Let’s be the script for a psycho-biddy starring Madge

I’m the shocking discovery of a male dancer’s corpse completely drained of blood.

I’m the Sarah Paulson-type in supporting

I'm the industrial amount of vaseline used for shooting close-ups of the leading actresses.

She was BORN to play Baby Jane.

I’m the child adopted from a developing country who’s dressed like a mini clone of the protagonist, who shows me off like I’m her exotic pet.

I’m the revelatory third act that delivers on emotion.

I’m the daily beauty regime montage backed with tragic-sounding music. The highlight is Madge hanging upside-down on a trapeze while doing Kegel exercises to keep her uterus from falling out.

I'm Sandra Bernhard holding my nose in a supporting roll for scale, hoping this will turn my movie career around!

Or role.

I’m the surprising visit from an old friend who’s dying.

I’m the complete breakdown in a restroom at an industry event (scene used in nominations montage)

I’m the giant silver platter that’s opened with a flourish to reveal a strange-looking pork roast in the climatic dinner party scene. Missing from the affair: the long-lost niece who tried to ingratiate herself to Auntie in hopes of inheriting her estate.

I’m Cyndi Lauper stunt cast to play Madge’s best frenemy.

I’m the Egyptian-themed comeback tour that is revealed to happen every ten years like clockwork during the Winter Solstice. I must NEVER be delayed, postponed, or cancelled. There are also Egyptian furnishings and objets d’arte throughout Madge’s palacial residence, and she never removes that scarab pendant hanging on her neck.

lol.

We're done with casting.

I’m the surprising lack of a musical number.

Im the twee English interlude, scripted by James ivory.

I am the part of a maid to be cast with a Patricia Hitchcock type.

I will occasionally say things like, "Oh, don't mind when Ma'am has one of her moments and starts speaking in an English accent for a few years. That's just her way."

....

I'm the inspiration.

I am the stock footage from Evita being played ever faster on a constant loop.

I’m the charming digital consultant with a dark secret of his own.

I'm the plot point that hinges on a DL thread.

I am Bette Midler being offered the role of the slatternly old agent.

I’m the full length mirror reflecting a skeletal wraith, in an old lace tank top and leggings, grinning and slowly gyrating to a 40 year-old pop hit while tears stream down her cheeks.

We're the playpen and the La Perla diapers.