Things Mug-Cradlers DON'T Say

I find the temperature in this room quite comfortable.

Sorry, Jen, I can’t talk now. I’m on a crowded train and I don’t want to be rude.

I bought this coffee at the supermarket and it's very good.

Buck would have NEVER been in the hospital!

I hate open concept living.

Your teeth are white enough honey.

I am not entitled to special treatment.

I don't mind patiently waiting my turn.

R1 I love you.

My fibromyalgia is not acting up today: I think I'll hit the gym.

Balls to the wall

I LOVE gay man sex, it's SOOO hot, I wish I could get my husband to have a three-way with another guy and me!

I don't need this chunky knit sweater, a sweatshirt will be fine.

"Fine! We'll do anal. Order of Operations, David: Douche first."

I have serious mental health issues.

Yoga pants don’t make me look slimmer.

Leggins and oversized shirts aren't really appropriate office attire.

I take complete accountability for my own actions, I'm a grown women and shouldn't be babied, I can admit that in that situation I was being a complete cunt

Stop bogarting the mother fucking bong and get that bitch over here.

"I'm sticking with my diet -- have already lost 45 pounds!"

I hold myself accountable for my actions.

My kids are the worst. I should have aborted them and stayed single.

This is a beautiful day with my family, I’m going to live in the moment and not photograph, share or even tell anyone about it.

Let the gorilla live. I can have another.

I will not have more children than I can manage and afford.

My due date is nearing and I am either going to name the baby Michael, David or James.

I think maybe I am too self-absorbed.

I am not going to risk my child's life taking a selfie.

r25 = Bunnika

I'd like to push my Down's syndrome son in front of a train and shove a gallon of peanut butter down the fucking throat of my allergic daughter.

Also, I don't need a glass of wine to get through the day.

Let's skip that Secret Santa shit this year.

Karen, you're going to get DPed at a frat party one day anyway so you may as well do it under my roof.

I really don't need to drive this Lexus RX450h - a Honda Fit will do us nicely.

I'm gonna experiment and have a lesbian experience because I LOVE sex and fucking !

I HATE coffee!

Why, I CAN still see my gunt!

My son's classmates love my peanut butter surprise cookies.

I LOVE to fart even in public places, it's natural and we all fart, I would never be embarrassed about farting in public

Fart!!!

I think TV should have MORE sex and violence, I definitely would let my kids watch if my husband agrees, they're gonna be exposed to it anyway in the real world

Real life is not a happy happy Disney movie!

I'll just wait in line at Starbucks behind everyone else, without getting huffy that I'm super special and thinking they should have my order ready because I come in here every day.

I don't really need to post yet another meal on instagram.

I think I'm just going to go to dinner and movies without announcing it with a selfie on facebook!

Having children is no damn miracle, I mean even insects procreate and give birth

It's no big deal!

Buffy and Dakota really are just regular, average kids

If I have to sit through one more Nicholas Sparks movie I'm gonna go postal.

I really can't stand those sappy Hallmark Christmas movies.

I would never endanger others by texting while driving.

I really cringe when adults say "veggie". It's so childish.

I know, ever since my first one was born I act like I invented breastfeeding.

I feel terrible for becoming loud and obnoxious in a public place when I couldn't have my way.

"No Beth you don't look great in this Facebook picture, you actually look like you gained an additional 50 pounds since last summer and even if you were to loose all the weight, you would still be ugly. I mean you do aske me, your friend , my HONEST opinion. And all these people on here commenting on how "beautiful " you are, have to be absolutely fucking blind"!

LinkedIn is my only social media account. I don’t really think Facebook or Instagram would be age appropriate for me, and frankly I have no fucking idea what the point of Pinterest is.

With all my heart I still love the man I killed.

Oh for heaven's sake. There's no such thing as gluten sensitivity.

R24 is why I keep coming back!!!

No, I don't need to speak to your manager. Really, it's not a big deal.

I really really crave anal sex with my husband, I even like it when he pulls it out my butthole and that makes me deep throat his huge cock. I know I'm such a little whore!"

This Farmers Market sucks

I should just order a plain coffee today.

I really enjoyed being double-teamed by those two colored gentlemen I picked up at the bus stop. I'd go so far as to say I enjoyed it more than the two Moslems I did at the gas station last week.

Oprah is a pox on our culture.

Breast feeding is gross and even if I did do it, I would never do that in public places

People don't need to see that!

My son thinks I'm in the stands at his football game. I'd go but it is really embarassing watching him flail around out on the field like the loser he is.

Maybe I won't send special dietary restriction instructions to Braden's 2nd grade teacher today.

No, no, I don't feel like talking about myself. Tell me about your day!

Those cookies are good but they need more gluten.

Being a father is just as important and equal as being a mother

I'm pretty sure I picked up fibro last summer when I was working as a lumberjack in the Pacific Northwest.

That old furniture I saw on the curb was just garbage, I couldn't do anything with it.

Yes I am very proud of my son. He's an altar boy and an Eagle Scout. His friends call him the Wrigleyville Cumdump.

My kids are all little retards!

I can't wait until those should of been abortions are all out of the house!

Two headed dildo ... hell why not.

Bryson should be grateful that any girl would date him. He really shouldn't be so picky.

I hate those names Jaden, Tyler, Ryan, Kaden, Braden !

I prefer Arthur or Henry for my son's name

Oh golly gee, yet another misogynistic thread! As a women I find this highly offensive. Do you gays even know any women? You all sound incredibly stupid and ignorant.

Wrong thread R75.

Nice try, R75

R75 I know some gay men that fall under the "mug cradler" category

^ Yes, same here. My idea of mug-cradlers are Millennials and GenXers, both the men and the women.

R75 You do know this is a gay man's board? Right?

Fuck steamed organic vegetables and quinoa.

Chiclets, dust and cocaine. That's the only diet that really works.

My buttcrack itches.

That dress DOES make you look fat.

I shouldn't feel entitled to post frauen-like comments on a gay man's board and then get angry when they call me out on it.

You'll have to use the powder room on the second floor. I've dismembered DH's body and it's draining in the downstairs bath. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Janice told me that she usually prefers potato salad with homemade mayonnaise but that mine was "still pretty good for semi-homemade". I told Janice that she's a passive-aggressive cunt and that her husband is right to be cheating on her. Bless her heart.

What do you think of my new corvette?

"Don't go into that bathroom! I just took the biggest, nastiest, smelliest dump! I took pictures of it and will be posting it on Facebook, I'm so proud of it!"

Fifty Shades of Gray is amazing! Amazing at propping up my bed frame where the caster snapped off last year while I was getting tag-teamed by the varsity soccer team from a few towns over.

Ya, maybe Instagram doesn’t another photo of Ugg-clad feet and a pumpkin-spice latte with the hashtag, #blessedAF

“Let me at that cock, I want to deep throat you until I get that load in my belly!”

Yeah, no problem if you're 5 minutes late.

I’m an athiest.

I think I'll drink a fifth of vodka today and then drive the wrong way on the Taconic.

- Aunt Diane

I've fucking had enough of Facebook! I deleted my account for good!

I can't find a vein.

I have more interesting things to talk about than Meghan Markle

Why the hell would we want to go to a gay bar? Bitch, this is a bachelorette party, let's go someplace where the guys might actually want to fuck us. They'll put up with your whooping and once you've blacked out after three cosmos, then the magic happens.

“Ain’t never been a dick I can suck dry in a minute or less.”

can’t

I knew when I decided to have a baby that it'd mean increased responsibility for me. I don't need to burden others because of it.

R100 might have won in a very tough race

If I wasn't rudely chatting on my phone during the movie I wouldn't feel badly now for going off the rails for being shushed.

No, Jahy’Ddyn isn’t on The Spectrum, he’s just a feral, unsocialized asshole. Maybe all those awards for just showing up weren’t just a great idea, after all....

I'll have my usual, a 7-layer burrito and 2 Doritos Loco tacos and an extra-large Diet Pepsi! Thanks!

I'm sorry I caused the accident rushing around to get Brayden to soccer practice.

My tardiness shouldn't be your problem.

I can't be bothered with all that 'natural birthing' crap. Just get that kid out of me without either of us dying, for christ's sake!

The real reason I am breastfeeding my 3 year old in public is for the attention.

I HATE drama.

Just give him the fucking peanuts.

I know I need to stop imposing my agendas and beliefs on others.

God doesn't exist!

I'm a terrible terrible mother and I'll be amazed if these burdens of society that I spawned don't all end up in jail one day

🍵 Cradling that mug might make me look caring and slightly sophisticated, but its actually burning g the hell out of my fingers.

This mug needs more vodka

How about cradling my balls the same way your cradling that mug, gently but firmly with both hands wrapped around .

Organic produce?? Do I LOOK like a retard? Just buy the cheapest, it's all the SAME!

I'd be into scrapbooking but I have a fucking life.

Sometimes I think that women get a better deal than men in today's world. I ought to be nicer to men, considering all that's asked of them and all they have to endure.

Jaydyn you don't really have allergies! Sitting on a couch in yoga pants is not the hardest job in the world. My kid doesn't have autism he's just a brat. Maybe today I should start looking for real employment instead of being a freeloader.

This "Inspirational quote a day" calendar is going right where it belongs, in the trash.

If any of you cunts ever refer to extra virgin olive oil as "EVOO" I'm going to run you over in my Land Rover.

This thread has me in tears it is so offensive. I am a proud mommy to 4 little miracles Braydyn, Jaydyn, Madisyn, and Nolyn. None of you can imagine how hard I work. Bradyn and Jadyn are on the autistic spectrum, and while the other two are neuro typical they both have severe allergies to nuts, soy, red meat, and unfiltered water. Nolyn has recently expressed to me that he "feels like a girl "so we are trying to support him with this journey. It is all very stressful, but it has taught me what love really is. I guess none of you people could possibly understand this.

My Pussy stinks!

I hate posing with "duck lips" in pictures I post on social media, it's unnatural and I don't care if it makes me look thinner, it's up to me to take accountability and loose the weight on my own through hard work and determination and exercise, no east shortcuts in life.

I'm going to pose without turning sideways and with a hand on my hips, because that looks posed and fake, despite what that article in Cosmo said.

I hated that piece of shit movie, Eat Pray Love, and what the hell does that mean anyway?

Plus Julia Roberts is one insufferable cunt!

I guess I just hate chick flicks in general, give me lots of killing and fucking in my movies and I'll be one happy fucking bitch!

What grown ass woman uses that phrase , "I'm doing my happy dance", everytime something goes good in her life?

You look and sound like a damn fool, if some dumb bitch tried to act a fool and do a happy dance in front of me, I'd cut her!

Grown the fuck up women

I don't want to discuss my cancer journey.

I don't need a big SUV. The kids and I will be just fine in a Kia.

Those white appliances are fine, and let's forego the granite countertops. Besides, I hardly use the kitchen except to throw something in the microwave.

No thanks, I don’t want to join your book club

Although your behavior as a salesperson is not what I'd like, I suppose I have to accept it.

"This Is Us" is manipulative garbage.

[quote]As a women I find this highly offensive.

So what?

Oh, I better get moving, I don't want to be late for that appointment. It wouldn't be fair to the others waiting for me.

I don't think my opinion matters in this situation.

My son just came out to me! God, I hope he doesn't become a slut.

How I'm feeling on any given day should not impact how well I treat others.

No one cares iI'm offended or not.

No, I'm not to going to make this about me. I want to know how you're feeling about this.

My husband didn't just accidentally wander into that gay bar on our sightseeing trip to New York City last summer.

Let me just push my double wide stroller off the sidewalk and on to the grass so you can get by with your walker.

I wouldn't want to use my stroller as a battering ram and propel you out into traffic breaking your other hip.

I think I'll wait until everyone has eaten before loading up on leftovers to take home.

Downing fried mac n cheese with a DIET coke is not sensible eating.

No, I don’t think it’s a good idea to bring my double-wide stroller and the dog to this year’s Pridefest to show how down I am with the gays!

I've had enough of the never ending breadsticks.

I will stay and work late tonight to help meet the deadline. And I won't bitch about it.

Madysynn will just have to fend for herself. And DH can call his hooker tonight.

Plan a family vacation thousands of miles away? No, my three year old is too young to travel by plane. The local amusement park is a car ride away, that will do until he is only enough to sit still for long periods of time.

I really shouldn't have taken my emotional support peacock on the flight with me upsetting the FA and so many passengers all because truthfully I had no other way to transport him when I moved out of state last month.

I should apologize to people for the way my undisciplined, unruly child acts around them.

I don't think that a loud, dramatic way of speaking can mask the fact that one is not actually interesting, gregarious and active.

I made a decoupage about my gluten-free journey to post on Instagram, but let's face it -- I have no artistic talent!

That's a great painting little Billy but no, mommy isn't going to put it up on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Let's put it right here on the refrigerator just for us to look at.

Susie did the cutest thing today but hey, I've already told enough Susie stories to last a lifetime, so let's talk like adults instead.

I'm going to stop into the 7-11 for a forty to enjoy on the car pool run this afternoon.

Càssydey and Mychal-Sean’s birthdays are not occasions worthy of celebration for my co-workers, and I should not expect them to participate in my after-school Skype calls from the office by singing along with me, “Happy Birthday Dear Apple of My Eye, Happy Birthday to You.”

My son has the thickest, longest cock of all the boys on the soccer team. And not only that, it's the most delicious.

My daughter has been trying to get pregnant for months with no luck. I'm taking her to the pediatrician on Monday after school, but I'm pretty sure it's her teacher's defective sperm that's to blame.

Jack and Jill sinks in the master bath are totally unnecessary. One sink will suffice.

I am an easily triggered, fragile snowflake.

[quote]I'll just wait in line at Starbucks behind everyone else, without getting huffy that I'm super special and thinking they should have my order ready because I come in here every day.

Oh, they made a mistake with my coffee. Well, no one's perfect and they are very busy. Just because it wasn't made to my exact specifications doesn't mean it's not drinkable. Who knows, I may like it. I don't need to speak with the manager at all. On with my day!

Women who laugh while eating salads are morons.

Die. Cry. Hate.

I'm sorry that I didn't answer my phone when you texted but I was driving.

Oh, there's a single man walking by the playground. He must be enjoying this beautiful day.

Good riddance to ghetto trash. He can’t rot away fast enough.

My overuse of the word "amazing", to the extent that everything is AMAZING, makes me sound stupid and inarticulate. I am going to stop doing that and expand my vocabulary.

Someone already posted that so there's no reason for me be redundant.

R166 - Ditto 'awesome'

That posters comment was awesome but since I didn't think of it first I just rephrased it and posted it as my own. So I guess I shouldn't have gotten angry when the only reply to my post was "Plagiarizer @ R 206 see R 201."

Of course they're vaccinated.

Wow, just noticed, Chrissy Metz is huge.

Actually, these pants don't make me look fat. It's the extra 15 pounds I put on sneaking candy from my office co-workers desk that makes me look fat. It's time I let some other people at work eat the candy and stop hoarding it all for myself.

This thread is why I love DL 😍

The doctor found the cause of the problem and said it would be easy to fix. I'm so glad I can finally stop taking those pain pills. I guess I won't need you to babysit Hammyltyn and Aaryn during my afternoon naps, anymore.

r75, as a women--OH DEAR

Do I really upspeak that much? Wow, maybe I should break myself of that silly, stupid habit.

The DH wants a man cave so that he can get away from my nagging and our squawling brats, and have a place to jerk off to porn.

Maybe I don't need to mispell my child's name by placing a y where an a or e should be. Perhaps a traditional spelling would be fine.

Modern Family is a terrible show

I think when I tell the story about running out of gas this morning I'll just get to the point and not embellish what happened.

When Jadyn and Madysin start school again in September I won't start feuds with other mothers when they act like bitches, I'll just ignore them.

I wished I'd never gotten married and had kids.

From now on I am going to take my mom's advice and be courteous in the grocery store. I'll wait the whole 3 seconds for other shoppers as they remove an item from the shelf to place it in their cart instead of cutting in and reaching over them. I now realize I must have made them feel angry. And invisible. I mean, what's 3 seconds. Right?

You're my BFF, but I have a feeling that there are at least two sides to the story that you're telling me about your fight/resentment with your partner/family member/co-worker and I just can't automatically take your side and tear down the other person anymore.

I also think we're getting a little old to keep dredging up things that happened in high school. Or things currently happening to people we knew together in high school.

And this margarita is too sweet.

I'm pretty sure my daughter is a sociopath. Maybe I shouldn't have let her get away with everything under the guise of empowering her.

Although I'm rabidly pro-life, that hasn't stopped me from making sure my precious little Kymbyrly had those three abortions. Just because that dumb slut can't keep her legs closed for more than 5 minutes at a time doesn't mean I need to be saddled with bastard grand-babies.

I'm not wearing white at my wedding, that's just ridiculous.

I need to come to terms with my sense of entitlement. I can see how it's affecting many people in my life. I am going to work on my emotional maturity and personal growth.

You know, Jen, I have a BA and JD and I’m a professional! I work at a big law firm in Manhattan. I’m in my mid-40s now. My ass isn’t as cute as it was. Maybe it’s time I stopped wearing pastel colored jeans to the office, using vocal fry and upspeak and beginning my answers to your questions with “Sooo.” And you know what else, Jen? Maybe all the other commuters on the train don’t want to hear about single aspect of Jehferseyn and Mahdi’syn’s lives each morning.

^ Nice try but eldergays don't vocal fry and up-speak or start sentences with the word "So," and can't stand it, nor have they named their kids the names you mentioned.

R190, the EG wasn’t, but he was conversing with the frau so was complicit.

It's NOT all about me.

Don't bullshit a bullshitter.

She's my sister AND my daughter.

My life sucks. Someone wake me up from this nightmare.

Children should be seen and not heard.

Grownups don't do that.

If it was good enough for your grandfather/brother/friends it's good enough for you too.

Speak only when spoken to.

Wait your turn.

If it's a boy, we're naming him John after his father and if it's a girl, we're naming her Elizabeth after my mother.

If you don't settle down immediately I'm going to give you something to cry about.

She's a baby. She has no "style." Her cousin's hand-me-downs will do just fine.

What's wrong with the old car/stove/couch?

The names Jaydyn ,Bradynn ,madysynn and Katelyn are not cute. They are actually.. Sort of retarded

The DH not getting into shape despite going to the gym 7 days a week, sometimes twice a day, is sending up a red flag that something is just not right.

Let's watch some gay porn!

My male co-worker's comments such as "Nice weather this morning" or "She rescheduled our meeting" do not necessarily warrant my full-blast, five minute lecture about the evils of "mansplaining".

"Yes, it's fine for the baby to have some peanut butter. Everyone knows that early exposure to allergens reduces the risk of food allergies later."

You worked Thanksgiving so I could have it off. I'll work Christmas.

I wouldn't even think of calling the cops on a black child selling bottled water. That would be terrible.

Sorry, you are not going to do this, go here, buy this, etc.

Sorry, I don't like to hang out with my co-workers.

Who cares if it's not organic?

Well, you didn't study for the exam, or do work for that class, so don't be surprised when you fail the class.

Mason, get off your phone and go to bed!

I think we should let our gays have the bar to themselves this weekend.

You're absolutely right, miss. I shouldn't have let my kids run wild through the restaurant. It was inconsiderate of me and showed how poorly disciplined my kids are.

From now on I won't get angry and become spiteful towards those who disagree with me or call me on my toxic behaviors. I will stop creating drama and start holding myself accountable.

Comparing my children to your children isn't right. We shouldn't compare. I need to stop one-upping other moms. I accept that I am not Mother Superior.

Hygge is stupid.

When one of the NM-C's nephews or nieces shuffles up clutching a book about mental illness in hand, ready to scold about limiting eye-contact and keeping triggering behaviour to a minimum at the family BBQ...

Teayna, get the ax!

[quote]Teayna

teeWHYnuh?

"I see a therapist and take medication for being bipolar".

R216 Y not?

My Jayden is proud of his mama-- his friends love my gluten-free brownies and they all say I suck cock like a pro.

Reverend, come here, I'd like you to meet my husband Roger and my lover Tyrone.

You fucking twat, stop being a stupid cunt!

You're absolutely correct, Officer. I should not have been talking on the cell, doing my makeup, and devouring a bag of Ruffles, while driving my Tahoe 30 miles over the speed limit. I take responsibility for my own actions, and I don't need to take down your badge number or get your name.

That little girl selling water in a bottle, probabaly doesn’t even have a permit to do so, and I just don’t give a fuck!

I slept quite well last night.

You know what they say-- "When God gives you lemons, make lemonade." So I pissed in his mouth while he was sleeping.

I'm not going to make every situation all about me. I'm an adult and I must take others' feelings into account.

How’s it hanging, you old gash?

Who knew that swallowing all that semen would cure me of my fibromyalgia? Maybe it was just an electrolyte imbalance all along?

Squad? Do you mean like a cheerleading squad?

Do you like this? I paid full price for it and also did not receive it as a gift.

Did you really just say "yummo?" Are you ten years old?

While drinking my morning coffee which is just a cheap supermarket brand, I resisted the urge to cradle my mug with both hands!

I love anal but my husband just isn’t that interested.

I'm trying? To stop talking? Like this?

If you hear me? Talking? Like this? Please slap me.

I’m reclaiming my time, bitch!

I will start respecting those much older than me instead of either treating them like they are invisible or viciously arguing with them. I know how disrespectful that is. I realize that they have wisdom and many years of experience to draw from that I lack. I can learn something by listening.

I am not always right.

OK so I was wrong and incorrect, you were right about what you said.

When naming my droppings I always think about how the name sounds with "Supreme Court Justice" in front of it.

Yes, my husband works very hard so I can stay home and take care of the kids. I really appreciate him for doing that.

Maybe Jour D'Ashe shouldn't have been running around the store. Maybe then he wouldn't have been hit by that woman's shopping cart. I need to think about that.

When we eat out my kids behave, or they know we'll be leaving.

When I'm down I pray and meditate and find comfort in my lord Satan.

I only visit Mumsnet for the porn gifs.

XXXtentacion's funeral was very moving. I'm so glad I got a sitter and went to pay my respects.

My husband got a subscription to "Men's Health" so he can jerk off to the photos in his man-cave, and not so that he can get hints on starting a new workout regimen.

Maybe my fiance is gay.

Time to adopt some new manners and stop reaching over others. I'll also stop getting annoyed when they get annoyed at me for rudely reaching over them. After all, they wouldn't be annoyed at me in the first place if I had some manners.