I Want To Be Underwhelmed - Part 2

I think I'm gonna jerk off, try to take a nap, fail at the latter and then drink some coffee.

Gotta do the sheets tomorrow.

If this is the same dye Trump uses, why doesn't Trump look this good?

I made eggs and toast. Pretty good. Peach jam.

My dvd player's broken so I'll have to go to the library to watch dvd on Cecil Beaton.

It was a pretty day today but it's supposed to get colder tomorrow. I might have to wear a scarf.

I have been at my computer all day,

I went into the appointment and it was cloudy. I came out and it was raining hard. No umbrella.

Nabisco put out a bad batch of Pinwheel Cookies, I'd say , oh, about three years ago. The crack of the chocolate coating when your teeth made impact was entirely missing.

I just forked over $4.99 for new package. It's back! - that inexplicably thrilling sound and feel of my teeth achieving a crushing, yet subtle impact as they demolish the chocolate coating.

I'm going to the movies today.

I lost my special Metamucil spoon.

The other underwhelming continued thread is twice as underwhelming as this one.

I would love to know who went to the trouble of doing this. They took trolling to new heights.

The market wasn't as crowded as I thought it would be this morning. I cut a couple farts in the dairy aisle.

I should've worn my better winter boots. I've got a snivel.

I took some books that were up for grabs at my friends’s laundry room in his building thinking I would read them. Ultimately I was like ehh and ended leaving them at the laundry room in my building.

Just did my afternoon walk at the mall. Williams-Sonoma does NOT have the Harrod's-related items in-store that are on their website. I'm royally pissed.

It's Mercury retrograde.

I am so farty tonight I am afraid to go to sleep -- fearing spontaneous combustion.

I cooked some pasta today and drained it.

I like it when an old big tree makes the sidewalk rise and tilt.

I feel like I need to make a #2 but I think I’ll go to sleep and do it tomorrow, this way it will be a firm log.

I Dremeled my toenails this morning. Nothing could be easier. Thanks DL for this tip!

The skin around my right thumb is so dry it cracked open right by the nail. Asked the pharmacy lady what to do and she suggested Lamsil (naturally, it's expensive). I bought some and it seems to help.

Inspired by r14, r19 and possibly r23 I'm attempting a controlled fart out to ease an IBS flare up (whilst singing the 'Nobody Loves Me, Everybody Hates Me' song quietly to myself).

The Lamsil has acid in it, no wonder it stung and didn't help at all. Finally went with Neosporin and my crack's clearing up nicely, so to speak.

These wool socks were a good investment, keeping my feet toasty warm. Thanks LL Bean.

It's so cold at my flat I'm wearing a beanie.

I ate noodles and pretzels for lunch. I'll eat a plum before I head to the gym this evening after work. I hope I don't have to wait too long for a treadmill.

Does anyone know the name of the Christmas Moose TV special? Not the movie, I can’t pay Comcast $18 to see that.

I ate waaayyy too many latkes tonight, and they were not even homemade.

Is vulvular a word? (Of or pertaining to the vulva.)

I thought Henry Winkler (Fonzie) died a few years ago but Google has informed me that he didn't. Now I'm wondering whom I confused him with.

You're doing a lot, R34. You're thinking, you're looking stuff up, and now you're back to thinking again. Calm down.

What did you have for lunch today?

I'm craving salty snacks but have none.

Well, R36, did you get some?

Another film by Clint Eastwood

My IKEA flat pack kitchen was just delivered in 12 small boxes.

I nominate "bespoke" as the word of the year.

I figured out that Cheetos crunchy are possibly better than Cheetos puffs. All this time, I've been eating the puffs. I think I need to switch over to crunchy.

Debating whether to watch the Logo marathon of the ‘Golden Girls’..... That’s about it for today.

R40, sorry but "bespoke" was 2012. Can you try again? No worries if you can't.

R42, I saw an adult Golden Girls calendar in Michael's yesterday. Are you watching?

Meant to say coloring book, not calendar.

R43, West Coast here. I think it just reached Silicon Valley. I heard it this year and looked it up, and then it was everywhere. I probably saw it and thought it was Shakespearian, like "She bespoke to him."

R42 You might want to purchase the coloring book and put it in your "hope" chest for when you have dementia in a nursing home.

[quote]I figured out that Cheetos crunchy are possibly better than Cheetos puffs. All this time, I've been eating the puffs. I think I need to switch over to crunchy.

You end up with orange fingers either way.

Good advice, R47. I'll throw in a box of crayons also.

Silly R46. It's "She be speakin' to him."

R37, no I did not.

Here's an underwhelming tale for you.

One of my best friends of 20 years recently confessed to me that he is bi but has never been with a guy. He wants to have sex with me. We've come close the past few times we've seen each other, just making out, grabbing each other's dicks etc.

He's also married and his wife has become an incredibly good friend. He recently told her he's also into men but she doesn't believe him.

He wants to fuck me eventually. I'm strictly a top but have always wanted to bottom only for someone I love. Alas, love has eluded me at age 39. I do love him as a friend, but I've been IN love with him since I was 19 when we first met in college.

I really, really want to have NSA sex with him. We both don't want to ruin our friendship or his marriage. I mean we've already made out heavily several times. So basically he's already cheated.

I wonder what the new year will bring our relationship. I certainly don't want to be "the other woman" and I don't want to wreck their marriage, although I wish she would divorce him because he's been a pretty shitty husband to her. I don't want to date him or be his lover, I just want the sex.

I'm a horrible person.

Well, that was exhausting. Human desires, human failings and foibles, human excreta, dear god.

Make your bed with nice new sheets, get into bed, close your eyes and think of nothing.

I made a dollar tree shower curtain into a Roman Shade for my mud room/storage room/slave quarters.

I have been throwing bags of cat poo out of a window into a construction site next door. Greedy developers tore down a Queen Anne house from the 1890s and are buidling ugly oerpriced gray condos. That will show them, ha!

I purposely made a lot of noise with my cowboy boots the other day while walking around outside. I intend to drown out the women who wear loud clomping boots.

My cat is meowing and squeaking at me for attention.

I smell marijuana.

I subscribed to receive All liquid laundry detergent for sensitive skin on Amazon.

My boss is a boring dweeb.

My cat will receive a Christmas stocking, even though I am converting to Judaism.

I can no longer sing an E flat above high C.

I sprayed Glade apple cinnamon air freshener in the bathroom an hour ago.

You're very busy, R54. Why are you converting to Judaism?

I am converting because of the hypocrisy of Christians in general, especially after the last election. Plus i've studied the Bible in the original languages, and Rabbi Yeshua is not the Messiah.

I am going back to the Dollar Tree store later to buy greeting cards.

Then I will destroy those who insulted me and my blog.

What type of cards are you buying at the Dollar Store?

Owls are so noisy outside they wake me.

I've just bought my first pair of leather shorts. Looking forward to wearing them at our Christmas party.

You're probably insane, R59. No value judgement though, you're undoubtedly a cool hipster.

R60 - I'll have you know that I look mighty fine in them. I guess you're just jealous because you have flabby thighs.

R61, I'll have you know I wear my flabby thighs with pride. But I have my sanity. Sort of.

I am buying cheap nondenominational holiday cards at the Dollar Tree.

I keep sneezing.

Are you mailing them, R63? Cuz it's getting a little late.

No. I will put them in cheap gifts bags I will also buy at the Dollar Tree while making excessive noise with my footwear. Then I will go home and jerk off.

Why are you making noise with your footwear?

Because I want to. Someone's got to who is not female in the city I live in.

What kind of shoes are you wearing?

Cowboy boots. As often as possible. Boots.

All I can say is I hope you're thin. Because cowboy boots on a hefty guy are not appealing.

I am not thin, I am average, with some muscles. I am not hefty. I am tall. I am booted, hear me roar. And?

My cat bit me today. It hurts.

A peanute just fell on the floor

Followed by a cashew

Do you have Parkinson's, R74/75? Peanut dropping is one of the first signs.

I will drop my cowboy boots on you.

I took an Uber to work. The driver was a lady. She was nice.

Excuse me r52, your issues are too whelming for this thread. Get a blog

I changed the paper towel in the paper towel holder.

The woman down the street gave birth to a living room sofa.

I took a nap this afternoon and dreamed I called an ugly man "Sugar Bear."

I ordered some Gummi Bears from Instacart, but the shopper got me Gummi snakes instead, and I found a Gummi coke in with the snakes.

It’s dead quiet outside. Not one bird calling, no dogs barking, the usual 2 deer aren’t in my back yard. I’ve never “heard” it so quiet before. I have a bird feeder so my neighborhood always has birds, even in winter. The sun is shining and it’s above freezing and usually I’d hear white throated sparrows singing on a day like today. But nothing. I also have a ton of blue jays and they’re quiet too, which is really strange because they’re always complaining about something.

I checked for hawks but don’t see any in the usual hawk haunts.

R83, obviously an approaching tsunami. Grab your snorkel mask and head to higher ground.

I got up, made the bed, took a shower, and read the paper with my morning coffee. I just finished the second cup while reading news and DL on the computer.

Now I shall go downstairs and make breakfast, or should I say brunch (it's 12:35 PM) before I get back to my taxes. I get a discount if I see the accountant early in the year. It's a pain to get the paperwork ready, though. I have to send it in early.

It's been raining hard, I'm happy to be home all day. I am not going out, either. I'm in my sweats, am not going to change.

Don't change a hair for me/Not if you care for me Stay pretty Valentine, stay! Each day is Valentine's Day

I am tired and miserable. I hate winter.

Me too,, R87.

Just ate half a carton of vanilla yogurt.

My stomach hurts. I find I can no longer eat large pieces of beef, eg, a meatball hero or a thick roast beef sandwich. I can handle like one slider now, that’s about it.

I am wearing a pair of women's fleece lined leggings and they feel incredible. Now I understand why women wear them all the time.

Off to work today in frigid weather. I have a bad back, Trump sucks, I need to lose weight. Everything feels like shit.

I had planned to go shopping for a better winter coat but it's too cold to go shopping, minus 12 degrees celsius.

I have to pee but am too comfortable sitting here. My bladder should be okay for awhile.

How's that bladder, R93?

As an avid moviegoer I'm really bummed the Mr. Rogers documentary wasn't nominated. It was one of the best movies of the year and after I saw it I thought wow, this might actually be nominated for Best Picture. Alas.

I made brownies. I baked for the max amt of time but they’re gooey inside. I don’t like gooey brownies. Fuck me & my gooey brownies

I like brownies well done with a good crunch on the ends.

The best brownies are the ones from the four corners of the baking pan, with crunchy edges. And walnuts.

You can get this "Baker's Edge" brownie pan (lots of edges and corners) on Amazon:

It's raining. My eyes itch. Might have to take an allergy pill.

I accidentally took daytime cold medicine with caffeine in it before bed. I slept badly and am quite tired today.

Thank you R99!

Took an allergy pill.

Condolences to R101. I've done the opposite -- took a sleepy pill in the a.m. Sheer horror.

Bought flavored seltzer at the market. Lemon lime.

I think I cut into the brownies too soon after I took them out of the oven. I waited about an hour and 15 minutes. Next time, it’ll be 3 hours.

Making meatloaf with chiles.

Old and feeble people are not taken care of properly and when they die, no one cares.

I can understand ditching Christianity but why go to Jewish? Do you always have to be a religious nut?

The maintenance man I've a crush on at the Center touched me today.

What "Center?"

Finished reading my novel tonight. I'll start a new one tomorrow.

I served avocado on toast to my friends on Dixie brand plates.

Johnsonville Beer Brats are pretty good.

Who are you talking to, r108?

I'm working today.

Who's going to watch the SAG awards tonight?

I am not watching the SAG Awards. I don't have cable. I count on you all to bring me the most interesting results. TIA.

I'm not watching Rent, either. I have never seen it.

Is anyone posting on the SAG Awards thread?

I got tired of only wearing white or black socks, so I bought 3 six-packs of novelty pattern socks.

My cat is almost 15 years old and has recently started limping, favoring her front left paw.

The smoke alarm went off when I showered first thing this morning. It turns out it thought the steam coming from the bathroom was smoke.

I baked a cake and it didn’t rise much and was too dense and moist inside. I put in the right ingredients, followed all the instructions. Did I not beat it long enough with the mixer? It said 34-38 minutes in the oven so I set it for 38 minutes and immediately took it out. Did I overbake? I made the same cake a few months ago and it came out fine.

Today is Wednesday or as I call it, "exfoliation day".

I didn't go outside once today, due to the polar vortex. Wish everyone could be as smart as me.

R120 So where was the smoke coming from? Did your house burn down?

I gave a like to something that I didn't really like on Twitter today. I did it just to be polite. I did a slight eye-roll as I clicked the little heart. I hate myself for being such a phony.

I have more followers on Twitter than people I am following. I am following 51 people and have 57 followers. (Jealous?)

Dan Savage's husband Terry Miller looks awful. He is seriously overdoing the body building thing.

R121, was your baking powder or baking soda old? Did you weigh out your ingredients or use measuring cups?

I became a half-century old as of one hour ago.

Happy birthday, r129.

Thank you R130 :-) I appreciate it.

Possums have a short lifespan. Maybe 2 years on average.

I like lo main better when it’s cold than when it’s hot.

Lo mein

An0maly is a salve for my underwhelming existance.

Damn it! I think my stove is broken! I hate this shit. I’m gonna buy a new house. Seriously, I’ve had it.