Late bloomer?

I've heard kids from NYC exclaim that 18 years old is 'so late' to get a cherry popped. I can tell you 18 isn't late at all out West.

Feel lucky that your youth started later and so it's gonna end later, OP. As for experience, only focused quality time spent practising skill will catch you up.

I must be the latest bloomer in town, if not on DL. I’m 26 and I’ve never been kissed (on the lips, sexually) let alone gone any further.

What strange is, I had sexual feelings and awareness early on (around 7 years old) but just never had the courage to act on it. I’ve always looked years younger than my age (several years, sometimes) and was not exceptional enough a beauty to escape bullying because of it. My body was late to grow and develop too, and didn’t kick into puberty until I was 15 -and then boy, did it ever. I had ravaging acne, the works.

I don’t care at all about my youthful appearance now (I enjoy it, in fact) but it was one of many causes for my exclusion as a teen. My self-consciousness about it added to my misanthropic and antisocial nature didn’t help matters, and neither did my parents’ awkwardness around sex and my own neuroses. I’m not religious or a prude, but because of my friendless and uptight state as a lonely kid sex it seemed just passed me by in adolescence. So here I am, nearly 30 and untouched. It’s weird, but not as strange or horrifying as I thought it might be. I don’t even mind, really. At least I feel more ready, now, despite having no clue of how to go about even pursuing someone I do have sexual interest in.

Yes. I went on my first date at 17, first kiss and lost virginity at 21, first serious relationship at 22. I was a really nerdy loser as a teenager and extremely unattractive. In my 30s I'm still painfully uncool, but I've grown into my features, know how to dress and groom myself flatteringly, and quirky people find me appealing.

I was a late bloomer too and have always appeared years younger than my age, I’m 45 and still get carded which is bizarre.

R2, we could be twins except I was not physically a late bloomer, but definitely emotionally young for my age. I didn't realize that until fairly recently, but it's not really a surprise because I come from an emotionally repressed family. It's kind of a miracle that I figured it out, actually. Now, have I done anything to change this? No. I wouldn't know where to start.

Yeah, I feel you on that R5. When your own Mom & Dad won’t even talk about sex as their kid is growing up or stay in the same room to watch a sex scene on tv with their teen? There’s an issue. Mine never even asked me why I never had dates or friends over or showed any angst about this; they just figured I’d be “fine” and snap out of it when I got to College (which, no, I became a depressed semi-mute recluse).

But you’re right too that the onus is largely on ourselves. I got so apathetic and bitter about all this by the age of 16 or so that I just stopped caring and didn’t try. Now it’s ten years later and I can’t even open my mouth or maintain eye contact around a cute guy I like, let alone flirt confidently with him or ask him out. If I have to interact with a crush I just get reactively cold and spiteful without meaning to, it’s awful. Not to opine about my own minor troubles but I’ve only recently got well enough after a long depression to start grooming myself properly and going out alone -I couldn’t imagine dating. But I want to try with someone I’m really attracted to and like if only for the experience. I don’t even care about LTR etc. like our peers. Is it the same way for you?

Total late-bloomer here myself. All through grade and high schools, I was the shortest (or one of the shortest) kids in my class. I also have that blonde blue-eyed thing going on which skews me younger as well. I developed late, can't really remember when puberty happened, but it was prob started around 15-16 for me. When I was younger gay guy, I took on the twink/fem thing. Now, I still am short, but I have developed a more alpha attitude, worked out, and have been delving into more generally male-oriented activities, like fishing, sports, outdoorsy/camping-like stuff, etc. The problem for me is that because I had this submissive, diminutive personality for so long, it set me back socially and professionally. So I am in my 30s now but I still have the mentality of a late-20s person, still go out drinking with friends (although that is waning), buying stupid shit, wearing clothes that prob are too "young" for me (although I do still look quite young) and having sex like a younger guy, as opposed to getting myself into a decent, stable relationship with a good guy and being more responsible physically and socially. Basically, I feel like I am a 30 something year old stuck in a 20s situation.

Late bloomer physically (voice changed sumner after my high school freshman year, along with the biggest growth spurt) but I’ve been having sex -with men- since I was 14.

And I was still growing by freshmen year in college. Chest hair started growing after college.

Tell me about it, OP. I didn't start becoming a man until I was 22 on the set of 'Eight Is Enough'.

Call us, OP

Late bloomer here, too. It'll pay off in the end--I'm 44 and I look like I'm in my early 30s still. Have all my hair, and none of it gray! (except a few pubes.) You're beautiful just as you are!

I barely needed to shave when I graduated from college.

Now I have a full gray beard.

I barely need to shave, R13, and I'm in my 20s!

I've tried working out to bulk up, but it just doesn't happen for me, R7. I'm also short, blond, blue-eyed, and I even dyed my hair dark brown once to try and look a few years older. It didn't help and I just ended up looking seriously ill. I've been on my own since 18 and don't have a supportive family and I was left to fend for myself a lot when I was a kid. In some ways I feel immature compared to others in my age group in some ways, but more mature in other ways since I've pretty much had to figure things out for myself.

As far as sex goes, I've posted about this here before, but I hate it. It hurts for one thing and I just don't like people being physically close to me. It's been over a year for me and I don't miss it and get weirded out if I think about hooking up or meeting a guy. I'm only attracted to men but just have this weird thing about actual sex.

It sucked being the last guy in gym class to mature.

Now it's great being the guy who doesn't look his age!

Studies have been suggesting that many among so-called Gen Z delay their first sexual encounters until College. Wonder why that could be?

How old are you, OP? Your late-blooming is not strange in any case and you shouldn't sweat it, but it's probably less atypical the younger you are.

I was a late bloomer, too. As much as I hated not being sexually active until my early 20s, I now look back and believe it may have saved my life. I was 18 in 1983, 22 in '87. By the time I was finally having a real dating and sex life, at least I knew how to be careful and had learned about best and worst practices and how to be safer, if not completely safe.

And then in my later 20s and into my 30s it was a great time. No regrets ever since.

You know, Corpse flowers only bloom about once every decade and then only for a day or two.

Just something to think about.

I wonder if maturity is as different between gays and straights as between women and men.

That old “woman mature quicker” fallacy is some bullshit, though. Many girls don’t fully grasp the realities of their womanhood until well until their 20s, but they’re ignored in favor of their peers who peaked at 18. I know many grown females who didn’t feel like “women” or sexually ready until after College - are they late bloomers, or did they just grow more slowly than society would expect or want?

I reached puberty shortly before my 12th birthday, had my cherry popped even before that, whored around, and was in a marriage-type gay relationship at 21. But everybody thought I was a late bloomer and sex-negative.

I'd say that those women are also late bloomers, R19. However, it has been proven scientifically that on average females mature faster than males.

Late bloomer too, looked like a teen through my 20s and pointing out that I “look like a kid” is something people would say to me when learning my age. I matured a bit in my 30s, but continued to look young for my age. I was always self-conscious about it because it’s hard to be taken seriously when youre perceived to be younger, but now at 62 and regularly getting mistaken for a 30-year old, I’m at peace with it.

They thought I was an innocent. It was my camouflage.

Early maturers tend to die earlier than their peers. They're usually shorter too. Testosterone kills.

What is the age after which someone seems unnatural as a virgin?

Glancing over the site as an outsider, Reddit say 30 years old as a loose consensus R25. But that's Reddit and they're insane on those boards, so.

Try being a woman, OP. They can’t win.

If they grow tits and fall into bed before 16 then they’re forever considered damaged goods, rode hard and put away wet. If they get there before 18 then they’re still sluts, albeit without the sad dirty aspect. If they manage to bloom and lose their V between 18-22 they’re golden, but if they can’t get some curves and at least one man by the end of College then they’re seen as goofy awkward undesirables by peers. If they’re still waiting in their late 20s or get to 30 still looking girlish, then they’re Christmas Cake and no-one will ever want them and they may as well resign themselves to spinsterdom (which isn’t even all that bad).

I matured physically at a normal rate but did not have sex until well into my 20s. I had a lot to sort out with my sexuality.

I'm a 28yr old woman and i look about 16 and not in a good way!

How do you mean "not in a good way", R29? Surely straight man fall all over that (they're always trolling for younger women) and it widens your dating bracket if you fiddle with your age some, non?

[quote] did not have sex until well into my 20s. I had a lot to sort out with my sexuality.

R28 I feel like that's more the norm for gays than other groups. LGB aren't given as much support or even acknowledgement out there in the world, so growing up gay as well as late-to-mature or unsure can be hell.

Remember, only jerk jocks and rich snobs will shame you for your purity and modesty.

R30 My face looks young but my body doesn't!

Littlest guys me and a buddy all through school. Puberty on time but grew till 20. Virginity at 21. Boys size 16 fit me ok till I was 28. Carded till then.

Then I worked out in my early 30s, packed on muscle, kicked sand in the face of my bullies, and was finally 'allowed' to be a top.

Story of my life.

You're the Best Around, R34!

Matured into manhood very late, but its paying off on the backside in my 60's now looking swell!

I was 5'5" when I turned 16, but I ended up 6'2". Was still growing in college. Very late and slow.

Blooms and blossoms wither, shrivel and blow away in the wind. Fruits grow juicy and get eaten.

What we call ourselves matters.

R38 is very cryptic.

[quote] I must be the latest bloomer in town, if not on DL. I’m 26 and I’ve never been kissed (on the lips, sexually) let alone gone any further. I had sexual feelings and awareness early on (around 7 years old) but just never had the courage to act on it. I’ve always looked years younger than my age (several years, sometimes) and was not exceptional enough a beauty to escape bullying because of it. My body was late to grow and develop too, and didn’t kick into puberty until I was 15. My self-consciousness about it added to my misanthropic and antisocial nature didn’t help matters, and neither did my parents’ awkwardness around sex and my own neuroses.

You're not alone, R2. I'm around the same age and a lot like you - still a virgin, babyface and never dated anyone. I feel like a freak sometimes and get really self-conscious about my lateness to bloom. I even sometimes get depressed over it even though I know it won't help my situation. I feel like I have to keep my secret safe from crushes and friends in case I get prejudged for it, and I'm hoping that whoever I end up getting my first experience with is a decent enough person that they won't hurt or take advantage of me. I hate being this scared but as I had no guidance or support with my sex or social life growing up like you I don't know where to turn or what to do.

For the first time in my life I'm trying to be proactive and I feel like I'm getting nowhere, even speaking a different language to everyone else. I'm casually asking guys for coffee out every few weeks and trying to maintain eye contact and flirt with others but it's not feeling good to me. I have to ignore my mind screaming at me to feel like a loser in my dead-end low-paying shopbottom job with no sexual history whatsoever. It's hard, sometimes. I don't even have a car to go on dates.

How can people like us make up for our lost time?

-Basically stopped growing around age 15. I was 5'2 and have grown less than an inch since (I'm almost 29 now and still look insanely young). -First started feeling attracted to men around age 16. -Realized that made me gay around age 18. -Started masturbating around age 19 (I honestly didn't really know what it was/how to do it before then). -Had my first kiss/sexual experiences when I was almost 22. -Only been on a handful of dates. Never had a boyfriend. Like a lot of the above posters, I'm afraid of asking guys out and frankly don't have the time or resources to date.

I didn't grow pubes until I was 14. I didn't cum until that same year. Pit hair finally at 16 and I didn't shave daily until well into my 20' s. I was very jealous of all the guys in my class who had a full bush and pit hair. Showers were mandatory in gym class. I jacked off with a few guys in the neighborhood, but didn't get y first BJ until I was in grad school. It was a guy - I have never been with a female.

R40, I’m the same age as you and would love to date you. You sound sweet. Try not to be so hard on yourself. People our age have a bit more trouble finding our dream career, and I think working hard at any job is a good and attractive thing. I would also love to date a virgin, not in a fetishization of virginity way, but I like sweet and gentle sex and I think it would work out well with someone’s who’s not had any experience. I’m sorry you’re having trouble even when putting yourself out there— so am I. But dating is hell for everyone. It’ll happen for you. And I bet you’re a cutie too.

Aw, thank you so much for the kind words and lovely compliments R43. You’re too kind, really - I think I’m easy to get on with and an offbeat kind of nice-looking, but it’s all so subjective. I enjoy working and reaching out to others in a positive way, but I know that unfortunately such qualities do not get a person money or sex.

I try to take things one day at a time and stay upbeat. I’m not always so whiny, I swear! I just get frustrated am doing have to primal scream every now and then, and DL has some really intelligent listeners and commenters. Even though I do worry about embarking on a sex life at least I’m not internally virgin-shaming myself anymore, which unfortunately I was doing for many years. Hearing people like you say that it’s a potentially attractive trait is still nice to hear!

As for Flyoveria? I feel you on that. Try being stuck in rural England, though. With Brexit looming it sometimes seems like there’s no hope for any of us living here, even the young educated people with qualifications and prospects and from good backgrounds. I’m probably only fretting about being untouched and unfucked so I don’t have to think about how utterly impossible life could become for me and my peers in a year. Maybe I need to catch a boat or plan abroad..

^^I’m r40, btw.

At 15 I could still get into a movie on a kid's "under 12" ticket - it sucked. I finally had a growth spurt junior year, but I have always looked younger. Now as you get older looking a bit younger does suck less than when you were a teenager- and the spread between my actual age and what people just meeting me thought grew wider for a long time. Growing up it was usually 4 years or so - even in grad school people though I was an undergrad, but then then it got be more like 10 years - most people assumed I was "late 20's" until I was over 40. Now the gap is shrinking again - at 55 people usually thing I'm around 47- 48, which is still fine by me.

R46 we must have saved a lot of cash as kids. I’m still occasionally getting student busfare and I’m almost 27.