What Are Some Unspoken Social Norms At Your Workplace?

Don't cook fish in the microwave.

Be careful of homophobic bosses.

Be nice to Debbie, or she and her fibro brigade will cut a bitch.

Take s shower and wash your hair.

Dont't bump my chair as you stomp by my open desk space.

Do not fill up your water bottle with Vodka. We smell the fumes, Biotch.

Don't wash your office clothes and your cum filled handkerchiefs in the same washing machine load.

Take out your perm rods before coming back to work.

Be an incest-Surviving Frau who takes your daddy issues out on gay men because you're a low-key homophobe.

[quote] Stay the fuck away from my food in the damn refrigerator.

Or I'll dose ANOTHER sandwich with croton oil and watch you do the two-step on your way to the can.

Do not post flowcharts of your heavy menstrual flows.

[R1] or Popcorn

Don't fart in the lunchroom.

If you're gonna be the office label maker (tagging the workplace bitch or pooter or suck-up), be discreet.

Pretend not to notice how the Indians REEK of curry and B.O.

"Be an incest-Surviving Frau who takes your daddy issues out on gay men because you're a low-key homophobe."

Oh, yeah, I totally forgot how women are the source of all evil and straight men are never homophobic.

Tell us about the unicorn in your office...

Bring your dog to work and allow it to shit and pee everywhere.

Don't be too obvious about overhearing my phone conversation with the guy I hooked up with last night.

You don’t have a life outside of work and that your family and friends are secondary to work.

Be nice to the white dude but do not engage him . make sure he knows his place

Don't talk to your co-worker while you are both taking a leak in the bathroom

R15 fuck off racist.

They STANK r22. It's nasty. If white people stank that bad, they'd be spoken to by the Lindas.

Remember to rewind the vcr training tape.

Don´t be friendly to tourists.

I can wear a bikini cover-up and flip-flops and expose my chicken skin armpits because that's fashion. But you must wear hard-soled shoes, khakis and long sleeved shirts with collars.

If you have problems with excessive sweating, please carry a towel.

Do not frame your promotion letter on the wall.

Black yoga pants are perfectly acceptable "business wear." If a man wore black track pants to the office, he'd be told to go home and change.

Sneeze in to a tissue, and not the back of my head.

If you have sex in the parking lot, please take off your vest and name tag first.

It is forbidden to sit in your chair at the lowest possible height.

Employees found wearing the colour orange will be fired.

Don’t wash your dentures in the sink

While watching porn, mute the audio or use headphones

Recognize that words like 'tight hole', 'bareback' and 'getting pumped' are another way to say NSFW.

If you masturbate in the bathroom, please call Janitorial services to clean up.

Mute your speaks when watching Chaturbate, please. Those token sounds are distracting.

Regardless of comfort, never adjust the height of your meeting room chair to be higher than you insecure boss’ chair.

Never sit at the head of the table unless you are in charge.

Do not put your mouth over the water fountain and leave dark lipstick stains

Do not ask Coworker(s) if she is pregnant, ever!

Don't sit on the same side of the conference room table as your Indian boss. The dickhead will ask you to move because he doesn't want you to think you're at his level.

Freeballing is only allowed on casual Fridays.

Do not borrow items in the lactation room for your morning coffee

Don't express surprise when your 600 lb coworker says she's married. (I learned this the hard way.)

If your dick is larger than your boss's, and you want that promotion, don't let him see you naked in the gym locker room.

Don't assume that your stone-butch female co-worker is an open lesbian, and not a lesbian in deep denial. Trying to start a conversation with her in gay-centric tones may bring unpleasant surprises.

A can of Van Camp Beanie Weenies is not acceptable admission to the the holiday potluck.

When you play those show tunes in your cube, remember that those boa feathers fly.

Do not give soap-on-rope as a Christmas Gift to your coworker. Especially when we all know the giver of the present. (True Story).

Coworker actually turned red and in a serious tone said, ‘Are you trying to tell me I stink? A subtler approach would of been appreciated.’

Yikes!

Don't bring in food/snacks for the team when you know someone is allergic to an ingredient, or at least write on a Sticky Note what's in it.

Kindly do not change the channel on the TV in the lunch room to Faux News. No one wants to see that crap.

If my office door is closed, take a damn hint.

Steal all the Tampons.

Please aim for the urinal, guys. Standing in urine is not pleasant.

When Brysyn's and Jayxsyn's moms come around with the school fundraiser forms, group participation is expected. Failure to participate voluntarily will result in your names being added to the donor list, each for a minimum $50 contribution.

You've been warned.

Don’t show up in the office any more than absolutely necessary. In the summer, as now, average attendance is about six people on any given day out of a staff of 23.

Tooting is only permitted in the hallways.

If you want to take a nibble on coworkers cock, don't go to the bathroom, use the kitchenette.

R60 shit, I didn’t know that rule.

Any candy or snacks left behind automatically belong to Ginny in Billing. Even though she's dead.

Please leave the rodents alone they eat the bugs.

No fucking flip-flops. The boss thinks it makes you sound frivolous.

Realize that at pot lucks, you may be pushing your luck.

Do not steal the company car(s).

While we encourage good dental hygiene, please refrain from flossing in the cafeteria.

Pace your morning coffee intake, ladies in accounting, or else you will start cackling after every rambling, unfunny sentence. That amazing performer on The Voice who made you cry - why is that funny?

Please refrain from shaving your legs in the restroom (or anywhere else for that matter).

Except for office emergency drills, do your evacuating at home.

Please do not take any company files or other materials into the shitter with you to read while you drop a load. It is absolutely disgusting, and nobody else in the company wants to handle materials that have been touched by your shit-hands.

Go ahead and microwave that broccoli and fish lunch of yours, and be sure to ignore all co-worker complaints.

Don't sleep in the subway, darling. Don't stand in the pouring rain.

Even when eating alone at your desk, CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTH CLOSED.

Don't blow up the common restrooms with your foul-ass stinking food from the night before. Keep that shit in your homes, literally.

Turn off the ringer on your cell phone.

(We're getting tired of hearing Macarena.)

Sales calls, conference calls, and personal calls should not be conducted on speaker in public places.

Don’t wash your feet in the bathroom sink. I’m not sure what type of gymnastics these people excel at. This was actually told to me the first day I started. I regularly see guys stripped to their briefs washing their feet in the sink.

Stop sniffing the hot guy's pencils after hours.

Addendum to R71, do not take a newspaper from the break/lunch room, bring it to the aforementioned shitter, and return it to the break/lunch room.

Please be advised that you must place all of your dirty cups and dishes in the dishwasher instead of leaving them on the counter, and all coffee stirrers, sugar/Splenda packets, napkins etc. should be placed in the wastebasket instead of being left on the counter. If you spill anything on the counter, paper towels are conveniently located right in front of you to wipe it up. You lazy, filthy, slovenly pigs. Thank you.

Don’t seduce the boss’s teenage son.

When you're shoving people out of the way to get to the air pots to pump out coffee and the pump 'swooshes' to indicate you've emptied the air-pot, SET UP ANOTHER POT OF COFFEE, YOU SELFISH NARCISSISTS!

Men and women do not touch. Ever. For any reason.

We can all smell the booze on you when you come back from "lunch," but we're all too polite to say anything.

The word "cunt" is unacceptable on employee performance review reports.

The wedding band on a male coworker's finger doesn't mean "Stop!", rather "Proceed with caution."

Sugarcoat the bad behaviors and actions of toxic people.

Narcissists and sociopaths have rights too.

The only smoking indoors should be done with knee pads.

Never,ever get into an elevator with Patricia alone.

She wants out and wants cash and will even accuse the perfect Kinsey 6's of inappropriate behaviour if it might mean a pay out.

If someone is fired, do not discuss the firing with your coworkers. In fact, it would be best for everyone to forget that the fired person ever existed.

Only blond haired people succeed.

Keep your head down and your mouth shut.

Work,after all should only be something to do during the day.

R92 we had one of those as well, only were told that employee suddenly left and we were to never discuss any possible reasons why he may or may not have been fired.

Do not piss off the HR staff or you will be forever tainted.

Please don’t harass Betty.

When entering, the building, try not to wake the security guard at the front desk, He might actually ask to see your I.D. badge.

When running off postage from the postage machine for your own personal use, make sure that nobody is watching you when you slip the postage in your pocket.

After sitting on it, please make sure to clean the glass on the photocopier machine.

Only Asians are allowed to stand on the toilet seats.

Don't question my boss because he's always right. Always. Even when he's wrong, which is a lot.

I think if anyone actually expressed a pro-Trump political position they'd be ostracized.

To the point where I sometimes find myself warning certain 25 year olds that "these clients live in Flyoverstan. Don't bring up politics at all and don't assume they all find Trump to be as ridiculous as we do."

(Bringing up politics is obviously never a good idea in a business meeting, but they will let fly with 'that's the sort of thing Trump would say' or 'he lies even more than Trump" and assume everyone in the room is on the same page.)

Don't get shit faced and make an ass of yourself at the office Christmas party.

If you pee your pants; go home and change.

Working at home is no longer allowed.

All this Israeli wit .

Work is not a place to have fun.

If the pressure is high and you decide to start shooting in the workplace, put the cum rag away afterwards.

remember Run , Hide and Fight , that is all you need to do to avoid workplace violence

When your boss tells you that he needs to present at a meeting, don't go check your hole.

Do not bring your voodoo dolls, of your coworkers, to work.

Haha R112. Good one. Can you imagine dolls sitting on a coworker's desk...

Make sure to recycle your typewriter ribbon cartridge and see the manager's secretary prior to ordering a new typewriter element. Font Size 12 Courier is the standard, and she has spare balls.

Potlucks are to be shared. Someone please tell Judy this information.

^ Can't tell her. It's an unspoken social norm.

R116 damn you! Let’s make Judy Be Anyone.

Please do not take more than ONE piece of candy from my very enormous candy dish.

If you say only a few words of idle chatter in the morning, you will be bullied. You are expected to be nicey-nicey at all times even when they stab your back to the boss and slit your throat in meetings.

If my arms are full of papers, boxes,books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as aparaplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training; in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.

If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority. I am psychic.

If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

Take a late lunch if need be, but early lunches not acceptable.

Make eye contact and smile at everyone, even if you hate them.

Do not try to remove off equipment from the building.

Parking in the rear means your car.

Take up smoking. The best friends you'll ever make are the other smokers outside.

Smokers are less than in the workplace.

Use an acronym whenever possible. it is like we speak a foreign language in the office. if anyone asks a question, the stardard answer is always 'look it up in the manual'. The answer to everything is not in the manual

The smokers are usually the most chill and laid-back people in the workplace.

R130, the guy smokers are chill. The women smokers, not so much.

If you need a few boxes of pens for home use, please help yourself to the supply room. We want you to be comfortable at home too.

If you are not involved in a committee then you are not a team player.

Embrace everyone's uniqueness. Even the cunts.

If you complain about the non-team players you're not a team player.

Never tell the the truth.

Profit before people.

Learn how to scribble your signature

All sippy cups must be marked with names of their owners because you all bought the same cup on sale at Target. Yeah, that fancy way of saying it never gets old. Hopefully, we won't run into last year's problems with North Face vests.

Please do not shower, wear lotion, cologne, hairspray, etc. because everyone, but you has a chemical allergy. You stinky cunts. God damn you all. Thank you.

Can't you just use a paper plate to cover food you're microwaving? That's what I always do to avoid splatters.

^^Oops—wrong thread.