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People with "helping" personalities

I work with a guy who prides himself on being a "helper" and "helping" people who work under him become better at their jobs.

Maybe I am a cynic, but the way I see him operate reveals he is mostly a control freak who likes people to be dependent on him. He has no boundaries and his "helping" eventually becomes smothering. When the employee he is working with suddenly shows independence, he gets threatened.

Do you know anyone like this? Do you think "helping" personalities like this thrive on power?

by Anonymousreply 2110/12/2018

Yeah, the guy I work with like this is trying to over-compensate for his lack of chops. Everybody hates him except our boss becuse the guy works 24/7 & is a total loser without a life.

by Anonymousreply 110/11/2018

Some do. It depends on whether it is a (fairly rare) genuine helper, or the more common variety who wrap a narcissistic personality disorder in a blanket of altruism.

I've encountered plenty of the latter, but only one of the former: a ward sister in the hospital where I first practiced as a psychotherapist, and who adopted all the new clinical staff as nieces or nephews. You could see her practically bursting with pride and happiness when she saw one of her fledglings go off into the wide world after completing their internship. Lovely woman, and I still miss her.

by Anonymousreply 210/11/2018

Interesting, r2. My late grandmother was a helper (also served in the Army Nurse Corps in WWII). I consider her one of the genuine helpers. When she passed away some 20 years ago, I couldn't believe the number of people she had helped over the years who contacted our family.

by Anonymousreply 310/11/2018

If he proclaims it publicly, that means he's anything but

by Anonymousreply 410/11/2018

Meant to sign r3 as OP

by Anonymousreply 510/11/2018

R3, that's sweet. When Sister Murphy died in 2001 the church was overflowing with the people she had supported on their way. I'm sure she got something out of it (in fact it is evident that she did), but I'm equally sure her motives were nothing other than good and honest. As I said, lovely woman.

by Anonymousreply 610/11/2018

Personally, I really don't like helping people.

by Anonymousreply 710/11/2018

r7 your syntax is unclear.

by Anonymousreply 810/12/2018

As someone who doesn't possess a single nurturing bone in my body, I'm always amazed that there are people in the world who actually enjoy helping others.

I wonder if there's a correlation between introverts ("Get the fuck away") and extroverts ("Can I be of assistance?") in this sort of thing.

by Anonymousreply 910/12/2018

I love to help others, but all I do is offer my assistance and the other party can choose whether to decline or take advantage of my offer.

by Anonymousreply 1010/12/2018

[quote] Do you know anyone like this? Do you think "helping" personalities like this thrive on power?

Sure, there are people who thrive on making themselves look superior, and everybody else inferior, that way. Usually they are passive agressive douchebags who demand grateful credit for the rest of the day / project meetings.

But there are also genuine helpers and mentors who thrive on watching those, they helped, succeed.

by Anonymousreply 1110/12/2018

My mother is like this. Smothering and an absolute martyr when it comes to her family.

She doesn’t seem to realise that she’s making excuses to get out of having her own life and taking care of herself by running around after my lazy gross father, my demanding crone grandmother, and my finicky closet-case cousins. It’s actually depressing as fuck to watch someone run around like a headless chicken.

by Anonymousreply 1210/12/2018

R11 said "But there are also genuine helpers and mentors who thrive on watching those, they helped, succeed."

I knew someone like this and while I would mostly applaud his efforts, he seemed to operate an a higher moral plane than the rest of us. Let me put it this way: he would not approve of the DL - it would be beneath him.

It also made his occasional deviations from said elevated state all the more obvious, making people think; "Oh, acting just as mean and grubby as the rest of us today? Get back on your pedestal."

by Anonymousreply 1310/12/2018

akin to the dreaded 'rescuers', who get off on being a hero. I completely closed down a friendship with someone who thought I needed rescuing after the death of my long-term partner. He acted as if he owned me, and was always suggesting things I should do, places I should go, etc. to have fun/feel better. He has never been partnered and is ten years younger than me, so WTF? After a year of dealing with both the grief and his intrusiveness, I just told him he seemed to want more of my attention than I could give. He really WAS a smug motherfucker who thought he had it all figured out. Good riddance. Go rescue someone else. Funny thing is, he was really kind of fucked up and needed to take a good, hard look at himself, but he was too busy being a busybody.

by Anonymousreply 1410/12/2018

I think that applies to most "rescuers" r14

by Anonymousreply 1510/12/2018

It's called building a patronage network. It's been a thing for millennia.

by Anonymousreply 1610/12/2018

Professionally, I've encountered a guy who is superficially helpful but it is really an ego stroke for him. If you don't kiss his ring he becomes condescending and high-handed. So eventually you're like "bitch, sit down" even though initially the relationship started with him being helpful.

by Anonymousreply 1710/12/2018

That sounds like the guy I work with r17

by Anonymousreply 1810/12/2018

Generosity is spelled with a very small "g" in this world. It's one of two things. They either want to fuck you, or they're fucking with you. Whenever I come near someone extending a generosity, no matter how benign, I run for the hills. Life is filled with tit for tatters and score keepers. Narcissistic personality is no longer an oddity, it's becoming the norm. How they operate is when they're offering something to you, they're getting double back. That's how they control you and incur accountability. Someone naïve doesn't even realize it's happening. I don't accept presents. I don't accept free bees, and I'm wary of invites. God helps those who help themselves. If I needed assistance that badly, I'd rather pay.

by Anonymousreply 1910/12/2018
by Anonymousreply 2010/12/2018

So r19 you certainly have a dark, cynical view of the world. Unfortunately, I am becoming more aware that we live in a dark, cynical world.

by Anonymousreply 2110/12/2018
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