Have you ever rejected someone when they asked you out?

No. He’s going to get over it, just like you will. Dwelling on this only undermines your self confidence.

Most DLers are 80+. Nobody is asking these geezers out.

I babbled. It was messy. At one point I started talking myself down, saying I was high maintenance and short-tempered and he would be much better off without me. Whatever you do, don't do what I did.

OP learn to say no and that we're all just blips in the timeline of human existence. You should especially not feel bad about turning down Republicans/Libertarians. They're broken spiritually and their lack of morals/ethics and compassion for others translates into relationships.

Just be light and easy, say you're busy, sorry, thank you and I'll keep your application on file, and if an opportunity comes up I will let you know.

You gotta throw the losers back OP, don't be indiscriminate.

OP, I think you acted very charitably. I won't even speak to Republicans.

be clear without being unnecessarily mean. it does take courage to ask someone out, but going on a pity date does no one a favor. dude thinks he has a chance, you waste a night on someone you don't want to hang out with. there's no rule that requires you to give a reason, so don't.

"i don't think that's a good idea"

"i don't think this would be a good fit"

"i'd rather not"

their ego will take a hit, so just be friendly without expecting them to be on the exact same terms as before for a while. some come around, some don't.

Also: "Thank you, I'm flattered." And leave it at that.

Keep telling him you’re ‘Busy.’ If he won’t take the hint, burst into a spontaneous rocking song about the kind of guy you’re looking for while humping a ladder.

I wouldn't feel that bad about it. Not everyone is compatible. You probably saved both of you an unpleasant time.

Say that you're flattered *but* you're already seeing someone.

It may be a lie but it gets you out of the awkwardness and will hopefully deter further pursuit.

R11 has the foolproof reply. Even if the Repug knows you’re lying, he should get the message.

Btw, there've been lots of articles about Republicans trying to date others and failing spectacularly. They should know they’re stuck dating their own kind. No one else wants them. It’s their own fault.

R12 They're such crybabies over it, too.

Are you really in a position to be rejecting tops at your age, OP?

I've been hurt and I have done the hurt, so I guess it all works out in the end

I'm an extreme example of a particular type - tall - and in my youth would get persistent overtures from guys with a fetish for tall men. You're not doing anyone a favour by going out on a pity date. You're going to be uncomfortable and he's going to be miserable when he realizes that you won't be putting out. Just a polite "no thanks" should do it and don't waver.

I once saw a guy in the pool locker room of a gay hotel ask one person after another out and each turned him down. I was only there for the day so I don't know the history of why they were turning him down.

The fact that he was asking everyone just reeked of desperation

I believe Ms. Manners endorses a refusal along the lines of, “I’m so sorry but I simply can’t.”

If pushed, repeat as necessary. End of discussion. You can use it to refuse party invitations, too!

I was always pretty honest. I would usually just say thanks but I'm not really seeing a match. I never really did much of the asking out back in the day, but I have been turned down a few times. It sucks and is never fun, but you do get over it rather quickly. Glad I'm partnered and don't have to deal with this anymore as much, although I was asked out recently while traveling on business. This time I was just able to say I'm partnered and not on the market. If I had been single, though, I'd have said sorry, not really seeing a match.

Not everyone who asks someone to do something socially is looking at it as a ‘date.’

I find that Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners, has the most socially correct, as well as the kindest, answers in cases like these. Here's her advice:

[quote]The chief way to avoid rudeness when declining is not to give any excuse. She need only say, [bold]“You’re so nice to ask me, but I’m afraid I can’t.”[/bold] If the petitioner’s mother has not taught him the danger, as well as the rudeness, of asking why not, she should say merely, “I’m sorry, but I have other plans.” Even if the other plans are to wait for a more desirable young gentleman to ask.

Having said that, I have a slightly different perspective on OP's practice of saying yes to at least one date, assuming there are no major red flags. I don't see this as a "pity date," as some of you are calling it (and I agree that a pity date would benefit no one). Rather, I see it as giving yourself an opportunity to be pleasantly surprised, and to like someone whom you may not at first have expected to like. Sometimes it takes a bit of time spent with someone for a spark to appear. And, if it doesn't, at least you have gotten out of the house, practiced your social skills, and perhaps even made a friend.

Someone asks to out and you say you're not interested and it's a big dilemma? Have you been raised in the woods like a wolf-child?

I supervised an employee who I rejected and later when I had to discipline him, he went to HR and accused me of sexual harassment. HR told me I should have reported his asking me out to them. WTF

I’m under 30, semi-cute and only been on a handful of dates with men (less than 10). In hindsight I wish I’d politely said no to them all instead of “being nice” and talking myself into them “for practise” or to give the guys a chance. I wasted good makeup and an evening of my time in every case, and in retrospect would rather have been home on my couch like every other night. Jaded, but that’s how I feel.

Yes, technically each “was an experience” but none I’d repeat. I didn’t get anything out of them socially or intellectually or even sexually, and never saw or spoke to the men in question afterward (thanks Gods). I believe it’s good to trust the gut feeling when it comes to dating, and the old “if have to ask, that’s your answer” adage.

I was bored enough to check out of the conversations in 90% of these dates, and iirc the remainder turned awkward or hostile fast over tipping or something trivial one of us said. One memorable incel ditched me for his friends on the other side of the bar midway through a first drink, giving no indication why he just wanted to cut out. Another dude spent hours over dinner synopsising about his military history dissertation and showing off the shiv he always carries. The one guy I actually liked called me “needy” and laughed in my face for asking for his number.

I no longer give any guy the benefit of the doubt or worry about telling him the truth. I don’t exist to coddle men and protect their brittle glass Egos. I’m not too fussed either, as I’m bi enough to prefer women and hate conventional dates either way (it’s better to spend time spontaneously, I feel).

To strangers & acquaintances who ask I just lie spectacularly (if you have to lie make it one too immense to question) that I have a girlfriend with a baby at home, and they back right off (usually like it’s contagious, predictably). No-one I work with or know well has asked me out in the place I’m living, but if in future they do I’ll just say I’m texting other people or have a heavy long-distance relationship going.

I’m aware that if a coworker asks I could get the treatment poor R23 did (where do you work, dude? That’s fucked up).

R24, Dating IS practice. You realize the crap that's out there and what you demand in a partner

Out of curiosity, OP, which gender are you?

[QUOTE]Most DLers are 80+. Nobody is asking these geezers out.

On the flip side, then 80+ year olds should have experience. Read on for you apparently haven't learned. I'm also concerned about your reading comprehension. Have you graduated from college ?

I tell them I am married which I am.

R26, I believe xim identifies as a genderfluid transfeminine enby.

Or are you wondering the OP's sex?