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How do you order off a very long wine list?

Especially when you know nothing about wine.

What questions are you supposed to ask, or do you just point to the cheapest one?

When they bring the wine, what are you supposed to do?

I don't want to seem like an unsophisticated dolt, but I'm going to have to choose a wine this weekend, and I don't have a clue.

by Anonymousreply 54August 20, 2018 3:00 AM

Will your next thread be "How do I do the Googles?"

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by Anonymousreply 1May 10, 2018 8:25 PM

R1, it's sneering people like you that OP wishes to avoid offending. This is a good place to ask because we all know the DL likes its wine.

Except for me, OP, I don't drink. Carry on.

by Anonymousreply 2May 10, 2018 8:28 PM

Thank you, R2.

The fact is, wine lists are very intimidating.

I prefer red, but red isn't always paired with certain foods, so I'd look like an idiot if I mis-matched the wine with the food.

I'm not looking to become an expert in five minutes. I just need some general guidelines.

by Anonymousreply 3May 10, 2018 8:32 PM

It's humorless sober drones like R2 that offer nothing but schoolmarm tone-policing while knowing nothing about the topic at hand.

OP could actually look something up without positioning himself as a clueless dullard.

Non-learned pseudo-authoritarianism: R2, c'est vous.

by Anonymousreply 4May 10, 2018 8:32 PM

I always go next up from the cheapest, so as not to appear cheap

by Anonymousreply 5May 10, 2018 8:32 PM

Begone with you R1/R4, before someone comes and drops a house on you.

by Anonymousreply 6May 10, 2018 8:33 PM

R6, quoting 70+ year-old camp movie lines proves you buy your wine in a box.

by Anonymousreply 7May 10, 2018 8:34 PM

OOOH, burn, R6. Go and hide from the wrath of Khan.

by Anonymousreply 8May 10, 2018 8:35 PM

I don't pair my wine with my meal. I just ask my dinner companions what type of wine they like. If they all agree on red, then we get red.

by Anonymousreply 9May 10, 2018 8:37 PM

Sonoma pinot noirs do the trick for me. Good with chicken and red meat. Great with bbq, especially pork. Anything from the Russian River Valley impresses without appearing snobbish.

by Anonymousreply 10May 10, 2018 8:38 PM

R4, okay punk, where's your hall pass? Do you have an ID? Why you here?

by Anonymousreply 11May 10, 2018 8:39 PM

OP, you can order both red and white but the rules have relaxed. I like a Pinot Grigio or sauv blanc for whites and a cab or Pinot noir for red. Let the waiter pour you a small taste, take a sip and either approve or not. If it’s a nice restaurant the waiter or sommelier should be good for advice.

by Anonymousreply 12May 10, 2018 8:40 PM

I provided factual information for you simpletons, and I get berated with cliché movie quotes.

The nerve!

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by Anonymousreply 13May 10, 2018 8:41 PM

Oh and stick to California wines.

by Anonymousreply 14May 10, 2018 8:42 PM

Thanks all, for the good advice.

by Anonymousreply 15May 10, 2018 8:46 PM

After you are given the wine list, ask to speak to the sommelier, the guy who put together the wine list. Explain your dilemma: you'd like help with choosing a wine that will go with what everyone is ordering, and you would like something that is a "good value." Sommeliers are used to this and will steer you to something appropriate, possibly a Spanish red. (California wines can be pricey).

When it arrives, the waiter or sommelier will pour a small amount for you. Swirl it briefly in your glass, then take a sip. Don't gulp it, taste it. If it doesn't taste like poison, say something bland, like "That's nice." Continue with your meal.

by Anonymousreply 16May 10, 2018 8:46 PM

NON, R4, c'est vous!

by Anonymousreply 17May 10, 2018 8:47 PM

Spanish red sounds wonderful, R16.

I've never had one, but I wouldn't mind it.

by Anonymousreply 18May 10, 2018 8:49 PM

Do NOT order the cheapest wine on the menu. Good lord. The advice to ask the sommelier (if their is one) is sound. They will always have something to offer. Also know that some people don't drink white, and some people don't like red. So ask around at the table to see if there's anyone like this. Normally, whites go with first courses (appetizers and pastas) and reds go with meats. But if you're only ordering one bottle, I'd go with a medium red rather than, say, a pinot noir which has a strong, peppery flavor to it.

by Anonymousreply 19May 10, 2018 8:53 PM

alright, for those who have absolutely no idea. you do not have to pair the wine with the food, anymore. if you want fish and a deep red, go for it. "dry" means "not sweet". "flowery"translates to sweet. you can always ask for recommendations, don't forget to give your waiter a baseline: not too heavy, i like it on the sweeter side, i'd like to stick with a white tonight, i prefer light red wines, etc.

if you order a glass, there's not much to do once it arrives. if you ordered a bottle, the waiter will show it to you so you can check the label, then they will open it at your table. you can sniff the cork if you want to lay it on thick (if it smells like vinegar, the wine has gone bad). you (or whoever ordered or gave the waiter a look) will get poured a little bit first. it's for you to try and see if it tastes corked. if everything is ok, give the waiter a nod and he will start pouring it for everyone.

you really can't go wrong with a pinot grigio or a chardonnay (white) or merlot and primitivo (red). the first ones are a bit lighter, the second ones a bit more intense.

by Anonymousreply 20May 10, 2018 8:53 PM

As you are not an experienced wine person, please stay away from any expensive wines on the list. The mark-up is huge, and you will not even likely enjoy them. A lot of those big wines are an acquired taste and may be too dry and astringent for you. A nice Riesling is a little fruity and a little sweet and works well as a generic table wine. It goes with a lot of dishes. The Pinot Noir mentioned above has more flavor, but not too assertive. It has a beautiful, ruby red color and goes with a large variety of dishes, too. White Zinfandel is considered a “picnic wine” because it goes down easy. Or try the house wine (although I’ve had some pretty awful house wines.)

by Anonymousreply 21May 10, 2018 8:55 PM

Ask for Franzia, by name. You'll impress eceryone!

by Anonymousreply 22May 10, 2018 8:58 PM

Don’t sniff the fucking cork. It’s like kicking the wheels at the used car lot. It will brand you a rank amateur. If you like, you can look at the cork to make sure it’s not decomposing. If you want to sniff something, sniff the sample of wine they pour you to make sure it’s not vinegary.

by Anonymousreply 23May 10, 2018 9:00 PM

[quote] if you ordered a bottle, the waiter will show it to you so you can check the label, then they will open it at your table. you can sniff the cork if you want to lay it on thick (if it smells like vinegar, the wine has gone bad). you (or whoever ordered or gave the waiter a look) will get poured a little bit first. it's for you to try and see if it tastes corked

Wow, this is good information, R20.

I always thought that sniffing the cork and checking the bottle had more to do with flavor and knowledge of wine types and dates, but based on what you wrote, I guess it all has to do with "freshness" and authenticity, which totally makes sense. Basically, you just want to make sure that it's what you ordered, and that it hasn't gone bad. Not too complicated.

You gave some very good tips. Thanks!

by Anonymousreply 24May 10, 2018 9:12 PM

Absolutely do not sniff the cork. That is so pretentious and marks you as an amateur. Take a taste of the wine and let the waiter know that it's fine and call it a day.

If you're going to sniff anything, that's what the waiter is for.

by Anonymousreply 25May 10, 2018 9:16 PM

Say for instance that the wine list has over 100 wines.

Where do you even begin with that? Especially if the waiter just hands you the menu on the spot, and you're expected to decide, right then and there.

by Anonymousreply 26May 10, 2018 9:20 PM

sniffing the cork is fine, R23/25. it's even recommended, same as checking the cork to see if it's broken. not everyone is mortified by the thought of being perceived as anything but a professional wine schlucker.

by Anonymousreply 27May 10, 2018 9:22 PM

OP If you really know nothing about wine as you say, why not let someone more knowledgeable make the selection that everyone agrees upon. Tell him in advance what you wish to spend. If there is a sommelier as R16 suggests, you can always go that route too. If you would like to learn a bit more about selecting a wine for a future dinner with a bit more time to study, European wines are much easier for a novice to pick up on. The regions and vintages are much better indicators as to style, flavour, and quality compared to California wines. Becoming an expert at California wines is much more complicated, as one needs to know much more specific information regarding certain vineyards and specific wines. Vintage scoring is much more simpler with European wines, also America has no strict laws regarding what wines can be labeled with what names, in regard to the variety of grape used to make them. Best Wishes, enjoy the wine!

by Anonymousreply 28May 10, 2018 9:23 PM

Besides vinegary, the wine may be compromised if, for instance, a cork-sealed wine was stored upright for too long and the cork has dried out, allowing air to get to the wine. Oxidized wine will have a stale, cardboardy, raisiny taste and the color will be a little brown. Oxidized or vinegary wines have gone bad and should be rejected. However, this doesn’t happen often at most restaurants. It did happen to me at a chain steak restaurant where the waitstaff was largely clueless college-aged kids. There was a distinct vinegar odor at first sniff, but the waitress came back to tell me the bartender said the wine was OK. I was furious.

by Anonymousreply 29May 10, 2018 9:28 PM

R26, base it on circumstance, then. is it lunch and you will have the chicken? go with white. is it hot as balls and you're just having a glass? go with rose. are you having a really hearty dinner - try a red. often the wines at the top of the list tend to be not extremely unusually tasting, so you might want to stay there at the beginning.

by Anonymousreply 30May 10, 2018 9:33 PM

Another vote for FFS DO NOT SNIFF THE CORK. Just look at it to confirm it's in one piece and not moldy. Better, just nod in its direction to acknowledge that the cork has been presented and to signal to the server that you are ready to taste. They will pour a small amount in your glass (because you're the one who ordered it). Don't bother swirling or any of the other showy tests, just take a hearty sip and let it sit on your tongue for a second before swallowing. If it tastes good (as in -- pleasing to your tongue, don't worry about the standards of experts), tell the server "good, thank you." Then they will pour some for your companions before returning to you and topping off your glass.

OP, how do you know in advance that you'll be the one picking the wine? How many people are in your party? r21 has good general advice.

by Anonymousreply 31May 10, 2018 9:53 PM

If your going to order the next to cheapest you might as well order the cheapest. The waiter knows what you're doing so you can save him from rolling his eyes.

by Anonymousreply 32May 10, 2018 10:25 PM

A waiter rolling his eyes should be the top concern for you, OP.

by Anonymousreply 33May 10, 2018 10:28 PM

Ask the waiter if you can sniff his hole. Then taste it, smack your lips, and say MMMMM-MMMM.

by Anonymousreply 34May 10, 2018 10:29 PM

I always order rose, because I like it. Fuck the wine snobs.

by Anonymousreply 35May 10, 2018 10:31 PM

Nothing wrong with a good Rosé R35. Do not listen to Phillistines, and more for us! I love a sparkling Rosé or Champagne too. Several years ago I saw a bumper sticker that declared "Friends Do Not Let Friends Drink Pink Wine". I thought to myself what an odd mantra... They probably only know of "White Zinfandel" compliments of California.

by Anonymousreply 36May 10, 2018 10:37 PM

Rosé on a warm summer's day is perfect.

by Anonymousreply 37May 10, 2018 10:42 PM

Great with spicy Thai and Indian food too!

by Anonymousreply 38May 10, 2018 10:56 PM

If you go to an Italian restaurant for a pasta dish like spaghetti or lasagna, it’s hard to go wrong with a nice, medium-priced Chianti.

by Anonymousreply 39May 11, 2018 10:21 AM

Avoid American wine, it’s usually overpriced for what it is. Unless it comes in a box where it belongs.

by Anonymousreply 40May 11, 2018 10:33 AM

^^^ O-o-o-o-o!! That leaves more for me!

by Anonymousreply 41May 11, 2018 10:47 AM

Do wines in the States still come with corks? Weird.

Chardonnay is easy to drink. Usually dry, but not adventurous. Sav Blanc has a bigger fuller taste which may or may not be to your liking. Pinot Gris has a bite to it. Dry rieslings are light and crisp.

by Anonymousreply 42May 11, 2018 12:16 PM

I'm surprised that no one has mentioned Cabernet Sauvignon.

Is it out of style, nowdays?

by Anonymousreply 43May 11, 2018 1:58 PM

If you're ordering white, skip the chardonnay and go with sauvignon blanc.

by Anonymousreply 44May 12, 2018 12:53 AM

[quote] If it doesn't taste like poison, say something bland, like "That's nice."

This is good advice for things other than drinking wine.

by Anonymousreply 45May 12, 2018 1:03 AM

Cabernet Sauvignon is my favorite wine to drink with steak, but the best ones are a little too inky, tannic, and oaky for an inexperienced oenophile like OP.

by Anonymousreply 46May 12, 2018 3:34 AM

White zinfandel is always a classy choice.

by Anonymousreply 47May 12, 2018 3:41 AM

^^^ Not so classy, maybe, but easy for wine beginners and drinkable for anyone who drinks wine.

by Anonymousreply 48May 12, 2018 4:09 AM

I hate wine. I'm a total beer drinker.

Would it be rude to refuse a wine ordered for the table, and just order a beer for myself?

by Anonymousreply 49May 12, 2018 4:13 AM

“GARÇON!!! I’ll have the purple one.”

“And a Diet Coke”

by Anonymousreply 50May 12, 2018 4:19 AM

^^^ Just order a six-pack for the table. Or a pitcher of draft.

by Anonymousreply 51May 12, 2018 4:19 AM

When I order a fine can of wine I make certain my guests see me sniff the pull-top so they know I have ensured they are served only the best.

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by Anonymousreply 52May 12, 2018 4:25 AM

If you don’t have any ideas about what to order, the sommelier should be happy to assist you. Tell him your price range, what wine you’ve liked in the past, and what you’re ordering for supper. He or she can steer you to something you’ll enjoy much better than if you pick something randomly.

by Anonymousreply 53August 20, 2018 12:27 AM

Order a Martini, Duh.

by Anonymousreply 54August 20, 2018 3:00 AM
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