Really Inappropriate Jokes

Actually, there's a longer version, with the follow-on: "No fetus can beat us."

What's a South Carolina virgin?

A 10-year-old that can run fast.

Mortuary: You stab em, we slab em.

How are Bill Cosby and Santa Clause similar?

They both come when you are asleep.

What do you call four gay men named Bob?

Oral Roberts

How do know Christa McAuliffe had dandruff?

They found her Head and Shoulders on the beach.

LMAO

How can you tell if your mum's having her period? You can taste the blood off your brother's cock.

::: **ring, ring ** :::

"Incontinence hotline. Please hold."

kid: "Daddy Daddy, what's a pedophile?"

father: "Shut up kid and keep sucking"

How did Muhammad get circumcised?

He punched Aisha in the back of the head

What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a four year old?

Eric Clapton wouldn't drop a bag of cocaine out the window.

Q. What would Princess Diana be doing if she were alive today?

A: Clawing at the inside of her coffin!

Why didn't they let Michael Jackson ever attend the Kentucky Derby?

He wanted to ride all the three-year-olds himself!

How was Michael Jackson like Walmart?

They both had little boys underpants half off.

What’s black and comes in little cans? Michael Jackson (Granted I heard this joke when he was still black)

From David Sedaris : How are fags like tumbleweeds ? They blow and blow and blow and eventually end up stuck to a fence post in Laramie.

I had much higher hopes for this thread!

What do you call a flight full of gay men with AIDS going between Houston and Dallas?

Sick fags over Texas.

How do you get a fag to fuck his granny?

You take a dump in her cunt.

A man comes home to find his girlfriend on the stoop with her suitcases. "What the hell's going on here?"

"I'm leaving. I heard you're a pedophile."

"What, I . . . wait a minute, that's an awfully big word for a 10 year old."

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side.

The cops told the two priests, "We're looking for a couple of pedophiles."

The priests looked at each other and said, "We'll do it!"

How do you get four gay men to sit on one barstool?

Turn it upside down.

How do know which guy gets fucked by an elephant? He’s the one who sits on a barstool and sinks to ground.

What colour were Christa McAuliffe's eyes?

Blue.

One blew left and one blew right.

No no no, R6, it's Dodi Al Fayed who had dandruff, since they found his Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.

[quote]Mortuary: You stab em, we slab em.

God, I used to know a ton of these rhymes:

Steak house: You kill 'em, we grill 'em

Taxidermy: You snuff 'em, we stuff 'em

... Crap, I can't remember any more! >:(

R21 That sounds like a Jimmy Carr joke. Another one of his goes as follows:

I'm sexting this young girl on the internet. It turns out she's an undercover cop. Can you imagine ? Only 15 and already a police officer.

A guy is fucking his girlfriend and she gets upset when she starts to bleed.

"Oh, don't worry about it. In a few years, you'll start bleeding every month!"

These are funny

A guy comes home from work and finds his girlfriend with all her belongings packed and getting ready to leave.

"Honey, what's the matter? Why are you leaving?"

"I heard that you're a pedophile!"

"Wait, what... Hey, that's an awfully big word for a 10 year old."

How many fags does it take to screw in a light bulb ? 5 . One to screw it in and four to scream "Fabulous" !

A man and a little boy are walking into the woods holding hands. Eventually everything becomes silent and dark. The little boy says "I don't like this. This is scary."

"Well think about me" the man replies. "I've got to walk back by myself!"

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? ANS. #1: a pizza doesn't scream when you shove it in the oven; ANS #2: a Jew has more dough

How many jews can you fit in a volkswagen ? 54,2 in the front,2 in the back, and 50 in the ashtray.

A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school... Teacher: "Whats your name?" Boy: "Nadir" Teacher: "No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today." Boy went home and his mother asked: "How was the day Nadir?" Boy: "I am an American now, so call me Johnny." Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up. Next day he was back to school all bruised... Teacher: "What happened Johnny?" Boy: "Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists."

What's the difference between a black and a white fairytale? White begins, "once upon a time," black begins, "y'all motherfuckers ain't gonna believe dis shit!"

In Greek mythology, what do you call a horse with wings? A: Pegasus.

What do you call a dog with wings? A: Linda McCartney.

Tyrone' s 1st day in the first grade he comes home crying. When his mother ask why he replays. "The teacher told us to say our abc' s and all the little white boys could say them and I could only get to e why is that." Mom says "cause u black and they white." Next day Tyrone is crying again . "What's wrong today Tyrone" his mother ask. Tyrone said "teacher told us to count to 100 and all the little white boys did but I could only get to 10 why is that." Mom says "cause u black and they white." Next day he comes home smiling. "What happened today Tyrone?" Tyrone says mama "we went to the bathroom and my thing was biggest of all . Is that cause I'm black and they white." Mama says "no Tyrone it's cause u 17 and they 6

How does a black woman know when she's pregnant? When she pulls out her tampon all the cotton is picked off

My senile self cant remember the first part of this joke --- second half is - what do you tell a woman with 2 broken arms? Nothing - you told her twice already.

In keeping with the Challenger disaster theme R26

.They thought they may have found the remains of one of the astronauts, turns out it was just a water hose off a "57 Chevy"

Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden of Eden. Ever had her first monthly. She went down to the Sea to cleanse herself. The voice of GOD CAME OVER THE HEAVENS. "EVE, NOW YOU'VE REALLY DONE IT. I'LL NEVER GET THE SMELL OFF THESE FISH."

Not sure if this is a joke or just really sad.But the beautiful,handsome did I mention beautiful hot dr. was on as a correspondent to talk about why sexual survivors lose certain memories of the act.Then the bastard says “Oh god I forgot what I was going to say”wish someone could find it and link it.Sorry about that.

r42 That's the whole joke, just replace broken arms with black eyes.

A doctor to his patient : "I have two pieces of bad news for you. You have Alzheimers and you have Aids." The patient replies: "Well at least I don't have Aids."

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Have the alter boy shit in her cunt.

Little Johnny had been blind since birth. One night, his mom said to him "tomorrow is a very special day. If you pray extra hard, you'll be able to see in the morning." The next morning, Johnny woke up and screamed. His mom came running and asked what was wrong "I still can't see!" "I know," his mother said, "April Fools!"

Did you hear about the two queer judges who tried each other?

What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an octopus?

I don’t know either, but it sure can pick lettuce!

What's the best part of fucking an infant? Hearing the spine crack.

What were Christa McAuliffe's last words?

"Hey, what does this button do?"

Leon goes into the doctor's office for an important exam.

He comes out all pimped out with a suit, a big hat and a walking cane with a diamond handle.

Leon: "Today's the bess day of my life. Da doctor says I's impotent"!

Know how to get four gay guys to sit down in a bar? Turn a stool upside down.

What was the last thing going through Princess Di's mind?

The radiator.

Dr. Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it he just couldn't. The guilt was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he would hear in internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. Just let It go Dave."

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering: "Dave... Daaaave... you're a veterinarian you sick bastard!"

Did you hear about the two gay Irish guys? Mike Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald.

Did you hear Christa Mcauliff got fired?

Yeah, it was for blowing up in front of her students

What face does a baby make in a microwave?

I don't know, I close my eyes when I jerk off.

Uhhhh r58 that would be Mikes homo brother Gerald Fitzpatrick in order for the joke to have its full impact

Sick fucks

Where does Pan Am take you n your holidays?

All over Scotland.

Why did they boil water when a baby was being born?

To make soup if it was dead.

What does AIDS srand for?

Arse Injected Death Syndrome

GAY stands for Got AIDS Yet?

Poor Anne Frank. Not only did she have her diary published for the world to read which is a teenage girl's worst nightmare, but she also didn't make any money from it which is a Jew's worst nightmare.

Shortly after 9/11 a woman who had to travel on American for business was asked by her colleague if she was nervous, she replied "No, not at all; the service has improved, I hear they fly you straight to the office now."

R64 I am stealing your joke, just as soon as I finish laughing. I can’t wait to tell it to my husband!

R69 You are welcome. These jokes are appalling but there is humour to be found in any situation.

A vampire walks into a bar, 'pint of blood landlord' he says. The barman gives him his order. A second vampire walks into the bar, 'pint of your finest blood please' he says. Again, the barman pours his order. A third vampire walks into the bar and says 'a mug of hot water please barman'. The barman looks puzzled at the vampire, and asks- 'why the f*** do you want hot water for?' The vampire answered- 'i found a used tampon and i'm making tea'.

What do nuns do in a cucumber patch?

Push-ups

Two nuns were accosted by two men and dragged off into the bushes. One nun is heard saying, "Bless him lord , for he knows not what he doeth". The other says, "Mine does!".

Two nuns were riding their bikes along a cobblestone road on their way to the market. One nun said, "Oh dear, I've never come this way before!" The other nun replied, "Me either! It must be the cobbles.

What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs who gives good head? Partially disabled.

What's bedtime at Michael Jackson's house?

When the big hand touches the little hand

hear about the blind man who bled to death trying to read a cheese grater.

A ten year old girl was walking down the hall when she hears loud moaning coming from her sister's bedroom. She peeks in and sees her sister running her hands all over body, saying "Oh God, I need a man". A week later the same girl is walking down the hall and hears loud moaning from her sister's room. This time she peeks in and sees a naked man in bed with her sister. Quick as a wink, she runs to her bedroom, closes the door, shucks off all her clothes, and starts rubbing herself, saying. "Oh God, I need a bicycle".

Little Jonny was walking down the hall when he heard loud moaning from his parents' bedroom. He peeked in and wow, his dad naked and really pounding on his mom. His dad looked over, saw lil' Jonny, and froze. Then he sheepishly smiled and gave Jonny a thumb's up sign.

A week passes by, and his dad is walking down the hall, when he hears loud noises coming from lil' Jonny's room. He peeks in and sees Jonny just pounding his grandmother in bed. The dad is horrified and flings open the door. "Jonny, what the hell are you doing?"

Jonny says, "It ain't so funny when it's YOUR ma, is it?"

Why did Challenger really explode?

Christa McAuliffe asked for a light, but she didn't say Bud.

How does an Iraqi mother know that her son is having sex?

The daughter starts to complain that her dad's dick tastes like shit.

Two nuns were driving along the highway when suddenly a vampire alighted on the roof of their car. One nun said to the other, "Show him your cross, Sister; show him your cross." So the first nun leaned out the window and shouted, "Hey you! Fuck off!"

"Only real men can drive taxis in Rome. They use their right hand to work the gear shift and their left hand to wave at all the pretty girls."

"How do they steer the wheel then?"

"Like I said, only real men can drive taxis in Rome."

Why do Jews have big noses? Because the air Is free.

So there's no moderator on dl? I'm new here.

Mommy! mommy! I can't stop running in circles!

Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.

What green and red and travels 40 miles per hour? A frog in a blender.

How did Helen Keller burn the right side of her face? She answered the iron.

How did she burn the left side? They called back.

R58, did you hear of their Scottish neighbours, Ben Doon and Phil McAvity?

No, R158, but I did hear of Ben Dover and his sister Eileen Dover.

Whoops, R89 is meant for R 88.

Did you hear about the new Harlem branch of Toys-R-Us? It's called We-Be-Toys.

My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

Most black 15 year-olds in this country are decent, law abiding citizens. It's their kids who cause all the trouble.

What's the difference between cancer and Black people? Cancer got Jobs

What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong

There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's the matter?" The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend." The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey. The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?" The man says, "I found out that my son is gay." The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey. Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?" The man looks up and says, "Apparently my wife does."

Why do Jews watch porn backwards? Because their favorite part is when the hooker gives the money back

Failed my biology test today: They asked, "What is commonly found in cells?" Apparently "black people" wasn't the correct answer

Kids: Mrs Smith, can Billy come out to play? Mrs Smith: Boys, you know Billyhas no arms or legs. Kids: Oh That's OK. We just want to use him as first base

Why did the Black guy wear a tuxedo to his vasectomy?

If you wants to look impotent, you gots to look impotent!

How many Gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one, and then a whole emergency room to remove it.

Damn, should be

If you want to BE impotent, you gots to LOOK impotent.

Why do brides always smile on their wedding day?

No more blowjobs!

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

Why did the pervert cross the road? His dick was stuck in the chicken.

What do you do if your boyfriend smokes during sex?

Slow down or use more lube.

What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the ther? Eileen.

What do you call a Japanese girl with one leg shorter than the other? Irene.

Why does Helen Keller only use one hand to masturbate? She moans with the other one.

Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?

You would too if your name was Aiiiyurooogh.

Guy walks into a bar asks for six shots of whiskey, "All six at once, just line them up."

Bartender says, "What's the occasion?"

Guy says "I just had my first blowjob."

Bartender says. "Congratulations, let me buy you one too."

Guy says, "Thanks, but no thanks. If six won't kill the taste, a seventh won't help."

How do you identify the Irish abortionist? He's the one with the ferret.

Why is there so little Puerto Rican literature? Because spray paint wasn’t invented until 1949

What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire? Drowns

Two condoms are standing in front of a gay bar. One condom says to the other, "Let's Go In and Get Shit-faced."

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a poodle? A dead poodle with an 18 inch wide asshole

A man and a beautiful little girl were walking late at night next to a high school field when they heard from weird rumbling noises coming from behind some trees. "Hey mister, I'm really scared," said the little girl. The man replied, "Hey, quit your bitchin. I'm the one who has to walk home alone later."

How did Helen Keller burn the right side of her face ?

She answered the waffle iron.

How did she burn the left side of her face ?

They called back.

What do gay guys call an upside down chair? A table for four.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her ?

They rearranged the first floor.

Q: How can you tell if your roommate is gay?

A: His dick tastes like shit.

Why did the bottom of Helen Keller dress always have a huge yellow stain on it ?

Her dog was blind too.

What do you call a black woman who has had a dozen abortions? A crime fighter

How did the Grand Canyon get there? Two Jews dropped a quarter down a gopher hole

How can you tell when a jewish woman is nearing climax ?

She drops her emory board

R116 No she burned her finger as she was reading the waffle iron, as in Braille!

r116 and r117 meet r87

r55 meet r24

r48 meet r20

or you have dementia or are just a retard with assburgers

Did you hear about the Taliban members that they found in Harlem? They caught Bin Stealin’, Bin Rapin’ and Bin’ Bangin’. However, Bin Workin’ is still at large.

What's the worst part about having AIDS?

Trying to convince your parents your'e Haitian. (It was funnier in the '80s.)

A heterosexual male is sitting in a bar looking downcast and drinking heavily. Finally a woman approaches him and says, "you seem upset. Would you like to talk about it? Maybe I can help."

So the man answers, "My girlfriend just broke up with me. She says I'm too kinky."

"What a coincidence," says the woman, " my ex-boyfriend said the same thing about me! Wanna come back to my place?"

So they go back to her place and she says, "wait here while I change into something more appropriate." And off she goes to change into her bustier with nipple clamps and her leather crotchless panties, and grabs a dildo and handcuffs.

"Okay! I'm ready!" She says as she returns. "Well thanks for a great night, I'm done , see ya!" says the man. "Fucked your cat and took a dump in your purse."

My girlfriend begged me to give her six inches and make it hurt.

So I fucked her twice then I slapped her.

Why do Jewish women use gold diaphragms?

Because their husbands like coming into money.

[quote] What green and red and travels 40 miles per hour? A frog in a blender.

What's black and yellow and travels 40 miles an hour? The same frog, two weeks later.

What did the little black kid down the block get for Christmas?

MY bike.

What's the quickest way for fire fighters to get a black guy out of a tree ?

Cut the stupid rope, what else ?

Have you heard about McDonald's new "Michael Jackson" burger? It's 10 year old meat stuck inside 50 year old buns.

Why do farts smell?

So that deaf people can appreciate them.

A dirty old man drove his white van to the park. He sees a 6 year old blonde girl playing by herself and walks up to her clutching his trench coat.

Pulling out a big bag of candy, he says to her, “Hey little girl, if you get into my van and give me a little kiss on the tip of my special place, I’ll give you a pice of this yummy candy!”

And the little girl drops her jump rope and says “Gee whiz Mister, if I swallow your load will you give me the whole bag??”

Some of these are incredibly old, guys, but some are fucking brilliant! Keep em coming.

Why don't Vassar girls like gang bangs?

Too many thank-you notes to write.

What's the best part about showering with a 12 year old? You can slick her hair back and pretend that she's 8.

What's the best thing about showering with twenty eight year olds? There are 20 of them.

What do you call a fag in a wheelchair?

Rolaids.

What's green and smells like ham?

Kermit's finger.

So a gay guy walks into a bar and asks for something fruity and the bartender says "We only have beer or whiskey" so the gay man says "okay ill have a beer" A minute later another man walks up to the gay guy and says "we don't like your kind here" and the gay man says "What do you mean you don't like my kind here?" the other man says "We don't like faggots here you need to leave" so the gay man says "Okay ill leave if you can beat me in a game of football" The other man says "Okay ill play you in a game of football" and the gay man says "But its my kind of football" and the other man agrees "So what are the rules?" "The rules are you have to chug a beer, pull down your pants and fart, the fart counts as an extra point" So the man agrees. First up, the gay man chugs the beer pulls down his pants and farts "Woohoo 8 points for me!" Its the other man's turn. He chugs the beer, pulls down his pants and the gay man comes up behind him and says "Block that kick! Block that kick!"

Ma Huckabee: Sarah, your father and I will be attending church services later, after your brothers shoot some dogs for tonight's supper. I expect you to be a big girl and go to church alone. Here is two dollars in quarters to put in the collection plate, and you make sure that's where it goes. I'll be checking up on you.

Little Sarah Huckabee: okay Momma. I'm a big girl.

------- LATER--------

Little Sarah Huckabee: hi Momma, I'm back. Want some candy?

Ma Huckabee: Demon child, I oughta whop you! I gave you that money for the collection basket IN GOD'S HOUSE!

Little Sarah Huckabee: but Momma, I gave all that money to Jesus and God, but on my way home some nice boys said they would give me FIVE DOLLARS to climb the telephone pole, so I did.

Ma Huckabee: you silly stupid fat little girl. Those boys saw you wearing a dress and wanted to look at your underpants. I hope they were clean.

Little Sarah Huckabee: ha ha! I fooled them! I didn't wear any!

Father heard the children scream,

So he threw them in the stream,

Saying as he drowned the third,

"Children should be seen, not heard."

Little Willie from his mirror

Licked the mercury all off,

Thinking, in his childish error,

It would cure his whooping-cough.

At the funeral, Willie’s mother

Smartly said to Mrs. Brown,

“'Twas a chilly day for William

When the mercury went down.”

Mommy, mommy! I don't want to go to Europe!

Shut up and keep swimming!

When Nixon went to China, he asked Chairman Mao, 'How often do you have elections?' Mao replied, 'Evely day.'

Since we're turning historical how about this one:

Well Mrs. Lincoln, apart from that, how was the play ?

Hitler visited a concentration camp and saw a little girl. He asked, "How old are you?". She replied, "I'll be 9 tomorrow.". Hitler replied, "Uh, no you're not."

Why didn't Helen Keller wear underwear?

So you could read her lips.

What is foreplay in Australia? "Are you awake luv?"

What is foreplay in Tasmania? "Are you awake mum?"

A guy walks into a sex shop to buy an inflatable sex doll. The seller asks "What religion would you prefer? Christian of Muslim?. The customer asks 'What difference does it make?' The seller replies "Well, the Muslin one blows itself up!"

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you've already told her twice!

R152, in NZ the version of that joke goes like this:

"What is Maori foreplay?" "Hey, wake up!"

Another NZ joke..

A Maori was walking along a beach one day and he came across a brass lamp. He took it home and decided to polish it. Suddenly a genie appeared and said, "I am the genie of the lamp. I will grant you two wishes."

The Maori replied, "I have been oppressed and discriminated against all my life. I would like to be a Pakeha (white)." The genie said, "Your wish is my command." And pouf, he was now a Pakeha.

The genie asked, "And what is your second wish?"

The Maori replied, "I would like a life of ease, where everything is provided for me and I never have to work a day in my life." The genie said, "Your wish is my command." And pouf, he was once again a Maori.

An Australian Joke: What do you call an aborigine driving a car? A thief.

Another appalling Australian joke: Why do they hang up rotting meat at an aboriginal wedding? To keep the flies off the bride.

What's the worst thing about eating your grandmother's pussy?

Hitting your head on the lid of the coffin.

What did Michael Jackson and pimples have in common?

They both came all over your face at age twelve.

What did Woody Allen say to Michael Jackson? I'll give you two 5s for a 10.

A Woody Allen joke: "If I'd been born in Poland I'd be a lamp shade now."

Q. -- How do you tell a Polish cheerleader at a basketball game?

A. -- She's the one who sticks to the floor when they do their splits.

What do you get when you cross a Chinese with a Puerto Rican?

A car thief that can't drive.

Why don't Puerto Ricans use checking accounts?

Too hard to spray your name on that little bitty line.

I freed who?

What Abraham Lincoln said after a three day drunk

A black man with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar. The bartender said, "Wow, that is sooo cool. Where can I get one of those?"

"Oh, there are millions of them running around Africa", replied the parrot.

I’m slow, can someone please explain r105?

R153 Wins this thread!

Smokes as in the friction of sex creates smoke (like starting a fire with sticks - Boy Scout style) R169.

Oic, thanks r171.

r169 It's an offshoot of this classic:

"Do you smoke after sex?"

"I don't know -- I've never looked."

I was getting hot and heavy in the car with my girlfriend when she moaned, "Oh, baby -- kiss me where it smells."

So I drove her to New Jersey.

What does a cheerleader put behind her ears to make her irresistible to me?

Her knees

A priest, a lawyer and 50 kids are at sea in a boat when it begins to sink. The lawyer grabs the only life-jackets, puts his on and tosses the other to the priest. "Use that" he says. "What about the kids? " asks the priest. "Fuck the kids" answers the lawyer. "Have we got time?" asksthe priest.

Two lawyers are shipwrecked on a desert island. One day they see a beautiful mermaid swimming by.

"Hey, let's catch her and fuck her!" says the first lawyer.

The second one says, "Out of what?"

What is the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

A lawyer takes off his wingtips at night.

Two very historic British jokes:

Q. What's got four legs and goes woof? A. Piper Alpha.

Q. Whats the fastest thing on the planet? A. Cambodian with a luncheon voucher.

How does Webster's define "confusion?"

Father's Day in Harlem.

Ha R158! That's a Polish joke in the US-- why do they put out a plate of shit at a Polish wedding? To keep the flies off the bride.

What's a Jewish American Princess's favorite wine?

"Daddy! I want to go to Florida!"

How does a Jewish American Princess call her kids for dinner?

"Zach! Carly! Get in the car!"

Leroy and Tyrone are working as garbage collectors at The Palms at Boca Del Rio, Phase 4. It's a windy day, so Leroy lays on top of the truck to stop the garbage from blowing away.

They drive past Building 13 where Rhoda Schwartz and her crew are playing mah jongg on her patio.

Rhoda looks down, see the truck and turns to her friend Sylvia.

"Will you look at that! Somebody threw out a perfectly good schvartzeh!"

DeWayne is visiting his cousin DeShawn in Brooklyn when they spot two Hasidic rabbis walking across the street.

"What up with dem guys?" DeWayne asks. "Why dey dress like dat? What you calls dem?"

"Hasidim," DeShawn tells him.

"Ha see dem too!" DeWayne replies. "But what are dey?"

How do we know that Jesus was Jewish?

He went into his father's business

He lived at home until he was 33

And his mother thought he was G-d.

I wonder if R183 was thinking of this joke:

Q: What do Jewish American princesses make for dinner?

A: Reservations.

I'm Jewish and have been enjoying most of the jokes here except the Holocaust themed few. What does one call a basement FULL of Jewish women? A whine cellar!

Why did the Jew stop eating his wife? Someone called her a pig.

What did Dodi say to Saint Peter at Heaven's gates? I said I wanted to fuck Di in the tunnel, not die in the fucking tunnel!

Why didn't the priest take the altar boy in the rectory ? He only did oral.

How do you get a nun pregnant?

A. Fuck her!

A priest was saying confession when he was stricken with intestinal flu. He leaned out of the confessional and flagged down the janitor. He said, "Mike, I'm in dire straits, you're going to have to finish saying confession for me". Mike says, "I don't know what to do" . The priest says, "look, people will tell you their sins, and there's a sheet of paper inside that will tell you what their penance should be according to their sin". With that, he runs as fast he can down the aisle towards the nearest bathroom. Mike goes in. A guy comes in, slides the little door and says, "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. These are my sins. I had oral sex twice". Mike is looking down the sheet and doesn't see oral sex. Without thinking, he leans out of the confessional and asks the altar boy walking by. "Say, Johnny, do you know what Father Murphy give for oral sex". Johnny says, "I don't know about the other boys, but he gives me a Snickers bar".

I heard a better rendition of your joke R193. Rabbi Goldberg fills in for Fr. Fitzgerald.... Fr. Fitz gives [italic] two [/italic] candy bars and a coke for blow jobs!

What do you call a black man wearing a three piece suit?

The defendant.

Want to thank R82

I’ve told that joke repeatedly this week and it has always gotten a good laugh.

I find it strangely wholesome but with an F-Bomb.

Repost for those who missed it above.

Two nuns were driving along the highway when suddenly a vampire alighted on the roof of their car. One nun said to the other, "Show him your cross, Sister; show him your cross." So the first nun leaned out the window and shouted, "Hey you! Fuck off!"

A Nun gets on a bus and sits behind the driver. She say to driver, she needs someone to talk to, as she lives in a convent and would like to experience sex before she dies. The bus driver agrees, but the Nun explains she cannot have sex with a married man, or that would qualify as another sin. The driver says "No problem, I'm not married." Nun says she also has to die a virgin, on account of her vows, so she must take it in the ass. Driver agrees again, and being just the two of them on the bus, go to the back, and take care of business. When they finished, and driver was behind the wheel again, he declared, "Sister, I have a confession to make: I'm married, and have three kids. I'm terribly sorry." Nun replies: "That's OK...I have a confession too. My name is Dave, and I'm on my way to a costume party."

ha! r197, brilliant.

Cheers! Just in time to give people ideas for Halloween!

They're related R187, part of the same JAP jokes that were big in the late 80s

One other I remembered:

Did you hear about the JAP horror movie? Debbie Does Dishes

You might like this R187

Why are Arabs uncircumcised?

They need a place to store their chewing gum during a sandstorm.

What do you say to a Puerto Rican in a three-piece suit?

Will the defendant please rise.

Which is worse, to be Black or to be gay?

To be gay. You don't have to worry about telling your parents that you're Black

FWIW, R202, most Arabs are Muslims and Muslims are circumcised.

Most Persians too. Of course there are always exceptions...

r196 may appreciate the Vicar of Dibley’s credit jokes

Cute thanks!

Popular after challenger explosion. What does N.A.S.A. Stand for?

Need

Another

Seven

Astronauts

Carolyn asks JFK Jr. if he's gonna take a quick shower. He says "no, I'll wash up on shore later".

What kind of wood doesn't float?

Natalie.

[quote]Carolyn asks JFK Jr. if he's gonna take a quick shower. He says "no, I'll wash up on shore later".

Carolyn: Can't See Your Point

How was copper wire invented? Two Jews fighting over a penny.

Rock Hunter designer jeans : a zipper in the front and a zipper in the back

How are anal sex and brussel sprouts alike?

Odds are that if they were forced you you as a child, you're not gonna like them as an adult.....

Mommy, I don’t wanna go on a world cruise.

Shut up and keep swimming.

Did you hear about Hitler's microwave?

It seats 400.

What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina?

Not everything that comes out of her vagina is retarded.

Ouch! That's awful, R216. LOL!

This was my favorite joke when I was a kid, but it no longer works.

What will it take to reunite the Beatles? Three more bullets.

Q: Why did Jesus cross the road?

A: He was nailed to a chicken.

r212: Fail

(After a ValuJet plane exploded shortly after departing from Miami ...)

Q: What did one Everglades alligator say to the other?

A: Not bad for airline food.

weekend dirty joke bump

Why was Helen Keller a bad driver?

Because she was a woman.

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?

A: You fuck her.

Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?

He only comes once a year

Q. What's the most popular line in a gay bar?

A. May I push in your stool?

[quote]Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?

[quote]He only comes once a year

And when he does, it's down the chimney.

..........

Bump to replace the other idiot's new thread. Do a search, whore

Ace Abortion Agency. This is Mr. Ace, at your servex.

What does Ann Coulter call her cunt?

Data Lounge!

* Neighborhoods That Improved Once They Turned Black

* Natural Jewish Beauties

* Lesbian Couture

^

^

^

^

^

^

^

What are the three shortest books written in the past 100 years ?

Alex, I'll take Literature for $ 800.

How can a man look at another man’s hairy ass and say “ I want that”?

Why do gay men wear mustaches? To hide the stretch marks.

Lots of race, nationality specific jokes. I assume all the ones dealing with incest and pedophilia are whites i mplied. Haha

Michael Jackson didn't rape those boys.

He made love to them.

Q: What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?

A: Acne doesn't come on your face till you're at least 14.

Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong socks this morning.

and...

Truly Tasteless Jokes is on Google Books free.

😂😂😂

Q: What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

A: Tne Holocaust.

A guy is at his doctor's office and the doctor says, "I have some bad news for you. You have to stop masturbating." The guy asks why. The doctor replies, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

How do we know Adam wasn’t black?

You ever try to take a rib from a black guy?

These will have a theme:

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the ocean? Bob

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a hole? Phil

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russell

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? Art

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs under a car? Jack

There are a ton more. Always made me crack up as a kid and possibly sadly, still do. :)

A black man is walking down a dark street and he stumbles upon a lamp. He begins rubbing the lamp and a genie appears.

The genie says, “Sir, I can grant you 3 wishes. What would you like?”

Th black guy thinks a moment then says, “ I want to be white, uptight and outta sight.”

The genie turns him into a tampon.

Why couldn't Jesus get into college?

He got nailed on the boards.

Bump for some new ones 😂

Question: Why did the hipster drown?

Answer: He went ice-skating before it was cool.

[quote] What do gay guys call an upside down chair? A table for four.

How do you fit four fags on a barstool?

Flip it over.

Ok i think were done. We've gone full circle.

Let's go around the circle one more time.

Jeffrey Dahmer joke: