one's hat when indoors.
|by Anonymous||reply 13||02/13/2019|
Picking up a lady's handkerchief when she discreetly, yet strategically, drops it.
|by Anonymous||reply 14||02/13/2019|
Giving up your seat to older/infirm/disabled people.
|by Anonymous||reply 15||02/13/2019|
Sending flowers to your hostess the day having she had you to her home for a dinner party.
|by Anonymous||reply 16||02/13/2019|
|by Anonymous||reply 17||02/13/2019|
(For the ladies...)
Wearing a veil when you go driving (in an open car) so all of the dust doesn't dirty your face.
|by Anonymous||reply 18||02/13/2019|
(I kind of want Mrs. Pat Ramsey to say something like, "Discretely poisoning inconvenient people.")
|by Anonymous||reply 19||02/13/2019|
I have a problem with holding the door for a woman, or other such courtesies, when maybe she’s your boss and just cut your balls off in a meeting. Depending on the context, I’m okay with it, but it’s completely inappropriate in a world where woman may have power over you, if you’re a man. And where men date men. It’s just antiquated.
I had women bosses steadily from about 1990 until 2004.
|by Anonymous||reply 20||02/13/2019|
Getting a cum towel for your SO
|by Anonymous||reply 21||02/13/2019|
I hold the door open for men, or whoever else is behind me--even is it's a xyr.
|by Anonymous||reply 22||02/13/2019|
I love sending thank you notes. It takes minimal effort, and people are really thrilled to get them. And it makes them think well of you.
|by Anonymous||reply 23||02/13/2019|
I know you're on this thread.
Thank you note guy, did you ever hear from the Swedish daughter?
|by Anonymous||reply 24||02/13/2019|
The simple courtesy of being called ma’am and not (mistakenly) called sir.
|by Anonymous||reply 25||02/13/2019|
Apparently standing up and giving an elderly person or a pregnant woman a seat.
|by Anonymous||reply 26||02/13/2019|
Were Miss Tiffany to become a frequent poster, I think I might need smelling salts...
|by Anonymous||reply 27||02/13/2019|
Saying "You're welcome."
|by Anonymous||reply 28||02/13/2019|
Real engraved invitations, with the blotting papers included in the envelope which of course had a wax seal
|by Anonymous||reply 29||02/13/2019|
Calling people by Mr./Mrs./Miss/Ms. until it has been understood that that person is comfortable being on a first name basis with you
|by Anonymous||reply 30||02/13/2019|
Now that I think of it, what is the honorific of xyr and xir (and the rest)?
|by Anonymous||reply 31||02/13/2019|
It's jsjwbdv, wuxtsge, and of course, skdhdvrvrk.
|by Anonymous||reply 32||02/13/2019|
Avoiding the muffin top in yoga pants with ballet flats look.
|by Anonymous||reply 33||02/13/2019|
Saying Please and Thank You.
|by Anonymous||reply 34||02/13/2019|
Swallowing instead of spitting.
|by Anonymous||reply 35||02/13/2019|
[quote] The question, elsewhere, was [italic] “What was the cleverest thing I ever said, walking away: [/italic]
I was at a checkout counter. I was just under 30 years old, as;was the woman behind the cash register, I imagine. When it was my turn, I asked for something behind the counter, and called the clerk “Miss”. She got the item and responded with a sentence that ended with an exaggerated “Sir”, mocking me. I was being too formal, apparently.
I answered “Someday they’ll call you ‘Madam’, and you’ll be sorry.” The middle-aged woman behind me burst into laughter and said “He’s right!”
And then I walked away.
|by Anonymous||reply 36||02/13/2019|
R24 I'm the thank you note guy.
I don't get your question. Is that like part of a traveling salesman/farmer joke?
|by Anonymous||reply 37||02/13/2019|
No, there was a guy two or three weeks ago who gave a $20 gift card to a friend's daughter (Swedish family), and went on and on about not receiving a thank you card from her.
|by Anonymous||reply 38||02/13/2019|
R22 you truly are pathetic and need electroshock therapy.
|by Anonymous||reply 39||02/13/2019|
No, R22 isn't. I do the same thing. Holding a door for a person takes little effort. It's an act of kindness and manners. It's doesn't kill anyone.
|by Anonymous||reply 40||02/13/2019|
I was taught to stand up when a lady, or someone older, enters the room. May have been a southern thing.
|by Anonymous||reply 41||02/13/2019|
Letting someone exit a door before you enter. I hate people who stand in front of an elevator door all ready to charge in when it opens.
|by Anonymous||reply 42||02/13/2019|
R39) If I'm at the door first and somebody is directly behind me, I hold it open. What is the problem with that? I did it today for a guy carrying two big boxes. It's a small kindness and the way I was raised.
|by Anonymous||reply 43||02/13/2019|
R16 is Ina Garten
|by Anonymous||reply 44||02/13/2019|
Hitting muggers with your man bag or purse.
|by Anonymous||reply 45||02/13/2019|
R44 People still send flowers are small tokens for being invited to a dinner party.
|by Anonymous||reply 46||02/13/2019|
Not cursing in front of a female. AKA, "polite company."
Wearing "good clothes" to church or on other ceremonial occasions.
|by Anonymous||reply 47||02/13/2019|
Those of us with ravaged faces are lacking in the social graces.
|by Anonymous||reply 48||02/13/2019|
|by Anonymous||reply 49||02/13/2019|
R28, when I get the No Problem response, I always ask: Is it usually a problem?
The confused looks makes it all worthwhile.
|by Anonymous||reply 50||02/13/2019|
I always hold doors open for people and usually let them go first. Ive come across a few instances where people (usually asians and women) knowing someone was behind them would only open the door just ever so slightly to allow themselves to just squeeze through and then let it shut in the second persons face. So annoying and rude.
|by Anonymous||reply 51||02/13/2019|
R46 I meant to say "or" small tokens. . .
The grammar folks have no social graces so. . .
|by Anonymous||reply 52||02/13/2019|
I am usually guilty of saying “no worries” and “no problem” and I have to constantly remind myself to say “you’re welcome”. It annoys me that I forget because i know full well it’s wrong but it’s just so automatic because it’s such a common kiwi thing to say.
|by Anonymous||reply 53||02/13/2019|
Closing your mouth when you eat. Keep your mastication a private affair.
|by Anonymous||reply 54||02/13/2019|
Ew! Who are you dining with, or where are you eating? Perhaps, you need to change the scenery and people.
|by Anonymous||reply 55||02/13/2019|
A man lighting a woman’s cigarette for her.
|by Anonymous||reply 56||02/13/2019|
None of these are completely forgotten about.
OP is talking about things like leaving cards at a home when you call, or where to place your gloves at the beginning of a meal.
It's not about not saying thank you often enough or whatever.
|by Anonymous||reply 57||02/13/2019|
A woman handing over her front door key to a man so he can unlock the door. What was THAT about? I see it a lot in old movies. It's also in The Golden Girls.
|by Anonymous||reply 58||02/13/2019|
r57, when was the last time you had to dodge a bucket of shit thrown from a window?
How OLD ARE you?
|by Anonymous||reply 59||02/13/2019|
Ah, I see r11 and r18 get the point of the thread, but most don't.
It is curious that we apparently MUST have a "people are so rude and awful, not like when I was young" thread going at all times, in concert with a "women should set their hair and wear crinolines just like my dear mama" thread.
|by Anonymous||reply 60||02/13/2019|
Yes, r59, anyone who knows a little something about old forgotten customs must actually be as old as what they're talking about, because no one ever reads about history or learns about the past or anything.
You are very smart and I'm sure you were at the top of your class.
|by Anonymous||reply 61||02/13/2019|
Kissing a woman's hand when you are introduced. Nowadays this would get you locked up.
|by Anonymous||reply 62||02/13/2019|
Dabbing the corners of your mouth with a handkerchief after swallowing.
|by Anonymous||reply 63||02/13/2019|
Polishing your silver codpiece with a bit of whale blubber on a warm Saturday evening
|by Anonymous||reply 64||02/14/2019|
Never speak ill of the dead. Now people make a point to speak ill of the dead.
|by Anonymous||reply 65||02/14/2019|
R47) Your comment reminds me of a funeral I attended. The woman was a beloved coworker and many of her fellow staff were in attendance. It was a very warm day, yet we all managed to pay our respects by wearing proper attire. Her daughter, however, sat in the front pew wearing a pink camisole type t-shirt. It made her tacky back tattoos very visible.
|by Anonymous||reply 66||02/14/2019|
Sending a postcard from your travel destination to let those back home know that you had safely arrived - even if it was a 20 mile journey.
|by Anonymous||reply 67||02/14/2019|
Using the language of good manners and social awareness, simply out of a genuine consideration for those around you, (as opposed to showing off what a Good Boy Am I, and flaunting elitism).
|by Anonymous||reply 68||02/14/2019|
Wait, I did that about 15 years ago, and I wasn't old! LOL.
|by Anonymous||reply 69||02/14/2019|
Yes, for me it’s unthinkable not to wear all black to a funeral unless explicitly asked otherwise. It shocks me how many people wear their ordinary clothes.
Saying, “How do you do” when you meet someone new, rather than, “Nice to meet you.”
|by Anonymous||reply 70||02/14/2019|
Asking permission before you drop a load in a guy's ass
|by Anonymous||reply 71||02/14/2019|
Asking permission if you can take a shit in someone's house. I don't like surprises. Never have.
|by Anonymous||reply 72||02/14/2019|
Making a cake or pie and presenting it in person to welcome the new neighbors that just moved in.
|by Anonymous||reply 73||02/14/2019|
Standing up when someone enters a room. Men standing when a woman excuses herself from the table.
|by Anonymous||reply 74||02/14/2019|
When seated, women cross their legs at the ankles.
When seated, men sit with their thighs together.
|by Anonymous||reply 75||02/14/2019|
R60, I think there’s some implicit sarcasm here that says “even saying ‘thank-you’ is obsolete, today.”
|by Anonymous||reply 76||02/14/2019|
R75 there is a obesity epidemic.
|by Anonymous||reply 77||02/14/2019|
I think there is something different about opening a door and letting a woman, or someone, proceed through the threshold, without that person reaching out and touching the door themselves, and then walking through it behind them, than the way we usually hold doors today. Today, we usually hold the door widely ajar until the following person can reach for it and (minimally) hold it briefly as they finish passing through.
It’s usually pretty special for a person to hold a door, then step aside while someone else passes through, like Jacki O might. Also, business exterior doors used to primarily open “out”, making this easier. A thin entrance that opens “in”, as most do today, can be an awkward problem because there isn’t always room for a “holder” and a “walker” in the same space.
|by Anonymous||reply 78||02/14/2019|
Writing and mailing thank you notes for wedding gifts.
|by Anonymous||reply 79||02/14/2019|
I had a friend, a peer, who was a fine man who had a weird quirk. If he was following me through a door threshold, he would indeed walk through without reaching out for the door, leaving me standing there, holding the door for him like a fool. He wouldn’t reach for the door himself. The door was often on a spring. It was not egalitarian.
If he reached a door first, he wouldn’t hold it himself, for me. I remember asking him about it, and he had no rationale for it. So, at one point, I just started letting the door hit him in the face. I can still imagine it today. It was pretty funny, as it wasn’t once.
|by Anonymous||reply 80||02/14/2019|
Ladies always leaving something on their plate, especially when dining with a gentleman caller.
|by Anonymous||reply 81||02/14/2019|
Honey, if it's a picnic with paper plates Chrissy eats the plate too.
|by Anonymous||reply 82||02/14/2019|
My niece was in high school when my Dad, her grandfather, died. She attended the funeral dressed like a whore. I guess I will remember it until the day I die. If not for DataLounge, I’d have no one to bitch to about it.
My Mom died two years later, and she was reasonably, respectfully, dressed, then. It was such a change, I wonder if someone said something? I can’t ask, she’s such a sweet thing.
|by Anonymous||reply 83||02/14/2019|
Chewing with mouth closed
|by Anonymous||reply 84||02/14/2019|
Rapists providing their own condoms and lube
|by Anonymous||reply 85||02/14/2019|
R79) Thanks for your response, as I was curious. I had to relocate to a small town for work, and there are many retired people out here. Door holding became common, as did letting them go ahead of me if I had a lot of groceries and they had one or two items.
|by Anonymous||reply 86||02/14/2019|
Looking wait staff in the eye and saying "everything's fine, thank you" when asked how your meal is. Treating elders with respect. Chewing your food at a reasonable pace with mouth closed. Waiving with a smile when someone lets you pull in front of them on the road.
|by Anonymous||reply 87||02/14/2019|
Don’t show pictures of your dick to strangers before saying hello.
|by Anonymous||reply 88||02/14/2019|
Waiting for the first date before presenting.
|by Anonymous||reply 89||02/14/2019|
Surprised the responses are so curt.
I was certain the Maiden Aunt Brigade would have lengthy lists of forgotten social graces.
|by Anonymous||reply 90||02/14/2019|
Max @r3, surely you meant to be more precise: the lost social grace is knowing exactly HOW to "kiss" the lady's hand (always without actually touching your lips to said hand, evidemment!).
One bows down to kiss the hand of an older or higher-ranking lady at about waist height, while one may bring the hand of a young lady up to shoulder height.
And now get off my lawn!
|by Anonymous||reply 91||02/14/2019|
Knowing that an Ice Cream Fork is not a spork.
|by Anonymous||reply 92||02/14/2019|
Men showing their interest by making eye contact and then looking at junk.
|by Anonymous||reply 93||02/14/2019|
There used to be a "rule" that a man should enter the elevator first, in case it fell or suffered a malfunction. I sometimes do that, but I think most people today would interpret it as rudeness. I do always try to stand near the control panel (unless someone has already done so) so I can hold the "door open" button, and I always hold the door open until everyone has exited and the first person from the new group has entered. (Assuming we're in a place where everyone gets off together.)
|by Anonymous||reply 94||02/14/2019|
[quote]Dabbing the corners of your mouth with a handkerchief after swallowing.
Wouldn't it be more convenient to do your dabbing with the cum rag rather than dirtying up a napkin?
|by Anonymous||reply 95||02/14/2019|
Being generous enough to share a doobie while having a glass of wine during a play date. Those were the good old days.
|by Anonymous||reply 96||02/14/2019|
Saying oops after passing your gas.
|by Anonymous||reply 97||02/14/2019|
[quote] There used to be a "rule" that a man should enter the elevator first, in case it fell or suffered a malfunction.
I learn something new here every day.
|by Anonymous||reply 98||02/14/2019|
Also, a man should enter a revolving door first to push it, allowing a lady to enter behind.
|by Anonymous||reply 99||02/14/2019|
A man entering a taxi before a lady, so she doesn’t reveal her panties sliding across the seat
|by Anonymous||reply 100||02/14/2019|
R20: I agree - woman bosses do tend to overcompensate for being a woman. I can count on one hand the number of cool female bosses I've had in my long career.
|by Anonymous||reply 101||02/14/2019|
If you're in a group, introduce the people who don't know each other. I don't know if it's an "old, forgotten social grace." It's something that I always do because it makes sense. However, I notice that hardly anybody does it.
|by Anonymous||reply 102||02/14/2019|
|by Anonymous||reply 103||02/14/2019|
Walking petunias. I can't remember the last time I took a stroll with some walking petunias.
Oh sure, every once in a while I buy some gladiolas for a special stroll with a gentleman caller. But gladiolas make me think of John McCain and then I get sad.
Oh, to be a young thing around town with a fresh bouquet of walking petunias!
|by Anonymous||reply 104||02/14/2019|
R102 OMG. The fact that something so simple and basic can be considered a forgotten 'social grace' shows a lot! I've been in countless situations where introductions were spared. This seems pretty common, names seem to come up later now if you strike a chord with someone. Unfortunate.
|by Anonymous||reply 105||02/14/2019|
Another cheer for R102.
How are there adults walking around that don't know this?
|by Anonymous||reply 106||02/14/2019|
R6 I’m with you R6, I like sending flowers to my hostess before an event such an a dinner party, but I’ve been told that’s considered kinda common, and that the classy thing is to send flowers the next day with a note thank the hostess for a lovely evening
|by Anonymous||reply 107||02/14/2019|
|by Anonymous||reply 108||02/14/2019|
Keep your FEET off the FUCKING FURNITURE!
|by Anonymous||reply 109||02/14/2019|
[quote]A man entering a taxi before a lady, so she doesn’t reveal her panties sliding across the seat
But what if she's not wearing panties?
|by Anonymous||reply 110||02/14/2019|
Eating soup in the proper manner:
“As little ships go out to sea, I hold my spoon away from me.”
|by Anonymous||reply 111||02/14/2019|
Sending flowers when one is unable to accept an invitation.
|by Anonymous||reply 112||02/14/2019|
Tolerating differences in opinion.
Trying to assume the best of your fellow humans unless you're given a very good reason not to.
|by Anonymous||reply 113||02/14/2019|
Never discussing religion or politics.
|by Anonymous||reply 114||02/14/2019|
Growing up I was taught that when walking along the pavement/sidewalk, gentlemen always walked on the street side.
I discovered later that that’s a throwback to the days when travel was by horse. It protected the ladies and children from the splashing poo.
|by Anonymous||reply 115||02/14/2019|
Wearing one's hood when conducting business in public.
|by Anonymous||reply 116||02/14/2019|
Do you guys know what flowers cost these days? A small FTD bouquet, plus all their fees on top of fees, easily becomes $70 to $100. For the cheap flowers. I can’t imagine who is sending the expensive bouquets.
|by Anonymous||reply 117||02/14/2019|
R1 and R115 - when I was a little kid visiting my grandmother in the city she positioned me on the other side of her, away from the street — “So if a car jumps the curb it will hit me not you.” She was nuts, but a lot of fun, my grandma.
|by Anonymous||reply 118||02/14/2019|
truth is, if you try to use good manners and social grace today you'll come across as "unfriendly" and cold to so many people. General attitude nowadays is treating anyone, anywhere, and under any circumstance with no respect whatsoever.
|by Anonymous||reply 119||02/14/2019|
My parents sent me to an etiquette course (this was in the 80s), and we spent two or three classes on properly using silverware/flatware.
I'm not joking.
|by Anonymous||reply 120||02/14/2019|
R119, see R36!
|by Anonymous||reply 121||02/14/2019|
I remember in the late 90's I believe is when certain stores like Macys starting having their salespeople call customers by their FIRST names (as seen on their credit cards or checks). My mother was so disgusted about this, partially because she has a not-so-common name but it really isn't that hard to pronounce. She said not one salesperson could pronounce her name right, which only illuminated the fact that calling someone that you don't know by their first name is not only rude and presumptuous but often makes the person look foolish if they don't even know how to pronounce the name correctly. She felt that it was just poor manners to do this and couldn't figure out why these stores would want to potentially insult and disrespect customers this way. I tend to agree with her.
|by Anonymous||reply 122||02/14/2019|
I always write thank you notes. People really appreciate them.
|by Anonymous||reply 123||02/14/2019|
[quote]Dabbing the corners of your mouth with a handkerchief after swallowing.
And then buttoning the gentleman's trousers for him, before you get up off your knees.
|by Anonymous||reply 124||02/14/2019|
R63 and R124 - Francine Fishpaw had the “dabbing” technique down, even in the most awkward social situations:
|by Anonymous||reply 125||02/14/2019|
R118, I love your grandma.
|by Anonymous||reply 126||02/14/2019|
Thanks R115. She was a pip!
|by Anonymous||reply 127||02/14/2019|
Food should be consumed, not devoured.
|by Anonymous||reply 128||02/14/2019|
Now the credit card phone rep call you mr or miss (first name).
|by Anonymous||reply 129||02/14/2019|
Take your damned hat off in a restaurant and please note, a ball cap is absolutely never acceptable in a proper establishment.
|by Anonymous||reply 130||02/14/2019|
Restaurants? That's bad enough. I saw people with hats on in cathedrals, courthouses, museums, and other formal places. It's a disgrace. It should be something your mother tells you to do when you're eight years old. Ballcaps are particularly offensive because they're sportswear.
|by Anonymous||reply 131||02/14/2019|
"... a man should enter a revolving door first allowing a lady to enter behind."
Especially if she's wearing a strap on!
|by Anonymous||reply 132||02/14/2019|
"John Waters fans will remember “Serial Mom,” in which an excessively genteel matron murders a series of etiquette rule breakers, including Patricia Hearst’s character (for wearing white shoes after Labor Day). Ah, the good old days."
|by Anonymous||reply 133||02/14/2019|
A gentleman enters a carriage after a lady, but exits the carriage before her. This is all so that he's positioned to catch her in case she trips/gets the vapors.
Young people mock me when I introduce them to each other in groups. They have no idea how to handle it.
You know you're old when the first thing you look for when you get to a party is a comfortable chair. It's also when you notice that young people no longer offer their seat to elders.
|by Anonymous||reply 134||02/14/2019|
"Restaurants? That's bad enough. I saw people with hats on in cathedrals, courthouses, museums, and other formal places."
I thought the antique rule was that a lady should cover her head in church?
Not with a baseball cap, of course. But really, that's why southern ladies wear enormous hats to church of a Sunday, and back in the day I was told that any woman who went to Italy ought to carry a scarf or something in her purse, because it was considered disrespectful for a woman to enter a church with her head uncovered. Not that anyone followed that rule when I actually got there.
|by Anonymous||reply 135||02/14/2019|
[quote] I thought the antique rule was that a lady should cover her head in church?
In the Catholic Church, this ended about 1965 with the changes from Vatican II. If you travel to some Catholic countries, they may be more conservative. In particular, men, including tourists, should not wear shorts and no jeans. Women should be dressed similarly modestly.
|by Anonymous||reply 136||02/14/2019|
HANDWRITTEN Thank-you Notes!
|by Anonymous||reply 137||02/14/2019|
|by Anonymous||reply 138||02/14/2019|
Dueling. With sabers. And dueling scars.
Also, clicking you heals upon introduction.
|by Anonymous||reply 139||02/14/2019|
Dueling scars was a German thing. (I mean, the need to have one so they would scar themselves on purpose, and then fill the wound with all sort of irritating things, to make sure it left a huge ass scar.)
|by Anonymous||reply 140||02/14/2019|
When those German idiots dueled with swords as a matter of honor and because it was cool... they wore tough metal goggles and nose guards.
Because while a big scar might have been considered cool, losing an eye or having your nose sliced off was not!
|by Anonymous||reply 141||02/14/2019|
Look at that bastard.
(Thanks for posting, R141.)
|by Anonymous||reply 142||02/14/2019|
Wasn't he a huge fucking idiot, R142?
|by Anonymous||reply 143||02/14/2019|
When at a wedding, converse with other people at your table.
|by Anonymous||reply 144||02/14/2019|
Carry on an actual TWO-WAY conversation rather than bloviating about yourself the entire time.
|by Anonymous||reply 145||02/14/2019|
The man would get out of the car first and walk around to the other side and open the door for the woman passenger. This was a common social grace until about 1970.
|by Anonymous||reply 146||02/14/2019|
I recently worked closely with a guy who refused to interact with me, even to the point of not even acknowledging pleasantries. So imagine my shock when I just learned that this guy is an aspiring comedian. I guess he truly leaves it all out on stage.
|by Anonymous||reply 147||02/14/2019|
Kissing the corpse at open casket wakes.
|by Anonymous||reply 148||02/14/2019|
kissing the corpse? omg - that one needed to go!
|by Anonymous||reply 149||02/15/2019|
They also used to routinely photograph the corpse in the open casket - that hung on until the 1960s.
|by Anonymous||reply 150||02/15/2019|
Compare and contrast today’s tattoo fad with German scaring. Begin.
|by Anonymous||reply 151||02/15/2019|
[quote] R148: Kissing the corpse at open casket wakes.
Hi, would you please go in to detail? Was this really a thing?
My Mom was forced to kiss her dead Father at about age 4. She was traumatized and although she attended Mass most days, she almost never went to funerals. She would, just for family. Basically only those where her absence would have been particularly noted. (She had a high “shame quotient”).
[Italic] Danke Dir [/italic]
|by Anonymous||reply 152||02/15/2019|
R150 they did not until the 1960s. Maybe 1860s.
|by Anonymous||reply 153||02/15/2019|
In the bygone era it was almost expected to lose a few of your offspring before they reached adulthood. Those with good manners didn't bring it up or used it to stain your escutcheon.
|by Anonymous||reply 154||02/15/2019|
Holding one nose and forcefully announcing "here it comes" before passing wind to give those around you to remove themselves from the blast area.
|by Anonymous||reply 155||02/15/2019|
Turning your bright headlights (high beams) down to regular beams when another car approaches you going the opposite direction.
|by Anonymous||reply 156||02/15/2019|
Flashing your brights to alert approaching traffic that a speed trap awaits them. Do people still do that?
|by Anonymous||reply 157||02/15/2019|
MEN should always take off their hat as they enter a building. This is especially true of churches and public buildings like courthouses.
Women can wear hats, veils, scarves, etc. indoors and especially in places of worship where it's a sign of modesty.
|by Anonymous||reply 158||02/15/2019|
r152, it was an expected thing when wakes were held in the home and Granny, or whomever, was laid out on the front room sofa.
The Kiss Goodbye held over to the move to funeral homes.
It was interesting to see that most people would give a forehead or cheek kiss but it was freaky to watch someone kiss a corpse on the lips.
I have seen the corpse kiss replaced in Christian wakes with a cross placed inside the casket and people kiss that.
|by Anonymous||reply 159||02/15/2019|
Manners! Also hats and gloves when dressed up
|by Anonymous||reply 160||02/15/2019|
[italic]Service à la Russe[/italic]
Handwriting sympathy notes and thank-you notes for flowers and gifts given in memoriam on black-bordered writing paper or plain, black-bordered blank cards (no pre-printed sympathy cards or thank-you cards), in black ink only.
Introducing younger to older, men to women and less distinguished to more distinguished. Introducing people by their full name, not just the given name.
[italic] "Mom, this is my boyfriend, Henry Fortune-Hunter. Henry, this is my mother, Mrs. Cornelius Toplofty."* [/italic]
*Introducing, announcing and addressing married women as "Mrs [husband's name]".
Almost the entire contents of my copy of Emily Post's [italic]Etiquette[/italic], 1937 edition.
|by Anonymous||reply 161||02/15/2019|
Warning your trick you're uncircumcised before you start undressing.
|by Anonymous||reply 162||02/15/2019|
[quote] Women can wear hats, veils, scarves, etc. indoors
But never in their own home. If they are a guest in someone's home, yes, but never in their own home!!
|by Anonymous||reply 163||02/15/2019|
Wow, this thread is bringing back memories, both of my own embarrassing faux pas but of all the annoying transgressions by others.
I had some friends over to watch a show on TV and their feet were all over my new furniture, both bare and shod. It's just something I don't do at other people's houses and never with shoes on at home.
Also one guest was eating popcorn from a bag she brought and managing to spew popcorn bits all over the place. I was appalled. I got bowls for all the popcorn eaters. I never invited any of them back.
|by Anonymous||reply 164||02/15/2019|
People have forgotten that when crossing the street, a lady should raise her dress with the right hand a little about the ankle. To raise the dress with both hands is vulgar and can only be excused when mud is very deep.
|by Anonymous||reply 165||02/15/2019|
Good riddance to this behavior: Females used to feel compelled to compliment men on their physical prowess, mental acumen, and good looks, no matter how oafish the man. The worst mistake a young woman could make was to make a man feel intellectually inferior or inadequate as a male.
Nowadays, pointing out the flaws of others is de rigueur.
|by Anonymous||reply 166||02/15/2019|
In a carriage ride, a gentleman never sat next to a lady who was not a relative; he always sat with his back to the horses, allowing the opposite seat to the lady. A gentleman also had to take care not to step on a lady's dress, and he was to alight first to help a lady down.
|by Anonymous||reply 167||02/15/2019|
Dance cards at balls.
|by Anonymous||reply 168||02/15/2019|
Christmas cards to absolutely everyone, even very distant relations you never see or communicate with otherwise.
My mother used to get cards from second cousins she’d never met. Then they died and that ended.
|by Anonymous||reply 169||02/15/2019|
I love you, R33.
So many viewers miss that Serial Mom is at its core about the ludicrousness and hypocrisy of polite society. Americans are more “offended” by gum chewing and foul language than murder!
|by Anonymous||reply 170||02/15/2019|
Returning invitations; like should be returned for like.
If you went to a dinner party at someone's home, you must invite them to dinner at your home if you want to continue the relationship. If you are a bachelor, you may substitute an invitation to dinner (at your expense) in a restaurant or at your club. If you went to a cocktail party at someone's home, you must invite them to some sort of social event at your home or that you are sponsoring; cocktail parties being less formal than dinner, pretty much any social event will do.
Failure to observe this rule is rude and an unmistakable indication of your intention not to continue the acquaintance, unless an exception applies.
Exceptions to the rule: Invitations to weddings and wedding* receptions; invitations to private functions related to a funeral*; circumstances that prevent your returning the invitation, such as a death in the family or a lengthy, unplanned time away; not technically but in practice, invitations to be an "extra man" at a party. Bachelors get away with murder in this regard. There were others, I'm sure, but that's all I remember off the top of my head.
It sounds complicated, but really it's easy and makes sense: If someone goes to the trouble to entertain you, you should entertain them back in a reasonably comparable way, within your means and ability. It was very civilized.
Captain Obvious says: The rule only applies if you accept the invitation. If you turn it down, you have no obligation.
*Wedding and funeral ceremonies held in a church are religious services and therefore public. They do not technically require an invitation and attendance incurs no social obligation on anyone's part. In reality, it will be difficult to get into the church without an invitation for a wedding. Anyone can show up for funeral (except for a very prominent person) ... and often does!
|by Anonymous||reply 171||02/15/2019|
R170, we don't need to be offended by murder. It's illegal, so there are laws to prevent it and punish those who commit it.
On other hand, the "ludicrousness and hypocrisy of polite society" is designed to prevent and punish non-criminal but offensive, annoying, inconsiderate, disruptive, selfish, unpleasant and intrusive behavior with social opprobrium. While the old ways might seem restrictive to modern people who prefer to do whatever they want and bellow their feelings to anyone who will listen, in fact, they provided guidelines that everyone was expected to follow and that kept some degree of order and calm. They were like the lane markers on a road; ignoring them has produced the social equivalent of a bumper-car game.
|by Anonymous||reply 172||02/15/2019|
Very true, r172. I'm quite younger than you so maybe I should not be commenting, but it seems like a free for all out there. This thread has highlighted the fact that people struggle with even the most basic introductions and goodbyes.
Social anxiety wasn't really a thing back when people were taught to behave either...
|by Anonymous||reply 173||02/15/2019|
Under names and titles in the 14th edition of Emily Post it says that it is permissable to call aunts or uncles by their first names, especially if they are younger than the parents but that formal titles like "aunt" and "uncle" are generally saved for elders.
Grandparents are always called as such with the possible exception of a young step grandmother (so if daddy hooks up with a young chick).
|by Anonymous||reply 174||02/15/2019|
That is the positive side of etiquette rules, R172. There was also a downside, in that many of the old rules were used to maintain class distinctions or sex-based double standards.
Sadly, the sort of people who dislike the rules of etiquette do not understand that there was a very positive side to the whole shebang, one that was intended to make the world a kinder place, and to give everyone a guide to ways of making others feel welcome and accepted.
|by Anonymous||reply 175||02/15/2019|
Emily Post should make an up-to-date edition that talks about the Trans community. Older editions make no mention of them and thus are out of date.
|by Anonymous||reply 176||02/15/2019|
R162- Your TRICK? This isn't 1977.
|by Anonymous||reply 177||02/15/2019|
Not licking your fingers at a restaurant, but definitely after I cum in his hand.
|by Anonymous||reply 178||02/15/2019|
Waiting for people to exit the elevator before charging on.
Someone upthread mentioned holding the door for those directly behind you. It seems to me that you should hold it momentarily until the person behind you takes over, but too often you're stuck holding the door while everyone streams past you.
Giving up your seat for the elderly or disabled or (I'm sure this will be popular) someone carrying a baby or small child.
|by Anonymous||reply 179||02/15/2019|
r114 I always thought that the religion and politics rule was such a middle class/bourgeois created by the wealthy who didn't want to discuss such matters with the new money groups. On Titanic, yes I know it's a movie, the guys retreat to talk nothing but business and politics. Not sure about religion but I can imagine it would have come up. I think etiquette dictates that you need to know the time and place for such discussions. Lounging with other men, or woman, sipping brandy in a cigar lounge sounds like a wonderful place to talk about those topics.
I'm young and not wealthy so, take my ramblings with half a grain of salt.
|by Anonymous||reply 180||02/15/2019|
r135 I'm glad that the hat rule is gone. I have lots of hats and pick one out to enhance my outfit. Woman have been doing this for ever, yet they didn't have to remove their hats. I won't wear one to court, in church or at work, but everywhere else is free game. Restaurants are a grey area.
|by Anonymous||reply 181||02/15/2019|
Hats were a thing when people didn't wash their hair very often. It cut down on the smell and hid the unkempt, dirty appearance of unwashed hair. When daily hair-washing became common practice, hats went out of favor.
|by Anonymous||reply 182||02/15/2019|
Letting a person behind you in line with an item or two go ahead.
|by Anonymous||reply 183||02/15/2019|
Yeah, when I think of the hippy era, daily shampooing and cleanliness immediately spring to mind.
|by Anonymous||reply 184||02/15/2019|
Not everybody was a hippie you dumb cunt.
|by Anonymous||reply 185||02/15/2019|
R183, most supermarkets or Target/Walmart type stores have a lane for 12 items or less, now. I’ve seen 10 item or even 6 item limits. Your example seems to have gone the way of hoop skirts and horse buggies.
|by Anonymous||reply 186||02/15/2019|
Cleaning up a persons whole house after receiving and attending dinner invitation.
|by Anonymous||reply 187||02/15/2019|
Afternoon cotton field concerts.
It was a Southern thing.
|by Anonymous||reply 188||02/15/2019|
[quote]Flashing your brights to alert approaching traffic that a speed trap awaits them. Do people still do that?
This happened to me a month ago. And sure enough, around a long curve, there was a cop laying in wait.
|by Anonymous||reply 189||02/15/2019|
Killing flies during a dinner meal. It’s important for the maid to kill insects during dinner, it shows respect.
|by Anonymous||reply 190||02/15/2019|
[quote] to make sure it left a huge ass scar.
How would anyone see it, except in those most intimate moments?
|by Anonymous||reply 191||02/15/2019|
No need to lecture me -- I'm a proud graduate of the Wendy Ward Charm School.
|by Anonymous||reply 192||02/15/2019|
Women are made to be in skirts and only speak when told.
|by Anonymous||reply 193||02/15/2019|
R192, I am a graduate of the Chicago Patricia Vance School!
|by Anonymous||reply 194||02/15/2019|
"Hats were a thing when people didn't wash their hair very often"
Actually, hats were a thing before sunglasses became popular, and before the invention of sunblock. Hats kept the sun from frying your skin or blind your sight, they kept the rain off your face as well, and yeah, they covered filthy greasy hair. Okay, there were a lot of stupid old rules about hats because it was considered immodest for a woman to run around with her hair uncovered in certain times and places, even now, but hats were also extremely practical.
Nowadays, nobody wears hats all the time except cowboys and birdwatchers.
|by Anonymous||reply 195||02/15/2019|
Excuse me! I beg to differ.
|by Anonymous||reply 196||02/15/2019|
As do I, old thing.
|by Anonymous||reply 197||02/15/2019|
Disagreeing with someone without calling them a cunt--or some other slur.
|by Anonymous||reply 198||02/15/2019|
R198 hey cunt, I disagree.
|by Anonymous||reply 199||02/15/2019|
Had a good laugh at R1 and R18.
|by Anonymous||reply 200||02/15/2019|
|by Anonymous||reply 201||02/15/2019|
[quote]Waiving with a smile when someone lets you pull in front of them on the road.
Everyone remember this one, please! Just wave, that's good. Heck, I even let my bitchfest go, when some driver did a bonehead move, if they will hold up their "my bad" hands. Something to acknowledge the shit that went down.
However, I will be equally pissed off if that didn't happen and if someone didn't send a wave of thanks to me.
|by Anonymous||reply 202||02/15/2019|
[quote] There used to be a "rule" that a man should enter the elevator first, in case it fell or suffered a malfunction.
And you precede a lady when walking up the stairs, so you don't look up her skirt.
|by Anonymous||reply 203||02/16/2019|
Was at a funeral at a big cathedral recently for an acquaintance. Except for the ushers, I was the only one wearing a suit. Or even a suit jacket, for that matter. Most people looked like they were going to the movies or a ballgame, with sports jerseys, caps and gym shoes. Even some of the older people, which surprised me. Women in pants and jeans. It had been a while since I'd been to a funeral, but I guess that's the way things are now with the masses.
|by Anonymous||reply 204||02/16/2019|
Announcing that you are about to fart instead of just letting it rip out of your asshole like they do today.
|by Anonymous||reply 205||02/16/2019|
Wasn't funny the first five times somebody said it, either, r205.
|by Anonymous||reply 206||02/16/2019|
listen to me you piece of shit. reality is reality.
|by Anonymous||reply 207||02/16/2019|
R20 is a real prick.
|by Anonymous||reply 208||02/16/2019|
r20 appears to have many psychological problems.
|by Anonymous||reply 209||02/16/2019|
I have not been go a funereal in about 17 years...at that time they seemed to be dressed in Sunday best. I have some black friends who go to funerals all the time, I will ask how they dress.
|by Anonymous||reply 210||02/16/2019|
Executing people guilty of treason, not electing them to public office.
|by Anonymous||reply 211||02/16/2019|
It's not just saying the words, it's saying them as if you have a clue what they're meant to convey, and you actually mean it. No point reciting "excuse me" like a polite little boy, as you approach a stranger on the street, if you're going to say it in a tone that says "Oi cunt, givvus a fucken smoke ya fucken rich prick".
|by Anonymous||reply 212||02/16/2019|
Bathrobes after a shower / bath.
|by Anonymous||reply 213||02/16/2019|
Neighborhood welcome wagon.
|by Anonymous||reply 214||02/16/2019|
Not talking with your mouth full.
|by Anonymous||reply 215||02/16/2019|
Being on time.
|by Anonymous||reply 216||02/16/2019|
|by Anonymous||reply 217||02/16/2019|
|by Anonymous||reply 218||02/16/2019|
Addressing a young boy as Master in written correspondence.
|by Anonymous||reply 219||02/16/2019|
I always address my hot fuck as "master" or "sir". Otherwise he beats the shit out of me!
|by Anonymous||reply 220||02/16/2019|
Referring to married women by their husband's names, as in Mrs. Herbert Clutterbunk.
|by Anonymous||reply 221||02/16/2019|
I thought it was the exact opposite, R203. Here's what it says on Quora:
"The traditional etiquette rule is that the man should be on the lower stair, so ahead of the women when coming down and behind her when going up. The logic being that if she trips or falls, the man, generally being larger and stronger, will be in a position to catch her, whereas if he is above her and falls, he'll fall onto her and both will likely tumble down.
Because the man is close behind, this doesn't really lend him a view of the woman's behind per say, but he does serve as a shield for anyone at the base of the stairs who might be trying to catch a glimpse."
|by Anonymous||reply 222||02/16/2019|
We would visit my mother’s side of the family six times a year when I was a little kid. There would be an announcement printed in the local paper the Wednesday before our visits. It would give the time on Saturday that we would be receiving guests, along with any special family news.
My grandmother was a real Hyacinth Bucket.
|by Anonymous||reply 223||02/16/2019|
Referring to divorced women by a combination of their maiden and married names. Mrs. Smith Goldstein.
|by Anonymous||reply 224||02/16/2019|
I remember this practice, r223. Local newspapers had a social column that announced things like this.
|by Anonymous||reply 225||02/16/2019|
Playing with yourself at night underneath the covers.
|by Anonymous||reply 226||02/16/2019|
R225 and R223, I think this must perforce have been a small-town practice. Imagine announcements of visitors to New York or Washington! Anyone worthy of printer's ink in such large cities, already fully of prominent people, would not have been at home to the public anyway.
I don't remember anything like this because I grew up in Washington, but it's sounds like a very nice custom in a small city.
|by Anonymous||reply 227||02/16/2019|
R222 is correct. A man follows a woman up the stairs and precedes her down the stairs to catch her in case she trips. This applies to standard-width staircases only. If the stairs are wide enough, the man accompanies the woman, either arm in arm or offering his arm to her, for the same reason.
... but I think R203 was joking.
|by Anonymous||reply 228||02/16/2019|
[quote]Addressing a young boy as Master in written correspondence.
Yeah, I'm kinda glad that one's fallen by the wayside.
|by Anonymous||reply 229||02/16/2019|
Master can I worship your feet with my hot mouth?
|by Anonymous||reply 230||02/16/2019|
saying "pardon me", after you rip a mean fart during dinner
|by Anonymous||reply 231||02/16/2019|
The husband and/or wife turning on their boudoir lamp, sliding their feet into their slippers, and donning and tightly belting their house robes BEFORE exiting their bedrooms, even if the house is on fire, their children are screaming for them, or it sounds like the house is being burglarized.
|by Anonymous||reply 232||02/16/2019|
Not using the words "fart" or "crap" or anything similar in polite society and refraining from making crass jokes about them.
|by Anonymous||reply 233||02/16/2019|
[quote]Not using the words "fart" or "crap" or anything similar in polite society and refraining from making crass jokes about them.
But farting makes me giddy.
|by Anonymous||reply 234||02/16/2019|
[quote] Executing people guilty of treason, not electing them to public office.
Stocks in the public square would be a good alternative for those of us firmly against capital punishment. In any case, treason needs a long drawn out and very public punishment, maybe with a cam broadcast on a reality show like Apprentice or Kim.
|by Anonymous||reply 235||02/18/2019|
My mother was a fine girdled-up, hose-wearing, coiffed and lacquered, pearl-bedecked proper matron, as were her friends. One in particular was a sweet, kind, heavily girdled woman with tightly curled hair who my mother picked up for some reason or another to go somewhere.
My 12 year old doofus self was in the backseat as Mrs. Fuddy deftly squeezed herself into the to passenger side, releasing a dainty fart while doing so. She murmured a tiny gasp but nothing else was said. I observed this in great wonderment while engaging in tremendous self control to keep myself from snorting and guffawing.
Mother was never heard to fart in public and very rarely at home. But from time to time when the house was quiet and I was busy in my room, she would rip off a great loud long one, to my eternal delight.
|by Anonymous||reply 236||02/18/2019|
Poot is gross. Peet is more ladylike.
|by Anonymous||reply 237||02/18/2019|
I had a distant ancestor who was socially prominent in the Boston area. Every tea or party they attended was described in the society page. Every child who was home visiting from school. Every single female child’s social schedule was in the paper. This was the late 1800s. Similar to as reported by R223.
Another family line was in the Brooklyn, NY blue book and were also reported upon.
It makes it hard finding good genealogy info about my family because I have to sort through a lot of articles about social lunches, in this era.
|by Anonymous||reply 238||02/18/2019|
Women of that era never sweated or perspired ... they GLOWED.
|by Anonymous||reply 239||02/18/2019|
My family was often featured in the Police Blotter section of the paper. Mother would get so upset. "We see your family is in the news again," the heartless old biddies would say.
|by Anonymous||reply 240||02/18/2019|
Swinging on the outhouse door.
|by Anonymous||reply 241||02/19/2019|
Not scaring the horses.
|by Anonymous||reply 242||02/19/2019|
"...ones that have been completely forgotten."
If we take that directive literally we aren't left with anything to discuss, now are we?
|by Anonymous||reply 243||02/19/2019|
asking politely the manfriend you are fucking the preference of having the seed in his arse, back. chest or face.
|by Anonymous||reply 244||02/19/2019|
Leaving not only the cash as agreed upon on the bureau on the way out, but adding a gratuity.
|by Anonymous||reply 245||02/19/2019|
|by Anonymous||reply 246||02/19/2019|
Along the lines of people dressing for church - I went to a Friday night wedding at a Catholic Church. It included a Mass, which was apparently open to the public. The wedding was held in Spring Lake, NJ so it was close to the shore. People came to Mass in cutoff shorts, flip flops, and t-shirts. There were even a few bikini tops and tube tops! I'm not Catholic nor do I attend church but I think that was in really poor taste. Especially given that there was a wedding going on!
|by Anonymous||reply 247||03/14/2019|
Making sure at high society socials, you get the product name right.
|by Anonymous||reply 248||03/14/2019|
Sales staff saying "Thank you" or "Bye" or "Have a nice day" at the end of a transaction. Now millennials say "Have a good one." I find this seriously irritating.
|by Anonymous||reply 249||03/14/2019|
Not saying sorry when you accidentally fart.
|by Anonymous||reply 250||03/14/2019|
Saying oops when you pass gas.
|by Anonymous||reply 251||03/14/2019|
Not holding your partner's head under the covers when you fart in bed. Dutch ovens are very big these days.
|by Anonymous||reply 252||03/14/2019|
Removing the disco lights before the police arrive.
|by Anonymous||reply 253||03/14/2019|
R50 I love you. I love twisting these “no problem” idiots into bewilderment.
Thank you for holding the door.
Uhh, no problem.
Oh, is it usually a problem?
Like saying “no problem” is an accomplishment, that deserves a reward.
|by Anonymous||reply 254||03/16/2019|
Of course, you could always just throw a non sequitur back at the "no problem" people:
"Thank you for your service."
|by Anonymous||reply 255||03/16/2019|
Not creating conflict over a well-meant acknowledgment
|by Anonymous||reply 256||03/16/2019|
Going to Catholic church when I was a kid, we had to dress up a little ("Sunday best"). Girls and women had to have a veil over their heads. If they didn't have one they had to improvise, even if it was just a paper napkin. The little old Mexican ladies who sat in the front rows always had long black veils which seemed to cover them up and almost reached the floor. I thought they were saints. As time went on going to church became much more informal. Now it seems as if anything goes.
|by Anonymous||reply 257||03/17/2019|