Let's be the Kennedy Family!

I'm the part of Rosemary's brain that was lobotomized.

I'm Joan Kennedy being forced to attend the funeral of Mary Jo Kopechne.

I'm the snot under Ethel's fingernails.

I'm the linked-arms pose Joe Sr. favors for us!

I am Rose. I am too busy hanging out with priests and bishops and what not to notice my husband is banging Gloria Swanson. Whoops another damn kid just dropped outta me.

I'm Ethel's SORE cooter!

Glug glug glug.*

*translated: "I'm Mary Jo Kopechne."

I'm the plane that Kick Kennedy died in.

I'm the upcoming Rosemary Kennedy biopic starring Elisabeth Moss.

We should start a club r8.

I'm Joe Sr wondering what that fairy friend of Jack's from Harvard is doing hanging out here all the time.

I'm the tree Michael Kennedy skied into.

I am Bobby’s side pussy because you know he was fucking around

I'm the Kennedy men inspecting the merchandise the first time Jack brought Jackie home. She's no Gene Tierney but she'll put out to anyone who is rich so we guess she'll do.

I'm The Knickerbocker Club in NYC who won't admit you because you are (ahem) Catholic.

I'm Mary Pinchot Meyer, JFK's mistress who was mysteriously murdered.

I'm Patrick Schwarzenegger. Do I count or is my bloodline too diluted to be a true Kennedy?

If you die in a plane crash you'll be a Kennedy.

I'm Bronson Pinchot and I'm broke.

The Kennedys...America's royal family.

I'm r20, one of the family's many enabling sycophants.

I'm Bobby Jr. and Chris Lawford's cunnilingus contest! Woo-hoo! PAR-TAY!

I'm Lem Billings Kennedy cockgobbler extrordinare.

I'm a pair of worn L.L. Bean khakis, and I'm not even sure who I belong to anymore. Whatever.

I'm the third member of the plane club.

I'm the tree that Michael Kennedy crashed into.

R26 Sorry, I already said that. R12

I'm GAP Playlist Troll and even I'm creeped out by the OCD afflicted Kennedy Stans on DL. One of them lives secretly in the attic of a house opposite the Kennedy Compound in Hyannis Port, where winters are long. He may not make it through another.

I’m Pat Kennedy Lawford’s double old fashioned glass - never empty (unless I was passed out) from morning till night.

I'm Rosemary. I'm not an herb-- I'm a vegetable.

I'm Joan Kennedy's liquor cabinet. I get emptied fast.

I'm Rose's papal title of countess. I get trotted out all the time when she's in Europe, but am tactfully not used when she's in the US.

I'm uh Caroline Kennedy and uh I'm a stuck up bitch.

I'm the professional face-sharpener employed by the family's women.

Behold, my masterpieces!

I'm John-John's treasure trail heading south on the Kennedy Compound.

I'm Jean Kennedy Smith, the last living sibling!

I am eager to share my skincare secrets with you.

I’m Dr William Kennedy Smith and I’ll be examining you today - now please lay back and put your feet in the stirrups, good girl.

I'm the dark deeds and deals done by Joe Kennedy that led karma to smite (and smite and smite) his spawn.

I'm a bored shitless Jackie, filling up yet another ashtray with Pall Mall butts on the porch at Hyannisport, having to endure watching yet another idiotic touch football game on the lawn.

I'm Rose, going on another shopping spree to the Continent, leaving my children in the nanny's care.

I’m the poor, lowly Kennedy Staff Member ordered to clean all the blood and brain matter out of the Presidential Lincoln Continental limousine once it arrived back at Washington DC from Dallas. And I even used Bon Ami!

I'm the maid that Peter Lawford claimed he heard Ethel call "stupid n*gger" because I tossed some scrap paper with scribbles on it. How's I to knows that the late honorable Senator Kennedy had created them there notes ?

I'm some of the help at the Kennedy compound in Hyannisport. All of us are white because the old man won't have colored help so we're mostly shanty Irish.

I’m someone who knew too much...

I'm Mary Pinchot Meyer, JFK's mistress. My diary mysteriously vanished immediately after I was murdered.

I’m Rose’s half empty bottle of nail polish being returned to the drugstore by a maid. Rose expects a refund.

I'm the Persian carpets at Hickory Hill ruined by Ethel's wildlife menagerie! The maids try to clean us up, but there's only so much you can do after you've been doused time and again in monkey piss and peacock shit.

I'm Joe, Sr.'s big mouth, yapping forth his fascistic admiration and anti-Semitic inclinations. I will make it necessary for him to take a background role during his son's presidential campaign. Fortunately I will be largely stilled by a stroke in 1961, making his sons' political campaigns much easier.

I’m a respected member of Ted Kennedy’s political staff visiting Ethel at her home. I am mesmerised, watching many of Ethel’s very young children, nieces and nephews doing cannonballs out of a second story window as they try to land on the cheap trampoline below. Ethel watches but shows no interest in their antics.

We're the Gargans, always treated like red-headed stepchildren. I mean, we ARE red-headed stepchildren, but still...

I'm the 10th Duke of Devonshire. I think the Kennedy Curse rubbed off on me.

I'm the peach cobbler the family has for desert.

i'm the buck teeth and overused pencil dicks of the Kennedy boys

I'm Ethel's boogers, being tossed onto the Persian rugs at Hickory Hill.

I'm the Howard Johnson's across from the Kennedy compound. Jackie and some of the other girls occasionally stop in for a clam roll, while the boys use our rooms with all the local sluts.

I'm the Warren Commission report and I'm about as believable as Donald Trump's claims of being a self-made man.

I'm old Rose, the only time they change my diaper, is when they roll me out on the porch for special events.

I'm Jackie, with glazed-over eyes, listening to Rose yammer on and on and on about the Catholic Church and a blow-by-blow about what happened at her third Mass of the day. Where is Joan with her flask of whiskey? I need a cig too.

I'm Joe Sr. , That Jackie is one Helllluva BITCH.

I'm the "vitamin" shots given to President Kennedy. I give him lost of energy.

I'm Rose wondering who that trollop Taylor Swift is who was trying to buy one of the houses on the compound.

I'm Rose's church, St, Francis Xavier, on South St. in Hyannis.

I’m the phone booth in which Bobby, er, um fucked Rudy.

I’m the one Joe Jr. should have married...

I'm mourning veils.

I’m Scaasi designs, that don’t get discounted for First Ladies.

I’m Ethel’s worn out pussy after having 11kids.

Expanding on R50's post, I'm Joe Gargan and it's late 1966. I'm waiting/watching in the shadows for Joan Kennedy to pass out drunk somewhere.......anywhere **wink wink**

I'm the Mid Cape roadside swale that Joan keeps driving into.

I’m the rotgut bootleg liquor the family fortune’s built on

I'm Joan's oft refilled cut crystal vodka decanter.

I’m John Johns hot ass and cock.

[quote]I’m Ethel’s worn out pussy after having 11kids.

I'm the tractor-trailer that could've driven through it like the Holland Tunnel.

We're the Hyannisport police, dragging a blacked-out drunk Joan Kennedy from the backseat of another stranger's car, and taking her back home. We'll see her again in a week or two.

^And I'm Joe Gargan again. I'll take it from here, guys! **wink wink**

I'm John F. Kennedy's foreskin that was removed at the age of 21, the official reason being phimosis, but it was probably because it was so riddled with STDs that it was rotting off.

I'm Rose and I hate to admit this but ...... I have a gorgeous new black mourning suit & all the accessories so if God wants to take another of my children, well, at least all eyes will be on me at the cathedral !

ps ... And God, please before hemlines change. I'd just hate to have to spend $$$ on re-altering.

I'm Martha Moxley..

R79

Not so. She was a Skakel family victim. The guilty boy's father Rushton Skakel was Ethel's brother. They are not Kennedys.

I'm Pam Burkely and I JUST WANT TO REMIND all you gals out there who didn't learn by Turd's example at Chappaquiddick that getting into a vehicle with any Kennedy male can lead to disaster.

I'm the Body Beautiful. That was my...whaddya cawl it......

I'm the Cepacol mouthwash in Joan's glass. She tells everybody it's lemonade.

I'm Kathie Lee Gifford, close family friend who had to run off the set of LIve with Regis and Kathie Lee when discussion of JFK Jr's death 'got to ME!'

I'm......

I'm Gloria Swanson, rolling my eyes and chuckling contemptuously as Joe Sr. begs me to bear his child.

just passing by....

I'm a delusional old person, a leftover from the sixties, who still insists that the Kennedy family are America's royalty.

I'm Suzy "Call me Suzy Chapstick" Chaffee, Olympic skier. I was schtuped by Teddy...

I'm the genial host of You Don't Say!

I’m the Kennedy shit they think doesn’t stink but it does.

Omg! I’m R91. I can’t believe I wrote that, but I’m glad I did.

Speaking of Kennedy shit, I'm the water faucet in the bathroom at the main house of the Hyannisport Compound Jackie turns on when she has to go to the bathroom to hide any unpleasant noises she might make. The sisters and Ethel are on to me, and find me hilarious.

Hearing the trickling sound of running water facilitates urination.

I'm the desperate plea for someone to please post the photo of Ethel picking her nose. I have looked everywhere for it to no avail.

We are the various inferior women's colleges (most of us Catholic) that most of the sisters attend. The boys get to go to Harvard, but the girls' education doesn't really matter to their parents since the girls exist only to breed and pray.

However, we are conveniently close to major shopping destinations in NYC and Philadelphia, and we also are useful for providing other heiresses for the girls' brothers to marry.

I'm the lousy $25,000 inheritance that Joe Gargan received from his Aunt Rose. If I had been a larger inheritance Joe would have kept quiet about Chappaquiddick and Senatorial Privilege would have never been published.

I'm the Kennedys' enormous wealth and privilege as they continue to talk about signs of discrimination against Irish Catholics as if it occurred sometime earlier that day instead of a hundred years ago.

I'm Ted Kennedy's 18th glass of whiskey of the day.

I'm CBK's slow decompositioning green Egyptian Musk Oil bought from an African vendor on Manhattan sidewalk in the 90s. I'm kept in the back of Lisa Besette's closet. Stored in a cigar box.

I'm the homicidal suicidal ideation tantrum that finally clicked over the Long Island Sound one summer evening that forced our ashes to be scattered at sea.

R95, see r3

I'm Caroline's daughter Rose Schlossberg. I'm so glad that I got some of my Grandma Jackie's Bouvier looks instead of some of the hideous Kennedy looks.

I'm drooling Joe Kennedy III.

Thanks r102 how disappointing though. I always imagined her going in deep. Oh well.

I'm the rollerblades that JFK Jr. used while shirtless.

I'm Carolyn's sterling silver coke spoon.

I'm the phrase "public service."

I'm entitlement!

I'm Joe Jr., and I was the hottest one of them all. Even before my plane blew up, I mean.

I'm the dominant gene responsible for the monstrous Chiclet teeth that stubbornly keeps getting passed down from generation to generation.

I'm the guidette from the Bronx. Assistant and marital advisor at failing George magazine. I've personally witnessed John's bouts with suicidal ideation on numerous occasions.

Yes! R108. I refer to my time on this earth as "public service". Great gig if you just claim it.

Sorry to break the chain-

but I gotta comment on how nice JFK Jr was to look at it. That was one sexy man.

I’m one of JFK’s pubic hairs...in Lem Billings teeth.

I'm Ann Freeman, regretting everyday that my daughter married into this hubris filled nutty clan.

We're the posted speed limit signs ignored around Hyannis Port. Forced to stare at the pet and wildlife carcasses rotting on the roadside. Crows would use as landing pads to swoop down on the road pizzas at daybreak.

I'm the Jeep that Joe Kennedy II flipped.

Grass stains on clothing after family flag football matches on the backyard would later press me into service. Household staff would simply "Shout it out!"

Hey there! I'm the sturdy rafter in the back barn converted to artist studio that Mary had full trust in.

The midatlantic loaner horse that threw Jackie using dead stop technique because of my allergies to her saturation of tar and nicotine

I'm a Boiler Room girl who partied at Chappaquiddick and I helped in the cover-up.

R111 Holy fucking shit! Are they in direct relation to the Windsors? You have all of that money and refuse to get your teeth sorted? I don't get that at all.

[quote][R111] Holy fucking shit! Are they in direct relation to the Windsors? You have all of that money and refuse to get your teeth sorted? I don't get that at all.

There's nothing physically wrong with their teeth that would necessitate dental work (like overbite, crookedness). It's just that their teeth are so plastic-looking that they look like they're wearing oversized dentures or had overdone it on the veneers. It's like their version of the Hapsburg chin. As soon as you see those choppers on anyone, 99% of the time it's a Kennedy.

Case in point about infamous "Kennedy teeth" (Maria Shriver and family).

I think the 'teeth situation' is exacerbated by a lack of an upper lip.

I'm a Shar-Pei. I'm often mistaken for a Kennedy woman.

I'm the Oldsmobile in the water at Chappaquiddick.

Out of all the Kennedy grandchild Rory is the most hideous one. Even Princess Caroline of Camelot isn't that horrible looking. Caroline's other daughter is ugly and so is the son.

Jack Schlossberg is HOT!

I'm Cheryl Hines Kennedy.

I'm Jack Schlossberg's hideous nose.

I'm Jack Schlossberg's middle name, so you don't just think he's some run-of-the-mill Jew.

Let's be the Bush Family and see if OP still has a sense of humor!

I'm Ted Kennedy Jr's amputated leg.

I’m David the druggie that no one remembers cause I od’d 34 years ago

I'm Patches Kennedy's gay voice.

I'm Rachel Ward and I definitely remember David Kennedy.

Re: the teeth. Linda Wachner has really long teeth, too. So do I.

I grew up a southern WASP and everyone looked down their noses at the Kennedys. I used to think it was just because they are Catholic but I think it's more than that. That said I think most people felt the pain of the multi-generational losses they have had over the years.

I’m the notion that we’re “lace-curtain Irish” but I’m incorrect.

Shanty Irish

I'm the middle aged drunk chauffeur dressed in drag from head to toe for some odd reason.....I purposely like to rile Rose while we're driving back and forth from Hyannis to Boston by saying "Well, here we are gain on your father's highway, Mrs. Kennedy." - "FRAAAAAANK! This is NOT my Fahthuh's HIGHWAAAAY!!!!" (the John Fitzgerald Expressway)

I'm Conor Kennedy's mugshot after his arrest for defending a gay friend.

I'm the unpaid bills that members of the family leave in their wake because the "common folk" are supposed to be thrilled to serve a Kennedy.

I'm all of the girls and women that Kennedy boys and men have sexually assaulted. We could fill a stadium.

I'm Rose's attitude with the help. "Henceforth, you will always use the back door!"

I'm Louis B. Mayer’s former beach house, later bought by the Lawfords.

I have 13 bathrooms, and was built in 6 weeks by studio electricians, artisans and carpenters working round the clock by floodlights.

Anyone who make a fun of America's royal family deserves to die a very long and painful death!

I'm Judy Garland, aka "That woman who thinks she can just barge in where ever she wants" to Jackie. I casually saunter over to the JFK house's back deck to chat with Jackie as she paints. I approach her with good cheer asking "Whatcha painting?" only to be rebuffed with "You can watch if you like, but no one talks to me while I paint!" Taken aback by her rude snobbery, I hightail it outa there quick while downing the rest of my drink. I'm further humiliated as Jackie shouts after me "NEXT TIME, MISS GARLAND, PLEASE CALL FIRST!"

I'm Jackie's dried up, crabby cunt....probably injected with syphilis yearly by darling hubby.

And to be fair, Jackie was smarting with Garland on two justifiable counts: 1) she felt Garland was spending too much time with JFK, and 2) Judy's prior drunken and therefore belligerent tirade against a favored compound emlpoyee

Jackie was often a bitch...

but Ethel was ALWAYS A CUNT!

I'm Jackie's rack of Lily Pulitzer shift dresses, for her days off. (Each purchased via a blowjob to Joe Sr., who foots the clothing bills.)

I'm Mary Richardson Kennedy's second grave. I'm 700 feet from my first grave that was deemed too close to the "real family".

To R150, R152

I've never heard those stories about Garland and Jackie.

Are those stories for real?

Source, please!

Two clips from separate Jackie interviews back in the day reveal who she was - and I was struck by both of them, one while JFK was seeking the VICE presidential nomination in 1956 and the other shortly before he became President in 1960. In the first, the interviewer was never shown and his question was not asked. It's just a clip of Jackie stating very unapologetically and equally forthright "Well, if he (JFK) liked being the vice presidential nominee, then I liked being his wife." Haha Hey, you gotta give it to her for being bluntly honest. That chick knew where she was wanting to go through her marriage, and the money was only part of it.

Now, in the second clip, again it occurred right before he won the presidency, she's asked "And your in love with him (JFK) aren't you?" I'll allow that she was embarrassed by the question, but she still laughed, looked away, and said "Noooooo." Uncomfortable silence for several seconds between she and the interviewer. She breaks the silence by stating "I said "no," didn't I? She laughs again at her faux pas. So the interviewer asks her again "And you ARE pretty much in love with him?" She blinks her eyes once with an accompanying singular nod of the head and concedes "I suppose so."

I like Jackie. I like Jackie a whole lot! Hahahaha

Whaaaa? Uuuuuuh. Bleeeeee. Uh duh unstan.

I'm Rosemary's maybe.

This shit here beginning at 01:38, though it's not in it's entirety as I described above.

I'm openly gay Rep. David Cicilline (D-RI), college buddy of JFK Jr. Do you think I got some of that?

^ YEP!

I’m JFK Jr, wondering if the rumors about my paternity might actually be true.

[quote] JFK was seeking the VICE presidential nomination in 1956

If memory serves, Jackie was pregnant at this time and later miscarried.

After JFK did not get the VP nomination, while she was in the hospital after her miscarriage, JFK was off yachting with friends in Europe.

He didn't come home.

[quote]Glug glug glug.* *translated: "I'm Mary Jo Kopechne."

Glug glug glug.*

*translated: "I'm Ted Kennedy's wife."

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

....

I'm the unwary houseguests Joe Sr. regularly raped at 3:00 a.m.

I'm Daryl Hannah and I just feel lucky to be alive.

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