Where is the goddamned Christmas Moose? It's two weeks to Christmas, and we have not heard a peep out of the fucker.

Perhaps he’s at a bull moose party?

That fucker better be wrapping up fruitcake in home made gift baskets and mulling some goddamn organic cider for us, or I will cut a bitch!

I saw him in Newman Marcus at Copley Plaza last weekend, doing his Christmas shopping. He had a really long list and lots and lots of pair of socks. He didn’t recognize me at first and I didn’t stop because you know how he can go on and on, but later I passed him on the escalator and he yelled out something about it getting crazier every year. Then his hat fell over the side.

I thought I saw him pushing a cart full of Dollar Tree pound cakes but on second glance it turned out to be Mama June getting her lunch.

Newman?

It’s the sock store at the mall. Doesn’t every town have one?

He told me he was going to Cabo this year.

[quote] I thought I saw him pushing a cart full of Dollar Tree pound cakes

Shouldn't that be Bitcoin pound cakes?

R7, I think he was galavanting all over god damn Portugal and god damn Spain. But he’ll be back. He’ll never miss his big day. He gets paid double time for holiday work. He’s in a Union, you know.

Perhaps, R8, but are “pound cakes” legal in Canada? Is there a metric equivalent?

[quote] He gets paid double time for holiday work. He’s in a Union, you know.

So he gets double the peanuts?

And I thought the Mediapolis/DL mascots failed in their attempt to unionize.

He’s in the elf union Local 1. He got in through a loophole because Moose and Reindeer are related. Reindeer are an inferior version of Moose, actually. Anyway, he had his lawyer call them, and they caved.

Don’t forget it’s his birthday on the 25th. He’s turning 4 this year.

Thanks for the clarification, R11.

And FOCM, hasn't he been four the past three years or so?

R13, Are you saying he’s turning three? I don’t think so. I will ask Mother Moose when I see her next. She’ll know.

Um... Mother moose died. She used to be in a retirement village at Stone Zoo, but she died last summer when she tried to take the fast ferry to Provincetown but accidentally got on Codzilla. It was all over the papers. You must have seen it!

I would like can of Sprite and a new chess set for Christmas. Does the Moose understand the difference between standard chess and Chinese Chess?

[quote] Are you saying he’s turning three?

More like six or seven.

[quote] She used to be in a retirement village at Stone Zoo

A zoo within a zoo?

If I get a goddamned pair of socks from that dim witted motherfucker, he/s gonna be turned into a nice piece of taxidermy to hang above my mantel!

OP, you sound like the Thanksgiving Otter without the bile and underlying wisdom behind the foul language. Are you Ottifer by any chance?

Now you’ve gone and done it, R15! Mother Moose is fine, she sends her love. She has not been stuffed and animated by Disney. I can personally vouch for this. Now you’ve upset everybody at the zoo. Javier the Jaguar has a bone to pick with you.

Bite your tongue, R10. CM has a peanut allergy. BTW, did he go to rehab this year?

R21 = Moosifer and is a sourpuss.

...with herring-breath.

The guy who plays the Christmas Moose passed.

Moosie is making a trial run tonight with Santa. Are you in the Stoneham area?

Look tonight, 12/12/18, at 5:35 pm. He will appear 10° above WNW, to a maximum height of 43°, and will disappear 11° above SSE. He will be visible for about 6 min. You can see him from Boston, too! I promise!

He’ll just look like a jet to the ignorant, fat-fingered, troglodytes out there like R24; and binoculars will help! But you must clap like mad! Start clapping about 5:30. No cheating! I want to hear clapping people!

You might hear sleigh bells over the Christmas Moose’s yakking, but I wouldn’t put money on it.

Moose, Christmas and otherwise, are dealing with a wasting disease. Send your warming mugs and some cheetos.

Clapping will help, R27. At 5:30 tonight. Honestly, it will be easier on you in the long run if you just clap, I promise.

I'll watch while you clap. I'm sure you won't object to video of the event to send along to the Yukon for support.

Cornelius Yukon?

His Master made him inject silicone into his balls. It's not looking too good for the moose.

[quote] His Master made him inject silicone into his balls.

Is this the Moose’s master?

Did you watch? I didn’t hear any clapping nearby, but I clapped and then saw him. I’m so excited! Attached are a couple pics. In the first one, he’s the brightest star in the sky, of course. In the second one, you can actually see his hooves and antlers. He hasn’t shaved them yet because the hair burns off! What a day!

I have a sneaking suspicion that FOCM is Linus Van Pelt.

You think the moose will become a pelt?

I do not, R35.

I look for the Yule Yak in my area. So furry fantastic and cute! Way more dependable and personable than some ugly, cantankerous moose!

Goddammit, moose! Where are the lights? Where is the greenery? Where are the cocktails? If you're gonna be a mascot, you're gonna have to get on board here, buster! We demand a little class around these parts. Get with the program. Do I need to call in the services of the fucking Almiqui? Don't shirk your responsibilities ya wretched quadruped. And remember, no goddamn socks, unless they're argyle and cashmere. Those are acceptable.

Does the Moose go on a fitness regimen prior to Christmas, or is it business as usual?

R37 is getting tube socks for Christmas. Sorry, old boy.

The Christmas Moose tells me he is doing another trial run tonight in Stoneham/Boston at exactly 4:42 pm. Flight plan filed with the FAA this morning is: appearing 10° above WNW, disappearing 10° above SE, max height 84°. Visible for 6 minutes, clapping required.

He would tell you himself, but Muriel has blocked him! Yes, she did! I think the anti-AA troll is on the warpath and behind it all, so posting may be limited for a while. In lieu of flowers, TELL MURIEL TO STOP!

There’s an Alcoholics Anonymous Troll? What have we come to?

R39, no, he enjoys swimming which he does almost year-round in Spot Pond near the zoo. He is also an accomplished ballroom dancer. He’s always been “light in his hooves”, so he can out fly the best of them.

Thank you, Muriel!

Now, who’s watching for the Moose tonight?

Is Christmas Moose related to that alkie Rudolph? We know why his nose is so damn red.

Nope, he’s not, R44.

So are we to assume that the Christmas Mouse is officially dead?

I think you just deadnamed xhir r46.

[quote] R39: Does the Moose go on a fitness regimen prior to Christmas, or is it business as usual

You should read “Ballroom Dancing for Quadrupeds” from Simon & Shuster. It’s actually ghost written by the Christmas Moose. Or read it to your dog or whatever.

Let’s make it perfectly clear. The Mouse and Moose are not affiliated. Capiche?

This shit is embarrassing.

Not embarrassing: trans twinks on prep recite their favorite Golden Girls lines.

Any word on Las the stork who escaped from the Stone Zoo this summer? I asked at the time and was told some of you have an awful feeling Christmas Moose was involved.

Is the Stone Zoo related in any way to the zoo in DL fave “We Bought a Zoo!”?

The Christmas Moose may have helped the fabulous stork escape. I hope he found his silver and gold.

No, R53, they are unrelated.

[quote] I hope he found his silver and gold.

I thought the Moose only liked bitcoin.

I was referring to the stork, referencing the Rudolf show.

Rudolph Guiliani?

Good grief, reindeer!

This thread sounds like the inner mind of a person having a schizophrenic episode.

We welcome you, OP.

The Christmas Moose has been replaced - by US!

The Christmas Moose in in jail for the murder of the Christmas Mouse.

I think I read on another thread there's now a Christmas Porcupine??!!

I don't what they are blathering on about.

The Christmas Moose is the Bitcoin bomber. And, he killed the Mouse.

I thought it was the Boxing Day Capybara after the Boxing Day Vole died a couple of years ago. Is the Boxing Day Tarsier a fraud?

He took a modest villa in Emilia-Romagna and does botanical prints these days.

The Boxing Day Vole, the Boxing Day Tarsier or Christmas Moose r66?

I know for a fact the Hanukkah Honey Badger runs a sweet little B&B in Vermont.

Were or are any of you personally acquainted with either the Vole or the Capybara? If so please tell us about their personalities, their ways of life. Thank you.

All I wanted was a goddamn cup of spiked cocoa, some festive fucking lights and a Christmas tree with tasteful handmade ornaments. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK, MOOSE? You will be replaced by a younger model, much like Melania Trump will be soon. I will start looking into the vole or the capybara. Why can't we have nice things around here? WHY?

Where is the Christmas mouse?

Dead, R70.

Where is the Boxing Day Vole?

“Who’s Killing the Great Mascots of DataLounge?” is the working title of a screenplay that Moosie has been shopping around Hollywood. I did the cover art. Watta you think? Warner’s interested.

A bit off topic - could someone please start a thread with the Christmas office party b/w photo (the one with some of the ladies sitting on the floor)?

Thanks in advance!

[quote] Warner’s interested

For copywrite infringements?

[quote] R69: All I wanted was a goddamn cup of spiked cocoa, some festive fucking lights and a Christmas tree with tasteful handmade ornaments. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK, MOOSE?

OP/R69, I think The Christmas Moose has you down for a raspberry-herring pie and some flipper ointment. I may be able to convince him to give you one of these handcrafted ornaments he makes from silver dollars. All his friends at the zoo with opposable thumb’s are enlisted to work on them all year long so that they have enough at Christmastime. His cleaning lady, Rosy, cries every year when he gives her one.

I don’t want to see it on eBay later, understood?

This guy is dying to get in. He’ll take anything.

I heard it was Argentina. For reasons not to be expressed here.

[quote] he makes from silver dollars

I thought he only used bitcoin?

He’s versatile, R79.

Has the Moose spoken?

Not yet, R81, maybe tomorrow.

He’s asleep right not, leaning against his favorite pine tree with his stuffed Eeyore in his mouth. Aww.

That’s adorable, R82.

Isn't he in gaol, R82? That's what I've heard.

You heard wrong, R84. What are you, a thesaurus?

Is the Xmas Moose fat?

No, R85. I'm sure he's in gaol - maximum security in fact.

Again with the fat-questions. No, he’s not fat. He swims, he dances, and he’s a fultime docent and animal wrangler at the zoo. Have you ever seen a fat moose? No, I don’t think so.

He's not fat because he's in the big house and exists on bread and water. This isn't a fever dream, it's the truth.

You lie, R87, he was over my house earlier tonight and then I drove him to his mother’s. We stoped at the Henny-Penny for a bag of peanuts for her, first. He spent his whole allowance on it. Needless to say, he didn’t have gas money for me, again.

Is the Stone Zoo in violation of child labor laws by employing the Moose or do they get around that by paying him peanuts?

And why is it named the Stone Zoo rather than the Stoneham Zoo?

That was the Diwali Moose, R90.

There really aren’t any native Moose in India, so perhaps you should rebrand it to the Diwali Mongoose?

R92, it’s an interesting coincidence that the Zoo is named after a man named Stone, and is in the town of Stoneham, which is hundreds of years older than Mr. Stone.

Does John Linehan, the head of both the Stone Zoo in Stoneham and Franklin Park Zoo in Boston, say "I'm heading to Stone now" and "I'm heading to Franklin" or does he say "I'm heading to Stoneham now" and "I'm heading to Boston"?

“In 1969, the Stoneham Zoo site was renamed in honor of Walter D. Stone, a former Zoo Director.”

R96, I’m too dumbstruck by how fascinating you are at 11:30 pm on a Friday to even consider answering your question.

Should the Christmas Moose say “hello” here, or create his own thread?

CM needs his own thread.

R96, the entire purpose of having two zoo locations is so Linehan can spend his time at his real job and just tell people at the zoo that he’s at the other zoo location. Nobody’s seen him since Patriots’ Day. He trusts the Christmas Moose to run things.

The Christmas Moose was spotted (no shit - he was there) seated next to Mr. and Mrs. Claus in the first row way over to the left at the Chevalier Theater in Medford Square (10 minutes from the Stone Zoo) tonight.

Darlene shook his hand/hoof at the end of the show.

New Christmas Moose-related thread, but not THE Christmas Moose thread:

He was at a Patti LaBelle concert?

Sometimes I wonder what would happe if my other friends learn that I’m FOCM.

Encore number tonight.

Was the CM as fan of Nancy Wilson?

[quote] the entire purpose of having two zoo locations is so Linehan can spend his time at his real job

What is his real job? Is he Muriel or Claus?

Is the CM a fan of Nancy Wilson?

Happe (Audrey Hepburn) from Steven Spielberg's "Always".

Genocide.

Nikolaj Coster-Waldau or Nicki Minaj - which do you prefer and why?

R103 He may be. Go to Patti's show tonight and check it out. For all I know, he may be doing a personal appearance and photo op at Assembly Row this afternoon if he can get under 93 and swim down el rio Mystico.

I heard he likes the slots, too, so he may be a regular visitor to the new casino in Everett if it ever opens.

Why was the Christmas Moose sitting next to Steven Spielberg at the Golden Globes?

Answer the god-damned questions, you cunting friend of a moose.

He’s become an aficionado of Jazz, and likes to dance to “Salt Peanuts”, the show off. I have trouble keeping up. We’ll try Nancy W. some Friday after the holidays. Thanks for the idea. Does she sing about peanuts, bourbon, or mother?

R113, Spielberg wants the rights to [italic] “Who’s Killing the Great Mascots of DataLounge?” [/italic] They were schmoozing.

R107, I think he’s a clerk at the local Henny-Penny.

[quote] R91: Is the Stone Zoo in violation of child labor laws by employing the Moose or do they get around that by paying him peanuts?

This is all news to me, R91, you shit-stirrer.

The Christmas Moose is currently out of the office. Please leave your message . . .

[quote] “Who’s Killing the Great Mascots of DataLounge?”

Mascot genocide!

Thank you, R119, that was very thoughtful.

You wanted to hear a peep out of the fucker?

Hear you are.

Thank you, R122, I have noted your interest.

The Christmas Moose has said “Merry Christmas” at the link. If someone doesn’t greet him today, he might bawl his way back to Moosejaw. Almost nobody.picksup a hitchhiking Moose these days, too.

OP, please don’t swear at Christmas. Thank you.

Oh, fucking fuck off you cock juggling, doddering old mold covered thundercunt, R124.

Ok, maybe we dial [italic] that [/italic] back a bit!

Waiting...waiting...waiting...

Is R125 the Thanksgiving Otter?

R125 is me OP, ya cunt, R128. Moose, ya goddamned lazy ass layabout, where the shit is the Christmas cheer?I've not seen even a wreath up in this place. I've been interviewing other fucking animals ya know. Pink slip is coming, Moosie. Your days are numbered, lardbutt.

He’s leading Santa’s sleigh right now! Very exciting! Heading for Tampa, now. I hope someone doesn’t shoot him!